My sister in law is recovering. It will be a few days before we know how well. She has a fever and a UTI that are now under control. Sensation has returned to the parts of her body that were previously numb.
My brother is very frustrated and angry at the medical system around him. I’m not sure how to read this. Anger and frustration have always been his main tools for dealing with disagreement. He has not learnt the arts of navigating and negotiating in complex situations. My sister in law may be getting the care she needs. Or she may be in a system that is overtaxed.
I shut up about my situation. My husband and I are being spoiled in Banff. We listen to my brother vent and try to help him understand the process that’s going on around them. They may both be expecting rapid recovery, though the reality is that recovery will take weeks. It’s not easy to coach patience when she spends every waking minute in pain.
My middle brother’s wife has had a turn for the worse. She had a surgery to remove a cyst that was along her spine. A day after she was discharged from the hospital, she started to regress. They ended up life-flighting her back to the hospital. An MRI revealed a blood clot and pressure buildup in her spine. She had an emergency surgery overnight and is now recovering.
Work was uneventful this week.
Even though we are retiring in a month, this morning we are off for a week of vacation in Banff. The trip was planned before we decided to retire.
This trip is a work award for my husband— he won President’s club. We will need to dress up nicely for the various events with his colleagues and executives and packed extensively as a result.
I wonder how our wardrobe will change after we retire. My husband spent hundreds on a new suit for this trip. Will it lie unused after this next week? Alternatively, will I need to up my game and dress more crisply? Many folks in my family dress very cheaply. You may even think they were homeless. My husband has stressed that I can’t go down that path.
Happy Memorial Day.
Lunch with my old coworker went well. He thanked me for reaching out and lamented that he and his wife are both nerdy introverts, so they don’t have many social opportunities.
He enjoys being retired. He has to put more effort into finding something meaningful and challenging, but that’s not a bad problem.
After lunch my husband and I drove down to C3 and QJ for an afternoon bbq with the AA crowd. I enjoyed. Too many sweets.
Tommy wrote...
Your Mother-in-Law, from your description, was a Free Spirit and was directed by her own feelings and desires. Hopefully, her sons share that Spirit of Personal adventure.
My Mother-in-Law was a free spirit. It imparted very different lessons on her sons. While, they do both have a healthy spirit of personal adventure, they also have a craving for the stability and family that they never experienced as a child. By and large, they are much more balanced.
This memorial weekend is going well. The weather is cooler and cloudier. Saturday, we went on a long walk along our local beaches.
Sunday, I am having lunch with an old coworker who is "exploring retirement." We both left the big-tech-company the year before COVID. Then a few months back he was laid off. This story is not uncommon.
My mother-in-law's celebration-of-life is in a couple of weeks. My husband and his brother are busy planning. There are a surprising amount of logistics.
She had multiple ex lovers and husbands. At one point her sons started a serious discussion on which of the ex's should have their picture displayed at the celebration. My brother-in-law cracked that he wanted all the exs to be displayed in chronological order. They broke out laughing as they struggled to name them.
My actual birthday was uneventful. The weather was pleaseant.
My husband was away in Alaska for work. This was his last work trip before retirement.
My friend C2 traveled over for a dinner. We ate at a nice local fish-and-chips restaurant. Afterwards we walked along the beach, chatted and let the dog paw at all the smelly things in the sand.
The weather has been perfect lately. Pleasant during the day. Cool sleeping weather at night. Wonderful sunsets for just to enjoy should we walk along the beach in the evening.
It sounds like the executives are about to make an offer for my replacement. I've interviewed him. He's a good guy. I'm staying out of the final decision which is fine as I don't have to live with the consequences.
The org seems to be past the shock of all the departures. There is still some anxiety, but no one is asking "Am I next?" Hiring my replacement will help.
An old friend is staying at our place for a few days. He was one of my first roommates in University.
It's good to catch up with him. We've been reminiscing and texting our old roommates. Were we as messy as we recall? Were we as impulsive with our major life decisions as it now seems?
My friend and I both started in STEM programs. Over time my friend became disillusioned with life in the corporate world. He became an activist. He first started volunteering for and later creating charities in Central and South America. He now leads a large NGO in Nicaragua. I've always admired his morals and ethics. But why Nicaragua? Even he doesn't have a great answer for that. He saw a need. He had the skills and time. So he made the choice.
The weather has become pleasant in Seattle. The soil is now warm enough to plant the dahlia tubers that we acquired a few weeks ago.
On social media there is "Free stuff" group for our neighborhood. About a month ago we asked if anyone had extra dahlia tubers. Within a couple days we received a garbage bag full of them. A pleasant surprise. They still need to be inspected and trimmed, but I'm looking forward to growing them, What type of dahlia are they?
My mother-in-law's celebration of life is in about a month. Prior to his trouble with the law, our friend and his husband planned to attend. We are wondering if they will follow through. My husband and I have discussed with with various AIs ("Act as if your are Miss Manors..." "Act as if you are Dear Abby...") they agree... We should un-invite our friend. Be kind but firm. Our priority is to the mourners and to minimize drama.
I think (I hope) our friend's trouble is limited to the state level.
My husband has gone down a social media rabbit hole. The video of the sting has 75K views. There are many videos of other stings in that channel. The channel owner appears to be working with the police.
I am more detached. Our friend has made bad choices and now has poor options. Like other situations where I’ve observed addictive behavior, I struggle to understand why he went down that path. Don't do stupid things. Why is that so hard to learn?
That's easy for me to say. My life is littered with the debris of stupid choices.
A friend of ours has got himself into much trouble. The police sting was posted on social media. He was named and shamed. If the case is as clear as it's been presented, then he could go to jail for a while.
My husband is frustrated and angry at this friend. Rightfully so. He ran a family business. Many people, including other family members, depend on him for their jobs. Our friend could also be very impulsive and has a long history of drug fueled meltdowns.
We are close to the friend's husband and some of the extended family. We've reached out to them to offer whatever help we can.
Social weekend. My husband remarked that we had too much scheduled and not enough downtime. It was warm and sunny over the weekend and our different friends wanted to meet up before the gray and rain returns.
Retirement from work is proceeding. I've started screening resumes for my replacement. Interviews start next week.
My husband asked if I was worried about having something purposeful to do after we retired. I quickly said no. Maybe I am a little worried about meaning and purpose. I won't be bored however. I have a craving to shut my cell phone off and disconnect for days. While that's not meaning or purpose, it's a sign that I am too over connected. Work always has something to review, approve, or check in on.
Why stay? In June, I will receive a healthy amount of deferred compensation. So I will stick to my plan of leaving by end of June.
The weather has been wonderful this weekend. We’ve been catching up with friends.
We had brunch with Huff and C2. C2 has opened an investment account for baby H. C2 wanted to get together to go over the instructions on how to deposit, check in on the account, as well as the limitations on withdrawals. We are hoping that in 20 years this account will be enough to fund her college education or a down payment on a home.
The week has become more chaotic. I told an associate "I'm past concern. This is all hilarious."
The story so far... in March I told my new and old manager that I'm retiring at the end of June.
Last week, my peer director accepted a job elsewhere and is leaving at the end of this week.
Wednesday morning, my former boss (AS) was let go.
Our vice president (TA) is leaving at the end of this week. Rumor is that he was asked to leave.
I still care about the team, our technology and our business. I want to project some stability. I don't want to unintentionally encourage everyone to abandon ship. When I was talking to an associate about this conundrum, he responded that all the rats are scurrying off the ship. How could they conclude anything else?
This past weekend we attended the North Coast Roundup, an AA conference in Seaside. We rented a house with a few friends. Overall it was a good weekend.
Our friend QJ caught us up on his life. He's been off work with back pain and has had a series of surgeries to address the issue. He is better now and will soon return to work. We asked QJ what caused the injury. He told us that he played much football in high school and college. That was hard on his body. Over the years he's had sixteen surgeries to repair the consequences.
The weather on the coast was wonderful, especially for April. Outside of the conference, we did much hiking and walking.
The conference has a mix of AA and Al-Anon speakers. I enjoy the Al-Anon speakers. Less so, the AA. The thought of heavy daily drinking makes my stomach churn, so I struggle to understand what drives someone to do so. I do not have that addiction.
While I have no problems staying sober, many of my friends are in AA. There is something there for me to continue to explore.
At work, my peer director is also leaving. Her last day is the end of next week. Our mutual boss has also not been talking to her. Part of me wants to negotiate hard to have them pay me to stay an extra year. The other part of me, the more thoughtful part, thinks this is confirmation that it's time to leave.
My husband is recovering well. He gets tired easily and has some pain, but nothing unexpected.
This past weekend was Seattle's first nice spring weather. We spent much of Saturday cleaning up our decks and yard-- washing off the algae, pollen and mildew, blowing leaves, replanting some pots.
Sunday we hosted a large easter brunch. It went well, plenty of good food. Most of the attendees were from AA. My husband has done a great job fostering his friends there .
Work... work is interesting. Since the reorg (a month ago?) the our boss has not talked to me or my peers at all. He remains fully engaged with his old org. My peers are not sure how to take this. Since I'm retiring, I shrug my shoulders and am just carrying on.
I don't know that my boss is following up on my retirement. He acknowledged that I'm retiring when I initially told him, so he knows that I'm retiring. But then... silence.
Even if I wasn't retiring, I would feel it was time to leave the company.
Next topic-- I've been mulling over the following for a while. Originally I wasn't going to write about it. But it's sticking with me, so I will blog it out.
Yesterday my husband had liposuction and a tummy tuck. I'm surprised by my feelings around this. For years, my husband has worked hard to successfully get his weight (and stomach) into control. This last part of getting rid of the flappy skin was important to him. I've never found him unattractive through this.
I've discovered I have a slight aversion to cosmetic surgery. There are so many things one could do with the money instead. Plus the changes are superficial-- one still must have proper exercise and diet afterwards.
I'm trying to set that aside and to cheerfully support him through his recovery. It was important to him. He had the money.
He is doing well
My question would be, "What is the alternative to the start-up?" And would it be as fuffilling?
The alternative to the startup is to retire-- travel, family, personal projects, volunteering, camping, hiking bicycling, reading.
The startup is interesting in that it uses the part of my brain that I have developed over years through my career. And there are parts of that job that I enjoy.
I have a new option ahead. Saturday evening we had dinner with my old boss. He is building a startup company and quizzed me on my interest.
He knows how to make startups happen as he has built and sold them before. He also has some interested from venture capital and is talking to a few people who I respect.
We had a good discussion. No promises. Just mutual interest.
The next morning my husband and I had a conversation on this. Me potentially doing a startup would be a big impact on our retirement. My interest is a little unsettling.
Sunday we hosted a retirement party for my husband's friend and AA sponsor. After she retires, she is leaving Seattle and moving back to the midwest to be with her family. My husband will miss her. She was a good person.
how did she leave the country? roderick
That was a logistical adventure in and of itself.
Internet connectivity was crappy while she and my brother were planning. Sometimes they could only exchange a couple text messages at random times during the day. As a result much of the planning had to be done on faith. My brother had to buy airline tickets and not learn for a day if she received the itinerary.
Weeks ahead of her departure, she bought and set aside the gasoline that she needed to get from their house to the airport.
My brother found a small regional flight from Cuba to Cancun. Once she was in Cancun, she took a regular flight to home.
My Sister-in-law is back from Cuba. My brother has this to say...
...She made it back. She seems to have both a sinus infection and an allergy issue right now she’s itchy all over and she’s on penicillin and an anti allergic or antihistamine type medication.
When she got home pretty much the first thing she did was shower and clean up. She doesn’t believe she fell asleep in the last 34 hours before arriving home. And she seems to be only waking up for her alarm to take her medicationBut yes, it’s good to have her back. And I’m glad there was no major issues on the flights back
This is a bittersweet moment from them. Her father has late stage 4 cancer. We don't know how much longer he'll live or if she can travel back to Cuba when he passes away.
I have submitted my retirement notice. The suggested an end date is June 30th, though I'm willing to work with them to hire and mentor my replacement.
I've been mulling retirement over for a while. Late last week I was asked to put together my org's long term compensation budget (Compensation paid out over the next two years) By announcing my retirement now my boss can allocate my future long term compensation to other people-- give them a little raise so that maybe they are more inclined to stay around after my departure.
When I met my boss this morning to discuss the budget, I informed him of my decision. He sighed. He quizzed me a bit. We talked a little about the budget. Mostly we discussed my future plans and what changed that I decided to pull the trigger.
We have learned that the Washington State Ferry System offers memorial services. For a fee and with a little planning, they will pause the ferry, let you scatter the ashes and then sound the ferry's whistle to honor the occasion.
What a fantastic way to scatter my mother-in-law's ashes.
In Seattle, March is in like a lamb with two pleasant sunny days in a row.
We had the neighbears (Too cute?) over for dinner last night. It was good to catch up with them. They are getting married soon and we talked through their last minute challenges.
One of them has taken a new job at a non-profit. It's a pay cut, but he is much more interested in the work. When we were talking about his frustrations with his old company I recognized many of his words and phrases as the same used by my executives. I wonder if this is all a McKinsey and Company management package being sold to many tech companies--
Hey little tech executive-- did you over-hire during COVID? Have your sales plateaued? Have I got a business plan for you! Just repeat these phrases--"High Performance Culture." and "Efficiencies from AI"-- over and over. With that, you can stealth layoff without drawing attention to the fact that you are actually struggling.
As cynical as it is, it's hard for me to actually feel sorry for most of my compatriots in the tech industry. We are paid fantastic salaries and given enormous freedoms. The companies we work for have the right to demand high standards and that we constantly improve ourselves. At some level, we tecb-bros want to be well compensated working at easy jobs that make billionaires a tiny bit richer. If that is not acceptable, then leave.
We are down to the last few things. My mother-in-law had a mobility scooter that is surprisingly hard to sell. Only obvious scammers are make inquiries. I suspect this is because Medicare can pay for new scooters so the used market is small.
What does one do with an unneeded mobility scooter? We've asked her Senior Living center if they want it. They declined. 'Former' tenants regularly leave similar things behind.
We've are also leaving messages at various charities.
My day job is going OK. I'm not 100% engaged. I do ensure that nothing blows up. The executives have not yet announced the new reorganization. They've been debating it for a month now. Everyone is wondering the cause of the hangup.
I talk regularly with two VPs. One says he doesn't know the cause of the hangup. The other says the reorg changes three times a day. He can't say anything useful, so he must communicate nothing.
My plan is to tell them about my retirement in mid march. I still intend to retire by July.
We have been doing work. Getting the next job done.
My mother-in-law's apartment is almost empty and ready to return to the senior living center. My husband is exhausted. Since she passed, he's had insomnia has been waking up at 3:30am. Sunday, he had a good afternoon nap. I'm hoping he can soon get back to his regular schedule.
His mother’s passing has given him opportunity to catch up with his extended family, cousins and step siblings. Retelling old stories good and bad.
“What to expect next on my decline.“
We found a recent letter from my mother-in-law’s doctor. My mother-in-law wrote the above in its margins.
The letter listed her conditions…
Her emphysema was evolving. Part of her lung had collapsed. Her breathing was getting worse. (She had COPD for years and was on oxygen)
She had a new slow growing cancer.
The fluid around her heart was going down. The doctor emphasized that this was good news.
She had early stage liver cirrhosis.
News from my brother on his wife who is in Cuba caring for her father who has cancer…
Yesterday, somewhere in Havana, She was walking with her father when they came across a relief effort run by Canadians and Americans. Many of them were doctors from various organizations.My mother-in-law was an interesting character. Her sons have been reflecting on her life. She was smart and planned ahead. She could be charming and loved being popular. She was stubborn, feisty and full of life.
I’ve added and deleted the following half a dozen times. It’s not flattering. Yet it’s there..
There was a wild trip to Mexico where everyone, kids included, got drunk on margaritas.
Shortly after that trip, their step-father found work in Texas and moved the family there. After the move, the stepfather said he had to finish a job in California and would rejoin in a few weeks. Instead he abandoned them. He never moved to Texas. He left the family in Texas to fend for themselves.
I can only imagine her heartbreak and anger.
She once danced a man to death. One evening in Texas she went out dancing. She loved to dance. At some point in the evening her dance partner collapsed on her from a heart attack. He passed away.
My husband shared a story from when he was 16. Their apartment lease was running out. For whatever reason, the job fell to him to find the family a new apartment. He found the apartment. He signed the lease and wrote the deposit check with his mother’s signature. He arranged the move.
My husband’s friends from childhood deeply reflect his need for stability. More than once her sons have commented on the difference between her private and public personalities. Things were always easier with their mother when others were around. This, in part, is one of the reasons they both love hosting large gatherings especially around the holidays.
In 1990 she moved to Italy to be with someone she met on the Internet. 1990! When that ended, a friend flew her back and helped her get back on her feet.
At the Senior Living Center, the gathering for my mother-in-law was lovely. Maybe thirty people showed up. She had many friends. We shared stories. Every one knew she was opinionated, feisty and onery and they loved that about her. She would fight for you if you were struggling and offer her opinions if you weren’t. She always dressed well. She had high standards. She made their lives more interesting. She will be missed.
My mother-in-law had planned well. In previous years she gifted away most of her sentimentals and valuables. This has simplified cleaning out her apartment. We don’t agonize over who gets what or what must be saved. Aside from a bit of furniture and her bar, everything can be donated or thrown away. While her sons pack, I haul things to a garbage bin or a local donation center.
Her bar and alcohol— Sunday, the senior center where she lived will host a small gathering to honor her. We will bring the alcohol and let the residents take it away with them.
Of course death happens regularly at her Senior Center— it has hundreds of residents in their elder years. That small gathering to honor my mother-in-law… it’s a standing weekly event.
More than once while hauling stuff away, someone has asked “Moving in or out?”
“Moving out.” I answer vaguely.
“Awww. That’s too bad. Who was it?”
Yesterday the police officer processing my mother-in-laws death said “This was a nice death. This was about as good at it gets. No signs of suffering. She was well cared for.”
My mother-in-law had a large well stocked bar. The officer and I looked at it and had a good laugh. She was prepared to host many large cocktail parties. So much liquor in many fancy decanters.
Maybe it was an art project. Maybe she liked the look.
My brother-in-law spent the night over. My husband and he are both extra-early risers. By the time I woke up, they were chatting, reaching out to friends and family and going through the estate.
I think this will be an easy process. My mother-in-law had prepared for this. The paperwork and passwords were easy to find. My husband and his brother had been listed on her accounts.
When it rains it pours.
My mother-in-law passed away this morning.
I was in a work call when I heard a very pained cry from my husband. I excused myself from the call, ran to him and heard the news.
We drove to her place. The paramedics were still there when we arrived. She had been struggling in the morning and called 911. She had stopped breathing by the time the paramedics arrived.
My husband was able to spend Thursday with her. He took her to lunch and later to a medical appointment. He wishes he could have spent more time with her, but is happy the way their day went.
We are at her place now. We are waiting for the paramedics and police to finish the paperwork.
My husband and his brother have access to her cell and are triangulating her last hours through the text messages. They have also started the unenviable job of collecting and processing her paperwork.
We are not sure how well my Cuban Sister-In-Law is doing. Internet is very unreliable in Cuba. My brother is lucky if they exchange a few short text messages a day. He wants his wife to return to Canada. We don't know if that is even possible.
My Sister-in-law's father has late, stage-four cancer. Would she return even if she had the chance?
My brother knows that they have life-straws-- portable bio-filters for water. They also have been stocking up on food.
I reach out regularly to talk to my brother. His family situation is very heavy. A few weeks ago his wife, who is Cuban, flew to Cuba for a family emergency. She is now effectively trapped there until Cuban/US relations change.
Now they are down to one income and he is struggling to pay the bills.
My brother is kicking his financial problems down the road. He apologized for asking me for money, yet he's not doing anything about that situation. I offered to pay for a good financial counseling or debt reduction program. He didn't seam interested.
My husband and I are in Park City for a few days of snow sports. It's quiet this year. There isn't much snow so there aren't many tourists. We are really enjoying ourselves. Fewer tourists makes it easy for us to get around, go to restaurants or ski on the few hills that are open.
My little brother reached out. He said he was ashamed and afraid to do this and then asked me to loan him $40,000.00. Due to a series of emergencies, he is way behind on his credit cards and is struggling to make ends meet.
I said a polite 'No.' I didn't feel guilty or awkward doing so. I may have said yes if he had asked for $1000. It was easy to refuse $40,000.
This is the fourth time that I know of that he's needed a large bailout. More than money, he needs some sort of impulse control, or discipline.
The next night my husband and I spent an hour talking with him, trying to understand what's going on. His reasons are many and varied. Sometimes it was willful ignorance. Sometimes he wanted to be the hero and help someone out. Sometimes it was plain old stupidity.
My husband suggested that there may be a little mental illness behind this. Such carelessness spanning so many years speaks to deeper problems.
I'm thinking back to my post on how to deal with those politically radicalized. The same lessons apply though it's difficult for me in this situation. Build the relationship. Listen. Don't rush to fix or advise. My husband is great here-- speaking with empathy to those who have made the same irrational choices again, and again. Don't correct. Don't lecture. Don't shame. The rooms of AA have taught him well.
I will call my brother regularly and be a friend.
I had dinner with Clem and Bates last night. It's always good to catch up with them. They are excited about our plans to retire and had a few suggestions for things to do, and places to go.
Their friend R joined us. I've known R for years through these dinners at Clem and Bates.
R is in his early 70s. He has stage 4 cancer that's being kept in check by drugs. R is certainly cheerful, though the cancer is often on his mind. He spent a lot of time talking to my husband, who just happens to be an expert in R's type of cancer.
More confirmation that leaving work is the right thing to do.
And the Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl. Congratulations. It was a good game, very close until the end.
A friend and I watched the game at a local bar. When the Hawks won there was great buzz, a great positive energy in the room. On the way home, the streets were full of people hooting and high-fiveing each other with more than a few fireworks going off in the neighborhood.
No forewarning of this decision with the rationale for it. No mention of the future plans - early retirement? IDK. Roderick
I’d loose you if I wrote down all the waffling and counter planning and agonizing and flip flopping.
We’ve been mulling over retirement for years, making supporting decisions along the way. A year and a half ago we bought a house without a mortgage in a neighborhood that’s more social, though it had a more inconvenient commute to work.
Financially, for about the past year, we knew we could afford to retire.
Even then much fear, uncertainty and doubt kept us from pulling the trigger. I am at my peak earning years in an industry that does not appreciate older employees. The decision would be one way. If we made any mistakes, we’d have to pay out of our pockets.
The politics of the current administration don't help either.
There has also been poking and prodding in the direction of retirement.
My family, many of whom are proud of being frugal (cheap?) like to show off how little they need to live happily. Last summer, an uncle asked point blank “When are you retiring? Your body isn’t getting any younger.” He pointed out how other relatives kept busy through travel, engaging in local politics or other jobs.
Another friend who retired years ago from the corporate life reminded us that our companies have kept us on a hedonic treadmill of bonuses, promotions and achievements. It’s addictive, but there is life afterwards. We could enjoy life without a career:
My husband and I discussed many variations of retirement. Perhaps he could retire before me, just in case something went wrong and we needed the money or insurance. We tried a few trips where he vacationed, while I worked. He didn’t enjoy that. He wanted me to be free to join him.
December— My friend Evan, who is my age, had an emergency surgery to remove an aneurysm. It reminding me to not take my time or health for granted.
Most recently, there is so much chaos at work that I’ve lost energy and interest. I'd look for another job even if retirement weren't an option.
And so, we pulled the trigger.
The plans are still open. We are going to travel a bit with my father. I want to spent more time exercising and enjoying the great out doors. After that, things are vague which I'm looking forward to. Because of my job, I've had a cell phone within arms reach, almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for over a decade. I want to unplug for a while, not have an stuffed calendar where I have to collaborate with those in timezones all over the world.
Big reorg today at work. The executives who know me are now gone. So, I am more satisfied with my decision to leave.
In late March I intend to inform the company about my departure. March is when our compensation budget closes and I don't want to allow compensation shenanigans by announcing early.
I will leave by the end of June. That will give them a few months to find my replacement.
Social weekend. FL is in town for the week for work and is staying at our place.
A number of our friends have January birthdays. Saturday we got a large crowd together and went out to a drag brunch. It was fun.
My MIL joined us. She is slowing down a lot. A short walk that she could handle a year ago now exhausts her and she must sit down and rest.
Sunday we went on a long walk around Green Lake with one of my husband's oldest friends.
My husband and I had a good discussion on how to engage with those on the right. He doesn't agree with my more indirect approach, none the less our discussion was very deep.
My thoughts-- we all have a strong drive to help, to correct, to 'straighten out', those we disagree with. We hope to say "These are the facts... do you see how you are wrong? Now that we agree that you are wrong, you must change. " This approach never ends well. I never see someone change their opinion because of a debate. In fact, the opposite often happens. The people you debate dig in and loose trust for you.
People regularly ignore the facts. They never ignore their feelings. The Republicans have mastered the art of leading with "Your feelings are right. I will fight for your feelings, even if the fight is irrational." Meanwhile Democrats are so fact based that their positions can't get past the layers of defensive emotion. "My taxes are enormous. Why should I support illegals who don't pay their fair share. Why do you support illegals?" Any rebuttal falls on deaf ears.
My goal is to build warm and trustworthy relationships, not to correct, even though that is very very difficult.. I want to be a role model for my values. I want to let others see that I value the relationship enough to fight for them, even if the fight is a little irrational.
I’m back in Seattle—rested and ready for work.
The news lately has been incredibly frustrating. I am literally invested in the future of this country, yet my options are limited. Of course, it would be pure ego to imagine that the fate of the nation hinges on my choices. At best, I can offer gentle influence.
So what can I do? I can vote. I can encourage others to vote as well. I can maintain warm relationships with people who are still on the fence—there are more of them than we often realize. Don't argue with them. Don't try to change their minds. Just listen. A good chunk of this faction feel that Democrats are others. Invite these people in.
I will donate to blue causes in swing races. My own elected officials are thoroughly blue. My contributions should go where they can have the greatest impact.
I also have friends who volunteer for various political efforts. I’ll reach out to see what they’re working on. Sometimes their actions are as much about venting as about achieving concrete results. After all, will an ICE protest in the middle of Seattle actually change anyone’s mind? But, you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take and sitting on my laurels won't help the situation.
This is all very rational. I've been reminded recently that irrational people can else get what I want.
It’s my last evening in the Valley. My father and I went out for dinner to mark the occasion.
For many years I haven’t spent much time alone with him. Before my mother passed, her care ment she was never far from dad. There is also family. Usually someone else is around when I visit, be-it my brothers or relatives.
It was just us for most evenings this week. This was not always easy as the two of us tend to be introverted.
Dad still drives the school bus. He is thinking of quitting as he is 82 and slowing down. His eyes aren’t what they used to be. But he enjoys driving the bus. Quitting would give him more time alone. He’s not looking forward to that. He needs a purpose. He helps others when he can.
He limits his TV time, especially news. He watches two different news shows for no more than an hour a day.
He also watches Wheel Of Fortune, Family Feud and Jeopardy all at the same time. They are on different stations during the same hour. He flips between them during commercials or the quiet moments. It can be frustrating to watch along.
I like my dad. He is good people. He has chilled out alot since I was a kid. I hope to visit him for many years to come.
Roderick, blogging is not that hard. Join us!
Saturday, my husband flew back to Seattle, while I traveled back to the Ottawa Valley. I’m spending another week with my father. This summer, I hope to get him to travel out west. Travel is emotional for him. I can only l speculate what is behind this.
About ten years ago, when mom was early in her dementia, she developed many phobias around travel. So they decided to stop. Mom passed away almost two years ago. Dad is still healthy and mobile, though increasing lonely. A little trip may do him good.
