We have spent the past week in the Ottawa Valley, visiting my parents, family and friends.

The Valley has changed as lot since I was a young. Also-- I've grown up. I've gone from being a gay kid who wanted to get away, who spent years in Seattle ignoring his family as much as possible, to so someone who can appreciate the peace of the valley and is trying to build relationships with those I left behind.

The valley is less homophobic now. Also, I care less about that. I'm not mature enough to pick and choose my friends from those who accept us. I no longer worry about the harsh judgement from some of the family.

I come from a large extended family. Not counting the spouses, I have 14 uncles and aunts and well over 50 cousins. A good chunk of them are very nice people and we enjoy spending time with them-- they get along well with the husband.

My parents are getting old. Moms dementia is more pronounced every time I visit. Practically she can no longer be alone for more than a a few minutes. She easily gets lost. She can't remember what she did 10 minutes ago. Dad patiently stays with her every day. My brothers and I need to arrange some relief for him. 

Tomorrow we drive up to Toronto to visit other friends. I'm looking forward to this next leg of our trip. It will be a little more relaxed. Less obligation to see as many people as possible.

Bathwater comments…

>Wonder what it will be like when he faces his own death?

I am unsure what he will actually be like, but we have discussed this. It was similarly cavalier… if he can't wipe his ass or feed himself then he wants to blow his brains out

It was a bit of a roller coaster of a day. 

We got news that the husband's uncle passed away. He was in hospice and had been struggling for a while, so this was for the best.

Dinner was wonderful. 

C3's father isn't doing well and has been in hospice for two months. Today, C3 said his father has stopped eating.

C3 has always had a cavalier attitude about his father's decline. We discussed. He said people die. You have to get over it or it will drag you down for years. He brought up that his mother died, his stepmother died and one of his sisters died.

"I didn't know you has a second sister." 

"I don't talk about her" 

That said a lot.

Merry Christmas everyone! Happy Boxing Day & New Years.

This evening we will have our holiday dinner. It will be a small crowd-- our regular bubble. The husband has outdone himself and setup something special.

We have an excess of cookies, cakes and fudge. I've already started snacking. 

Tomorrow, we fly out to Ottawa & Toronto to visit my family. We shall see what happens with omicron. I've passed two COVID tests in the last week, so traveling is the big risk. Still, most everyone I know in Ontario is vaccinated. Most are boosted. 

Fingers crossed.

Work is quieting down for the holidays. Or rather, there are as many emergencies as ever, but there are fewer people to act on them, or to complain about the lack of action...

We had a minor COVID scare. COVID inconvenience really. On December 8th, I was in our office for a small holiday get-together. A week and a half later, December 15, I received a notification that someone at the get-together had tested positive for COVID. I felt fine. None the less we went out and got a rapid test. And yes, they came back negative.

The testing site was chaotic and slow. We will be traveling to Ontario next week to visit family, so we will need to be retested 72 hours before we depart. Will leave my self much buffer time.

Last night we had had dinner with Clem and Bates. This was the first time I've seen Bates since he retired back in June. They have been traveling *alot* Europe. Multiple Trips to Oregon. California. Mexico. Hawaii. 

Bates has gained much weight. Easily 50 lbs. I'm worried about him. 

But, he is enjoying himself.

Once a week we visit the mother-in-law. We assemble new furniture. Play games with her. Have dinner together. Just chat.

She can be very grumbly. This really bugs the husband. I can listen to her complaints and not respond. The husband needs to pushback-- to give her feedback. This frequently escalates to verbal arguments. 

I'm not going to fault the husband for this. He has probably had to push back against his mother since childhood least she steam role him. His emotions don't quit understand that she is now powerless over him, unless he gives her power.

I've started to go into work a couple times a week. I'm aiming for Wednesdays and Fridays. The introverts on my team could work from home forever. The extraverts are frustrated that no-one ever goes into the office.

So I'll straddle the line and do a little of both.

We have a nice office that could easily hold one hundred people. On any given day half a dozen will show up. They company has started bringing in lunch. There is free beer. And yet...

Last night, on my way home, I walked by a large condo. Someone high up, about the twentieth floor, was throwing stuff out the window. TVs. Speakers. Clothing. Dishes. Heavy things. They hit road and shattered. A few things hit the roofs of passing cars. I don't know what the end story was. The police were arriving as I walked away.

I had Thanksgiving week off work. I'm surprised how fast it went. I didn't do much. I did hardly anything that I planned to do. Yet time flew.

We had a eight people over for Thanksgiving, including a neighbor. We began cooking around eight am for a three pm dinner. There was much prep. I swear we ran the dishwasher twice before the guests arrived and another two times after.

The meal turned out well though. I enjoyed the turkey. Am still eating the leftovers today,

It's official. I am now an American. We are having a couple celebrations this weekend. The drinking friends tonight. The sober friends on Saturday.

The husband is more excited about this than I am. For me this was a very practical decision. I've lived in the U.S. for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. My home, savings and investments are in America. I'm going to be here, probably till I die, so lets just make the relationship official.

I've looked up some of what changes when you are an American v.s. a permanent resident. Of course I get the right to vote. I can also participate in jury duty. 

I can no longer be kicked out of the country for crimes of moral turpitude. That sounds like a challenge until you look up what moral turpitude actually is.

C2 has received a guide to "The Dying Experience" from his father's hospice. He says his father is in the "One To Two Weeks" category. 

Mostly, C2 is angry at his father.  Quote... "my asshole dad abdicated personal responsibility 20 years ago." It sounds like his father, for the past 20 years, has just been sitting around, watching TV and drinking and eating, especially sweets. He put no effort into anything else. Not trying to rebuild his relationship with his kids. Not doing anything out side of eating, drinking and watching TV.

 

I have been playing bachelor this week. The husband is in Hawaii for work. 

I'm not jealous that the husband is in Hawaii. There will be other opportunities  for me to join him there. We did discuss me working in Honolulu for the week. The travel and the time difference would have been a pain. 

I've been enjoying my solitude. When it's not raining hard, I've been going on hikes and long walks with the dog. I finished off the jigsaw puzzle. I've been listening to music. Learning about Samba, Bossa Nova and Tango.

C2's father is 

 > Don't jinx yourself :). A normal life never seems to happen.

Of course not! C2's father has taken a turn for the worse. He is moving to hospice later today. Our house is much closer to the father's than C2's current place, so C2 is staying here until things are sorted out.

C2 doesn't have fond memories of his father or his childhood. His mother died in a car accident when he was four. His step mother died of leukemia a few years later. His father was distant and harsh. C2 moved in with a friend's family when he was 16. He joined the navy when he was 18.

C2 has always been quiet about his life before I met him. I can see why. There is not much he wants to remember.

Halloween-- It was good this year.  We had about forty kids. It was an early Halloween. Kids started showing up around 4:30. They stopped showing up by 7:00 so we turned out our lights by 7:30

The half empty bag of candy still sits on the kitchen counter. I'm going to throw it out. I don't trust myself to only eat one piece a day. I'll gorge.

It's a gorgeous day today. Nice reprieve from the wind and rain that we've been having.

The mother-in-law is in her new apartment. 

We had a large amount of wind and rain on Thursday and Friday. Of course her stuff arrived on Thursday.

I am surprised how much work it takes to setup even a small apartment.

By late Saturday morning, enough of her apartment with set up that we took a break. We took a walk around her neighborhood on her new scooter. The neighborhood is nice but older. Not all the sidewalks are scooter friendly. They are not hard to navigate around once you know the alternate route.

Hopefully the husband and I can now resume our normal life.

It's been a rainy and windy weekend.

We visited the mother-in-laws new place. Took a few things to it. Set up the wifi. The place is very nice. She is looking forward to moving in.

There is still no news on when her stuff will arrive. We are contemplating getting her a bed and a few other necessities so that she can move in before her stuff arrives. The retirement home covers her meals so she won't need much. This would let her meet her neighbors rather than hang around our place all day.

 

Last night we had dinner with C2, his step-brother and the mother-in-law. This was C2's idea. His step-brother is in town for a week and C2 was looking for ways to entertain him. 

The dinner turned out well. This was the first time I've met C2's step-brother so there was a bit of risk the dinner would be volatile

On the mother-in-law front-- she has sold her car and given up her drivers license. I feel a little sad that she has accepted that she is in decline. Of course her whole move to Seattle was driven by that fact. Giving up your mobility though, that's a big step.

Mother-in-law may be with us for the next two or three weeks. The mover in Sacramento told her that it would only take a week to transport her stuff. Now that she is Seattle, the Seattle branch of the mover has said it will take much longer. Frustrating for everyone.

The moving company has been hanging up on the mother-in-law when she calls. This may be because the mother-in-law has been calling and poking too often, too aggressively. It may also be because something is wrong with the mover. 

 > Congratulations, it is always good to have options :)

Yes. Now I have access to those fabulous "American Privileges" like jury duty, voting, and being able to be run for the House or Senate.

I've been a permanent resident for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. It was time to take the next step.

C2 has a security clearance. He thanked me for getting my citizenship as it's less paperwork for him-- he must report relationships with foreign nationals.

 

After two years, my citizenship has been approved! 

I don't yet know when I'll take the oath. Sometime in the next month I'll be mailed a card with a date.

I am home. C2 and I cleaned up the place and set up a room for the mother-in-law. 

The husband and the mother-in-law are about an hour away. They took two days to make the journey from Sacramento.

C2 is planning to stay at a friend's weekend-home while the mother-in-law is here. It's a cabin on an island that's about ninety minutes from Seattle. It will be a good base for him while he continues to house hunt.

Our trip is coming to end. We fly back Friday. 

We have had a great time exploring. Kauai is gorgeous. 

For the first time in years, I've spent more than an hour away from my cell phone.

Reality will return quickly once we are back in Seattle. Saturday, the husband will fly down to Sacramento to drive his mother up for her new life in the Pacific North West. She will stay with us until her stuff arrives from Sacramento.

C2, who is still crashing at our place, and I will need to work this out. If he can entertain a little old lady every day for a few hours, then he may be useful to have around.

There are many feral chickens here. They flock in the parks. They flock around picnic tables, around people eating outdoors. The super aggressive ones will hop up on your table and dash for your sandwich.

> Well, if I ever get to Hawaii, I will be doing all I can :)

Personal scheduling… the husband and I take opposite approaches. I like to keep my schedule clear with fewer commitments and plenty of downtime. I am comfortable winging it. Sometimes at the end of a trip, I will wish I did more, prepared more. 

The husband likes to fill his schedule up visiting the sites, exploring, driving around  towns, walking around neighborhoods, visiting old coworkers who happen to be in the same place, maybe stumbling on condos or hotels that look nice for future trips. He prefers a schedule thats full and predictable, with most of the problems thought through up front.  Sometimes in the middle of things he will exclaim that he is overcommitted and needs some downtime. 

We do balance each other. 

We are in Kauai, Hawaii for a week. It is wonderful here. When the husband asked me what I wanted to do here, I told him that I wanted to feel boredom. I haven't felt that in so long.

I was not on the approved list for the COVID booster. I was only scheduled to get a flu shot. While the nurse was reviewing my paperwork, I asked if I could also get a COVID booster. She looked over my vaccine card, a picture on my cell phone, then she said it was over six months since I've had my second vaccine and I could have a booster.

October--

Two years ago in October I left my big old job and started the hunt for someplace new.

Twenty years ago in October, I started this blog. 

So much has happened in twenty years. Hell-- so much has changed in two. There are a few constants. I've known the husband for most of that time. (Love you sweetie if you are reading this!) Most of my old friends are still my friends. Most everything else has been through the blender.

It makes me cautious about forward planning. The husband and I have been discussing retirement. We think we could do it in five or six years.  It sounds so easy-- keep working, save money, retire. The next five years probably won't be simple and straight forward though. Got only knows what twists and turns are on the road ahead. 

 

The husband is off to Sacramento to help ready his mother for her move to Seattle. 

Late afternoon, I had my flu shot and my COVID booster. The nurse explained that the side effects of the COVID booster would be similar to those my second shot of the original vaccine.

Perhaps I will use these as an excuse to have an extra cocktail tonight and lay round tomorrow. 

Today was C2's last day of work. He too is moving to Seattle. Tomorrow he will start on a road trip to Seattle. When he gets here, he will spend a few weeks with us until he finds a place to stay.

 "I'm not looking for your opinion, but I am looking for your input." 

The mother-in-law is selling her home. One of the buyers has asked for her to hold the mortgage. The husband, of course, thinks this is a terrible idea. The mortgage is for thirty years. The mother-in-law is eighty four. If anything goes wrong then it will be up to the husband to fix.

The mother in law doesn't seem to care about that risk. During their discussion, the mother-in-law said "I'm not looking for your opinion, but I am looking for your input."

It would be funny if there wasn't so much at stake.

The brother-in-law, the husband and I have started constantly using that line with each other.

Would the brother-in-law moving to PV be a a good thing? 

No. In all honesty this is probably the start of his next manic episode. He will eventually kill himself if moves to PV. 

What are my obligations through this? 

None. I am very certain that that things will get worse if I (or the husband) try to intervene. The brother-in-law is proud of his independence. It will blow up if we gently move to keep him safe. He will push harder to show us how well he can do on his own.

The husband and I flew down to Santa Barbara for the weekend. It was a work-award trip for the husband. Last year his team was a top seller. So I met and hung out with his coworkers. They are a good group of people. I'm sure everyone was on their best behavior. None the less, I enjoyed myself.

I am amazed with the resilience of the brother in law. 

He has started delivering for Door Dash on his bicycle.

He is taking a "How to teach ESL" course. He is looking to move to Puerto Vallarta to live on the cheap and will teach ESL to supplement his income. 

I'm not sure what income he has.

Summer is ending. It's cooler  out. The rains are returning. I've turned off the sprinkler and the AC.

The husband flew down to Sacramento to help his mother sell off her things. She is downsizing and moving to Seattle. Part of the challenge is that she thinks her things are way more valuable than the are. Especially in a time when COVID has hurt the 2nd hand furniture and collectables market.

Saturday, I hosted a small picnic for one of my teams. It really enjoyed the time.

I've hired most of them over zoom. This was the first time we've met in person.

This past week, the husband and I have watched a couple of planned vacations become restricted to the point where we probably can't go.

About a year ago we bought a European cruise scheduled for December 2021. There should be vaccines by then! This will all be over by then! Now, with the delta variant, travel restrictions have grown to the point that we've had to cancel.  

Last year the husband won an work-awards trip to Basel Switzerland. COVID canceled that. Instead he was given a trip to Hawaii. This morning we received an email asking visitors of Hawaii to stay away

Our new plan is just to take some time off, and see what's available when the time gets close. Things are too fluid to make long term plans.

Personally, I'd be happy renting a cabin along the Pacific North West ocean, and just storm watching for a week.

Labor day weekend was a great ending to summer.

Saturday, we went to the State Fair with QJ & C6. Afterwards we went back to their place, to swim, play games and have dinner.

C6 and QJ are *very* social. They said that over the last year, they've had 30 couples over for swimming, games and ice cream. Outdoors to be COVID safe. I believe it. They have always made an effort to get to know everyone.

Sunday, evening we had dinner with Evan, Allen, a friend of theirs and our brother in law. 

Today the brother in law hosted a small party at the rowing club. 

The brother in law is doing much better. He said he can now take deep and full breaths without coughing or pain.

Over the weekend, we went to an AA gay men's retreat. We've gone to this retreat four times now. I always enjoy it. It's as much a social thing as it is work on a twelve step program. Indeed, the social parts of the retreat are the reasons for its existence. Many recovering addicts have burned their past relationships. The retreat was created as an opportunity to make new acquittances and catch up with old.

I'm always a little bit of an odd duck at this retreat in that I'm not an addict and not sober. None the less, there are a few regular attendees at the retreat that I would like to stay in touch with. 

There is an author who moves around the country depending on the time. of year. He spends early summer in Alaska. He likes August in the Pacific North West.

There is another man, who only has one  leg. In his past life, he lived around the world. I say "lived around the world" and not "traveled around the world" He lived in many countries in Asia and Central America until his travels came to an end when he lost his leg in Mexico. Now he lives full time in PV, though he spends a month a year in the PNW. He is one of the calmest and most approachable people I've met. 

Hmmm. What does it say about me that I want a few friends who are nomads? Perhaps I am traveling by proxy.

 Actually... the brother-in-law has pneumonia, psittacosis, c-diff *and* valley fever. 

I'm googling these diseases. The county is doing contract tracing on him. What the hell did he do?

The brother in law has psittacosis-- bird chlamydia. Google it. It's a real thing. Apparently, just before his big bender, a sick wild bird found its way into his apartment. He tried to care for it for a bit. 

The psittacosis caused a very bad pneumonia in him while he was drinking.

He is home now-- on an oxygen machine and three antibiotics. 

C6 is also on the mend. Eventually he went to the hospital and received the COVID antibiotic super-treatment. 

The husband is loosing weight at a healthy pace.

Socially, all is good. Work is stressful. But home is good.

 And something I haven't mentioned-- the husband had bariatric surgery a couple of weeks ago while I was away in Ontario. His plan. He know he would be in a fowl mood after his surgery so he didn't want me around. 

He's lost 25lbs so far and is looking good. 

The brother-in-law is in and out of the hospital. They are not sure what he has. They have given him many tests. 

C6 has COVID. He was vaccinated, but has a heart transplant and is on immunosuppressants. C6 and his husband, QJ, went down to Lazy Bear last week. Their room mates down their tested positive. Two days later C6 had it.

QJ says C6 is in pain. His oxygen is good. QJ is discussing with C6's medical people if C6 should go to the hospital.

Going to Lazy Bear when you are on immunosuppressants... It's easy for me to roll my eyes at that as I'm comfortable isolating. C6 has always been super social. COVID has been a major stress for him.

And me... I'm doing well. Sunday was Bate's official retirement party. Sunday evening Allen and Evan were over for dinner and games.

Tuesday was National Night out. It is a night where our community gets to meet each other and our local police. National Night out is probably our neighborhoods largest social event.

We take over a local park, setup many inflatable kids activities, have face painting, clowns, balloon art, side walk chalk drawings and free hotdogs, ice cream and samosas. The husband and I have volunteered for this for a few years. The husband cooks and serves hotdogs and samosas. I am the gopher. I empty the garbage, hand out water bottles, substitute for volunteers when they need it (I made and served popcorn for about an hour only burning two batches) and help on whatever crises crop op.

There were two crises this year.

The relish... Usually the someone from the committee buys a dozen bottles of squeezable relish for the event. This year he couldn't find squeezable relish in the store. He bought squeeze bottles and big bottles of relish at Costco. That relish was too chunky to squirt out of the squeeze bottles. So we cut the squeeze bottles to open up the hole. No luck. The relish was still to chunky. So we blended the relish and then put it in the squeeze bottles. Success.

Second crises... the samosas. Last year we served up about two hundred samosas. There are plenty of vegetarians in the neighborhood and the samosas offer them something instead of hot dogs. 

Thirty minutes before the event started, I drove over to another volunteers house to pick up the samosas. They were still frozen. Last year we bought pre-cooked samosas from a local restaurant. This year the guy in charge of buying the food tried to save money by buying two hundred raw frozen samosas. We didn't know about this until the last minute.

"But the instructions say just put them in the oven at 350F for 15 minutes!"

Two hundreds raw frozen samosas don't fit into one or two ovens. We split them into ten trays. The volunteer baked six of the trays in her two ovens and on her BBQ. I baked the remaining in my oven and on my BBQ. I think about half of the samosas baked properly. The other half welded themselves to the tray, or baked into a large mass.

We showed up to the party thirty minutes late, but with enough samosas to satisfy a few families.

When we ran out we just said "The samosas were very popular. We'll get more this year."

The guy who bought the frozen samosas apologized. Next year we'll use the restaurant again.

Am now flying back to Seattle from Toronto.

Had a bit of excitement over my return COVID-test. When you return to the U.S. you need a covid test within 72 hours before departure. For the last two days of my trip, I was with my parents who live in the middle of no-where. The nearest test-site to my parents was a county run and not set up to process anyone who didn't have a Canadian health card, so...

Fortunately Toronto is well setup. I worked with a friend in Toronto who is a travel agent. We found a company near the airport that does rapid tests. I left my parents a little early on Sunday, made the five hour drive to Toronto and got my COVID test.

My parents eat a lot of sausage, egg, potato, ham, bread and cheese. And cookies and coffee. Don't forget the cookies and coffee. My stomach feels bogged down after a few meals with them. 

I had lunch with my cousin today. She has a similar problem with her parents. These stubborn old people-- eating what's convenient. We commiserated over salads. 

I used to be happy that my parents all lived near their brothers and sisters. My hope was that they could take care of each other in an emergency. Now I see that they are all old. The young ones are in their late seventies. Half of them have lost their drivers licenses. They are not going to be able to take care of each other.

Life at my parents is very tranquil. At least for now. This summer in the Ottawa Valley is very pleasant with enough heat and rain they everything growing like crazy.

We had breakfast with an uncle and an aunt this morning. They are all getting old. Maybe they are talking themselves into an early grave... 

A couple years ago at my aunts last eye doctor appointment, she was informed that that doctor now does everything online. It would be more convenient if she scheduled appointments or got reminders that way. My aunt decided that she had enough with harassment from that doctor and hasn't gone back since. Of course there are no either eye doctors in this neck of the woods. So she is slowly going blind with aging eye glasses.

 

I had a great first week in Toronto. Toronto is coming out of it's pandemic lockdown, so while I hung out with my friends, they were hanging out with people for the first time in weeks.

My friends are all vaccinated now.  and mostly we stayed outdoors. Toronto is having a lovely summer. It was easy to watch movies in the back yard, or take a long walk along the lake.

I drove from Toronto to my parents on Sunday. It's a five hour drive. They live way out in small town Ontario.

They are doing well. Dad, who had his knees replaced over winter, is walking just fine for a seventy seven year old man. Mother is starting to be a little more wobbly when she walks. It's especially noticeable when she gets out of the truck. 

Monday, I had breakfast with them in the morning. After that, I drove back to my hotel and worked there for the day. In the evening I returned to their place, had a late dinner with them and a couple of drinks. We watched a little TV together. Then I said goodbye and drove back to the hotel.

I am in Toronto. Other Canadian friends in WA were curious about what I went through to travel, so I write this up... 

My journey had much testing and showing documentation.

Direct daytime flights were *very* expensive. I ended up taking a red-eye that flew through Chicago.

Needed a COVID test in Seattle before departure. There is a list of accepted partners on the WA State COVID website. I used a drive though test run by GS Health in Bellevue. They were fast. I am reluctant about giving positive feedback to anyone who sticks a q tip up my nose. Outside that, I'd recommend them.

Upload your data in ArriveCan (Canadian Immigration Service) before departure. You can only do this after your negative test, and within 72 hours of your flight. You will need to provide an address you can quarantine at, should it come to that.

Air Canada checked documentation in Chicago. (ArriveCan receipt, Proof of Vaccination. Proof of Negative Covid Test) They were turning away people. I saw an American wife of a Canadian get turned away because fully vaccinated Americans are not yet allowed in Canada for optional reasons.

After I arrived in Toronto, my documentation was checked multiple times by multiple people. No intense grilling over specifics. The officials just read the documents, then checked and added stamps to my passport.

There was another post arrival COVID test after immigration. This will go faster if you setup an account with Switch Health beforehand.

Finally, I was given "Instructions for Canadians with Vaccine Exemptions" and sent me on my way.

I will need to have another COVID test before I return to the USA. So I found a provider near my Parents and scheduled an appointment three days before my return.

All told I needed to create accounts with three health providers for my COVID tests and then create an ArriveCan account for immigration. I needed to provide proof of vaccination and proof of a negative COVID test. I had paper on online copies of both.

The borders have opened up enough that I will fly back to Ontario, Canada for a couple weeks to visit family and friends. I haven't seen my parents in two years, so it's time. Currently non-Canadian's can't easily enter without quarantining so the husband will stay in Seattle.

Of course cross-border travel now has much testing and paperwork. Three COVID tests total. First is a pre-flight test which I had yesterday. The second is a a post arrival test which will be administered after I land in Toronto. I'll have my third test before I fly back to Seattle.

The brother-in-law is still in the hospital and is slowly recovering. The plan is that next week he will be released from the hospital. He'll spend a few days at our house with the husband. He'll go through his outpatient treatment here. 

The husband is at the brother-in-law's apartment today, working with our house cleaner to deep clean it. This is more than I would have done for the brother-in-law, but the husband really wants to help.

Saturday story... For the first time since COVID the husband and I went out for an evening. We stayed up past 9pm! We met friends for dinner on Capital Hill then saw a band.

Capital Hill is in full recovery after last years protests. Restaurants and bars are open again. Street life is bustling.

The city is still allowing the "open air" accommodations made for COVID. This means that many restaurants have tables out into the sidewalks. Some of the smaller streets were closed and operating as a street fair.

It's nice to see a vibrant Capital Hill again.

The brother in law is still in the hospital. He can talk now, but quickly becomes tired.

The husband and I went to the brother-in-laws apartment after the hospital visit. The apartment was disgusting. Garbage was everywhere. The place smelt of piss and rot. Maggots were in the garbage. Blueberries were every where. All over the carpet. All over the kitchen floor. Rotting meat was also on the floor. The husband suspects that during the heat wave the brother-in-law took frozen food out of his freezer and used it to cool. 

We threw out anything rotten. Anything that was attracting bugs or mice. Then we placed traps and sprayed the place down with bug killer.

We agree that the brother-in-law is on his way to a quick death especially if he continues to live alone. We are talking amongst ourselves to figure out who, how and wen we have this conversation with him. When he is sober he is a bright, creative and hardworking guy. But every now and then...

The brother-in-law is in a real pickle. He is still largely unconscious. He has alcohol induced hepatitis, pneumonia and some kind of blood infection. His electrolytes refuse to get into balance. He has lost a tooth and looks like shit.

This is all hard on the husband. The husband really loves his brother and deeply wants to help him. I have to watch my tongue as I feel no sympathy for the brother-in-law. The brother-in-law has been having alcoholic meltdowns for decades. For just as long, the husband has been rescuing him from the brink

The brother-in-law is not going to stay sober with a little more love, a little more help, and a renewed commitment to AA. The brother-in-law needs a radically different situation. Maybe he needs a conservatorship. Maybe he needs to be a ward of the state. Maybe we need to accept that it's just a matter of time before he drinks himself to death.

The brother-in-law is in the hospital being detoxed. Sunday two old friends dropped in to check on him. He place was a mess. He was barely coherent. 

The husband is trying to stay uninvolved. This is really hurting him.

 

July 4, Bates took us to visit his model train club. These aren't little toy trains. They are 1:8 working trains, powerful enough to tow twenty more more seated passengers over three miles of track.

I'm fascinated by the amount of effort that goes into this. There are many different types of trains-- real steam trains. Diesel trains. Electric Trains. Each attracts a different type of train geek. 

We have hot water again! Praise Jesus!

We quickly spent in the upper four figures to address this— plumbers, flood restoration, drywall contractor, new hot water tank and a pressure regulator for the house. Insurance should cover much of it. I'm thankful we had enough savings and big credit cards to see it through. 

Heat wave in Seattle. 105F today. 110F tomorrow. 

And a power outage Sunday afternoon.

The husband is of to CA for work for a couple of days. I had dinner with my old boss and his wife. It was good to catch up.

We've had a plumbing emergency. The roommate found a wet spot on her carpet. Tracing it back to the wall, we found the sheet rock was wet on both sides of that wall. A pipe in the wall was leaking. 

To get access to the pipe, the plumber had to remove the hot water tank. So no hot water for the next few days.

Right now there are blowers and dehumidifiers drying things out. Fortunately the husband and the room mate are traveling, so they won't have to endure most of the restoration.

The mother-in-law is heading back home. Mission Accomplished. She has a refundable deposit in at one retirement home for an apartment that comes available in September. She has her name on a waiting-list at another retirement home that could be available earlier.  

The brother in law called this morning with his daily drunk update. He kept trying to pick a fights with the husband. The husband avoided the bait. This left the brother-in-law confused and unsure what to discuss. 

 

Sunday, the husband, the mother and law and I toured around the area. We visited the Snoqualmie Falls. We had brunch. We drove by retirement homes that the mother-in-law may be interested in.

Since she started looking at retirement homes, the mother-in-law has become very clear on the qualities that she's looking for.

The home can't be on hilly territory. She must be able to get around on her scooter. This requirement has eliminated a surprising number of homes.

They must have a plan for power outages. She must be on a oxygen system 24 hours a day. A surprising number of homes don't have a backup plan for a power outage.

Stay away from homes with memory care. This quality is interesting. It seems that homes that offer memory-care typically don't have units with patios or balconies as people with memory issues tend to wander off or fall over the balcony. The restrictions in the building also dramatically increase as the staff is prepared to deal with people who can't think things through. She wants a little more independence than these places can offer. 

Today she is revisiting the two places that meet all her criteria. The nice thing is that she can afford to wait. She can afford to sign up for a place that won't be available for months. No last minute emergency here. 

 

The visit with the mother-in-law is going well. Each day, she and the husband tour a few retirement homes. She has found one that has a nice balance of being pleasant and affordable.

She is disappointed that her other son, my brother-in-law, is too drunk to see her. 

We haven't heard from the brother-in-law today. He's been calling once a day to give us a drunk-update. Yesterday he cried over the fact that his drinking was making him sick and that he still couldn't stop. 

"Why don't you pour it out?" the husband suggested.

"I don't know.... I'm not ready yet." the brother-in-law replied.

As a non-addict, I don't understand the desire to hurt yourself so much. Maybe I no longer care. 

If someone runs their life into the ground, I may help them up once. At some point I've got to let go and let them figure it out for them self.

The weather is pleasant here in Seattle. Temperatures in the low 70s. The rain is abating. I've been taking my laptop to work outside.

The brother-in-law called this morning. He is drunk. The brother-in-law spent part of his morning on the phone with the husband, crying about his problems. 

The brother-in-law doesn't want to see his mother while he is drunk. 

The husband is letting go. He's not going to rescue the brother-in-law this time. The brother-in-law must address his own problem. No amount of our help will help. We have to accept that the brother-in-law is going to be a drunk. Helping him, cushioning his falls, helping him recover, is wasting our time. 

 We are back in Seattle.

The mother-in-law will be here on Wednesday. She is here looking for a senior home to move into. She is 84 and living on her own. She recognizes that she is one bad day away from needing assistance. I'm thankful that she is doing this proactively and not after she's had another large physical meltdown.

So what kind of music am I catching up on?

Mostly I'm going through Jane Siberry. You would be forgiven if you've never heard of her. A few of her songs appeared in movies and on TV back in the 90s. She was never really a chart topper

Outside of her 'popular' songs Siberry did many experimental albums and collaborations with other artists. I'm listening to those.

Work offices are now now open at 20% capacity. If we are vaccinated, then we don't have to wear a mask.

Maybe I'll start going in one day a week. I intend to work from home as much as possible. 

The husband is still away. He should return from his meetings on Thursday.

In the evenings I've been obsessively listening to music. Catching up on the bands that I stopped listening to after I grew up and developed an adult taste in music. Playing online games. Eating every sweet in the house. Adulthood returns tomorrow.

The husband is away working for a few days. Meeting his team for the first time since COVID. He is near LA, while I stay in San Diego and take care of the cat. 

This evening was the first time the cat let me touch her.

What have I been doing? The time goes so fast. Work soaks up most of the day. I have no problems occupying my evenings. Either more work. Or play games with friends. 

The weather in San Diego is pleasant.

That cat has shown herself. Just in brief flashes as she runs from her hiding spot to her food. She will not be cuddling with us anytime soon. I am happy that the cat is still alive.

The husband and I have been touring the city. Hiking the parks. Walking along the beaches. Sunday we went to the zoo. This is a nice getaway. Tomorrow works starts again.

We are down in San Diego for another Workation. A friend who lives in SD needed a house sitter for a week. The husband arranged for a team meeting nearby. And so we are here.

In theory we are house sitting to take care of a cat. I haven't seen the cat in over a day. I only know it's still here because something is using the litter box. The owner says this is to be expected. The cat is very timid. A literal fraidy cat. The owner says it will take a day or two for the cat to warm up to us. Until then just clean the litter box, keep the food and water topped up, and watch out for cat vomit.

We had a wonderful long weekend. Now that most of us are vaccinated, we spent much of it catching up with old friends.

Saturday.... Saturday was Bate's last work day. He is now retired. He is (was?) a train engineer. We met him at the end of his run. Then we went out for dinner and drinks with a few of his friends.

Bates is excited for his retirement. He and his husband are traveling for the next few months. Then he is volunteering with a few west coast train clubs.

Sunday was the annual bear pool party at C1's and QJ's. It was very well attended. We saw old acquaintances for the first time since COVID.

Monday we kayaked again. The Brother-In-Law gathered a few of his friends and we had a small picnic at his row club.

I am the big 51 now. The husband did a great job of ensuring I had a fun few days. Thursday we had a nice dinner out, just the husband and I.

Friday we had dinner out with Yo and the Angle. We had a great time, but I drank *way* too much. On the drive home the husband had to pull over and let me vomit.

Thank you husband for being patient with me. In general, people in AA have no patience or sympathy for those who are drinking too much. Nor should they.

Saturday-- dinner with Clem and Bates. Margaritas. Bates is going to retire next week. He has elaborate post retirement plans. More at those later.

Sunday-- BBQ with the AA friends.

 

Life in the Seattle suburbs continues.

A sick coworker returned to work today. He told me that he has now had COVID twice. Second time was worse than the first. He had to travel back and forth to India for family reaons, so this is a special circumstance and not wanton masklessness.

Tommy reminds me that many gay men are not gainfully using their lives. Some are choosing suicide by neglect. Tommy's experience is not unique. I know many gay men who would rather drink and party than do something that's a little like work.

Let me look at my Brother's Facebook feed…. Yes he is still posting these strained anti-establishment/anti-mask/pro-gun memes.

I don't have it in me to be angry at all this craziness. I don't know why. I have heard that sometimes I act like I don't care about the world. And I can see why. 

For a long time, since I was a kid, I've known that I can choose what I get angry at. With all the crazy in this world, angry won't help. So I just move on and live how I believe is right.

 

 

On Friday, our last day in the Bay Area, we hiked around with Mm. It was good to see her. She has had a tough year, but things are looking up for her.

Now we are on our way home. I really enjoyed our time away. I am looking forward to our own bed.

I like that we could take our time with this trip. No rushed long weekend. No getting up at 4am to catch a 6am flight so we could have a good full day. We traveled during the day. We spent a few extra days to make up for it. We didn't have to run. We could linger. Worked when we needed. Spend time with the family. See the sights and then head back.

We will do these working vacations again a few times this summer. In June we will house and pet watch for a friend. Then, when Canada opens up, I will fly up there to visit my parents. 

Last night, the husband took me out for a nice dinner in Sausalito. Sausalito is a cute city just north of San Francisco, on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge.

After dinner we toured around the Marin Headlands, trying to catch a view of the Golden Gate. 

We are on to the second half of our workation. We have left the family in Sacramento and are spending a few days at a nice B&B in San Rafael. 

Before we left Sacramento, the mother-in-law and the husband had a good chat. A needed talk. Just as his father did, just as any elderly person will, she is one bad day away from needing a different plan.

She had a fecal scan for colon cancer and it came back positive. She has COPD, so it’s risky to put her under for a full colorectal exam. Alternatives are being explored. It could be serious, or it could be one bad polyp that can be clipped. She has no blockage right now and is feeling as good usual. So here she is, one bad day away from needing a different plan.

"This expired in 2007." The husband is looking at a bottle of Tylenol. He has a stomach ache and asked his mother if she had anything for it. The mother-in-law gave the tylenol from her medicine cabinet.

"It should still be OK. Let me see if I have anything else." Mother-in-law looks though her medicine cabinet again. "How about this.. it only expired last month."

When we visit the mother-in-law, she always gives us some of her stuff. This time it's cookbooks. Many of these are charming 60s and 70s cookbooks. I love the audacity of "Meals that Heal" with waffles on the cover, and cancer curing casseroles inside. 

The salad has lemon jello, lime jello, crushed pineapple, shredded cucumber, mayonnaise and horseradish. We are in Sacramento visiting the mother-in-law. She is cooking for us.

We are here on a workation. We will be in Sacramento for a little over a week to visit in-laws, yet neither of us have taken time off from work. I am fine with that. By day I can work in the hotel. In the evenings we will have dinner with the mother-in-law. This is a good balance.

Over the weekend, the brother-in-law took us kayaking. Backing up-- the brother-in-law found an inexpensive rowing club near him. He applied for, and became a member.

The rowing club is not in a building-- it's in a building boat that floats on the lake. What's a building boat? Well, you know house boats like they have in "Sleepless in Seattle" this is similar, except it's a whole small office building. 

To keep it's tax-status as a boat, once a year the building-boat has to be disconnected from the land and floated around the lake. Apparently this is a big celebration for row-club members, but a big stress for its management.

Back to us, Saturday the brother-in-law checked out kayaks and the three of us paddled along the lake. Very tranquil unless a big boat powers by.

I am powerless over free chocolate, cake or ice cream. Put a price tag on it and I can abstain. Tell me that there is left over cake in the garbage can and... well... more on that later...

Last weekend was Evan's Birthday. He rented a cottage at the ocean and invited us along. To celebrate, the husband brought along a huge, delicious take. We ate away at it the whole weekend. Really we gorged on it. Slices after dinner on Friday, for breakfast Saturday and then after dinner. More again for breakfast on Sunday.

It was huge. It was rich. It was delicious. 

On Sunday as we were leaving, Evan threw the last slice out. This lead to my afore mentioned garbage can diving.

We lucked out at the ocean. We experienced a freak April heatwave with low 70s temps and non-stop sun. Many of the restaurants where overwhelmed. Usually at this time of the year it's 50 degrees and cloudy and the Ocean Shore restaurants are staffed for that. On Friday, at the first restaurant that we approached, the hostess quickly announced "It's going to be 90 minutes to sit at a table and an hour for take out." I am happy she was honest with us.

A dear friend of the husband is moving to Oklahoma. Why Oklahoma? It's inexpensive. Decent houses are affordable. 

The friend is trying to entice us to move there... "There are gay people there," she said. "We bought our house from a gay man who said he had no problems fitting in."

To be honest, until this friend mentioned Oklahoma, I knew very little about it. It's somewhere in the middle of the country. There is a musical named after it.

This move touched a nerve in the husband. Where do we want to live when we retire? We started a good conversation.

The husband feels untethered. While we both have careers in Seattle,  we have more friends and family away from Seattle than within. He have a lovely house here. It's much larger than we need, especially after we hit our 70s. Another move is in our future. It may be a decade away, but it's there.

He pointed out that many of my best friends are still in Toronto. If we moved there, my social life could easily improve.

The Husbands friends are more distributed across the country. He has some family in California. They are mostly elderly. 

Nothing really holds him to Seattle and there is no clear place that calls him.

Since we both can work remote, we discussed using that privilege more-- especially as COVID eases. Perhaps we could spend a month in Arizona. Or New Mexico.

I'm also open to working for a month from Central or South America. Logistically that doesn't work for the Husband as his job sometimes requires travel in the U.S.

This past Saturday, the husband organized a community food drive. It went well. We delivered 5 SUVs full of groceries to a local food and clothing bank.

We got to meet many of our neighbors in the process.

It's been a little more spring like this past week. You can sit out side for a while without being chilled.

We had an in-person Easter brunch yesterday. Everyone had different numbers of vaccines in their system. Some had one J&J. Others one Monderna. Technically we were flouting the COIVD guidelines. It felt good to see old friends in person.

The husband has organized a food drive for the local foodbank. Sunday afternoon we picked up food from a friend who has hording tendencies.  We know her though AA. She is getting her life back on track. But, man-o-man she has a lot of stuff in her apartment. We filled the back of the husband's SUV with canned and dried goods that she finally admits she has no need of. We could have filled another SUV and she still would have had plenty to eat for a month.

Life has been routine. This is good. C3 likes to remind me that there are probably 1 billion people in this world who would kill to have my life.

Saturday the husband, Yo and I went on a long walk with our dogs. In the afternoon we looked over our camping gear to check that we are ready for the summer. Saturday evening I played games over Zoom with friends.

Work has been stressful. We've had a few problems with the service that I work on. When this happens, one of my tech leads likes to cover his ass first and solve the problem second. I'm trying hard to talk him back from that approach. It's going to hold him back at some point.

 We have received our 2nd shots of the Pfizer vaccine. No plans to travel or anything like that. Just a weight off our back.

Rufus is back! Or a Rufous humming bird is back. 

Last spring a rufous humming bird took over our back yard and chased other hummingbirds away. I would watch him through the day. He brightened up my COVID experience. But then, as Rufous's do, towards the end of summer, he few away.

Our humming bird feeders are never unused. For most of the winter they are frequented by Anna's hummingbirds which are an iridescent green. Yesterday I briefly spotted an orange blur chasing an Anna away. I cleaned and refilled the feeders outside my office window. I got the camera ready.

Honestly don't know that this is the same Rufous from last year. In the spring Rufous hummingbirds migrate from Mexico all the way up to Alaska, so this one could be passing through. 

1. I'm a little disappointed in myself. With my husband away I had planned to do all sorts of things. Projects I've been putting off. Reading. Instead I binge watched TV. I caught up on all the shows that the husband isn't fond of. And I played games.

2. Over a year ago I applied for U.S. citizenship. I've lived in the U.S. for twenty four years. I'm married to an American. It's time.

At long last I have an date for my citizenship interview-- the first week of April. Now I am busy studying my civics questions. Most are easy ("What major event happened on Sept 11, 2001?")  Some give me pause. ("What are the Federalist Papers? Why are they important?")

The husband and the brother-in-law are in PV for the week. I am still in Seattle. He planned the trip to PV back when I intended to spend March with my parents. When the trip to my parents was canceled, I didn't decide to join him in PV.

Why? I filled my March up with work goals and it's difficult for my to back peddle off them right now. That may be a bit of an excuse. I am looking forward to some quiet time. Just me and the dog. Watching the TV shows that the husband doesn't enjoy. Eating all the fish I want (The husband hates fish)

Spending a week with the husband and the brother-in-law would be too much.

The brother-in-law-- he is back from the brink of his addiction. At least for now.

I bought a bike. A regular bicycle. I haven't owned a bike in years. The husband started bicycling a bit last year. Now that the weather is improving, I thought I'd get one so I can join him when possible.

Last week was very routine. Work by day. Relax by night. Games over zoom with friends when we can. 

Today we received our first shots of the Pfizer vaccine. It was a big drive-thru mass vaccination event. You wait in line. They check your paper work. You wait inline some more. They recheck your paperwork and tell you what to expect. Passengers on the left must have there left arm ready. Passengers on the right-- their right. When its your turn you roll down your window, stick out your arm and get the shot.

Looking at the schedule, I'd say that around 4000 people went though.

So far no notable side effects. My arm is a bit stiff. I'm not feeling nauseous or tired.

The brother-in-law has left our house. For months he had our house-key. The husband asked for and got it back.

The brother-in-law is here. He is drunk. The husband and he are having some kind of conversation. The kind of conversation where the sober patiently listen to the inebriated. 

It is exhausting.

Earlier the husband and I had a small argument. We can't be his detox. We can't pick the brother-in-law up every time he goes off the rails. The brother-in-law has had major alcoholic meltdowns at least eight times. And I stress the major-- week long benders that have destroyed his jobs, his health, his relationships. 

The husband loves his brother so much. It will be difficult for him to let go.

The snow left quickly. We've had rains for the last few days.

The brother-in-law has not called the husband in the last three days. The husband is worrying about him. He is almost at the point where he wants to drive to the brother-in-law's apartment to check if he is still alive.

We are having a big dump of snow-- about eight inches in the past day. Maybe another two in the next.

It feels good to have a snow day. Even with COVID. Even though it's the weekend. If I want to curl up on the sofa with the husband and just play games, then so be it. The outside is pretty, but not easier to walk or drive though.

One of the symptoms of meth use is that self-doubt goes away. Paranoia takes over. When a meth users looses their keys they start to think "Someone is breaking into my house and stealing my things." When a meth user becomes confused by a smart-phone glitch they start to think they have been hacked.

The brother-in-law has started down that path. He misconfigured his phone. It must be a hack. He doesn't understand the messages on his home router. That must be hacked too. 

All this scaring the husband. Meth is such a horrible drug. The brother-in-law is going to burn his life up again. All we can do is stand back and watch it happen.

Life returns to the routine. Post reorg, my job is busy, but we are making progress. The husband is adjusting to his new job as well. He has been studying and taking tests for the past two weeks. It stresses him out, but he is making progress.

My father is having knee surgery half way through March. It's been a year and a half since I've visited my parents, so I plan on making the trip. Of course since my parents live in Canada and we are in a pandemic, things will be complicated. Canada is much more strict with its COVID plans.

I'll fly to Toronto, get a COVID test and then and quarantine in Toronto for two weeks. I've rented a nice AirB&B near friends. It should have good wifi, so I can work while I quarantine.

After quarantine, I'll drive up to my parents and spend two weeks with them. 

The situation is changing fast. There is talk of requiring the quarantine period to be in government approved hotel. Canada has a habit of making the rules first, and then figuring out the implementation later. So, the interpretations of the latest restrictions change day by day.

1. The work week ended well. Far better than it could have. My boss, my team and I came up with a plan. Now we have to execute on it.

2. C2 was in town for the weekend. Two months ago he had asymptomatic COVID. He is now over it, so he is much more comfortable traveling. He visited his father-- in the same room with a mask. He has prickly relations with his sister and his step mom. No visits there. His step mom was angry at the masked visit with his father. She is uncomfortable with him because he had COVID.

3. I'm trying to make a plan for me reading. Mostly I choose my books based on whats interesting to me, and whats available at the local library. Right now I'm getting the urge to focus on one topic. Not sure what it is yet. 

My boss is a chaos junkie. He is a very wise man. Very hard working. Is great with people. And he doesn't think twice about throwing a wrench into the plan. It can be very frustrating at times. 

I see that part of my job now is to draw these impulses out of him as far in advance as possible, collect them all into one document, polish them up, and make it look to the team like we know what we are doing; not just suddenly shifting from left to right.

1. My brother is basically over COVID. He is more tired than he used to be, but is back to work.

2. We are settling into January. The holidays are over. Work has started in full force again. Back into the groove. Saturday, we took a long walk with the brother-in-law along the water front. It was good to get out of the house.

The brother-in-law is struggling. He is working hard to recover from his last alcoholic meltdown. The circumstances don't help. 

3. The husbands birthday is coming up. He always says he doesn't want something special. He is always greatly appreciative of something special. 

My brother and his wife have covid. For a week now they've had bad cold symptoms plus joint and muscle pain. He says they have had a few shitty days, but are starting to improve.

1. We spent the past few days resting. The husband is still blue from the death of his father. As it should be. He is finding strength in his AA meetings.

2. I have a frozen shoulder. "What is a frozen shoulder?" you ask. I injured my shoulder sometime back in the fall. Probably slept on it wrong. Rather than stretching it and moving it regularly, I just let it rest. As a result, the injured tendons became weak, scarred and tough. I lost my range of motion. 

Of course I didn't know that. I was just resting my shoulder, thinking it would heal. I went to the doctor yesterday to figure out what was going on. He quickly diagnosed it (It's a common injury) and prescribed physiotherapy.

Lesson to myself-- don't kick my health problems down the road. Understand them and make a plan.