My husband has decided to retire from his job. It's been a long, tough decision. I don't think he's going to retire-retire. He's frustrated with his current manager and sees no way out. Retiring offers more benefits than quitting, so he's filed to retire in a few months but plans to use some of that time to look for another job afterward.

Friday Update... My husband's VP reached out to him and found a better role for him away from his current manager.

 

I am experimenting with AI again. I've discovered an AI tool (GPT4ALL) that allows me to run chat bots on my home computer. It feels like chatting with a stoned librarian. It seems to handle grammar and spelling well, but fact checking and math-- warning, warning, danger danger.

I think I could use it to generate ideas or to copy edit a document that I later verify with other sources. I would not rely on it for learning or finding facts.

Dad grew up on a farm about five miles down the road from where he currently lives. After he married, he and Mom bought a farm next to his parents' farm, as did a few of his brothers and sisters. Dad has spent his whole life surrounded by family.

Now, he's an eighty-year-old man who finds that all of his siblings have either passed away or require assisted living. Without Mom, he's alone and unsure what to do with his time.

My brothers and I have started calling him every day. I've invited him over to our place, though I'm not sure he wants to travel.

The community is also there to help. I've heard that other widowers in the neighborhood have stopped by for coffee. There's also a community club just down the street, always looking for volunteers for maintenance.

Hang in there, Dad.

Life is returning to normal. My brother has a job interview next week. So he and my sister-in-law are departing later today. I fly out early Saturday morning. 

Friday evening Dad and I had dinner at his favorite restaurant-- a lovely local Schnitzel Haus. Some of the waitresses who have worked at this restaurant for years learnt of mom's passing and offered their condolences. 

Mom has been popping up in my dreams. Not as a ghost, or warning, or to deliver a message. Just someone present, paying attention, trying to understand what's going on. I look forward to these dreams.

I look forward to home, to spending time with my husband and dog, sleeping in my bed, going back to my routine, to my exercises and hikes.

Third Weekend, Wake and Funeral.

​The past few days have been a whirlwind of visits and planning. Saturday, my husband flew in. It was wonderful to have him around. 

Monday afternoon and evening were dedicated to Mom’s wake, which was well attended by relatives, friends, neighbors, and fellow parishioners. Ninety people signed the guest book.

The funeral took place late Tuesday morning, with many relatives present whom I haven't seen in more than a decade. The pastor delivered a moving sermon, and I had the honor of giving the eulogy.

Among the attendees were my friends GM, J, and SG. GM's husband passed away last summer, and she mentioned that last night marked the first time she hadn't slept in her home since his passing, making this trip doubly emotional for her.

Emotions have been catching me off guard as well. One moment I'm fine, and the next, a memory of Mom overwhelms me, and I get choked up.

The Planning Begins

​The night of Mom's passing, while we were out for dinner, my brother asked how I was feeling. I responded that I was exhausted but felt lighter and relieved. He said he understood. Taking care of Mom was a huge burden on us all. 

For the first time in weeks, we all slept through the night and slept in the next morning.

While we have been preparing for the wake and funeral, we have been collecting photos and sifting through Mom’s possessions.

Over the past two years, as Mom’s dementia progressed, she would frequently lose her purse. After searching, we’d find it in strange places. It became clear that Mom was losing her purse because she hiding it from who knows, then forgetting about it. About a year ago, the purse just vanished, not to be found again…

Until last night. Dad found it in the back of her closet, underneath blankets.

Life moves on.

​Mom passed away this morning.

Yesterday Mom was struggling to breathe and much more disconnected than usual. As the evening approached, her breathing became very agitated and labored. The nurse gave her sedatives to help her to relax. My brother and sister-in-law stayed up with Mom through the night.

This morning my sister-in-law and I were discussing mom’s care and how it needed to change. Then the room got very quiet. Mom had stopped breathing. My SIL checked on her and asked me to gather the rest of the family. We gathered around and said our goodbyes. 

The rest of the morning has been a blur phone calls and discussions. 

This has been the most heartbreaking and loving thing I have ever been through. 

Second Weekend

The days go by quickly. Relatives, nurses, service workers regularly pop in and out of our house. 

Saturday, I managed to getaway for a short hike. I enjoy the peace and quiet. 

Mom's conditions continue to evolve. Every day brings new challenges of varying degrees. It's stressful on our family and the cracks are showing. 

As I joked to a friend "I need to teach collaboration and teamwork to people who learnt from the oil patch and the barn yard." Of course, some of that is on me. I have to accept my family for who they are, not presume that it's my place to coach to them to be more effective, whatever that means.

Ups and downs. Victories and losses.

Mom's strength has improved over the past week. Her lung capacity has greatly declined. She is now strong enough to standup from her chair without assistance. This activity exhausts her and she collapses.

Two days ago my brother said it may be OK for me to fly back to Seattle as our mother had adequate family and medical support for the current situation. Last night he said he changed his mind, the decline in her lung capacity has all of us concerned.