My mother is an interesting challenge. She has short term memory problems. She can't remember things that happened more than about ten minutes ago. Despite that, she is surprisingly with it. She tells stories, play games, holds her part of a conversation. Here is challenge-- when she forgets where she is and what's happening, she confabulates. She makes up something and runs with it. She doesn't even realize she's doing it.

Example-- suppose we go out for dinner at a restaurant. At some point mom will need to use the restroom. Nothing unusual about that. By the time mom has finished in with the restroom, she'll have forgot where she was sitting and who she is with. She'll just wander off. We could loose her unless we watch the bathroom door.

Another example. Mom and dad are at home. Dad goes out to do some chores. After a while mom will forget this. Perhaps she'll decide that dad is getting their truck ready. She'll get dressed to go out, then wait by the garage or him. Or perhaps she'll wander around to try and find him.

All by the way of saying, someone needs to be there for mom all the time. This is tricky as Mom is an independent woman. She will figure out when she's being watched and will become angry if you imply she can't be alone. 

Dad needs to run a few errands while I am in town. He is having cataract surgery. Practically mom can't join him, nor can she be left alone for the day. So we tell her little white lies. Dad 'needs' her to stay at home because there will be an important call about her scans.  I will work from their home for that day just because I enjoy it there.

Today I received my new U.S. passport. Earlier this week I got my voter registration card. All I need know is to be summoned to jury duty and I'll have experienced all my new American privileges. 

Except serving my country if called upon by Congress. I can pass on that.

At the end of the month I'll travel to Canada to visit my parents. I'll workcation there for a week. My brothers will also be there. A good family visit.

The mother-in-law is doing better. She may get out of the hospital today.

"I felt a calling to be a sex therapist and relationship councilor."

Last night we had dinner with another couple that we know. They are a good couple. Over the course of the evening, the topic of second careers and retirement came up. What should we do to bring meaning to our lives? One of this couple was formerly in the tech industry. For years he has been transitioning to sex therapy and relationship counseling-- getting his masters degree and the required other trainings. 

I am sometimes envious of those with callings. I've never had a calling. I have some skills that are lucrative-- mathematics, software engineering, organizational behavior. And I have sold those skills for a good chunk of change. But I don't feel called to do so.

Very long ago I read that the quest for a calling can be dangerous (The Pleasures and Sorry of Work by Alain De Botton) People will cast their lives about looking for a calling, jumping from job to job. Really there is no choice you can make that will eliminate uncertainty or failure. You have to tackle every day with all your energy, never really knowing what the future may bring. The quest for a calling can a be an crutch to justify not engaging deeply with life.

But then there are those who do find a calling. 

Now-- a calling to be a sex therapist. I wanted to deeply dig into that one. I didn't do so. I felt like it would be too easy for that conversation to go off into the weeds. Would my questions come across as mocking? Would the husband feel comfortable listening to me asking many questions of another man who is comfortable talking about sex? Would I want to listen to my husband asking those same questions? As gay men we get to push the limits of behavior in polite company. 

Perhaps my calling is to be the Miss Manners for a sexually progressive crowd. What is proper etiquette when your hosts show you their workshop/sex-play-room and you don't want to encourage any sexual advances, yet you don't want to come across as disapproving?

 

The mother-in-law will be in the hospital for at least another week. She is in pain, but able to move around. Her temper is flaring. Yesterday while the husband was visiting her, she lashed out at him. The husband left her and returned home. He saw no point in bearing the brunt of her anger.

This morning they talked over the phone. While she is still in pain, she is not taking it out on the husband.

At work, the great designation has hit me. One of my leads wants to work on a project that's very important to him. It will take him away from his day-job for about eight months. He knows he can't arrange a leave of absence for that long, so he is resigning.

I can't tell how much of that is a story and how much is true. Even under the best of conditions, it's ballsy to leave a good job.

Of course a low risk procedure is not a no-risk procedure. My mother-in-law's lung collapsed after the procedure. She is OK and not in pain.

Weather something like summer has finally started in the Pacific North West. It's still cool and rainy. However it doesn't feel like we are stuck in April. Trees are full of leaves. Flowers are in bloom.

We spent part of the weekend power-washing around the house-- the drive way, decks, walk way, chairs used for the back yard. Things look nice now. 

The mother-in-law is having a medical procedure done today. This is to help her breathing. She has COPD and is on oxygen twenty four hours a day.

Even though procedure is low risk, she will spend the next three days in the hospital. If something goes wrong the doctors must respond quickly. The husband has warned me that his schedule will be janky over the next few days. He doesn't know if his mother will need his help or if the hospital will even allow that. 

We are back home. We originally planned to return on Sunday, however is was raining hard today. So we thought we'd drive home in the rain, rather than hang around the rental and watch movies.

Today is C4 & QJ's memorial day party. Usually it's a wonderful event. Today it may be cold and rainy. We will go anyways even if it's just to catch up with everyone. QJ & C4 are *very* social. There will be many people at the party that we rarely see. In all fairness, most of these people are the party crowd. None the less, there are always a few more quiet and interesting folks there.

My blog seems to be turning into a set of short random blurbs. I'm not really writing anything in depth.

In all fairness, this blog is mostly here to help me remember my life, not to be an in depth depot for my writings. None the less, when I look over the few bloggers that I regularly read, what they offer is more in-depth, hearth felt, poetic.

The husband and I are still on the Oregon coast. I enjoy working here, but my days are hectic. The great resignation has hit our company. There is a lot scrambling to cover a few key people who have left. I do what I can, but the constant context switching frazzles me.

It is gorgeous here. I love looking up from my laptop and taking in the ocean. If you look at the waterline in the following picture, you see people-- they are surfers! I am surprised that Oregon has surfers. They water is cold. They must all wear wet suits. 

The dog loves it here too. She gets the zoomies when we walk down to the beach. 

We are workationing for the week along the northern Oregon coast. The husband has business in Portland. I can work from anywhere, so we thought we'd try it out to see what it would be like to live there.

We could buy a nice house here for about half the price of Seattle. Restaurant meals are maybe a third less. There is no sales tax in Oregon. 

Our big problem would be the lack of social life. Most properties here are vacation rentals or weekend cottages. This part of the coast shuts down and clears out from the fall to the spring. During the summer it's almost all tourists.

We had a quick trip to Sacramento. 

Last winter, the husband's uncle died. Finally, this past Sunday the family was able to host his celebration-of-life.

The husband was able to work from Sacramento the week before, so I joined him on Thursday. We spent the weekend there. This was the first time that we've been there without needing to spend time with 

The stock market has been crazy bad. Last night at dinner, C3, who has always been an aggressive day trader, told me that he is out of the market. He had to do so for his own sanity.

The market crash is shaking up some coworkers. They are used to a rising stock price to fatten their take home pay. I'm wondering how this will play out. I've heard rumors that the hitech job market is tightening up. We shall see.

I've been through market bursts before, so I personally don't feel so bad. It's difficult to be patient, but that is what's necessary.

We've been back in Seattle for a few days now. 

The husband has flown off to California for work. He has started traveling frequently as business reopens. He'll be flying again next week.

Tuesday, I had dinner with C3. He's got a job! We talked about it. He said didn't put a lot of energy into finding a job. He has been toying with retirement. His experience over the past few months has led him to the conclusion that he is not ready to retire. 

This job is good enough for now. It pays a decent salary. It will occupy his time with something productive. In six months, he can change his plan.

> Which island are you staying on? Ava and I are thinking of staying on the big island because she is all about the outdoors and less likely to enjoy the touristy beaches or say still.

We are staying in Honolulu on Oahu. Oahu is a busy island and is the center of Hawaii's business and military.

The big island is a great choice if you want to be more outdoors. So is Kauai. At work, over lunch, we discussed the different Hawaiian islands. We concluded that if you want to hike or camp then Kauai is the best island. Maui and the big island are tied for a close for 2nd.

So much of that judgement depends on specifics. The big island has active volcanoes. For some that's a big attraction. For others it's a reason to stay away.

Maui has the best undeveloped beaches. Big & little Makena beach in particular. Also Black Sand Beach near Hana

The Kauai coast has fewer beaches and more cliffs. It's fun hiking along the cliffs. 

 

In Hawaii we are up early owing to jet lag. We are not alone.

This morning I wanted to have good coffee. I walked to a coffee shop. Hugh line. The picture is the lineup at the coffee shop just before it has opened at 6am. 

So I thought "This early, there most be a coffee shop nearby that doesn't have a long line." I looked a few up and went for a walk.

No. No there are not. Three other coffee shops near me all had similar lines.

I've been working 6:30 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. This gives me a few afternoon hours to enjoy the beach.

We are in Hawaii for the week. The husband has business here and I found a cheap flight.

I will be working as well. With the time difference, I think I can end my day by 3pm, then do a little beaching.

Sunday, we hiked up to Diamond Head crater.

A robin is obsessed with my roommates car. For a few days now we've observed it sitting on the driver mirror and trying to get in. The roommate is reading this as a sign of luck, though she doesn't appreciate the poop it leaves on the mirror and door. 

I've done a bit of googling on this. Apparently they are territorial. The robin is trying to chase off the other robin in the reflection. 
 

C2's father passed away. C2 is fine with that. He has always thought his father to be a selfish asshole. 

C2 is concerned for the happiness of his step mother and wishes her well though he expect he will hear less and less from her as time passes. C2's side of her family was tolerated, not loved. I get the feeling they had a marriage of convenience. 

Tuesday evening the husband and I went out for dinner with C2. The husband suggested that maybe C2's father was mentally ill. C2 became very confrontational about that. C2 deeply believes his father was a selfish asshole by his choices, and not because he wasn't all there. 

C2's father did make C2's life needlessly tough and put him through much unnecessary pain. C2 is not ready to forgive his father for that, or to see him as anything but trash.

Family and friends were over for easter. It was a nice get-together. We had too much ham and chocolate. 

After dinner, and after too much wine, the mother-in-law and W talked politics. It was interesting to watch. Both worked hard to be respectful. Neither gave an inch. Such are political discussions.

It's easy to say what you feel, what you think. We rarely say what would change our minds. 

Allen couldn't make it. He is in a thirty day treatment. He had been sober for years. Recently we learnt that he'd been struggling-- drinking behind the back of his boyfriend. 

Good for him to seek help.

At work we had an "Onsite" meeting. Coworkers from all over the country met at the local office. We had a good couple days together.

I've received a promotion and have graduated from Senior Manager to Director. My boss's organization is also growing. He has started sending more work may way.

A friend asked me how I wanted to celebrate my promotion. She was recently promoted to partner at her company and celebrated with a trip to Arizona. 

I don't think I'm going to celebrate in a big way. More than stuff, or trips, I want fewer obligations on my free time.

Over the weekend, the husband and I went to a sobriety convention hosted along the Oregon coast. We attend most every year and catch up with old friends.

Yeah, somehow, over the years, a good chunk of my gay friends joined AA.

I've said this joke too many times-- Cannon Beach Oregon is one of the most beautiful beaches in the world... and it has a constant, cold, 20mph wind 

C6 and QJ where also there. We spent part of the weekend hanging out with them.

Years ago C6 had a heart transplant. Late last summer C6 had COVID and recovered from it. Afterwards, his rejection numbers for his heart started to go up-- his body has started to reject his heart. He has had several changes in treatment since then. Still his rejection numbers are going up.

This winter, C6 and QJ are planning a trip of a lifetime. Tierra Del Fuego, Patagonia, Galapagos Islands, Machu Picchu and more. They asked us if we want to join them, even for just a few days. I seriously think we should. C6 may not be long for this world.

The World is returning to normal for both of us. The husband has started regularly traveling for work again.  Next week, I have an "Onsite" day at the office with the other leaders/managers in my organization. 

Simple problem like "who takes the dog for her afternoon walk?" are starting to complicated things. There used to be a doggie day care near us. They unfortunately closed during the pandemic. That leaves us scrambling when we need to find a dog walker for an afternoon.

First world struggles.

When do I become old? When did my music become old?

I have a niece I text every now and then. She likes to talk about music and who she listens to. Always someone trendy and sexy.

She asked me who I was listening to. I said "Talking heads"

"Who?"

"You know, Burning Down the House, Psycho Killer."

"Ok. Never heard of them but job uncle."

Sigh. These songs aren't really that lost and forgotten, are they?

On the hummingbird photos-- it took several days and over one hundred pictures to capture the six I posted. Hummingbirds *are* flighty and fast creatures. The good photos took as much luck as anything else.

The husband's step-niece, SS, spent the weekend with us.  SS is lovely. She likes to be engaged in conversation alot. I almost wrote that she talks a lot, but that's wrong. She spends a fair amount of time asking deep questions... getting to know you. That makes the whole experience that much more tiring for me. I need social downtime. 

We had a good tour of Seattle. We saw the sights, walked the walks and ate too much.

The husband and SS spent much time discussing being adult children of alcoholics. This is complicated. Some of their past history is harrowing. 

The camera is setup on my desk and pointed out the window at the hummingbird feeder. I've taken hundreds of pictures over the past week. These are the few that turned out.

The Rufous is orange. The Anna is green. They will occasionally duke it out. I'd love to capture that. 

I can't tell if there is more than one rufous. Is the rufus in the first photo the same as the rufous in the last?

It's been a tough week at work. Our company was hacked. It's made the news. Seven people in the UK have been arrested as a result. Our company is a little tone-deaf in the public handling of the issue.

Fortunately my division was not part of the hack. Just sitting in a front row seat, watching it all happen. As a middle manager, I must project a positive and forward looking attitude to all of this. That can be tough.

I love that the husband keeps in touch with so many people. I have hermit tendencies. Left to my own devices I stay at home. I enjoy the solitude. I also enjoy the husband bringing people in to my life.

We had a few of the husband's oldest friends over for dinner. My husband went to grade school with M&M (who are sisters) back where he grew up in the south. Years later one of the sisters moved to Seattle. The husband and she have kept up their friendship ever since.

For the third year now, we have a rufous hummingbird in our back yard. I first noticed Rufous at the start of the pandemic. The window in my home-office looks out at our hummingbird feeder.

Rufous can live to be eight years old, so this could be the same one.

I threw out our old hummingbird feeders and purchased new ones. The old ones were fading. My theory is that the hummingbirds are attracted to bright colors. As old feeders fade, they should be replaced. 

Or repainted? Googling around, I see that some people repaint their older feeders to help attract hummingbirds.

The mask ordinance is over in our county. People may optionally mask. There's no requirement to do so.

It feels a little dirty to be in a store without a mask. About half the people in the grocery store were without a mask. 90% or more In the hardware store

Many people are still masking in restaurants.  This is weird as you only wear your mask from the front desk to your table. I would've thought that masks would go quickly in restaurants.

Through the pandemic I have not had a cold or a flu or a sore throat. These inconveniences are the price to pay for going maskless.

We are back. I enjoyed our ski trip to Park City. 

Park City has an elevation of about 7000 feet above sea level. The air is noticeably more thin. My pulse goes up a good 10%. You can get winded with ordinary walking. 

I had my annual physical exam today. It went well.  My cholesterol is almost at the level where the Dr. would like me to go on medication, but not just yet. I've got another year to get it down.

We are in Park City for a few days. Today the weather was wonderful. Spring conditions. 

our old friend Bayley is here with us. Things are going well with her. 

Errands over the weekend. Saturday I had breakfast with C2 and picked up my snowboard bindings from the ski shop. Wednesday we are heading down to Park City Utah for a few days of fun on the hills. I think we now have everything we need for the trip.

Lunch Saturday with the Mother-in-law. She had many opinions because of the Ukrainian crisis. I do my best to not engage her on politics, though she is more interested in blame and finger pointing that discussing what should be done.

Sunday evening we had the Allen and Evan over for games and dinner. 

Lately, I've been feeling a little like I've been in a rut. Not depressed but a little blue. C2 and I were discussing this over breakfast. He is in a similar situation. A little blue yet we are both well off. We are both financially secure and have great places to live. 

No path forward other than "Suck it up butter cup."

Yesterday I binge watched season 4 of The Good Place, and the last season of Rick and Morty. Maybe I have a short attention span. 

The last episode of the Good Place was very sweet.

Tonight I'm listening to music and writing a little. I'm  want to stay away from TV and the social media. This is hard. Some how, every time I try to purge work-email, I end up flipping over to Facebook and Twitter.

Weekend was good. Friday we saw the Seattle Symphony with Troupe Vertigo. Basically, classical music with acrobats. Fun.

Sunday we had dinner at the mother-in-laws. 

Monday, the husband left for Atlanta for work for a week. I relaxed yesterday. I intended on doing a few personal projects. Mostly I binge watched TV. In the evening I had dinner with C2. 

C2 has finished his move to the Capital Hill neighborhood of Seattle. We dropped by, saw his place and had dinner with him.

When I moved to Seattle almost twenty five years ago it was Seattle's gay neighborhood. It had many gay bars. Buildings were older and not always well maintained. 

I haven't been to Capital Hill in years. Between the pandemic, the black-lives-matter protests, living in the outer suburbs, and my relationships, there never was a reason to visit.

Now C2 lives there. And I see that Capital is really hopping! Gentrified. Half of the older building have been replaced by condos. The existing older buildings frequently host nice clubs, restaurants and shops. The streets are busy. Lots of people walking around and enjoying themselves.

Kudos to Seattle. 

My knee is almost back to normal. I can walk up and down stairs just fine. I still feel pain in my knee when I kick something with side of my foot.

It's been a social weekend. Thursday we had dinner with my old boss and his wife. After he left our old company, he opened up a cruise ship center. And then COVID hit. Business is slow. He has used COVID as an opportunity to buy up other cruise ship centers in that franchise. Good for him, though he is much more of a risk taker than I.

Saturday we brought the mother-in-law out to a nice dinner on the waterfront. She hasn't been away from her retirement home in a while. She appreciated the change.

Sunday we had dinner with Yo and the Angel. They are moving the Angel's mother to Seattle, so we discussed all the logistics that we had to go through. Shutting down the mother's house-- finding a place in Seattle-- correcting all the paper work, the insurance. Overall, moving the Angel's mother to Seattle is a good idea for them.

 > I regret not learning to ski when I was younger. I've only gone once in my life. Now, I have decided the experience would not be worth the pain of learning. But a hot tub and a cabin would be fun.

There is wisdom in that. I enjoy snowboarding. It's an expensive hobby and you spend the first year falling alot. 

This past weekend was the husband's birthday.  The two of us, plus three friends rented a cabin in the mounts and went skiing for a couple of days.

And yes, it wasn't good for my struggling knee.

Also, my binding broke and I spent too much time finding alternate gear.

But, we ate well at night. And the birthday was much fun.

The husband and I have started working on our wills. Most of our will is straight forward-- if I die my possessions go to him. He makes my health care decisions if I am unable to respond.

And he me should the situation is reversed.

What if we are both not dead, but can't respond? What if we are both in comas? The lawyer asked us to think that through. 

After a few days of contemplating, I asked C2 if he would handle my health care directive if the husband was not able. 

I asked "Could you pull the plug on me?"

He responded "Oh yeah. I'd want the same."

That's what friends are for.

We went snowboarding Thursday night. And I hurt my knee. For now I'm just icing it, and keeping weight off of it.

The husband and I both bought new skis and snowboards. So we have been trying to hit the hills. Last Sunday we drove to a local ski hill with C6. That ski hill had a large power outage just before we arrived. Power wasn't returned till the next morning.

Later today we are going to try night skiing. The weather looks bad. We shall see.

We had dinner with C2 last night. C2 has spent the last week moving into his new apartment and visiting his father in hospice. C2 is frustrated with his father's inability to die. C2's father just lays there like a vegetable. He eats every 2nd day or so. He defecates. That's it. No communication. He's not on life support. He's not on life sustaining medications. He just lays there.

When I think about my future, my end-of-life, I always assume I'm going to be able to talk until I die-- to communicate my wishes. If I turned into a vegetable, at some point I'd hope someone would give me end-of-life medications. Will doctors allow that? Our state allows assisted suicide. However, you must be awake and able to communicate. You must take the drugs yourself while an independent doctor watches. This is a complication for vegetables.

I need diet and exercise discipline that I don't abandon when we travel. At home I have no problems eating healthy, running and lifting weights regularly. 

When I travel... Exercise? Why? I'll catch up when I'm home. Dessert! Yes! Sure I'll take seconds. Oh, you want to get rid of the box of chocolates? Let me help!

It's good to be home. I love our bed. The dog was happy to see us. 

On the trip back we had about three hours of delays.

Now back to reality. I have gained about seven lbs. For the past two weeks I've indulged on sweets and fine food. The husband feels no sympathy for me. I don't have to eat every chocolate placed in front of me. That was my choice.

While we were away Seattle had a big dump of snow followed by floods. We seem to have avoided that. It's beautiful today. 

We have passed our COVID tests and made our way through Customs. The only things that can stop us now are the bad weather in Seattle or a screw up with the airlines.

I remain optimistic.

There were a few COVID travel learning lessons this time… maybe I don't need to spend two weeks in Ontario in the winter… That one sounds "well duh!"

The husband needs to get out for walks regularly. Pick places where we don't need long elevator rides.

We are still in Toronto. The week is a little frustrating. Omicron has caused the province to institute a lockdown-- indoor restaurant service is closed, so it's become difficult to meet up with old friends.

The husband is a real trooper here. He doesn't like being cooped up in our condo. The condo is OK, it's clean and quiet, but it's not set up for people to live and work for an extended period of time. He has been going for long walks in the afternoon to try and blow off some steam.

The night before the restaurant lockdown, the husband and went out for dinner with as many of my friends as were comfortable. We had an interesting discussion about COVID. These friends are all pro-science. Most of them are triple vaxed. They are all very tired of the lockdowns. This affects them more direct than I as many of them have kids and the lockdown means their children will now school from home.

There are no great answers here. I understand why someone would lash out against the restrictions. As Tommy says "it is what is is... Life Goes on... Life is OK."

 > Have a good 2022, if that is possible, Roderick. P.S

Hi Roderick! Welcome.

Bathwater, I see that people can reply to comments on your blog. How did you turn that on?

We are in Toronto now, visiting my old college buddies. We'e rented a condo workationing there for the week. 

I may have put my husband in a situation where he feels cooped up as the weather is cold so we can't get out of the condo that often.

Toronto is a bit more locked down than Seattle is. Even so, we have no problems going to restaurants. 

New Years Eve we went out for an outdoor light show at the Toronto Zoo. It was gorgeous.

Saturday was long walk along the waterfront with maybe a dozen other friends, their children and their spouses. Usually these friends have a large indoor New Years Day party. COVID canceled that (too many people indoors in one location) Hence the walk.

The walk felt good. For the past week I've been visiting, drinking coffee and eating sweets. Some activity is just what the doctor ordered.

Our home, Seattle has had a huge dump of snow. Toronto is above freezing and clear of snow. Our Toronto friends are bugging us about this.

Our aging parents is a large topic of conversation amongst my generation. We must love them and care for them while we can. 

For my future reference... all the people we visited last week...

Flew in Saturday the 25th. Flights were delayed and rescheduled owing to COVID, but we made it late in the day.

26th we drove to my brothers for a wonderful dinner. 

Monday... We had a social distant visit with my aunt R. She ended up being hospitalized later that day. Long story, but she is in her eighties and has been in and hospital for a while. 

Tuesday we visited my cousin B for coffee and then had dinner with my cousins A,A,H,M. 

H is a fine wood carver. He can make decoy ducks that almost look real. My parent's farm has a large bush around it. H and my Dad work together to fell the right trees and turn them into wood that H will later carve. He likes having access to the wood on their farm because he doesn't feel bad if he makes a mistake. Dad likes working with H to produce the wood.

Wednesday we cooked a nice lunch for my parents and my uncle J. In the afternoon we had coffee with a friend and old neighbor, N

Wednesday evening, the husband I took time off from visiting and had a great dinner at a local restaurant.

Thursday the husband and I had an outdoor visit with an old high school friend. In the afternoon we took care of mom while dad ran errands and visited my hospitalized aunt.

While we watched mom,, about every ten to fifteen minutes, mom would ask where dad was. We would patiently explain that he was visiting Aunt R. Mom would respond by telling us the same story about my aunt.

We have spent the past week in the Ottawa Valley, visiting my parents, family and friends.

The Valley has changed as lot since I was a young. Also-- I've grown up. I've gone from being a gay kid who wanted to get away, who spent years in Seattle ignoring his family as much as possible, to so someone who can appreciate the peace of the valley and is trying to build relationships with those I left behind.

The valley is less homophobic now. Also, I care less about that. I'm not mature enough to pick and choose my friends from those who accept us. I no longer worry about the harsh judgement from some of the family.

I come from a large extended family. Not counting the spouses, I have 14 uncles and aunts and well over 50 cousins. A good chunk of them are very nice people and we enjoy spending time with them-- they get along well with the husband.

My parents are getting old. Moms dementia is more pronounced every time I visit. Practically she can no longer be alone for more than a a few minutes. She easily gets lost. She can't remember what she did 10 minutes ago. Dad patiently stays with her every day. My brothers and I need to arrange some relief for him. 

Tomorrow we drive up to Toronto to visit other friends. I'm looking forward to this next leg of our trip. It will be a little more relaxed. Less obligation to see as many people as possible.

Bathwater comments…

>Wonder what it will be like when he faces his own death?

I am unsure what he will actually be like, but we have discussed this. It was similarly cavalier… if he can't wipe his ass or feed himself then he wants to blow his brains out

It was a bit of a roller coaster of a day. 

We got news that the husband's uncle passed away. He was in hospice and had been struggling for a while, so this was for the best.

Dinner was wonderful. 

C3's father isn't doing well and has been in hospice for two months. Today, C3 said his father has stopped eating.

C3 has always had a cavalier attitude about his father's decline. We discussed. He said people die. You have to get over it or it will drag you down for years. He brought up that his mother died, his stepmother died and one of his sisters died.

"I didn't know you has a second sister." 

"I don't talk about her" 

That said a lot.

Merry Christmas everyone! Happy Boxing Day & New Years.

This evening we will have our holiday dinner. It will be a small crowd-- our regular bubble. The husband has outdone himself and setup something special.

We have an excess of cookies, cakes and fudge. I've already started snacking. 

Tomorrow, we fly out to Ottawa & Toronto to visit my family. We shall see what happens with omicron. I've passed two COVID tests in the last week, so traveling is the big risk. Still, most everyone I know in Ontario is vaccinated. Most are boosted. 

Fingers crossed.

Work is quieting down for the holidays. Or rather, there are as many emergencies as ever, but there are fewer people to act on them, or to complain about the lack of action...

We had a minor COVID scare. COVID inconvenience really. On December 8th, I was in our office for a small holiday get-together. A week and a half later, December 15, I received a notification that someone at the get-together had tested positive for COVID. I felt fine. None the less we went out and got a rapid test. And yes, they came back negative.

The testing site was chaotic and slow. We will be traveling to Ontario next week to visit family, so we will need to be retested 72 hours before we depart. Will leave my self much buffer time.

Last night we had had dinner with Clem and Bates. This was the first time I've seen Bates since he retired back in June. They have been traveling *alot* Europe. Multiple Trips to Oregon. California. Mexico. Hawaii. 

Bates has gained much weight. Easily 50 lbs. I'm worried about him. 

But, he is enjoying himself.

Once a week we visit the mother-in-law. We assemble new furniture. Play games with her. Have dinner together. Just chat.

She can be very grumbly. This really bugs the husband. I can listen to her complaints and not respond. The husband needs to pushback-- to give her feedback. This frequently escalates to verbal arguments. 

I'm not going to fault the husband for this. He has probably had to push back against his mother since childhood least she steam role him. His emotions don't quit understand that she is now powerless over him, unless he gives her power.

I've started to go into work a couple times a week. I'm aiming for Wednesdays and Fridays. The introverts on my team could work from home forever. The extraverts are frustrated that no-one ever goes into the office.

So I'll straddle the line and do a little of both.

We have a nice office that could easily hold one hundred people. On any given day half a dozen will show up. They company has started bringing in lunch. There is free beer. And yet...

Last night, on my way home, I walked by a large condo. Someone high up, about the twentieth floor, was throwing stuff out the window. TVs. Speakers. Clothing. Dishes. Heavy things. They hit road and shattered. A few things hit the roofs of passing cars. I don't know what the end story was. The police were arriving as I walked away.

I had Thanksgiving week off work. I'm surprised how fast it went. I didn't do much. I did hardly anything that I planned to do. Yet time flew.

We had a eight people over for Thanksgiving, including a neighbor. We began cooking around eight am for a three pm dinner. There was much prep. I swear we ran the dishwasher twice before the guests arrived and another two times after.

The meal turned out well though. I enjoyed the turkey. Am still eating the leftovers today,

It's official. I am now an American. We are having a couple celebrations this weekend. The drinking friends tonight. The sober friends on Saturday.

The husband is more excited about this than I am. For me this was a very practical decision. I've lived in the U.S. for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. My home, savings and investments are in America. I'm going to be here, probably till I die, so lets just make the relationship official.

I've looked up some of what changes when you are an American v.s. a permanent resident. Of course I get the right to vote. I can also participate in jury duty. 

I can no longer be kicked out of the country for crimes of moral turpitude. That sounds like a challenge until you look up what moral turpitude actually is.

C2 has received a guide to "The Dying Experience" from his father's hospice. He says his father is in the "One To Two Weeks" category. 

Mostly, C2 is angry at his father.  Quote... "my asshole dad abdicated personal responsibility 20 years ago." It sounds like his father, for the past 20 years, has just been sitting around, watching TV and drinking and eating, especially sweets. He put no effort into anything else. Not trying to rebuild his relationship with his kids. Not doing anything out side of eating, drinking and watching TV.

 

I have been playing bachelor this week. The husband is in Hawaii for work. 

I'm not jealous that the husband is in Hawaii. There will be other opportunities  for me to join him there. We did discuss me working in Honolulu for the week. The travel and the time difference would have been a pain. 

I've been enjoying my solitude. When it's not raining hard, I've been going on hikes and long walks with the dog. I finished off the jigsaw puzzle. I've been listening to music. Learning about Samba, Bossa Nova and Tango.

C2's father is 

 > Don't jinx yourself :). A normal life never seems to happen.

Of course not! C2's father has taken a turn for the worse. He is moving to hospice later today. Our house is much closer to the father's than C2's current place, so C2 is staying here until things are sorted out.

C2 doesn't have fond memories of his father or his childhood. His mother died in a car accident when he was four. His step mother died of leukemia a few years later. His father was distant and harsh. C2 moved in with a friend's family when he was 16. He joined the navy when he was 18.

C2 has always been quiet about his life before I met him. I can see why. There is not much he wants to remember.

Halloween-- It was good this year.  We had about forty kids. It was an early Halloween. Kids started showing up around 4:30. They stopped showing up by 7:00 so we turned out our lights by 7:30

The half empty bag of candy still sits on the kitchen counter. I'm going to throw it out. I don't trust myself to only eat one piece a day. I'll gorge.

It's a gorgeous day today. Nice reprieve from the wind and rain that we've been having.

The mother-in-law is in her new apartment. 

We had a large amount of wind and rain on Thursday and Friday. Of course her stuff arrived on Thursday.

I am surprised how much work it takes to setup even a small apartment.

By late Saturday morning, enough of her apartment with set up that we took a break. We took a walk around her neighborhood on her new scooter. The neighborhood is nice but older. Not all the sidewalks are scooter friendly. They are not hard to navigate around once you know the alternate route.

Hopefully the husband and I can now resume our normal life.

It's been a rainy and windy weekend.

We visited the mother-in-laws new place. Took a few things to it. Set up the wifi. The place is very nice. She is looking forward to moving in.

There is still no news on when her stuff will arrive. We are contemplating getting her a bed and a few other necessities so that she can move in before her stuff arrives. The retirement home covers her meals so she won't need much. This would let her meet her neighbors rather than hang around our place all day.

 

Last night we had dinner with C2, his step-brother and the mother-in-law. This was C2's idea. His step-brother is in town for a week and C2 was looking for ways to entertain him. 

The dinner turned out well. This was the first time I've met C2's step-brother so there was a bit of risk the dinner would be volatile

On the mother-in-law front-- she has sold her car and given up her drivers license. I feel a little sad that she has accepted that she is in decline. Of course her whole move to Seattle was driven by that fact. Giving up your mobility though, that's a big step.

Mother-in-law may be with us for the next two or three weeks. The mover in Sacramento told her that it would only take a week to transport her stuff. Now that she is Seattle, the Seattle branch of the mover has said it will take much longer. Frustrating for everyone.

The moving company has been hanging up on the mother-in-law when she calls. This may be because the mother-in-law has been calling and poking too often, too aggressively. It may also be because something is wrong with the mover. 

 > Congratulations, it is always good to have options :)

Yes. Now I have access to those fabulous "American Privileges" like jury duty, voting, and being able to be run for the House or Senate.

I've been a permanent resident for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. It was time to take the next step.

C2 has a security clearance. He thanked me for getting my citizenship as it's less paperwork for him-- he must report relationships with foreign nationals.

 

After two years, my citizenship has been approved! 

I don't yet know when I'll take the oath. Sometime in the next month I'll be mailed a card with a date.

I am home. C2 and I cleaned up the place and set up a room for the mother-in-law. 

The husband and the mother-in-law are about an hour away. They took two days to make the journey from Sacramento.

C2 is planning to stay at a friend's weekend-home while the mother-in-law is here. It's a cabin on an island that's about ninety minutes from Seattle. It will be a good base for him while he continues to house hunt.

Our trip is coming to end. We fly back Friday. 

We have had a great time exploring. Kauai is gorgeous. 

For the first time in years, I've spent more than an hour away from my cell phone.

Reality will return quickly once we are back in Seattle. Saturday, the husband will fly down to Sacramento to drive his mother up for her new life in the Pacific North West. She will stay with us until her stuff arrives from Sacramento.

C2, who is still crashing at our place, and I will need to work this out. If he can entertain a little old lady every day for a few hours, then he may be useful to have around.

There are many feral chickens here. They flock in the parks. They flock around picnic tables, around people eating outdoors. The super aggressive ones will hop up on your table and dash for your sandwich.

> Well, if I ever get to Hawaii, I will be doing all I can :)

Personal scheduling… the husband and I take opposite approaches. I like to keep my schedule clear with fewer commitments and plenty of downtime. I am comfortable winging it. Sometimes at the end of a trip, I will wish I did more, prepared more. 

The husband likes to fill his schedule up visiting the sites, exploring, driving around  towns, walking around neighborhoods, visiting old coworkers who happen to be in the same place, maybe stumbling on condos or hotels that look nice for future trips. He prefers a schedule thats full and predictable, with most of the problems thought through up front.  Sometimes in the middle of things he will exclaim that he is overcommitted and needs some downtime. 

We do balance each other. 

We are in Kauai, Hawaii for a week. It is wonderful here. When the husband asked me what I wanted to do here, I told him that I wanted to feel boredom. I haven't felt that in so long.

I was not on the approved list for the COVID booster. I was only scheduled to get a flu shot. While the nurse was reviewing my paperwork, I asked if I could also get a COVID booster. She looked over my vaccine card, a picture on my cell phone, then she said it was over six months since I've had my second vaccine and I could have a booster.

October--

Two years ago in October I left my big old job and started the hunt for someplace new.

Twenty years ago in October, I started this blog. 

So much has happened in twenty years. Hell-- so much has changed in two. There are a few constants. I've known the husband for most of that time. (Love you sweetie if you are reading this!) Most of my old friends are still my friends. Most everything else has been through the blender.

It makes me cautious about forward planning. The husband and I have been discussing retirement. We think we could do it in five or six years.  It sounds so easy-- keep working, save money, retire. The next five years probably won't be simple and straight forward though. Got only knows what twists and turns are on the road ahead. 

 

The husband is off to Sacramento to help ready his mother for her move to Seattle. 

Late afternoon, I had my flu shot and my COVID booster. The nurse explained that the side effects of the COVID booster would be similar to those my second shot of the original vaccine.

Perhaps I will use these as an excuse to have an extra cocktail tonight and lay round tomorrow. 

Today was C2's last day of work. He too is moving to Seattle. Tomorrow he will start on a road trip to Seattle. When he gets here, he will spend a few weeks with us until he finds a place to stay.

 "I'm not looking for your opinion, but I am looking for your input." 

The mother-in-law is selling her home. One of the buyers has asked for her to hold the mortgage. The husband, of course, thinks this is a terrible idea. The mortgage is for thirty years. The mother-in-law is eighty four. If anything goes wrong then it will be up to the husband to fix.

The mother in law doesn't seem to care about that risk. During their discussion, the mother-in-law said "I'm not looking for your opinion, but I am looking for your input."

It would be funny if there wasn't so much at stake.

The brother-in-law, the husband and I have started constantly using that line with each other.

Would the brother-in-law moving to PV be a a good thing? 

No. In all honesty this is probably the start of his next manic episode. He will eventually kill himself if moves to PV. 

What are my obligations through this? 

None. I am very certain that that things will get worse if I (or the husband) try to intervene. The brother-in-law is proud of his independence. It will blow up if we gently move to keep him safe. He will push harder to show us how well he can do on his own.

The husband and I flew down to Santa Barbara for the weekend. It was a work-award trip for the husband. Last year his team was a top seller. So I met and hung out with his coworkers. They are a good group of people. I'm sure everyone was on their best behavior. None the less, I enjoyed myself.

I am amazed with the resilience of the brother in law. 

He has started delivering for Door Dash on his bicycle.

He is taking a "How to teach ESL" course. He is looking to move to Puerto Vallarta to live on the cheap and will teach ESL to supplement his income. 

I'm not sure what income he has.

Summer is ending. It's cooler  out. The rains are returning. I've turned off the sprinkler and the AC.

The husband flew down to Sacramento to help his mother sell off her things. She is downsizing and moving to Seattle. Part of the challenge is that she thinks her things are way more valuable than the are. Especially in a time when COVID has hurt the 2nd hand furniture and collectables market.

Saturday, I hosted a small picnic for one of my teams. It really enjoyed the time.

I've hired most of them over zoom. This was the first time we've met in person.

This past week, the husband and I have watched a couple of planned vacations become restricted to the point where we probably can't go.

About a year ago we bought a European cruise scheduled for December 2021. There should be vaccines by then! This will all be over by then! Now, with the delta variant, travel restrictions have grown to the point that we've had to cancel.  

Last year the husband won an work-awards trip to Basel Switzerland. COVID canceled that. Instead he was given a trip to Hawaii. This morning we received an email asking visitors of Hawaii to stay away

Our new plan is just to take some time off, and see what's available when the time gets close. Things are too fluid to make long term plans.

Personally, I'd be happy renting a cabin along the Pacific North West ocean, and just storm watching for a week.

Labor day weekend was a great ending to summer.

Saturday, we went to the State Fair with QJ & C6. Afterwards we went back to their place, to swim, play games and have dinner.

C6 and QJ are *very* social. They said that over the last year, they've had 30 couples over for swimming, games and ice cream. Outdoors to be COVID safe. I believe it. They have always made an effort to get to know everyone.

Sunday, evening we had dinner with Evan, Allen, a friend of theirs and our brother in law. 

Today the brother in law hosted a small party at the rowing club. 

The brother in law is doing much better. He said he can now take deep and full breaths without coughing or pain.

Over the weekend, we went to an AA gay men's retreat. We've gone to this retreat four times now. I always enjoy it. It's as much a social thing as it is work on a twelve step program. Indeed, the social parts of the retreat are the reasons for its existence. Many recovering addicts have burned their past relationships. The retreat was created as an opportunity to make new acquittances and catch up with old.

I'm always a little bit of an odd duck at this retreat in that I'm not an addict and not sober. None the less, there are a few regular attendees at the retreat that I would like to stay in touch with. 

There is an author who moves around the country depending on the time. of year. He spends early summer in Alaska. He likes August in the Pacific North West.

There is another man, who only has one  leg. In his past life, he lived around the world. I say "lived around the world" and not "traveled around the world" He lived in many countries in Asia and Central America until his travels came to an end when he lost his leg in Mexico. Now he lives full time in PV, though he spends a month a year in the PNW. He is one of the calmest and most approachable people I've met. 

Hmmm. What does it say about me that I want a few friends who are nomads? Perhaps I am traveling by proxy.

 Actually... the brother-in-law has pneumonia, psittacosis, c-diff *and* valley fever. 

I'm googling these diseases. The county is doing contract tracing on him. What the hell did he do?

The brother in law has psittacosis-- bird chlamydia. Google it. It's a real thing. Apparently, just before his big bender, a sick wild bird found its way into his apartment. He tried to care for it for a bit. 

The psittacosis caused a very bad pneumonia in him while he was drinking.

He is home now-- on an oxygen machine and three antibiotics. 

C6 is also on the mend. Eventually he went to the hospital and received the COVID antibiotic super-treatment. 

The husband is loosing weight at a healthy pace.

Socially, all is good. Work is stressful. But home is good.

 And something I haven't mentioned-- the husband had bariatric surgery a couple of weeks ago while I was away in Ontario. His plan. He know he would be in a fowl mood after his surgery so he didn't want me around. 

He's lost 25lbs so far and is looking good. 

The brother-in-law is in and out of the hospital. They are not sure what he has. They have given him many tests. 

C6 has COVID. He was vaccinated, but has a heart transplant and is on immunosuppressants. C6 and his husband, QJ, went down to Lazy Bear last week. Their room mates down their tested positive. Two days later C6 had it.

QJ says C6 is in pain. His oxygen is good. QJ is discussing with C6's medical people if C6 should go to the hospital.

Going to Lazy Bear when you are on immunosuppressants... It's easy for me to roll my eyes at that as I'm comfortable isolating. C6 has always been super social. COVID has been a major stress for him.

And me... I'm doing well. Sunday was Bate's official retirement party. Sunday evening Allen and Evan were over for dinner and games.

Tuesday was National Night out. It is a night where our community gets to meet each other and our local police. National Night out is probably our neighborhoods largest social event.

We take over a local park, setup many inflatable kids activities, have face painting, clowns, balloon art, side walk chalk drawings and free hotdogs, ice cream and samosas. The husband and I have volunteered for this for a few years. The husband cooks and serves hotdogs and samosas. I am the gopher. I empty the garbage, hand out water bottles, substitute for volunteers when they need it (I made and served popcorn for about an hour only burning two batches) and help on whatever crises crop op.

There were two crises this year.

The relish... Usually the someone from the committee buys a dozen bottles of squeezable relish for the event. This year he couldn't find squeezable relish in the store. He bought squeeze bottles and big bottles of relish at Costco. That relish was too chunky to squirt out of the squeeze bottles. So we cut the squeeze bottles to open up the hole. No luck. The relish was still to chunky. So we blended the relish and then put it in the squeeze bottles. Success.

Second crises... the samosas. Last year we served up about two hundred samosas. There are plenty of vegetarians in the neighborhood and the samosas offer them something instead of hot dogs. 

Thirty minutes before the event started, I drove over to another volunteers house to pick up the samosas. They were still frozen. Last year we bought pre-cooked samosas from a local restaurant. This year the guy in charge of buying the food tried to save money by buying two hundred raw frozen samosas. We didn't know about this until the last minute.

"But the instructions say just put them in the oven at 350F for 15 minutes!"

Two hundreds raw frozen samosas don't fit into one or two ovens. We split them into ten trays. The volunteer baked six of the trays in her two ovens and on her BBQ. I baked the remaining in my oven and on my BBQ. I think about half of the samosas baked properly. The other half welded themselves to the tray, or baked into a large mass.

We showed up to the party thirty minutes late, but with enough samosas to satisfy a few families.

When we ran out we just said "The samosas were very popular. We'll get more this year."

The guy who bought the frozen samosas apologized. Next year we'll use the restaurant again.

Am now flying back to Seattle from Toronto.

Had a bit of excitement over my return COVID-test. When you return to the U.S. you need a covid test within 72 hours before departure. For the last two days of my trip, I was with my parents who live in the middle of no-where. The nearest test-site to my parents was a county run and not set up to process anyone who didn't have a Canadian health card, so...

Fortunately Toronto is well setup. I worked with a friend in Toronto who is a travel agent. We found a company near the airport that does rapid tests. I left my parents a little early on Sunday, made the five hour drive to Toronto and got my COVID test.

My parents eat a lot of sausage, egg, potato, ham, bread and cheese. And cookies and coffee. Don't forget the cookies and coffee. My stomach feels bogged down after a few meals with them. 

I had lunch with my cousin today. She has a similar problem with her parents. These stubborn old people-- eating what's convenient. We commiserated over salads. 

I used to be happy that my parents all lived near their brothers and sisters. My hope was that they could take care of each other in an emergency. Now I see that they are all old. The young ones are in their late seventies. Half of them have lost their drivers licenses. They are not going to be able to take care of each other.

Life at my parents is very tranquil. At least for now. This summer in the Ottawa Valley is very pleasant with enough heat and rain they everything growing like crazy.

We had breakfast with an uncle and an aunt this morning. They are all getting old. Maybe they are talking themselves into an early grave... 

A couple years ago at my aunts last eye doctor appointment, she was informed that that doctor now does everything online. It would be more convenient if she scheduled appointments or got reminders that way. My aunt decided that she had enough with harassment from that doctor and hasn't gone back since. Of course there are no either eye doctors in this neck of the woods. So she is slowly going blind with aging eye glasses.

 

I had a great first week in Toronto. Toronto is coming out of it's pandemic lockdown, so while I hung out with my friends, they were hanging out with people for the first time in weeks.

My friends are all vaccinated now.  and mostly we stayed outdoors. Toronto is having a lovely summer. It was easy to watch movies in the back yard, or take a long walk along the lake.

I drove from Toronto to my parents on Sunday. It's a five hour drive. They live way out in small town Ontario.

They are doing well. Dad, who had his knees replaced over winter, is walking just fine for a seventy seven year old man. Mother is starting to be a little more wobbly when she walks. It's especially noticeable when she gets out of the truck. 

Monday, I had breakfast with them in the morning. After that, I drove back to my hotel and worked there for the day. In the evening I returned to their place, had a late dinner with them and a couple of drinks. We watched a little TV together. Then I said goodbye and drove back to the hotel.

I am in Toronto. Other Canadian friends in WA were curious about what I went through to travel, so I write this up... 

My journey had much testing and showing documentation.

Direct daytime flights were *very* expensive. I ended up taking a red-eye that flew through Chicago.

Needed a COVID test in Seattle before departure. There is a list of accepted partners on the WA State COVID website. I used a drive though test run by GS Health in Bellevue. They were fast. I am reluctant about giving positive feedback to anyone who sticks a q tip up my nose. Outside that, I'd recommend them.

Upload your data in ArriveCan (Canadian Immigration Service) before departure. You can only do this after your negative test, and within 72 hours of your flight. You will need to provide an address you can quarantine at, should it come to that.

Air Canada checked documentation in Chicago. (ArriveCan receipt, Proof of Vaccination. Proof of Negative Covid Test) They were turning away people. I saw an American wife of a Canadian get turned away because fully vaccinated Americans are not yet allowed in Canada for optional reasons.

After I arrived in Toronto, my documentation was checked multiple times by multiple people. No intense grilling over specifics. The officials just read the documents, then checked and added stamps to my passport.

There was another post arrival COVID test after immigration. This will go faster if you setup an account with Switch Health beforehand.

Finally, I was given "Instructions for Canadians with Vaccine Exemptions" and sent me on my way.

I will need to have another COVID test before I return to the USA. So I found a provider near my Parents and scheduled an appointment three days before my return.

All told I needed to create accounts with three health providers for my COVID tests and then create an ArriveCan account for immigration. I needed to provide proof of vaccination and proof of a negative COVID test. I had paper on online copies of both.

The borders have opened up enough that I will fly back to Ontario, Canada for a couple weeks to visit family and friends. I haven't seen my parents in two years, so it's time. Currently non-Canadian's can't easily enter without quarantining so the husband will stay in Seattle.

Of course cross-border travel now has much testing and paperwork. Three COVID tests total. First is a pre-flight test which I had yesterday. The second is a a post arrival test which will be administered after I land in Toronto. I'll have my third test before I fly back to Seattle.

The brother-in-law is still in the hospital and is slowly recovering. The plan is that next week he will be released from the hospital. He'll spend a few days at our house with the husband. He'll go through his outpatient treatment here. 

The husband is at the brother-in-law's apartment today, working with our house cleaner to deep clean it. This is more than I would have done for the brother-in-law, but the husband really wants to help.

Saturday story... For the first time since COVID the husband and I went out for an evening. We stayed up past 9pm! We met friends for dinner on Capital Hill then saw a band.

Capital Hill is in full recovery after last years protests. Restaurants and bars are open again. Street life is bustling.

The city is still allowing the "open air" accommodations made for COVID. This means that many restaurants have tables out into the sidewalks. Some of the smaller streets were closed and operating as a street fair.

It's nice to see a vibrant Capital Hill again.

The brother in law is still in the hospital. He can talk now, but quickly becomes tired.

The husband and I went to the brother-in-laws apartment after the hospital visit. The apartment was disgusting. Garbage was everywhere. The place smelt of piss and rot. Maggots were in the garbage. Blueberries were every where. All over the carpet. All over the kitchen floor. Rotting meat was also on the floor. The husband suspects that during the heat wave the brother-in-law took frozen food out of his freezer and used it to cool. 

We threw out anything rotten. Anything that was attracting bugs or mice. Then we placed traps and sprayed the place down with bug killer.

We agree that the brother-in-law is on his way to a quick death especially if he continues to live alone. We are talking amongst ourselves to figure out who, how and wen we have this conversation with him. When he is sober he is a bright, creative and hardworking guy. But every now and then...

The brother-in-law is in a real pickle. He is still largely unconscious. He has alcohol induced hepatitis, pneumonia and some kind of blood infection. His electrolytes refuse to get into balance. He has lost a tooth and looks like shit.

This is all hard on the husband. The husband really loves his brother and deeply wants to help him. I have to watch my tongue as I feel no sympathy for the brother-in-law. The brother-in-law has been having alcoholic meltdowns for decades. For just as long, the husband has been rescuing him from the brink

The brother-in-law is not going to stay sober with a little more love, a little more help, and a renewed commitment to AA. The brother-in-law needs a radically different situation. Maybe he needs a conservatorship. Maybe he needs to be a ward of the state. Maybe we need to accept that it's just a matter of time before he drinks himself to death.

The brother-in-law is in the hospital being detoxed. Sunday two old friends dropped in to check on him. He place was a mess. He was barely coherent. 

The husband is trying to stay uninvolved. This is really hurting him.

 

July 4, Bates took us to visit his model train club. These aren't little toy trains. They are 1:8 working trains, powerful enough to tow twenty more more seated passengers over three miles of track.

I'm fascinated by the amount of effort that goes into this. There are many different types of trains-- real steam trains. Diesel trains. Electric Trains. Each attracts a different type of train geek. 

We have hot water again! Praise Jesus!

We quickly spent in the upper four figures to address this— plumbers, flood restoration, drywall contractor, new hot water tank and a pressure regulator for the house. Insurance should cover much of it. I'm thankful we had enough savings and big credit cards to see it through.