Ireland is wonderful. The husband is here for a work trip. Of course I couldn't say no to joining him. Still, I have not taken vacation to be here. I am working in the evenings.
During the day, we do some exploring, some excursions and some napping-- just enjoying the local sights-- the food, the castles, and the falconry.
We are now in Dublin. The trip from Vegas to Dublin was exhausting. Our luggage didn't arrive. The airline promised it will arrive by tomorrow.
This morning we showered, walked around the town and napped.
I am working while we are in Ireland. I'm keeping my Seattle hours, so my Ireland hours are from 5pm to 1am.
Our Vegas trip is coming to a close.
My brother's wedding was very sweet. It was in Fire Valley state park about an hour outside of Vegas. The location is otherworldly and beautiful.
We are about to embark on two and a half weeks of travel-- three days in Vegas for my brother's wedding, then a week in Ireland for the husband's job, then a week in Paris for vacation.
While in Ireland, I'll be working. This is the farthest I've pushed the "remote work from anywhere" provision that my job has.
T&J were in town for the weekend. T is one of the husband's oldest friends. They have known each other since they were five.
T&J are making the leap to retirement. They are selling their home, and buying a smaller, but nice place in some tiny town in Oklahoma. They think this will reduce their expenses enough that it will fund their retirement.
J has prostate cancer. I think it's under control. They intend to use Medicare to pay for any additional treatment.
Their plan is too risky for me.
We've been discussing the retirement more seriously. J, a friend of mine, decided she wants to retire around age 55. As lucrative as her job is, she hates it.
That got the husband and I talking. We are doing our jobs, more for the money than because it's our calling.
The husband's said that he doesn't want to retire until after his mother dies. That's a clear qualifier. Sometimes his mother does need emergency cash. Us having jobs is a nice safety net.
Last night we had dinner with her. She is constantly on oxygen for COPD. Her travel oxygen machine is breaking down so she has to stay close to power at all times. This is fine while she is at her retirement home. It's more complicated when she wants to go out. We spent a good amount of time discussing the type of machine she needed, and the complexities of Medicare.
We spent the weekend in Seaside Oregon with QJ & C6.
Driving back from Seaside-- it was raining hard. The roads were slippery. Just ahead of us two cars collided. Everyone in the traffic around us stomped on their breaks. As we braked, the car infront of us got awfully close, awfully fast. On the right side of our vehicle, we saw a Fedex truck spin around-- a complete 180.
And then it all stopped. The people in the accident ahead of us were OK. No additional cars were damaged. We breathed deeply and then carried on our way.
Back to Seaside--
We were there for an annual AA convention-- The North Coast Roundup. While I'm not in AA, I regularly attend. I have so many friends in AA that it is a nice weekend away. The speakers are always interesting. I may not have their problems, but it helps me sympathize.
The convention is large. While I don't know the numbers, well over 1000 people attended the Saturday evening speaker.
Seattle is very dog friendly. I know of at least four dog friendly bars and restaurants. I frequently bring my dog along to my weekly dinners with C2.
I think my dog is appreciative of the outing. Of course her nose regularly pops out from under the tables that we eat at. But she never begs or barks and she loves sniffing. This is different than her life in the Suburbs. At home she doesn't hesitate to bark at strange dogs. Or aggressively beg when we are eating.
For years we've attempted tp train our dog to play fetch properly. When you thow a ball, she'll chase it. However, after she retrieves the ball, she will runs off and lay someplace where she can chew on it undisturbed.
I've used treats to encourage her to return the ball to me. Unfortunately, once she knows I have treats, she focuses on the treat and ignores the ball. She is very food focused.
"Neither a borrower, nor a lender be. For loan oft loses both itself and friend. And borrower dulls the edge of husbandry."
A few weeks ago, I loaned C2 our iron. That was my mistake. C2 doesn't want to buy more stuff. He borrows when he can.
Of course, last Saturday the husband needed the iron. I reminded him that C2 borrowed it. The husband was miffed.
"He has a good income. He can go buy his own iron." The Husband worked off his frustration by heading out and buying a new iron.
A few days later when we shared these events with our room mate, she said "Irons are cheap. Why didn't he buy one?"
I texted C2 about the loaned iron. He responded "What does it really mean to 'loan' anyway?"
My bad. I have learnt my lesson.
Tuesday night the dog was sick. I am not sure what brought that on.
The dog is very good at warning us when she has to go outside. She will paces near us and barks. Should I walk towards her, she will respond by heading to the front door.
She did that at least half a dozen times during the night. Towards the end I slept on the sofa nearest the front door.
Then it was over. By 8am she was acting hungry so I fed her. Nothing went wrong.
That evening I needed to catch up on sleep, so I pushed my regular Tuesday dinner with C2 to Wednesday.
-------
C2 occasionally sees the homeless man who now owns his blanket and has gives me updates on its whereabouts. C2 wants to take pictures of the blanket and the man. He holds back because the man looks unstable.
Speaking of purging... C2 is also also getting rid of old stuff.
He owned a nice blanket that he hasn't used in years. Decades maybe. He acquired the blanket before his tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, before years of working in D.C. and Colorado. It was too nice to throw out. He never needed it, so he kept it in storage or the closet.
Reality finally set in. C2 was never going to use the blanket. It was just taking space. It was time to get rid of it.
C2 gave the blanket to a thrift shop near him hoping it would find a new home. A few days later C2 saw the blanket in the garbage by the thrift shop. He felt a little bummed when he realized his blanket wasn't good enough for the thrift shop.
A few days after that, while C2 was out for a walk, he saw that someone homeless had claimed his blanket.
The husband got rid of some of his old belongings. The experience made him a little blue. He had pictures of many of his old coworkers, grade and high school memorabilia, files, books. So many things. He could look at each thing and almost convince himself that it may be meaningful one day. Then he tempered that with the reality-- he hasn't looked in the boxes in years-- he hasn't kept touch with many of the people in decades.
I struggle with that as well. While I'm pretty good with keeping my physical property in check, I may be a digital hoarder. I have so many files that just maybe useful one day.
As a teenager, I listened in aww to CD's. They were so clear. So perfect. Such an improvement over tapes and records.
Now streaming is here. I can call up most any song, at any time. It will be played with perfect clarity.
My mother-in-law gifted the husband her record collection. The husband bought a record player.
I resisted at first, but there is something goofy and fun about listening to vinyl.
There should be no reason for vinyl. I live in a world where I can just say "Hey Siri, play "Come Fly With Me." and instantly listen to the best possible recording of that song.
Vinyl is work. You have to have that album, get the album out, blow the dust off, take the old record off the player, put on the new and let down the needle. Only then you get to listen.
Vinyl is also a commitment. With streaming you can stop or skip any song at any time. With a record player, you must get up, go to the machine and lift the needle.
And yet vinyl is charming. The extra work involved encourages us to be more thoughtful and a little more committed to listening.
C2 and I had good conversation over dinner.
We discussed a recent Saturday night of his. A friend of his was gooning, had taken drugs but then developed a priapism. I had to ask what goonging was. Apparently I am behind the times on current gay sex lingo.
The friend managed to get a prescription to treat the priapism, but didn't want to drive to pick it up because, well, he was on drugs.
Rather than being upfront with C2, the friend invited C2 over to hang out. C2 has a crush on this man, so he said yes.
After C2 arrived, the friend told him about his predicament and asked for a drive to a late night pharmacy. C2, being the softie that he is, went along with this. The first two pharmacies did not have the proper medication. They ended up driving to the other side of the city before they found one. All of this took hours.
Lately, I've been examining my life, trying to figure out what want, what the next phase will be. To inspire this, I've been contemplating the life goals of those around me. This story was my second reminder that many gay men are into partying, sex and drugs. It's an easy life
We've had a few days of snow here. It's melted away now. I'm hoping this is winter's last hurrah. It's March now, and March is the start of spring, Right?
At work, the new org is settling in. I'm getting to know everyone. I'm trying to understand their goals and how they intend to achieve them. We are taking baby steps towards working together.
Sunday, Clem and Bates hosted a small Carnival party. We had a good time. I know Clem and Bates because I used to be their neighbors. Most of the guests were-- how do I say this-- Clem and Bates are very sex positive. Most of their guests were former, or current, fuck buddies.
One of the couples discussed their glory hole and the websites they advertise on. It's a seasonal glory hole. It's outside and not insulated so they shut it down in the winter.
All but one of the guests was over 50. A few were retired. One of the discussions was about the complications of being an aging slut. When you are over 60, everyone wants you to be the daddy. When one of you is 60, and the other 55, do you really want to role play daddy-boy?
Afterwards the husband and I confirmed that we are happy with our closed relationship.
I'm having dinner with C2 tonight. I worry about him. He wants a boyfriend so bad, yet he seems to be going about that in all the wrong ways. I refrain from giving him advice-- he will ignore that. He enjoys discussing technical and scientific things. I enjoy his company.
It's been sunny and cold here in the Pacific North West. A coworker who moved to Seattle for the mild winters joked that he feels ripped off.
JM has passed away. I met JM when I first moved to Seattle. We had both moved to Seattle from the same area of Canada and ended up on the same hockey team.
We kept in touch even after I stopped playing hockey.
The husband met JM in the rooms of AA and briefly sponsored him. JM eventually decided that AA was not for him.
That brief story tells so much about JM.
JM died of some sort of respiratory failure, though we don't now the specifics. An autopsy is forthcoming. I'm not going to speculate until I learn back about that.
We've had a long weekend here. I've been using the time to clean up, catchup and chill. The weather here in the PNW is cool and rainy. Not conducive to hiking.
The husband and I have much travel scheduled over the next few months. Between now and July, I'll be away from home for five weeks-- working remote for some of it. Actual vacation for others.
Work is busy. I have finished my part in our annual promotions and bonus process. It's always frustrating. There is never enough money to give everyone what they deserve.
Perhaps my travel diarrhea is gone. Sometime this afternoon I noticed that I felt lighter and a little more energetic. The burn in my belly is gone. We shall see if I have any sudden compulsions to run to the bathroom.
I often claim that I need more down time. I'm trying to apply a little more discipline to what little downtime I have. It's easy to get sucked into social media, to play games or to watch some crap TV. I want to use my down time a little more intentionally. A little more journaling, reading and writing. A little more pondering, reflection and meditation.
I seem to have developed a bad habit of glancing at my phone when I experience five seconds of silence.
So tonight I've turned on the music. A pad and pen are next to me. Let's see what happens.
Damn it's hard to stay away from my phone.
The husband is had a great week. He won two awards for work performance. The prizes are trips to Ireland and Switzerland.
It was also his birthday on Sunday. Happy birthday sweetheart! Sunday, we had a few friends over to celebrate.
Pinched nerve news-- this morning was the first time I haven't felt pain since December. The tingle and numbness is still there. Overall, things are headed in the right direction.
80% of my therapy is proper posture. 20% are exercises to help muscles weakened after decades of slouching. Good posture is tiring, especially at the end of the day. I just want to chill and watch a little TV. No laying back or slouching for me. I sit like an alert student.
Work is going through a reorg, but in a good way. My org is growing. In addition to my existing teams I will pick up a team in Toronto as well as the team in Sydney Australia.
I am looking forward to visiting my Australia team.
In all honesty, one of my strengths is in dealing with geographically diverse teams. It helped that I travel to Toronto regularly for family.
I'm more optimistic about my pinched nerve. The physiotherapist has also given me a few good exercises. I'm only prescribed to do them once a day. One of them feels so good that I'm doing it four or five times.
The THC infused ointment helps. It's relief lasts five or six hours.
When I told the husband that I was taking the topical THC painkiller he made a joke about rubbing it all over his body.
With this I am back to a state where I can get mostly decent sleep.
Tommy writes..
usually the the block last 6 to 12 months sometimes longer depending on the person and the nerve. its an injection that some of my friends have had.
The should pain, the pinched nerve, stays with me non-stop. Sometimes if I contort my body a certain way, then it will let up. However, one can only contort their body for so long. So far I've been to my regular doctor, a massage therapist and a chiropractor. No relief. Acetaminophen works ok. A take a dose before I go to bed.
At work we are having a reorg. Oddly this is an easy time for me. We are not laying people off, though that comes to everyone's mind. It's my job to answer questions and to assure them of their future.
Palm Springs was a pleasant weekend get-away. The weather was sunny and 65ish while we were there. The husband and I had a chat about moving to Palm Springs. We know many people who spend part of the year there. It's a popular place for gay retirement. I can see why. The weather is pleasant in the winter and the homes are more affordable than Seattle.
It's also insanely hot in the summer. One couple said they spend over $1000.00 per month on AC during the hot times of the year. Neither the husband enjoy extreme heat.
We are down in Palm Springs for a few days. It's Allen's birthday. He wanted to celebrate there and he invited us along.
I have a pinched nerve somewhere in my back or shoulder. I've had it for a two or three weeks. I'm not in great pain. just a constant ache with intermittent finger and arm tigles. I've gone to the doctor about it. In the short run there is not much that can be done--improve my posture, stretch regularly, exercise. While I have a pinched nerve, I don't have a loss of strength or coordination, so this may be something my body just has to work out. If the pain continues for a few more months, then we can start scans.
And back to work today.
Aside from my Uncle's death, the holidays were festive. We had friends and family over for dinner on Christmas and New Years eve. We attended the brother-in-law's birthday party. We ate too much, especially cookies and cake.
I'm not going to weigh my self till ext week. Let's see what the damage is after a week of normal eating.
Prechristmas (Advent?) is quiet. The weather, a mixture of snow and freeing rain, has been keeping many people at home.
To keep the hummingbird feeder from freezing, I've been brining in at night. The birds are grateful when I return it in the morning.
Wednesday and Thursday I did go to work. My VP had some use-it-or-lose-it money that he needed to spend before the end of year, so we had an impromptu holiday get-together at work.
Saturday, we hosted a holiday open house for our AA friends. Maybe 30 people showed up. It was good.
We have way too many leftovers now. Ham, crackers and cookies in particular. I've been impulsively snacking on the cookies.
Christmas, we are hosting a smaller party for family. Whatever is left will be served then.
We've been busy. Nothing much here to pontificate on. I'm just writing it all down so that I remember.
Two weekends ago we saw "Pink Martini."
Last weekend we saw "Jingle all the gay" on Friday. This is an annual holiday drag show. The two friends we saw it with said it's basically the same script every year, freshened up a bit to poke fun at whatever politics are current.
Saturday was the Seattle Symphony Christmas Pops. Sunday--dinner with Evan and Allen.
The husband has flown to CA for a few days for work.
We've had a gentle snow off and on over the past three days. We've finished with the Christmas decorations. Merry Christmas everyone. Happy Holidays.
The husband has a grade school friend in from out of town. She had a day long layover in Seattle, so they decided to get together. It's a pleasant day with her. She is decidedly more introverted than most of the husband's other friends, but she is enjoying the conversation.
After a whirlwind trip through Toronto, we are back in Seattle.
In Toronto, we hung out with my friends, saw "Mean Girls," toured museums and ate too much.
Of course my friends have their own life challenges. We all have aging parents, some of whom also have dementia. One couple has an autistic child who can be a handful.
These eastern Ontario farmers can be fiercely independent and frugal. Often to a fault. I've seen them bring their own cookies to a coffee shop.
To be this frugal, they learn to be a jack of all trades. Sometimes they must be a vet. Sometimes a mechanic or welder. Sometimes a builder, a carpenter or plumber. As a kid I remember being in awe of the breadth of their knowledge.
At my parents home there is a sink in the laundry room. The drain has developed a small leak. This is not an emergency, but it must be dealt with. This morning, Dad and I took a look at it.
Dad pulled back the sink so we see the drain better. What I saw made me ill. Generations of farmers have been too frugal, have been hacking at that drain connection. It was a Frankenstein of different pipes, fittings and flanges.
We discussed how to fix the leak. I suggested we remove and replace a few more of the pipes so that we could start with something new and predictable. There are so many joints under that sink that if we don't get it just right, then another leak would open up nearby. Dad pointed out that if we started down that path, then there would be no end in site. He called it Mickey-Mouse plumbing. The house is full of it. He found it best to leave it alone as much as possible.
And so we are building yet another pipe-flange-fitting combo. We will add it on to the rest of the beast that is this house's plumbing.
As it turns out, dad has a closet dedicated to plumbing odds and ends-- little bits of pipes each of a slightly different diameter, different kinds of seals and sealants and the tools needed to adapt all this to fix the leak-du-jour.
Fiercely independent and frugal. Often to a fault.
My mother-- what about my mother. She has memory issues. She has Alzheimer's. She had cancer. Perhaps she is over the the cancer. The last scan was good.
And she has energy and is so very cheerful. She can't be left alone. She likes to talk, reciting the same stories over and over-- repeatedly asking the same question. And she is so very cheerful.
When I am at their home, I will spend time with mom while dad does errands around their property. If mom is not around dad for long, then she will wonder where he is, and eventually will decide to go out and look for him. I can gently talk to her, reminder her that dad will be back in a few minutes. She doesn't need to go out to find him.
And dad-- he has an encyclopedic knowledge of the local map. Who owns what property. Who owned it it before. How well each property is taken care of.
The GPS and map on my phone work well here. Still when I'm going someplace, dad insists on giving me the directions with color commentary.
I was at the dentists office yesterday for a regular checkup. While I was in the chair, I noticed that they were playing 80s Heavy Metal office wide as the background music. One example-- AC DC's Highway To Hell. It wasn't a Muzak instrumental version. It was the original version.
How did that happen? When did we decide that old Heavy Metal is now safe office music. Or maybe it's always been that way. In 25 years today's risqué music will be heard, unedited, in elevators everywhere.
The husband is taking a hard look at his career. His company has just gone through a large reorg with many job cuts. He is very uncertain about his new job and his new manager. He is pretty sure that he could earn another $30K or $40K at a different company.
He has traveled to Dallas this week for internal meetings. He is having good talks with his new manager.
C2 and I had dinner last night. Over dinner he mentioned that he had to "be on" when we have dinner together-- be a nicer person-- be a little more talkative. Sometimes he just wants to hang out with someone and not talk about things, or be nice.
Late on, I told the husband this. He laughed a little.
From that point of view, the husband is the opposite of C2. The husband is uncomfortable when he's around people and they aren't talking to each other.
Good for you! I have to admit I still have Instagram and TikTok, but I try to minimize the amount of time I spend on them.
I have uninstalled Twitter, Facebook, Instagram & Reddit.
I have started using Mastodon. I'm not sure I'm going to stick with it. It's a bit chaotic.
Getting off of social media is as much about me trying to reclaim some time in my day than it is a political statement about Musk or Zuckerberg. Thought that did help. Their recent flare ups have caused me to ask "Where am I spending my time? How can I better do so?"
I am blogging a bit more. Though those have been very matter-of-fact. I am also reading more.
Pulling up Facebook or Twitter is a very strong habit. Even a week after removing their apps, I regularly take out my phone and go to the spot where their icons once sat. Now I stare at the blank space and contemplate what to do next.
We've put up our indoor Christmas decorations-- our Christmas tree, wreaths and a nativity scene. We are traveling a bit in the next few weeks, so this weekend was as good as any.
Saturday we attended a sober, Drag Queen Bingo fundraiser. It was good. I won a gift card.
We also saw the Planter's NUTMOBILE. Somehow they got word of the fundraiser and so they showed up. We talked to the drivers for a while. It's an interesting job. They are friends with the folks who run Oscar Mayer's Weinermobile.
Sunday evening was cut short. The husband was originally going to travel for work on Monday. His flight was canceled. He ended up leaving late Sunday.
The cousins are off. They have flown back to England. Our home is back to its usual self.
The weather is thoroughly fall now. Rain. Cool. In small talk, people are commenting how rapidly it changed. One day we had summer weather. The next day it was fall.
We are discussing putting up Christmas this weekend. We are traveling to Ontario for the last two weeks of November. So next weekend will be the last weekend we can do it, unless we want to put it up late.
Christmas decorations please the husband.
Of course good news can't go unchallenged. Mom is in the hospital. She will be OK.
For sometime now, years, Mom has been prone to seizures and groggy episodes. When she has a groggy episode, she becomes quiet. She can't safely stand. It's like she's half asleep. When an episode comes on, dad will put her to bed or lay her on the sofa. Five or ten minutes later she will snap out of it, return to normal and not remember anything wrong.
This morning she had an extended groggy episode. My parents had breakfast. Everything was fine. Then she started to fade out. Dad put her to bed. That was two hour ago. She wasn't snapping out of it so dad brought her to the hospital.
Good news from my mother. The results from her latest scan look good. There is no sign of cancer in her right now.
Our fall schedule is full. The husband and I are visiting my parents for two weeks in November. Add some work travel and a few holiday parties to that, and all of a sudden it's Christmas before we have a free weekend.
The husband and I have been discussing our perennially full schedule. We'd like to have a few smaller fun events where it's just he and I. Maybe we'll take a cooking class, or glass blowing. Maybe Spanish lessons together.
I had a two day work trip to San Francisco. This time the days were packed. With the prior trip, I had one very busy day, followed by an empty day. Perhaps the company is becoming a little more open to working in person.
While I was away, Seattle had terrible air quality. For two days in a row, Seattle had the worst air quality of any place on earth. Even Pakistan had better air quality.
The husband's cousins are back at our place. For the past few weeks they have been touring the west coast. They had a good time. They were camping often. The camp grounds are shutting down, so they returned early.
Banking story... the cousins are from England. They discovered they can't pay their credit card bill while they are traveling because their bank needs to send them a text to check they haven't been hacked. Of course, they can't receive the text because they are in the U.S.
Their bank has a branch nearby. The tellers at the bank couldn't fix the problem.
However, they discovered that if they are on the bank's wifi, then they can use their banking app without the extra check. All good, sort of. The cousins now go to the bank once a week. Hang out in the lobby to do their banking. Explain to security what they are doing, and then get on with their lives.
Wednesday, my CEO was in town. We had a large all-hands meeting at the office. Afterwards about twenty randomly chosen people, including me, went out for dinner with him. It was an interesting experience.
My first takeaway is that I would hate to be a CEO. It would be exhausting. Half the crowd was angling to talk to him-- share their ideas, ask him difficult questions, complain. The other half went out of the way to keep their distance. Thought out it all, the CEO kept a smile on his face and had pleasant conversation with everyone. He drew the quiet out. He listened to the same trivial complaint half a dozen times and took it calmly and seriously.
Thursday, the Husband and I had a date night. Dinner at "The Fog Room." It has nice views of the Puget Sound. The weather is warm and we sat outside. Air quality is still low. Smoke is pervasive. Everywhere smells like a campfire. None-the-less, we enjoyed our dinner on the patio.
Towards the end of dinner, the Husband suggested we meet up with his brother for dessert. The brother-in-law lives nearby. So we switched restaurants and spent an hour chatting with him. It was good to catch up. He seems to be doing well.
Saturday we attended Salmon Day's with Allen & Even. Salmon Day's are is the local, annual street fair. We celebrate the return of the salmon to the city. We eat street fair food-- corn dogs, deep fried spiral cut potatoes, mini-donuts. We check out the artists.
This was the first Salmon Day's since the pandemic.
The fried food stands had huge lines. The husband and I joked that if we ever wanted to quit our jobs and become street fair vendors, then mini-donuts and elephant ears are the way to go.
Sunday we walked up the stairs of the Space Needle. This was a charity fundraiser. The Space Needle has 832 steps.
We did it in 17 minutes and 58 seconds.
The fastest stair climbers did it in five minutes. In an interview the fastest man said he does stair climbing all the time. Friday he did the Columbia Center for practice. Today he is flying off to Tampa for another climb.
Things are quiet this week. The husband is away for leadership training (at Westpoint!) our roommate is dog sitting. No-one at home but me and my dog.
I try to play fetch with the dog. It's good exercise for her. She has her own rules to fetch. She has trained us as much as we have trained her.
1. The dog decides where the ball is thrown and returned. If I throw the ball from an unacceptable spot, she will return the ball to the correct spot. It's then my obligation to walk to that spot and start throwing from there.
2. The dog decides the direction and the distance for the ball to be thrown. As I start to throw the ball, she'll start running. If I don't throw the ball a bit ahead of her, she'll give up on chasing the ball, then turn around and glare.
3. The dog decides how often the ball is to be thrown. At some point, she'll stop returning the ball. She'll just lay down and chew on the ball. She will show no interest if I walk over and take the ball away from her.
I understand what happened with the cousin's plan. In England, they purchased a U.S. package for their cell phone. Once in America, they discovered that their phone won't actually work on a U.S. network. The cell company can't fix this.
To get full access to their bank account, they need to receive a code from the bank by text message... and that phone can't work here.
The cousins traveled to the US with a very limited credit card and a very flakey cell phone. They do have tablets that can connect to wifi.
Their bank has a branch near us. They are traveling to it this afternoon to see what they can do about accessing more of their money.
Yesterday they took the mother-in-law on a nice roadtrip to Leavenworth, WA. A little tourist destination that's about two hours away from us.
-
The mother-in-law has started her radiation treatment. She should be done with it within a month.
The cousins are still here. The husband and I have been discussing their rather open ended travel plans. They will probably stay till Monday. They think they will come back at the end of October for a week, or maybe two.
Now, the cousins are clean and quiet people. It's easy to have interesting conversation with them. They are still strangers in our house. They bring small impositions. Who buys the food? Do we cook for them each night? Who gets to choose what we watch on TV? When we have company over, do we invite the cousins as well? Do we shoo them away? Small impositions, none the less, they are impositions.
Of course, we want to spend time at their place when we travel to England. And of course, they are good people, so we still want to have a strong relationship with them.
The husband is going to talk to them about their travel plans. Maybe if they bought food and cooked it would be better. We shall see.
It's been a busy labour day weekend for us.
The husband's cousins are here. They are a wonderful retired couple who do a lot of traveling. This is their first trip to the U.S. since before the pandemic.
They arrived a few days ago and are staying for the next week. After that they will head off on a roadtrip and visit their friends and see the sights up and down the coast.
Friday I helped move C2 to his new apartment. He moved down one floor and to the other side of the building. The new apartment should be a bit more quiet. The move was straightforward. He moved all the small stuff the previous day. All we had to do was to move a sofa, mattress and table.
Saturday, we drove the cousins to visit the mother-in-law. The cousins and the brother-in-law went to a Husky's football game.
Sunday we had a BBQ for the husband's family.
Monday, the brother-in-law hosted a small party for a friends at his rowing club.
We are off to Vancouver and Whistler for a few days.
Part of this is to recelebrate our 5th year anniversary. Officially our 5th anniversary was back in July, however we were quarantining from each other at that time so it didn't happen.
We also bought new wedding rings for each other. A bit about that-- we always buy cheap wedding rings and then change them up every couple of years.
The first rings were tungsten rings that got for about $15 each on Amazon. After a couple of years, I accidentally dropped mine and it shattered.
So we bought a couple of stainless steel wedding bands for maybe $10 each.
A few weeks ago the husband suggested that we upgrade our wedding bands. Titanium bands are nice. We just spent $14 each for our titanium bands, and maybe ten times that for a celebratory dinner.
We are having our house painted. The instructions to the painter were to paint it with exactly the same colours as it was. Of course the paint isn't turning out that way. It's a little darker. A little less saturated. Or maybe not. When its not in bright sun it looks a bit warmer. The painter can point to the pain cans and show us its the same spec as what we gave him.
This is stressing the husband out a bit. I want to support the husband, but I'm not that emotionally in tune with subtle shades of colour. As long as its not garish, then I'll be fine.
I don't want to put all of this on the husband though. He does have better taste than me.
Tuesday, I had dinner with C3. Tacos at a local gay bar. I try to have dinner with him regularly. He lives in a trendy area of Seattle. It's fun for me to get out of the suburbs-- to see the hip & cool kids.
C3 is waging war on the pigeons that visit his balcony. He has a bird feeder there and enjoys watching the small birds eat at it. On the other hand the pigeons chase off the small birds and make a mess.
His solution has been to build a Rube Goldberg of a cage around the bird feeder. The cage is made of odds and ends found around the house-- plastic tubs, bits of metal, duct tape. The holes in the cage are big enough to let the small birds through, but small enough to keep the pigeons out.
The pigeons constantly pry at the cage to pull it part and gain access to the food. He responds by rebuilding the cage with more duct tape and stronger odds-and-ends.
I asked him why he doesn't buy a pigeon proof bird feeder. They are not that expensive. He responded that he's moving soon and he doesn't want to buy anything more to move.
C3's lease expires soon and he's looking for a new aparment. His apartment overlooks a loud and busy park-- there are always people there playing basketball, skate boarding, baseball, sometimes cricket. He wants an apartment that is more quiet.
-
At work, my manager has been promoted. My manager asked me if I wanted to apply for his job. He is looking for a replacement. In the past I've said I'm not interested in that job. It's more administration, more stress and less direct engagement with our business problems.
I talked this over with C3. His blunt response was "Why wouldn't you apply?"
This morning I threw my hat into that ring. We'll see. I'm trying to not be emotionally attached to this. There are good reasons to hire a fresh outside candidate. There are also good reasons to hire me.
My mother has had her latest call with the oncologist. Positive news. Her last scan shows some swelling in the area around the tumor, but that's not uncommon. She'll have another scan in three months.
The husband is keeping busy during his travels-- hanging out with friends. Buying cheap tickets to musicals. I'm happy for him.
For the past few days, I have been in San Francisco for work. It's largely a moral and team building event with dinners, parties and and a harbor cruise.
Hundreds of people flew in for Tuesday and Wednesday. The offices were busy. Most people have returned home. I'm staying for an extra day. Of course the office is quiet again. I have the 24th floor of our building all to myself.
This floor as an expensive espresso machine. Allegedly $15,000.00. I want to make some coffee with it, but the buttons are all obscure icons. I'll youtube some training videos later.
Today is my second last day in Ontario. My brother and his wife left yesterday. Baring any disaster at the airports, I should be home Saturday night.
The husband picked up an STD during his relapse. It's all treatable. He and I must have much deep conversation about our relationship. He is humiliated about the relapse and is punishing himself. He is also being very open and honest with me.
I have no urge to have a revenge trick. Between the husband's bad experience, and C2's stories about his hookups, I have no desire to go down that path.
So, what does it look like to repair my relationship with the husband?
I am also catching up with hold high school acquaintances. Some of them are talking about stepping back from work. Not retiring, but working less aggressively.
One, a real-estate agent, said she her work is dawn-to-dusk, seven-days-a-week. The is affecting her relationships and her health. She is stepping back from real-estate to find something new.
Another couple, who has always run multiple small businesses, saw some of their business go-away at the start of the pandemic. Their other businesses grew and could largely be run remotely.
This fall they will try RVing for few months to see if they enjoy it. The husband is looking forward to it, but uncertain. He's not good at sitting still or driving for hours-- at the start of the pandemic he stress-built a new wing on their house because he needed something to do.
Saturday, I tracked down another high school acquaintance. We are both children of farmers and sat at the same table during home-room.
Recently BH has had some medical issues. A blood vessel kept leaking in his brain. The surgery to address that appears to have been successful. He is now recovering at home.
While BH is recovering a cousin of mine is helping around BH's farm. My cousin suggested I talk to BH-- BH has nothing to do during the day and would appreciate the company.
It was good to catch up with him. We are *very* different people. Very different life experiences. BH mentioned that I seem to be good at talking to people, something he's always struggled with. BH runs a very successful farm-- a life I intentionally moved far far away from decades ago.
I've sorted out some of the confusion with my mothers medical information. The diagnostics center and her doctor are in two different hospital systems. These two systems don't always know how to share information. After many phone calls to each I found someone who was able to stitch things together. Now we should have a follow up appointment next week where we can get some answers.
My parents are the kind of folks who, when company is coming, will start brewing a pot of coffee an hour ahead of time, so it will be ready, nice and hot when the company arrives.
My brother and parents are off to Ottawa today. Dad has a followup appointment from yesterday's cataract surgery. They also want to do some shopping.
My sister-in-law and I are staying back. Aside from my regular work, I am also following up on mom's doctor's appointment.
And we are cleaning and purging.
We've found much old food that needs to go. Spices and canned food that are ten years old. At first I was worried they were eating the old food. However, that is not happening. There are maybe three shelves of food in the fridge that they use regularly. That's all fresh and new. Everything else-- they have a pantry, a second fridge and a large stand-alone freezer-- is ignored. That food ages in place.
I am visiting my parents in eastern Ontario. My brother and his wife are here as well.
Some background info-- my mother believes she is a healthy independent woman. She doesn't know that she can't remember what happened more than 10 minutes ago. She becomes angry quickly should she be surprised by information that she is not healthy. Conversations about her car or health have to happen behind her back.
On our first evening here, we were all outside chatting. At some point my mother went inside to use the washroom. While she was absent, my father told us that mom has a tumor on her lung. She has received 8 shots of radiation to treat it.
That was heavy and a big surprise. I'm sure dad didn't tell us because he didn't want to upset mom. I wish he would have told us long ago. I'm sure he didn't because mom would have been angry should he have shared that info with us.
Mom looks healthy. Perhaps a bit more thin than last time. She does not look like she has been receiving radiation treatment.
Unfortunately dad doesn't know any more information about the tumor than that. He doesn't know the type. The prognosis.
Dad did have a call scheduled with the Doctor for today. Dad couldn't attend the call because he also had cataract surgery today. (Cataract Surgery! Another surprise) I took the call but didn't learn much. The doctor didn't have a recent CT scan. Either my parents forgot to get mom scanned again, or the scan has not yet made it to the doctor. Another call must be scheduled
C2 and I had dinner with Clem and Bates. They are retired now and enjoying the time. Though, Bates mentioned that he has spent about half of his life savings in the past year. He must dial that back.
Clem and Bates both have healthy pensions. Blowing through life savings won't be as much of a crises for them as for most people.
They have also gone soft on leaving Seattle. Preretirement they considered selling their house and moving somewhere more affordable. Now they realize that they like Seattle. They enjoy traveling somewhere else for a few weeks, but then they are ready to return home. Sometimes it's nice to spend a few weeks close to family. It's also good to leave.
I stepped in it a little with C2. C2 and I frequently have dinner together on Tuesday. When Clem and Bates invited me to dinner on Tuesday. I texted C2 "Tuesday schedule... drinks with C&B at Diesel at 6pm. Dinner at LS at 7:15" He did not like the direct approach I took with the text. I do not order him around. We are friends. I need to ask.
I apologized. He got over it quickly.
Our weather is finally pleasant. The longest day of the year is almost here.
Saturday we visited the mother-in-law at here home. She is doing well though she quickly becomes tired.
Saturday evening we had dinner and a game night with some of our AA friends. It was fun.
One of our dinner guests spent the night. He drove two hours to visit us. Rather than having him drive two hours back, he crashed in our spare bedroom. The next morning we had breakfast together and went for a local hike. Then he drove back to his home.
This experience led the husband and I to have some good conversations about our relationship. Sometimes I have problems connecting to people in the program. When that happens I'm prone to pulling up my cell phone and tuning out.
The husband gets it that I may not want to build a relationship with everyone in the program. Instead of tuning out, he asked me to make other plans or do my own thing. I don't have to hang out with him just because he has an AA event.
We decided to coordinate our social lives a little more. Perhaps I'll visit my friends the same night he visits his AA friends instead of both of us visiting my friends one night and both of us visiting his friends the second.
