Wednesday, October 31, 2001

It's Bruce's birthday today. Chris and I took Bruce out to the Sushiman in Issaquah. It is a very good sushi restaurant. Although, as it turns out, Bruce doesn't really like sushi. He had the grilled Tuna instead.

Sushiman has dozens of different kinds of sake. We had absolutely no idea what to order and had to trust the waitress. I wonder if the Japanese have the same kind of problem the first time they order wine at a good western restuarant... normally they just have wine, red or white. But at a good restaurant they can order merlot's or cab's or zin's, California, Australia, Canada, French... You have absolutly no idea how to pick something good. But it's expensive enough that you don't want to pick something bad.

Later on we had a beer and cheesecake at the Issaquah Brewpub. The waitress gave Bruce a free birthday t-shirt. It looks very cool.

They just opened up a Krispy Kreme in Issaquah. It's the first in Washington. After we left the Brewpub, we drove by. The lineup was amazing. This morning the lineup was 3 hours long. Tonight, at 10pm, the lineup was at least an hour long. Really bizarre considering it's just a donut store.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

Harry called and left a message. He sounded very up beat. He said "called to say 'Hello' and see how the heck you are doing!" in a very postive tone. Simple things like this make me happy

Monday, October 29, 2001

Mixed day.

I spent the evening at Master Mark. It was a weird night. I figured out what's going on with me. I'm covering up for all the nothing that I feel. I'm lonely and I want to love someone. Being a slave boy is an easy substitute. I get to please someone. He pays attention to me. The rules are clear. It's any easy thing to do.

Next time I talk to Master Mark, I'm going to call it off. He's a nice guy, but definitely not a long term relationship. Mark likes me. He likes to watch me sit and pose for him. He likes to complement me. Tonight he asked me if guys told me I was handsome. I said "Yes." He sort of laughed and said "If any one else had said yes to that, I would have thought they were lieing."

Master Mark definitely knows how to stroke my ego. That's why I kept going back.

Tonight after I left his place, I felt good that it was over. I know there will be complications in the future. I'm still single. I still have a sex drive that can get me into lots of trouble. But I know that I don't want to be a sex slave.
My gay niche is too small. I am a, and I am attracted to, gay guys who look and act straight. Not leather butch or that freaky showy masculine you see at the bars, but normal ordinary, no lisping, straight acting man. This is a very small niche. After a few years every other straight acting gay guy is either a friend, or a friend of a friend.

Before Hockey last night, I was briefly at the Cuff. I ran into a guy named Rob. He was a nice guy, another truck driver. He’s a local driver, so he’s around more than one day a week. We chatted a while, and I gave him my phone number. Well, we talked on the phone today-- Rob mentioned a few things that I had heard before. So I dug a bit. It turns out that Rob was Harry’s ex, and that he dated Brian before I did.

Now it will be hard to get to know Rob for who he is. Neither Harry nor Brian had much good to say about Rob. Plus Brian got Rob to tell him lots of dirt about Harry so that he could pass it on to me.
Played hockey tonight.

Before the hockey game, I couldn't find my left glove. So, I dug out an old glove I haven't used in years. I put my hand in it. At the end of one finger it was kind of squishy. So I pulled my hand out and tried to shake the squishy thing out. Nothing. I stuck my hand in again. The squishy thing was still there. So I got a knife to fish the squishy thing out. It was a very big spider, still alive. Bleah.

We ended up playing against the same team that spanked us last week. They won again. But this time only 3-0. They are a very good team. We are probably playing one division too high. We are trying to figure out what to do with our weaker players. With a score like 3-0 it's clear that the defense, while not perfect, is pulling it's weight. Offense on the other hand just didn't come together. We have four new weak forwards who are very loyal to the team. If they all show up, like tonight, it's hard to score against a strong team.

Sunday, October 28, 2001

Friday evening, L and I had dinner at The Satelite Grill. We originally were going to eat at a new place called the 1200 Bistro, but when we go there, the wait was 90 minutes. Afterwards we went to the Cuff. L has a fuck buddy in that neighborhood, and the FB invited him over, so after one beer, L left.

I just talked to a few people and got frustrated. The only guys I found attractive weren't interested in dating-- they just wanted to play around.

Brian was there. We didn't talk. We nodded hello and then spent the evening on opposite ends of the Cuff. I caught myself thinking "How can I work things out with Brian?" I've got to stop that. Brian and I have been trying to work things out for far too long. I have to stay a way.

I was in bed by midnight.

Saturday, Bruce and I went to the Washington Cask Beer Festival. About 40 local breweries were giving out samples. We tried 15 different beers-- just shot glasses of beer. We got a bit tanked. I ended up telling Bruce more about Master Mark than I intended. Bruce knew that I have an FB called Mark, but that's it. He didn't know that Mark wants me to be his sex slave.

On the way home from the Beer Festival, Bruce and I stopped of at the liquor store. I needed to buy some Irish Cream for Ryan's Halloween party. I saw a bottle of "Ryan's Cream" I thought "Perfect. That will be a good laugh".

When I got to the cashier, she said "Have You tried Ryan before?"
I said "No."
The cashier repied "Well, he's not very good."

At the party I told Ryan and Jen that story. We had a good laugh.

The Halloween party was fun. A few minor incidents. One girl fainted-- costume was too hot, she was on a bit of medication and drinking too much. She recovered quickly with no injuries.

B&M were at the party. They brought their new baby. He's so small. B&M are both around 5'6'', so imagine the size of their baby. I'm 6'6'' with big hands. I could hold the baby in one hand. The baby was very well behaved. Even though the party was loud, he slept through it.

Some 'cool' people showed up. They really didn't fit into the party. No one really knew them-- they were friends of a friend who didn't show up. It's hard to descibe them, they weren't bad people, it's just that they noticable stuck out and stayed a bit away from the rest of the crowd.

I heard a couple of good stories from Kam. Kam is a private investigator, so often something strange is going on in his life. He told me a sad story about a woman who's husband just left. He said he was going out to do some yard work, but instead he hoped in the car and left. Two weeks later she still hadn't heard from him. Her purse was in the car. Kam suspects he's at his mother's house. His mother won't confirm or deny that he's there.

Kam has also been doing some survailence on a waitress who works at a strip club. He has had a few tense moments smuggling the camera into the strip club. One time he was carrying a conceled gun. A stripper rubbed his hip, and felt the gun. She asked "Is that your cell phone?" Kam quickly said yes. It looks like things are finally going well for Kam. Usually his private investigation work is very tedious-- pre-employment screenings, survailence to catch workers-comp fraud. He's happy that he's finally got one interesting case. He was bragging that he got paid to hang out at a strip club.

I got a bit drunk. When I got home, I ended up talking to Master Mark. He wants to get a cock cage for me, so that I can only cum when he lets me. I agreed. Now that I'm sober, I'm having second thoughts.

Friday, October 26, 2001

Nothing much happened today. I'm going to a halloween party on Saturday, so I worked on my costume. I'm trying to be a mummy. It looks pretty lame. I used duct tape to to fasten wrappings to track pants and a long sleeve shirt. However the duct tape shows through the wrappings, so I look like a fuzzy tape ball.

I was never good at crafts.

Keeping my journal on line is kind of weird. It sort of inflates my ego knowing that strangers find me vagualy interesting. I have to watch myself to keep the journal honest. After all, we all have a tendancy to portray ourselves in the best light. I have to stop my self from thinking "If I write that, Tommy will never date me."

I've also added comments to the journal. This reduces the barrier between me and my readers even more. I'm getting a few comments, all constructive, but it really blurs the lines of privacy and ego. Part of me thinks "That's pretty cocky of you to think that your life is worth the analysis of strangers." Most of me doesn't care. After all it's not like I'm putting scads of effort and money into this. So what if strangers peek. No one's forcing them. It's fun.

Thursday, October 25, 2001

So I had another internet date tonight. He was a realestate agent. Nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him. His eyes were on me constantly. I think he's trained himself to always look directly at whomever he's talking to. But, it had an creapy effect-- like one of those portait paintings with eyes that always look at you..

We had dinner at the Celtic Bayou.

Afterwards, Mark the truck driver called. We talked a while, and I invited him over. He spent the night. He's a nice guy. We'll see what happens. Mark is heading out on a run today. It will be about a week before he comes back. He told me that he's been fantasizing about me for years.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

This whole "Give Harry Space" plan is driving me nuts. This weekend is the Washington Cask Beer Festival; Bruce and I are going. I left Harry a message, asking if he wanted to go. He left me a message saying no, he was going to be busy this weekend. But, the way he stressed the 'no' bugs me. He said the "No" like "No you creap, I want you to stay away from me." On the flip side, I may just be overanalysing things.

Either way, I have to let it go. Give Harry his Space. I can't mention it. Bah.
Had a date last night. His name was Jason. We had dinner and drinks at the Elysian. He's not a bad man.

The Elysian is next to the Cuff. So, after we had dinner, Jason went home and I stopped by the Cuff. That's were I ran into Mark. Mark is a truck driver that I've known for years. He's always said he's been very attracted to me, but until recently he was in a relationship. So, we had a few drinks together and ended up closing the Cuff. I went home alone, but I gave Mark my number. Mark said "He was hoping to do more than just call me."

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

Harry just bought a house. It sounds like a nice place.

Over email I offered to help him move. He wrote back..
"K will do.. Thank you.. Me"

So I can't tell if he actually wants me to help him move, or if he's just putting me off.

We also talked on the phone. He's very excited about the house. It sounds like a bit of a fixerupper, but it's got lots of potential; many big rooms, good view of Kent Valley.

I wish him luck.

In other news, I'm doing that Internet Date thing again. I've got one date tonight, and one date tomorrow. We'll see. Both guys are attractive and in their mid 40's.

Monday, October 22, 2001

Played hockey tonight; Ryan and I carpooled to the game.

Well, we took a big shit on the ice. We lost 8-2. Everyone sucked. The goalie was a sieve. Defense couldn't clear the puck or setup the forwards. Forwards fumbled the puck when they got it.

Ryan and I talked about it afterwards. Part of the problem is that we've taken on a few new and green players. Now we have too many people. Our good players can’t play strong. They have to back up the weak players.

Also tonight the refs started the game early. Our team has a lot of guys who arrive 5 minutes before the warm up. So, if they decide to start the game 10 minutes early, it really hurts.

Finally, tonight we had a substitute goalie who's style was very different than our regular goalie. By the time defense figured out the goalie, 5 goals went in. She's used to playing in a woman's rec league-- no slap shots, forwards won't aggressively run the net.

Sunday, October 21, 2001

So, Friday night, Bruce, L and I had dinner at the Siam's and coffee at the Starbucks. Afterwards, L went home. Bruce and I went to the Cuff. We walked to the middle bar. Master Mark was there, passionatly kissing someone. The two Stevens from my softball team were also in the middle bar. So, Bruce, the two Stevens and I chatted while Master Mark necked. After a few minutes Mark and his trick left. The four of us kept taking till about 1am. The two stevens are cool people. I'm should keep in touch with them.

Saturday afternoon, Bruce and I went caving at the Talus Rocks. It was fun. We took a lot of photos.

In the evening, Bruce needed to talk to his ex, F. Bruce and F work together on a TV show and Bruce needed to get some images from F for the next show. So, F, F's new boyfriend, Bruce and I met for dinner. Small world story; Last summer I had a date with F's new boyfriend It didn't go anywhere and we didn't have sex. I didn't mention the date to F or Bruce. It's hard enough to build a relationship. The last thing F needs is someone telling old pointless gossip about his new BF.

After dinner, I went online for a while and ran into Master Mark. He told me that he was feeling down last night, so he picked up that guy and had very bad sex with him. He asked me why I didn't say hi to him. I told him it was because he was lip locked with the trick. So, we talked a while. He mentioned that I'm not the best conversationalist and that he'd like it if I called him more. He could never figure out if I was interested in him.

Well, we agreed to get together, to talk, to have sex. He had me do a couple of shots to help me relax. I told him I was hoping for a vanilla kind of relationship. He said he partially wanted the same thing. He wanted a vanilla relationship outside of the house, but master/slave in the house.

I'm tryijng to figure Master Mark out. I think he was a momma's boy. She died about 6 months ago. Now for the first time, he's really on his own. He's never had a long term relationship. He's dated guys for a few weeks, but nothing real. That probably explains why he cruises so much; he doesn't know what to do with his free time.

I still spent the night.

Sunday morning I bought some more dumbbells for weight trainging. My 50lbs dumbbells are too light and my 75lbs bells are too heavy. So, I bought a used pair of 60lbs at Play it Again Sports. I think my body is comming along. Both Master Mark and Bruce have made comments.

Thursday, October 18, 2001

Bought myself a new toy. an HP Jordana Pocket PC. Part of me wants to believe that it will help me organize my life and make things more convienent, but I'm not kidding myself, it's a toy.

HP seams to have a great delivery system. I ordered the Jordana Tuesday evening at about 8pm. I payed for the slowest delivery (FedEx Ground) Yet, by Wednesday evening, the PPC was at my door.

I've been loading it up with games, embarrassing photo's of Bruce (Every time Bruce and I go hiking, I take a picture of him peeing) and a few books.

I had beer with Bruce tonight. We went to J&M's. Hurding Cat's was playing again. It looks like they have a regular Thursday night gig. It looks like their name is getting around. Tongiht many more people were dancing to them.

Bruce is stressing out over work, over his two BF's who keep telling him "Let's just be friends", and over a local TV show that he produces. Along with our beer, we had a shot of vodka, really bad vodka. I can still feel it eating at my stomach. I should have asked for the name, I'd like to avoid it in the future.



Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Had beer with Bruce last night. He's unsure about Chris. He keeps getting the "Let's just be Friends" speach from Chris, yet Chris keeps wanting to spend time with Bruce, and is very sweet to Bruce.

Chris is out of town on Business. He's in NYC. This is the first time Chris has been back to NYC since the attacks. Bruce relayed the following... "Just got off the phone to Chris . He’s having a good time. He sounds happy which is nice. He walked to the WTC last night. Said it was weird not seeing the buildings and it’s all lit up like some movie site."

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

Harry just called me. We just chatted. He's put an offer in on a house. It sounds like a good place. He's excited about it.

We caught up on what each other are doing. We didn't make any plans to get together. It was still good to talk to him.
Our work cafeteria is still crap. But, I've figured out how to get half decent service-- I actively manage the cooks. "I'd like a Hamburger with tater-tots. No, don't put cheese on that. I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon… I said I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon." Today I got a half decent burger and tater-tots fairly quickly. I was very pleased with myself until I bit into a tater-tot-- it was still frozen in the center.

The rain has hit Seattle. It’s been dark and gloomy for days. I feel like snuggling up with someone and loving them and spoiling them.

Monday, October 15, 2001

I think I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure. Last night I ran into my ex, Brian. He won is wrongfull dismissal lawsuit and has come unto a lot of money. He paid off his mortgage and is going to take a long cruise. He put a lot of pressure on me to start seeing him again. I told him no. I ended up saying 'no' 20 different ways with 20 different reasons.

At about midnight last night he called me again. We fought on the phone for a while.

Tonight he called me again to see if I wanted to come over. I told him no. He wanted to know why and I fumbled around to try and explain. In the end I told him that us sleeping together was just slowing us down from finding real lovers. For the first time in years, he accepted what I said, and didn't fight me to change my mind.

I think this is one of those moments where the right thing is bittersweet.

Sunday, October 14, 2001

So, Bruce has two friends in town from Porltand. We arranged things so that the friends would stay at Bruce's place, and Bruce and Chris would sleep over at mine.

We were supposed to meet the friends at 8pm at the Broadway but as luck would have it Bruce and Chris were late. I didn't know what the friends looked like, so I didn't know who to join.

After dinner Chris dragged us to an bar in a very up scale hotel. It was kind of fun. I had a martini. I noticed that my attitude to alcohol is changinig for the worse. Two years ago I only drank beer and wine. Never hard liquor. I didn't like the taste of it. Last night my martini tasted very good. I guzzled it.

Afterwards we drove back to Bruce's place. Due to a misscommunication, Bruce and Chris arrived a half an hour late. Apparently I was supposed to drive by Bruce and Chris's to wave them off before I drove to Bruce's place. I didn't. The parking lot was way out of the way, so I just drove towards the freeway. So, Bruce and Chris waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes before they left.

Bruce's guests and I hung around and chatted until B&C clued in that maybe I just drove the guests to their final destination. They're a nice couple. We just small talked.

Saturday, October 13, 2001

So today, Bruce, Chris and I toured around Seattle. I guess we went shopping; we couldn't bring ourselfs to say that. We went looking for work clothes and hardware. A few times while we were driving, Bruce fell asleep so Chris and I chatted. He's a nice guy. He definatly likes Bruce. I'm not sure why he gave Bruce the let's just be friends speach. It may be because of the uncertainty in his life. His ex is still living with him, he doesn't have a stable job, he's going deaf.

The deaf part is kind of interesting. His treble is gone and so is most of the midrange, but he can still hear bass. As a result most of the people he hangs around have deep voices. He wears very large hearing aids.

He's about 40yo, but acts like he's 25. He loves snow and skate boarding. Also he sometimes talks like a surfer dude.

He said he moved to Seattle because we wanted a well grounded, more stable life. He's spent his life doing artist/acting kind of things-- always on the verge of something great, but always ending up with the short end of the stick. Now he just wants a life without having to worry where the next dollar will come from.
Friday at work we had a pie toss to raise funds for the United Way. They auctioned off people. Highest bidder got to throw a pie in the face of the auctionie.

Friday night, Bruce, L, L's friend Frank and I had dinner. I'm not quite sure about Frank. He looks and talks like a quiet, conservtative guy, but Bruce said Frank invited him over to try out his dungon. In addition, Frank has been hunting for a house boy. He flew in a guy from New York, but things didn't work out, so he flew him back.

After dinner, L & I went to the Cuff. Bruce took off and didn't say where he was going. For some reason there were a lot of bearish guys at the Cuff. I talked to a few guys, but as luck would have it, everyone I was interested in had partner.

I was leaving at about 11:30pm when Bruce showed up. He said that he just had sex with Darren. We talked a bit and Bruce said Darren wanted a capital B boyfriend. I'm not sure what that means. That Darren only thought of Bruce as a fuck budy? That Darren is romanitically intersted in Bruce. I didn't ask Bruce to clarfiy.

I went home alone.

This morning Bruce, L and I had breakfast at Van's.

I'm still thinking about Harry a lot. I'm trying to push him out of my brain for two reasons. 1. I don't want to act obsessive when I actually see him. 2. I don't want to be hurt if we don't get together.

Friday, October 12, 2001

Bruce and I went to J&M's Cafe last night. The band playing was "Hurding Cats" They're a good cover band.

We chatted for a while. Bruce asked me about my plans to win Harry over. I told him I had no choice but to give him space. It's frustrating but true. Bruce is having problems with Darren. Darren doesn't want to be chased, yet when Bruce and Darren get together they talk for hours and have fun together.

Thursday, October 11, 2001

This is kind of funny. Bruce said he had great news to tell me. When I asked what, he said Chris just game him the "Let's just be friends" speech. Now he can concentrate on Darren.

Anyways, to celebrate his being slightly more single, tonight we are going downtown to J&M's.

Just what I needed-- another week night of drinking. This time no shots.
I'm only a little bit hung over. Nothing asprin and coffee won't take care of.

I went out drinking with Bruce. We stopped off at our local bar, the Workshop. I had 3 shots of vodka, half a piture, plus a pint of beer. I shouldn't be typing, I'm drunk.

We talked about boyfriend trouble. Bruce is kind of seeing two guys, Chris and Darren. Bruce is mostly interested in Darren, but Darren is distant and only wants sex. Chris is a fun and nice guy, but he doesn't tickle Bruces's fancy like Darren.

Bruce and I talked about Harry and how I have no choice but to stay away.

They we got onto the subject of ridding your self of the past. My first ex, Rob, came up. I was 24 when I met Rob. He was 39. We ended up living together for two years. Then one day when I came home from work there was a message on the machine. "Hello Barry, don't expect me home tonight. I've met someone new and I'm going to spend some time with him." Rob never came back to pick up his stuff. He left all his clothing, his furniture and his papers behind. I still have some of his clothing-- no point in throwing out good shirts. But Bruce wants me to get rid of them. He wants to have a big bonfire where we both take crap from the past and burn it up. It's weird for me to think about that. Rob left me five years ago. I don't think about him anymore. He's just someone I once new. Putting effort into getting rid of his stuff is strange. I'd have to think about him which is something I never do anymore.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

I don't like the new work cafeteria. The cafeteria just opened and they haven't worked out the bugs. Most of the staff isn't properly trained. They rarely get orders right. For some reason they think everyone one ordered a cheeseburger. So if you order a hamburger you have to wait twice-- once for your cheeseburger and once for the regular burger..

They are not too skilled with the grill either. Today my burger was well chared.
Let me tell the tale of Harry and myself. I've known him for years. There has only been one constant in our relationship-- bad karma.

I don’t remember when I met Harry, maybe 97, it was before Brian and I were partnered. The first night I met Harry he told me he was thinking about selling his house and moving in with his mother. My first impression was “Momma’s boy. Not interested.”

I didn’t keep in touch, but Harry was infatuated with me. He took out a couple of “I saw you ads” and started visiting my regular haunts. I heard through the grape vine that he was a good man and that he was looking for me. Eventually he gave up the search and started a brief but very crappy fling with Rob, a man who turned out to be a friend of my ex, Brian. I didn't know Harry and Rob were seeing each other when I finally decided to call and ask if Harry out for dinner. Harry had to say no. Harry and Rob broke up shortly afterwards, but not before Rob threw out Harry’s address book and my number within it.

Well, I met my Brian and we started dating. We started spending a lot of time together. We started arguing. We started patching things up. We had a lot of fun together. We kept arguing. We kept patching things up. Then after two and half years of this, we called it quits. That was May of 2000. The most frustrating moments of my life were all with Brian; but I don't regret it.

At this point, as someone pointed out “Most guys are gonna go through a ‘I don't wanna date anyone’ phase. Then it's the ‘I'll show him by being a big slut phase.’” That’s exactly what happened to me. Only I didn’t handle things right. I ran into Harry and he used every trick in the book to snag me. We started dating. He was a great man, only I didn’t care. My heart wasn’t in the relationship. I wanted to be single, I wanted to slut around. On top of that, my ex-Brian, because he knew Harry’s ex-Rob, was feeding me bad gossip about Harry. After two months with Harry, I ended it. It hurt him and he cried afterwards.

I became a slut but I kept in touch with Harry. After a while I developed feelings for him. Harry, being a bit gun shy, wasn’t big on dating me again. I was still a slut but my slutty feelings changed. It was something I could do for fun and to get off; but it didn’t make me happy.

Then last March Harry met Chris and they moved in with each other right off the bat. It broke my heart. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, after all I’m not innocent, but it still hurt.

And now Harry is single again. So am I. The waiting game begins.

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

I got my HIV test back-- negative.

I also talked to Harry. Right now he's kind of scared and confused. He feels bad about the breakup. He didn't want to hurt his BF. On the other hand he wasn't happy in the relationship. What else could he do?

Right now he wants to take it slow and find himself again. He doesn't want to jump into another relationship. I asked him if he wanted to do something this weekend he said yes, but didn't know how much time he'd have free.

I told him a couple of funny stories and got him to laugh.

So now I have to take things slow. This kind of runs counter to my instincts. When I have goals I try to get right in there and push to get what I want. That is the wrong way to handle Harry.

It's frustrating. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I hope Harry and I get together.
I just got a voice mail from Harry. He and the BF have split up. He's still living at the BF's. I don't know what to do. My instincts are obsesive and probably not attractive. I want to be with him so bady. I have no idea how Harry feals though. He probably needs some time to himself.
Played hockey tonight. Another 11pm game. A few of the guys didn't show up so we had to play short. We lost 5-3. At the end D was dead with exhaustion.

I drove with Ryan to the game. He told me a cool story. The company he works for hired a few stunt drivers to to drive Ryan and his team around and show them car tricks. It's a real buisness expense; Ryan's team is working on a car racing video game.

Well, Ryan expected the stunt drivers to show up at the track with special stunt cars; they didn't. They went to Hertz and rented regular rental cars. ("Don't worry! We paid the extra $8.00 for insurance.") One of the stunt drivers started off by saying "The cars have many safety features that make it difficult to do stunts. We turned them off by pulling most of the fuses. We also tighten the parking brakes." The drivers then proceed to run the cars through their paces. By the end of the day parts were flying off. One driver bitched that his power steering belt popped off. Another mentioned that he broke a parking brake control cable. The tires were bald, and the parking brakes were smoking.

Apparently this is par for the course in the auto racing video games industry. Ryan mentioned that on another game, the sound man was collecting various car sounds. For one sound he rented a car, set the parking brake and drove it up a hill, gas to the floor. It ended up melting the rear hub caps.

I will never buy a used rental car.

Sunday, October 07, 2001

Sunday morning I had breakfast with Bruce. Something happened between Bruce and L, so Bruce asked me to not invite L. I called L anyways, he wasn't home, so no problem. I think Bruce is over analyzing the situation. Later on L left a message on my machine saying sorry he couldn't make it for breakfast, he was at Church. He also asked if Bruce was ok.

At breakfast, Bruce and I decided to head up to the Scenic Hot Springs. It's about an hour drive, and an hour hike. List time I was there was Tuesday Nov 14, 2000 (Wow. My journal is being usefull to me)

The Scenic Hot Springs are a clothing optional hotsprings up by Steven's Pass. It's fun to go soak in them every now and then. Bruce and I spent about 3 hours just relaxing and chatting with others.

Small world story-- Bruce, naked, was getting out of one hot tub while another lady was getting in. Suddenly the women shouted "Bruce! Is that you!" Bruce said yes. He recognized the women as someone he worked with years ago. Then the woman said "You look different now." Bruce, who was standing there, naked, dripping wet, agreed. Everyone in the hot tub burst out laughing.

I think we left at about 5:30. Hiked down the hill and started the drive home. We were both fairly hungry. While driving, we were talking about what to eat and decided that steak and beer would be good. Well, shortly after we decided that, we drove past "Prospectors Steak and Ale House." It was like a message from above. We turned around and went in. It was a good restaurant. We both had the Rib Eye special.

Today, the U.S. (And Britain) launched attacks on terrorist camps in Afganistan. All the words you hear are chosen so carefully. These aren't Islamic Terrorists. These are just terrorists. This isn't an attack on Afganistan, this is an attack against terrorist bases in Afganistan. I understand why they have to choose their words carefully. It's just interesting to observe it.


Well, I'm back. Master Mark toned down his act, he still feels kind of guilty about the whole Sean thing.

If I was falling for the man, it would have been a great day. Inbetween having sex, we went to the huskies game. Mark has season tickets to the UW huskies (college football) UW won over USC, 27-24. The game was tied but then in the last 3 seconds then UW scored a field goal. We had more sex after the game, had dinner and went out for drinks. He had me take my shirt off and pose a bit. I got more than a few good looks. I'm not really comfortable with being shirtless. I lead a very conservative life so walking around shirtless at a leather bar is new.

Afterwards we went back to his place and then slept.

College football kind of amazes me. I'm from Canada-- not a big football country. Canadian pro-football games attact a few thousand fans. Canadian college football games attract a few hundred fans. But, U.S. college football attracts 60+ thousand fans. I don't think they have stadiums that big in Canada. The SkyDome in Toronto only fits about 55000 people.

While I was having sex with Mark, to get off, I fantasized about normal vanilla sex.

Friday, October 05, 2001

Mixed day.

I was supposed to go to the Mariners game with Bruce and L, but John the fireman called me, and started presuring me to make longer terms plans with thim. Rather than jerk him around, I decided that I had to tell him how I felt. So we had dinner together. While we were driving back he grabbed my hand. I sighed. He looked at me and asked "what? I fumbled for words for a few seconds and then said "This is the let's just be friends speach." We didn't talk about it much more than that. He thanked me for my honesty. We changed the converstation and started talking about obscure bands.

Master Mark emailed me today. He apologized for letting Master Sean abuse me so roughly and told me he wanted to hook up again. I agreed. I just got the following...

"You will deliver yourself to my house at 10am tomorrow morning. You will go up into the back yard and enter through the back door. Go downstairs, strip to the waist, and kneel down facing the weight bench. Put your hands on your head. You will be wearing a jock, tight jeans (same ones as before), and a tight tee shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Bring with you a jacket and sweatshirt and anything you need for overnight. Make sure your ass is clean, boy. You will only touch your penis to urinate or shower. No ejaculations. Bring with you a six pack of whatever kind of beer you like. SIR."

Thursday, October 04, 2001

Quiet day. I rearranged my office. While I was doing so, I had a good talk with my manager about how to arrange your office to make it easier to goof off. If you point the back of your monitor to the door, when people walk by they can't see your screen. This makes it easier to surf the web unobserved.

My office is low goof off. You can see the screen when you walk by the door.

I had lunch with Ryan and Jen. We went to Dixies BBQ. I love Dixies. It's a crappy hole in the wall that serves the best BBQ west of the Cascades. They serve a hot sauce called "The Man" A few drops of The Man is enough to make a beef briskit sandwich unbearably hot.

While we were having lunch Ryan told us that he might be offered a great job in Florida. Jen didn't say much, but kind of looked at me and smiled.

I got another mention on tommy's site. He's really inflating my ego. Thank you very much Tommy. You are a good man. Air travel is cheap right now. Maybe I should visit.

I got an email from another reader... "I think it's fun to read stuff from you kids who are still having fun and going thru the trials of dating. Cracks me up! I'm 32, settled down with my partner, step-son, a home, and a dog."

I'm 31. ;-)

I'd guess that he hasn't been in his relationship for more than 2 years-- maybe even less than 1. He's too comfortable, the glow hasn't warn off. As Tina said in Flirting with Disaster "Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?"

I got a rather cryptic message from Harry. Harry hasn't called me in about two weeks. He emails a few times a week. A few days ago Harry forwarded me a joke. I wrote back...
> Hey.
> Thanks for the joke.
> Things going good with you?

Tonight Harry wrote back...
> I don't know. I am just taking it day by day..
> Talk soon Harry

I can't tell if he's depressed, or trying to avoid me.

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

There we go. I've given my blog a new look. It's been one year since I've moved my journal to the web. The first post was actually October 12th, 2000. Reading the entries from October 2000 shows me how little I've learnt and grown in the past year. Sigh.

I'm getting more regular readers too. Which is kind of weird, kind of fun. It forces me to write more clearly. Just a reminder-- to protect the privacy of everyone in my blog, I've changed all the names. Also, it lets me be more honest. I'm not going to hide something if I don't think it's going to make it's way back to me.

Not much important happened today. At work, through a freak co-incidence, I managed to look like a genius. Earlier on, I was researching an obscure feature in our software. Now, one of our customers was having problems with our product. No one could understand why their software was acting weird. But, I took look one look at the problem and knew exactly what was wrong; the obscure feature was turned on. Any other day and I would have been as lost as everyone else. Hell, one month from now I'll forget how the obscure feature works. But today, I looked like a genius.

I ran into Chris at the cafeteria. Later on I told Bruce I saw Chris, so he headed over to say hi. For Bruce, my office is on the way to Chris's so I see Bruce ever time he hunts Chris down. I can't tell what Bruce feels for Chris. He says hi to him enough. But, he tells me he's not really in love. In addition, Bruce has a date with another guy tonight. Oh well.

I got tested for HIV tonight. I get the results in about a week. I'm not worried about it. I play safe.

Other than that, I just took the evening off. Not working out tonight-- I'm going to let the needle prick in my arm heal for a day.
Tueday, went to work. Took a course. Bruce dropped by my office while I was away. Chris was filming something in the building next to me, so he wanted to drag me over and watch.

Bruce and I talked in the afternoon. We agreed to get together for dinner at my place. So, when I got home, I made some stew, and we chatted about the BF situation. We are both seeing guys who are good men but the chemistry isn't there. It's a hard situation. You know that if you stuck things out, you'd be proud to build a life with him. But, one day, that special man would catch your eye, and you'd leave the BF behind.

I've also been obsessing over Harry, although I didn't tell Bruce that. I feel I have no right to whine about Harry since he's in a relationship. But, man-o-man, have I got a crush on him. I called him on Monday and left a message. He emailed back and said he might call me on Tuesday. But, he didn't. It's driving me squirlly. I want to be with him so badly. I want to talk to him every day. This time I'm not going to let bad timing keep us apart. That is assuming he's as close to ending it with the BF as he says he is. Part of me thinks that he just says bad things about the BF just to string me along. I don't think he's that kind of player though. He might just think it's not appropriate to talk to me very often while he's still with his BF.

I don't know. I wish things were simple.

I played hockey tonight. It was our first game of the winter season. We lost 5-2. Our big problem is lack of cardio. We also picked up a few new players. They are good, but we still must get comfortable with each others style. For example, one of the new D's is used to playing one minute shifts. On our team we play two minute shifts. As a resultt, he didn't pace him self right and tired out fairly quickly.

I would like to switch to one minute shifts though. I'll work on the rest of the D squad and get them to agree.

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

Went to work today. In the morning I unpacked my stuff in my new office. Had lunch with Bruce and his friend Chris. We made plans for the evening to go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It was a good movie. I think Chris loved it.

Chris really has a crush on Bruce. Chirs was always gushing over Bruce and trying to touch Bruce. I made a couple of jokes about being their chaperon. I don't think Bruce has strong feelings for Chris though. He probably likes Chris-- Chris is an attractive, interesting man. But, I don't think the chemistry is there. Oh well.

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