The waiting is over. Our cat has passed away.

 

RO wanted to bring her to the vet one last time. Maybe put her on another course of antibiotics. Maybe a 3rd vet could find something new. After this visit he wanted to give the cat one more week to see if she'd improve.

 

This vet did find something new. Tumors around her liver. After that everything went so quickly. RO asked about putting her down at home. The vet said it was possible, but would take a few days to schedule the appointment.

 

RO suggested we should put her down there. The speed of this decision caught me by surprise.

 

We stayed with our cat as the vet first injected her with a narcotic to put her to sleep, and then another drug to stop her heart. Both of us cried. Even the vet sobbed a little.

 

We brought her home and buried her in our back yard.

 

We went to see Anne and Nancy Wilson, Heart, last night. They are joining the rock and roll hall of fame next week, so they had a show in their home town to celebrate.

They played many songs that they wrote in recent years, not the songs that made them famous. I wanted to be irritated at them for this, for not playing my favorite Heart songs, but damn there new songs are good and they are awesome singers and musicians. These are not musicians who are resting on their laurels and milking their past fame.

My father is farmer. When I told him about our sick cat, of course he had a very simple solution-- a shovel. He is strongly against spending hundreds of dollars on an animal that will die in a few years anyways. Let the end of her life come quick and painlessly. Don't drag it out.

 

The cat isn't getting better or worse. She just sits there. She tolerates the force feedings. Then she stares out to the road. Sometimes she responds when we pet here. But mostly she ignores us.

All day the cat just sits on the front porch. A week ago her head was always down and she slept most of the time. Today she keeps her head up. She will also walk away if you harass her enough. She wants to be left alone.

We took her to the vet twice. They are out of options, unless we want to pay the big bucks for a radiologist to investigate. That's a tough decision, but I can't justify spending a thousand bucks treating a cat.

Recently my parents talked to me about how they want to die. Dad has a strong do-not-resuscitate request. Mom asked us to fight a little for her, but still didn't want to be a vegetable.  We didn't cover that grey area where they slowly get more and more sick over time. What then? If you were awake but always very drowsy and if you had to be tube fed for a long time, would you want to live?

The can't still won't eat or drink. Maybe a nibble or lick here and there, but never a meal, and never enough. We've taken to tube feeding her regularly. We also feed her some meds-- antibiotic and some appetite stimulants.

But still, she just sits there. I can't tell if she's suffering. I can't tell if she will recover. This waiting sucks.