"Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”  -Walt Whitman

My mother-in-law was an interesting character. Her sons have been reflecting on her life. She was smart and planned ahead. She could be charming and loved being popular. She was feisty and full of life. 

I’ve added and deleted the following half a dozen times. It’s not flattering. Yet it’s there..

She was a terrible parent. She had four husbands and more boyfriends. Her sons remember a chaotic childhood with constant moving, drinking and fighting.

There was a wild trip to Mexico where everyone, kids included, got drunk on margaritas. 

Shortly after that trip, their step-father found work in Texas and moved the family there. After the move, the stepfather said he had to finish a job in California and would rejoin in a few weeks. Instead he abandoned them. He never moved to Texas. He left the family in Texas to fend for themselves.

I can only imagine her heartbreak and anger.

She once danced a man to death. One evening in Texas she went out dancing. She loved to dance. At some point in the evening her dance partner collapsed on her from a heart attack. He passed away. 

My husband shared a story from when he was 16. Their apartment lease was running out. For whatever reason, the job fell to him to find the family a new apartment. He found the apartment. He signed the lease and wrote the deposit check with his mother’s signature. He arranged the move.

My husband’s friends from childhood deeply reflect his need for stability. More than once her sons have commented on the difference between her private and public personalities. Things were always easier with their mother when others were around. This, in part, is one of the reasons they both love hosting large gatherings especially around the holidays. 

In 1990 she moved to Italy to be with someone she met on the Internet. 1990! When that ended, a friend flew her back and helped her get back on her feet. 

At the Senior Living Center, the gathering for my mother-in-law was lovely.  Maybe thirty people showed up. She had many friends. We shared stories. Every one knew she was opinionated, feisty and onery and they loved that about her. She would fight for you if you were struggling and offer her opinions if you weren’t. She always dressed well. She had high standards. She made their lives more interesting. She will be missed.