I'm home. It was a great trip. A long trip too. I'm going to shower and hit the sack. I'll fill in the trip details later.

I can hear that Cor has someone in his room. I wonder if he's new or if he's the nice guy that Cor met a few weeks ago.

Today was a long Party day. I spent Saturday night in Portland. I drove up to Seattle and had a late lunch with Bruce and C3. Afterwards I went to the Seattle Gay Pride Party at the Cuff. I ran into Mathew and George and spent most of the evening with them. For a while it was pouring rain. The three of us drove to George's place, dried our cloths, and then drove back. It was a good idea-- there were a lot of cold, damp people at the party.

Weird. This is the first time in over two weeks that I've seen rain. I guess Seattle is welcoming me back from L.A. I was worried that my lawn would be all brown and dead.

Cor went to Portland last weekend. He said met a nice guy there. This weekend the nice guy is comming to Seattle to visit Cor. The guy must be special-- Cor never dates the same man two weeks in a row.

I leave for L.A. tonight. I'm driving down the coast so I won't get there till Friday or Saturday.

I had beer at the Cuff tonight. I had a weird conversation with C6. About a year ago, C6 got out of a five year relationship. It was a bad breakup involving restraing orders, recriminiations and gossip. Over the past few months, C6 has been flirting with me-- hinting that he'd like to go out sometime, but never following through with it. I haven't put to much effort into it because he is still on the rebound.

Tonight C6 told me that every time he sees me, he thinks I'm really woofy. He wants to go out sometime, but he's afraid he's not ready for it. That's kind of hard for me to digest.

When I left, C6 said "Call me!" I said, "No, you call me." He nodded his head. I think he understood what I ment. Chasing a guy who isn't ready to date you is like banging your head against the wall. It only feels good when you stop.

We'll See. I'm on vacation for two weeks starting Tueday. I'm driving down the coast to L.A., and meeting my friend Andy there.

John, don't you live in L.A.? Maybe we should have coffee? I'm not sure about that. In some ways, I think that John (And Tommy and Snub) propably know more about me than my best friends do. In other ways, they don't know the conversational, real me. I much more level headed and conservative in real life. Plus, I won't want to talk about me. That's kind of dull.

Saturday evening I went camping with C2 at Camp TRC, a gay campground by Bender Creek. It was fun. Steven and his new boyfriend were there.

Some of the semi-permanant camp sites are very elaborate. Almost cottages-- except for the fact that you could dismantle them in an afternoon. They've also done a lot of landscaping.

I think I need a bigger tent. Right now I have a small two man tent. It is fine for sleeping in. But, you can't stand up in it.

Over this past week I sent Harry an email, and left a message on his answering machine. He hasn't wrote or called back.

Bitterness. Although, I'm not too supprised. He might find me attractive, but I don't think I excite him.

Bleah. It's 2am. I just got off the phone/internet for a work emergency. It was a dull problem, but it involved people from all over the place..One of the guys I was working with wrote "I'm sitting here in Issaquah, MCS is on site in San Ramon, the servers are in London."

Thanks for the complement John. I try to keep my writing as simple as possible.

Played hockey last night. We lost 5-1. We are now 0 wins, 4 losses and 1 tie. Our team is starting to come unglued-- infighting, badmouthing. At a hockey clinic on Tuesday, two of our players had a fist fight with each other. On Wednesday, after one of our players got a penalty, another player decided to bitch him out.

All I can do is grin and bear it.

The weather in Seattle has been warm and Sunny. Weeks like this make it worth putting up with all the rain we get in the fall winter and spring.

At work, the 'eHome' team has moved in next to my team. eHome is trying to intergate computers into the home. All of the eHome offices are set up as little living rooms with comfy chairs and cool gizmos. Maybe I'll move to eHome.

Ordinary day today. Mathew and I had dinner at Racka. He went out drinking last weekend and made a big fool of himself. He started telling people off and being very mean. I never really pictured Mathew as one of the guys who keeps it all bottled in and only expreses him self when he gets drunk.

Mathew's ex's new boyfriend keeps a website It's very complete. It's got a webcam, pics, journal, a calendar and news letter-- the whole nine yards. The new boyfriend is not a shy man. At least I change the names to protect privacy.

Afterwards I went to the Cuff. Officer Rob, and C6 where there. It's been a long time since I've seen them. They both though I was either in love, or dead. We chatted a while. It looks like Officer Rob is dating someone. Good for him.

All of a sudden I lived in Seattle for five years...

I just got my five year service award. A whole buch of us got our awards at the same time. I come from a buy out-- I used to work for a small company in Toronto, Ontario. Five years ago we were bought out. They moved us to Seattle. So today, half a dozen of us got our "Five Year Clocks"

I think I'll take the rest of the afternoon off.

Cor had a busy weekend as well. Friday night he met a guy. Saturday afternoon he left for a date with the guy. He didn't come home till Sunday morning.

Cor and I hung around together Sunday afternoon. It was a bright and Sunny day. We walked along the Kirland waterfront, took a nap on a beach and had drinks at the Beach Cafe.

We drove home around 5pm, had a few more drinks and invited Bruce and C3 over for dinner. The four of us chatted, drank, ate and had a good time.

Cor grilled me on why I wasn't interested in dating him. That's a hard question to answer. It all comes down to chemistry but when you say that it sounds like your pleading the 5th. Right now, even if I was interested in dating Cor, I wouldn't. He goes through too many guys. I don't think my heart could take that.

He also asked me about Harry. He was supprised when I said that Harry and I didn't have sex on Saturday night. He's predicting Harry will break my heart. I don't care.

Tonight, Harry and I had dinner tongether. It was good.

After dinner we played pool at a near by bar. Two older women joined us chatted us up. We played a couple of games of pool with the women, but left before things got awkward.

Harry and I kissed a bit before we parted. He said he had fun and would like to see me again. He also said he wanted to take things slow. I'm happy with that.

I talked to C2 about Harry. He wrote "...don’t trash him. A migraine can be pretty severe, especially if you don’t know how to spell it. But it’s not something to let slide either. When he calls later and reschedules and you agree to meet, perhaps mention that if he can’t make it, you’d appreciate a phone call if possible, and then drop it. If he’s a smart guy (which Harry is) he’ll pick up on the clue." I guess that's good advice.

Harry called around 7pm. He still sounds sick. He mentioned that we could get together tomorrow night. I said we should talk on Saturday and see how he feels. He also apologized a lot.

I forgive him.

I had dinner with Cor, C2, Matthew and George. It was a fun dinner. Lots of good conversation. C2 drove me home. One way home he told me a story about how it was all right to expose a vulrable side to someone I care for; that if I wanted a relationship to work I would have to do so. If I didn't it would mean I wasn't getting close to the man. C2 is wise in many ways. I think he knows how I feel about Harry and how I've been burned in the past.

I wonder what C2's story is. There are many years to his life that he doesn't talk about.

I just got this from Harry. Do I trash him, or do I let it slide?

From: "Harry....
To: "Barry...
Sent: Friday, June 07, 2002 1:40 PM
Subject: Re: Thursday Night Pizza

> Hey Barry. I am sorry, I missed pizza, I have been
> down with a migarane the last 2 days. I have shut off
> my phones and tried to stay in the dark and quiet.. I
> will call you later.. Harry

Well, Harry stood me up for dinner tonight. I wonder what his excuse will be? I wonder how long before I get to hear it? Days? Months? I I wish I could control my feelings. I develop a crush on one man in the past two years, and he's a jerk.

Speaking of being a jerk. R called and is spending tonight in Seattle. He wants to get together. I need to tell him that we should just be friends.

John, what does "Does this mean you find yourself to be a monster?" mean? Is it a joke about me being hairy? Is it a serious question?

C2 and I went and saw Insomnia with the movie bears. A fairly good movie. Worth the $5.00 discount ticket that I paid for it.

After the movie we went to the Cuff. On the way there, C2 felt me out about Church and religion...

"Have you ever gone to Church?" C2 Asked.
"Not since '93" I replied.
"Do you ever go to Church now?
"No."
"Do you ever want to go?"
"No."
"Do you ever think about going?"
"No."
"Not even to the gay friendly Chuches?"
"No."

That ended that discussion. I know that C2 goes every Sunday.

At the Cuff we ran into Mathew who also went to the moviel. We chatted for a while and drank more beer than we should have-- pitchers were less than 2 beers. It was the first time Mathew has been to a movie bears event. He said he didn't like the movie. He qualified that by saying he's from Alaska and doesn't have good memories of the place-- Insomnia is set in Alaska.

I worked late last night-- till about 10pm. I was working on a hard problem that just wouldn't give.

At home I talked to Cor for a while. He mentioned that me and his trick looked a lot a like. We were both blond, blue eyed, beard and hairy. I kind of laughed at that. We also talked about work and Seattle. He's not adjusting well to Seattle. It's too cool and not sunny enough. My gut says he'll move back to Miami within the next six months.

Harry left a message so I called him. He asked me out to dinner this Thursday!. I have to act cool. I think Harry would rather chase than be chased.

Harry and I also talked about roommates. He said he never had house against rules about bringing home tricks. He never had too--his roommates were either shy, or couldn't get a date if their life depended on it.

This morning when I went to work, I started on my hard problem again. This time, in about 5 minutes, I found a solution.

Having a room mate is going to be interesting. Cor moved in on Friday. This is the first time I've lived with someone since since 96.

When Cor and I discussed the rules of the house I said it was ok to bring guys over. It makes sense. We are both healthy single men. Eventually we are both going to meet someone and want privacy. Also, I figured Cor was fairly conservative-- when Cor and I slept together (Last March) we didn't have sex. He said "No sex till we love each other."

Well, tonight Cor walked in with a very trashy, trampy looking guy. I don't think Cor knew the guys name because the guy had to introduce himself to me. It was kind of a weird, awkward and funny moment. Fortunatly R called, so I had an excuse to leave-- to have dinner with R.

I should give Cor the benifit of the doubt. Maybe they've been seeing each other for a while. I'm laughing at Cor in my head. "Cor. You're a good looking man. Why do you want to sleep with that!" Is judging someone behind their back worse than talking about someone behind there back?

I can hear them talking and gigling in Cor's bedroom. Part of me wants to put my ear up the the door. I won't. I'll respect his privacy.

The good thing about having a journal is that I can bitch and laugh and vent and get it all out of my system. It lets me be much less gossipy in real life.

I had a good fun weekend with R. R is a nice guy who lives about 5 hours south of Seattle, on the coast. some mutual friends have been trying to hook us up. R and I have been exchanging email for awhile, so we decided to spend this weekend together. R is a sweat man. But, I think we should just be friends. Especially considering we live 5 hours apart.

I drove down to Portland Thursday evening and met R there. We spend the night together. Next morning we had breakfast with one of our mutual friends, J.

That afternoon, we drove to Lincoln city. We stayed at the Spanish Inn. It's got a great view of the ocean. We took a long walk on the beach. It was bright sunny, windy and cold. Those are problems with the ocean beaches in the Pacific North West-- too cold, always windy.

Later on we saw a boxing match. R had tickets to an ESPN Friday Night Fight. It was fun. I'm supprised how much I liked live boxing. We saw some good fights. No one left the ring looking pretty.

Afterwards we gambled for a while (The match was in a Casino) A lot of people there know R. Mostly the staff. It turns out that R's older brother is the Casino manager.

Next morning, we went surfing! It was fun, but very tiring. The surfing part of surfing is easy. Paddling out to the waves is hard. The waves beat you around and tire you out.

Later on R & I drove back to Portland to watch the Starlight Parade. It started at 9pm. At 10:30, we looked at the parade program and saw that the parade was only one third over. Bleah. I hate long slow parades. So does R. We left and spent the night at C&J's

Next morning, C, R & I had breakfast and then took a hike around a park. Early in the afternoon, I left for home.

R & I are supposed to have dinner together tonight. He has buisness in Seattle on Monday.