Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Dinner went ok. Brian was on his best behaviour. After dinner we took a walk along the Kirkland Waterfront and had some coffee.

I'm back to work today, although my parents are still here. I think they're going to take a drive through the mountains.

Monday, July 30, 2001

Another routine tour-guide kind of day.

We drove to the Boeing tour. We got there at 10am, but the first free times were 1pm. So we bought our tickets and drove to the Mukelteo waterfront. We walked around for a while, had lunch at Ivars, saw the lighthouse and then drove back to Boeing.

I've done the Boeing tour 3 times now. It's ok, but nothing exciting. You see a couple of films about boing, then the drive you around the buildings, and tell you what they are for. Finally they bring you into the factory and let you watch from a balcony about 3 stories up from the floor. So, you don't really get to see that much.

We're having dinner tonight with Brian at the Foghorn. That will be interesting. Brian can have a very abrasive personality, especiaily around strangers.

Sunday, July 29, 2001

My parents arrived at about 3pm on Saturday. We chatted a bit, had dinner at Becks, watched TV, watch "Contact" and then went to bed.

Sunday morning we went to the Seattle Aquarium, had all-you-can-eat pizza at God Father's and then watched two Imax movies "Mt. St. Helens" and "Island of Sharks."

We drove home in the afternoon, had a nap and some early supper. I had a hocky game at 7:30, so they came along and watched. We won 6-3. My game was fairly strong, especially considering I haven't played in two weeks.

When we got home we watched "The Iron Giant"

I should get a few more movies. They are good way to spend time with my parents without having to talk to them.

Brian wants to take my parents out to dinner tomorrow.

Saturday, July 28, 2001

Last summer Harry gave me some roses that I dried and kept in vase. Last night I threw the roses out.

I went downtown to the Cuff. It wasn't that busy. I was in a bad mood, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. This fairly good looking man walked up to me, introduced himself and asked me if I was submissive and was interested in slavery. We talked a while and I agreed. I thought, "what the heck, why not. Try it and see what it's like" The guy, Mark, wanted me to take off my shirt at the Cuff, and let him handcuff me right there. I told him no, not till we were someplace more private. (Great slave I am) We walked back to his SUV. At the SUV, he asked me to take off my shirt. I did so, he handcuffed me. I sat in the SUV, and he blindfolded me for the trip. It was weird-- I didn't feel out of control, but I was trusting a stranger more than I should have. Physically I'm a very big man. (6'6'', 210lbs) So, it's very hard to intimidate me.

Spent the night at Marks. I slept in shacles. Mark wants to get together again. I don't know. Maybe.

My parents still haven't arrived.

Friday, July 27, 2001

I spent Wednesday evening with Brian. This time at his place.

My parents are arriving in Seattle this weekend. Probably on Friday. They are driving across the country.

I sort of had a date tonight. I met him a while back (more than a year ago) at the Eagle. Nothing happened then. He tracked me down over the internet. He was a nice enough guy, so I asked him out. We had a beer together and then went to his place and necked. We played around a bit but after a couple of hours we gave up and I went home.

He's covered with tattoos from head to toe. He's still getting more tattoos. When I asked him what he was doing on Sunday, he said he was going to the tattoo parlor to get one finished, and he pointed to a large unfinished tiger that was on his fore arm.

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

I didn't feel like being along last night, so I invited Brian over for dinner. He's having a tough time at work. He's doing a good job, but he's not handling the stress very well.

F now has a show on cable access TV. Bruce is producing it. The first eppisode was last night. F and a friend of his review movies. Not current movies, but older ones. Every week they pick a theme, and then review movies along the theme.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

Oh yeah, I'm a permanent resident now.

I got the stamp on July 11. It took me half a day of waiting in lines to get the stamp.

I showed up at the INS office at 7:30. There was already a long line. The office didn't open till 9:30. The line was enormous by that point. I didn't get in the building till about 10:00. At that point, I got my number and sat down in a waiting room. My number wasn't called till 1:30pm. It took the guy all of 3 minutes to stamp my passport and process my paperwork.
Over the weekend something weird happened between Brian and Bruce. Neither will tell me really what happened. Both are making strange references.

Last Sunday, after Bruce picked me up at the airport, we went to the Cuff for a drink and ran into Brian. Brian mentioned something about running into Bruce at the Eagle and that Bruce put on quite the show. When I asked what happened, neither would say. Bruce said he drank so much he couldn't remember. As Bruce and I were leaving the Cuff, Bruce mentioned that, at the Eagle, he lost his temper with a guy and was ready to break is nose.

Last night Brian called me. He told me on Friday he went to the Eagle. Bruce showed up, was drinking a lot and kissing and talking to everyone. Eventually Bruce started talking to Brian. Bruce tried to talk about me but Brian didn't gossip. Eventually Brian told Bruce to go away.

Other than that, Brian said that Bruce isn't happy with his life and probably doesn't like it when Brian and I get together. He suspects that Bruce has a crush on me.


I had a internet date last night. He was a nice guy. He's going away for 10 days for vacation. When he get's back I think I'll try to get together with him. We'll see.

Monday, July 23, 2001

I'm back in Seattle now.

Saturday afternoon and evening, I went over to J&E's for a BBQ. My friend R was there. He just got back from a 6 week vacation in Iran (!!!). R was born in Iran but his parents left the country so that R didn't have to join the army. Now Iran has relaxed it's rules. expatriates no longer have to serv.

J&E went to Malaysia last spring. They bought dozens of pirated movies for $2.00 each. About half of them didn't work. We ended up watching a copy of "Heartbreakers" The copy was fairly crappy. It looked like some guy copied it with a video camera in a movie theater. You could hear the audience laugh. The movie was slightly tilted, and the left-most inch cut off.

Afterwards we played screw-your-neighbour (A card game) and Monopoly until 2 in the morning.

Next morning, I took J&E and their Baby J out for breakfast. Then they dropped me off at the airport.

The movie on the flight back was "Heartbreakers"

Bruce picked me up at the airport. We had dinner at Bimbo's and drinks at the Cuff. Then I went home, cleaned up a bit, and went to bed.

Saturday, July 21, 2001

Today is my last full day in Toronto. In a while, I leave for a BBQ at J&E's. I spend the night there, and then fly out tomorrow morning.

Friday during the day, G and I tried to connect his two computers plus his cable modem, all together on one network. One of the computers is older, so we couldn't use anything out of the box. We failed. We could get the two computers talking to each other. or one computer plus the internet, but not all three.

We swam in the afternoon. It's very hot here right now. You just walk out side and within minutes you start sweating.

I went downtown and spent the evening with Liam. We had dinner at a new Indian restuarant and then beer at the Black Eagle. Nothing has changed at the Eagle in 4 years. Most of the old bartendenders are still there.

I was fairly popular at the Eagle. 4 or 5 guys came on to me. It was a good ego bost, but I wasn't in the mood to have a one night stand.

I ran into Paul who is an old friend of Bob, my ex. Bob and I lived together in 95/96, but then Bob left me for another man. I haven't really seen or heard from Bob since then.

Paul couldn't wait to dish out some gossip with on Bob. When I was talking to Paul he said "Have you run into anyone from your past. A.K.A. Bob" He then told me that Bob is dating a hot 23yo (Bob is around 44). Paul hinted that things were not going well. He said that "Bob was paying the price, if you know what I meen." I didn't know what he ment, but I didn't care to dig deeper.

Liam went home after the Eagle. I went to the Barn. There's another bar where nothing has changed. The Barn was too hot and to packed. I left, had some ice cream (The basken robbins on Church St is open till 3am) and then crashed at Liam's place.

In the moring, Liam and I had breakfast and then said our goodbyes. It could be a long time before I see him again.

Thursday, July 19, 2001

Wednesday during the day, I toured around my old haunts. I walked by the apartment building where I used to live. It's still very run down. I used to live at the cross of Shuter and Sherbourne-- one block away from crack central. The rent was cheap and it was close to work.

Then I walked to Church and Wellesly, had lunch and drank a few beers at some of the bars I used to go to. Not much has changed. Even some of the bartenders were still the same.

I took the subway back up, and spent time over at M&S's. Later in the evening, I went to a softball game with S, J, J and F. I played one inning. The ball only came to me once.

After the game we had dinner at Jack Astors.

After Jack Astors, we had coffee at F's place. F just got a $4000 aquarium, so he's showing it off to everyone. It's kind of funny because his apartment is so small and the Aquarium is so big.

Today, G&J&Y and I went to the Fork's of the Credit River Provincial park. We hiked to the water falls. It was fun, but much work since we had to carry Y most of the way. Y has just started walking, so anything other than perfectly smooth ground is a challenge.

Drove back to Toronto, and I went downtown. I had dinner with Liam. Then we went to Woody's for a beer. Woody's was packed. Woody's was busier on a Thursday than I've seen Seattle bars on a Saturday.

Liam seams a bit unhappy. I think he wants a BF. He says he's happy being single, and just wants a couple of fuck buddies. But, I think his needs are deeper than that.

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

Most of the gang went to the Zoo on Monday. They re-did the gorilla exhibit. We also saw the polar bears and their cubs. It was weird hauling around 4 babies. It's a lot of work. After we drove home, I had a nap.

M&S are both unemployed right now. M should have to the skills to get a good job, however she'd rather stay home with their baby right now. S always seams to be loosing his job.

Monday evening, I went downtown, and had drinks with Liam. He's doing ok. We talked about the re-rise of AIDs in Toronto. One thing I noticed here, that I didn't see in Seattle was these very muscled guys with very thin faces, like their cheeks had collapsed. Liam said that for some guys who had been on the drug cocktails for 5 years, the cocktails would lose there effectiveness. The end result was that full blown AIDS is resurfacing. I didn't see this in Seattle, although I don't live in on Capital hill so I rarely see HIV+ guys. When I lived in Toronto, these guys looked healthy. It's only been with the passage of years that the change has slapped me in the face.

I moved to Seattle from Toronto 4 years ago now.

We also talked about maintaining friendships with straight couples after they have kids. Already my friends have changed a lot, and I have to put much more effort into our friendships. Liam told me that it gets even worse as the kids grow up. At least now, the babies aren't too mobile and can't talk. But in a year or two, the babies will be all over the place and my friends must be on constant guard. That's when they really change.

Even so, I will continue to put effort into staying friends with them.

Tuesday, G&J's baby Y, went to day care. G&J and I went to Ikea and bought some furinture. Then we went to Milestones and had a baby free lunch.

In the evening, we went over to J&J's for dinner. J&J also have a baby who is about 6 months younger than Y. Just as G&J were leaving, my other friends, E&J and M&S showed up with their babies. We sat around and chatted a bit more. G&J left early because Y was getting cranky. E&J left next. Finally, I walked M&S and their baby back to their place. Then I walked home to G&J's

So many babies.

Sunday, July 15, 2001

I'm in Toronto now.

I flew a red eye from Seattle to Toronto and arrived Saturday morning. G&J picked me up at the airport, we drove back to there place where I slept a bit more. G&J have a baby, Y, Y has grown a lot from the last time I saw him. He's walking now. G also told me that J is pregnant again. I'm happy for them. I kind of want a kid. Being gay and never having stable relationships prevents that possibiltiy.

In the afternoon we went to a picnic at a friend, F's place. The guys were playing crockette on a huge field with parking lots all around it. If you wanted to, you could hammer your opponents ball dozens of meters away.

In the evening I went to Paul's dinner cruise. I've known Paul for years. It's his 50th birthday, so he rented a ship for a nice dinner cruise. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in years. Many of them haven't aged gracefully. Some of them have. I ran into a guy, John, the I've been making googly eyes with for years. Unfortunatly, when he's single, I'm in a relationship, (or moving to another city) or vice versa. He's dating someone now, but it's a long distance relationsip. John and his BF will be in Seattle in mid August, so I'll see him then.

The cruise was beautiful. The Toronto skyline is georgus at sunset. A tall ship sailed past us as the sun was going down. I kicked myself for not bringing the camera.

Today all my straight friends came over to G&J's for a BBQ. Many of my friends now have baby's so we talked a lot about the kids. Someone lamented that all conversations turn into conversations about baby poo.

The kids are cute though. They are all between 6 and 16 months. Y is 16 months. He's just getting the concept of moving things around. When he was playing with a crockette hammer trying to hit the ball, he was kept swinging wildy and randomly.

Once when one of the babies fell off of a wagon and started crying, all of the parents (8 people) instantly stood up and clapped and cheered for the baby. When the baby saw the cheering parents, he stopped crying. The parents did this reflexivly, without thinking about it. Keeping their kids happy has become a second nature.

At night, G and I had a talk about careers and how we are both working for money but not love. Unfortunatly we don't know what we love. So we can't give up our jobs to go where our hearts lead us. When you are in this position earning lots of bucks is a good substitiute for happiness.

Friday, July 13, 2001

I went to a sex club tonight. Lately, my libido is going all out of control. It's starting to affect my work. I need a boyfriend, or something, badly.

First I was going to go to a different bathhouse down the street, but as I was walking to the building, I saw I guy I work with enter. I didn't want to get friendly with my work mate, so I kept on walking.

At the second club, I ran into Tom. Now, Tom is a friend of Brian's ex. So I'm wondering if my appearance at the sex club will get back to Brian. Cool gossip about Tom. Tom has been arrested 6 times for indecent exposure. He has a pubic sex fetish and keeps getting caught. At one point he was asking Brian for referrals to good lawyers. That's how I know all this.

Man-o-man I sound like a tramp.

Thursday, July 12, 2001

Bruce has become something of a social butterfly. He's freuqently posting to the gay aliases at work. He's trying to organize a team for the upcomming company picnic. He's trying to drag a lot of his friends to the weekly gay's at work lunch.

He does too much gay stuff. I really don't want to be involved.

Last night I had dinner with Brian. It went OK. He told me that while he was in Florida some one stole his rental car ( a 2001 Cadilac Deville) He declined insurance on it, so now he's scrambling to make sure his home/auto insurance, or his credit card insurance covers it.

On Friday, I leave for Toronto for a week of Vacation. So, my posts may be a bit sporatic.

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

I had lunch with Bruce today. He told me why he was avoiding everyone. He said that a week ago on Tuesday he went to a sex party and had unsafe sex with a guy. The next day the guy told him he was HIV positive. He got tested the following Thursday, and the result came back negative. He has to get tested again in a couple of months to confirm that he is still that way.

Monday, July 09, 2001

Talked to Harry today. I think the glow is wearing off of his relationship. He mentioned that his BF works a lot, and that he had to remind the BF to spend some time with him. Harry said that all he did last weekend was work on the lawn. His birthday party was Saturday night, but not a lot of people showed up.

We talked about hiking and camping. He said he had a lot of fun last year when we went to the Greeder Lakes. I agreed.

I have to think now. If it's really going to end between Harry and the BF, I really have to be sure I want to be with Harry. No more jerking him around. On the flip side, all relationships go through good times, and bad times. Maybe they are just in a lull right now, and things will pick up.

I know I want to be with Harry. The question is, do I want to be with Harry for the rest of my life.

Sunday, July 08, 2001

I'm stiff. I'm sore. I'm tired.

Over the weekend my softball team and I went to Portland for a tournament-- the Cascasde cup. We ended up playing 4 games on Saturday, and 6 games on Sunday. Even though I was constantly putting on SP30 sunblock I got a dark tan.

The short story... we placed second!

We arrived Friday night. I didn't stay out late because our first game was at 8am. We went to a couple of bars, Scandles and the Three Sisters, and then back to our hotel. Chatted for a while, and then went to bed. A couple of the guys pointed out that I sometimes, I am not very optimistic. I'm not negative, but I'm more of a realist than they prefer.

Got up at 6am the next morning. The fields was about 30 minutes outside of Portland, so we needed lots of time.

The tournament was 2 games round robin, followed by double elimination.

The first game was against Portlands #1 team, so we were a bit nervous. But... we won. A couple hours later, we played against the Huffin' Puffin from San Francisco. We lost. They are a very strong tream.

We played the next 2 games on astro turf. It was Hell. The Astroturf field was at least 20 degress warmer than the regular fields. The Astoturf was much more springy and flat than ground, so the ball bounced high and rolled for ever. You can't slide on Astoturf.

I'm not sure of where the next team was from. I think it was Vancouver. We won that game.

Then, we played the Huffin' Puffin again. We lost again. The Puffin was a very consistant team. They didn't have home run hitters, but they did have solid defense. Offensivly, none of them were very weak.

Since this game was part of the double elimination, one more lose, and we would be out of the tournament. Because of our mediocre first day, we earned a Sunday starting time of 8am. We were all tired, so we went bed early.

I don't remember the names of most of the teams we played on Sunday.

We won our 8am game, rested an hour, and then entered softball hell. We played 5 games back to back. The first three were on the Astroturf. It may have worked to our advanage, Since we played two previous games on the Astroturf, we knew how to handle it better. We won them.

The middle game ended weirdly. It was the bottom of the last inning. We were at bat. The score was tied. The bases were loaded. The piture ended up walking the batter. It was a very undramatic ending to a very tight game.

The next game was on real ground. We played against the Grumpy Puppies from Portland. Another close game, but we won. That gave us second place.

The Championship game was against the... Huffin' Puffin's! The Puffin's were very well rested. Because of their strong Saturday, they had only played one other game on Sunday. Well, we lost to the Puffin's again. We really broke down from exhaustion. It was hard running, it was hard catching, it was hard hitting. Plays that otherwise would have been easy took so much effort.

They ended up base hitting us to death. No monster home runs, just sold, simple hitting.

It was still fun. I didn't expect to take second place at all. After we lost 2 games on Saturday, I thought we would lose early on Sunday, and then just bumb around Portland for the day.

I drove back to seattle with one of my team mates, took a shower, ate a bit, and then hit the sack.

Thursday, July 05, 2001

L and I went to my Company store today, so that he could buy some of our software for cheap. I thanked him for the hike yesterday. We talked about Bruce. Bruce has changed the message on his home answering machine, so he's still around. He's just playing hard to get.

We also talked about the other guys we hiked with. As I suspected, at one time or another, L had sex with all of the men. L has sex with everyone he knows. It's kind of weird. L and I have only had sex once, and back then, I was hoping to date him.

Many people are away on vacation. The freeway is quiet. There is plenty of parking at work.

Got my hair cut this morning. My barber asked me if I was a fireman for the city of Redmond. I said no. Later on he started running down "those fucking yuppies." I didn't mention that I was a yuppie. I'm not overly proud of it. There are a lot of normal guy jobs that I'd rather be doing. Unfortunately, they pay much much less than my cushy yuppie job. And while money isn't everything, it is still important.

Wednesday, July 04, 2001

Softball practice this morning. My catching is strong again. My hitting is almost back to normal. Afterwards, my shoulder was a little sore. If I stretch it, I'm ok.

Went hiking with L, and a bunch of his friends. We went along the middle fork of the Snoqualmie River. It was very scenic. Oddly enough, about two thirds of the people we walked by were gay or lesbian. One of the guys joked to L, "Where did you look up this trail, the Damron Hiking guide?"

Afterwards we had a BBQ by the river. L and I tried to go swimming. The Snoqualmie River is glacier fed so it's very cold. Maybe 50F. I intended to swim across the river, but when I got in and swam a bit, I could feel my muscles shutting down from the cold. It's a weird feeling. So I turned around, and hung out by the shore.

Where we hiked, there is a neat arch shaped footbridge over the Snoqualmie. Instead of walking on the pedestrian part of the bridge, I played dare devil, and climbed over the arch part of the bridge (I'll link a photo as soon as I get one)

I'd like to go there again. The directions are Exit 34 off of I-90. Go North. Take a right turn just past the Texaco station. Go 12 miles.

On the way back we planned on stopping at Twede's Cafe (The restaurant in Twin Peaks) for dessert, but it was closed. So we said good buy, and parted ways.

Something is up with Bruce. He hasn't returned my email, or my phone calls. L said Bruce was doing the same thing to him. So L called him up and left him a message basically chewing Bruce out. Bruce called L and apologized. L said that Bruce sounded bummed out about something. L asked if Bruce was going hiking with us, but Bruce declined, saying that he had a personal thing he had to deal with.

Tuesday, July 03, 2001

I just got of the phone with Harry. It was weird. He had a gay-lisp in his voice I don't remember hearing before. I also didn't miss him as I was did in the past. It makes me think that I've been pining for a fantasy Harry. That the real Harry is different and I'm not really attracted to him. That my real problem is that I'm lonely, and that Harry is the closest thing I've met to a guy I could settle down with. But, I'd be settling, I wouldn't really love him. I hope I convince my heart of that. I think I'm really out of touch with my emotions. I never know what I'm going to feel until my emotions slap me in the face.

I worked out fairly hard last night (Before going to the bath house) This morning I could feel my shoulder. It's much better than it was, but it's still stiff. I also had physio this morning-- ultrasound plus half a dozen tedious little exercises. They are reevaluating next me at my next appointment.

Monday, July 02, 2001

Ok, I did the nasty tonight. I went to a bath house and had sex with strangers. It's something I do once or twice a year. Lately, I've been reading so many personal adds, and trying to meet someone to date that it's seriously cutting into my time. I guess I'm a bit obsessive that way. It's frustrating. I was fairly sure that getting just one good BJ would cure me, at least for a while. Well, I got one good BJ.

Not that a BJ is a substitute for a relationship, but in a pinch it will do.

Sunday, July 01, 2001

Didn't do much today. Had a lunch date with a guy I met on the internet. It was ok, but I don't think I'll ask him out again. I cycled a bit in the afternoon. Very close to my townhouse, some new townhomes just went on sale. A unit similar to mine is going for $80,000 more than I paid four years ago. Yikes! I knew Redmond real estate was hot, but I didn't think it was that hot. I just worked it out; that's 8% grown a year.

Went down town and had beer at Changes with my softball team. I left at about 7pm, and went to the Cuff.

We play in a tournament in Portland next weekend.
On Saturday, the Redmond Town Center had a vintage racing car show. It was cool. Lots of old Ford Cobras with a sprinkling of older Porches, Corvettes. Some of the older engines didn't have air filters. The air intake came from horns pointed directly at the wind scoop. It made the engine look like a music box.

Went to the Cuff Saturday night. Met a nice guy there. He's a bit over weight and he smokes, although he tried to hide that from me. We first met a few years ago. He said he was in a bad relation ship for the past 2 years. The guy ended up stealing about five thousand from him. I gave him my number, and told him to call if he wanted to play pool some night, but no dating; he is very much on the rebound. He agreed and said he didn't want to date anyone for the next four months.



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