Merry Christmas

​For whatever reason, I can’t write blogger comments on my cell phone, so Tommy, Bohemian, Bathwater, Bella and everyone else..Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year’s.

We have eaten an obscene amount of chocolate and sweets over the past two days and have been spending much time catching up with relatives.

The husband is a trouper, socializing with so many of my relatives. Thank you sweetie!

The weather has been pleasant— just under freezing. The snow sticks, but it’s not too cold. We’ve taken a few lovely walks.

My brother, dad and I have also had a few good conversations about mom’s care. While it breaks dad’s heart, mom will go to assisted living when the next opportunity comes up. As dad said, this is the end of an era. This is also a healthy decision for both my parents. I respect dad for all the care he has provided. 

In the Valley

​Now in the Ottawa Valley, visiting my parents for a few days. The trip up was frustrating – our Seattle flight got canceled last minute due to weather. Wednesday evening we rebooked to fly out of Vancouver early Thursday morning, then woke up at 2:30 am to drive there.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. We spent a few hours in the evening with my parents and planned some outings with my cousins.

Dad and I found a moment to discuss Mom and the care she needs. He admitted there are days he's ready to move her to assisted living; she's on the waiting list for three such homes. I strongly support this. Mom isn't safe alone; she's unstable, making it too easy for her to fall.

Holiday season…

​We hosted a holiday gathering today, with approximately 30 to 40 guests, including people we only see once or twice a year at similar events.

During this  holiday season, we have gone to a party or dinner every night since Wednesday. With my boss visiting for a few days in the upcoming week, I expect there will be a few ore. Then, on Thursday, we are scheduled to fly out to visit my parents near Ottawa. Busy, busy, busy.

At work I’ve been in more of a contemplative mood. My boss is around this week. He has a way of thinking and speaking that is positive, forward looking, outcome oriented and empowering. He doesn’t put up with complaints or shortsightedness, especially from well paid employees. It has me think, what do I want from my career and my organization. I have enough influence that I don’t get to complain about the powers that be. But what do I want…

The rain in Seattle has been relentless, but thankfully we're not in a flood zone.

I have a coworker who bought a house a few years ago. At that time, he was surprised that the previous owner left a portable pump, sand bags, hoses and pipes in the garage. Now he understands what they are for. When the rain is heavy enough, a stream flows down the street and into his driveway. The sandbags, pump and pipes divert the water and protect his house.

Work has been especially intense lately, with some substantial last-minute deliverables that require the team to push through. Everyone is working admirably-- hard and smart. I'm proud of them.

I received two pieces of tough feedback at work that I've been reflecting on.

The first concerns an employee who has been slacking off. He's no longer keeping my boss informed and by year's end will have taken 7 weeks of vacation, not all of which is recorded in our system. I'm disappointed that I didn't catch this sooner.

The second feedback stems from a presentation I gave to our CEO several weeks ago. A colleague who now regularly briefs our CEO rewatched our presentation and shared his observations. He noting I had a tendency towards lengthy responses, which sometimes muddied the message rather than clarifying it. In retrospect, I understand my motivation. I wanted to adhere to our message and showcase our team's in-depth knowledge. However, a simple "yes" or "no" is sometimes the right answer.

We have a new room mate. He is a traveling nurse with a dog that gets along well with our dog.

I have a family matter to consider. My mother's health has been declining for months, and Dad is firm about keeping her home for as long as possible. He is against placing her in a nursing home. My brother and I had a discussion about this yesterday. He states Dad is struggling in caring for Mom and that neither he nor Dad would push back if I decided to move Mom to a nursing home.

My brother and I are considering this carefully.

Years ago, my uncles made the difficult decision to move my grandparents into nursing homes. I wish I had more information about that experience.

I will visit my parents over Christmas, and Dad and I will have a detailed discussion then.

> I'm going to Roast a Chicken Hen later this weekend and I will use your method on the Egg to roast the Old Hen...

I do recommend spatchcocking. It's a little more work upfront, but the bird will roast more quickly. 

Our guests departed earlier today, marking the end of a pleasant long weekend.

Thanksgiving celebration was attended by eight people. The spatchcocked turkey was a success. No one left the table hungry. The conversation flowed smoothly, with only one instance where my husband had to steer his mother’s discussion away from a potentially contentious topic.

Over the weekend, we took the opportunity to showcase the beauty of Seattle to our guests, while also spending quality time with my in-laws.

The husband's cousin is interesting. He's a struggling rock musician with a day job running the warehouse for an instrument manufacturer. He has played for rock bands, but since COVID has mostly released ambient albums. As he put it-- they had success in Sacramento. There the band regularly played in front of hundreds of people. When they toured they could never replicate that success-- San Francisco, Los Angeles, Seattle. In the end it was exhausting and a constant drain of money to only play to small crowds in small clubs. 

The husband’s aunt and cousin have arrived. The are spending a few days with us. They seem to be lovely people.

The cousin has spent a good amount of time investigating their family history. Throughout the evening, he shared stories. The husband greatly appreciated this. Although the husband has various bits of memorabilia from his family, he knows little about them or their history. He was able to make some connections and understand a bit more about who owned what and why.

They also discussed the chaos the Husband's mother put them through as they grew up. I think it was the first time the Husband realized that the neighbors and extended family were conserned about the chaos that he and his brothers went through. There was little an outsider could do to intervene. The husband’s mother always provided her children. They had food and shelter. She never abused them. The chaos resulted from many moves, constant drinking, a high turnover of her husbands and boyfriends and many lovers’ quarrels. It was not the best place for kids to grow up.

How will I roast my bird? Short answer-- spatchcock and roast it on a gas grill.

Longer answer. I'm really using our gas grill as an oven. I'll put an 18lbs spatchcocked turkey on a large sheet pan that's lined with lemons, carrots, rosemary and a little broth. I'll roast it at about 375F with indirect heat, baste regularly, pull it when the breast hits 165F then let it rest for twentyish minutes.

And what are your turkey day plans?

The recent layoffs, followed by the ensuing reorganization and associated chaos, have turned my work into a nonstop firehose of tasks. I despise being the manager who convenes last-minute meetings to discuss last-minute deliverables with last-minute deadlines, but here I find myself.

As many of my colleagues take this week off for vacation, I'm hoping for a moment of tranquility to catch up and ponder our current situation. We are so busy that we can't think.

Later this week, we'll be hosting a large Thanksgiving dinner. The Husband's relatives are coming in from out of town, and we've also invited friends.

My role will be to roast the turkey. I look forward tot that. There's something satisfying about roasting meat. It's not particularly challenging; it demands more patience than skill. And the outcome tastes great.

We recently had layoffs at work, mainly affecting middle management and senior employees. Fortunately, my department was not affected. Looking at the list of those laid off, I'm not entirely sure what their jobs were, so it seems like a reasonable decision.

Reflecting on it, I wouldn't mind being laid off myself. It could be a clear signal to take a break from the daily grind, focus on what's next, and possibly ease up on my career ambitions.

Reactions to the layoffs vary. In my department, most people seem quite calm about it. It reaffirms that our objectives and aspirations exceed our current capacity to achieve them.

I regularly video chat with my parents. I got them a smart display at the start of COVID, which has been a wonderful way to stay in touch, especially since my mother's strokes.
. 
The smart display sits off to the side of the living room. My parents have to navigate across the room to use it. When I call, Dad answers, then goes back to assist Mom. He patiently guides her across the room, and she eventually flops down into a chair with no coordination or control. It's a tough sight to witness. 

On Saturday, we put up Christmas decorations, at least on the inside of our house. My husband enjoys the decorations, and since we will be spending Christmas with my parents, he wanted ours to be up a few extra weeks.

Sunday, we took my husband's mother out to see a musical, "Hadestown." It's a great musical. My mother-in-law is also in decline. She is rather frail and on oxygen all the time, so getting her into and out of the theater is a logistical challenge. I don't mind doing it though, even if it does take a few extra hours for us to get there and back.

Monday, my husband flew off for work. On the way down, he wrote me a touching love text inspired by "Hadestown." It was very sweet of him.

The workweek is ending on a positive note. Two personnel issues within my organization have been successfully resolved, and the executive who was providing the most challenging feedback on our plans has decided to depart from the company.

Work has been stressful. Work has been in the news and not in a good way. Fortunately the issues don't directly impact me. The executives are stressed though and that can't help but trickle down.

The husband was frustrated and said, “I think I need therapy.” We had been shopping for a birthday card for his mother. Her birthday is on Monday. Finding the right card was challenging. It had to strike the right balance: communicating something cheerful, yet not actually committing my husband to saying something that implies he loves his mother.

This year's birthday is a little more complicated than usual. The husband's brother has invited their mother out for a celebratory dinner, yet not invited the husband. The husband feels he has been snubbed and doesn't know how to respond otherwise.

I stay out of this. There's no fixing that family relationship. I have no idea why my brother-in-law hasn't invited my husband to the birthday dinner. I'm going to support my husband, but I won't engage with their family dyanamics.

I've been back in Seattle since Sunday. Work has been extremely intense this week. I led a ninety-minute conversation about my organization's plans with our CEO and his executive team. I believe it went well. However, there's much follow-up work to be done, and another significant presentation is due tomorrow.

So much planning. So many conversations. So many details. It's a challenge to keep up with everything. I have subscribed to the paid version of ChatGPT. I'm unsure if I'll retain the subscription for an extended period. I primarily use ChatGPT for copy editing, and the free version meets that need adequately. I can quickly dictate content, and ChatGPT tidies it up effectively.

Question... I dictated "I don't know if I'll keep it for long." and you rewrote that as " I'm unsure if I'll retain the subscription for an extended period." Tell me why you did that.

Certainly. My goal during the copy-editing process is to provide clarity and possibly a more formal or polished tone, depending on the context. Here's the reasoning behind that particular change:

1. **"I don't know" to "I'm unsure"**: Both phrases convey uncertainty, but "I'm unsure" often sounds a bit more formal or deliberate in writing.

2. **"keep it" to "retain the subscription"**: To add specificity. By specifying "retain the subscription," it clearly states the action regarding the subscription, making it transparent for readers who might not have the full context of the previous sentence.

3. **"for long" to "for an extended period"**: The phrase "for an extended period" sounds slightly more formal and specific compared to "for long."

However, it's worth noting that the original statement "I don't know if I'll keep it for long" is entirely correct and clear. The changes were made with a leaning towards formality and precision. If you prefer the original tone or feel, you should certainly stick with it!

Dad recently secured a funeral package for both himself and mom. For the purchase, he invited my brother and me to accompany him. I think he wanted some support from us, however the atmosphere was more of a pleasant chat rather than a somber discussion. The funeral director made a good effort to keep the mood light.

This particular director has worked with our family before. He was familiar with the peculiarities of our family names. Notably, my father, like his brothers, lacks a middle name. These details prompted a conversation about the traditions and reasons behind naming children.

When asked, "Where were you born?", Dad's birthplace in the Netherlands steered our discussion towards the distinction between Holland and the Netherlands, as well as the history of Dutch immigration in our region.

It doesn't help that some of my relatives go by different names depending on the context. "That's Jane. But she's known as Yane when speaking with someone Dutch. And if she's conversing with someone from Friesland, she goes by Yanke."

There's a depth of family and history here that I don't feel in Seattle. Such sentiments might be rare in many places. Over dinner, one of my cousins mentioned how his wife initially felt overwhelmed upon meeting our expansive extended family. Our ties span multiple generations.

When my husband met the family, he wasn't overwhelmed; I believe he was more suprized and then charmed. He has a few cousins, an uncle, and an aunt. While they maintain contact, they're spread out across the country.

I have somewhere between forty and fifty first cousins. Whenever the Husband and I dine with one of them, we sometimes find ourselves explaining our relationship to him for clarity: which uncle, which aunt, and even which farm they're associated with. The geography helps clarify the relations as my mothers family is more to the south and my father's to the north. 

As I grow older, I appreciate the family more. I might not want to retire or be buried here, but there's something special about this place.

Mom's 80th birthday was a quiet gathering. Both my brothers came to town. We had dinner and finished with cake.

Mom is still recovering, so we asked friends to give her some space. She received a good number of calls and cards.

We're encouraging her to walk more to regain her strength. However, walking alone isn't safe for her. When we try to assist, she sometimes makes pointed remarks. Due to her dementia, she doesn't always remember her current state. She believes she's in good health and prefers sitting. Dementia keeps her unaware of her unsteady steps. 

She is happy until reality forces her to deal with her conditions. Then she becomes cranky. Her pride is wounded. Though once she is setting again, she quickly forgets her struggles. She is happy and the world is right as rain.

Mom has returned from the hospital. She's weaker than she was back in July. Taking even a few steps is hard for her now. We're hoping that if she keeps trying to walk, she'll get stronger.

This afternoon, my brothers and I hung out with our parents. My middle brother and Dad have this unique way of chatting. They spend hours discussing everything from exaggerated stories to wild theories. Their topics jump from politics, past events, to local news. Every so often, one might question the other's tale with a, "Not sure about that." But for the most part, they just listen and respond. Their kind of chat is both odd and fascinating to me.

My dad has a hate for fiat currency. Multiple times he has mentioned. "Everything went wrong when you could just print money and make some people rich and others poor.

Next week is my mother's 80th birthday. My brothers and I are all traveling to her home to celebrate. Currently, I'm in Vancouver enroute to Ottawa.

Lately, my mother has been in and out of the hospital. She's been battling a urinary tract infection, and for reasons unclear to me, she's losing blood. She requires a pint or two every few weeks. I'm unsure if my father isn't asking the doctors about it or if he's withholding information. Regardless, the medications she's been prescribed since her stroke are blood thinners, which don't help in preventing the bleeding.

One of my brothers has been sharing photos from her hospital room. She seems drowsy most of the time.

My father has opted for a smaller hospital for my mother. There are noticeably fewer patients compared to the large hospital they used before. It also seems the doctors and nurses have a smaller caseload.

Dad truly values the staff at the smaller hospital. He seems to form closer connections with them. For years, Dad drove the school bus and got to know many children in the area. It warms his heart when a nurse or orderly recalls the days he drove their children's bus.

The plans for Mom's birthday party are still up in the air. We expect her to be discharged on Sunday evening. Presuming she's out of the hospital, we'll celebrate with her at home. We'll cook a lovely dinner and have her birthday cake there.

We're back in Seattle, and there's been a sharp change in the weather. It's cool and rainy now.

My body seems to respond better to the cooler temperatures. I sleep better and feel more energized.

Our last few days in Dallas were a lot of fun. We met up with some of my husband's high school friends and explored the arboretum, which was beautifully decorated for Halloween.

In the evening, we dined at Las Palmas, a lovely Tex-Mex restaurant. Much of our time was spent sharing photos from our younger days. We've all changed so much.

The topic of retirement surfaced. Our host, a highly successful man, is 62 and the CEO of a mid-sized company. He intends to work until he's at least 70. Financially, his plan is wise. My husband and I wonder how we'd maintain the energy to work that long.

The Husband's Texas drawl is coming back now that we have been in Texas for a few days.

We are spending a good chunk of time catching up with his old friends, some of which date back to high school. 

I suggested that if we moved to Texas then he'd have many more friends that we do in Seattle. He pushed back on that. Many of his Dallas friends are heavy drinkers. That's not a life he wants to be part of any more. He enjoys catching up. He can enjoy hanging around here for a few days knowing we will return to Seattle soon.

We attended the Texas State Fair last night. It was fun. We rode a few rides, walked through the pavilions, watched the shows and ate too much deep friend food on a stick. Our host was insistent that our corn dogs had to be Fletchers Original Corn Dogs.

We returned home only few moments before a huge thunderstorm arrived; the kind of thunderstorm that turns a street into a creek within minutes. I enjoyed watching the ran pour down on our hosts backyard.

We are in Dallas for the week. The husband lived in Texas for many years and has many old friends here. We are staying with a couple of his closest.

The heat in Dallas is the first thing I've noticed. Even in October, the temperature rises above ninety during the day. The locals all stay indoors until it cools down in the evening. I am a little reminded of Tommy's writing about the LA heat.

The locals dress a little more nicely than in the PNW. No surprise there-- flannel, tech swag the Thrift Shop are the unofficial PNW garb.

While we are here, I am working from our hosts home. The husband has taken a week of vacation and is using some of this time to meet up with old friends. 

I am on a quest to try distinctive Texas food; BBQ, Mexican, Tex-Mex, chicken fried steak. 

The BBQ was excellent. Better than we can get in Seattle. The Texmex and Mexican food is good, but about the same quality as California or Washington. Every city seams to have its secret taco truck that makes excellent tacos.

This husband suggested I have a Texas Margarita. At first I was interested. As we searched, I realized he was just pointing to any bar that advertised margaritas. I had to ask-- is a Texas Margarita just a margarita made by a Texan, or is it something distinctly Texan? We concluded that it's just a margarita made by a Texan. I let that goal drop and reminded myself to not let AA folks bartend for me-- they prefer convenience and quantity over quality. That is not how I drink.

Tommy commented... "Downsizing does give you a breath of fresh air, and tends to make u ask yourself "do you really need that second shovel or this 30 pair of socks...."


We have so many socks... Downsizing may be good for my soul.

There is another troll in the neighborhood, and hints of fall are visible in the trees.

Five trolls created by the artist Thomas Dambo can be found in the Seattle area.

The weekend was quiet. On Saturday, we had lunch with my cranky mother-in-law, who tends to complain loudly about various aspects of her life. She often expresses dissatisfaction with the food at her retirement home, although it’s unclear whether her complaints are entirely justified. These unresolved issues contribute to a growing bucket of resentments over time. Her eyes lit up as she told us about another unresolved issue and how she was going to complain even louder.

In the afternoon, we explored West Seattle, a neighborhood we’re considering for retirement. It offers stunning views, a welcoming environment for the LGBTQ+ community, ample shopping opportunities, and proximity to friends.

Currently, we reside in a fantastic home in a great suburban neighborhood. While we enjoy being next to a large park, we must drive to go shopping or visit friends. If we move to West Seattle, we’ll need to downsize to a smaller house with less parking.

I’ve come to accept that I have one-percenter problems.

After our West Seattle tour, we had dinner with our friend Tap. We discussed our situation with him, and he advised us to give up space and move somewhere smaller. Tap recently downsized from a larger house to a smaller condo and has no regrets. The change has provided him with more free time.

On Sunday afternoon, I cooked beef bourguignon—a fancy name for pot roast. In the evening, we hosted Evan and Allan for dinner, played games, enjoyed each other’s company, and savored the food.

Last week was hectic. At work, we had people in from all over the world for an on-site meeting. I've worked with many of these people for years, yet this was the first time we've met them in person.

Over the weekend the Husband and I spent the night at a pleasant little costal village. A friend of ours has owns a house there with an attached apartment that he rents out. The apartment was vacant, so we took the opportunity to spend the night.

At dinner there, we met the local gays. For a small town, there is a surprising number of gay couples. These locals, for years, have been recruiting other gay couples to move there-- especially couples who are nearing retirement. Housing is much more affordable. Shopping and services are surprisingly close. Nearby there is a high-speed ferry to downtown Seattle.

This did prompt the husband and I to have a good chat about where, when and how we want to retire.  We know that retirement is in our future, but we don't have a specific plan. Just a few concepts-- we want to travel, to live someplace nice, to retire with enough money to not worry about our finances, to have something meaningful to do with our time. 

 

We also have a new troll in the neighborhood. But that's all good.

This morning a bear dropped by. It rummaged through the garbage cans alongside our house and then vanished. 

The fact that it vanished is more unnerving than the fact we have a bear. An arborvitae hedge separates our house from our neighbors. I think I see a place where the bear may have pushed through. I'll discuss with the neighbors later. 

Summer is winding down. The weather has been fantastic though peak summer has passed. The shadows at noon are getting long. Its pleasantly cool over night and into the morning. Plants are drying out. The more fragile are withering. 

My parents seem to be doing well. They have enough support to get by, or at least enough that they are not complaining. I have a trip booked in October for my mother's 80th birthday. Hopefully all stays well till then.

G&J and their son, were in town for the weekend. G&J are two of my oldest friends. We went to university together and lived together for many years back then. 

The husband and I took them on a low key tour of some of Seattle's sights-- the Space Needle, the Chihuly Glass Museum, interesting neighborhoods.

We had many good conversations. Retirement and mortality are hot topics, especially since SG's death last month. SG's death has hit G hard. In fact G was with SG's wife when they took him off life support.

And then there is my mother-- she has had a second stroke. She is back in the hospital. She has lost most of the use of her right arm. This time, our family response is a little more muted. A little more "wait and see." 

With mom's first stroke we had this optimism that she would fully recover. All mom needed was some time and help from her family and friends. With this second stroke we realize that assisted living is in mom's future. Full recovery may never come. She and dad must make plans that respect this. 

Work is fairly intense this week. I've had to catch up on many issues that I didn't deal with over the past month.

Unexpectedly the husband had some friends in town. Originally they just had a layover at the Seatac airport, however their departure flight was delayed by hours, so we had the time to have lunch with them.

In the evening, the husband and I had our first date night in over a month. We went out and saw Barbie. What a great movie. This is the second movie we've watched in theaters since the pandemic started. I enjoyed Barbie in the theater. I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it less at home on our large TV.

  

I am back in Seattle after spending a month in Ontario. It feels good to be home and sleep in my own bed.

Our dog ignored me when we first opened the door. She was very excited to see my husband, but when she saw me, she looked and sniffed, then turned around and ran back to him.

I’ve gained ten pounds in the past month. It’s hard to say no to pie when your father places a piece in front of you after dinner. My dad is not open to conversations about a heart-healthy diet. He is seventy-nine years old and has lived this way for years. If he changed his diet and something went wrong, he would blame it on the new diet.

My brother has also left my parents’ home. I hope all goes well with my parents. My parents now have personal support workers, but as a cousin put it, my mother has dementia, diabetes, has survived cancer, and is recovering from a stroke. We want her to recover and will work and pray for that, but we must accept that major recovery would be a miracle.

Saturday was SG's celebration of life. It was well attended-- about 200 people. Somber. Sincere. Many friends gave heartfelt tributes. 

Afterwards, a few of us, including DM (the widow), gathered at a friend's house. It was good to unwind a bit. DM's closest friends have done much to support her. The Celebration of life took work to organize and carry off. It was good to spend a few hours with friends, just relaxing. 

We are in Toronto, hanging out with friends, including DM, the widow of my friend GS. 

DM seems to be doing well. Or as well as can be expected. There are moments when she is quiet and a little teary. But she is laughing again. She smiles and engages in conversations.

This morning over breakfast, we discussed her going back to work. Her job is very supportive of taking time off. She said she wants something to do with her time other than sit around and grieve. 

We will be in Toronto for the week leading up to GS's Celebration of Life. We have received requests from our circle of friends to spend time with GS's family - to listen, go for walks with them, and help them navigate the bureaucratic speed bumps they encountered while taking over GS's affairs. GS did not plan for his death, so there is no will or list of accounts or affairs that must be dealt with. GS wasn't hiding anything; he simply wasn't the best at keeping his books up to date.

On a happy note, Saturday marked a family reunion on my father's side. Relatives from all over the country gathered to celebrate and reconnect. At least fifty people attended, including my uncles, cousins, their spouses, kids, and grandkids.

I mostly recognize my uncles and first cousins, but I struggle to remember everyone else.

On Sunday, about half of us attended our old church, and afterward, we gathered at a cousin's house for lunch.

With all the cousins in town, this was the first time I've really thought through the details of my family tree. A few of us were chatting about the surprising connections. I made a quip, saying, "There is some interesting cross-pollination going on there."

A cousin laughed, nodded, and responded, "That's a great way of putting it."

There is no incest or marriage between cousins, but the number of double relationships was surprising and caused us to double-check. It's good that my generation moved away from home and stopped marrying from within the Church.

GS won't recover. He is brain dead. The family has decided to remove him from life support, and to proceed with organ donation.

It's all very sad. I am at a loss for words.

My brother and cousin have started repairing my parents wet basement. We think we've found the source of the leaks. 

Mom doesn't like the work and construction. She think's we are hiding something from her. Of course she can't remember anything from more than two minutes ago, so its best if we choose the doors and work behind her back. Which leads to more accusations that we are hiding something from her.

Personal aid workers are starting to show up for mom. We are carefully introducing them to mom since she is not comfortable around strangers. 

GS is still in intensive care. The doctors have communicated that, should GS live, he will require extensive care for the rest of his life. His wife and their kids are weighting the options. 

The doctor has shared that GS may not recover. M, his wife, has discussed this with their kids. Our old gang of friends is rallying around them, helping in any way they can, ensuring they have food and clean laundry, and taking care of their pets.

As for my parents-- my brother, cousin, and I continue to fix up their house. There is a lot of water seeping through the floor in one room of the basement, causing mold and rotting wood. We (mostly my brother) have torn out those walls and flooring to prevent the mold from spreading. We also bought a humidifier to dry that room out. Once it's dry, we'll decide how to rebuild it again. Dad has made it clear that we can't leave it unfinished.

Last night, a few of us went to see some community theater, and it was a good show with great music. However, Mom and Dad stayed home as Mom needs to go to bed early. She starts to forget where she is after about seven pm.

In AA they say "We share our experiences in a general way." I see the wisdom of this when I think about my mother. It's so easy for me to call out the many ways her mind and body are decaying. Yet, that's not what I want to do here. I don't want to be to be a chronicler of someone with dementia. 

I want to be positive and forward looking. Whatever that means in this situation.

My brother from Alberta and his wife have arrived arrived with their trailer. They will be here for at least two weeks. It's good to see them. This gives us a few more options for managing mom. One of us can hang with her while the rest of us work on the house or farm. There is some differed maintenance at their house.Nothing that a week of hard work won't fix.

Death Stalks You at Every Turn...

While I've been here, GS, a friend from college, had a massive heart attack while playing softball. He is recovering in the hospital. 

DLB, a high school friend, completed her chemo for breast cancer. She is recovering well.

These friends are both my age.

Mom's dementia has its quirks, mostly repeated behaviors. She is fond of pointing out when someone is loosing hair. She does regularly to dad. The husband shaves his head. When I show mom a picture with him, she will quickly point out his head.

For mom, everything needs a piece of paper under it. Glasses will be placed on napkins. She doesn't really think about it. She just does it. Then there is the way she handles receipts and junk-mail. These will accumulate under the cutting board in the kitchen and under her placemat at the dinner table.

Over the weekend I toured around the neighborhood. When I lived here as a teen, I kept to the farm, the local village and my schools. I should have explored more. This area can be beautiful. Oh well. It gives me a reason to explore more now. 

Things are going as expected considering mother's memory problems. She doesn't recall the stroke or spending a month in the hospital.

My mother gets frustrated and sad about losing control of her life. My father and I will discuss an upcoming appointment with her. At that point, my mother will interject, questioning who scheduled the appointment and why. She insists she feels fine and fails to understand the need to visit the doctor. If we explain that she had a stroke and that the appointment is a follow-up to her hospital stay, she sometimes becomes sad and introspective. Other times, she pushes back, claiming she doesn't remember.

Mom is home today, sitting comfortably in her chair. Our main challenge is to remind her to use her walker whenever she needs something. Left to her own devices, she tends to try walking unassisted, resulting in struggles and stumbling.

My parents' house is situated on a lovely little property, offering wonderful views. However, it also has corners that are a homeowner's nightmare.

While Dad knows how to keep the problems at bay, he has not been able to do so lately due to the amount of time that Mom needs.

After a heavy rain, the chimney flue needs to be cleaned out. Additionally, the floors in the cold storage room have become wet, and its lower walls have turned black. Moreover, the Internet becomes flaky during heavy rain.

During my stay here, we can consult with my cousins, some of whom are skilled contractors, to find solutions for these issues.

Yes, I am using AI on these posts. I can quickly dictate something, then the AI can edit my dictation into something that isn't rambling and running on. 

I spent the day at the hospital with my mother. We spent most of the time in the cafeteria. In the cafeteria, mom convinces herself that she is in a restaurant, and becomes more at ease. 

In the cafeteria, I met Duncan, who introduced himself as "Duncan, the character from Shakespeare's play Macbeth, rather than Dunkin as in the donut chain." Accompanied by his wife, who relied on a wheelchair after a recent fall, they engaged in games and conversations with other couples.

"What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste."

Later, my cousin joined us, demonstrating her gift of conversation, which was particularly appreciated when spending extended time with someone with dementia. 

Later in the day, after my father returned, my mother had a seizure, which was both distressing and new for me to witness. The nurses responded swiftly, providing immediate care, and over the course of half an hour, my mother gradually recovered.

I am currently up in the Ottawa Valley, where my mother is expected to be discharged from the hospital in just a couple of days. Dad, my brother, and I have already started discussing the arrangements for her return home. It's an important decision that requires careful consideration.

We are all aware that the extent of her improvement will play a significant role in determining our next steps. If her condition is manageable, we are hopeful that Dad can take on the responsibility of caring for her at home. It would mean providing her with the support and assistance she needs while ensuring her well-being.

However, we are also mindful of the potential challenges that lie ahead. We have begun looking into local long-term care facilities as a viable option. While I understand that Mom may strongly resist this idea, we must prioritize her overall well-being and consider what is best for everyone involved. If the burden becomes too great for Dad or if her care requires specialized attention, we may need to seriously consider this alternative.

Throughout these discussions, one thing has become increasingly evident: the emotional toll it takes on Dad. It's heart-wrenching to witness the vulnerability and sadness he has shown during this difficult time. It serves as a stark reminder of the depth of our family's love and the profound impact this situation has on us all.

As we navigate this uncertain path, our primary objective remains the same – ensuring the best possible care and quality of life for Mom. We will continue to weigh our options, considering all factors, including her physical and emotional well-being. Our decisions will be driven by love, compassion, and a shared commitment to her happiness and comfort.

In the end, no matter which direction we choose, we are united as a family, ready to face the challenges together. With open hearts and unwavering support for one another, we will find the strength to navigate this new chapter in our lives, cherishing the precious moments we have with Mom and striving to provide her with the care she deserves.

We missed our connection in Heathrow and are now spending the night there. The airline is paying for the hotel and food, but it's all very low-end.

Pic from Stanserhorn, a nearby mountain.

Our last morning in Switzerland. We fly out in a few hours. It was wonderful here. 

My mother will be discharged from the hospital on July 5. Dad has asked me to join to help him and my brother with her aftercare. My father never asks for anything. He pushes back on receiving gifts. He hates it when one of his sons tries to pick up the check at a restaurant. So the fact that he asked me for help is important. 

My brother said that my mother is recovering from her stroke, but her behavior in the hospital has hilited her worsening dimentia. Dad thas acknowledged the amount of work her home care will require and is worried. 

So, after we fly back from Switzerland, I will repack and fly off to Ottawa.

The husband works for a Swiss company. We are in Switzerland for a work function. Today we had a nice tour of the campus.

Mom continues to improve from her stroke. She will be released in about a week. She will have much out-patient care and physiotherapy after that.

Dad has put mom's name on a list for a local memory care facility. He is being practical here. As much as we love mom and want her to fully recover, she is elderly, has Alzheimer's, and is recovering from cancer and a stroke. Her options for a bright future are thinning. At this point I want her to be loved and I don't want her to suffer. 

View from our room. 

Swiss military garb from the 1500’s

We are in Switzerland for the week. Two days in Zurich, the rest in Lucern. 

We have arrived to perfect weather. Yesterday we spent much of our time in Zurich wandering around its old town and watched hundreds of locals swimming in the river that runs through it. I love that this city has big beach in its heart. 

 

Mom's physiotherapy

Mom has started physiotherapy after her stroke. The doctor says she needs four weeks of in-hospital therapy, but Dad would prefer two weeks in-hospital and then outpatient care.

I know Mom would be happier at home, but Dad and my brother could be stretched taking care of her. She needs constant attention to avoid falling-- she doesn't like using her walker. This is all is easier to manage in a hospital setting with family, nurses, and aides.

The husband and I have travel scheduled for next week. After that I am thinking about flying up to join my family.

A busy weekend in Seattle

We had a busy weekend in Seattle. Friends from California drove up in a motorhome and spent a day and a half with us. On Sunday, friends from Victoria came by ferry for a concert, and we had lunch with them the following day.

While our mother is in the hospital, my youngest brother has moved in with dad. Young Bro can work remote. Mom's hospital is nearby. Young Bro spends time with mom in the mornings and evenings. 

Dad is pushing back on this arrangement. Young Bro and I are debating this. In the past, dad hid mom's cancer from my brothers and I because didn't want to inconvenience us. Dad is proudly independent. Too much so.

So Young Bro and I must judge-- is Dad pushing back because he is too proud to ask for help? Is Young Bro a genuine inconvenience? 

This morning Young Bro sent me a video of mom eating lunch. Her left hand is working well. Her right struggles. Watching the video made me a little weepy.

Hang in there mom. 

Mother has started walking with a walker and some assistance. 

She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember back more than a few minutes. So it's difficult for her to learn about her stroke and accept that she needs some patience and therapy. The hospital has started strapping her in her bed. Without straps she regularly tries to leave, but then falls after a few steps. The alternative to straps is to have a family member with her 24x7. She trusts family. They can explain to her what's happened, again and again.

Sooner or later mom will leave the hospital. The doctor said that is at least a week away, if not longer. As these plans become more clear, I'll probably fly up to their place to help. 

Mom is slowly recovering. She desperately wants to leave the hospital. She gets angry when she realizes she must stay longer. 

She has been able to sleep a bit better in the last couple of nights. This helps a lot. She already has Alzheimer's. A lack of sleep on top of the stroke makes her current mental state hard to diagnose.

Wednesday Mom had a small stroke. She is in the hospital. My brother and father are with her. 

She doesn't want to stay in the hospital. She is confused, but mobile enough to get into trouble. She'll get out of bed when no one is watching, take a few steps and fall.

She will be in the hospital for a few more days. Dad has communicated that we don't need to come up.

When my mother had cancer dad didn't tell us for months because he didn't want to bather us, and there was nothing we could do anyways. So when dad he told us "She had a small stroke. She is doing fine and will be out in a few days." we have all started digging into the little that we know to see what's really going on.

My boss has started using AI and is recommending it to us. His take is that there are so many Product Marketing and Product Vision documents on the internet, that AI can do a surprisingly good job of creating skeltons or boilerplate for that type of doc. AI isn't good at high level inspiration. Once you have the inspiration, AI does a great job of fleshing it out.

It's been gorgeous here for the past few days. Sunny, not too hot, with a breeze that gently blows though that he trees and freshens the air.

Friday we hung out on the dock at the brother-in-law's rowing club. Sunday we hosted a small cook-out. 

On Monday, my and I attended an AA meeting that hosts a potluck on the fifth Monday of the month. When that happens it invites friends and partners. My husband regrets not being able to attend this meeting more often, as he often flies out for work on Mondays. He has several acquaintances at this AA meeting. He feels like he could add value to it.

On Tuesday evening, I had dinner with my friend C2. He has decided to move to San Diego, California, where there are more job opportunities in his career field. Seattle is starting to sour on him, as it’s been over a year since he’s had a ‘real’ date. From his perspective, there are plenty of players in Seattle, but few men who want to date and build a normal relationship.

I keep my mouth shut. It’s very easy for me to poke holes in his reasoning, but it’s very hard to get him to listen to or trust me. I’m not a great example of how to have a sane or normal relationship or career progression.

C6 & QJ hosted their annual Memorial Weekend pool party. It was fun. I only see many of the attendees once a year at this party. We are all getting older.

As one of the guests commented-- in the 90s, we all hung out at the Cuff (A Seattle gay leather and dance club) The pool party is like a reunion of that time when we thought we would be young, healthy and could drink heavily all the time. 

 Bathwater writes...

So have you decided to take all your posts into Chat GPT before publishing?

It's a shiny new toy. I'm sure I'll use it less as the novelty wears off. 

Using it is also instructive. Sometimes I'll write things that I must mull over for hours. Maybe I need to communicate something controversial. Maybe I must give hard feedback or ask hard questions. AI is a new tool for edit and review. It is much more useful than rereading it dozens of times.

I'm also learning how to spot AI authored text. After using AI for a while I've observed that its writing has a certain feel and tone. A little too neutral. A little too consistent. A little too wordy. 

I have a coworker who does not speak English fluently. Recently I've noticed that his written communication is clear, fleshed out and has proper grammar. Hmmmm

PS. This post has not been edited by AI.

"ChatGPT, on Sunday I bought a jigsaw puzzle board as a birthday gift to my self. Monday, I worked half a day. With the rest of my time I played hooky and worked on a jigsaw puzzle.

Please rewrite that as a personal blog entry."

Sunday was a special day for me - it was my birthday! I decided to treat myself to something I've been wanting for a while: a jigsaw puzzle board. The next day, I only worked half a day and decided to play hooky for the rest of the day. I spent my free time indulging in my new puzzle and it was the perfect way to unwind and celebrate my birthday.

Some corrections. First, my birthday was Saturday even though I bought the puzzle board on Sunday. Second, I worked on an old puzzle, not a new puzzle.

Thank you for the corrections. Here’s the revised version:

Saturday was a special day for me - it was my birthday! The next day, I decided to treat myself to something I’ve been wanting for a while: a jigsaw puzzle board. On Monday, I only worked half a day and decided to play hooky for the rest of the day. I spent my free time indulging in an old puzzle and it was the perfect way to unwind and celebrate my birthday.

Saturday was my birthday. We took it easy. I wasn't up for a big celebration after all our traveling.

So we had a quiet celebration. Friday night we ate at the Calcutta Grill, which has fantastic views. Saturday, we went on a good walk, ran errands, got the house ready for summer, and napped.

Saturday evening, I chatted on Zoom with friends. We usually play games with each other. This time we never got around to it. Our parents are all aging. Two of my friends are dealing with their parents' health crisis. It's good to let them talk, even if we can't offer much in return but emotional support. I know that I've depended on them for just this.

"ChatGPT, please rewrite my blog post in the tone of Margaret Atwood."

On Saturday, I celebrated my birthday in a low-key manner, opting for a more relaxed day after recent travels. The festivities consisted of a quiet gathering without any grand celebrations. On Friday evening, we dined at the Calcutta Grill, a restaurant renowned for its breathtaking views. The following day, we embarked on a pleasant walk, took care of errands, prepared the house for the upcoming summer season, and indulged in a refreshing nap.

...

"Please rewrite my blog in the tone of Stephen King."

Saturday was my damn birthday. We took it easy, not in the mood for any extravagant celebration after all the damn traveling we'd been through.

So we had a quiet shindig. Friday night we grabbed a bite at the Calcutta Grill, a joint with killer views. Saturday, we went for a solid walk, ran some errands, got the house all prepped for the impending summer madness, and crashed for a well-deserved nap.

...

My husband and I have started using AI. Yesterday, OpenAI dropped an app for the iPhone. We both installed it and are experimenting.

My husband spent some time quizzing ChatGpt about cancer treatments. This is his area of expertise. He was very impressed by the answers. Next, he tested it by discussing travel itineraries for our past few trips. He wanted to see what ChatGpt would propose versus his actual experience. Again, he was impressed by the proposed itinerary for Paris.

Our next trip is in June. He now trusts ChatGpt for travel suggestions, so he and ChatGpt are fleshing out the trip.

I’m using ChatGpt as an editor. I popped this blog post into it and asked for help. It works surprisingly well. I’m tempted to start using it for some work communications, but that is full of legal and disclosure issues, so I’ll stay away from that.

I see that it's replaced "The husband" (My nickname for my husband) with something grammatically correct.

 
It also provided the following suggestions...

Some suggestions for improving your blog post could be to add more details about your experiences with the AI app and how it has helped you or your husband in different areas. You could also consider adding some personal reflections on the potential benefits and drawbacks of using AI in daily life.

Then I asked "Please rewrite my blogpost in a less conversational and more formal tone." I got...

Recently, my spouse and I have begun utilizing an artificial intelligence application developed by OpenAI on our iPhones. We have been experimenting with its capabilities and have been impressed with the results thus far.

For instance, my spouse queried ChatGpt regarding cancer treatments, an area in which he possesses expertise. The responses he received were impressive. Additionally, he tested ChatGpt by discussing travel itineraries for our previous trips. He compared ChatGpt’s proposed itinerary for Paris with his actual experience and found it to be satisfactory.

Our next trip is scheduled for June, and my spouse now trusts ChatGpt to provide travel suggestions. They are currently collaborating to plan the trip.

I have also utilized ChatGpt as an editor for my writing. I input this blog post and requested assistance, and the results were surprisingly effective. I am tempted to use it for work communications, but there are legal and disclosure issues to consider.

I purged my wardrobe last weekend. Later, I checked out my clothing shopping history and discovered that I buy almost all my clothes online.

I really haven’t bought new clothes since before the pandemic, with a few exceptions-- new shoes, new socks, and a few t-shirts. The rest has been around for years.

My husband’s clothing purchase habits are very different. He enjoys shopping and buying new clothes. He likes it when I wear nice new clothes and would love to help me.

Part of my problem is that I am very tall and on the thin side. It’s hard to find clothes that fit me well. Big & Tall stores usually don’t help because they are for those who are big and tall, while I am only tall.

There are a few manufacturers who make clothing in my size, and I have accounts with them all. However, their catalogs never change. I could buy a new version of the same shirt that I just threw out, which I originally bought in 2018.

I’ll just tell myself that my style is timeless, not trendy.

This week at work has been a firehose of stuff. I'm reflecting back over my past management and leadership training-- Is it important, or just urgent? Prioritize! Pareto's Principle! The Solution is Collaboration. None of that seems to matter when your boss needs help and has a a long list of urgent and important commitments.

Sunday, we woke up at 4:30am-- jet lag

In the past two weeks, Seattle has changed from spring to summer. We used our extra jet lag hours to clean up the yard and get the deck ready for summer. It's looking nice.

Sunday evening, we had dinner with C3. He is considering moving to So Cal. His lease is running out, he doesn't like his job, and he is struggling to find real dates around here. And so, he plans to leave. A bit of a bummer for me. 

We are about to board our flight from Paris to Seattle.

We traveled to Paris with Allan & Evan. We are good friends, though a week of travel stresses everyone. The husband and I would love to come back again, but without travel partners. 

Not all of us are good at directions or leading. Allen worries us. He would offer to look up directions and do so on his phone. Then he would take off and we would follow. Things would get confusIng. As near as we can figure, Allen would ignore the actual directions and just walk, with great certainty, in the direction of the crowd.  After a few sudden changes, the rest of us would realize we were not heading in the right direction. We'd gently need to take over-- Allen does not take correction easily.

By day two, we stopped listening to Allen's offers of direction. 

We have been in Paris for the week. It is lovely here, the art the history the endless fantastic number of street cafe's filled with customers drinking, eating and chatting the day away. We spent a lot of time just walking the streets and exploring. 

This is our last full day in Ireland. In the morning we biked and kayaked-- wonderful and scenic. The husband is out saying goodbye to his coworkers. I've started my regular work for the evening.

Ireland is wonderful. The husband is here for a work trip. Of course I couldn't say no to joining him. Still, I have not taken vacation to be here. I am working in the evenings.

During the day, we do some exploring, some excursions and some napping-- just enjoying the local sights-- the food, the castles, and the falconry. 

And we have our luggage back. My skin was starting to crawl after wearing the same cloths, socks and underwear for three days.

We are now in Kildare County, Ireland. Its gorgeous here. This afternoon we took a leisurely bike trip around town and soaked up the scenery. 

We are now in Dublin. The trip from Vegas to Dublin was exhausting. Our luggage didn't arrive. The airline promised it will arrive by tomorrow. 

This morning we showered, walked around the town and napped. 

I am working while we are in Ireland. I'm keeping my Seattle hours, so my Ireland hours are from 5pm to 1am. 

Our Vegas trip is coming to a close.

My brother's wedding was very sweet. It was in Fire Valley state park about an hour outside of Vegas.  The location is otherworldly and beautiful. 

For the rest of the time we hung out, ate and saw a few shows.

We all got along well. My brother and I have been arguing since we could talk, so this was nice.

We are about to embark on two and a half weeks of travel-- three days in Vegas for my brother's wedding, then a week in Ireland for the husband's job, then a week in Paris for vacation.

While in Ireland, I'll be working. This is the farthest I've pushed the "remote work from anywhere" provision that my job has.

T&J were in town for the weekend. T is one of the husband's oldest friends. They have known each other since they were five.

T&J are making the leap to retirement. They are selling their home, and buying a smaller, but nice place in some tiny town in Oklahoma. They think this will reduce their expenses enough that it will fund their retirement. 

J has prostate cancer. I think it's under control. They intend to use Medicare to pay for any additional treatment.

Their plan is too risky for me. 

We've been discussing the retirement more seriously. J, a friend of mine, decided she wants to retire around age 55. As lucrative as her job is, she hates it. 

That got the husband and I talking. We are doing our jobs, more for the money than because it's our calling.

The husband's said that he doesn't want to retire until after his mother dies. That's a clear qualifier. Sometimes his mother does need emergency cash. Us having jobs is a nice safety net.

Last night we had dinner with her. She is constantly on oxygen for COPD. Her travel oxygen machine is breaking down so she has to stay close to power at all times. This is fine while she is at her retirement home. It's more complicated when she wants to go out. We spent a good amount of time discussing the type of machine she needed, and the complexities of Medicare.

We spent the weekend in Seaside Oregon with QJ & C6.

Driving back from Seaside-- it was raining hard. The roads were slippery. Just ahead of us two cars collided. Everyone in the traffic around us stomped on their breaks. As we braked, the car infront of us got awfully close, awfully fast. On the right side of our vehicle, we saw a Fedex truck spin around-- a complete 180. 

And then it all stopped. The people in the accident ahead of us were OK. No additional cars were damaged. We breathed deeply and then carried on our way.

Back to Seaside--

We were there for an annual AA convention-- The North Coast Roundup. While I'm not in AA, I regularly attend. I have so many friends in AA that it is a nice weekend away. The speakers are always interesting. I may not have their problems, but it helps me sympathize.

The convention is large. While I don't know the numbers, well over 1000 people attended the Saturday evening speaker.

Seattle is very dog friendly. I know of at least four dog friendly bars and restaurants. I frequently bring my dog along to my weekly dinners with C2.

I think my dog is appreciative of the outing. Of course her nose regularly pops out from under the tables that we eat at. But she never begs or barks and she loves sniffing. This is different than her life in the Suburbs. At home she doesn't hesitate to bark at strange dogs. Or aggressively beg when we are eating.

For years we've attempted tp train our dog to play fetch properly. When you thow a ball, she'll chase it. However, after she retrieves the ball, she will runs off and lay someplace where she can chew on it undisturbed.

I've used treats to encourage her to return the ball to me. Unfortunately, once she knows I have treats, she focuses on the treat and ignores the ball. She is very food focused.

"Neither a borrower, nor a lender be. For loan oft loses both itself and friend. And borrower dulls the edge of husbandry."

A few weeks ago, I loaned C2 our iron. That was my mistake. C2 doesn't want to buy more stuff. He borrows when he can.

Of course, last Saturday the husband needed the iron. I reminded him that C2 borrowed it. The husband was miffed.

"He has a good income. He can go buy his own iron." The Husband worked off his frustration by heading out and buying a new iron.

A few days later when we shared these events with our room mate, she said "Irons are cheap. Why didn't he buy one?"

I texted C2 about the loaned iron. He responded "What does it really mean to 'loan' anyway?"

My bad. I have learnt my lesson.

Tuesday night the dog was sick. I am not sure what brought that on.

The dog is very good at warning us when she has to go outside. She will paces near us and barks. Should I walk towards her, she will respond by heading to the front door.

She did that at least half a dozen times during the night. Towards the end I slept on the sofa nearest the front door.

Then it was over. By 8am she was acting hungry so I fed her. Nothing went wrong. 

That evening I needed to catch up on sleep, so I pushed my regular Tuesday dinner with C2 to Wednesday.

-------

C2 occasionally sees the homeless man who now owns his blanket and has gives me updates on its whereabouts. C2 wants to take pictures of the blanket and the man. He holds back because the man looks unstable.

Speaking of purging... C2 is also also getting rid of old stuff. 

He owned a nice blanket that he hasn't used in years. Decades maybe. He acquired the blanket before his tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, before years of working in D.C. and Colorado. It was too nice to throw out. He never needed it, so he kept it in storage or the closet.

Reality finally set in. C2 was never going to use the blanket. It was just taking space. It was time to get rid of it.

C2 gave the blanket to a thrift shop near him hoping it would find a new home. A few days later C2 saw the blanket in the garbage by the thrift shop. He felt a little bummed when he realized his blanket wasn't good enough for the thrift shop.

A few days after that, while C2 was out for a walk, he saw that someone homeless had claimed his blanket. 

The husband got rid of some of his old belongings. The experience made him a little blue. He had pictures of many of his old coworkers, grade and high school memorabilia, files, books. So many things. He could look at each thing and almost convince himself that it may be meaningful one day. Then he tempered that with the reality-- he hasn't looked in the boxes in years-- he hasn't kept touch with many of the people in decades. 

I struggle with that as well. While I'm pretty good with keeping my physical property in check, I may be a digital hoarder. I have so many files that just maybe useful one day. 

The husband is better. Yesterday he worked a full day. Today he is frisky.

Spring is in the air. Tomorrow the temperature should crack 60F. Of course, one should always view the weather forecast with some suspicion.

  

The husband is sick today. Perhaps a stomach flue. It's not COVID. I'm taking care of him as best I can. Mostly he needs rest fluids.

 

As a teenager, I listened in aww to CD's. They were so clear. So perfect. Such an improvement over tapes and records.

Now streaming is here. I can call up most any song, at any time. It will be played with perfect clarity.

My mother-in-law gifted the husband her record collection. The husband bought a record player.

I resisted at first, but there is something goofy and fun about listening to vinyl. 

There should be no reason for vinyl. I live in a world where I can just say "Hey Siri, play "Come Fly With Me." and instantly listen to the best possible recording of that song.

Vinyl is work. You have to have that album, get the album out, blow the dust off, take the old record off the player, put on the new and let down the needle. Only then you get to listen. 

Vinyl is also a commitment. With streaming you can stop or skip any song at any time. With a record player, you must get up, go to the machine and lift the needle.

And yet vinyl is charming. The extra work involved encourages us to be more thoughtful and a little more committed to listening.

We took a short ski-vacation in Park City with Bayley. This is the 3rd time we've traveled there with her.

Friday, I ended up working all day due to a work emergency. This carried over a little bit into Saturday & Sunday.

We have skiied/boarded at Park City three times. I enjoy snowboarding there. It has great hills. It's also easy for both Bayley and us to get there. 

Now Park City is *very* expensive. I think Bayle loves that. Shopping at the boutiques. Eating at great restaurants. The high cost of living high.

The husband suggested we book next years trip somewhere else and then invite Bayley along. 

And so I am looking.

 

C2 and I had good conversation over dinner.

We discussed a recent Saturday night of his. A friend of his was gooning, had taken drugs but then developed a priapism. I had to ask what goonging was. Apparently I am behind the times on current gay sex lingo.

The friend managed to get a prescription to treat the priapism, but didn't want to drive to pick it up because, well, he was on drugs. 

Rather than being upfront with C2, the friend invited C2 over to hang out. C2 has a crush on this man, so he said yes. 

After C2 arrived, the friend told him about his predicament and asked for a drive to a late night pharmacy. C2, being the softie that he is, went along with this. The first two pharmacies did not have the proper medication. They ended up driving to the other side of the city before they found one. All of this took hours.

Lately, I've been examining my life, trying to figure out what want, what the next phase will be. To inspire this, I've been contemplating the life goals of those around me. This story was my second reminder that many gay men are into partying, sex and drugs. It's an easy life

We've had a few days of snow here. It's melted away now. I'm hoping this is winter's last hurrah. It's March now, and March is the start of spring, Right? 

At work, the new org is settling in. I'm getting to know everyone. I'm trying to understand their goals and how they intend to achieve them. We are taking baby steps towards working together.

Sunday, Clem and Bates hosted a small Carnival party. We had a good time. I know Clem and Bates because I used to be their neighbors. Most of the guests were-- how do I say this-- Clem and Bates are very sex positive. Most of their guests were former, or current, fuck buddies. 

One of the couples discussed their glory hole and the websites they advertise on. It's a seasonal glory hole. It's outside and not insulated so they shut it down in the winter. 

All but one of the guests was over 50. A few were retired. One of the discussions was about the complications of being an aging slut. When you are over 60, everyone wants you to be the daddy. When one of you is 60, and the other 55, do you really want to role play daddy-boy? 

Afterwards the husband and I confirmed that we are happy with our closed relationship.

I'm having dinner with C2 tonight. I worry about him. He wants a boyfriend so bad, yet he seems to be going about that in all the wrong ways. I refrain from giving him advice-- he will ignore that. He enjoys discussing technical and scientific things. I enjoy his company. 

It's been sunny and cold here in the Pacific North West. A coworker who moved to Seattle for the mild winters joked that he feels ripped off.

JM has passed away. I met JM when I first moved to Seattle. We had both moved to Seattle from the same area of Canada and ended up on the same hockey team.

We kept in touch even after I stopped playing hockey.

The husband met JM in the rooms of AA and briefly sponsored him. JM eventually decided that AA was not for him. 

That brief story tells so much about JM. 

JM died of some sort of respiratory failure, though we don't now the specifics. An autopsy is forthcoming. I'm not going to speculate until I learn back about that.

We've had a long weekend here. I've been using the time to clean up, catchup and chill. The weather here in the PNW is cool and rainy. Not conducive to hiking.

The husband and I have much travel scheduled over the next few months. Between now and July, I'll be away from home for five weeks-- working remote for some of it. Actual vacation for others. 

Work is busy. I have finished my part in our annual promotions and bonus process. It's always frustrating. There is never enough money to give everyone what they deserve. 

Perhaps my travel diarrhea is gone. Sometime this afternoon I noticed that I felt lighter and a little more energetic. The burn in my belly is gone. We shall see if I have any sudden compulsions to run to the bathroom.

I often claim that I need more down time. I'm trying to apply a little more discipline to what little downtime I have. It's easy to get sucked into social media, to play games or to watch some crap TV. I want to use my down time a little more intentionally. A little more journaling, reading and writing. A little more pondering, reflection and meditation.

I seem to have developed a bad habit of glancing at my phone when I experience five seconds of silence. 

So tonight I've turned on the music. A pad and pen are next to me. Let's see what happens. 

Damn it's hard to stay away from my phone.

We are back home. I am on the mend. A little tired, but I don't have the runs like the past few days. Our other sick travel companion is also recovering. 

There are a few good conversations the husband and I must have as a result of our trip.

First-- how do we do big group trips without all the organizing. It's easy to fall into a "the group does everything altogether" trap. Then one person has to drive the planning... "What time do we want lunch? Where?" That one person is usually my husband. He can be organized to a fault. And it exhausts him after a while.

Second-- I need to schedule more downtime for myself. As fun as PV, I was feeling overloaded towards the end. And that was before I got travel diarrhea. I don't want to go on nice trips, then return home overloaded and tired. I must master the art of saying no to group activities without sounding like I'm going to snub the group. 

Our friend who became sick, spent the night in the hospital. She is out now. On antibiotics and electrolytes.

I am also under the weather. I've slept all day. That helped. 

Everyone else is good. They went whale watching this morning and got some good pictures. 

It's Thursday already. The week is going well. I nice combination of activities and relaxing. 

One of our friends has Montezuma's revenge. The husband may take her to a doctor. She is up and around but must stay close to a toilet.

I wonder how she got her bug. We all have been eating the same things and she is the only one affected. It may just be one of those quirks of individual biology.