Last night I had drinks with some of the guys from work. One of the upper managers noted that the big feature for our next release wasn't ment to be. We wound up with it through a series of managment mistakes and changing priorities.

We didn't mean to do it. All the features we ment to do were killed and this was the only thing left behind.

I took it easy last night. I watched "Dogma," a comedy about two fallen angels trying to get get back into heaven and the people/angels/muses/profits trying to stop them. It's good movie for anyone who has ever stopped going to church. Dogma is an intelligent silly comedy. There are lot of crude jokes and swearing. But, the attention paid to Catholic Dogma is interesting. The writer obviously knew a lot about the church.

I had dinner with Mathew and Sandy (Mathew's boyfriend) It looks like they've worked out their differences.

Towards the end of the night, we were arguing if Mathew was narcissistic, selfish or merely spoiled. He would agree that he was spoiled and a tad selfish, but he wouldn't agree to narcissitc.

Last night Cor and I watched "Chasing Amy" a good, grown-up, evil, romantic comedy. Lot's of gay jokes. In the the end, boy and the girl don't get together and live happy ever after.

Sunday morning I drove up to Winthrope to spend the night with Mathew and his BF. I used to say "Mathew and his ex" but it looks like they worked things out and are back together.

After a series of miscommunications. (Cell phone service in Winthrope sucks) I mised Mathew. I spent the afternoon swimming by myself at a lake just north of Winthrope.

I finally met up with Mathew and his ex at 8pm. We headed back to the cabin, had a few beers, catted and then went to bed.

We drove back around noon. The weather west of the mountains was Sunny and warm. The weather east of the mountans was cool and rainy. Looks like summer has left Seattle.

Cor is in a bit of a tight spot. A couple months ago he tricked with a guy in Miami. Well, today the guy showed up in Seattle. He's spending the weekend here. Cor said he didn't want to be with the guy; he didn't want him to come here. I sort of lent a sympathetic ear. But, at the end of the day somebody said "Yes" and it wasn't me.

Cor asked me if I though the guy was attractive. He was hoping to pawn the guy off on me. The guy is attractive, but I don't feel like making Cor's life easy.

Tonight C2, Steven, Steven's boyfriend and I went to see Cirque du Soleil: Dralion. Cirque du Soleil is a circus that doesn't use animals-- all acrobats and clowns. Dralion is a good show. C2 and I lucked out and got great seats-- 4 rows from the front.

Last night I had dinner with Mathew and his Ex. We talked about going up to Mathew's cabin this weekend. Right now, I'm going to see Cirque Du Soleil (with Steven and C2) on Saturday. I was planning on going to the ocean on Sunday, but Mathew pointed out that the ocean is always cold. His cabin and lake Chilan will be hot.

We ran into Steven at the restaurant. Steven said he had been to that restaurant 8 times in the past two weeks. We chatted briefly, then Steven had to leave to sit with the rest of his party.

Afterwards I went home and played with the big-mother-printer. I finally got the ink refils for it. I printed out a few large photos and panoramas. Very nice.

Last night I watched two episodes of the new Star Trek, "Star Trek: Enterprise" It's a lame show. They really don't know how to generate excitement. Always putting the lead character in danger-- not exciting. You know he'll be back next week. Slowly reading numbers off the speedometer, "4.7.... 4.8.... 4.9..."-- Not exciting.

Now that I think about it, the show wasn't even science fiction. Nothing happened on either episode that couldn't happen on earth, right now.

I think Cor and his latest boyfriend broke up last night. At around midnight they got out of bed. I heard the boyfriend say "He just controls you." He left shortly afterwards.

I have almost no recollection of what I did on Monday. This is why I keep a journal. I remember grocery shopping and talking with Cor. I may have watched TV, which would explain my memory gap.

Tuesday I went to the annual company meeting. We didn't have a bad year. Profit was up about 9%. Not bad considering we are in a recession. After the meeting, C5 and I toured the product fair together. It was fun talking to him. He wants to set me up with a friend of his. The friend lives in SF but may be moving back to Seattle.

When I got back to work, Steven had emailed me. He said he met a nice man that lives in Vancouver, who would also be great for me. Steven and I ended up having dinner that evening.

I vented to Steven about my dating situation. The guys I want are attached, not interested or on the rebound. They guys I'm being set up with live a long ways away. He offered some sympathy. But, he's in love with a man who lives in Victoria (a $100, 3 hour ferry ride away)

Steven just bought a house close to me. So, we are going to get to be able to see each more often. Right now he has very few friends in Seattle. His boyfriend lives in Victoria and he often travels for work. So making friends in Seattle has been difficult. He's looking forward to going to a movie with a friend on the spur of the moment-- things like that.

Speaking of friends, I haven't talked to Mathew for a few days. Usually we email each other a few times a day. I've emailed him a copule of times on Monday and Tuesday, but haven't heard back from him.

Quiet day yesterday. I cleaned the house a bit. In the afternoon I hung around at Victor's Coffee for and worked.

In the evening, I went to a BBQ at Lisa's. Lisa works with Bruce on a TV show. It's a movie review show. Lisa also manages a Video Rental Store. Most of the people at the BBQ were movie buffs-- most of the conversation revolved around movies. It's a very different crowd that what I'm used to. At one point, one of the movie buffs, who works at the Video Store with Lisa said "I dream of earning $30,000.00 a year" Then there was a short conversation on living with $15,000 to $20,000 a year. I kept my mouth shut the whole time. I earn six figures and I didn't want them to know.

Later on, Bruce, C3, Lisa and I tried to play a game of "Truth, Dare, Kiss, Command or Promise." It ended up being lame. We all picked "Truth" But, we're all fairly mature and honest people (Either that or we are all very good liars) so the truths ended up being boring.

Hmm. Maybe there is 4th man on my "List of men I'd marry in a heart-beat"

Last nights party was the ususal fit bearish crowd. There were also a few people from out of town. Cor mentioned that at least 200 people were invited. There were at least 100 people at the party.

At the party I ran into Brent and Sean. Brent and Sean have been together for years. I've always thought they would be together forever. But, last night they said they just broke up. They are going to try and stay friends.

I've always really liked Brent. Now that he's available I'm going to pay more attention. He'll be on the rebound for a while, so I have to keep some distance. But, in a few months I'll ask him out.

Last night I had dinner with C2 and Cor. C2 and Cor are closer than I realized. They had lunch together on Thursday. C2 knows who Cor is currently dating. I don't

I had breakfast with C2 at Van's. Afterwards he went home to pack. He has to move out by the end of the month. I spent most of the day hanging around with Cor. Cor and I are going to a private party tonight. For the party, Cor had to find the perfect sunglasses to go with his new image (He shaved his head) We drove around Redmond and stopped at about half a dozen different places before he gave up.

He's heading out the door now. I'm going to show up later. Around 10 pm

I had lunch with Ryan today. He gave me the tour of his new company, Cranky Pants Games It sounds like things are going well with them.

I had dinner with Hugh. It was nice. Not great. Not love at first site. But still, Hugh is a nice man.

Hugh and I went to Angelino's for dinner. Mathew was supposed to go to Angelino's also, for dinner with a different friend. He called and said he wouldn't be there. He didn't want Hugh or I to feel like we were being spied on.

Mathew also asked me if I was nervous about my date.

That's weird. Mathew and his Ex really want to hook Hugh and I up. They are quietly pulling strings to get us to like each other. They've been raving about Hugh for over a week now. Acting like he's one of the hottest men around.

I'll just go slow. I don't want to jerk Hugh around. But, I don't want to dissapoint Mat and his Ex.

I bought a printer. Not just any printer. I bought a huge, wide, enormous printer. It's 4 feet tall, 5 feet wide, two feet deep. It can print photo quality images up to 42 inches wide.

I've been looking for a new printer. My old printer prints color weird and can't handle large paper. I was going to buy a normal consumer printer that could handle 13x19. I mentioned my search to C2. He said he delt with several companies that resale hardware from expired leases, belly-up dot com's and the like. He asked what models that I would be intersted in.I told him. He mentioned that it would be easier for him to find the bigger printers. I gave him the go-ahead.

The next day, he got back to me. He could get me a used HP DesignJet 500 (New Retail $2500.00) for $500.00 cash plus I had to get him a copy of the software I work on. We agreed.

Well, the printer showed up today. When C2 told me at arrived, he was laughing. He said it was huge.

"How huge?" I asked.

"Huge. Bigger than a couple of midgets."

Well, it is. It's about the same size as a love seat. Most important, it prints beautiful large pictures. But, I still laugh everytime I look at it.

Lunch with C5 went well. We talked, told a few strories and then went back to work.

Other than that, I've just been working. At the end of every day, I don't want to think-- too much work. Although, my project is getting close to completion.

I exchanged email with Hugh-- the friend of Mathew that I'm having dinner with on Thursday. Sorry John, I'm not going to post pics of him. Not yet atleast.

Tonight I had dinner with Mathew and his ex. Mathew says that he wants to have dinner alone with me, but his ex keeps inviting hiimself along. I'm not sure what's going on. I'll let them work it out.

They are setting me up with a friend of theirs. The friend is supposed to be a very nice guy. They emailed me some photos and the friend is cute, but he's got the goofy gay grin-- a minus for me. Also, I keep getting big sales pitch from them-- the friend is so nice, I'm sure to like him, I'll be suprized by what a great guy he is, everyone thinks he's handsom.

We're having dinner on Thursday.

I hope I'm not too jaded.

I was thinking about this-- there are three men in Seattle, whom, if they asked me to marry them, I'd say yes in a heart beat. Harry is one of them of course. But, Harry doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Then there is C5. I'm having lunch with C5 tomorrow, but it's just lunch. C5 is dating someone. Finally, there is Terry. But, like C5, Terry is has been with someone for the past year. I haven't seen terry since last winter.

I hope I'm not attracted to unavailable men.

I'm tired. C2 and I went for a long bicycle ride this afternoon. It was fun even though Seattle has a lot of big hills. We cycled up to the Tall Ships on lake union. Originally we wanted to go on the Tall Ships, but the lineup was over an hour. So, we took some pictures and then left.

In September C2 is moving in with IR. We had dinner with IR and the current room mate, T. It was a good dinner. IR and T both like formal dining. When I put my bread on my dinner plate, IR corrected me and showed me the bread plate.

C2 isn't big on formatlity I wonder how he and IR will get along.

IR and T warned C2 about all the odd things that happen at IR's house. A 300lbs shut in lives next door. The neighbour across the street often watches IR and T have dinner. Another neighbourhood family are secular Jews who can only talk to Jewish people.

IR and T claim that IR's house has a ghost. They see or hear it about once a month. They wanted to warn C2 in advance. IR didn't warn T about the ghost before T moved in. T ended up being kind of freeked the first time he saw it. But, the ghost is harmless, so T is fine with it now.

I'm not sure that I believe in ghosts.

Some of the photo's from last weekend's road trip at http://home1.gte.net/res0ci8w/index.htm

Not all the photos are there yet. I'm still learning how to get photo shop to make websites.

This building, is the bathroom that cost a million dollars. This is the view from the bathroom

Friday night I went to the Eagle. I ran into Brian. We chatted for a while. Things are going good with him.

Saturday I worked out and Kayaked on Lake Samamaish. In the evening, I had dinner wtih C2 at the Broadway Grill. Afterwards we went to the Cuff.

I ran into Harry at the Cuff. This is the first time I've seen him since he stopped returning my calls. I'm not sure what happened. When he walked in, he pointed me out to someone. I walked by him later on and we said "Hello" but not much else.

I still feel regret when it comes to Harry. I wish things would work between us. But, I don't think it's in the cards.

Last night my brain kind of gave out. It hurt to think or concentrate. I went home at 7:30pm (Only a 10 hour day) ate dinner and then drove to a theater and saw Minority Report It's a good movie.

Today at work, we made tie-died T-Shirts. I guess the whole team is stressing out, and they wanted to do something fun to relax us.

I've been working a lot. I got home after 10pm on both Tuesday and Wednesday.

We have a big deadline a week from today. Crunch time. I hate it when work gets like this. Especially when the weather is as beautiful as it is now.

I got sick yesterday so I went home from work and slept. It was also Mathew's birthday. So in the evening, I had dinner with him.

We've been pooling the photos from our road trip. There are hundreds of them. This has to be the most over photographed road trip I have ever been on.

In addition to the road trip photos, Cor put some other photos on my hard drive that he needs copied to CD. After he did this, he wrote C2 and I, "Between you guys, please do not distribute or make any comments to anyone on the folder “My Art and Furniture”. That can bring problems for me…Thanks,"

Of course C2 and I immediatly made a copy of the folder. I didn't see anything incriminating. Just pictures of art and furniture.

I've had an incredible weekend. I went on a road trip with Mathew, Cor and C3. We left Saturday morning, spent Saturday evening at Mathew's cabin, and came back on Sunday. I'll put some photos up shortly.

So much happened. If I listed everything I did, I would ramble on and on and on-- and then we hiked here, and then we saw this, and then we ate there, and the we saw that, and then we talked about something...

We did a few short hikes on the way up, including a stop off at the $3,000,000.00 dollar rest stop that caused a scandal in WA a few years ago. It was a beautiful rest stop.

Mathew's cabin-- Mathew always let on his cabin was in pretty rough shape. But, it's not. It looks like he just moved in and hasn't unpacked yet-- it's looked like that for the past 2 years. If he unpacked, it would be a good log cabin. It was full of really nice stuff; leather sofas, nice mattresses, expensive stereos, good art, a machine shop, computers. Mathew said it's the leftovers from his past, straight life. He hasn't bothered to sort through it yet.

It didn't matter that the cabin was full of stuff-- we hauled some mattresses outdoors and slept under the stars. The Perseid Meteor Shower is starting. We didn't see many shooting stars though, only about a dozen.

Sunday morning we swam and had a picnic at Chilan Falls. Cor lied on the beach and tanned. C2, Mathew and I swam up river a bit, found a private cove and skinny dipped.

When we drove back we had a late lunch in Leavenworth. Leavenworth is a tourist trap town where every building looks Bavarian. It was Cor's first time though Leavenworth, so he had a good laugh.

I'm just happy now.

Tonight I had dinner with C2, T&J, Mathew and Cor at Siam's. Good conversation. Cor got a call half way through dinner-- some guy called him up to say that he loved Cor. Cor got the guy to repeat it so that I could here it. Whatever.

Today I got an Infrared filter for my camera. I'm going to try taking some infra-red photos this weekend. I'm looking forward to that.

Mathew, C2 and I are going east of the mountains this weekend, We'll spend Saturday night at Mathew's cabin. We are also hoping to see the Perseid Meteor Showers, but it may be too early. It doesn't peak till the 12th.

Tonight I had dinner at the 5 spot with Steven. Things are going well with him. He can't see his BF this weekend, so he my come along with Mat, C2 and I.

This should be a fun weekend.

Today I got my new Canadian passport. I lost my old passport over a year ago. It's kind of wierd. Two weeks ago, before the green card and the passport, if I wanted to quit my job I would have had to leave Seattle and move back to Cananda. Because I didn't have a valid passport, flying around the U.S. was a pain. Traveling to Cananda and then re-entering the U.S. was a no-no

Now that I have both a green card, and a passport, I can travel and work anywhere in Canada and the U.S.

I see doors opening up. Maybe I'll go to Vancouver this weekend.

Wednesday night I played hockey. We lost 5 to 3. We played well. We were down 4-3 with 30 seconds left. We pulled our goalie, but they manged to get the puck around us to score.

Wednesday was the last night of regular season play. Playoffs start next week. Even though we are last place, we play in the playoffs. It's just not likely that we will win.

Mathew is back. Tonight I had dinner with he and his ex.

I've known for a while that Mathew doesn't like his mother. I found out tonight that he never calls her "mom." He only refers to her by her first name.

Over dinner, it became clear that Mathew is keeping many secrets from me. His ex started to tell me a story about a woman friend, but Mathew cut him off, stressing it was personal information and if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. From the sounds of it, before the ex was cut off, Mathew has been married three times. Not just the two times I know of. It sounds like Mathew is still married to his 3rd wife.

I know that everyone has their secrets. But, I don't like proof of it being shoved in my face. Now, when I listen to Mathew, instead of thinking "What is Mathew saying?" I'll think "What does Mathew want me to think? What is he hiding?" I don't like being cynical like that.

Mathew and his ex want to hook me up with a friend of theirs. I briefly met the friend last Friday, but I don't remember what he looks like. Apparently the friend is a really nice guy and has a great body. We'll see.

I worked late tonight, ate left overs, worked out and surfed the web

Two fun places to go... Strong Bad's Email and Shockwave

The spool of floss is dead. Long live the spool. Ten years ago, when I was a student living in Toronto, I bought a very large spool of floss. I have finally used the last piece of the floss. I'm kind of glad. Toward the end, the waxed threat had sort of melted together and you really had to pull at it to get it loose.

Yeah, I'm having one of those days.

I haven't heard from Mathew. I think he's hiding at his cabin up in Winthop. Last week he was stressing out and talking about quiting his job. I'm going to go to his cabin this weekend to see if he wants to chat.

Cor is back. He's spent the past week in Miami, selling his house. He told me about some of his Miami conquests. He also mentioned that he doesn't like Seattle-- not exciting enough for him.

I went out to the Cuff tonight. I ran into C6, and his ex J. At seperate times, both C6 and J asked me out. This puts me in an awkward position. C6 and J had a very bad breakup and they still are not talking to each other. If I went out with one, the other would take it as an insult. This is a shame, because both I like both of them.

Right now I don't think I should go out with either of them. I should wait until things cool. That could be a year or more.

Friday night, C2, Bruce and I had dinner at Siams. Afterwards, I went to the Cuff, and to the Eagle. I ran into very few people that I knew.

Satuday was a do nothing sort of day. I bought groceries, farted around on the computer, worked out and made dinner. C2 came over for diner and we watched "Black Hawk Down"

C2 is going through a lot of stress right now. His life is going ok, but some friends and family are crumbling. His father's marriage is breaking up and his father is broke-- lost a lot of money in the stock market. C2's brother was just commited to a mental institution.

Also, B, a good friend of C2's, has been detained twice in the past week. Last Saturday, B went out drinking. Rather than drive home, B slept in her van. Some police came across her, charged here some sort of drinking charges and brough her to jail. B called C2 at about 6 in the morning and got him to pick her up.

Then last Thursday, B got really drunk (B has a drinking problem) and decided to tell her therapist and another friend that she was going to commit suicide. The therapist called the cops. The cops entered B's house and draged here off to the hospital. C2 said that B had sort of slit her wrists-- it was more like a cat had repeatadly scratched her wrists, than she actually slit them. B called C2 at around midnight and asked him to get her out of the hospital. He tried, but the hospital wouldn't release her till the next morning.

As far as C2 is concerned B has no plans to kill herself. She just wants attention. I think that B needs to stop drinking and start going to A.A.

C2 has decided to not answer the phone after 11pm and before 8am. No good can come of it.

I had lunch with C5 today. He drove. When he dropped me off, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Later I got this email from him...

Barry,

Thanks again for a great lunch -- I always enjoy talking to you. If I seemed a little taken back in the car just before you got out, it was because I didn't expect it. I wish I had because I would have reciprocated :-) (remind me next time to lighten up)

Looking forward to our next lunch...

Now C5 is dating someone. I don't know how serious it is. But still, I'm attracted to C5. For now, I'll just put effort into getting to know him better. If things stick between C5 and BF, then I'll have a good friend. If they don't... I cross that bridge when I get there.

Another Candian I work with, who was approved for a green gard 5 months after me, also got his green card yesterday. It's like someone at the INS said "Let's do the state of Washington today."

I got my green card! I'm a Canadian. I've been in the U.S. on a work visa. For the past 5 years have been trying to get my green card.

Today when I checked my mail-- there it was.

Now I can quit my job and I don't have to flee the country. I don't think I'll do that yet, but it's nice to have options.

I'll still can't vote, but hey, there are worse things.

Bleah. Played hockey tonight. We lost. I don't know what the score was. But it wasn't close.

Only half the team showed up. Some friends of a team-mate had their equipment, so we let them play. That gaves us 3 men on the bench. To play a good game you need at least 5 men on the bench. Eight is even better. With only 3 spares you get tired out very quickly.

Then, two of our players got game misconducts and had to leave the ice. That left us with one man on the bench.

We tried to slow the game down whenever possible, but it was just so easy for the other team to skate fast and tire us out.

Here are the photos.

C2 and took the pictures from our weekend trip, and put them on the web. We're trying to goad other people into doing things with us. Hopefully the pictures will help.

I worked late last night. I'm working on a Help Wizard for the next version of our product. It's really boring and I'm having motivation problems.

Last night at the Cuff I ran into Brian, my ex.

His life is still as complicated as ever-- he's involved with two or three lawsuits and is still unemployed.

He said on a typical day he get's up at about 10am and goes to the gym for a couple of hours. By the time he returns, he has several messages from different lawyers or arbitration judges asking him questions and wanting him to call back. Then he spends the afternoon returning the calls.

He just beat another charge. A few months ago, at 6am, after an all night party, he dropped a friend off in a bus zone because the friend needed to use the bus. A police officer pulled Brian over and tried to get him to take a field sobriety test and a breathalyzer. Brian refused.

They tried to put Brian in jail, but they couldn't because he hadn't done anything wrong.

At the trial, since Brian wasn't pulled over with probable cause, he was found not guilty. Brian said the prosecutor was livid. When the judge threw out the bulk of the evidence, the prosecutor threw his papers up in the air and shouted "Why don't we give Mr Brian everything he wants."

I am so over Brian. He's still cute, and I feel an attraction when I first see him. But after talking to him, it always goes away. I want to live a nice quiet life.

I had a busy weekend. Saturday C2 and I went camping.

First we drove to Ross lake and hiked around the Ross lake dam.

Next we drove to the memorial for the 30 mile fire. Last year there was a large forest fire by Winthrope. 4 people died in it. We went to their memorial. It's a very sad story. The people were only a few hundred feet from a river, but couldn't get to it because of the smoke and fire.

We spent the night at Lake Alta State Park

Sunday we drove around Lake Chelan. There is another forest fire near Chelan-- The deer plains fire. We tried to get to it, but couln't. We could see the smoke over the mountains, but all routes to it are blocked off.

We stopped off at the Chelan Falls Park. There was no one there, so I went skinny dipping. It was fun. The water was beautiful. I couldn't convice C2 to get in.

We drove back to Seattle in early afternoon. Where it was sunny and warm around Lake Chelan, it was cool and raining in Seattle.

Our team at work saw "Austin Powers in Goldmember" on Friday. I have mixed feelings about this movie. Some parts of it were very very funny. Some parts of it were very very stale. I give it 6 out of 10. Worth a manitee-- just to see the subtitles joke and the peeing statue joke.

Oh yeah, we finally get to see the "sharks with frik'n laser beams."

Had dinner with C2, J, Mathew and Mathew's ex. It was good. Judging from the way Mathew and his ex were talking, I don't think they will be getting back together.

We went to the cuff afterwards. Two guys from Dallas wanted to have a threesome with me. I said no.

Afterwards I went to the Eagle. They've remodeled. I'm not sure I like it better.

On the way home the moon was bright. I stopped off at Lake Samamish to take pictures of the moon reflecting on the lake. I think I got a few good ones.

I Thursday I had lunch with Bruce and C2. C2 and I have decided to see the lake Chilan Fires this weekend.

Thursday afternoon I had a meeting with the Korea.com people. It was weird, the Korea.com people don't speak English so all the conversation had to go through a translator. One of the Koreans had this bad habit of saying "Yes" every time an English speaker paused. It made it look like he understood what we were saying, but he didn't.

Thursday night Cor and I watched Black Hawk Down on DVD. It's a good war movie.

Cor is away for a couple of weeks. He's going to Miami for work, and to close his house.

Played hockey last night. We list 8 to 4. Oddly enough it was the best game we played all summer.

The team is offically falling apart. At least 3 guys have said they won't be returning in the fall. Most of the rest are non-commital.

Last night I had dinner with Mathew. Went to the Foghorn. Good food.

Afterwards we took a walk along the Lk Washington waterfront. The weather was beautiful and warm Some people were swimming. Two women, fully clothed, jumped into the lake.

Next week, Mat and I are going to have dinner along Lk Washington again. We are going to bring our swimming trunks, so we can go swimming afterwards.

Things are going ok with Mathew-- just the usual amount of drama. He's decided to quit his job. He's moving out of his parents house. His reconciliation with his BF is going a bit bumpy. Right now the BF wants to be able to see other men. Mat is almost willing to concede him that only because he knows that the BF will never sleep around.

Sigh. I have crabs. Well, hopefully that's now past tense.

I noticed that I was itching. I looked around my body and found a few of the beasts. I ran out to the drugstore and bought a bottle of Rid. That's embarrassing.

To try and hide my purpose, to dilute the embarrassment, I also bought about a dozen other things-- recordable CD's toilet cleaner, batteries and scrub pads. I was trying to send out the signal "I need many things. Oh, a bottle of Rid would be good to have on hand. For an emergency. Not that I need it now"

Why do all the anti-crab/lice medications have "Lice" printed on them in large words. It just makes it worse.

At the checkout, the clerk fumbled with the bottle of Rid for a few seconds . I made sure I didn't touch him when I picked up my bag. Not that crabs are transmitted that way. I didn't want to worry him.

Afterwards I covered myself head to toe with Rid and did lots of laundry. I'm glad that Cor is away on business.

I get to do it all again in seven days.

I wonder who gave these to me? Allan is the obvious culprit. But, I'm a fairly hairy man. I could have picked them up from a public toilet. In which case, I may have given them to Allan. Hmmm. Do I call him and tell him?

Sigh.

Sunday, C2 and I went to "Wild Waves" a water and amusent park south of Seatte. We had a lot of fun. Some of the lineups were long, I think we went on as many waterslides after 5pm as before 5pm, thanks to the shortened lines.

We also went on a roller coaster. The over-the-shoulder-safety-bar was an inch to low for me, so I was very uncomfortable. The actual ride was fun.

After the Wilde Waves, C2 and I had dinner at Siams and then read "Savage Love" This weeks column was about sex and siblings-- incest, dating the sister of a good friend, catching your brother beating off. I'm sure Dan Savage makes Ann Lander's roll in her grave...

Allan came over Friday night. The three of us (Cor, Allan and I) went to see Eight Legged Freaks a good monster movie.

Allan spent the night. It was nice.

I think Cor went out. Allan and I wolk up the next morning at 8am. Cor was gone.

At lunch, Allan went to a rugby pratice at a park near here. I worked out, and then watched the last half of the pratice. Rugby looks fun.

One sour note. Something happened during the scrimage at the end of the practice. The coach and Allan got into an argument. After the scimage we were supposed to go to a BBQ with the rest of the rugby team, but Allan said he was in a bad mood, and wanted to be alone for a while. So, I said goodbye.

Later on, I got an email from him apologizing for mood.

In the evening, I went over to Bruce's and watched Amélie with him. This is the 3rd time I've seen Amélie and I still like it. Bruce and I talked about the rugby BBQ. Bruce has signed up for the rubgy team, so he went to the BBQ for a while. He said that there were naked men in the hot tub and he asked me why I didn't go.

I don't know what I'm going to do with Allan. I'll take it slow and see what happens. Already I'm in a "Whatever" sort of mood with him.

Had dinner with Mathew. We went to the Captial Club. Great food, a bit overpriced.

Afterwards we went up the Cuff. It was the birthday of a friend of Mathew. The lolipop guild was there (4 bears who are all 5'6'') Behind their backs, Mathew started making pigmy jokes... "I keep expecting one of them to haul out a blow-dart, and shoot me!" Mathew can be very mean. He's not like that when he's alone with me, but when he get's going with his friends-- watch out. I wonder what he says about me behind my back.

Played hockey tonight. We lost 5-3. The team is starting to fall apart. At the end of the game, one of our players got in a fight with the ref and earned a game suspension. Later on he resigned from the team. Another player bitched the first out for not controlling his temper. It's one thing to be angry. It's another to whup-ass on the refs.

Allan watched the hockey game. He said he enjoyed it. Afterwards we had dinner at Rock Bottom and talked about hockey and rugby. He plays rugby, and wants me to join the team. It's a big commitment. Games or practices are every Saturday plus one weeknight. On top of that many of the regular games are in Oregon or Idaho-- this makes it a weekend commitment just to play a game of rugby.

There is some kind of commotion outside my house. There is a large water-shed just to the south. About 10 cop cars have surrounded the water-shed, and a helicoptor with a spotlight is above. I don't see anything in the news. I'll look again tomorrow.

"Dates"

I had lunch with C5 today. I have a bit of a crush on C5 but he's seeing someone. I try to play it cool. But still, I approach it like a date. I make sure I dress attractive, I find a cool restaurant to go to and I spend a few minutes before hand recalling interesting stories to talk about.

I got this back from him...

> Barry,
> Thanks for a great break from work today. I always enjoy talking to you. Let's try to make our lunch "dates" more often.
> Later,
> C

The down side of having a crush on someone is that I can't take what they say at face value. I have to analyze it and pick at the words. Why did he put "dates" in quotes? Did he want to make sure I interpreted "lunch dates" as "lunch friendship-dates" by stressing the "dates" part, or did he want me to interpret "lunch dates" as "lunch romantic-dates" by stressing the "dates" part. Or am I being obsessive, and he being coy?

Sunday morning I had breakfast with C2 at Glo's in Seattle. We talked about money he felt me out about how much I had. He's been playing the stock market. A few weeks ago he was up tens of thousands of dollars. Now he's lost it all.

I didn't do much Sunday afternoon. Sunday evening I had a date with Allan. It went ok. Allan is an attractive, fairly interesting man. He's an muscian, opera singer and music teacher. Right now he doesn't have a full time job. He said he's got enough money to last till February.

He lives in a small studio aparment with a room mate. My bedroom is larger than their whole aparment. I didn't tell him that.

I spent Friday night and most of Saturday in Olympia at a work-friends place. He and his brother inherited a large house on Ward Lake. His brother is a parapelgic so my friend goes to Olympia every weekend to spend time with him. It's a quiet life. He really appreciates the company.

Satruday evening I went to B&M's for a BBQ and Badmonton tournament. The badminton tournament is the only time of the year they can shout "cock" jokes. B&M actually managed to get pink shuttlecocks with white heads.

"That little cock goes far!" "It's all in how you use it."
"The cock is in the bush."
"Why are you taking so long? Let me play with the cock too."
"Barry's a cock hog."
"You know... cock jokes never get tired."

Cor didn't come home last night.

Played hockey tonight. We lost 6-3.

Afterwards the team Captain, Colin, and I had a few beers. Colin was in a chatty mood. He told me that he's HIV+. He also told me that we have the same taste in men. Colin and I have dated a few of the same guys. He said he had a date with John the fireman, whom I dated last October. He also said spent an evening with Master Mark. Mark told Colin that Mark and I went to a football game together. I wonder how much else he told Colin.

After I came home, I chatted with Cor for a while. When Cor headed off for bead I said "Goodnight."

Cor turned to me and said, "You know, you don't have to say goodnight to me. We can sleep together. That would be nice."

I told him no, and we joked about the offer for a bit. Then he told me it was ok, that he had sex earlier that night.

Don't I feel special.

After 34 years of living on the farm, my parents have moved. My mother just emailed me the new phone # and address. This is weird. The old phone number, the old home, the river that ran through the farm, my bedroom; these were things that were always there for me, that always felt like they were mine and would always be there.

Now they are just a memory.

I had dinner with Mathew tonight. Right now his life has a lot of drama in it He's not overly happy with that, but he's rolling with it.

We joked a bit about the lollypop guild. Mathew and I know a group of guys who are all 5'6'' and under. These guys jokingly call themselves the Lollypop Guild. Now, Mathew is 6'4''. I'm 6'6''. When we stand around the guild, we feel weird, like we're around small children.

It turns out that Mathew and George did have sex with each other. George has a partner and is in an open relationship. But, George didn't follow the rules with Mathew. So when the George's partner found out, (not sure how) it hurt the partner's feelings. Now George and Mathew can't spend time with each other. Mathew says he feels a bit like a home wrecker. He didn't mean to hurt the partner. He also put some of the blame on George. After all George is in an open relationship. He should have followed their rules, whatever they may be.

I'll never get involved with an open relationship. Too complicated.

Mathew also talked about getting back together with his ex. Blah Blah Blah, his ex is very cute. blah blah blah during the time they've spent apart, they've both learnt and grown.

I think that Mathew should get back together with his ex. Even if they don't work out, at least it will clear up Mat's feelings for his ex. The promise of love is hard to ignore.

Word Games and Stupid Gay Drama.

When I write here, I change the names to protect privacy. Well, I have to use a real name for this story, because it revolves around word play with his first name.

My friend's real name is Hunter. Hunter's ex's new boyfriend has a personal web site called Zesty On the front page of Zesty, you'll find two lists called "Sneers and "Cheers" Last week Hunter appeared under the "Sneers" list. Hunter was a bit pissed at that, so he called Zesty up, and got him to remove his name.

Well Zesty removed Hunter's name and replaced it with "la busco" At the time Hunter was satisifed. Then Cor translated. "la busco" means "one who searches or hunts for something feminine" (Because 'la' is feminine) or "A hunter of the feminine.". It also loosly mean "Mother Fucker" Hunter is of course very pissed off at Zesty.

This is so dumb. Why can't my stories be about me and my friends achieving great goals? How did I get involved with petty drama? Party of me wants to make new friends. But, mostly I like Hunter. For the most part he's a good constructive man. He's changing lately; becomming more bitter. I'll have to ask him about that.

A few days back I met a guy on the internet. Monday night I had drinks with him. He's a nice guy, but it's not going anywhere.

I went out to the Cuff Sunday evening. The Cuff has bumped up Sunday beer bust prices from $0.75 a pint to $1.00 a pint. I heard a rumor that they lost $15,000 over Gay Pride. They brought in about 5 medium-name acts (Taylor Dayne & CeCe Pensiton among others), but because it started raining, the crowds they were counting on didn't show up.

It was a genric sort of cruisy night at the Cuff. I met two guys who want to have dinner sometime. Both of them are nice, but they are definatly more attracted to me than I am to them.

I also ran into a guy who knew that I met Tom, the cop, from Portland. We were talking and he hinted that we had a common friend. I asked who. He said "Portland." and took a sip of beer.

I replied "Tom?" He spat his beer out all over me and laughed. He was very suprised I figured it out so quickly.

Last night, C2, Rob, JR and I went to the "Black Forest Party" at Camp TRC, a gay campground. The Black Forest Party is a leather party they hold every summer. The party wasn't bad but camping was more fun. Our neighbours at the campground were very friendly. They let us use their stove and cutlery. Rob and JR hadn't been camping in years, so they didn't bring their own. Fortunatly I brought enough food for the four of us.

For the most part, the party was fun. There was one big low point; C2 and I saw a guy fall into a bonfire. The guy was very drunk and stumbling around. He tripped walking by the fire and fell in on his side. Some people next to him quickly grabed him and pulled him out. After icing his burns, someone drove him to the hospital.

There was a lot of sex at the party. I didn't participate, but I did watch. Rob got laid.

I think I've had enough of gay camping for this year. The next time I go out, I'm going to go to a regular campground. The only problem is that C2 generally doesn't want to camp. He's ok with going to Camp TRC, because it's gay and it's 1 hour a way. We can leave here by 6pm, be setup by 7:30, dinner over by 8:30 and then chat and drink. Just like going to a gay bar. I on the other hand want to camp-- to be outside and away from people.

Had dinner last night with C2 and a friend of his; Rob. It was good but a quiet. Rob isn't a big talker.

Afterwards, we had coffee together and went to the Cuff.

C6 was at the Cuff. I kissed him hello. He said "That kiss wasn't as good as the last kiss you gave me." So I kissed him very passionatly. Afterwards he said "Woof!" C6 sometimes hints that he has a crush on me. He also says he's not ready for another relationship and probably can't fall in love right now. So, I'm trying to nurture his crush without presuring him to date. I don't know where this will go. I like C6.

Last night Cor ended it with the guy he met on Wednesday. Cor got home late-- maybe 4am. I thought I heard voices in his bedroom, but he left while I was out of the house. Many of us are in aw at Cor's ability to meet and dump new guys on a weekly basis-- not just for a one night stand, but to spend several days together and then dump.

Cor tried to end it with the Columbian from NY, but the Columbian got real angry at him and is flying to Seattle later on in July.

On Thursday I had lunch with C2 We're going camping on Saturday night.

In the afternoon, I cleaned the house and worked out.

I went out for drinks Thursday night. I met a guy who started buying me many tequila shots. He was trying to get me drunk to take me home. I got very sick off of the shots and went home by myself. I'm not hung over today, probably because I threw up last night.

I'm too old to drink like that.

Cor's spent all day with his new friend. I don't know the guys name, but he's a security manager for Nordstroms.

Last night was like something out of a soap opera.

Bruce sent around an email saying that he and C3 were going to the Cuff and he invited us all along. Of course Bruce and C3 never actually made it to the Cuff.

Mathew spent a lot of time talking to his ex. At one point Mathew said he was walking around with a hard-on because his ex was very cute.

My ex, Brian, was there. Brian is looking hot-- but for all the wrong reasons. He's unemployed right now so he has the time to go to the gym everyday. It's paying off. His body is looking good. We talked and I seriously considered getting back together with him. But after a while I remembered all the reasons I fell out of love with him. That, plus the fact that he may be homocidally violent made it easy for me to go home alone.

Cor didn't make it home last night. I saw him heavily flirting with three different men.

Cor dumped Bill, the nice guy from Portland.

Cor was dating 3 guys. He has a 25yo Columbian from NY. He has a guy in Boston whom he married in Vermont and he had Bill. Last night Cor and I talked about his dating problems. I pointed out that unless he was going to have an open relationship, he would have to get rid of two of the guys.

Tonight Cor said he followed a bit of my advice and got rid of Bill. I'm kind of surprised he got rid of Bill. Bill was the bird in the hand, so to speak.

A James Bond movie was on TV. When the theme played, Cor did a little dance and tore up a card from Bill.

Mathew and I had dinner tonight. Mathew's ex is trying to get back together with him. They were meeting for drinks after our dinner. Mathew has a real mean side to him. I know he wants to cut up and insult his ex. I told him the best way to handle it was to play it cool, to act like he didn't feel for his ex; not love, not hate, not bitterness.

After dinner I played hockey. We lost 9-6. They had a guy who was professional caliber. He was a cut above everyone on our team. He could score at will and easily skate around our best players.

Back to the grind...

I was supposed to play hockey Monday night, but the scheduler double booked the ice. Now we're playing tonight. Unfortunatly, when I thought we were playing on Monday, I scheduled a dinner with Mathew on Tuesday. I think I'll have dinner with Matthew instead of canceling and playing hockey.

Mathew said George may come to dinner as well. Hmmm. I wonder if something is up between those two.

I had lunch with Bruce, C2 and George. We had a long conversation about drugs. It sounds like George has used almost everything. He said he's constantly looking for a new drug because all the old drugs don't affect him as much as they used to. Bruce seams to be into popers and perscription drugs. He can talk for hours about Viagra and Oxycotin.

Are drugs becomming more popular or have I beeing living in a hole? I'm still not going to try them. After seeing the O.D. in L.A. you couldn't pay me to take them.

So Cor did spend the weekend with Bill, the nice guy for Portland.

For my vacation I drove down the coast to L.A. to visit my friend Andy. I relaxed, partied a lot and tramped around a bit. Just to get it out of my system.

I started driving Tuesday afternoon-- June 18th. I made it to Portland by Tuesday evening. I met a nice guy there-- Tom. Tom is a Traffic Cop.

Wednesday I drove from Portland to the Pacific coast and started down Hwy 101. It is a beautiful drive. I stopped at a few beaches and walked along the ocean. I spent Wednesday night at a little motel by the ocean. I don't remember where. It was about 10:30pm. I saw a vacancy sign. So, I stopped and got a room.

Thursday I continued driving down the coast. There are very few radio stations along the southern Oregon coast so I set my radio to 'scan' For a long time received nothing. Then over the radio I heard "The brilliance of the sun delights and blesses us all." Then the radio station cut out. It was a weird surreal moment.

By Thursday evening I made it to San Francisco. I had a beer at the Lone Star Saloon. A very effeminate bear chatted me up. He bragged to me that he was on the cover of "American Bear" magazine. I guess he thought that made him very desirable. As if to emphasize that point, he told me a story of a guy who, a few months ago, didn't want to have sex with him because he was HIV+. But, since he appeared on the American Bear cover, the guy emailed him a few times, wanting to get together.

I left the Lone Star and went to the Eagle. A couple of Ok bands were on stage. I listened to them for a couple of hours and then went back to the hotel.

Friday morning I was tired of driving a long the coast. I went inland and took the I-5 down to L.A. I finally got to my friend Andy's place at around 6pm.

After Andy and I had dinner, he sent me off to the Faultine. Andy likes hairless twinks. I prefer regular men. So, we never agree on what clubs or bars to go to.

Andy lives a very different life than I do. He has no qualms about going to orgies, having open relationships, or just sleeping around. I met Andy about five years ago when he lived in Seattle. He didn't like Seattle because there wasn't enough sun and men. Now that he's in L.A. he's definitely taking advantage of both.

Some things concern me about Andy. He is chasing a 25yo guy named Rob. Rob is with another man. Rob would like to leave the other man for Andy, but Andy won't let Rob take drugs-- Rob's current partner lets Rob have all the drugs he wants.

Drugs seam to be very popular in L.A. Especially in West Hollywood. Sunday was L.A. pride and Andy's friend Frank threw a Pride party. One of the guests had a drug overdose (Probably GHB and Alcohol) I was no more than ten feet from the collapse and saw the whole thing. The guy fell and hit his head on the way down. Then for the next few minutes he went into seizures. He bit his tounge and some blood came out of his mouth. They managed to get a wooden spoon into his mouth so he could chomp down on that.

Someone called 911.

Next, the guy went rigid. Every muscle in his body pulled tight. After a minute of that, he started to relax. He was breathing very deeply and regularly, but he was still very out of it.

Finally the paramedics arrived. The guy started to come out of his stupor. He crossed his legs his legs like he was trying to act casual and normal. He still wasn't answer the paramedics questions like "What's your name?"

After a few more moments he started to talk and sit up. The paramedics wanted to carry him out, but the guy wanted to walk. When the paramedics tried to hold him and support him, the guy panicked and tried to flee. He started screaming at the top of his lungs "Ahhhh! You can't take me away! Ahhh! You can't arrest me!" This went on for a long time. It took 10 paramedics and fire fighters to hold the guy down and tie him to a stretcher. They couldn't sedate him because they didn't know what he was on.

I don't know how long it was before they finally took him away. Andy and I have never done drugs (Except Pot) We both agreed there was no reason to start.

A few days later Andy, Frank and I had dinner together. Frank told us the rest of the story. The guy had just become a Dean of a College in Alabama. He had a boyfriend who didn’t condone his drug use, but let the guy travel around to party and get it out of his system. The guy didn’t remember anything that happened that day. The police weren’t going to charge the guy. He should be very grateful for that. His career would be over.

I just re-read the above story. Everything I write after this seems insignificant.

Monday night Andy and I saw The Importance of Being Earnest. A good movie, especially if you like Oscar Wilde. Afterwards Andy and I skinny dipped in Andy's pool. We moved to the hottub and started drinking gin and tonics. We started talking and bull shitting and gossiping and teasing. That's the thing I miss most about Andy-- the conversation. Eventaully, Andy brought me another drink and asked "What time do you think it is?" I thought it was about 12:30am, but said 1:00am. Andy smiled and told me to look at a clock. I got out of a hot tub and looked at the kitchen clock. It was 3:30am. I didn't believe that clock so I went to my bedroom. It also said 3:30am. I wented back to the hot tub. The two of us laughed about the time.

We went to bed by 4:00am. We both wolk up hung over. For a few days afterwards when ever we went anywhere, one of us would quip "Wouldn't gin and tonic be good right now?" and the other would mock vomit.

During the Day I hung around Andy's pool, swam, read and relaxed. We took day trips to a few places. We saw an Andy Warhol exhibit. I learnt that I don't like Andy Warhol.

Wednesday night, Frank, Andy and I had dinner together. Afterwards Frank took me on a tour of the bear bars of L.A. And, after that, he brought me to a Sex Club. It was ok. It smelt bad. I did get laid.

I left L.A. Friday morning. Originally I was going to spend Friday evening in San Francisco. But, I didn't. I had enough of the fast, cruisy life. I drove on to Lake Shasta and spent the night there.

I made it to Portland by late afternoon on Saturday. I called Tom up and we had dinner. He's a good man, but it's going to be hard to spend time with him. He's on a retrograde schedule, so his free time doesn't always line up with the weekends. Also, Portland is three hours away from Seattle.

I'm home. It was a great trip. A long trip too. I'm going to shower and hit the sack. I'll fill in the trip details later.

I can hear that Cor has someone in his room. I wonder if he's new or if he's the nice guy that Cor met a few weeks ago.

Today was a long Party day. I spent Saturday night in Portland. I drove up to Seattle and had a late lunch with Bruce and C3. Afterwards I went to the Seattle Gay Pride Party at the Cuff. I ran into Mathew and George and spent most of the evening with them. For a while it was pouring rain. The three of us drove to George's place, dried our cloths, and then drove back. It was a good idea-- there were a lot of cold, damp people at the party.

Weird. This is the first time in over two weeks that I've seen rain. I guess Seattle is welcoming me back from L.A. I was worried that my lawn would be all brown and dead.

Cor went to Portland last weekend. He said met a nice guy there. This weekend the nice guy is comming to Seattle to visit Cor. The guy must be special-- Cor never dates the same man two weeks in a row.

I leave for L.A. tonight. I'm driving down the coast so I won't get there till Friday or Saturday.

I had beer at the Cuff tonight. I had a weird conversation with C6. About a year ago, C6 got out of a five year relationship. It was a bad breakup involving restraing orders, recriminiations and gossip. Over the past few months, C6 has been flirting with me-- hinting that he'd like to go out sometime, but never following through with it. I haven't put to much effort into it because he is still on the rebound.

Tonight C6 told me that every time he sees me, he thinks I'm really woofy. He wants to go out sometime, but he's afraid he's not ready for it. That's kind of hard for me to digest.

When I left, C6 said "Call me!" I said, "No, you call me." He nodded his head. I think he understood what I ment. Chasing a guy who isn't ready to date you is like banging your head against the wall. It only feels good when you stop.

We'll See. I'm on vacation for two weeks starting Tueday. I'm driving down the coast to L.A., and meeting my friend Andy there.

John, don't you live in L.A.? Maybe we should have coffee? I'm not sure about that. In some ways, I think that John (And Tommy and Snub) propably know more about me than my best friends do. In other ways, they don't know the conversational, real me. I much more level headed and conservative in real life. Plus, I won't want to talk about me. That's kind of dull.

Saturday evening I went camping with C2 at Camp TRC, a gay campground by Bender Creek. It was fun. Steven and his new boyfriend were there.

Some of the semi-permanant camp sites are very elaborate. Almost cottages-- except for the fact that you could dismantle them in an afternoon. They've also done a lot of landscaping.

I think I need a bigger tent. Right now I have a small two man tent. It is fine for sleeping in. But, you can't stand up in it.

Over this past week I sent Harry an email, and left a message on his answering machine. He hasn't wrote or called back.

Bitterness. Although, I'm not too supprised. He might find me attractive, but I don't think I excite him.

Bleah. It's 2am. I just got off the phone/internet for a work emergency. It was a dull problem, but it involved people from all over the place..One of the guys I was working with wrote "I'm sitting here in Issaquah, MCS is on site in San Ramon, the servers are in London."

Thanks for the complement John. I try to keep my writing as simple as possible.

Played hockey last night. We lost 5-1. We are now 0 wins, 4 losses and 1 tie. Our team is starting to come unglued-- infighting, badmouthing. At a hockey clinic on Tuesday, two of our players had a fist fight with each other. On Wednesday, after one of our players got a penalty, another player decided to bitch him out.

All I can do is grin and bear it.

The weather in Seattle has been warm and Sunny. Weeks like this make it worth putting up with all the rain we get in the fall winter and spring.

At work, the 'eHome' team has moved in next to my team. eHome is trying to intergate computers into the home. All of the eHome offices are set up as little living rooms with comfy chairs and cool gizmos. Maybe I'll move to eHome.

Ordinary day today. Mathew and I had dinner at Racka. He went out drinking last weekend and made a big fool of himself. He started telling people off and being very mean. I never really pictured Mathew as one of the guys who keeps it all bottled in and only expreses him self when he gets drunk.

Mathew's ex's new boyfriend keeps a website It's very complete. It's got a webcam, pics, journal, a calendar and news letter-- the whole nine yards. The new boyfriend is not a shy man. At least I change the names to protect privacy.

Afterwards I went to the Cuff. Officer Rob, and C6 where there. It's been a long time since I've seen them. They both though I was either in love, or dead. We chatted a while. It looks like Officer Rob is dating someone. Good for him.

All of a sudden I lived in Seattle for five years...

I just got my five year service award. A whole buch of us got our awards at the same time. I come from a buy out-- I used to work for a small company in Toronto, Ontario. Five years ago we were bought out. They moved us to Seattle. So today, half a dozen of us got our "Five Year Clocks"

I think I'll take the rest of the afternoon off.

Cor had a busy weekend as well. Friday night he met a guy. Saturday afternoon he left for a date with the guy. He didn't come home till Sunday morning.

Cor and I hung around together Sunday afternoon. It was a bright and Sunny day. We walked along the Kirland waterfront, took a nap on a beach and had drinks at the Beach Cafe.

We drove home around 5pm, had a few more drinks and invited Bruce and C3 over for dinner. The four of us chatted, drank, ate and had a good time.

Cor grilled me on why I wasn't interested in dating him. That's a hard question to answer. It all comes down to chemistry but when you say that it sounds like your pleading the 5th. Right now, even if I was interested in dating Cor, I wouldn't. He goes through too many guys. I don't think my heart could take that.

He also asked me about Harry. He was supprised when I said that Harry and I didn't have sex on Saturday night. He's predicting Harry will break my heart. I don't care.

Tonight, Harry and I had dinner tongether. It was good.

After dinner we played pool at a near by bar. Two older women joined us chatted us up. We played a couple of games of pool with the women, but left before things got awkward.

Harry and I kissed a bit before we parted. He said he had fun and would like to see me again. He also said he wanted to take things slow. I'm happy with that.

I talked to C2 about Harry. He wrote "...don’t trash him. A migraine can be pretty severe, especially if you don’t know how to spell it. But it’s not something to let slide either. When he calls later and reschedules and you agree to meet, perhaps mention that if he can’t make it, you’d appreciate a phone call if possible, and then drop it. If he’s a smart guy (which Harry is) he’ll pick up on the clue." I guess that's good advice.

Harry called around 7pm. He still sounds sick. He mentioned that we could get together tomorrow night. I said we should talk on Saturday and see how he feels. He also apologized a lot.

I forgive him.

I had dinner with Cor, C2, Matthew and George. It was a fun dinner. Lots of good conversation. C2 drove me home. One way home he told me a story about how it was all right to expose a vulrable side to someone I care for; that if I wanted a relationship to work I would have to do so. If I didn't it would mean I wasn't getting close to the man. C2 is wise in many ways. I think he knows how I feel about Harry and how I've been burned in the past.

I wonder what C2's story is. There are many years to his life that he doesn't talk about.

I just got this from Harry. Do I trash him, or do I let it slide?

From: "Harry....
To: "Barry...
Sent: Friday, June 07, 2002 1:40 PM
Subject: Re: Thursday Night Pizza

> Hey Barry. I am sorry, I missed pizza, I have been
> down with a migarane the last 2 days. I have shut off
> my phones and tried to stay in the dark and quiet.. I
> will call you later.. Harry

Well, Harry stood me up for dinner tonight. I wonder what his excuse will be? I wonder how long before I get to hear it? Days? Months? I I wish I could control my feelings. I develop a crush on one man in the past two years, and he's a jerk.

Speaking of being a jerk. R called and is spending tonight in Seattle. He wants to get together. I need to tell him that we should just be friends.

John, what does "Does this mean you find yourself to be a monster?" mean? Is it a joke about me being hairy? Is it a serious question?

C2 and I went and saw Insomnia with the movie bears. A fairly good movie. Worth the $5.00 discount ticket that I paid for it.

After the movie we went to the Cuff. On the way there, C2 felt me out about Church and religion...

"Have you ever gone to Church?" C2 Asked.
"Not since '93" I replied.
"Do you ever go to Church now?
"No."
"Do you ever want to go?"
"No."
"Do you ever think about going?"
"No."
"Not even to the gay friendly Chuches?"
"No."

That ended that discussion. I know that C2 goes every Sunday.

At the Cuff we ran into Mathew who also went to the moviel. We chatted for a while and drank more beer than we should have-- pitchers were less than 2 beers. It was the first time Mathew has been to a movie bears event. He said he didn't like the movie. He qualified that by saying he's from Alaska and doesn't have good memories of the place-- Insomnia is set in Alaska.

I worked late last night-- till about 10pm. I was working on a hard problem that just wouldn't give.

At home I talked to Cor for a while. He mentioned that me and his trick looked a lot a like. We were both blond, blue eyed, beard and hairy. I kind of laughed at that. We also talked about work and Seattle. He's not adjusting well to Seattle. It's too cool and not sunny enough. My gut says he'll move back to Miami within the next six months.

Harry left a message so I called him. He asked me out to dinner this Thursday!. I have to act cool. I think Harry would rather chase than be chased.

Harry and I also talked about roommates. He said he never had house against rules about bringing home tricks. He never had too--his roommates were either shy, or couldn't get a date if their life depended on it.

This morning when I went to work, I started on my hard problem again. This time, in about 5 minutes, I found a solution.

Having a room mate is going to be interesting. Cor moved in on Friday. This is the first time I've lived with someone since since 96.

When Cor and I discussed the rules of the house I said it was ok to bring guys over. It makes sense. We are both healthy single men. Eventually we are both going to meet someone and want privacy. Also, I figured Cor was fairly conservative-- when Cor and I slept together (Last March) we didn't have sex. He said "No sex till we love each other."

Well, tonight Cor walked in with a very trashy, trampy looking guy. I don't think Cor knew the guys name because the guy had to introduce himself to me. It was kind of a weird, awkward and funny moment. Fortunatly R called, so I had an excuse to leave-- to have dinner with R.

I should give Cor the benifit of the doubt. Maybe they've been seeing each other for a while. I'm laughing at Cor in my head. "Cor. You're a good looking man. Why do you want to sleep with that!" Is judging someone behind their back worse than talking about someone behind there back?

I can hear them talking and gigling in Cor's bedroom. Part of me wants to put my ear up the the door. I won't. I'll respect his privacy.

The good thing about having a journal is that I can bitch and laugh and vent and get it all out of my system. It lets me be much less gossipy in real life.

I had a good fun weekend with R. R is a nice guy who lives about 5 hours south of Seattle, on the coast. some mutual friends have been trying to hook us up. R and I have been exchanging email for awhile, so we decided to spend this weekend together. R is a sweat man. But, I think we should just be friends. Especially considering we live 5 hours apart.

I drove down to Portland Thursday evening and met R there. We spend the night together. Next morning we had breakfast with one of our mutual friends, J.

That afternoon, we drove to Lincoln city. We stayed at the Spanish Inn. It's got a great view of the ocean. We took a long walk on the beach. It was bright sunny, windy and cold. Those are problems with the ocean beaches in the Pacific North West-- too cold, always windy.

Later on we saw a boxing match. R had tickets to an ESPN Friday Night Fight. It was fun. I'm supprised how much I liked live boxing. We saw some good fights. No one left the ring looking pretty.

Afterwards we gambled for a while (The match was in a Casino) A lot of people there know R. Mostly the staff. It turns out that R's older brother is the Casino manager.

Next morning, we went surfing! It was fun, but very tiring. The surfing part of surfing is easy. Paddling out to the waves is hard. The waves beat you around and tire you out.

Later on R & I drove back to Portland to watch the Starlight Parade. It started at 9pm. At 10:30, we looked at the parade program and saw that the parade was only one third over. Bleah. I hate long slow parades. So does R. We left and spent the night at C&J's

Next morning, C, R & I had breakfast and then took a hike around a park. Early in the afternoon, I left for home.

R & I are supposed to have dinner together tonight. He has buisness in Seattle on Monday.

Monday morning I had breakfast with C2. I didn't do much for the rest of Monday.

Last night I had dinner with Mathew. He's decided to spread out the changes in his life. Instead of moving out of his parents place, and quiting his job (He works with his parents) He's going to move out and take a good vacation.

After dinner I went to the Cuff. I was supposed to meet Bruce there, but he didn't make it. He called my cell and said everything was running late. He just wanted to go home and eat.

Well, I didn't manage to get a truck canopy. I stopped by three places. None had the right colour. So, being into sour grapes and the like, I decided a canopy makes my truck look cheaper-- like an SUV wanna be.

Sunday I drove out to the Olympic Peninsula. I went to the Dungeness Spit I hiked out about a mile into the ocean. My socks and shoes got wet, so I took them off and sat on the beach for a while. I noticed that there were great skipping stones along the beach. For the next half hour I skipped stones into the ocean

I had lunch at Sequim. Sequim has a weird population. Everyone is either retired, or married with small kids. There doesn't see to be anyone there who is childless between the ages 30 and 50.

In the evening I went to a bear house party. For the most part it was the Cuff crowd. It sounds like I've become an 'A' list guest. Two guys I hardly know gave me shit half jokingly for not going to their party.

It's beautfill and sunny out today. Forcast is calling for rain on the weekend.

I think, tomorrow I'm going to get a canopy for my truck and then take an over night trip around the Olympic Peninsula.

When it rains, it pours.

My dishwasher is leaking a bit. so, I poked and prodded at it and tightened some screws. Now it's making loud grinding sounds. I need to call the repair man.

I brought the truck in for it's 60,000 mile checkup. They said the rear break cylinders are leaking. The truck needs a break job as soon as possible.

This is turning into an expensive week.

I had dinner with Mathew. He's shaved his moustache, but has decided to grow his beard back. He's going through a big change. He lives with his parents and works at their company. He's quit his job, and is moving out.

Actually, I was hung over. I didn't notice it till I started moving around. I spent most of Sunday napping, drinking water and snacking.

I went out the the Cuff Sunday evening. Harry was there. We chatted for a while

I had lunch with C5 today. Things seam to be going well with him.

A few more comments on my birthday party... We had a Shaken vs. Stired Martini contest. It was a great and terrible idea. We drank too many martini's trying to taste the difference between shaken and stirred. You can't.

Martini's are really heavy drinks. I'm going to swear off alcohol for a while.

At about 11pm, my friend Basil, showed up. C3 showed up at about 11:30pm. Now, C3 has many Jewish friends. He was raised in a Jewish area in New York. On the other hand, Basil's father is a Palistinian refugee. His family lost his home when Israel was created. When the two started talking about the conflict in Israel, the sparks started to fly. I've talked to both C3 and Basil since the party. They both said they loved arguing with the other, but the other was completly wrong.

It's my birthday. Saturday night I threw a Party. About 16 people showed up. They started arriving around 7:30pm. The last of the left at 2:30am.

It was fun. A lot of alcohol was drunk. Next year I have to provide more ways of entertaining the guests.

I'm tired now. Not really hung over though.

Hmmm. I have cable TV. I'm not paying for it. I never ordered it. I'm not pirating it. I didn't know I had it. I just have it.

I canceled cable TV about a year and half ago. I wasn't watching TV, so it didn't make sense. I didn't have cable TV last summer because when my parents where here we tried and got nothing. But, tonight I was going to watch a movie, so I turned the VCR on and noticed that chanel 3 was comming in clear. I flipped chanels to see if it was just a fluke and found out I was getting lots of TV stations.

Cool.

Our company took my team to see Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones. Sigh. The special effects and action scenes were great. Other than that the acting was wooden, the dialog was lame, there were plots holes, there were plot contrivances, some of the camera work was shoddy. But... the special effects and action scenes were great. They kept the talking parts and character building scenes short enough that I didn't squirm in my seat too long before more action was on the screen. I guess it's daming with faint praise to say that the best part of "Attack of the Clones" was the editing. In the had hands of a lesser editor this would have been a very bad movie.

I've had a social couple of days. Monday evening I had dinner with Steven at Siam's. It was fun. He has a job interview in NY this weekend. He also told me about his latest adventures. He picked up a guy last Sunday who just happens to be a drinking buddy of mine. He was caught off guard when he figured out I knew his trick. After Dinner, Steven and I had a beer at the Cuff. They played Thumb Wars a cute spoof of Star Wars.

Tuesday I had dinner with Mathew. He shaved his beard. He doesn't look as cute anymore ;-( I didn't tell him that though. We had dinner at Ing, and dessert at the 611 Supreme.

Wednesday night, summer hockey started. We lost 11-0. Bleah. The organizers weren't sure what teer to put us in, so they put us in teer 2. We think teer 2 is a bit above us, so we're going to petition to be moved to teer 3.

Oh yeah. C5 emailed me, out of the blue, and asked me out for lunch. We'll see. Lunch is Monday.

We had a beautiful Sunday. Sunny. Warm. It's days like that that make up for the 6 months of rain. Mathew and I had lunch and took a long walk along Alki Beach. We had an "us" talk, and I told him that we should just be friends. He seams to be cool with that. He wants to have dinner together this week.

I'm getting a room-mate. Cor needs a place to stay. His corporate housing is expiring at the end of May. His house in Miami hasn't sold yet. So, he's going to move into my place for a couple of months till he can buy a house here. I'm cool with this. It will be nice to have some extra cash. Plus, Cor travels for work very often, so I won't have to put up with him all the time.

Friday, afternoon I went for a long walk in the park behind my house. I slipped and fell into a bunch of Stinging Nettles. Ouch. My legs had a weird buzzing/itching sensation all evening long. Fortunatly by the next morning the sensation went a way.

Friday night, Mathew, C2, C5 & and I had dinner together. It was fun.

Mathew spent the night. We went to Snoqualmie falls on Saturday morning. On the way back from the falls, we stopped off at Krispy Kreme doughnuts. There was a line up out the door. When we were in line, they gave us fresh dougnuts to sample. There weren't more than 30 seconds old. Very very sweet. I bought half a dozen doughnuts, but I ended up giving them to my neighbours. The samples were more than enough to satisfy me.

In the afternoon, Mathew went home to do some work. Early evening, I met up with Bruce and C3. We went to a house party hosted by one of the guys he works with. It was fun. Very family though. There were 3 or 4 kids there.

I've just realized that I've become "The Man/The System" that youth rebel against, that complain we never give them a break...

I interviewed a college grad on Thursday. He was a nice guy, fairly bright but very green. Right now he's stuck in a vicious circle. He needs some experience before he can get a job, but he can't get a job because he doesn't have experience. I can't hire him. Because of the recession, many ambitious, experienced and intelligent people have also been applying. Relative to them the college grad just wasn't the best person for the job.

I guess I've offically sold my soul to the company.

Matthew slept over last night. We didn't have sex. We had dinner, watched a movie (The Maddness of King George) and went to bed. He wakes up at 5am. I wake up at about 8:30. I don't understand people who can get by on 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. I need 8 or I feel sick and turn into a bastard.

I took it easy tonight. Worked out. Had dinner. I've got to figure out what to do with Mathew. He's a really nice man but I don't feel for him in my heart. I'd like to feel something-- he's a good catch. But, I can't date someone just because my mother would approve. I'll give it another week and see what happens.

Last night, I had dinner with Mathew again. He ended up spending the night at my place. I slept very poorly with him. He squeezes and grabs while he sleeps. It kept waking me up.

I had dinner with Mathew last night. It was good. Afterwards we saw Spiderman. I really like Mathew as a person, but he definatly isn't getting into my heart. He seems to be very shy when it comes to physicall stutf. We've had three dates and we still haven't done more than kiss goodnight. We held hands briefly in the movie. Maybe he's not that attracted to me either. On the other hand, I always get nice thank you emails from him saying that he'd like to see me again soon.

So, Saturday evening, I had a drink at C.C's and ran into some of the movie bears. I talked with H for a while. He used to be a very big man, but lately he's been losing a lot of weight. I can' tell if this is intentional or if he's HIV+. His cheeks are much more lean than the rest of him, which is never a good sign.

After C.C.'s I went to the Seawolf and watched a Cinco De Maio Drag Show. There I met Paul, a very hot man from Portland. We talked a while. He's also a really nice guy. Well, to make a long story short, Paul came back to my place. It was good.

Hmmm. I sleep with no one for months, and now two guys in two weeks.

Sunday I had lunch with Bruce and C3. Bruce's mother shattered her ankle in a car accident. Bruce's aunt was the driver of vehicle. Now there are all sorts of recriminations. The aunt has better insurance than Bruce's mother, but to get access to it, they will have to charge the aunt. Bruce is very upset over it.

After lunch Bruce went home to do some work. C3 and I took a walk along Alki Beach. It was very windy and wavey.

Later in the afternoon I saw Spiderman. It's a fine, fun movie.

In the evening, I went down to the Cuff and ran into Steven, Officer Bob and Mathew. Mathew spent the weekend in Longmire, visiting friends and doing a bit of work. After a while, Mathew and I took off for dinner at the Elysian. I have mixed feelings about Mathew. He's a very nice guy but he doesn't push my romantic or sexy buttons. Mat and I are still having dinner Monday night. I'll see how I feel then.

I benched 160lbs today. That's the most I've ever done. I've been adding 5lbs a week for the past few weeks. We'll see how far I can go.

I'm kind of bored right now. For some reason, I don't like any of the music that I have. The video games that I've been playing have lost there attraction. Also, it's cold and rainy out side. Crappy weather for hiking.

I'm trying to figure out how to be more interesting-- maybe a dangerous hobby.

Last night I had dinner with C2 and Cor. J was supposed to show up, but didn't. He always flakes out. It really annoys me when guys say "Yeah, let's get together for lunch some time!" and then you never hear from them again.

Speaking of "Never hear from them again" I ran into C5 last night. He was with his boy friend-- the boy friend he met after he asked me out on a date, and so he promptly decided to not return my calls.

Ok, I'm a little sick now-- light headed, tired and a bit nauseous. I took yesterday afternoon off and slept. I think I’m going to do the same today.

I've been really hyper lately. I've had problems focusing at work. Not sure why.

Mathew backed out on dinner tonight. He has strep throat.

My parents have sold their farm and bought a new place. They are moving over the next two weeks. That will be weird. My parents have lived on the farm for 32 years.