This has turned into a dark time of the year. One year ago, my mother died on Feb 7. I just received the news that my sister-in-law's father died early in the morning on February 8.

My husband's niece and sister-in-law are in town for the weekend. They are paying my husband's mother a visit, and catching up with family.

My husband's brother passed away years ago from alcoholism. I think this was the first time my husband and his sister-in-law discussed the grief she felt at the time of his passing. Addiction raises all sorts of complicated feelings. This weekend brought them both some closure. 

And we are back in Seattle.

Friday, our last day, was wonderful. There was a layer of fresh snow that makes snowboarding more enjoyable.

Late Friday afternoon, we did Whistler's apres-ski scene. I'm was taken aback by how post-COVID it is. We went to a bar with a fantastic band. The bar was packed, cheek to jowl with people dancing on their chairs at the tables and singing along to the music.  

For me it was a wonderful experience seeing hundreds of people have a great time. My husband was anxious and he dropped a few hints as such. We left after about 15 minutes, walked around the village, passed many other packed clubs, and then met up with our friends for dinner. 

It’s my husband’s birthday this week so we are up in Whistler for the celebration. The weather is gorgeous. 

We have also invited a couple friends along. These friends, like my husband, are all in medical sales. Work conversations frequently pop up. 

Interesting trivia… The sales reps know which nurses are racist and which are more inclusive. They tweak their salesforce and their sales pitch to build relationships with the nurses regardless of their thoughts on race.

While I mostly work from home, I'll drive into the office one day a week. 

Over the holidays my day-job moved our physical office. The old office was vast and underutilized. We moved to an office that was more appropriately sized.  

The new office is nice but still a work in progress. There are some construction issues such a blocked sink drain and coffee machines that are not working All stuff that can be fixed. Overall the space is pleasant. Smaller, but not too constrained.

I chatted with an employee whose whole career started after the Covid lockdown. As such she was accustomed to either working from home or working in our old, large, office space. She found it a bit weird, but not uncomfortable, to be working physically right next to someone else. 

Afterwards, we went out for drinks. It was good to catch up with my co-workers in a more relaxed setting. My VP attended. He commented "I really enjoyed this. We should do it every month." I had to bite my tongue. We do go out for drinks every month. He is always invited. He rarely attends. 

I carpooled home with a coworker. As much as we enjoyed the evening get together, we do not miss working from an office. We do not miss the commute. We both have at about two more hours per day when  working from home. 

Over January is busy for my husband and he is traveling a lot. Business is busy for him.

It's given me a good chunk of time alone. I've been reading more, working on a jigsaw puzzle and catching up with a few old friends. 

Saturday one of those friends, Clem, and I went on a good hike. Clem is almost 70. We share some of his challenges. 

Clem has always been extremely social and more active in the gay party scene. He frequents bars  and attends all night dances. We discussed how staying engaged and having a normal life is difficult for retired gay men. With so much more free time on their hands, retired gay men can fall into the trap of sex and drugs. He busies him self by volunteering, traveling and working part time jobs. He delivered packages for UPS over the holidays. He will deliver flowers over Valentines. 

Tommy wrote: "I believe that for my generation, if people were actually truthful with themselves and the rest of the world, retirement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The real achievement in life is the 'achievement of business.'"

I agree with this, and I’m trying to figure out how it applies to me. The phrase "achievement of business" really stands out. It’s easy to think of it as financial success, but I see it as more than that. For example, your work in public service is also a kind of achievement in business, just a different kind.

I’m not sure what my calling is growing into. For years, my career has been about helping big companies get a little more efficient. It’s been rewarding financially, but I’m finding it hard to feel excited about doing this for the next few decades. At the same time, the idea of making a big change feels scary. Still, I’m starting to see that the cost of not trying might be even greater.

Figuring out what my "achievement of business" means to me seems less about sticking to the usual path and more about finding a new idea of success—one that I can really look forward to.

We are in the airport waiting for our flight back to Seattle.

This past week has been wonderful. The New Years week has felt like hanging out with old friends, catching up, playing games, reconnecting. 

Owing to when we met in University, these friends were all born in 1970 and started our careers in Toronto in 1995. There are many similarities in the overall narratives. 

It feels like our lives are transitioning. For my friends who have kids, the last of their children are off to college or finding full time jobs. Our parents are aging. Some have passed away. Some need full time care. And some are making the best with the few years they have left.

Without saying the word “retirement” a few of us are thinking through our post-career life. We are considering jobs that have less stress, but still keep us active.