My sister in law is recovering. It will be a few days before we know how well. She has a fever and a UTI that are now under control. Sensation has returned to the parts of her body that were previously numb.

My brother is very frustrated and angry at the medical system around him. I’m not sure how to read this. Anger and frustration have always been his main tools for dealing with disagreement. He has not learnt the arts of navigating and negotiating in complex situations. My sister in law may be getting the care she needs. Or she may be in a system that is overtaxed. 

I shut up about my situation. My husband and I are being spoiled in Banff. We listen to my brother vent and try to help him understand the process that’s going on around them. They may both be expecting rapid recovery, though the reality is that recovery will take weeks. It’s not easy to coach patience when she spends every waking minute in pain. 

My middle brother’s wife has had a turn for the worse. She had a surgery to remove a cyst that was along her spine. A day after she was discharged from the hospital, she started to regress. They ended up life-flighting her back to the hospital. An MRI revealed a blood clot and pressure buildup in her spine. She had an emergency surgery overnight and is now recovering. 

Work was uneventful this week.

Even though we are retiring in a month, this morning we are off for a week of vacation in Banff. The trip was planned before we decided to retire.

This trip is a work award for my husband— he won President’s club. We will need to dress up nicely for the various events with his colleagues and executives and packed extensively as a result. 

I wonder how our wardrobe will change after we retire. My husband spent hundreds on a new suit for this trip. Will it lie unused after this next week? Alternatively, will I need to up my game and dress more crisply? Many folks in my family dress very cheaply. You may even think they were homeless. My husband has stressed that I can’t go down that path. 

Happy Memorial Day.

Lunch with my old coworker went well. He thanked me for reaching out and lamented that he and his wife are both nerdy introverts, so they don’t have many social opportunities. 

He enjoys being retired. He has to put more effort into finding something meaningful and challenging, but that’s not a bad problem.

After lunch my husband and I drove down to C3 and QJ for an afternoon bbq with the AA crowd. I enjoyed. Too many sweets. 

Tommy wrote...

Your Mother-in-Law, from your description, was a Free Spirit and was directed by her own feelings and desires. Hopefully, her sons share that Spirit of Personal adventure.

My Mother-in-Law was a free spirit. It imparted very different lessons on her sons. While, they do both have a healthy spirit of personal adventure, they also have a craving for the stability and family that they never experienced as a child.  By and large, they are much more balanced. 

This memorial weekend is going well. The weather is cooler and cloudier. Saturday, we went on a long walk along our local beaches. 

Sunday, I am having lunch with an old coworker who is "exploring retirement." We both left the big-tech-company the year before COVID. Then a few months back he was laid off. This story is not uncommon.  

My mother-in-law's celebration-of-life is in a couple of weeks.  My husband and his brother are busy planning. There are a surprising amount of logistics.

She had multiple ex lovers and husbands. At one point her sons started a serious discussion on which of the ex's should have their picture displayed at the celebration. My brother-in-law cracked that he wanted all the exs to be displayed in chronological order. They broke out laughing as they struggled to name them.

My actual birthday was uneventful. The weather was pleaseant. 

My husband was away in Alaska for work.  This was his last work trip before retirement. 

My friend C2 traveled over for a dinner. We ate at a nice local fish-and-chips restaurant. Afterwards we walked along the beach, chatted and let the dog paw at all the smelly things in the sand. 

I was wondering about the long silence. ...Roderick

I am flattered that you were curious. Honestly most days have been routine-- work, maybe errands, meals, a little exercise, a little entertainment.

My birthday is Wednesday. Sunday we hosted my birthday BBQ. It was good to have people over. The cake was delicious. 

My brother-in-law shared an update about his family tree. Usually I don't blog about the lives of others. I'm making an exception here. I love this story. 

For a while I've known that my brother-in-law is only a half brother to my husband, though I’ve never known the full story. There is no doubt that my husband is his father's son. They look very similar. My brother-in-law, however, looks very different. 

Decades ago when my parents-in-law first met, my father-in-law knew my mother-in-law was seeing other men. When she became pregnant my father-in-law married her without question. Through out his life my brother-in-law was treated as a full son, never less. We all have great respect for my father-in-law because of that.

Flash forward to 2018. My brother in law is now sixty and curious about the details of his family tree. He had his DNA tested at Ancestry.com.

The results were unexpected. While his parents were German and Czech, he was 50% Mexican. 

My brother-in-law approached his mother about this discovery. She was embarrassed,  evasive and confused. She claimed she had never dated a Mexican even though the tests said otherwise. Eventually she recalled the name of his biological father who she insisted was Spanish. Not Mexican! Spanish!

 

My brother-in-law did some initial research and found that his biological father had passed away years earlier. With that, he set down his investigation and moved on. 

Over the next few years, Ancestry.com would occasionally point my brother-in-law to potential cousins, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles and other distant relatives. He never pursued those connections.

At one point an aunt reached out to him and said "I'm the keeper of our family tree! I'd like to add you. How do you fit in?"

My brother-in-law responded that he was not ready to be a part of a new family tree. 

A few months ago Ancenstry.com matched a half-brother. The half-brother reached out to my brother-in-law. They started texting and slowly getting to know each other. About a month ago he flew to California to spend a weekend with his half brother and his wife.

As it turns out, their biological father had several kids with different mothers. This is why so many of them were on Ancestry.com. They are all reaching out, searching for lost relatives and building new relationships with those they find. They have welcomed my brother-in-law with open arms. 

I'm happy for my brother-in-law.

The weather has been perfect lately. Pleasant during the day. Cool sleeping weather at night. Wonderful sunsets for just to enjoy should we walk along the beach in the evening.

It sounds like the executives are about to make an offer for my replacement. I've interviewed him. He's a good guy. I'm staying out of the final decision which is fine as I don't have to live with the consequences. 

The org seems to be past the shock of all the departures. There is still some anxiety, but no one is asking "Am I next?" Hiring my replacement will help.

An old friend is staying at our place for a few days. He was one of my first roommates in University. 

It's good to catch up with him. We've been reminiscing and texting our old roommates. Were we as messy as we recall? Were we as impulsive with our major life decisions as it now seems?

My friend and I both started in STEM programs. Over time my friend became disillusioned with life in the corporate world. He became an activist. He first started volunteering for and later creating charities in Central and South America. He now leads a large NGO in Nicaragua. I've always admired his morals and ethics. But why Nicaragua? Even he doesn't have a great answer for that. He saw a need. He had the skills and time. So he made the choice. 

Gorgeous day today. I walked the dogs with my brother-in-law, went for a bike ride and read for a while. 

My husband is flying off to Alaska for his last work trip before we retire.

The weather has become pleasant in Seattle. The soil is now warm enough to plant the dahlia tubers that we acquired a few weeks ago. 

On social media there is "Free stuff" group for our neighborhood. About a month ago we asked if anyone had extra dahlia tubers. Within a couple days we received a garbage bag full of them. A pleasant surprise. They still need to be inspected and trimmed, but I'm looking forward to growing them, What type of dahlia are they? 

My mother-in-law's celebration of life is in about a month. Prior to his trouble with the law, our friend and his husband planned to attend.  We are wondering if they will follow through. My husband and I have discussed with with various AIs ("Act as if your are Miss Manors..." "Act as if you are Dear Abby...") they agree... We should un-invite our friend. Be kind but firm. Our priority is to the mourners and to minimize drama. 

I think (I hope) our friend's trouble is limited to the state level. 

My husband has gone down a social media rabbit hole. The video of the sting has 75K views. There are many videos of other stings in that channel. The channel owner appears to be working with the police. 

I am more detached. Our friend has made bad choices and now has poor options. Like other situations where I’ve observed addictive behavior, I struggle to understand why he went down that path. Don't do stupid things. Why is that so hard to learn?

That's easy for me to say. My life is littered with the debris of stupid choices. 

A friend of ours has got himself into much trouble. The police sting was posted on social media. He was named and shamed. If the case is as clear as it's been presented, then he could go to jail for a while.

My husband is frustrated and angry at this friend. Rightfully so. He ran a family business. Many people, including other family members, depend on him for their jobs. Our friend could also be very impulsive and has a long history of drug fueled meltdowns. 

We are close to the friend's husband and some of the extended family. We've reached out to them to offer whatever help we can.