I have an uncle and aunt on this side of the continent. They and my father haven’t seen each other in 14 years. Age and its accompanying struggles have prevented their travel.

Today, we all had lunch together. It was heartwarming. My father was moved to tears.

Grandview park. Hazy from the fires. 

Chilliwack is lovely. It’s a rather new city and they are doing a great job keeping it attractive. 

Yesterday, dad had a 24 hour flu. He’s over it now. This is a big relief. It’s easy for my mind to spiral when caring for an 82yo man in a foreign country. 

Today we are on to the next leg of our trip… more family travel. I have relatives in southern BC and my brother is in Alberta, so we are going on a road trip to visit them and to see the sights along the way. 

We’ve been having low-key days with dad. We went to a car museum, as well as exploring the Ballard locks. 

It’s difficult for me to gauge my father’s energy level. We can stroll short distances without problem. But sometimes he’ll suddenly tell me that he needs to sit and rest for a while. 

We will need to keep our exploring to areas with benches. 

Tommy wrote…

So I am curious. You specify two pods of Orcas; how do you know if they are who they are, etc.? Who gives them their distinct pod names?

Let me see if I remember enough of what the biologist shared 

Washington State Fish and Wildlife names pods in this  state. Fish and Wildlife in California is also involved as the T in T137 means transient. In this case T137 calls California their home. Down there, California F&W calls them something else.

Orcas are matriarchal. So T137 is also the name of the matriarch of that pod. Pods can be ephemeral. They can split and rejoin. By and large the sons of a matriarch will stick with her for years. The daughters will go their own way after a year or two. 

Sons are named by sticking on a letter. Daughters with numbers. So the sons of T137 are T137a, T137b and so on. The first daughter of T137a would be T137a1

More details… https://www.orcabehaviorinstitute.org/meet-the-matrilines/t137s

Wednesday— whale watching.

We saw two pods of orcas (T137 & T75b). The T75b pod was hunting seals. At one time, we saw many seals rushing out of the ocean and onto a rocky beach while the hungry orcas cruised the shores. 

We took the scenic route back and caught the views on Whidbey Island and Deception Pass.

Tuesday morning, my father and I toured west Seattle. It’s inner harbor has Seattle’s port. The cranes offloading the container ships are enormous and powerful. It excites the construction-kid in me.

Later, I took my dad around the neighborhood. Partly to see the art, partly for an afternoon coffee and partly to see how well he can walk on hills. He handed the hills well, even though we did have to pause a few times.

Tuesday evening our luggage made its way back to us.

Of course our luggage didn’t arrive. The recharger for dad’s rechargeable hearing aids was in his luggage. So this morning, we are talking loud in the TV volume is up. 

 Tommy says… 

I don't fly anymore

I understand. Flying comes with a whole set of headaches that not everyone needs.

Our departure flight was delayed by thunderstorms. Fortunately our connecting flight was also delayed by thunderstorms. We had to race through the airport and customs to catch that flight.

We did make it on time and were the last to board. The attendants clapped as we arrived and cheered us on by name.

This was not an experience I’d wish for my father. He is mentally all there, but is slowing down. His fingers are stiff and bad at touch screens. Even though he wears hearing aids, the noise everywhere makes conversation difficult. I’m not sure he’ll fly out west again. 

These are the items I frequently check for when traveling. Some, like ID, are critical to travel. Others are conveniences that I’ve overlooked so often that I feel dumb when I leave them behind. 

ID, passports, wallet 
Electronics— cell, laptop, e-book
Chargers.
Water bottle
Weather appropriate jacket
Weather appropriate hat

I’ll do an explicit check when I leave my home or hotel— I must see each item. Other times, such as when I am getting out of a taxi, it’s enough to mentally go over the list.

When I am traveling with someone I’ll occasionally double check on their items. So many people leave water bottles behind. 

I should probably add sunglasses to the list, except I’ve lost my sunglasses so often that I don’t bother with them anymore 

I have a collection of caps and hats that only exists because I’ve repeatedly forgot to bring one along and so bought one at the destination. 

Once I left my e-book on the jet. Two months later, the airline reached out to me and returned it. That was luck.

Chargers... I have left so many chargers behind. The other way around, I’ve discovered many stray chargers in hotels and guest homes. Every now and then I’ll stay overnight at my brother’s before I fly out of Ottawa. The cell charger in his spare bedroom is one I forgot years ago. 

My last full day in Ontario. Dad and I fly back on Monday.

Today’s activities…

Investigate the garage door opener… It has been failing to close all the way. We found and fixed multiple potential causes. When we oiled some of the springs the problem abated. 

Church… We had a good pastor this morning. At coffee afterwards we caught up on the details of Aunt G’s funeral. Also, many of the parishioners are happy that dad is traveling again. It’s been ten years since he last flew. 

Afternoon visit Uncle R…. He is about as well as could be expected.

Work on Dad’s computer… Dad’s old computer is on its last legs. My brothers and I got him a new computer. I’ve been porting everything over and trying to make it look and act (saved passwords, link and app locations)  as much like the old one as possible.

I am very thankful that my father has healthy, social media and news habits. He checks Facebook about once a week. He watches the news from three different channels for no more than an hour a day. I should do the same.

Dad and I have been catching up with family.

Last night we had drinks with cousin B&M. All is well with them. They’re expecting their first grandchild soon.

This morning we had water with cousin M. He is an interesting fellow. He lives the travel van life. He preaches a bit, but his denomination can’t afford real compensation. So he travels around in his van, doing odd jobs.

His diet is more strict than vegan, hence we didn’t have the traditional coffee and cookies. We stuck with water

After cousin M left, dad expressed relief that he didn’t ask to rent a room.

In the afternoon we had a brief chat with cousin H. It sounds like the major decisions for Aunt G’s funeral have all been made. She is more relaxed. 

Cousin H and I have 36 shared cousins. She has even more on the other side of her family. She expressed frustration trying to track down the cousins to ensure they all knew of Aunt G‘s passing.

When mom passed, I did not call all of my cousins. Somehow they just found out. I am not embarrassed by my lack of etiquette.

Aunt G passed last night. She is in a better place now. 

We don’t yet know the schedule for her visitation and funeral. Originally dad and I were going to fly back to Seattle on Monday. We may adjust that by a day or two.

We spent much of the morning with Uncle R— he and my father chatting, one widow to another. Uncle R and Aunt G had been together for more than 65 years. 

Today's list…

Dad and I visited Uncle R. He's grown much more accepting of Aunt G's impending death.

We drove him over to see her. Aunt G needs skilled nursing, and since their apartment is in independent living, they must be separated for now.

She's emaciated and can no longer take food or water. She did briefly open her eyes when Uncle R called her name. My father and I left them alone for a few minutes, until Uncle R was ready to go.

Several times during our visit, Uncle R asked how far Aunt G's nursing home was from his. I didn't think much of it at the time. Later we learned he'd been threatening to walk away from his apartment and squat with Aunt G. I hope it doesn't come to that. He's very frail and has dementia—it wouldn't end well.

After we drove Uncle R back, we stopped by to see some other uncles and aunts who had RV'd up to the valley to spend time with R and G.

We had lunch with them. Good conversation. They were curious about my recent retirement and my thoughts on Trump. Surprisingly, it stayed balanced and apolitical. Everyone seems clear on who Trump is, what he wants, and the consequences of his decisions.

After lunch, we dropped by Cousin A's farm and helped him remove a stump. We also borrowed a live trap—there are raccoons around Dad's house, and he wants to get rid of them.

Last night we got together for dinner with a nearby cousin. He’s a bit of a muckraker. He brought up Sunday’s overly conservative guest pastor. 

“I asked him (The guest pastor) who I should vote for, and he avoided answering my question …. He’s just another guy who wants me to be angry.”

Sometimes offering help is an act of compassion— demonstrating that you care. 

And sometimes offering help means that you think the recipient cannot complete the task on his own and needs your assistance.

This is a tension when I visit my father.

My father is an 82 year old man who lives on a gorgeous property that requires much maintenance. His property has 30 acres of bush that constantly need to be beat back as they encroach on the trails and buildings.

Today we dealt with a dead tree that was threatening to fall on a shack. This task involved cables, ladders, a chain saw and a tractor to ensure it fell safely without damaging anything. 

My father was nimble enough to do much of the work even though he is clearly slowing down. I was grateful to help. He is aware I am keeping an eye on his physical abilities. Occasionally he will make a joke “Have I passed the test? Do I get to live here a bit longer?” 

An aunt has entered palliative care.  While she may still have weeks to live, her family has started traveling to the Valley for what may be their last visits.

We visited her husband / my uncle today. They have had to be separated because her palliative care unit does not have accommodations for him. This is the first time they have been apart in decades. It’s frustrating for him. He doesn’t understand why. He has started exhibiting a bit of dementia so he has problems advocating for what he wants in healthy ways. Their children are talking the visitors through the situation, and how to manage his demands. 

My aunt is quiet. She mostly refuses to eat. She peacefully rests in her bed. 

In the 1950s, my family church was founded by Dutch immigrants. Today, half of the congregation are my blood relatives. The other half are family friends. The after-sermon coffee is a great way to catch up with people I’ve known my whole life.

The church doctrine is very conservative. Take 1 Timothy 2:12: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet." Some members take this seriously. 

I’ve had an uncle and an aunt leave our church entirely after a woman guest pastor preached there.

Don't get me started on what the Bible says about homosexuality.

Mist of congregation is welcoming. When my husband and I visit, they are warm and engaging. The conservative side pops up in the sermons. 

So when my husband and I attend, I brace myself. About a third the time the sermon will contain something that raises my eyebrows.

During today's sermon, the guest pastor went down that path. I heard my husband groan. Later, my brother said he was ready to walk out mid-sermon.

Afterward, we discussed with my father. His take? "This guy was too political. I've heard he's been asked to leave churches before."

Thank you dad!