When it rains it pours.

Last night my mother-in-law fell and broke her pelvis. She is in the hospital and will require long term care.

The husband and I figuring out our plans now. 

"These lessons that our parents are teaching us. This is not how you live." -- my brother-in-law


We are back home.
Thursday we drove the 13 hours from the in-laws to our place.

Things ended well my father-in-law. He seems to be happy in the new place. He is socializing a little. He is eating proper meals. He is taking his medications appropriately. His voice is a little more cheerful.

My mother-in-law is now considering her situation.

My friend C2 is fond of pointing out that decisions can be decisive, delayed, or desperate. The latter happening when you put off making hard choices, when you run out of time and end up accepting the only option on the table.

The seems to be what my father-in-law did. He desperately wanted to retain his freedom and to keep everyone happy. Maybe if he pushed the hard choices off a bit, then he would feel better. More energized. That's not what happened. He ended up unable to take care of himself in the hospital and needing someone to quickly move him.

My mother-in-law is also going down that path. The retirement homes she can afford aren't nice enough for her, so she keeps pushing off the decision. Most of the day she sits alone in her house. Her social circle have greatly shrunk due to COVID. She is on oxygen. She is too tired to drive anywhere or do things, especially in the heat of the north-central California summer.

I hope she makes a decisive choice.

In the future, I hope I make a decisive choice.

Why does my father-in-law have all this food that expired in 2016? Why not 2018? 2014? 

 

What do you do with a CD player when the lone CD with the player is from the one concert that your father-in-law and his son attended decades ago. 

 

What about the Z-ion cleanse? What is a Z-ion cleanse? It looks valuable. It may be valuable to someone? Should we try to sell it? Is this just garbage tricking us into keeping it.

 

What do you do with a five year old washer and dryer when the divorced mother-in-law says “mine are twenty years old, and your father promised me his years ago, and I’ll need you to help me move them”  in the one hundred degree heat. And to help get rid of her old ones.

The dryer is gas and she doesn’t have gas. She changes her mind. Thank God.

 

What about these two bottles of brandy and the case of wine? I thought he didn’t drink. Lets not ask. Let me just set them aside, where no one will notice.

 

There are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer. Why didn’t you tell me there are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer? What is that guilty look on your face? Have you been secretly eating ice cream sandwiches and not sharing?

 

Why are there a dozen remotes, but none go with the TVs? 

 

What to do with the computer that belonged to your deceased  brother, that was last turned on by him years ago?

 

Or the model train. 

 

Or the baseball caps.

 

Or the nick knacks from trips long past. 

 

Or the boxes of cards and photos.

 

When are sentimental things just a trap that bogs you down? When can they provide constructive experiences evoking those that you love?

 

Tommy… I agree with you… at some point it is best to keep the money in the bank and live in a smaller place. In comfortable surroundings. Among kindred spirits.. 

 

And it is best to be there long before your physical and mental abilities decline to the point where you have no choice and must depend on others.

Why are there dead bees on the carpet?

My father-in-law is in his new apartment. Its one room with a kitchen and bathroom in an assisted living facility. 

Yesterday morning, my husband, his brother and their sister brought a few things over from my father-in-laws old apartment and set the new one up nicely.

My father-in-law arrived late in the afternoon. Covid prevents them from being together, though they can open a window to the outside and talk through it.

Today we start to clean out my father-in-law's old apartment. 

Today we went on another long road trip to California 

The husband, his brother and I left Seattle around 4:30am.  We arrived at my mother-in-law's by 8:30pm. Along the way we stopped for a couple of hours-- the husband and I both had to take calls for work.

My father in law moves tomorrow. He'll be out of the hospital and into his assisted living apartment. Quarantine rules are in effect so we won't be close to him for some time.

The husband and his brother have headed over to my father-in-law's old apartment to get a few last things and bring them to his new place.

We'll be here a week before we head back. In that time we'll shut down the father-in-law's old apartment. 

We hosted a going away party today. A friend is moving away from Seattle and we wanted to say good bye.

There were eight guests. We all wore masks, except while we ate. It was good to see everyone and to send our friend off.

Afterwards the husband and I had a good conversation about social distancing. This part was a little larger I am comfortable with, though I could easily keep my distance. Everyone there got it. No one complained about wearing masks. In fact, we encouraged each other.

I have finally found some masks that I like, that are comfortable, and that don't cause my glasses to fog up too much. There is still much to learn about mask etiquette. How safe am I being if I regularly push my mask aside to sip at my drink? Or eat a hamburger?

Two good neighbours are moving. They both work in the airline industry, one for the big jet manufacturer and one as a stewardess. This last year has not been kind to them or their jobs.

The husband's father will be OK. He is still in the hospital; just under observation. The family is planning what will happen after he gets out. He is no longer capable of living alone. He needs assisted living.

Currently, the husband and I, and maybe the brother in law, will drive down to California next week. We will pack his things and move what we can.

My father in law is in the hospital. Breathing problems. 

The animal that's across the street-- that's a bear. I came across it while I was walking the dog. The dog started a stare off with the bear. I turned around and we went back home.