The final dates are clear. My husband retires July 3. My last day is July 6.
Both of our jobs are winding down. Soon my husband’s corporate car will be reclaimed. I’m arranging the return of my company property.
Many of our calls start with someone asking “Will this be the last time we talk?”
Even with my impending retirement, I must stay close to a laptop or cell phone. For decades, as part of my job, I've always been in some form of on-call. In my prior job, managers will told that overnight, their phones had to be in a charger and on their bed side table. It's a little different at the current company, but not much.
Turning off my cell phone... disconnecting from the internet...these are things that I crave. I'm not going to do a internet-detox, but I do want disconnect from time to time. I don't want to check my cell first thing in the morning.
Sunday is my mother-in-law’s celebration of life. My husband and my brother-in-law are working hard on its preparations.
The event is weighing on my husband. Between writing a eulogy and preparing his mother’s ashes— spooning off some into vials for her grandkids, I can see he feels blue.
Family is flying in for the celebration. We are hosting a few. They are sharing old stories, chewing over past. The fights. The good times and the bad. The divorces and the relationships that lasted.
"Remember how Grandma saw and heard apparitions and thought she was a mystic connected to the spirit realm. I was in amazed when I was a kid... Now I think it was Lewy body dementia."
Monday and Tuesday my leads and I were in San Francisco training up my replacement. It went well. He is smart and curious.
One of my guys joked that I am in my lame duck phase. I had a good laugh.
Work finally feels like it’s winding down. I’ve encouraged my team to think through their parting requests. What conversations do they wish someone would have but won’t because it’s career limiting? What do they want to blame me for when I’m gone? I’ve been through enough reorgs to learn that you can hide a mistake every time management changes. You can’t hide too many mistakes because that looks like excuses and finger pointing. But one well chosen mistake… go for it
“This project is coming in late because the old boss didn’t put resources on it quickly enough.” No one would know the truth.
My sister in law is recovering. It will be a few days before we know how well. She has a fever and a UTI that are now under control. Sensation has returned to the parts of her body that were previously numb.
My brother is very frustrated and angry at the medical system around him. I’m not sure how to read this. Anger and frustration have always been his main tools for dealing with disagreement. He has not learnt the arts of navigating and negotiating in complex situations. My sister in law may be getting the care she needs. Or she may be in a system that is overtaxed.
I shut up about my situation. My husband and I are being spoiled in Banff. We listen to my brother vent and try to help him understand the process that’s going on around them. They may both be expecting rapid recovery, though the reality is that recovery will take weeks. It’s not easy to coach patience when she spends every waking minute in pain.
My middle brother’s wife has had a turn for the worse. She had a surgery to remove a cyst that was along her spine. A day after she was discharged from the hospital, she started to regress. They ended up life-flighting her back to the hospital. An MRI revealed a blood clot and pressure buildup in her spine. She had an emergency surgery overnight and is now recovering.
Happy Memorial Day.
Lunch with my old coworker went well. He thanked me for reaching out and lamented that he and his wife are both nerdy introverts, so they don’t have many social opportunities.
He enjoys being retired. He has to put more effort into finding something meaningful and challenging, but that’s not a bad problem.
After lunch my husband and I drove down to C3 and QJ for an afternoon bbq with the AA crowd. I enjoyed. Too many sweets.
Tommy wrote...
Your Mother-in-Law, from your description, was a Free Spirit and was directed by her own feelings and desires. Hopefully, her sons share that Spirit of Personal adventure.
My Mother-in-Law was a free spirit. It imparted very different lessons on her sons. While, they do both have a healthy spirit of personal adventure, they also have a craving for the stability and family that they never experienced as a child. By and large, they are much more balanced.
This memorial weekend is going well. The weather is cooler and cloudier. Saturday, we went on a long walk along our local beaches.
Sunday, I am having lunch with an old coworker who is "exploring retirement." We both left the big-tech-company the year before COVID. Then a few months back he was laid off. This story is not uncommon.
My mother-in-law's celebration-of-life is in a couple of weeks. My husband and his brother are busy planning. There are a surprising amount of logistics.
She had multiple ex lovers and husbands. At one point her sons started a serious discussion on which of the ex's should have their picture displayed at the celebration. My brother-in-law cracked that he wanted all the exs to be displayed in chronological order. They broke out laughing as they struggled to name them.
My actual birthday was uneventful. The weather was pleaseant.
My husband was away in Alaska for work. This was his last work trip before retirement.
My friend C2 traveled over for a dinner. We ate at a nice local fish-and-chips restaurant. Afterwards we walked along the beach, chatted and let the dog paw at all the smelly things in the sand.
