I was wondering about the long silence. ...Roderick

I am flattered that you were curious. Honestly most days have been routine-- work, maybe errands, meals, a little exercise, a little entertainment.

My birthday is Wednesday. Sunday we hosted my birthday BBQ. It was good to have people over. The cake was delicious. 

My brother-in-law shared an update about his family tree. Usually I don't blog about the lives of others. I'm making an exception here. I love this story. 

For a while I've known that my brother-in-law is only a half brother to my husband, though I’ve never known the full story. There is no doubt that my husband is his father's son. They look very similar. My brother-in-law, however, looks very different. 

Decades ago when my parents-in-law first met, my father-in-law knew my mother-in-law was seeing other men. When she became pregnant my father-in-law married her without question. Through out his life my brother-in-law was treated as a full son, never less. We all have great respect for my father-in-law because of that.

Flash forward to 2018. My brother in law is now sixty and curious about the details of his family tree. He had his DNA tested at Ancestry.com.

The results were unexpected. While his parents were German and Czech, he was 50% Mexican. 

My brother-in-law approached his mother about this discovery. She was embarrassed,  evasive and confused. She claimed she had never dated a Mexican even though the tests said otherwise. Eventually she recalled the name of his biological father who she insisted was Spanish. Not Mexican! Spanish!

 

My brother-in-law did some initial research and found that his biological father had passed away years earlier. With that, he set down his investigation and moved on. 

Over the next few years, Ancestry.com would occasionally point my brother-in-law to potential cousins, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles and other distant relatives. He never pursued those connections.

At one point an aunt reached out to him and said "I'm the keeper of our family tree! I'd like to add you. How do you fit in?"

My brother-in-law responded that he was not ready to be a part of a new family tree. 

A few months ago Ancenstry.com matched a half-brother. The half-brother reached out to my brother-in-law. They started texting and slowly getting to know each other. About a month ago he flew to California to spend a weekend with his half brother and his wife.

As it turns out, their biological father had several kids with different mothers. This is why so many of them were on Ancestry.com. They are all reaching out, searching for lost relatives and building new relationships with those they find. They have welcomed my brother-in-law with open arms. 

I'm happy for my brother-in-law.

The weather has been perfect lately. Pleasant during the day. Cool sleeping weather at night. Wonderful sunsets for just to enjoy should we walk along the beach in the evening.

It sounds like the executives are about to make an offer for my replacement. I've interviewed him. He's a good guy. I'm staying out of the final decision which is fine as I don't have to live with the consequences. 

The org seems to be past the shock of all the departures. There is still some anxiety, but no one is asking "Am I next?" Hiring my replacement will help.

An old friend is staying at our place for a few days. He was one of my first roommates in University. 

It's good to catch up with him. We've been reminiscing and texting our old roommates. Were we as messy as we recall? Were we as impulsive with our major life decisions as it now seems?

My friend and I both started in STEM programs. Over time my friend became disillusioned with life in the corporate world. He became an activist. He first started volunteering for and later creating charities in Central and South America. He now leads a large NGO in Nicaragua. I've always admired his morals and ethics. But why Nicaragua? Even he doesn't have a great answer for that. He saw a need. He had the skills and time. So he made the choice. 

Gorgeous day today. I walked the dogs with my brother-in-law, went for a bike ride and read for a while. 

My husband is flying off to Alaska for his last work trip before we retire.

The weather has become pleasant in Seattle. The soil is now warm enough to plant the dahlia tubers that we acquired a few weeks ago. 

On social media there is "Free stuff" group for our neighborhood. About a month ago we asked if anyone had extra dahlia tubers. Within a couple days we received a garbage bag full of them. A pleasant surprise. They still need to be inspected and trimmed, but I'm looking forward to growing them, What type of dahlia are they? 

My mother-in-law's celebration of life is in about a month. Prior to his trouble with the law, our friend and his husband planned to attend.  We are wondering if they will follow through. My husband and I have discussed with with various AIs ("Act as if your are Miss Manors..." "Act as if you are Dear Abby...") they agree... We should un-invite our friend. Be kind but firm. Our priority is to the mourners and to minimize drama. 

I think (I hope) our friend's trouble is limited to the state level. 

My husband has gone down a social media rabbit hole. The video of the sting has 75K views. There are many videos of other stings in that channel. The channel owner appears to be working with the police. 

I am more detached. Our friend has made bad choices and now has poor options. Like other situations where I’ve observed addictive behavior, I struggle to understand why he went down that path. Don't do stupid things. Why is that so hard to learn?

That's easy for me to say. My life is littered with the debris of stupid choices. 

A friend of ours has got himself into much trouble. The police sting was posted on social media. He was named and shamed. If the case is as clear as it's been presented, then he could go to jail for a while.

My husband is frustrated and angry at this friend. Rightfully so. He ran a family business. Many people, including other family members, depend on him for their jobs. Our friend could also be very impulsive and has a long history of drug fueled meltdowns. 

We are close to the friend's husband and some of the extended family. We've reached out to them to offer whatever help we can.

Social weekend. My husband remarked that we had too much scheduled and not enough downtime.  It was warm and sunny over the weekend and our different friends wanted to meet up before the gray and rain returns. 

Retirement from work is proceeding. I've started screening resumes for my replacement. Interviews start next week. 

My husband asked if I was worried about having something purposeful to do after we retired. I quickly said no. Maybe I am a little worried about meaning and purpose. I won't be bored however. I have a craving to shut my cell phone off and disconnect for days. While that's not meaning or purpose, it's a sign that I am too over connected. Work always has something to review, approve, or check in on.

Why stay? In June, I will receive a healthy amount of deferred compensation. So I will stick to my plan of leaving by end of June.

The weather has been wonderful this weekend. We’ve been catching up with friends. 

We had brunch with Huff and C2. C2 has opened an investment account for baby H. C2 wanted to get together to go over the instructions on how to deposit, check in on the account, as well as the limitations on withdrawals. We are hoping that in 20 years this account will be enough to fund her college education or a down payment on a home. 

The week has become more chaotic. I told an associate "I'm past concern. This is all hilarious."

The story so far... in March I told my new and old manager that I'm retiring at the end of June.

Last week,  my peer director accepted a job elsewhere and is leaving at the end of this week.

Wednesday morning, my former boss (AS) was let go.  

Our vice president (TA) is leaving at the end of this week. Rumor is that he was asked to leave.

I still care about the team, our technology and our business. I want to project some stability. I don't want to unintentionally encourage everyone to abandon ship. When I was talking to an associate about this conundrum, he responded that all the rats are scurrying off the ship. How could they conclude anything else? 

The endless re-orging of our company continues. AS has been let go. AS was the boss I lost about a month ago due to the the prior reorg-- not the former boss who is doing the start-up. I have so many former bosses. 

AS and I talked over the phone. He was let go while on paternity leave. Apparently another reorg is in the works.  The role he was to have after returning from leave has gone away.  Financially, they will pay him to the end of his paternity leave and then pay him an additional departure package. 

I'm a little jealous. I want to be laid off. Watching this happen around me is like seeing a car crash in slow motion. 

This past weekend we attended the North Coast Roundup, an AA conference in Seaside. We rented a house with a few friends. Overall it was a good weekend. 

Our friend QJ caught us up on his life. He's been off work with back pain and has had a series of surgeries to address the issue. He is better now and will soon return to work. We asked QJ what caused the injury.  He told us that he played much football in high school and  college. That was hard on his body. Over the years he's had sixteen surgeries to repair the consequences. 

The weather on the coast was wonderful, especially for April. Outside of the conference, we did much hiking and walking. 

The conference has a mix of AA and Al-Anon speakers. I enjoy the Al-Anon speakers. Less so, the AA. The thought of heavy daily drinking makes my stomach churn, so I struggle to understand what drives someone to do so. I do not have that addiction.

While I have no problems staying sober,  many of my friends are in AA. There is something there for me to continue to explore. 

At work, my peer director is also leaving. Her last day is the end of next week. Our mutual boss has also not been talking to her. Part of me wants to negotiate hard to have them pay me to stay an extra year. The other part of me, the more thoughtful part, thinks this is confirmation that it's time to leave.