Friday, February 27, 2009

JS had a crush on me. Every few years someone will remind me of this. It happened again on Monday. I had lunch with a friend of a friend. The friend asked if I knew JS because JS had a crush on me.

I say "had a crush" because JS is dead. He was in a car crash in May of 2000. He left accident scene apparently uninjured. A few days later his spleen ruptured and killed him.

I never knew JS. I vaguely remember meeting him once. He hung out with what would eventually be my crowd.

Every now and then, one of his friends will say "Did you know JS? He really liked you." This continues nine years later.

It's strange to only know a dead man this way. It's strange to keep hearing of his affection so many years after his death. I don't know if I should be flattered. Maybe I'm just looking for an ego boost.

Anways. JS, I wish I knew you.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

So I had my review with the problem employee. He is weak with english so it took a while to get the message through to him. I know he eventually understood because he said "This is not good for me."

I don't feel great about this situation. This employee isn't terrible. However there is a new ruthlessness at work. The old A players are now B's, old B's are now C's and the old C's are being pushed out.

I try to convice myself that this is the right thing. Salaries are very high here and so are the standards. If you want to get paid the big bucks, a C level performance isn't acceptible.

My secret fear is that I wouldn't survive if I was hired on now. My career has had it's share of failure. My performance problems were hidden by two reorgs that took me away from managers who knew. Eventually I was handed two problems that no one else was interested in fixing. I probably had as many issues with my work as my employee has with his, but my issues were out of the light, no one was looking over my shoulder. So I could fix them quietly, under the radar, with no one around to form a poor opinion of me.

Then my manager quit and I was the only one who expressed interest in taking his place. The rest his history.
I am having a stressfull day. Today, I am supposed to start a performance-improvement-plan with one of my employees. This plan will probably result in the employee being terminated.

This morning, I had a regular one on one scheduled with the employee. I was fully prepared to deliver the hard talk. But then, I couldn't do it. The employee talkes alot and I couldn't get a word in edge wise. But, that's just an excuse.

This afternoon I've scheduled a more formal meeting with the employee. I think he knows what's up. His face dropped when I told him about the meeting.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tommy said "we all are getting to the age that friends are 'passing'..sometimes i think that life is shorter now..hearing that some one's ex has passed just brings it to the forefront"

In some ways I'd rather believe that 2009 is a rough year than believe that I am getting to the age where my friends sometimes pass away. Monday evening we had drinks with Clem and Bates. Clem mentioned that just three weeks ago, his old ex passed away in a car accident.

On one hand, everyone dies. We are in denial to believe other wise. On the other hand I like the people around me. I don't want to face the inevitable truth just yet.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Steven will be back in town for a few days. His ex-partner Erwin passed away so Steven is in town for the funeral.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Speaking of the devil, my middle brother is in the hospital. He has diverticulitis. He is going to be in the hospital for a few days.

Yesterday was the store's big anniversary sale. It was very successfull. We got a lot of much needed cash. Sales were down 30% over last year though.

Today, I am going to make some budget predicitons for the store. RO and I need to think about these numbers and make some hard decisions. At some point we'll have no inventory to run the store on. I'd like to know that date well in advance.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

"well could lil brother be yearning for induction into the great society or
is it just bad decisions on the marriage front"

I'm fairly certain that this brother is not a closet case. This one is isn't so great at the people skills.

The brother and I have always butted heads. I think he has more raw intellectual horse power than I, but he is very impulsive, he has low interapersonal and interpersonal awareness and is not very proactive. Or, to loose the management speak, he is a show off and a jerk who doesn't realize how irritating he can be. He loves mouthing off to everyone so that they know he's the big dog.

Or maybe he's a rebel who pulls no punches, doesn't need to fit in, and tells it like it is.

He doesn't understand that even though he is smart, it doesn't automatcially mean that he should to go to the head of the line, that the world won't revolve around him. Other lesser people can still do a great job and still deserve some credit.

So, he has no problem finding women since he's comes accross as a strong man who takes charge and takes care of you. His girl friends think that he will change when they get married. They will 'fix' him. Tone him down. Make him a great husband.

Of course that never happens. You are who you are. Sometimes you can polish the rough edges off of someones personality. But mostly, unless that person wants to change, you get what you get.

Being married to a pull-no-punches-rebel-who-always-tells-you-like-it-is becomes tiresome after a while.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mom is in town. We caught up on the family gossip. Things are mostly well.

My father had a preventative MRI. Stroke and aneurysm run in his side of the family so the doctor wanted to peek deep inside his body.

My younger brother likes his new goverment job.

My middle brother is having marital problems. This brother is a long distanance truck driver who is away for weeks at a time. When he is away his wife will go out partying with new friends and get so drunk that she has to spend the night at their place.

My middle brother is on his third marriage.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

JT Said... "Slippery slope. Be careful!"

Tommy Boy said... "Hmmm....the Jury is still out on that one. Be careful."

RO kind of said the same thing when I first told him. He also responded "What if I told you that I wanted to do cocaine once a week?"

For me, pot and cocaine are very different drugs. pot is more like alcohol. If you use either too much, they both have long term side effects. But, if you use them in moderation then the side effects quickly go away after you stop.

As for pot is a gateway drug/slippery slope argument. I'm not convinced of that. Sometimes enough is enough.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Another dinner with Matt and Sandy. This time with RO at our place.

So, I want to start smoking pot. That may sound weird. I've been so anti-drug for most of my life. But, something has changed. I'm stressede out and RO and I can't take much time off this year. I need to relax. So, once a week, on a Friday or Saturday night, I'd like to smoke pot.

The idea bugs RO. He feels that this idea is his fault. That I wouldn't be this way if I hadn't got him involved with the store.

Sandy is all for it. He's going to set something up.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I had dinner with Matt and Sandy last night. It was good to see them again.

Matt and Sandy live in a small side street that has more houses than numbers. They live in house #392. Next to them is house #392A.

392A went into forclosure. Matt and Sandy have been getting many confused knocks on the door for people looking for 392A. They've put a big sign on their house explaining that, no, this house isn't the one being forclosed, it's the one next door.

392A sounds like a house of doom. In the past five years, two people have died in it and a previous home owner was arrested. Matt says it was for child molestation.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

When it rains, it pours. Behr has lost his job.

Vic his home from the hospital and feeling better. They are still figuring out how to manage his MS.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Vic probably has MS. All the test results aren't back yet, but the signs don't look good.

One of the Chris's had a heart attack. One of his arteries had 100% blockage. Other arteries have significant blockage. The doctors have put a stint in. He's doing OK and is in recovery.

Down in TX, Steven has broke up with his boyfriend. There was much drama, including the now ex-boyfriend calling 911 and saying that he was being beaten up. The police showed up and determied it was a verble arguement. Steven is OK.

A number of friends showed up at Steven's home in Dallas and moved him out within a few hours.

Steven says he wants to stay single for a long time.

My crowd of friends is getting old. Maybe I'm getting old. Friends with new crippling diseases are popping up every year. I no longer care about gay drama. My perspecitive has changed. Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes we bring the shit uppon ourselves by not thinking ahead.

I'm feeling philosphical right now. I wrote a rant about how Chris and Steven have no one to blame but them selves and how many of problems are really our own fault. But, then I heard about Vic and it sucked the wind out of me.

When I look over everything that's wrong with the store right now, I see that as hard as the recession is on us, that I am also a victim of my own choices. About a year and a half ago, to help the store grow, we took on some extra debt. I didn't want it, but RO felt it was the right thing so I went through with it anways. I wish I had paid more attention to my doubts. I wish I had done more planning.