Last night I had dinner with Steven. He regrets calling me up on the phone and telling me he found out about the journal. He wishes he toyed with me for a while.

We had dinner in old Bellevue, (if there is such a thing. Bellevue was built after 1970) In the 5.5 years I've lived in Seattle, I've never been to that area. There are a lot of cool restaurants there. We had dinner at Chantanee. It's supposed to be a great restaurant and the place was packed. It didn't turn out good for us. The lemon coconut soup was weak. Main course was good.

Steven got sick later on that night. I'm fine. It could just be something that's going around.

I'm done most of the hard work soldering on the pre-amp. I have to do some cleanup. Then test it.

On to what I'm actually doing today.

I'm playing hookey. I'm trying to finish off the pre-amp. It's hard. A big blob of solder accidentally shorted two finely placed wires. When I unsoldered the blob, the heat unsoldered the wires.

Soldering is like using fence posts for chop sticks. Frustrated, I went out and got a posible magnifying glass. The magnifying glass helps. Though, soldering is still like using fence posts for chopsticks, but now I can see!

Hey John. I'm not going to end this, though the tone may change now that people I know are reading. I've gone through a lot of the archives and there isn't a lot of incriminating evidence. Except for that one time Vic gave me a BJ in Steven's house while our friends ran interference.

Just kidding Steve.

Steven and the Sleuth (Vic's friend who first found these pages) have started sending me emails and using the pseudo-names, though they said they won't tell anyone else.

The Sleuth emailed this..

Hi man,
Hope your day goes well in Seattle. I’m the sleuth, who cracked the case of the pb. When I sent a few pages to Vic, he then decoded the identities of the innocent. Here is a copy of the page that triggered the initial CICS activities.I just read your recent entry about being busted. Hope we didn’t scare you too much. Sounds like Steven tormented you a bit about it. Please feel free to email anytime.

Take care eh,


Steven sent me this...

This is Stephen, your buddy you mention in your chronicles. It was only last night that you were busted by my friend we will call Sleuth in Victoria and my boy friend Vic. We were all a little surprised of what we found. We have all agreed that your chronicle is quite cool and we will not be disclosing information about such a place. I would have only loved to have been there when you were listening to me on the phone last night. WHY DIDNT I WAIT TO SEE YOUR FACE IN PERSON?
...

Barry, want to have dinner tonight? I think we should discuss your plan of action of what to do next. Do you pull it? Do you keep it? Lets talk about the consequences of this and if anyone else learns of your idenity!!! For now, I think you are safe. I personally would like to see you continue it. I have never seen you as that vulnerable but this shows you have substance to write down your thoughts and feelins whether anyone reading or your friends will agree is irrevelant. They are your thoughts and your feelings.

Your buddy,

Stephen

To the sleuth's in Victoria. Congratulations!

For the rest of you, I've been busted.

For the past 3 years I've kept this journal secret from my friends. Tonight that changed. Steven called me up and said "I'm laughing really hard and have to tell you something. Vic and his friend were searching the web for "PB" and this web site poped up."

Vic and Steven have read just about everything-- Steven mentioned entries that I wrote years ago. They've pieced together most of the names.

I don't know if I like this. I was sweating bullets while I was on the phone with Steven. Steven says he was impressed that I've been doing this for so long. Part of me wants to yank this off the web-- before someone else finds it.

I need to digest this. I'm going to start rereading most of my entries. Just to see how much dirt there is.

For some reason my hit counter has doubled over the past two weeks. Does it mean that more people are reading this journal? It could also mean that spam spiders, programs that search the web for email addresses to spam, are out in full force.

Tonight I had dinner with Steven. He does remember the longshore-man from Vancouver.

Steven is going through a lot of stress. You can hear it in his tone-of-voice. He's less perky than he usually is.

We talked a bit about the war. I told him that the war hasn't really affected me. Yes people are fighting and dying. But that's always the case-- Rwanda, Columbia, Zimbabwe, Congo, North Korea. The only thing that's different now is that it's on TV. I hope that after the war, people won't think it's over. That once Iraq becomes a free place to live, that this sort of thing will slip from our minds. Two thirds of the world lives under terrible conditions, not in the peacful, easy society we have in the west. Iraq is only the tip of the iceburg.

I went up to Vancouver for Saturday night. I ended up running into a lot of guys from Seattle. Strange. I went to Vancouver to get away from Seattle, but it followed me there. I did meet a nice guy in Vancouver. He used to be a longshore man. He just quit and is going back to school. He said he know Steven. I'll ask Steven and see if he recoginizes the name.

I had dinner and watched the Oscar's with Bruce and C3. C3 was glad Bowling for Columbine won the oscar for Best Documentary. Michael McDonough, the cinematographer for BfC, is a good friend of C3's and owes C3 a few favors. Now C3 is hoping to get some work through him.

Spam...

My main email account has been getting a lot of spam. So I opened up two new accounts to see what would happen. For one account my email address is my first initial and my last name. The other account consists of ten random letters. Today the account that starts with my initials is receiving spam! I haven't used the address at all, and it's getting spam! I knew they were throwing telephone books at hotmail, but I didn't think it was that bad. The account that is made up of ten random letters is still clean.

A co-worker, KC, is very sick and in the hospital. An interesting dilemma has poped up-- should we call his family? KC didn't call his family when he checked in. Also, the emergency contact is not a family member. A friend tried to ask KC, but KC is heavily sedated. KC mumbled "No. It would just worry them."

Do we trust the judgement of someone who is heavily sedated? What would you do?

So last night as the War with Iraq was starting, C2, the PB and I went and saw Ellen Degeneres. The show was sold out. The audience was three quarters lesbian.

Unfortunatly, they taped the show for an HBO special-- that probably made the show less raunchy. I thought the show was ok. C2 said the show stank. They rest of the guys liked it.

C2 ended up spending the night at my place. My truck had to spend the night at a garage for some service. So, C2 drove me around. Rather than drop me off, drive to his place, sleep, drive back to my place and then pick me up, we slept together again. No sex this time.

Weirdness Part Three.

I had lunch with C5 today. C5 is Harry's ex. Today, for the first time in nine months, Harry called C5. C5 said that Harry said "Hi" to me. I told C5 that Harry has been giving me the silent treatment for the past year. C5 said "That's weird. Harry acted like you two were good friends."

C5 speculates that Harry has burned a lot of bridges and is running out of friends.

Weirdness. Part One.

Wells Fargo set me junk mail via overnight courier. When I got home tonight there was a sealed Fed Ex overnight express package at the door. When I opened it up-- junk mail.

Weirdness. Part Two.

Some guy named Al called me up and said "Hey Barry, what are you doing this Saturday? I have tickets to a play..." I have no idea who Al is. I've dug through my email and can't find any from someone named Al. I think I'll call Behr up and ask him if he knows.

Sunday I installed a wireless network at home. This blog entry is beamed from my computer to the web, through a wireless network. It's kind of cool.

Setting up the network was easy. Then I started tinkering. It was amazing how easily slight tweaks would bring things down. Everything is up and healthy now. My computers are talking to each other (TommyBoy and Snookums) But, there was a lot of frustration along the way.

The cool thing about home-wireless is that you can see all the networks near by-- there are two other networks in my neighbourhood. Maybe I should open my network up to the general public. Just to see what happens. Right now I've turned up all the encryption settings, so I should have lots of privacy.

Afterwards, I went out with Behr to the Cuff. We had two pichers of beer. Behr and I drink a lot. We need to cut down. He wanted to go out tonight (St Patricks) but I didn't feel like drinking more beer.

The Cuff is geting quiet. I'm going to start going to other bars.

Yesterday I had one of those great days that you don't plan for. Now that I've reread it, the story is kind of lame. But still, I want to remember it.

Right now the Snoqualmie Falls are very big. The snow is melting in the mountains, swelling the rivers. So Friday I sent around an email to a bunch of Friends saying "Hey, let's hike down to the bottom of the falls. Meet Saturday at 11am at the top."

Saturday at 11am, only the Tease showed up. A bit disappointing but cool. I don't often get a chance to spend time alone with the Tease. At the same time, nothing is going to happen between us, so whatever

When we got the bottom of the falls the view was increadible. Even better, you could hike around the edge and get very close the falls. We were covered in mist.

After a bit we pulled back and started sunned on a rock. That's when Steven and Mat showed up.

We hung around and walked up close to the falls again. Then made our way back up to the top.

That's when Behr caught up to us. I think he wanted to see the falls, but he didn't want to hike down and up. So, he delayed his arrival.

Had lunch in North Bend at Twede's, the place where they filmed part of Twin Peaks. That's where Bruce and C3 caught up to us. (Aren't Cell Phones great)

After that we hiked around Lake Tradition.

After that coffee.

After that a spaghettii dinner at Bruce and C3's

All in all, a great social, outdoors day.

Saturday we had a big group dinner at Picorra's Pizza. About 14 guys showed. It was a good dinner.

Sunday I worked on my amplifier. The soldering is stressfull. There are so many small parts. It's hard to keep them in place.

Monday night I had dinner with Steven. The buyer for his house fell through so he's kind of bumbed about it. After dinner I worked on the amplifier again. I think I'm getting better at soldering. It wasn't as stressfull as Sunday.

Oh yeah. For the first time since I cracked my rib, about six weeks. I'm 99% better. Some exercises still bug the rib, but I'm 99% better. Too bad hockey is almost over.

I'm buying lots of stuff lately. I'm building my own stereo amplifier from spare parts. Through the mail, I received most of the parts on Thursday. So I've been driving around buying the remaining pieces.

Last night over dinner, we noticed that Dan Savage used the phrase "Google their kinks." i.e. Go to Google.Com and use it to search for your kinks. I asked who had done so. Everyone begrudingly admitted they had. We also laughed that Google has become a mainstream word.

After dinner, I ran into Behr and the Tease. We ended up at the Cuff and drank a lot. This weird guy kept cruising and chatting with me. Then he'd take offense at something minor-- if I looked briefly at Behr for example-- and walk away muttering about how I wasn't interested in him. Then a few minutes later, he'd start cruising and chatting with me again.

That cycle happened at least half a dozen times. It's too bad he was so weird because he was kind of cute.

Now C2 has quit the company. He gave his two weeks notice today. He did it for a few reasons. One, the investigation into the software theft. He's hoping if he leaves then the company will forget about it. Two, he wants a real career. His job at the company is very menial with no opportunities for advancement. He wants to take some time off of work, take a few courses and get a real job.

C2 hasn't told anyone but me and his manager. Today we had lunch with the Company Bears and he didn't say a thing.

Tonight I had about 10 guys over for a chili dinner. Again, C2 was here but he didn't mention that he quit. Bruce was also here. He too didn't mention that he was fired.

Dinner was good. Conversation was good. Let me try and remember who was here. Mat & Sandy, John, Bruce & C3, C2, C6 & J, the Tease, Behr, Officer Bob & Faf.

I've never made chili for that many people before. The Tease and Mat helped. They brought other courses, so I only had to worry about the chili.

I just got this from Bruce...

Hey Barry,
A couple of things I have to tell.

First, I got fired from CompanyX yesterday. I knew it was coming but it was so long in coming that it was still a shock in the end. I wasn't really ready for it. I thought it would have been better to get fired than to quit (because of unemployment). However time will tell on this one. You can let everyone else know. I don't have anything to hide and I would rather everyone know the truth.

One thing: I do need a copy of CompanyX software. You said you might have enough in your account to purchase this for me.

What are my plans? Well first I have to get to Canada to apply for UI. Next I have to start applying for work down here. I want to work a further 6 months in the US. C3 and I will be moving to Canada this summer or fall (hopefully and not before), He for work and me to get into the film business.

Second, I don't know about C3 and I showing up on Thursday night. Given what has happened I'm in a bit of a rut but I should probably just get back on the horse and ride through this. Still it's not everyone who gets fired from CompanyX.

Finally, I didn't hear back about working on the prints on your computer / printer. If you have any objections, that's okay but I have to know so I can let the rest of the film crew know.

I'll be around today here at home. Give me a call. Luckily C3 is back to hold me together.

Last night we celebrated John's birthday at Mat and Sandy's. Mat and Sandy went all out with the food. We also saw the season premier of Six Feet Under. It was the first time I saw it. It's an ok show. I didn't really like it, but some of the people at the party were raving about it.

Friday I had lunch with C5. He mentioned a minor tiff he had with his BF. That kind of news always makes me feel good, because I think C5 is hot and want him to leave his BF, and date me.

Yeah, I'm selfish.

Saturday C2, Mac, John and I hiked up Rattle Snake Ledge Most of the photos are of C2. C2 mentioned that I rarely take photos of myself. FYI that's me in Rattle Snake Ridge 003

Saturday evening, C6 showed Pink Flamingos at his place. Pink Flamingos is a really disgusting movie. There is a plot, but the only point of the plot is to let the characters do really sick things. One character has sex with a chicken. Another ties sausages to his dick and flashes women with it.

There is a lot more, but I won't give any more away.

Thursday I went snowboarding with C3. This was the first exercise I've had since I cracked my rib. It felt good to be outdoors and moving.

On the way back, C3 and I talked about Steven's dinner party. C3 said his heart went pitter-patter when he saw Steven. Right now things are a bit rough between Bruce and C3. They'll work it out. But still it was weird to hear C3 admit he has a crush on someone.else.

Just taking it easy. Had dinner with Steven, Mathew and Ryan. Steven, vert tactfully, let it be known that he thought Mathew was, at times, too mean to Ryan.

Went to Beareoke afterwards.

Social weekend. Friday night I had dinner with C2, C3, Bruce and two of C3's friends. C3's friends are moving from Newhampshire to WA. They've had enough of the snow.

Saturday morning, C2, Cor and I had breakfast together. We saw Cor's new house. Cor is really into showing off his art.

C2 and I hung around the rest of the day. We went to Pike Place Market. and then the Seattle Art Museum, Neither of us are really into Art, so we didn't get a lot of it. In fact, the thing I remember the most was a bowl with a lid. The handle of the lid was made of two people, on all 4's, one shoving something up the butt of the other. We wanted to know more about the bowl, but the displayce case didn't give any details.

Saturday night Steven through a big dinner party. Had Fun. When everyone left, C2 came back to my place and we slept together.

C2 I talked about it the next morning. I don't think he's developing feelings for me. Right now he needs someone to hold him.

"Too many people act like they're in a Woody Allen movie" What does that mean? LOL.

I'm having a social week. Tuesday I had dinner at Mathew and Sandy's with Steven and all the pb's. Afterwards we went to Beareoke at Guppy's.

Right now, I have this luke warm relationship with two of the pb-- Behr and the Tease. They keep suggesting we do things. But when push comes to shove, I get the cold shoulder. Basically they never returns my calls. This weekend Behr invited me to Portland. I gave him my number again, so we could co-ordinate. I'm betting he's not going to call though.

Last night I had dinner with Steven. I did some work on his computer. I also told him about C2. He's not sure what to think about that situation either.

C2 is looking for lawyers. He wants me to find out who Brian's lawyers were since they helped him beat an attempted murder charge.

Attempted Murder

Theft in Excess of $50,000.00

Does this happen to normal people? I don't think I go for guys who have a criminal side to them. I think I'm a straight forward white collar man with good friends. Yet C2 is the 2nd friend I've had who has had a major run in with the law.

I've cracked a rib. It happened during hockey. I'm ok, but sore. I have to watch my posture.

I had a very strange weekend. Saturday morning C2 told me he his being investigated by the FBI for the theft of $50,000.00 of software. It's not outright theft. It's complicated white collar crime. He called a few of us and apologized very profusely. We all took it the same way-- we don't care. We vaguely knew what C2 was up to. (Buying not-for-resale software from employees and then reselling it) It's not outright theft because at all stages, money exchanged hands in return for legitimately owned product. The actual crime involves violation of copyright law and licensing agreements.

The FBI has questioned C2, but they won't tell him anything. At most they said that if he one day reads about some people being charged in this case, and his name isn't mentioned, then he's probably free.

So, C2 spent the weekend at my place. He's very depressed. I was a substitute boyfriend for him. We held each other all day Saturday and he slept overnight. Sunday morning we went to C.O.R.E. 4x4 Challenge and then in the afternoon, we held each other again.

Monday morning while I was in the shower. he left without saying goodbye . I'm kind of pissed at him for that. But right now I understand that he's not thinking clearly.

This afternoon at work a few of us from work saw Dare Devil. It's not very original. If you've seen Spiderman, Batman and the Matrix, you've seen 98% of Dare Devil. The kid who witnesess his parents death. The bad guy who terrorizes the city. The bad guy turns out to be the killer of the kids parents. The wire fights.

Even though the movie isn't original, it is well done. The special effects and stunts are good. The acting is ok. The music is good.

Tonight I went to Dan Savage's Pre-Valentines Day Bash. Basically, you bring a memento of a past failed relationship to the bash. You get up on stage and talk with Dan about your relationship and the memento. Finally, you destroy the memento in one of many wonderfull ways. Some were burnt. Some were mixed with meat and fed to dogs. Some were smashed with sledge hammers. One lady's wedding photos were placed in the theater's uninals so that you could pee on them.

I brought some underwear left by my ex, Bob. The underwear was pissed on by a guy that my ex would have found very unattractive. Then the underwear was wrapped around a stuffed rabbit brought by another bitter single. The rabbit-underwear combo was then burnt into one disgusting mass.

I had a great time.

It's still hitting me how clean my place is. Edwin did a very good job. There are nooks and crannies where I never usually look, that are clean. He cleaned the molding. He cleaned the shelf of weird kitchen gadgets that I never use. He cleaned the pantry. Everywhere. Clean.

Steven said he and Edwin were talked about my place. Edwin was suprized that a gay man could live in such a pig stye. Steven told Edwin I was a straight man trapped in a gay man's body.

I put C2's name into Google and found another man with C2's name (Same first and last name) who has lived a life very similar to C2's. They were both in the Navy. They both lived in San Diego. They both now live in Seattle. They both work in the computer industry.

Weird.

Edwin did a good job. My place smells and looks clean.

The Tease is out. Sunday evening I called him and left my number on his machine. He didn't call back. Tonight John and Mac had a dinner party, both the Tease and I went. I flirted with him, but he didn't flirt back.

I was going to call the Tease again on Thursday but, since he didn't flirt back, I'm going to let it go now.

The dinner party was good. Mathew, Sandy, C2, Behr and I went. Good food. Good conversation.

I've got a cleaning guy! His name is Edwin. He's Steven's ex and also cleans Steven's house.

At first I didn't really want a cleaning guy, I thought I'd have better things to do with my money. But, after talking to him today, I'm kind of excited about it. My house will be clean! Weird.

He started today at noon. When I go home tonight, I'll see how well it went.

I just got this spam...

9.40% ANNUALLY RISK FREE

Safe *** Secure *** Insured ***

Why settle for less than 6% when you can earn the highest rate available

You know you're in a recession when even scams promise less than 10% returns.

Played hockey tonght. We won 1-0. I don't think I should have played. My cold is now bugging me, and my chest is sore. I'll rest up and see how I feel in the morning.

I just got back from Vancouver. Mathew, Sandy, Steven and I went. It was a good weekend. Relaxing.

I got laryngitis. Right now I can't speak in a normal voice. But, I can speak in a deep gravelly voice. A number of guys commented on how sex I sound.

Saturday night we ate at "Earl's Up Above" What a great restaurant. There was a delay in getting our main courses out, not long enough that we noticed, but long enough that the manager came out said "We're sorry for the delay. We're going to give you your meal free." When we got our meals, the food was excellent. We only had to pay for our drinks so we left a very big tip.

Steven and I had a lot of private conversations. Steven would be my best friend if he wasn't away so often. He travels for work and his BF lives 3 hours away so I don't get to see Steven that often. We told each other stories that we've never told anyone else.

All in all a good weekend.

The Tease.

I've always liked the Tease but have never asked him out. He's a foot shorter than I and has made it clear that he doesn't want to date tall men. Well, last night the Tease, Behr and I showed up at the Cuff for beer.

Behr told us his is dating woes. Apparently Harry has been jerking him around. So, I told Behr to relax-- Harry is charming, but he's also a jerk. I didn't tell him how I'd beein chasing Harry.

Behr left early. The Tease and I kept talking. We bitched about how hard it was to date men in Seattle. He asked me how I filled my evenings. I asked the same of him. Then I said "Hey, we should have dinner some night."

The Tease said "That's a great idea. Let me give you my number."

Cool. Hopefully this will go somewhere. I don't want to make another good friend although that might be the Tease's intention. We'll see.

I went over to C2's last night. C2, his room mate and I watched Office Space. a good comedy for anyone who has ever worked in a cublical.

Bizarre night. I played hockey tonight...

The bad part-- in the second period I had the wind knocked out of me. I was tripped and got kneed in the solar plexus. For about a minute I couldn't breath and kept making a sound like a wounded moose. It was surreal. I knew what was going on but I had to fight to not panic. After a couple of minutes, I got my wind back. I sat out a couple of shifts and then played the rest of the game. It didn't affect me because...

The good part-- we won 3-2 in sudden death overtime. I scored the winning goal.

I still feel like a puked my guts up. But other than that, I'm fine.

Friday night Mat, Sandy, Bruce, C3 and I had dinner together. Aftewards we had drinks at Mat & Sandy's .

Saturday night Bruce, C3 and I saw Confessions of a Dangerous mind. It's a good movie. C3 said it was one of the most amazing movies he's ever watched. I wouldn't go that far.

I'm wondering about Bruce and C3. C3 is putting more effort into maintaining Bruce & my friendship than we are. I'll take things for what they are. I know that sooner or later Bruce will get busy again, and I won't hear from him for months.

After the movie I went to the Eagle, had a beer and went home.

Things I want to remember...

SPACE CENTER, Houston, Feb. 1 — The space shuttle Columbia broke apart in flames over central Texas on Saturday soon after reentering the atmosphere en route to landing.

Yesterday I had lunch with the work bears. FxBear is doing well. Last fall he had elbow replacement surgery. Afterwards he forwarded me an X-ray of his elbow-- it's mostly metal! It's like he's become the bionic man.

I'm going to build my own Stereo. I was talking to a audiophile co-worker about good stereo's for under $1000. He mentioned I could get something that sounded like a $5000 system for much less if I built my own, . He also pointed me to BottleHead A company that provides do-it-yourself stereo kits. A friend of his has one and likes it very much.

I thought about it for a moment and decided to do it. I want to build my own stereo. I've purchased the Paramour Amp kit and the Foreplay Preamp kit. If I like how they turn out then I'll build my own speekers.

I haven't soldered in years. Fortunatly I work with some engineers who can work me through the rough spots.

I'm back. I loved Puetor Vallarta. Last night i was looking at some of the photos I took and wanted to go back. The city its self isn't that great-- run down, dirty, 3rd world country. But the ocean and the sun make up for it.

I flew down with Mathew, Sandy, Mac and John.

Monday... we flew in. Sat in the sun for a couple of hours. Had dinner at a great restaurant (Pacfica) and hit the sack

Tuesday... We sat in the sun. Swam in the ocean and drank alot. Our bar tab (including food) ran about US$120.00 We met a group that called themselves "The Bitches Of Hamelton." They were from Hot Springs. Arkansas. What an odd crowd. Old, occasional draq queens. Very much into drugs. They had more pot than they could smoke in a week, so they gave Sandy a few joints. They also had a lot of Xanax-- at some pharamcies, you don't need a perscription to buy drugs. Together they were every bad gay stereotype you had ever met. Not a butch bone in their bodies. They gigeled at every lame quip that rolled off their tired lips. Must be all the Xanax.

We tried to keep some distance between them and us. But, we were in the same hotel and on the same schedules.

In the evening we drove to the Poco Hotsprings. The tour was organized by a local gay bar. We spent an hour on the road in a very rickety bus.

The hot springs were good. The dinner was nice. A number of guys got in on and had sex. At one point, an exhibitionist with a boner walked right towards the by me. I joked that I thought my eye was going to be poked out.

Wednesday things went a bit sour. We were on the beach talking about massages. The hotel offered massages. But, a guy on the beach offered erotic massages. We wondered what would you get with an erotic massage? Was a massage and a hand job cheating? That's were things went wrong. John said that a hand job and a massage was just a business transaction and wasn't really cheating. Mac (John's boyfriend) was very uncomfortable with that and said so, For the rest of the day he was very distant from John. They ended up arguing about it on the way to dinner.

Thursday I think things cleared up between Mac and John. At least they were holding hands again. We took a cruise. Saw dolphins, whales. Went snorkeling. Drank a lot. Swam in the ocean. It was a great day.

Thursday evening John got sick. Bleah.

Friday we hung out by the beach. Mathew and I took a walk through more of Vallarta. Very beautiful. Very touristy.

Friday night Mat, Sandy and i had dinner at the Red Cabbage. I thought the food was very good. Mathew on the other hand, got sick. We're not sure if it was the food at the Red Cabbage or something else

Saturday, Mat and Mac rested. John stayed in Vallarta, but Sandy and I went to Poco's Paradise-- a privage gay beach. Very quiet. Very relaxing. It's a nude beach. Sandy and I went nude for a bit, but one of the Bitches of Hamelton kept trying to take our picture. He stoped once we made it very clear to him that we didn't want pictures. But still, just in case, we stayed dressed.

Sunday. Last full day in Puerto Vallarta. We took it easy. Mathew and Mac are still a bit sick. John is stressing out. He doesn't take new situations well and John's being sick has weighed heavilly on him. We hung out at the beach durning the day. Mat and John will only eat American at this point-- Mac Donalds for Lunch. Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. Sandy and I are fine.

After the two couples went to bed, I went up the roof top bar and had a few drinks. I chatted with a guy, but he was only interested in Latino's.

Monday we flew back. Sandy took two Xanax to releive his flying anxiety. By the time we got back to Seattle, he was gigly and slightly sluring his words.

Random things I want to remember...

At night the ocean has glowning blue creatures. They're small-- a spec of sand. But they glow a beutiful blue

The waves can be loud. When some of the larger waves crash, my windows rattle

There are very few masculine men in this town. The other guys want to fix me up (I'm the only single guy) but, non-effemantive men are very hard to find. We spotted one, but after talking to him, it turned out he has a boyfriend

Frank from Vancouver is in Seattle. Steven , Vic (Steven's BF), Frank and I met for drinks at the Cuff. Frank and I hung around all evening. Vic and Steve both commented that I should go after Frank. He's a good man with a good job. I said I wanted to but Frank always played it cool-- Frank would be receptive if I touch him, but would never touch me. Frank would let me kiss him, but wouldn't kiss me.

Later on Frank said he was tired and was going back to the hotel. I invited Frank to my place. He agreed. We slept together. Cuddled all night. In the morning I tried to have sex with Frank but he stopped me. He said in December he broke up with a guy from Victoria. The break up was hard on him. So he wasn't in the mood. I left it at that.

Later I found a note on my truck from Steven. It said "Slut! No, i didn't really mean that, I hope you had a nice time."

I had breakfast with Steven and Vic. They gave me atta-boy's for going home with Frank. I told them Frank's story and that we didn't have sex. We analyzied it a bit and figured that Frank is probably still seeing someone.

Oh well.

I'm heading down to Puerto Vallarta on Monday morning. This will be the last post till Jan 28th.

My truck is getting old. It's going through more oil. For the first time in the 5 years that I've owned it, I had to put a quart of oil in the engine inbetween the 5000 mile checkups.

C2 lectured me today. Often when it comes to politics I'd rather not argue about it. I think this comes from my family. My parents would never debate politics. If a disagreement came up, they would change the subject.

C2 has noticed that trait in me as well... avoidance of political argument. But, when the labour camps in North Korea hit the news yesterday, he wanted me to argue about it. He said that some issues were too important to ingore... such as the war on terrorism, Iraq and North Korea. And that I needed to be more comforatble with disagreement between people and to be ready to defend my opinions.

I agreed with him. Just to avoid an arguement.

I had lunch with with the work bears. Bruce showed up. It's the first time he's done so in months.

I tanned again last night. I'm slightly red now, though it's starting to look good. If I take my shirt off you can tell I used a tanning bed. The tane fades very quickly along my sides and is very strong on the parts that were in contact with the bed.

Tonight I had dinner with Steven. He's starting to fill out the paper work he needs to move to Canada. His BF is in Victoria. For other reasons he is going to quit his job this summer. Since it's a natural break from his career, he wants to move closer and build their relationship. I wish him luck.

We had dinner at The Pumphouse. It's a good restaurant. They have 160 different beers on tap.

Unfortunatly, without leaving Seattle, I can't run from Harry. We have many common friends, some of whom are his neighbours.

The Seattle gay scene is very small. Between C6, C2 and I, we know every non-femme gay man in western Washington.

I played hockey last night. We lost 3-1. I actually played a good game. Although, I did get an equal strength roughing penalty.

I'm about to get hurt again. This wound will be self inflicted. I was looking through Yahoo Personals and saw Harry's picture and ad. I sent him an email and asked him out for dinner. No Strings. No Pressure. Part of me wants very badly to date Harry. Another part of me needs to hear him say "No." It would help me move on.

I keep hitting "Send/Receive" in Outlook. Is this the new millennium version of waiting by the phone?

Damn it. I just got another piece of spam. My heart went through a mini-rollarcoster. "I got new email! Oh, it's just spam."

At least I'm heading down to Puerto Vallarta next week. Having a wounded heart on a sunny beach sounds so much better than having a wounded heart in rainy Seattle.

Sunday evening I went and saw Star Trek: Nemesis with two of the pb's. Nemesis is an ok action flick.

I went to the Cuff afterwards. I think the Cuff is dieing off. It's not nearly as popular as it used to be. two or three years ago, the Cuff would be backed for the Sunday night beer bust. Now it's not even a third full.

Interesting trivia that I've been meaning to write down... The Coca Cola Company calls the coke ribbon the "dynamic ribbon device"

I didn't do much on Saturday. I had stomach cramps, so I took it easy. In the evening, I went to a house party at Ryan & Jen's. It was good to see them again.

Sunday morning, I had brunch with Mike, Sandy, Mathew and two of the pb's. We made some of our final plans for Puerto Vallarta. A week from Monday we fly down to Puerto Vallarta. We are staying there for a week.

I hate regret. I wish I didn't have feelings for Harry.

Harry has started seeing one of the pb's. When I heard this, my heart sunk.

Other than that, I went over to Mathew and Sandy's for dinner, a movie (Monsters Inc) and cards.Afterwards, I drove to Mike's and we went to the Cuff. We talked a bit, and I gave him the "Let's just be friends speach"

Had dinner with Steven. It was the first time I've seen him since mid December. Things are going ok with him, though he is stresssed now.

For the past year Steve has been in a long distance relationship with a guy from Victoria. Christmas was good because they got to spend two weeks together. Now that they are apart again, Steve is a bit bummed.

Steve has decided to leave his company. It's merging with another company and they are downsizing the staff. Steve doesn't like the direction the merged company is taking, so he's asked for a package. He's not sure what to do now. Part of him wants to move up to Victora, to be with his BF. But he's not sure how fast he can get a visa. It may take years. It may take days.

Last night, Mike came over for dinner. It was plesant although conversation with him is difficult. There were lots of awkward silences.

We did have sex, though he didn't spend the night. He has a very cute body.

We are supposed to get together again on Saturday evening.

No. I'm not falling for Mike-- bad conversation, plus he lives a very different life then me. I earn a lot more than he does I don't want to be a sugar daddy.

Cor is up to his old tricks. He told me that Mike called and then he fed me a line about how the two of them flirted and how Mike wanted to meet him. I asked Cor when Mike called and Cor laughed. He said mike hadn't really called. He saw Mike's number on a "Cuff" business card and decided to bug me.

C2 has found Norm (See Dec 20th) Norm hasn't been captured by the Brazillian goverment and charged with sedition. Instead he moved to Phoenix. His mother is sick and he's taking care of her. C2 is going to Phoenix to visit Norm. Good vacation and Norm owes him $1400.

Tonight I used a tanning bed for the 1st time. It was just a 10 minute session since I'm prone to burning. I'm going to Peurto Vallarta at the end of January, and I don't want to burn once I get there. I can't say I noticed a colour difference, but it did chap my lips.

Yesterday I had a second date with Mike. We went hiking at Snoqualmie Falls. It was fun. We did have a romp in the bed. He has a hot body. I'm not going to analyze the situation yet. I want to get to know him better before I judge him.

Cor is back. He spent the last 3 weeks touring Asia-- China, Japan, Korea and Tibet. He had a great trip though he's very jet lagged right now.

Played hockey last night. We lost 5-1. It was the first game I played in a few weeks. I missed a game when I traveled. Also, the season suspends over Christmas.

Yesterday I bought a light box Basically it's a very bright light on a stand. You sit next to it for about 30 minutes in the morning.



I've been very groggy this winter.When it's cloudy and rainy during the day, I have problems getting out of bed, I feel tired and have low energy. Once the sun goes down, I wake up.

It has definitely wakes me up in the short term (for a few hours after I use it) We'll see how well it works after in the long term.

Tommy, is it more sunny in LA?

Last night I had dinner with C2, Mathew and Ryan. After dinner, C2 went home. Mat, Ryan and I headed to the Seattle Eagle. It was "Pee Night." Several guys asked us if we were there for the wet party. The Eagle is a very skanky bar. A lot of the patrons don't look healthy.

Had a fun first date on Thursday. We had lunch together. After lunch we went snowboarding. He never snowboarded before, but when I told him I was going, he asked if he could come along. So, I showed him the basics.

He's a cute, nice man. I'm going to get to know him better. We'll see how things go. He words most weekdays during the evenings, so scheduling may keep us apart.

I spent new years eve with Mathew and Sandy. We had dinner at 13 coins. Expensive. Mediocre food.

I also dropped by their new place. They are all unpacked. It looks like a home now.

Weird milestone. My blog has had more than 5000 hits.

Today C2 took me shopping. For months he's said I need some good clothing (I only wear jeans, t-shirts and flannel shirts) Finally, yesterday he figured out I would go unless he took me. So, after lunch we went to Nordstoms. I spent a few hundred dollars on 3 good shirts, a new belt and a new pair of pants.

I'll wear one of the shirts the next time I see him. Other than that, I doubt I'll ever wear them. I kind of like jeans and t-shirts.

I'm back in Seattle. I spent the last two days with the babies. Many of my old Toronto friends are married and having kids. I did the rounds and spent time with them.

Being a parent really changes your life. A baby sucks up all of your free time.

I went to the Toronto Zoo today-- with some of the babies. It was fun.

C2 drove me home from the airport. On the way we talked about psychiatrists and how many of our friends were seeing them. I asked C2 if he ever saw a shrink. He said no, but then back peddled. He said once, there was an incident and he had to see a psychiatrist to determine if he was stable. The psychiatrist found he was sane. I told C2 that one day I'd get him drunk and get him to spill his guts about the rest of that story. He laughed and said "Yeah, right."

I'm in Toronto now. Visting my old friends.

On my way to Liam's, I ran into my ex, Robert. It's been years since I we've talked. Rob left me for another man. I'm kind of annoyed. after Rob left me, his life picked up. He got a job, and stayed with his new BF for six years. I can't even console my self by saying "Well, Rob was better off with me."

At least Rob has got fat. Also, I got a back-handed complement from Rob's BF. The BF said to Rob about me, "Oh, so this is the one that looks like Brad Pitt." Bob replied "Yes."

Years ago running into Rob would have depressed me for days. Now he's just someone I once new.

I spent Friday night at Liam's. He had a party. About a dozen guys showed up.We stayed up, drinking and talking till 4am.

I spent Saturday with G&J and their babbies. J&M. J is almost 2 now. M is only 4 months. The babies have really changed G&J their whole life has to revolve around the children.

Saturday evening, I headed back downtown and went out with Liam and some of his friends. The Toronto gay scene is very different than Seattle's. Toronto is a big party town-- many clubs don't close till 7am. Drugs are everywhere. The club we went to, Five, has hit on an interesting formula. The crowd is leather and bears, but the bar is setup like an A-list twink bar-- crome, glass and mirors everywhere. Funky lights. Very clean. Until now every leather or bear bar I've been to has been grungy and run down.

How did Five hit on this fomula? It started out as an A-List twink bar, but the twinks were doing too many drugs and only buying water. To boost liquor sales managment gave cover-passes to drinkers-- bears and leather-men. Eventually the bears and leather-guys took over and the twinks stopped going.

It's an interesting mix. I hope it spreads to other cities.

Over lunch with my parents, we talked about the politics of driving the buses. Both of my parents drive the school bus. Many petty issues go a long with it. There are video cameras in the bus and the school bus driving regulations are very long. So, every day, odds are, some minor regulation is broke. If the boss likes you, things go well. If he doesn't, you constantly get reprimands.

In the afternoon, I ran into my first BF. It was kind of weird seeing him again. He's 51 now. It was kind of like old times. We went back to his place. For a while he smoked his cigar while I relaxed him. When he finished his 'gar, he topped me. It was fun. It's been a while since I've had sex with a real man. I should work harder on dating one in the States.

I'm on vacation now.

Sunday I went snowboarding with C2 to Mission Ridge. After that I had dinner with Mat, Sandy and the pb's. Matt made up a bunch of PB T Shirts. Since Matt and I are too big to be pb, we got "PB Protector" Shirts.

Monday, I flew to Toronto. I spent the night at my friend Liam's, then I drove up to my parents in Pembroke.

My parents bought a new a new place. It's nice. about 40 acres of maple sugar lot, and 10 acres of clear land. The new house is nice as well.

My youngest brother drove up on Christmas. He's grown. He's 6'11'' and at least 325lbs. He's absolutly huge. We used to wrestle. I can't budge him now.

Funny explicit adult comic

I saw Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers today. It's a good movie. It's also a very full movie. Much happens with no explaination or setup. To follow it, you really have to had watched Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.. Other than that, The Two Towers has many great special effects.

I get the feeling they are straying from the books. For a movie named "The Two Towers", the two towers are barely mentioned. For a series called "Lord of the Rings", the quest of the ring bearers is a minor sub plot

Afterwards, I had dinner with C2, The Texas Rose and Hellraiser. It went well. Was the usual routine-- dinner at Siams. Coffee at the Broadway Market, including reading Savange Love out loud. This weeks column was about sex with disabled people.

My brother wants to borrow $10 000 from me-- a down payment for a Transport Truck. I'll probably do it. I just want to run the numbers first and mull it over for a while. My brother is a Truck driver, and wants to do it on his own.

C2 has an in interesting story. C2 has been selling used wide format printers through a friend of his, Norm. Well, Norm vanished and still owes C2 $1400. C2 has been calling around trying to figure out where Norm is. He's dug up some interesting dirt. Apparently Norm was hanging out with a guy who is wanted in Brazil for sedition and murder. Right now C2 hopes that Norm is all right. Not dead, or in a Brazilian jail.

While the story sounds far fetched, Norm is a very colourfull man. He's from a very rich family and never has to work. So, he fills his time by finding trouble-- making porno's, hanging out with wild guys.

Work has kind of shut down. People are wandering from office to office, chatting and sharing gifts. This is why I don't quit. Too much free time. Too many cool people.

I'm having work issues. My job is boring me again and I end up goofing off a lot. I hope this doesn't bite me. Maybe I should hunt for another job. Why do I stay? I really like the people I work with. The pay is good. Management leaves me alone and lets me do what I want. It's hard to leave that behind. Maybe I should see a career councelor.

I just got back from Sunriver/Mt. Bachelor. It was a good weekend. I went with Officer Rob, his BF, and two of his friends.

Sunriver is a maze of a town. They use traffic circles instead of stop signs. The traffic circles are large and full of trees so you can't see through them and it's easy to get lost. You don't know if 4 or 5 streets meet at the circle. If you want to turn left, do you take the 3rd or the 4th off ramp?

The snowboarding was good. Plenty of snow.

One of officer Rob's friends is a Paramedic. Sunday night, Rob and the paramedic decided to trade funny suicide and death stories. It was disturbing and fascinating.

I usually travel with a GPS. When I do, I try to take waypoints of the places I sleep. I've got a long list now. I'm not sure where all of them are. I have to track them down.

Here are the ones I know....

Sunriver/Mt Bachelor... N 43:54.285 W 121:26.199

From Afica... Bulawo S 20:08.425 E 028:34.949 and Mutoko S 17:22.655 E 032:18.098 I'm not sure where the next two are. They are also in Africa, but I don't remember from where. I'll look them up sometime. Ruchar S 17:23.218 E 032:17.554 and Sett S 17:55.612 E 025:49.639

San Francisco... W 37:47.961 W 122:25.418

From Permerend in the Neterlands... N 52:29.981 E 004:58.984

I have to do this more often. I'm missing way-points from all sorts of interesting places.

I'm heading down to Mt. Bachelor to snowboard for the weekend. Officer Rob, his BF, and some friends of theirs are comming along. I tried to convince C2 to come, but he wouldn't. He's punishing himself for not having a real job. Right now he's in a dead-end shipping/receiving job. He wants a real career and won't let him self go on vacations until then.

I wonder about C2. He has a masters and he's a smart guy. But, even at the hight of the dot-com bubble, he was either unemployed, or working on grunt jobs.

I talked to my friend J from Toronto. All my straight Toronto friends are having their second babies. J&E had one about 6 months ago. J&G about 3 months ago. And now M is pregnant. My gay bachelor life is so different from theirs.

J and I also talked about my dating situation. I told her that I'm kind of tired of dating nice guys and becomming good friends with them. I have a lot of friends now. But no romance.

Now a whine I haven't told anyone; I think about Harry almost every day . I keep plotting ways I can get him spent time with him. I'm stuck in Bargaining The truth is, I'm tired of thinking about Harry. I want to forget about him. Unfortunatly he's the only Seattle single man I know who I have have romantic feelings for. Maybe Mr Right isn't in Seattle and I have to leave to be with him. But, I'm not there yet. I have a life here.

Bwahaha... Today I found out that I earn $20,000.00 more than Cor. I know it's petty, but it matters to the competative part of me.

How do I know? He neaded copy of his pay stub and didn't want to go to work. I showed him how to sign onto work, and where to find the pay stub information.

I've started using my blog to help balance my cheque book. I was looking over my bank statement and found a few withdrawls I didn't remember. I read over my blog for those days and found out where I was, what I was doing and what I bought.

The flu is going around. Steven's BF is sick. Cor is sick. Cor is leaving for 3 weeks of vacation-- China, Tibet, Japan. He's not looking forward to travelling sick.

Steven came over for dinner last night. We chatted, played video games, and made a joke poster for a friend of his. The poster is a 42''x38'' blow up of his friends face.

Played hockey tonight. We won 3-2.

Friday night I had dinner wtih C2, Derik, B and BigT, Bruce and C3. It was a plesent evening. The conversation was very good.

After dinner I ran into the Cuff and and ran into C6. I said "Hello Jake Austin. How are you?" (Jake Austin is C6's porn name) C6 immedialty blushed and started saying. "Barry. Shut up. Barry. Don't talk about Barry that. Barry. I didn't want to do it. That got me drunk and stoned, and made me do it." I had a good laugh at that. I can't imaging C6 not wanting to pose nude.

Saturday I bought a stream carpet-cleaner and steam cleaned my carpets. The whole processes confused Cor. Apparently he's never lived in a house with carpets before. At first he thought something was wrong because he socks kept getting wet. I had to explain to him that steam cleaning the carpets ment that they would be wet for a while.

Saturday evening, I had dinner with C5 and his partner James. It was a good evening although I'm kind of jealous of James and frustrated by C5. I really like C5. I met him about a year ago. C5 asked me out on a date. I said yes but was going away on vacation for 3 weeks so the date had to wait. When I got back, C5 didn't return my calls. I heard through the grape vine that he was dating someone else-- James. Eventually, I saw he and James out together and we started talking to each other again.

I always figured that James was about C5's age. C5 is 48. I used that as an excuse for letting C5 not date me. I assumed C5 would rather date someone his own age. Last night I found out that James is 36 and unemployed. That annoyed and frustrated me. I thought to myself "C5, why are you dating him? I have a job! I'm about the same age! I'm better looking!"

Aside from my issues, the evening was good.

I did something bad on the way home. I cruised a rest area. I didn't meet any one-- but I looked hard. The bars aren't working for me and I want to meet someone so badly. So, I figured I'd give the rest area a try.

Sunday morning I helped move Mathew and Sandy. Their new house is nice. Although the second floor is very short. Mathew and I can't stand up on the second floor. He calls it "Hobbit Sized."

I had dinner with Mathew and Sandy. They gave me some good gossip... C6 is doing porn! He's the December cover model for Butch Bear. Yep, that's him in the Santa cap. The next time I see C6, I'm going to slip and say "Hello Jake Austin. How are you?"

Cor is up to something. Last night he had me measure his chest, biceps and waist. He also asked me several times if I thought he was fat, or if he was attractive, or if he was sexy.

Frank from Vancouver was in Seattle on business. We had coffee in the afternoon. His schedule was too full to meet in the evening.

Steven asked me if I was intersted in Frank. If Frank put some effort into it, I'd date him, but he's playing it very cool.

I had my annual physical today. It looks good. My blood plateltes used to be low, but they've climbed back to normal.

Steven's boyfriend is sick. Steven is not really sure what's going on. His BF is in the navy, and was sailing down to San Diego. Last night, they air lifted his BF to a hospital. Steven doesn't know the details and is trying out find out more.

Played hockey last night. We won 4-3. I didn't play a great game, all 3 goals against went in while I was on the watch. Our goalie was to blame for 2 of the goals, but still it doesn't feel good.

Afterwards I went over to Ryan and Sandy's. They had a dinner party earlier on that I couldn't go to (cause of hockey) So, I droped by afterwards and had dessert and beer with them. This was the 1st time I've been to their place. Sandy has 4 persian cat's. They are very friendly and cute. But, they get hair everywhere.

Last Wednesday I had dinner with Mathew and Steven. About half way through dinner Mathew said, in his trade-mark, no-holds-barred style, that he doubted I would ever get married. I was too picky. I banged my head against the table. Steven defended me. He said I would get married, but hadn't found the right man yet. We had a good laugh over it.

Thursday C2 and I drove to Olympia and had Thanksgiving dinner with C2's family. He made it sound like his family is psychotic. They're not. The dinner was good. Oddly enough, a trama center nurse and a mortician were at the dinner. They could kill any conversation in two seconds flat.

Thursday evening C2 and I headed up to Timberline Lodge on Mt Hood for snowboarding. Unfortunatly there wasn't a lot of snow. One run was open. I boarded it in the morning. In the afternoon, C2 and I took the lift up, and then hiked down the hill. It was a beautiful sunny day.

We goofed around and read Friday evening. Saturday morning we headed back for home.

Saturday evening I had dinner with Steven and his partner. Afterwards we went to the Cuff.

C6...

Wednesday evening. C6's ex-wife left a weird message for C6, then drove off and abandoned their daughter. The daughter eventually called 911. She's ok but shaken. C6 is very uncertain. He wants to keep his daughter in the same school, but that means he has to work out living arragements for her.

C6 said he wants to talk about his situation, but also he's tired of talking about his situation. He's uncertain of himself. Both of his ex's have gone psycho. That makes it hard for him to trust anyone.

On Sunday C6's ex-wife left a message from him. She's at a hotel in Montana. C6 doesn't want to talk to her.

We had a 10:30 PM hockey game last night. Jen spent the evening at my place before we headed out to the game.

It ended up being a bad game. We lost 5-3. The team started arguing about half way through. Our goalie, who isn't that great, is kind mouthy. When the going got tough, he started swearing at the other players.

Bleah. Last night I chatted on the internet for too many hours. I do that every now and then just to get it out of my system.

Cor and Scott had dinner with Brent and Sean. Cor knows that I like Brent. When he came home, he told me to forget about Brent. Brent is very much in love with Sean.

Social Weekend Friday I had dinner with C2, Steven and G. Steven and G are great talkers, so the conversation was lively. In fact, Steven suggested that we start a gay talk show called "The Gay View"

Saturday morning, I worked with C3 on some large art work he's creating for a laywer. It's going to look good. All that's left to do is color calibrate and print out the work. It's going to be 4'' x 8''

Saturday afternoon, I went to C6's and watched the Apple Cup (College football. UW Huskey's vs WSU Cougers) The Huskies won 29-26 in triple overtime. It was a good game.

After football I went over the Steven's. His new room mate moved in. She's an old friend who has a five month old baby. He doesn't really want to have the baby, but his friend needs a place. She is recently divorced. She wants to move back to Virginia with family, but it's going to take a few months to tie up some loose ends.

Steven and I drove down to the Cuff and chatted with the gang.

Now Cor... Friday night Cor met a guy named Scott. I've known Scott for a couple of years. He's a friend of Harry. Cor ended up spending the night at Scott's (He told me so) Then the next morning, whiel C3 and I were working, he showed up with the guy he dumped last weekend. They went to Cor's bedroom and had sex (The computer room is next to Cor's room) Now last night, Cor slept over at Scott's.

Cor seams to like Scott, but I'm sure he'll find a reason to dump him in a few weeks.

Today my work team went to see Die Another Day. It's very James Bond. Lots of big stunts. Weak Plot. Fun movie.

Today I had lunch with the east side bears-- C2, Steven, Cor, G, T&J, Bruce and C3. It was good. Of couse Bruce and C3 arrived late-- about 40 minutes late.

I'm suprised how perceptive Steven is. He picked up some odd vibes from T about J about their new house. Later on he asked me about it. I told him that J lost his job about a month ago and the two moved into their new house last week. So T is a bit stressed and annoyed that he's the one paying for their house.

Last night I had a bunch of guys over for dinner... Cor, C2, Mathew, Sandy and two of the pb's. It was fun. We planned a trip to Mexico at the for the end of January.

Right now the two pb, Scott and Tom, are dating. I'm not sure how long that's going to last. Tom is clearly very in love with Scott, but he's also very controlling-- that's buging Scott.

In June Tom was in Seattle on vacation. He met Scott and fell for him. Shortly afterwards Tom moved here from Kentucky. Well, he was supposed to movie in with a friend and just date Scott, but the friend flaked out and Tom ended up moving in with Scott. Since then Tom has rented a room at another place, but he doesn't spend much time there.

Every time Tom mentioned that he and Scott here living together, Scott said "No we're not."

Lunch

My work-team go for lunch together almost every day. It's so predictable we don't even say "Would you like to go for lunch?" Instead, at noon someone stops outside your door and says "Blabbabaallal!

That was until today. Today, we switched to telepathy. At noon three of the guys stopped outside my door, said nothing and just staired at me. I got up and joined them. We walked to the last guys office, stood silently outside his door and staired at him. He got up and joined us. Then we went for lunch.

I napped a couple of times on Sunday. In the early evening, I went to a house warming party thrown by my ex manager. Most of the people there were work people.

Later on, I played hockey. We won 5-3. I had an ok game.

Monday was an busy day. After work, I met with a guy named Art. I'm ot sure what to make of Art. He runs this group call BTO that, well, provides an atmosphere for bisexual married men to meet and play with other bisexual married men. I am neither married, nor bisexual, but Art has been trying to get me to join the group for over a year. Today another guy and I met Art for a drink. He gave us the sales pitch for the group. The 3rd Thursday of every month they meet in a hotel. I'm not going to go but it was an interesting chat.

After Art, I had a date with Derik. He's a nice guy, but I'm not really attracted to him. We had dinner at "Bill's off Broadway".

After Derik, C3 came over to my house. A lawyer in NY has commisioned him to do some large images and art work. We played around with the scanner and printer to see what the source material would look like when magnified ten times. We got mixed results. The flat images scanned in very well. But, when we tried to scan in a weave, the scanner couldn't focus properly. The parts of the weave in contact with the glass were fine. The parts off of the glass were blury. C3 is going to try and find a scanner that can handle 3D source material. Either that or he's going to take a macro-shot with a regular camera. Then we can scan in the resulting photo.

Frustrating Saturday night. I went to the Cuff. Harry was there. We hung around and talked, but he ignored me physcally. It was so frustrating. I want to hold him and kiss him so badly.

I met another nice guy at the Cuff. I got his number. I'll give him a call and see what happens.

Friday was quiet. In the evening I had dinner with C2 and Derik.

After that I went to the Cuff for a while and said 'Hi' to the gang. My ex, Brian, was there. He's got a new boyfriend.

This morning I drove C2 to Tacoma to pick up his new car. It's a 1990 'Z' This is a big improvment for C2-- the old car was a 77 'Z' We talked about his wheeling and dealing... much of what C2 spends his money isn't store bought/above-the-table. One of his favorite places to eat has the nickname "The Illegal Taco Stand" It's a truck and trailor that pulls into local parking lots, puts out a sign and sells food. His mechanic operates out of two storage lockers at a U-Store-It. Most of his cloths are promotional items given away by companies to sell their products.

I'd like to learn how C2 gets all of his connections

Cor is stressing out. He called me this morning and told me he was dumping his current boyfriend He said he really wants to meet a good man and settle down. We joked about it for a bit. I told him couldn't really help but mabye C2 could. A while later he sent C2 and I this email...

---------
C2, Barry

HELP

I need a husband who :

1) Is intelligent, a Master degree will help. Foreign languages too.
2) Well traveled (been to at least 30 countries but not on Business trips). Like adventures.
3) Got a good job
4) Very good looking, latin or white
5) Masculine, to the point that I will not see anything gay in him
6) Good in bed (and outside of it too). A good size will help a lot. Has to be very sexual.
7) Live in the Seattle area
8) Able to love, care and move in
9) Good body, muscular and outdoor guy
10) Like to share a life, completely faithful.

I am tired to “break the hearts”. Two in a week is too much. Therefore I need someone close to above description. Enclose is one pic of mine a couple of weeks ago.

Do you know anyone?
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C2 and I had lunch together and had a good laugh over Cor's email. C2 and I have been single for years now. We'd be overjoyed if either of us could meet a man with half of Cor's criteria.

I think that Cor is about to learn a painfull lesson about being single. Part of me feels sorry for him. Part of me says "Join the club."

I had hockey practice last night. When I got home Cor had a new guy over. I guess his Las Vegas BF is out.

C2's friend Derik, the guy we had dinner with on Friday is persuing me. He sent C2 an email saying so. Derik and I are having dinner on Monday.

Oh yeah. Cor has dumped his Las Vegas boyfriend and is seeing someone new.

I played hockey last night. We lost 4-0.

Other than that I had a quiet Sunday.

When it rains, it pours...

One of C2's friends, the one C2 and I had dinner with on Friday, asked me out on a date. I haven't replied yet. The friend is a cute and nice guy, but it doesn't sit well with me. I've heard to much gossip about him. I'm trying to forget the gossip and just get to know him better. But, my mind isn't that easy to change.

Also C2 wants to introduce me to another guy-- Big T. Big T is my age and size.

Also, I heard from Harry again. We exchanged short "Hi how are you doing" emails. I really need to forget about Harry. However, he still makes my heart beat fast.

I think I'll say yes to the offer for dinner and then go from there.

Friday Evening I had dinner at Siam's with C2, Cor and two for C2's friends. It was a good dinner. The two friends were very much into the gay scene... trophy fucks... hanging out where the hot men are. After dinner C2 asked me what I thought of the two friends. We simultaniously said "Typical Capitol Hill fags." Capitol Hill is the gay area of Seattle.

I had a beer at the Cuff afterwards. I met a guy and gave him my number.

The guy called me at 3am in the morning.

Next morning, I called the guy and we agreed to get together that afternoon.

We did get together that afternoon, but it didn't go well. He's not good at giving directions and he's a bit dyslexic so it took two phone calls to clear things up. Also, he spent a lot of time talking about how cute I was and how he was so attracted to me, and how I was his perfect type and on and on. It felt uncomfortable.

I left his place around 5pm and went to Bruce and C3's (Yes, we are talking again) We had dinner there and then went to see Bowling For Columbine. It's a good documentary. It tries to answer the question "Why is the gun crime rate in America so much higher than anywhere else?" It comes up with a few possibilites though nothing concuslive. Overall I recommend the Bowling For Columbine. It's has much to think about.

This morning I had breakfast with Steve and his boyfriend. It was good to see them again. Steven mentioned that I'm becomming quite the social butterfly. That a lot of social things happen around me and because me. He also mentioned that there is a fair bit of good gossip about. People think I'm attractive and wonder why I'm still single. A good ego boost.

Had a social day yesterday.

Yesterday, I had lunch with the bears I work with... PG, Steven, C2, Bruce and a few other guys.

Afterwork, C6 and I went to the Snowboard Conneciton to get ready for the year. I bought new bindings and had my boards tuned. Chris bought boots and bindings.

Afterwards, C6, Officer Rob, R and I had dinner at the Six Arms and then went to the Cuff for beer.

The wax they used on my snowboards smells like cherry. My garage and my truck now smell of cherry.

Cor and I had an argument last night. I wasn't in a great mood to begin with. I had low energy from the flu, plus I was tired. Cor walked in on me using the computer and saw me surfing some... ehem... porn. Cor made a mean joke how he was glad it didn't work out between us because I'm nasty (Sexually) and he's a nice man. At that point, I lost control. I vented about the way he treats men, especially thouse who love him. I also snaped at him about the way his jokes are always mean. He insults me and then says "Just kidding."

We stopped talking at that point. Later on I apologized. I told him I didn't really mean it and that I was in a bad mood from the flu.

This morning he called me up and apologized. He said that I was right and that the reason he was mean to me was that he was a bit jealous of me. I was the only man he wanted that turned him down, so now at times he feels jealous and wants to cut me up. He also said I was right about the way he treats men. And he's going to try and change his ways.

We'll see. No harm done. Cor and I are still friends.

I had dinner with Mathew and Sandy tonight. Two of their friends, Shil and Wayne came a long. By the looks of things, I've become Mathew's and Sandy's "token single friend." The two of them have moved on to "Couple Friends" I think this is more of Sandy's doing than Mathew's. I don't hold it against them. I don't think they know they're doing it. But, it's happening.

Dinner was good. A bit pricy though. We ate at Duke's on Lake Union.

I've been back to the doctor. We did a bit more digging. It looks like I have an alergy to the toilet paper I used while I had the flu. Normally the alergy wouldn't matter, but I used so much TP while I had the flu that a nasty butt rash broke out. It's in control now.

I've spent the past two evenings at home, resting.

Cor bought a house. It's about a 10 minute drive from my place. It needs some rennovation, but other than that it's a good place. I don't think he'll move in till January.

My first day back at work. I was had a good day. I didn't goof off, so I ended up being more productive than I had been in weeks.

Well, I'm mostly better. I still get tired easily. I'm not eating like I used to. But, I'm up and around.. walking around the block.

Cor has found a house he really likes and he's going to put an offer in on it. We went to see it today. It's a nice house. With some work it will be a great house.

Afterwards we had lunch together. He told me his woes and worry's. His Los Vegas boyfriend is very bad with credit cards. He has six cards all maxed out-- around $10 000. Cor has told the BF that the BF has to show some progress in paying down the debt before Cor will let the BF move in with him. I half agree with him, half disagree. From a business standpoint it makes sense. But from a romantic, through-better-or-worse standpoint, it's cold and calculating. I hope I never have to make that kind of decision.

I've been flat-on-my-ass sick for the past two and a half days. I feel better now, though I'm still slighly weak and I've lost 10lbs.

Wednesday afternoon, I got chills and felt tired. I drove home and went to bed. For the next 24 hours I did nothing but sleep, run to the bathroom and drink water. Thursday evening Cor gave me some granola, yoghurt and juice. I ate bit of that. Friday at lunch I had a piece of toast on peanut butter. Finally last night I started to feel better. I had two bowls of soup before I went to bed.

I was supposed to go to a Wedding in L.A. Oh well. I'll mail them my present.