Aunt G passed last night. She is in a better place now. 

We don’t yet know the schedule for her visitation and funeral. Originally dad and I were going to fly back to Seattle on Monday. We may adjust that by a day or two.

We spent much of the morning with Uncle R— he and my father chatting, one widow to another. Uncle R and Aunt G had been together for more than 65 years. 

Today's list…

Dad and I visited Uncle R. He's grown much more accepting of Aunt G's impending death.

We drove him over to see her. Aunt G needs skilled nursing, and since their apartment is in independent living, they must be separated for now.

She's emaciated and can no longer take food or water. She did briefly open her eyes when Uncle R called her name. My father and I left them alone for a few minutes, until Uncle R was ready to go.

Several times during our visit, Uncle R asked how far Aunt G's nursing home was from his. I didn't think much of it at the time. Later we learned he'd been threatening to walk away from his apartment and squat with Aunt G. I hope it doesn't come to that. He's very frail and has dementia—it wouldn't end well.

After we drove Uncle R back, we stopped by to see some other uncles and aunts who had RV'd up to the valley to spend time with R and G.

We had lunch with them. Good conversation. They were curious about my recent retirement and my thoughts on Trump. Surprisingly, it stayed balanced and apolitical. Everyone seems clear on who Trump is, what he wants, and the consequences of his decisions.

After lunch, we dropped by Cousin A's farm and helped him remove a stump. We also borrowed a live trap—there are raccoons around Dad's house, and he wants to get rid of them.

Last night we got together for dinner with a nearby cousin. He’s a bit of a muckraker. He brought up Sunday’s overly conservative guest pastor. 

“I asked him (The guest pastor) who I should vote for, and he avoided answering my question …. He’s just another guy who wants me to be angry.”

Sometimes offering help is an act of compassion— demonstrating that you care. 

And sometimes offering help means that you think the recipient cannot complete the task on his own and needs your assistance.

This is a tension when I visit my father.

My father is an 82 year old man who lives on a gorgeous property that requires much maintenance. His property has 30 acres of bush that constantly need to be beat back as they encroach on the trails and buildings.

Today we dealt with a dead tree that was threatening to fall on a shack. This task involved cables, ladders, a chain saw and a tractor to ensure it fell safely without damaging anything. 

My father was nimble enough to do much of the work even though he is clearly slowing down. I was grateful to help. He is aware I am keeping an eye on his physical abilities. Occasionally he will make a joke “Have I passed the test? Do I get to live here a bit longer?” 

An aunt has entered palliative care.  While she may still have weeks to live, her family has started traveling to the Valley for what may be their last visits.

We visited her husband / my uncle today. They have had to be separated because her palliative care unit does not have accommodations for him. This is the first time they have been apart in decades. It’s frustrating for him. He doesn’t understand why. He has started exhibiting a bit of dementia so he has problems advocating for what he wants in healthy ways. Their children are talking the visitors through the situation, and how to manage his demands. 

My aunt is quiet. She mostly refuses to eat. She peacefully rests in her bed. 

In the 1950s, my family church was founded by Dutch immigrants. Today, half of the congregation are my blood relatives. The other half are family friends. The after-sermon coffee is a great way to catch up with people I’ve known my whole life.

The church doctrine is very conservative. Take 1 Timothy 2:12: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet." Some members take this seriously. 

I’ve had an uncle and an aunt leave our church entirely after a woman guest pastor preached there.

Don't get me started on what the Bible says about homosexuality.

Mist of congregation is welcoming. When my husband and I visit, they are warm and engaging. The conservative side pops up in the sermons. 

So when my husband and I attend, I brace myself. About a third the time the sermon will contain something that raises my eyebrows.

During today's sermon, the guest pastor went down that path. I heard my husband groan. Later, my brother said he was ready to walk out mid-sermon.

Afterward, we discussed with my father. His take? "This guy was too political. I've heard he's been asked to leave churches before."

Thank you dad! 

For the past few days we’ve been hanging out with family. Today was at an Aviation museum. 

Part of today’s excursion was to gage how much activity my father can handle. He in his 80s, slowing down and has bad knees. We want to do more things with him, but we’ve been uncertain how long he can walk.

It went well. While he did sit a few times, he largely stayed on his feet for the few hours at the museum. 

My father rarely locks the door. Also, he keeps the key in the lock so he won’t struggle to find the key should he need it. We sleep each night with the door unlocked and the key intentionally in the lock. 

This frustrates my husband. What if thieves show up? It’s a leap of faith to believe that won’t happen here. He has never lived in such a community. He is also very cautious and conservative about safety. 

I love this about our local community. It is a bit naive. It’s also they way they want to live. 

We are back in the Ottawa valley at my father’s. The heat wave has passed. There is smoke is in the air from the fires up north.

Some of my family up here is aging and in need of additional care even though they are too stubborn to admit this. My father is doing well. His hearing is on the decline, so we must ensure he is actively listening if we need him to think and participate in the conversation. 

We are working our way across Ontario visiting friends and family along the way. The heat has been oppressive so we’ve gone to museums over hiking in the outdoors

Schedule today— breakfast with a friend in Picton. Drive two hours. Lunch with cousins in Smith Falls. Drive two more hours and arrive at my father’s in time for dinner. 

We have a large amount of travel planned over the next few months. With this trip we are taking more time to have relaxed visits with friends and family where previously we needed to rush. At first I was worried that we’d get bored with the slower pace. That has not been the case. With the extra time we’ve been able to spend more time with friends. explore and discover beauty that’s always been there, but didn’t fit the schedule.

Flowerpot Island on Georgian Bay… 

We are spending the days hiking swimming and playing games. I love the smell of a fresh water lake though the pine forest. 

Bruce Peninsula National Park…

It’s gorgeous here. Went on a good hike. Had a pleasant dip in the lake. 

The old big tech company that I once worked for announced a voluntary retirement package for its most senior employees. That was followed by a round of layoffs. My social media feeds are full of former colleagues saying they’ve retired and are so grateful for their careers.

Their private emails are not so cheerful. The voluntary retirement package was not so voluntary with management vaguely hinting that some employees would be laid off if they didn’t retire.

I’m blissfully detached from this. Nor do I feel sorry for them. For decades, these people were very, very well paid. When I return to Seattle, I would like to catch up with them. I’ve known some of them as colleagues, friends and mentors since my internships in the 90s. 

Tonight’s sunset is fantastic…

Day 3 of our retirement trip

IMG_6513.mov

IMG_6509.jpeg

… we are at a cottage In Tobermory on Lake Huron. We are spending the next few days here with some of my oldest friends. This is much needed downtime. 

There will be blog posts.

Tuesday we traveled up to my home town.

Wednesday we went with bunch of my local friends to Canada’s Wonderland— a big amusement park.

It was great to hang out with them. I can’t tolerate roller coasters like I used to. My husband still loves them. 

It it also our wedding anniversary. It tickles my husband a little that we celebrated our anniversary at an amusement park. 

It's been a week of smaller celebrations— Tuesday with my brother-in-law, Wednesday with Clem and Bates, Friday with my old boss, Saturday with my husband's old boss, and Sunday with our travel friends, WS & PT. 

Today, I've had my last meetings. My access to work has been revoked. My laptop is at the courier. My retirement is now in full effect.