Friday evening, L and I had dinner at The Satelite Grill. We originally were going to eat at a new place called the 1200 Bistro, but when we go there, the wait was 90 minutes. Afterwards we went to the Cuff. L has a fuck buddy in that neighborhood, and the FB invited him over, so after one beer, L left.

I just talked to a few people and got frustrated. The only guys I found attractive weren't interested in dating-- they just wanted to play around.

Brian was there. We didn't talk. We nodded hello and then spent the evening on opposite ends of the Cuff. I caught myself thinking "How can I work things out with Brian?" I've got to stop that. Brian and I have been trying to work things out for far too long. I have to stay a way.

I was in bed by midnight.

Saturday, Bruce and I went to the Washington Cask Beer Festival. About 40 local breweries were giving out samples. We tried 15 different beers-- just shot glasses of beer. We got a bit tanked. I ended up telling Bruce more about Master Mark than I intended. Bruce knew that I have an FB called Mark, but that's it. He didn't know that Mark wants me to be his sex slave.

On the way home from the Beer Festival, Bruce and I stopped of at the liquor store. I needed to buy some Irish Cream for Ryan's Halloween party. I saw a bottle of "Ryan's Cream" I thought "Perfect. That will be a good laugh".

When I got to the cashier, she said "Have You tried Ryan before?"
I said "No."
The cashier repied "Well, he's not very good."

At the party I told Ryan and Jen that story. We had a good laugh.

The Halloween party was fun. A few minor incidents. One girl fainted-- costume was too hot, she was on a bit of medication and drinking too much. She recovered quickly with no injuries.

B&M were at the party. They brought their new baby. He's so small. B&M are both around 5'6'', so imagine the size of their baby. I'm 6'6'' with big hands. I could hold the baby in one hand. The baby was very well behaved. Even though the party was loud, he slept through it.

Some 'cool' people showed up. They really didn't fit into the party. No one really knew them-- they were friends of a friend who didn't show up. It's hard to descibe them, they weren't bad people, it's just that they noticable stuck out and stayed a bit away from the rest of the crowd.

I heard a couple of good stories from Kam. Kam is a private investigator, so often something strange is going on in his life. He told me a sad story about a woman who's husband just left. He said he was going out to do some yard work, but instead he hoped in the car and left. Two weeks later she still hadn't heard from him. Her purse was in the car. Kam suspects he's at his mother's house. His mother won't confirm or deny that he's there.

Kam has also been doing some survailence on a waitress who works at a strip club. He has had a few tense moments smuggling the camera into the strip club. One time he was carrying a conceled gun. A stripper rubbed his hip, and felt the gun. She asked "Is that your cell phone?" Kam quickly said yes. It looks like things are finally going well for Kam. Usually his private investigation work is very tedious-- pre-employment screenings, survailence to catch workers-comp fraud. He's happy that he's finally got one interesting case. He was bragging that he got paid to hang out at a strip club.

I got a bit drunk. When I got home, I ended up talking to Master Mark. He wants to get a cock cage for me, so that I can only cum when he lets me. I agreed. Now that I'm sober, I'm having second thoughts.

Nothing much happened today. I'm going to a halloween party on Saturday, so I worked on my costume. I'm trying to be a mummy. It looks pretty lame. I used duct tape to to fasten wrappings to track pants and a long sleeve shirt. However the duct tape shows through the wrappings, so I look like a fuzzy tape ball.

I was never good at crafts.

Keeping my journal on line is kind of weird. It sort of inflates my ego knowing that strangers find me vagualy interesting. I have to watch myself to keep the journal honest. After all, we all have a tendancy to portray ourselves in the best light. I have to stop my self from thinking "If I write that, Tommy will never date me."

I've also added comments to the journal. This reduces the barrier between me and my readers even more. I'm getting a few comments, all constructive, but it really blurs the lines of privacy and ego. Part of me thinks "That's pretty cocky of you to think that your life is worth the analysis of strangers." Most of me doesn't care. After all it's not like I'm putting scads of effort and money into this. So what if strangers peek. No one's forcing them. It's fun.

So I had another internet date tonight. He was a realestate agent. Nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him. His eyes were on me constantly. I think he's trained himself to always look directly at whomever he's talking to. But, it had an creapy effect-- like one of those portait paintings with eyes that always look at you..

We had dinner at the Celtic Bayou.

Afterwards, Mark the truck driver called. We talked a while, and I invited him over. He spent the night. He's a nice guy. We'll see what happens. Mark is heading out on a run today. It will be about a week before he comes back. He told me that he's been fantasizing about me for years.

This whole "Give Harry Space" plan is driving me nuts. This weekend is the Washington Cask Beer Festival; Bruce and I are going. I left Harry a message, asking if he wanted to go. He left me a message saying no, he was going to be busy this weekend. But, the way he stressed the 'no' bugs me. He said the "No" like "No you creap, I want you to stay away from me." On the flip side, I may just be overanalysing things.

Either way, I have to let it go. Give Harry his Space. I can't mention it. Bah.

Had a date last night. His name was Jason. We had dinner and drinks at the Elysian. He's not a bad man.

The Elysian is next to the Cuff. So, after we had dinner, Jason went home and I stopped by the Cuff. That's were I ran into Mark. Mark is a truck driver that I've known for years. He's always said he's been very attracted to me, but until recently he was in a relationship. So, we had a few drinks together and ended up closing the Cuff. I went home alone, but I gave Mark my number. Mark said "He was hoping to do more than just call me."

Harry just bought a house. It sounds like a nice place.

Over email I offered to help him move. He wrote back..
"K will do.. Thank you.. Me"

So I can't tell if he actually wants me to help him move, or if he's just putting me off.

We also talked on the phone. He's very excited about the house. It sounds like a bit of a fixerupper, but it's got lots of potential; many big rooms, good view of Kent Valley.

I wish him luck.

In other news, I'm doing that Internet Date thing again. I've got one date tonight, and one date tomorrow. We'll see. Both guys are attractive and in their mid 40's.

Played hockey tonight; Ryan and I carpooled to the game.

Well, we took a big shit on the ice. We lost 8-2. Everyone sucked. The goalie was a sieve. Defense couldn't clear the puck or setup the forwards. Forwards fumbled the puck when they got it.

Ryan and I talked about it afterwards. Part of the problem is that we've taken on a few new and green players. Now we have too many people. Our good players can’t play strong. They have to back up the weak players.

Also tonight the refs started the game early. Our team has a lot of guys who arrive 5 minutes before the warm up. So, if they decide to start the game 10 minutes early, it really hurts.

Finally, tonight we had a substitute goalie who's style was very different than our regular goalie. By the time defense figured out the goalie, 5 goals went in. She's used to playing in a woman's rec league-- no slap shots, forwards won't aggressively run the net.

So, Friday night, Bruce, L and I had dinner at the Siam's and coffee at the Starbucks. Afterwards, L went home. Bruce and I went to the Cuff. We walked to the middle bar. Master Mark was there, passionatly kissing someone. The two Stevens from my softball team were also in the middle bar. So, Bruce, the two Stevens and I chatted while Master Mark necked. After a few minutes Mark and his trick left. The four of us kept taking till about 1am. The two stevens are cool people. I'm should keep in touch with them.

Saturday afternoon, Bruce and I went caving at the Talus Rocks. It was fun. We took a lot of photos.

In the evening, Bruce needed to talk to his ex, F. Bruce and F work together on a TV show and Bruce needed to get some images from F for the next show. So, F, F's new boyfriend, Bruce and I met for dinner. Small world story; Last summer I had a date with F's new boyfriend It didn't go anywhere and we didn't have sex. I didn't mention the date to F or Bruce. It's hard enough to build a relationship. The last thing F needs is someone telling old pointless gossip about his new BF.

After dinner, I went online for a while and ran into Master Mark. He told me that he was feeling down last night, so he picked up that guy and had very bad sex with him. He asked me why I didn't say hi to him. I told him it was because he was lip locked with the trick. So, we talked a while. He mentioned that I'm not the best conversationalist and that he'd like it if I called him more. He could never figure out if I was interested in him.

Well, we agreed to get together, to talk, to have sex. He had me do a couple of shots to help me relax. I told him I was hoping for a vanilla kind of relationship. He said he partially wanted the same thing. He wanted a vanilla relationship outside of the house, but master/slave in the house.

I'm tryijng to figure Master Mark out. I think he was a momma's boy. She died about 6 months ago. Now for the first time, he's really on his own. He's never had a long term relationship. He's dated guys for a few weeks, but nothing real. That probably explains why he cruises so much; he doesn't know what to do with his free time.

I still spent the night.

Sunday morning I bought some more dumbbells for weight trainging. My 50lbs dumbbells are too light and my 75lbs bells are too heavy. So, I bought a used pair of 60lbs at Play it Again Sports. I think my body is comming along. Both Master Mark and Bruce have made comments.

Bought myself a new toy. an HP Jordana Pocket PC. Part of me wants to believe that it will help me organize my life and make things more convienent, but I'm not kidding myself, it's a toy.

HP seams to have a great delivery system. I ordered the Jordana Tuesday evening at about 8pm. I payed for the slowest delivery (FedEx Ground) Yet, by Wednesday evening, the PPC was at my door.

I've been loading it up with games, embarrassing photo's of Bruce (Every time Bruce and I go hiking, I take a picture of him peeing) and a few books.

I had beer with Bruce tonight. We went to J&M's. Hurding Cat's was playing again. It looks like they have a regular Thursday night gig. It looks like their name is getting around. Tongiht many more people were dancing to them.

Bruce is stressing out over work, over his two BF's who keep telling him "Let's just be friends", and over a local TV show that he produces. Along with our beer, we had a shot of vodka, really bad vodka. I can still feel it eating at my stomach. I should have asked for the name, I'd like to avoid it in the future.

Had beer with Bruce last night. He's unsure about Chris. He keeps getting the "Let's just be Friends" speach from Chris, yet Chris keeps wanting to spend time with Bruce, and is very sweet to Bruce.

Chris is out of town on Business. He's in NYC. This is the first time Chris has been back to NYC since the attacks. Bruce relayed the following... "Just got off the phone to Chris . He’s having a good time. He sounds happy which is nice. He walked to the WTC last night. Said it was weird not seeing the buildings and it’s all lit up like some movie site."

Harry just called me. We just chatted. He's put an offer in on a house. It sounds like a good place. He's excited about it.

We caught up on what each other are doing. We didn't make any plans to get together. It was still good to talk to him.

Our work cafeteria is still crap. But, I've figured out how to get half decent service-- I actively manage the cooks. "I'd like a Hamburger with tater-tots. No, don't put cheese on that. I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon… I said I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon." Today I got a half decent burger and tater-tots fairly quickly. I was very pleased with myself until I bit into a tater-tot-- it was still frozen in the center.

The rain has hit Seattle. It’s been dark and gloomy for days. I feel like snuggling up with someone and loving them and spoiling them.

I think I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure. Last night I ran into my ex, Brian. He won is wrongfull dismissal lawsuit and has come unto a lot of money. He paid off his mortgage and is going to take a long cruise. He put a lot of pressure on me to start seeing him again. I told him no. I ended up saying 'no' 20 different ways with 20 different reasons.

At about midnight last night he called me again. We fought on the phone for a while.

Tonight he called me again to see if I wanted to come over. I told him no. He wanted to know why and I fumbled around to try and explain. In the end I told him that us sleeping together was just slowing us down from finding real lovers. For the first time in years, he accepted what I said, and didn't fight me to change my mind.

I think this is one of those moments where the right thing is bittersweet.

So, Bruce has two friends in town from Porltand. We arranged things so that the friends would stay at Bruce's place, and Bruce and Chris would sleep over at mine.

We were supposed to meet the friends at 8pm at the Broadway but as luck would have it Bruce and Chris were late. I didn't know what the friends looked like, so I didn't know who to join.

After dinner Chris dragged us to an bar in a very up scale hotel. It was kind of fun. I had a martini. I noticed that my attitude to alcohol is changinig for the worse. Two years ago I only drank beer and wine. Never hard liquor. I didn't like the taste of it. Last night my martini tasted very good. I guzzled it.

Afterwards we drove back to Bruce's place. Due to a misscommunication, Bruce and Chris arrived a half an hour late. Apparently I was supposed to drive by Bruce and Chris's to wave them off before I drove to Bruce's place. I didn't. The parking lot was way out of the way, so I just drove towards the freeway. So, Bruce and Chris waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes before they left.

Bruce's guests and I hung around and chatted until B&C clued in that maybe I just drove the guests to their final destination. They're a nice couple. We just small talked.

So today, Bruce, Chris and I toured around Seattle. I guess we went shopping; we couldn't bring ourselfs to say that. We went looking for work clothes and hardware. A few times while we were driving, Bruce fell asleep so Chris and I chatted. He's a nice guy. He definatly likes Bruce. I'm not sure why he gave Bruce the let's just be friends speach. It may be because of the uncertainty in his life. His ex is still living with him, he doesn't have a stable job, he's going deaf.

The deaf part is kind of interesting. His treble is gone and so is most of the midrange, but he can still hear bass. As a result most of the people he hangs around have deep voices. He wears very large hearing aids.

He's about 40yo, but acts like he's 25. He loves snow and skate boarding. Also he sometimes talks like a surfer dude.

He said he moved to Seattle because we wanted a well grounded, more stable life. He's spent his life doing artist/acting kind of things-- always on the verge of something great, but always ending up with the short end of the stick. Now he just wants a life without having to worry where the next dollar will come from.

Friday at work we had a pie toss to raise funds for the United Way. They auctioned off people. Highest bidder got to throw a pie in the face of the auctionie.

Friday night, Bruce, L, L's friend Frank and I had dinner. I'm not quite sure about Frank. He looks and talks like a quiet, conservtative guy, but Bruce said Frank invited him over to try out his dungon. In addition, Frank has been hunting for a house boy. He flew in a guy from New York, but things didn't work out, so he flew him back.

After dinner, L & I went to the Cuff. Bruce took off and didn't say where he was going. For some reason there were a lot of bearish guys at the Cuff. I talked to a few guys, but as luck would have it, everyone I was interested in had partner.

I was leaving at about 11:30pm when Bruce showed up. He said that he just had sex with Darren. We talked a bit and Bruce said Darren wanted a capital B boyfriend. I'm not sure what that means. That Darren only thought of Bruce as a fuck budy? That Darren is romanitically intersted in Bruce. I didn't ask Bruce to clarfiy.

I went home alone.

This morning Bruce, L and I had breakfast at Van's.

I'm still thinking about Harry a lot. I'm trying to push him out of my brain for two reasons. 1. I don't want to act obsessive when I actually see him. 2. I don't want to be hurt if we don't get together.

Bruce and I went to J&M's Cafe last night. The band playing was "Hurding Cats" They're a good cover band.

We chatted for a while. Bruce asked me about my plans to win Harry over. I told him I had no choice but to give him space. It's frustrating but true. Bruce is having problems with Darren. Darren doesn't want to be chased, yet when Bruce and Darren get together they talk for hours and have fun together.

This is kind of funny. Bruce said he had great news to tell me. When I asked what, he said Chris just game him the "Let's just be friends" speech. Now he can concentrate on Darren.

Anyways, to celebrate his being slightly more single, tonight we are going downtown to J&M's.

Just what I needed-- another week night of drinking. This time no shots.

I'm only a little bit hung over. Nothing asprin and coffee won't take care of.

I went out drinking with Bruce. We stopped off at our local bar, the Workshop. I had 3 shots of vodka, half a piture, plus a pint of beer. I shouldn't be typing, I'm drunk.

We talked about boyfriend trouble. Bruce is kind of seeing two guys, Chris and Darren. Bruce is mostly interested in Darren, but Darren is distant and only wants sex. Chris is a fun and nice guy, but he doesn't tickle Bruces's fancy like Darren.

Bruce and I talked about Harry and how I have no choice but to stay away.

They we got onto the subject of ridding your self of the past. My first ex, Rob, came up. I was 24 when I met Rob. He was 39. We ended up living together for two years. Then one day when I came home from work there was a message on the machine. "Hello Barry, don't expect me home tonight. I've met someone new and I'm going to spend some time with him." Rob never came back to pick up his stuff. He left all his clothing, his furniture and his papers behind. I still have some of his clothing-- no point in throwing out good shirts. But Bruce wants me to get rid of them. He wants to have a big bonfire where we both take crap from the past and burn it up. It's weird for me to think about that. Rob left me five years ago. I don't think about him anymore. He's just someone I once new. Putting effort into getting rid of his stuff is strange. I'd have to think about him which is something I never do anymore.

I don't like the new work cafeteria. The cafeteria just opened and they haven't worked out the bugs. Most of the staff isn't properly trained. They rarely get orders right. For some reason they think everyone one ordered a cheeseburger. So if you order a hamburger you have to wait twice-- once for your cheeseburger and once for the regular burger..

They are not too skilled with the grill either. Today my burger was well chared.

Let me tell the tale of Harry and myself. I've known him for years. There has only been one constant in our relationship-- bad karma.

I don’t remember when I met Harry, maybe 97, it was before Brian and I were partnered. The first night I met Harry he told me he was thinking about selling his house and moving in with his mother. My first impression was “Momma’s boy. Not interested.”

I didn’t keep in touch, but Harry was infatuated with me. He took out a couple of “I saw you ads” and started visiting my regular haunts. I heard through the grape vine that he was a good man and that he was looking for me. Eventually he gave up the search and started a brief but very crappy fling with Rob, a man who turned out to be a friend of my ex, Brian. I didn't know Harry and Rob were seeing each other when I finally decided to call and ask if Harry out for dinner. Harry had to say no. Harry and Rob broke up shortly afterwards, but not before Rob threw out Harry’s address book and my number within it.

Well, I met my Brian and we started dating. We started spending a lot of time together. We started arguing. We started patching things up. We had a lot of fun together. We kept arguing. We kept patching things up. Then after two and half years of this, we called it quits. That was May of 2000. The most frustrating moments of my life were all with Brian; but I don't regret it.

At this point, as someone pointed out “Most guys are gonna go through a ‘I don't wanna date anyone’ phase. Then it's the ‘I'll show him by being a big slut phase.’” That’s exactly what happened to me. Only I didn’t handle things right. I ran into Harry and he used every trick in the book to snag me. We started dating. He was a great man, only I didn’t care. My heart wasn’t in the relationship. I wanted to be single, I wanted to slut around. On top of that, my ex-Brian, because he knew Harry’s ex-Rob, was feeding me bad gossip about Harry. After two months with Harry, I ended it. It hurt him and he cried afterwards.

I became a slut but I kept in touch with Harry. After a while I developed feelings for him. Harry, being a bit gun shy, wasn’t big on dating me again. I was still a slut but my slutty feelings changed. It was something I could do for fun and to get off; but it didn’t make me happy.

Then last March Harry met Chris and they moved in with each other right off the bat. It broke my heart. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, after all I’m not innocent, but it still hurt.

And now Harry is single again. So am I. The waiting game begins.

I got my HIV test back-- negative.

I also talked to Harry. Right now he's kind of scared and confused. He feels bad about the breakup. He didn't want to hurt his BF. On the other hand he wasn't happy in the relationship. What else could he do?

Right now he wants to take it slow and find himself again. He doesn't want to jump into another relationship. I asked him if he wanted to do something this weekend he said yes, but didn't know how much time he'd have free.

I told him a couple of funny stories and got him to laugh.

So now I have to take things slow. This kind of runs counter to my instincts. When I have goals I try to get right in there and push to get what I want. That is the wrong way to handle Harry.

It's frustrating. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I hope Harry and I get together.

I just got a voice mail from Harry. He and the BF have split up. He's still living at the BF's. I don't know what to do. My instincts are obsesive and probably not attractive. I want to be with him so bady. I have no idea how Harry feals though. He probably needs some time to himself.

Played hockey tonight. Another 11pm game. A few of the guys didn't show up so we had to play short. We lost 5-3. At the end D was dead with exhaustion.

I drove with Ryan to the game. He told me a cool story. The company he works for hired a few stunt drivers to to drive Ryan and his team around and show them car tricks. It's a real buisness expense; Ryan's team is working on a car racing video game.

Well, Ryan expected the stunt drivers to show up at the track with special stunt cars; they didn't. They went to Hertz and rented regular rental cars. ("Don't worry! We paid the extra $8.00 for insurance.") One of the stunt drivers started off by saying "The cars have many safety features that make it difficult to do stunts. We turned them off by pulling most of the fuses. We also tighten the parking brakes." The drivers then proceed to run the cars through their paces. By the end of the day parts were flying off. One driver bitched that his power steering belt popped off. Another mentioned that he broke a parking brake control cable. The tires were bald, and the parking brakes were smoking.

Apparently this is par for the course in the auto racing video games industry. Ryan mentioned that on another game, the sound man was collecting various car sounds. For one sound he rented a car, set the parking brake and drove it up a hill, gas to the floor. It ended up melting the rear hub caps.

I will never buy a used rental car.

Sunday morning I had breakfast with Bruce. Something happened between Bruce and L, so Bruce asked me to not invite L. I called L anyways, he wasn't home, so no problem. I think Bruce is over analyzing the situation. Later on L left a message on my machine saying sorry he couldn't make it for breakfast, he was at Church. He also asked if Bruce was ok.

At breakfast, Bruce and I decided to head up to the Scenic Hot Springs. It's about an hour drive, and an hour hike. List time I was there was Tuesday Nov 14, 2000 (Wow. My journal is being usefull to me)

The Scenic Hot Springs are a clothing optional hotsprings up by Steven's Pass. It's fun to go soak in them every now and then. Bruce and I spent about 3 hours just relaxing and chatting with others.

Small world story-- Bruce, naked, was getting out of one hot tub while another lady was getting in. Suddenly the women shouted "Bruce! Is that you!" Bruce said yes. He recognized the women as someone he worked with years ago. Then the woman said "You look different now." Bruce, who was standing there, naked, dripping wet, agreed. Everyone in the hot tub burst out laughing.

I think we left at about 5:30. Hiked down the hill and started the drive home. We were both fairly hungry. While driving, we were talking about what to eat and decided that steak and beer would be good. Well, shortly after we decided that, we drove past "Prospectors Steak and Ale House." It was like a message from above. We turned around and went in. It was a good restaurant. We both had the Rib Eye special.

Today, the U.S. (And Britain) launched attacks on terrorist camps in Afganistan. All the words you hear are chosen so carefully. These aren't Islamic Terrorists. These are just terrorists. This isn't an attack on Afganistan, this is an attack against terrorist bases in Afganistan. I understand why they have to choose their words carefully. It's just interesting to observe it.

Well, I'm back. Master Mark toned down his act, he still feels kind of guilty about the whole Sean thing.

If I was falling for the man, it would have been a great day. Inbetween having sex, we went to the huskies game. Mark has season tickets to the UW huskies (college football) UW won over USC, 27-24. The game was tied but then in the last 3 seconds then UW scored a field goal. We had more sex after the game, had dinner and went out for drinks. He had me take my shirt off and pose a bit. I got more than a few good looks. I'm not really comfortable with being shirtless. I lead a very conservative life so walking around shirtless at a leather bar is new.

Afterwards we went back to his place and then slept.

College football kind of amazes me. I'm from Canada-- not a big football country. Canadian pro-football games attact a few thousand fans. Canadian college football games attract a few hundred fans. But, U.S. college football attracts 60+ thousand fans. I don't think they have stadiums that big in Canada. The SkyDome in Toronto only fits about 55000 people.

While I was having sex with Mark, to get off, I fantasized about normal vanilla sex.

Mixed day.

I was supposed to go to the Mariners game with Bruce and L, but John the fireman called me, and started presuring me to make longer terms plans with thim. Rather than jerk him around, I decided that I had to tell him how I felt. So we had dinner together. While we were driving back he grabbed my hand. I sighed. He looked at me and asked "what? I fumbled for words for a few seconds and then said "This is the let's just be friends speach." We didn't talk about it much more than that. He thanked me for my honesty. We changed the converstation and started talking about obscure bands.

Master Mark emailed me today. He apologized for letting Master Sean abuse me so roughly and told me he wanted to hook up again. I agreed. I just got the following...

"You will deliver yourself to my house at 10am tomorrow morning. You will go up into the back yard and enter through the back door. Go downstairs, strip to the waist, and kneel down facing the weight bench. Put your hands on your head. You will be wearing a jock, tight jeans (same ones as before), and a tight tee shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Bring with you a jacket and sweatshirt and anything you need for overnight. Make sure your ass is clean, boy. You will only touch your penis to urinate or shower. No ejaculations. Bring with you a six pack of whatever kind of beer you like. SIR."

Quiet day. I rearranged my office. While I was doing so, I had a good talk with my manager about how to arrange your office to make it easier to goof off. If you point the back of your monitor to the door, when people walk by they can't see your screen. This makes it easier to surf the web unobserved.

My office is low goof off. You can see the screen when you walk by the door.

I had lunch with Ryan and Jen. We went to Dixies BBQ. I love Dixies. It's a crappy hole in the wall that serves the best BBQ west of the Cascades. They serve a hot sauce called "The Man" A few drops of The Man is enough to make a beef briskit sandwich unbearably hot.

While we were having lunch Ryan told us that he might be offered a great job in Florida. Jen didn't say much, but kind of looked at me and smiled.

I got another mention on tommy's site. He's really inflating my ego. Thank you very much Tommy. You are a good man. Air travel is cheap right now. Maybe I should visit.

I got an email from another reader... "I think it's fun to read stuff from you kids who are still having fun and going thru the trials of dating. Cracks me up! I'm 32, settled down with my partner, step-son, a home, and a dog."

I'm 31. ;-)

I'd guess that he hasn't been in his relationship for more than 2 years-- maybe even less than 1. He's too comfortable, the glow hasn't warn off. As Tina said in Flirting with Disaster "Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?"

I got a rather cryptic message from Harry. Harry hasn't called me in about two weeks. He emails a few times a week. A few days ago Harry forwarded me a joke. I wrote back...
> Hey.
> Thanks for the joke.
> Things going good with you?

Tonight Harry wrote back...
> I don't know. I am just taking it day by day..
> Talk soon Harry

I can't tell if he's depressed, or trying to avoid me.

There we go. I've given my blog a new look. It's been one year since I've moved my journal to the web. The first post was actually October 12th, 2000. Reading the entries from October 2000 shows me how little I've learnt and grown in the past year. Sigh.

I'm getting more regular readers too. Which is kind of weird, kind of fun. It forces me to write more clearly. Just a reminder-- to protect the privacy of everyone in my blog, I've changed all the names. Also, it lets me be more honest. I'm not going to hide something if I don't think it's going to make it's way back to me.

Not much important happened today. At work, through a freak co-incidence, I managed to look like a genius. Earlier on, I was researching an obscure feature in our software. Now, one of our customers was having problems with our product. No one could understand why their software was acting weird. But, I took look one look at the problem and knew exactly what was wrong; the obscure feature was turned on. Any other day and I would have been as lost as everyone else. Hell, one month from now I'll forget how the obscure feature works. But today, I looked like a genius.

I ran into Chris at the cafeteria. Later on I told Bruce I saw Chris, so he headed over to say hi. For Bruce, my office is on the way to Chris's so I see Bruce ever time he hunts Chris down. I can't tell what Bruce feels for Chris. He says hi to him enough. But, he tells me he's not really in love. In addition, Bruce has a date with another guy tonight. Oh well.

I got tested for HIV tonight. I get the results in about a week. I'm not worried about it. I play safe.

Other than that, I just took the evening off. Not working out tonight-- I'm going to let the needle prick in my arm heal for a day.

Tueday, went to work. Took a course. Bruce dropped by my office while I was away. Chris was filming something in the building next to me, so he wanted to drag me over and watch.

Bruce and I talked in the afternoon. We agreed to get together for dinner at my place. So, when I got home, I made some stew, and we chatted about the BF situation. We are both seeing guys who are good men but the chemistry isn't there. It's a hard situation. You know that if you stuck things out, you'd be proud to build a life with him. But, one day, that special man would catch your eye, and you'd leave the BF behind.

I've also been obsessing over Harry, although I didn't tell Bruce that. I feel I have no right to whine about Harry since he's in a relationship. But, man-o-man, have I got a crush on him. I called him on Monday and left a message. He emailed back and said he might call me on Tuesday. But, he didn't. It's driving me squirlly. I want to be with him so badly. I want to talk to him every day. This time I'm not going to let bad timing keep us apart. That is assuming he's as close to ending it with the BF as he says he is. Part of me thinks that he just says bad things about the BF just to string me along. I don't think he's that kind of player though. He might just think it's not appropriate to talk to me very often while he's still with his BF.

I don't know. I wish things were simple.

I played hockey tonight. It was our first game of the winter season. We lost 5-2. Our big problem is lack of cardio. We also picked up a few new players. They are good, but we still must get comfortable with each others style. For example, one of the new D's is used to playing one minute shifts. On our team we play two minute shifts. As a resultt, he didn't pace him self right and tired out fairly quickly.

I would like to switch to one minute shifts though. I'll work on the rest of the D squad and get them to agree.

Went to work today. In the morning I unpacked my stuff in my new office. Had lunch with Bruce and his friend Chris. We made plans for the evening to go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It was a good movie. I think Chris loved it.

Chris really has a crush on Bruce. Chirs was always gushing over Bruce and trying to touch Bruce. I made a couple of jokes about being their chaperon. I don't think Bruce has strong feelings for Chris though. He probably likes Chris-- Chris is an attractive, interesting man. But, I don't think the chemistry is there. Oh well.

Sunday was a relaxing day. Didn't do much during the day. Ate lunch. Did laundry. I had my first hockey practice for the 2001/2002 season. It was an ok pratice. I've got a blister on my foot now. I guess I lost my hockey caluses over the past month.

After practice, I went out and had beer with Bruce. Brian was there, but we didn't do much more than say hi to each other.

Bruce and I chatted about work, Celluloid Loop (A local TV show he produces) and boy friends. We were trying to figure out where John and I are going. John is a nice guy, but at the end of the day I wouldn't feel bad if he stopped returing my calls. On top of it all, Harry is looming on the horizon. I don't think I can honestly commit to anyone until I know if Harry and I are getting together. Of course Harry may take another month or two to break up with his BF. Even then he might not want to date me.

I've had a fun couple of days. I had Friday off because my division is moving to another building. Friday morning, John, the Fireman called me up to chat and to see if I wanted to do something. On the spur of the moment, we decided to go to Orcas Island Orcas island is about 2 hours away from Seattle-- one-hour drive, one-hour ferry ride.

We figured since we were leaving during the day on Friday, after tourist season, things would be quiet. That was wrong. Even though we arrived for the ferry 30 minutes early, it was full. We had to wait another two and half hours before we could get on. While we were waiting, we started calling dozens of different hotels on Orcas to try and find a place. Most of them were booked. We finally lucked out and found a one bedroom cottage on the ocean. I wish we had planned a bit in advance. It would have been fun to stay longer than one day. The view was incredible

Friday night we had dinner at the Orcas Wine Co. I highly recommend it. The food was excellent.

Friday night was the first time I slept with or had sex with John. We talked a bit about it. He mentioned that at first he wasn't sure I was attracted to him. I told him that I wanted to get to know him better, but it definitely wasn't love at first site.

In bed John kind of surprised me. He's another one of those men that just that wants to rough me up and rape me. He apologized for it later. He said he was very controlling and rough in bed. If he ever got too intense for me then I should tell him. He would slow down.

I'm trying to figure out why I attract these mega-aggressive men. It's all right being roughed up in bed, but I think I prefer something more normal. What's kind of funny is that my friend Bruce wants, needs, to be roughed up in bed. But he can't find it. He's seeing a counselor because it's hard for him to get off unless he's being beaten up.

On the flip side, I've met 3 guys in the past 3 months who just want me to lie there and take their abuse. On one hand, it is kind of hot just submitting completely to a man. But, it's even hotter to have a man please you while you please him.

I haven't told Bruce about these men.

I find it hard to relate to a man when you know he's going slap you around a bit in bed. John doesn't seem to have the problem. The rest of the day, he was very kind and sweet to me. He got out of bed early and brought me breakfast.

When we checked out of the cottage, the owner said he didn't take Visa. We didn't have a cheque on us, nor enough cash. So the owner said. "Don't worry, just mail me a cheque next week." That attitude summarizes Orcas Island. Very laid back. Very calm. Very trusting.

I liked it so much that I'm going to give it a plug. If you ever want to spend some time on a quiet island, go to Orcas Island, and stay at the Bayside Cottages.

Saturday John and I hiked up Mt. Constitution. More beautiful views at the top. We think it was about a 6-mile hike. 3 up, 3 down.

We had lunch at an Italian restaurant. I forget the name. Good pizza though.

After dinner, we took the ferry back to the mainland and drove to meet some of John's friends; Debbie, Jason and Carl. They also live right on the ocean. They were expecting us, so they put a crab pot out in the ocean. At dusk Jason and Carl went out to retrieve the crab pot. It took them a long time; it was hard to find the crab pot in the dark, plus the ocean was choppy. After about an hour they returned with 5 crabs.

Later on Jason admitted that he couldn't find his crab pot, so he raided a neighbours.

We had a bonfire on the beach, and cooked the crab right there. It was fun and I learnt how to clean crabs.

We chatted till about midnight and then headed for home. John dropped me off. I'll give him a call today and thank him.

Tonight, Bruce and I went out to Pioneer Square. We stopped at the Central, and at J.M's. Pioneer Square is the big entertainment district in Seattle. A number of big bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam Played there before they were famous.

The bands we listened to were very good; although both of them were cover bands. They certainly had the crowd dancing.

About half way through the night, we ran into Keith. Bruce told me that once he was dating a guy, Eric, and that Keith ruined things between Eric and he. Eric fell in love with Keith and didn't want to keep dating Bruce. But, Keith is fairly young and immature. So Keith ended up jerking Eric around.

So, Bruce and I chatted the night away. He told me about his latest problems. I told him about mine. At one point he turned and accidentally elbowed a women in her breast. Bruce apoligized and they both laughed about it. The women hugged Bruce and then left.

Today they released pictures of the hijackers. It strikes me how normal and ordinary they looked. No face of evil here. Just average Joe's doing what they felt was right. How can anyone live in the USA for years without developing enough doubt to decide they shouldn't fly kamikaze into a building. Maybe some of them did. Maybe there are another 19 hijacker wanna-be's walking around who backed out at the last minute.

I wonder how Hollywood will evil-ify them for the inevitable movie.

At work we've started calling the attacks on NYC and Washington, "AOA"; "Attack on America". Problems related to the AOA are AOA issues. We had a number of customers in the WTC who are now experiencing AOA issues. Let me remove the business speak. Hundreds of people in the WTC were running my software. They are now dead. Their computers are now rubble. Their companies and co-workers are desperately trying to recover from the loss of their skilled employees and the information on their computers. We're hand holding them as much as we can however at the end of the day they loose. They know they've lost. They know there is nothing they can do but pray it doesn't happen again. They can't even take time to grieve. Now, more than ever, people need to know that their insurance policy still means something, that they can still withdraw money from their bank account. To do that we had to restore their services, to replace their dead, as fast as possible.

Part of my work training is to constantly ask "How can we prevent this problem from happening again?" I don't ask that now.

My whole brain seams to have changed lately. I'm not thinking about sex as much as I used to. I wonder if my bout of giardia is related? Did I just have a sex habit and being sick for a week broke me of it? Am I still a little bit sick?

Health issues aside, it's convienent. I no longer spend hours on line looking to meet someone. I don't really care about going out to the bars. I am more productive at work. I now have extra time to read. If it wasn't for that nagging doubt about my health, I'd be happier this way.

Nothing much today. Went to work. Came home. Worked out. Made dinner, cleaned the house, read a bit. Updated my blog.

I've been listening to random channels on MP3.com. Its kind of fun. Sometimes you stumble onto a great obscure band. Sometimes you run into complete crap. Most of it is mediorcre. The best part of it is that I haven't heard most of the songs before. I'll take one listen of a mediorce song over dozens of one that's above average.

Last night I had dinner at Brian's. Work isn't going well for him. Yesterday he indirectly caused a huge explosion that created about $100,000 of damage. Central Control gave him bad instructions on cross connecting two power circuites (Brian is a lineman for a power company) When he followed the instructions, things short circuited.

He's depressed about it. It wasn't his fault. But he's annoyed that the company he works for now doesn't have the equipment and procedures to prevent that kind of mistake.

It was a beautiful day today so I went kayaking on Lake Washington. I left from Coulon Point, paddled over to Mercer Island, ate lunch there and then paddled back.

When I got back, I was tired so I took a nap.

In the evening, Colin came over for dinner. I think he's got a crush on me. He asked me if I'm ever nervous around him. I said no. He told me that sometimes he's nervous around me.

On a slightly related note, since last weekend, since I've recovered from being sick, my sex drive is much lower. I used to have hard-ons all the time. But this past week, I haven't jerked off at all and I never have morning wood. Maybe I'm still not fully healthy. I feel ok, although I am a bit more tired than normal. I don't drink coffee like I did before I was sick. Maybe my system isn't used to being awake without a pick me up.

I'll give it another couple of weeks, and then go see my doctor. On the flip side, it's kind of nice not being lead around by my dick. I'm much more productive at work. I'm finishing off house errands. If I knew it wasn't anything to worry about then I'd be happy with my new libido.

Yesterday, I had a great day with Bruce.

Bruce, L and I started off having breakfast at Van's. After breakfast L had to leave. His car (a 20 year old Z) is having blinker switch problems. He had to go and beg the only mechanic for 50 miles with the parts for the Z, to fix it on a Saturday

Bruce and I decided to go to Mt. Reineer.

First we stoped off at work. When we got there, there was a fire alarm. One of the computers caught on fire. The whole building smelt of burnt plastic and gave you a headache if you stayed inside too long.

We finally got to Mt. Reineer at about 2pm. We hiked around water falls, and across rivers. We drove all the way to Paradise and had lunch there. Then drove on and hiked around the Box Canyon. The Box Canyon is kind of neat. It's not a canyon like the Grand Canyon. It's only about 10 feet wide, but over a hunded feet deep.

After we left the mountain we had dinner at the Naches Tavern-- this little tavern in the middle of no where but the entrace to the park. We drove back to Redmond. Had coffee at Victors and some beer at the Celtic Bayou.

One of the guys at worked died. He looked healthy as a horse. He bicycled to and from work every day. Then, when he got home, he collapsed. His wife was there, but she couldn't revive him.

I didn't know him that well. A a number of the people I work with had worked closely with him and knew his family.

I talked to Colin today. We were supposed to get together for dinner, but a work problem flaired up and he has to stay. So, now I'm hanging around the house. I worked out. I'm a bit tired. It will be an early night tonight.

I talked to Harry today. He's pissed at his BF. He and his BF rarely go out and do things together, yet today his BF is at the Mariners game. In addition, Harry works at Boeing-- yesterday Boeing announced that due to terrorism demand for jets has plumeted. Over the next year, Boeing will lay off tens of thousands of people. It was big news, but the BF never mentioned a thing to Harry.

He also mentioned he might drop a bomb shell on his BF sometime in the next couple of weeks. He didn't mention what the bomb shell would be, but it's not hard to guess.

After work I went hiking with John the fireman. John is in the airforce reserves so he expects to be called up any day. We hiked around Tiger Mountain, Tradition Lake and the swamp trail. Afterwards we had dinner at the Issaquah Brewery.

At work I'm sort of transitioning to another group. The official purpose is to help the other group with their backlog. The real purposes are... one, ensure they are using proper engineering techniques and to teach them if not, and two, if they have any cool tricks or skills, learn about them and bring them back to my group. It's only for 3 days a week but that might change. The other group has technology that will be around longer than mine, so I'm doing it to make sure my career stays on track.

I went to the doctor yesterday. For the past week I've been tired and have had to use the washroom very often. It turns out I've got giardia. A week ago, when I went hiking with Colin, I drank some water from a river. I guess at that time I picked up some giardia protozoa. Let that be a lesson on drinking untreated water.

It's not serious. I'm on an antibiotic and I'm feeling much better already.

I talked to Harry yesterday. When I told him about my giardia, he laughed and told me his story. A while before he called, he meant to fart, but some diarrhea squirted out. At first he hoped it was just a warm wet fart but after some investigation, that hope was dashed.

He went to the washroom, cleaned up, flushed his undies down the toilet and pulled out his shirt to try and hide the wet spot.

He said he's nervous lately. He doesn't know what to do with the BF. Harry loves the BF but is not happy. He's been drinking a bit more to try and calm things. It sounds like he and the BF have been arguing about small things. They went to the Puyallup Fair. Harry wanted to go on some of the rides, but the BF and his friends didn't. He called the BF "a stick in the mud," I can't tell if he did so in jest or out of frustration.

I have to stop dwelling over Harry. It's weird. If I fantasize about him, it's not a raw-fucking-sex fantasy. I think of simpling things like touching him, or kissing him-- just being with him.

I didn't do much all weekend. I watched Hannibal and Cast Way. Both are not bad.

The weather is starting to turn. Sunday and today are cloudy and rainy. The forcast says partially cloudy for for the next few days. After that it's a lot of rain. We had a good summer this year. I'll miss it.

Friday night I went to the Eagle. It was a very somber. I ran into the 50yo cigar smoker again. We talked a while. I asked him if he wanted to have dinner sometime. He said no, he wanted to date a smaller guy. He made a bold counter offer-- I could blow him as long as I swallowed and left immediatly after. If I was good, he I could do it again someother time. One more beer in me and I might have accepted. But, I don't want to have quick tricks. I want to get to know the man. But still, It's pretty hot to selflessly please a man like that. Maybe one day I can have both.

Took the afternoon off. Trying to sleep off what I've got. It's not really a flu. I have stomach cramps and low energy. I don't feel that sick, I'm just tired.

I talked to Harry. Sounds like he is one step closer to ending it with his BF. He mentioned that he doesn't want to have sex with the BF. The BF has been wanting to have sex for a while, but Harry kept putting him off. Last night Harry gave in.

Harry mentioned that the BF reads most of his email. Last week I sent Harry some email telling him the slug slime story. Harry said when he saw he received email from me, he got a bit nervous-- the BF was reading his email over his shoulder. Harry was worried I would mention something abd set the BF off. Fortunatly the email was innocent.

Other than that, Harry's sister is traped in Hawaii. It looks like jet flights are resuming today and tomrrow so she should be able to return soon. I guess there are worse places to be trapped.

I haven't been doing much this week. Like almost everyone else I've been paying attention to the news, hoping to hear something new about NYC; something important. Instead the same facts are repeated over and over, and a rotating line of polititions offer their commentary.

I've been kind of sick this week. A stomache flu. I still go to work, but I've been sleeping 9 or 10 hours a night.

Amazing day. I'm not posting this thinking you haven't heard. I'm posting this so I'll remember when I look back.

Today the World Trade Towers in NY, and the Pentagon in DC were attacked. Serveral 767's were hijacked and rammed into their targets. I saw video footage of the 2nd 767 hitting the World Trace Center. Both towers have since collapsed.

The news is everywhere. Currently very little is known. Mostly it's speculation and rehash from talking heads.

Colin and I went on a killer hike yesterday. First we hiked down to Snoqualmie falls.kind of easy and fun. Then we hiked all the way up Tiger Mountain. Colin is very fit and kept going at a good clip. By the time we reached the top we were both covered with sweat. The view was good though-- clear and sunny. About a dozen paragliders were out.

We've reached a weird time of the year in Seattle. Sometime in the next few weeks the clouds and rain will return and we won't see the sun for months. So every sunny day everyone goes out-- it just might be the last sunny day.

Had breakfast with Bruce and M at Van's. We really have to watch our conversation. Sometimes when we started talking about gay things, you could tell that the tables around us were trying to listen in. It's not that we were talking about gay porn or anything like that. Just gossip-- so and so broke up, so and so had a steroid rage and attacked his partner with a knife. But still, gay people seam to lead much higher drama lives than straight people.

Another double date day. Andy says I shouldn't do that. Bad karma.

I had lunch with Sean. He replied to my personal ad. He's a good man. He has two kids. Seams to be a fun guy to hang around. But I don't know. We had lunch at the Issaquah Brew pub. Afterwards we took a walk arournd the salmon hatchery. They have a display there, "Discover Your Salmon Fate" My salmon fate was to make it out to the ocean, but upon returning to fresh water, I'd be scooped up by a bear. Sean's salmon fate was to be trapped in Lake Washington because he couldn't figure out how the Ballard Locks worked.

Went out for dinner and a movie with John, the fireman. I don't think it's going to go any where with him. Part of me wants it to. He's great husband material. His last partner lasted for 9 years, till partner died in an auto accident. But, I don't really have feelings for him. He's a nice man; no a good man. He's good looking, and interesting. He has a good job. But I just don't care. He's not really my type which makes the situation awkward. For someone else John would be a 10.

John and I had dinner at the Six Arms. Then we saw American Pie 2.

I'm trying to figure out what I want. What I really want is to find a good husband and to build a life with him. What I want more than that is Harry, however Harry is dating someone, so he's out of the picture.

I think I'm going about husband hunting too aggressvily. I've got to slow down. No more than one date a week. And no over lapping dates.

I've met some nice guys recently-- even attractive guys. But I haven't really met one that I want to get to know better. I haven't had that feeling in a long time, to really want to get to know a man and to spend time with him. I had it with Harry when I met him so I know I can still feel it. Am I too jaded? Have I just not met the right guy?

Maybe I should just go back to Master Mark. At least that was simple. I knew what to expect and what to do.

I got another mention on Tommy's site I can't tell if it was a compliment or not. I probably need to keep my libido in check a bit better. I don't enjoy one night stands. They get me off, but they don't make me happy. If I do have sex with someone I want to spend the night with him, and have breakfast the next morning.

Thursday I had dinner and sort of a date. It went ok, but we probably won't go out again.

Friday I went out to the Eagle. I met this guy there. He was pretty hot. He was about 50, good body, smoking a cigar. I don't know what it is about a cigar, but when I see a masculine guy smoking one, it get's me kid of horny.

He was looking for someone smaller and smooth though. That seems to be the story of my life. When I meet a guy that really turns my crank, he's either interested in hairless twinks, or is involved with someone else.

It's frustrating.

Oh well. Off to bed.

Tonight I had date #3 with Colin. We had dinner at my place and sex afterwards. He is really just comming out of the closet. He said he's never slept with a guy before.

We've played together in the same hockey league. He told me that he's had a crush on me for years, it just took him this long to ask me out.

He's a very nice guy. Very masculine. We'll see.

Not much happened last night. Went over to Brians for dinner. While I was there, a friend of his called and they got into a big fight on the phone. I think the friend didn't call Brian on his birthday, so Brian was pissed. After the friend apoligized, Brian's mood wrapedly changed.

I think that Brian has a build up of anger-hormone, so every couple of weeks he has to blow up at someone or something.

Well, Bruce and I went to the Ellensburg Rodeo. We had a great time. There were a good number of hot guys there, so I had to remember to ogle discreetly.

The Ellensburg Rodeo has the 17th largest prize pot, so while the competition isn't as strong as in Houston or Calgary, it is still a very good rodeo. I enjoy the steer wrestling and the calf roping the most. I'm not really into the bronco or bull riding-- I can't spot a good ride. When I thought the rider should get 85, the judges gave him 75. When I thought he should get 75, the judges gave him 85. Wresting and roping is easy though. I can easily scope the parts of each heat (chase, rope, wrestle, tie) and judge how well each cowboy was doing.

They also had wild cow milking. It's not treated as seriously as bronco or bulling riding, even though it's probably more dangerous.

Bruce and I drove back. Went to the Workshop. Had dinner and a pitcher of beer. Then we parted ways.

All in all, a good day.

Took it easy today. Washed my hockey equipment (1st time in 4 years) worked out twice.

In the evening, I went to the Cuff. I ran into a friend of Harry. He mentioned that Harry has put on a lot of weight. I wonder if I'll feel any different for him when I see him next. I'm hoping he would want to lose weight if we got together. I'm much more active, and diet consious than his BF. But who knows.

Over the phone, I got into an argument with Brian. He wanted to sleep together tonight, I didn't. He's not used to anyone saying no to him. When someone does, he doesn't stop till he gets his way. Well, I said no and I wouldn't change my mind. I hung up on him after he started insulting the rodeo I'm going to tomorrow.

I'm half expecting him to drive to my place. I hope he's got more brains than that.

I've had a fun couple of days. Saturday was Brian's birthday so I took him out for dinner at Beck’s. Latter we went for drinks at the workshop. Brian was in a real party mood, so we had 3 boilermakers (Pint of beer with a shot of whisky) in about 1 hour. The bartender cut us off. Luckily I didn't have a hangover Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon I went to a great BBQ at R&J's place. One of the guys there, JB, brought his two daughters. Now JB is an entomologist for the U.W. He raised his daughters to be unafraid of bugs and slugs. One of the girls started playing with a large brown slug. While it was sliding over her hand she would show it to anyone to try and gross him or her out. After a while she got bored of the slug and stopped playing with it. Of course her hand was still covered in slug slime. When she tried to wash her hands, the slime wouldn't come off! She and J scrubbed for 20 minutes. They used comet and a pot scrubber. It still wouldn't come off. JB told us this was the natural defense of the common brown slug. The slime also has anesthetic properties. When they are attacked; the attacker is all gummed up and goes numb.

JB said that once when he was teaching, to demonstrate the anesthetic properties of slug slime, he licked a brown slug for his students. His tongue went numb and he started talking weird.

JB's two girls are 5&6. They latched on the Kam and kept trying to tickle him. Kam's ex, Margaret, told the girls about wet-willies and got the girls to try and give one to Kam. It was hilarious. Kam was a good sport about being harassed by the girls. I couldn't let an opportunity like that go by-- I pinned Kam down and let the girls give him a wet-willy.

Imagine being given a wet-willy by a girl whose fingers are covered in slug slim.

It was Kam's birthday. After the girls left we opened up Kam's presents. He got an inflatable love-cow, some really gross porn, a case bullets, and a teabag. Why? That's a very long story that Kam tells best.

B&M were there. M is pregnant and expecting any day now. They mentioned that every time M has an ultrasound the doctor or nurse makes a joke about how well endowed the baby is. They are not sure what to expect. They are ‘selling’ relationship status with the baby. For 5 diaper changes you can be called an uncle. For 50, you get to be the God Father. For 150 000, you get to name the baby.

We had a lot of good conversation-- most of it normal. But with R and Kam, normal isn’t good enough. So we had a long talk about bowel movements, why R is afraid of public restrooms and how Kam can pee in an Evian bottle while driving in a snowstorm. Another long story; one that they tell best.

We won the finals... 6-1 against Team 1072. I got a tripping penalty. Other than that it was a fairly quiet game. We all played our hearts out.

Now don't go thinking I'm some kind of hockey genius. This was an adult organized rec summer legue. But still, it feels good.

Someone has been trying to hack into my computer. I don't think they've succeeded though. My computer has a wake-on-lan feature-- you can turn it on remotly over the connection to the internet. Over the past week or two, i've noticed that sometimes the computer was on even though I thought I turned it off. So, last night I shut down the computer and put a note on the keyboard saying "I turned the computer off." Then, at about 1:30am I heard a beep. I got out of bed and walked to the office, sure enough the computer was powering up. I shut the computer down again and disconnected it from DSL.

I played hockey last night. It was the semi-finals We won 11 to 7. What a great and terrible game. As you can see, defense sucked, but offense rocked. Too bad I'm on defense. Two days ago I pulled a muscle in my neck. Now I can't turn my head to the right. It made for a weird game as D. I played along the right boards so that I would never have to turn my head.

Finals are tonight.

Big company meating today. So, for all intents and purposes, I get the day off.

Worked late today. Afterwards I raced home to work out and eat. Bruce and I got together later on for some beer and to chat. His dating life is frustrating right now. In the past month, he's had dates with a couple of guys that he finds attractive. But both of them are into bare backing. So he's understandably weary.

In the fallBruce is going part time to film school. He's also thinking about joining the public access chanel board of directorsl. Bruce always signs up for a lot. Not only does he work long hours but he volunteers for PSBRC (A disability benefits counseling org), teaches computer skills to Sudanese refugees, films a couple of TV show on cable access, plus in the winter he’s a snowboard instructor. It is kind of frustrating to be his friend because he often doesn’t have time. Even worse is when he no-shows. He has a problem with saying “No” But then, something will happen, schedules will align, and he'll have a week of free nights. When that happens he wants to do things with me almost every night. So I'll go from not hearing from him for weeks to talking to him almost every day.

I went out to the Cuff last night. I talked to a few people but didn't put an effort into meeting anyone. I have to slow down. When you have dinner and drinks with two or three guys a week, it's hard to get to know them; that's not fair to them or me. If I like a guy, I can't think about it because next night I'll have a date with someone else so I have to put the first guy out of my mind.

I met Brian at the Cuff. He's finally clueing in that we are not getting back together. Although, I did spend last night at his place.

I cycled around Redmond today-- along the Puget Sound power trail. While I was cycling up a large hill my chain popped off. I guess my derailer needs to be aligned. It was a pain in the ass. One second I'm peddling hard trying to make it up the hill, the next I grind to a halt, have to unwedge my chain and re-rail it. I lost my momentum and had to walk the rest of the way up the hill. Going down the hill was still good.

I had another date tonight. John, a fireman. He's a nice guy but a bit more Nelly than I'm attracted to. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant on Queen Anne. Then we walked through Seattle Center, past Pike Place Market and back to the restaurant. I'm not sure if I'll have a second date with him. I'll wait to see if he calls. It may be a couple weeks before I have to decide. Being a fireman, he works odd shifts that don’t match up well with a 9-to-5 life like mine.

Having a kind of quiet day. I bought a new pocketknife. It’s very sharp and has an assisted opening feature. I know this because the first time I sat down with the knife I hit the open-up button. The blade sprang out and stabbed me in the thumb. The cut was clean and painless. With a few minutes of pressure the bleeding stopped. I felt stupid; like I needed to go back to the boy scouts and take a knife safety course.

I walked around the Value village thrift store-- lots of crap, some good stuff. The next time I need a spatula, or a pair of tongs, I’ll go there instead of a kitchenware store. Outside of the store I ran into my manager and a friend of hers.

I hooked the computer up to the stereo using the “Akoo Kima” wireless stereo transmitter. At first it acted weird and flaky. The volume the Kima transmitted at depended on the speaker volume. I couldn’t figure out why so I just chaulked it up to bad design. Then I unplugged the speakers from the Kima and noticed that the transmitted volume still depended on the speaker volume. Since that didn’t make sense, I knew I screwed up. I looked around and discovered that I wired the Kima into the computer and speakers in a strange way. Once I corrected the wiring the Kima acted perfectly. Now I can listen to CD quality Internet Radio over my stereo.

I cleaned the inside of the truck today—vacuumed and Armour-All’d. Then I washed the outside and spent some extra time on the windows—washed inside and out, no streaks. The truck looks damn near new. Not bad considering it’s almost 4 years old.

Wow. Reading over this post, I sound like a materialistic shopper. I’m not usually like this. I can go for months buying nothing but groceries. It’s just that recently I needed to buy a few things, so I’ve gone all out and bought a few extra things on my list of “Nice-to-Have.”

I got my George ‘W’ refund cheque today. $300.00. Woo hoo. I’m kind of annoyed that it’s not really free money, but an advance on next years tax refund.

I just heard a short of shocking, weird news story. I'm posting it here so one day when I look back, I'll remember it.

A 6-year-old boy was seriously burned when he climbed into a bucket of chemicals used to make meth-amphetamines. He may need reconstructive surgery. The 16-year-old mother has been charged with various things. She waited more than 14 hours before bringing the boy to the hospital.

Washington seems to be developing a meth-amphetamines problem. Outside of Seattle and the Puget Sound, there are many poor people and a miles of hills and forests. It’s easy to hide a meth lab in the mountains. Then within a couple hours drive you’ve got the big market of Seattle.

I got another mention on Tommy's website. Tommy and I have been emailing each other. He's kind of cute. Maybe I'll go visit him in the fall. I'd like my life to settle down first.

This morning, Bruce, M and I had breakfast at Van's Kitchen. Bruce has been taking film courses and is involved with the production of a couple of cable access shows. Now he wants to make porn. He's convinced he can make a good living at it. M and I just sort of shook our heads and made a token effort to talk him out of it.

M gave me a watch. It's a meaningless gift. Over breakfast I mentioned that my watch died and I needed a new one. M said. "Hey I found this watch. I've got it in my car. I've been hoping someone would steal it, but no one has. Want it?" So I said yes. It's an O.K. watch. A Fossil. A little bit dressier than I usually wear. But hey-- free watch.

I cycled to and from Van's Kitchen. I've been kind of hyper lately-- my legs have been twitchy. So, bicycling took the edge off. I also worked out this morning.

Tonight my date was with Walter. It went ok, although I'm not going to ask Walter out a second time. Walter is a tester for a Computer firm. He's also a land lord. Occasionally he buys a building, renovates and then resells it. It was kind of weird Walter lives down in Tacoma. That's where Harry lives. Every time he mentioned the area, I'd think of Harry. I guess I know who's caught my fancy

Afterwards I went to the Cuff and talked to a few people. Two drinking buddies that have been a couple for years, Joe&Chris, have split up. I didn't poke for details, but Joes said Chris attacked him with a knife.

As I was leaving I ran into Bruce. He sort of made a joke about not returning any of my calls. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow morning at 9am at Van's

Tonight I went though my address book and deleted addresses I no longer needed. It was kind of a weird trip down memory lane. My address book contains phone numbers for restaurants that are now closed, co-works who moved away, and busness contacts I haven't used in years. There were a few addresses I kept, not because I would ever call those people, but because I just wanted to remember them again at some point in the future.

Tonight I had a second date with Collin. I like him. He's an good man. We had dinner along Alki Point, took a walk a long the beach and necked a bit in the dark. I want to see him again, but he'll be visting family out of town for a week.

Just because I can't be happy with a good thing I have two more dates lined up. After Harry told me not to wait for him I went all out. Friday night I'm having dinner with a guy that responded to my personal ad. Sunday night I'm having dinner with a fireman that I've been chatting with on and off for months.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy things with Collin. He's either bi, or just coming out of the closet. He said that all of his significant relationships have been with women. He also mentioned that the types of women he prefers are very different than the types of guys he likes. With women he likes smaller ditzy blondes. With guys he likes bigger and rugged.

I hope I don't have to choose between Collin and Harry, but it won't be that simple.

Didn't do much last night. I worked out, read a bit, showered and then went to sleep.

Work’s still a bit full. A few strange things have popped up in my software. I can't tell if it's people doing things wrong, or if there is a real bug. It's making me re-evaluate how my software is deployed.

Harry called me up. He mentioned that there was an unfinished toilet in their house, its been that way since Harry moved in. The shipping stickers were still on it, the bolts fastening it to the floor weren't trimmed and the tank was loosely attached. Harry said he finished off the toilet for the BF but was annoyed that the BF never made any move to do so. It sounds like the BF doesn't really pay attention to his surroundings. He's a real computer nerd; he only focuses on computers. So things like unfinished floors or toilets don't bother him at all. Harry is getting tired of doing most of the work on the house. I told Harry that he had to find common ground with the BF and get him to do more of the house work.

He still sounds frustrated but it's the kind of thing they could work out if they want to.

I talked to Harry today. He said he gave his BF the "This relationship isn't really working for me" talk. The BF still wants very much to be with Harry, so he's working hard to change. Harry is waiting to see if the changes stick.

It just occured to me that Harry may not want to date me if he and his BF break up. He did say he would probably date me if he were single. But he also told me not to wait for him.

Fuck. Harry is the first man I've felt anything good for in years. Why can't this just be simple?

How do straight people do this? A gay friend of a friend, upon turning 30, said "If I was straight, I'd be married already." and I understand what he meant. The majority of my straight friends are in functioning long term relationships. I can't tell if they are madly in love with each other, but I can see that they care for, and respect each other. What is it about being gay that makes it so hard to meet a good man and even harder to have a long term relationship?

Not much happened on Monday. Had a few problems cropped up at work. They were prioritized and dealt with efficiently and effectively. Blah, blah, blah.

Had dinner and slept over at Brian's. He's really going out for blood in his wrongful dismissal suit. His old company doesn't want him back. They've offered to settle, but he won't take it. He wants to be hired back. Once he's back, his plan is to wreak havoc. I really don't like being around him while he's plotting his revenge.

Played hockey tonight. We won 5-3. One of our defense, the guy who repeats things, crapped out on us tonight. He arrived early but kept talking to his girlfriend. He didn't start to change until the game started, so he missed the first 10 minutes. Then, even there were only 3 D tonight, he played extra long shifts. He wouldn't get off the ice. He got tired and his playing suffered for it.

Maybe he was trying to show off to his girlfriend. Whatever it was, we mentioned it to him later on. He apologizied.

M, showed up to scope out one of the woman who plays on my team-- to see if she would be interested in dating a friend of his. But, the woman didn't show up tonight. As soon as I told M that, he took off.

I got some email about my previous post. I'm ok.

So Sean came over this afternoon. I called him this morning and left a message. He called back and asked me if I had any plans this afternoon. After I said no, he set up the scene. I was to leave my door unlocked, strip naked, and lay spread eagle on the bed, face in the pillow…

Much happened. It was kind of fun. I get the feeling that he whips guys who want to be whipped, and not because he wants to rape. This lead to some weird discussions. “What do you want now? Should I whip your ass? Should I torture your balls?” “Uhh, neither please.” “Ok, how about you just give me a BJ.”

On one side, Sean is much more touchy and snuggly than master Mark. On the other side, he gives a more painful beating. We napped afterwards and talked for a while. He’s a student getting a PHD in theology. His father is a priest. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m doing the sex slave thing. I didn’t really go looking for it. Master Mark wanted me and I found him attractive. At the time I was hoping for something normal. Mark wanted a sex slave. So, mostly for kicks, I went along with it.

Today was my fourth beating. These aren’t gentle beatings. My back, rear and penis are bruised. The beatings hit some button in me. I’m not sure what. I don’t really enjoy them. They are not pleasurable. But, I still go through with it and kind of look forward to it. Is it the idea of being wanted by a powerful man? Do I just like the attention? Am I tired of being in complete control all the time and want to give in to someone else? There have to be better ways of satisfying these desires than having the crap beaten out of me.

Last night at the bear party, M mentioned that a lot of guys have rape fantasies.

Bah. I wrote up a nice entry, but after I clicked "Post & Publish" I ran into net problems, and the post vanished into the either.

Yesterday morning I kayaked around the Arboretum on Lake Washington. I was surprised how natural it is-- the Arboretum is next a major Freeway and in the middle of the city. There was much wild life, streams and inlets to explore. I kayaked out to the middle of the lake, but every time a big boat went by, the wake would really rock the kayak. In a kayak you are floating right at the suface of the water, so if the surface starts waving up and down, even a foot or two, you're really feel it. You have to stay in control otherwise you'll roll.

In the afternoon I got ambitious, so I washed, waxed and Armor All'd the truck. It looks real pretty now.

In the evening I went to a bear party. Two guys I only kind of know invited hundreds of people to their house. I wasn't going to go, but M said he was, so I joined him. When we got there, neither of us really knew anyone. I recognized a few guys, but no one that I had talked to before. At about 11:30 orgies started breaking out. Now, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem with public sex, but I do. When I have sex with someone, it's just between him and me, in private.

So, I looked at the proceedings for a few minutes, finished my beer, and then left.

Well, Master Mark emailed me. I was to show up to his place at 5pm on Friday. This is part of the email "park anywhere, then go around the side of the house and into the back yard. The back door will be open. Enter, and go down the stairs. Strip naked. Kneel down in front of the weight bench, facing it, legs spread wide and hands on your head in surrender. You'd better have an erection. Reply with any questions. SIR."

Well, I did so. I was hooded and shackled. Mark worked on me for a while and then a friend, Sean, showed up. They worked on my together. Although later Sean told me that he was there the whole time. They took turns and kept quiet to make me think it was just Mark.

After it was all over, we went and watched TV. It was kind of weird. I'm not clicking with Mark in a freindly way so the conversation is always stilted. I think Sean really liked me. Afterwards he was back rubbing me. We also lip kissed when Mark wasn't looking. He's already emailed me thanking me and hoping we can talk again.

I'm fairly bruised right now. I play hockey on Sunday. I hope no one noticies.

After I left, I went downtown. Had dinner. Had a beer. Drove home. I'm too tired to to stay out tonight.

I had a weird nightmare last night. This one would raise Freud's eyebrows...

I was butchering a calf. I stuck a knife in its heart and then twisted the knife. I then sliced open most of the calf to get at the meat. Then, the calf jumped up and started limping around-- I hadn't killed it properly. It was in much pain. I wanted to quickly put it out of it's misery but when I looked for the heart to stab it again, the chest went empty. I couldn't figure out where the heart was or how to kill it. I felt bad.

That's when I wolk up. Maybe it wasn't a nighmare. It was more of a guilt-mare.

I had two dates yesterday. At 6:30pm, I met Collin for dinner and drinks. Now, Collin is just comming out of the closet but he's had a crush on me for years. I play on a half gay, half straight hockey team. Colin played in the same league as I. So he knew I was probably gay. He wanted to ask me out for the longest time, but always chickened out. When he read my one-line personals-ad, he figured out it was me. So he replied and asked me out.

A couple years ago, I received an anonymous email saying "Is this the Barry Cohen that plays for such-and-such hockey team?" I replied back. "Maybe? Who is asking?" I never got a response. Well, over dinner, he told me that he wrote that email.

He seems to be a nice guy. I hope I don't end up being stalked.

at 9pm, I met a lawyer, Tom, for drinks. He's a nice guy, but an old 48. I would probably date some one that age, but they'd have to take care of themselves. I'll try and stay in touch cause he seams like an interesting person, but it's not going to go anywhere.

It's kind of weird. I would probably chase Colin a bit more if it wasn't for Harry. I don't know how to manage that. If Harry and I start seeing each other, I don't want to wonder what would have happened if I had a couple more dates with Colin. Vice versa, if I start dating Colin, and it Harry becomes single...

bah. My crotch still rules my brain.

Oh yeah. Master Mark called. He wants me to be free tonight. He's trying to set up a rape scene. It sounds like he and another man are going to going to capture me, beat me, rape me.

Do I need a therapy?

I called Harry today. I left a message saying that we won last nights game. Yesterday I predicted that I we would lose.He told me not to think like that 'cause we would win.

Well, Harry called me up today while he was stuck in traffic. After talking about hockey and house maintenance, Harry asked me if it could ever work out between us. I told him I'd give 100% to it. At about that point Harry changed the subject-- he was driving by a house fire so we started talking about that.

Played hockey tonight. We won 8-4. I got an interferance penalty.

I was expecting to lose the game. The last time we played this team we won 5-4. That was with a good goalie. Since that game our old goalie moved away and our new goalie is very green. Defensivly our strategy was to not trust our goalie and to force the plays to the boards. It also helped that they didn't have 2 full lines, while we had 3. By the second period they were tired.

One of our players has a habit of repeating things over and over-- "Here you go team, here you go.", "Good play there John, Good Play", "Way to block D, Way to Block." I never noticed it before but since Ryan pointed out, I notice it all the time. Now it's getting on my nerves. Ryan and Kam have started paroting him.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He called me. Harry and his BF had another small fight. The BF called Harry at work and asked Harry to vacuum the house when Harry got home. Harry mentioned that their house has torn up floors and hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. So, when Harry got home he did vacuum. When the BF arrived, Harry snapped that he wasn't a bitch and thold the BF to never call him at work to ask him for shit like that again.

After that we reminisced about old times and how fun it was to do things together. We talked about how I never cleaned my house. I asked him how to clean my bathtub drain. It's getting clogged up again. Later I told Harry about a few things I'm doing in the near future-- going to the Ellensburg Rodeo, playing hockey. Harry said that he missed going out and having fun. Harry wanted to go to the Rodeo, but his BF said they are too cruel to animals.

I want to be with Harry so badly. It's just getting worse now that I can see the end of things between Harry and his BF. Last year Harry's goofy sense of humor and laugh used to annoy me. Now it makes me smile.

My friend Kama and his mother dropped by today. Kama lives in Toronto, but is visiting Vancouver. He and his mother decided to drive down to Seattle for the day. I gave them the tour of where I work. I brought them to the museum and the company store. Afterwards we went out for lunch. He showed me pictures of his trip to Iran. There were many beautiful buildings. It looks like the women are only covered in public. In private they take the shawls off.

Last night, I had dinner with and slept over at Brian's. Some one stole his mail. He lost about 5 cheques. Sunday evening, he put some bill payments in his mailbox. Monday morning he noticed they were gone. He managed to put a stop payment on the cheques before there was a withdrawl on his account. Monday evening someone called him and said they found his mail in the bushes off of Auroa Ave and 132nd. They left the mail at a gym near there. When Brian picked up the letters they were slit open and the enclosed cheques removed. The bank told him that because he had issued a stop payment so quicky, they would cover any losses should one of the cheques have already gone through. He's pissed off now and no longer trusts his mailbox.

After we picked up the envelopes we had dinner at a nearby Koren BBQ. It helped him relax a bit. The BBQ had grills right at the table. So, it was a sort of novel way to eat dinner.

I talked to Harry today. Last weekened, he had a fight with his BF. Harry is a social butterfly. The BF is very stay at home and doesn't like Harry talking to anyone. They were at a party last weekend. Harry was talking to someone. The BF gave harry some dirty looks and things escalated from there.

Harry mentioned that in the BF's last relationship, it was open.

Now I'm going to dwell on Harry a lot. Part of me hopes that the BF and Harry will breakup. If that's the case I'll have a shot at dating Harry. On the flip side, if anyone would give 100% to a relationship and work things out, it's Harry. It sounds like he really loves the BF. So, Harry willl see things through the bad times.

At work, I got a promotion, a 15% raise and a 7.5% bonus. We had a fire alarm in the middle of my review, so we walked out side and my manager gave me the good news in the sun.

Today is a good day.

Sunday afternoon, I cycled around Redmond. I found the Mac&Jack Brewery. It's a small place in the middle of a business park. It was hard to spot-- two things drew my attention to it. One was the barley bin outside of the brewery. The second was the smell. It must be a pain to work right next to the brewery.

I had a second date last night. This was a guy I met for coffee a few weeks ago. We had dinner at the Satellite Lounge. It was ok. I don't think I'm going to hit him up for a 3rd date.

After the date I went to the Cuff and had a couple of beers. Brian was there and we talked a while. I took a tour around. Said 'hi' to a few people, and then left.

All in all, a boring day.

Brian has become cell-phone man Here's photo evidence. One cell is his personal phone, the other is for work. He was listening to his personal voice mail when work called.

Brian and I got together and went go-karting up at Monroe. It was fun but expensive. $15 for 15 minutes. Brian isn't an agressive driver. I lapped him 3 times.

Afterwards we went to the Juanita Bay Bar and Grill, had a piture of bear and some nachos. Went back to his place, and then slept.

This morning I had breakfast with Bruce.

Later, I drove out to Leavenworth. I'm hoping to buy a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. It looks like that's a tall order. I saw about half a dozen different places. A couple of them were nice, but really close to neighbors. It was scoarching hot today. Especially at Leavenworth. I'm glad I was in AC most of the time.

On my way back from Leavenworth, I hiked around Deception Falls. It's a small hike. The falls are nice.

My friend Jon is in from Toronto. We might have lunch tomorrow.

Brian called and wants to talk to me about something.

At work we bagged the day. We had an early lunch. Then one of the guys has a boat. We took it out on the lake. We toured around and swam a bit. In fact we swam just off shore from Bill G's house. I've never seen Bill G's house before; it's not that impressive. Yeah, it's big but it looks to too utilitarian. I was hoping it had more gutsy architecture.

I had dinner with M. Bruce and another guy were both supposed to show up, but they didn't. Bruce is very bad at breaking commitments.

Later I went out to the Cuff. I ran into both Bruce and Brian.

Brian's wrongful dismissal suit was in arbitration today. He won't know for a couple of months if he wins, but it sounds like it went well.

Bruce is wearing the kilt today. Now there are 4 guys at the Cuff who regularly wear kilts. It bugs me. It looks real faggy. And it's not like they are wearing it because they are Scottish (or Irish) I guarantee you that if you go to almost any Irish or Scottish pub, that no one there will be wearing a kilt.

I spent last night with Brian; his court case is today and he is really stressing out. It looks like he's going to win, however Brian has a big temper, so his former employer will try hard to provoke him to show that he's not a good man, and that firing him may have been justified.

Yesterday I had lunch with Ryan. We went to Burgermaster again. He's stressing-out about work. He works for a video game company, and it sounds like he's the only one with a modern education in computer graphics, so if he makes a simple suggestions, he astounds his coworkers with his brilliance. Net result is that the people are looking up to him much more than he's used to.

A while back I installed BearShare. BearShare is a kind of napster replacement that lets you share files on your computer. I've been leaving it running almost constantly just to see what people upload off of my system. Well, the most popular songs to offload from my hard drive are "Corey Hart, Never Surrender" and *Depech Mode - Policy Of Truth" 80's retro lives on.

Then, I downloaded some gay porn. The gay porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the music.

Then I downloaded some straight porn. The straight porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the gay porn.

I'm tempted to create a file name that sounds like kiddy porn just to see what happens.

Vive la Internet.

I got together with Mark (Master Mark?) again last night. It was weird. We met at the Eagle and we had more than a few beers. He started doing the master/slave thing there. He collared me there, got me to take off my shirt and flex for him, and put me in handcuffs. It was half exciting, half weird. No one I knew was there, which was good because I definatly didn't want to be known.

The bartender said I looked good in the collar and congratulated me for being owned.

I spent the night at Mark's place. Not sure if I want to do that again. He wants to arange a 3-some, which is not something I like to do.

Marks place isn't what you expect. It doesn't look like a guys place. I'm not sure of the details; it sounds like his mother used to live with him but she died a few months ago.

When I checked my messages the next morning, Brian had called a couple of times and was wondering where I was.

I was over at Brian's last night. We got into a huge shouting match. He was venting about the Seattle traffic problems and how Microsoft has made it worse and he wouldn't stop. I got tired of listening to him after a while so I tried to shut him up. That didn't work. No matter what I tried to calm him down, he would get more and more agitated. Then my voice started to raise. Brian responded in kind. Finally, he just blew up. His face turned beet red and he kept shouting a long stream of curses and complaints. It was only after I started to leave that he calmed down.

Later on, he apologized for getting angry at me for something I have no control over.

The Code Red virus and it's varients have hit work. Some of my co-workers have had to rebuild their machines. I applied the patch a long time ago and haven't been hit.

Mark, the guy who wants to make me his sex slave, has contacted me again. He wants to get together this weekend. I'm half and half on this. He really wants to parade me around in public. I am not ready for that.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He's not totally happy with his new BF. Not that he his not in love or that their relationship is on the rocks. It's really just a personality difference. Harry is much more social than the BF. Harry likes to get out and do things-- hike, visit people, stuff like that. The BF is a real homebody. Harry said that he misses going out.

So, to win Harry back fairly, I have to be interesting. I have to live a good, fun life. This sounds like a plan I can stick with.

One of my work computers is dieing. Occasionally it will make a noise like a circular saw. I guess one of the hard drive bearings is going.

I bicycled a bit on Sunday afternoon. They've put a few new bike paths in Redmond, so I followed them around to see where they go. It's not really exciting. Mostly the weave behind strip malls and go no where usefull to me.

I worked out after cycling. Unless my shoulder kicks up again, I'm going to resume working out 3 or 4 times a week.

Brian wanted me to come over to his place. I said no and told him I wanted to go to the Cuff. Brian said he didn't feel like going out.

I went downtown to the Cuff. Who should be there but Brian. Bruce was also there, wearing his Utilikilt. We talked a bit. Brian and Bruce had been talking for a while. Brian said Bruce was a big hoot. Brian got a big laugh off of the kilt.

I circulated and talked to a few people that I only see at the Bars. I spotted a cute guy that I wanted to talk to, but he was occupied by friends. One of them may have been his BF.

Brian's friend Steve showed up at about 10pm. I told Steve that we had to get Brian another boyfriend. Steve looked at me like he didn't realize that Brian and I weren't really seeing each other.

Brian wanted me to come over Monday night, but I said no.

Friday, I worked out, and went to the Cuff. I ran into Bruce there. He was wearing a Utilikilt He thinks it's butch. I just shook my head. I also ran into Alan, and his partner Jake. I haven't seen them in a long time. Alan, Bruce and I all work for the same company. I haven't seen Alan in over a year.

Brian was also there. He invited me over to his place Saturday night, but I put him off saying that I had some friends to visit.

Satuday, I didn't do much during the day. At the evening, Frank (The guy with the car fetish) came over for dinner. It was fun. We had food. We had sex. We were in the middle of watching a movie when Brian called.

Brian was royally pissed-off when I told him I was having a date. We fought a little on the phone. Then I told him I had guest, and I had to go. Brian said that if I didn't go to his place, that he'd come over to mine.

Well. I guess I'm weak. I told Frank that a friend of mine needed to talk and have a drink, and asked Frank to leave. He was nice about it, and did so.

I drove over to Brian's. We fought on and off for about 2 hours. Brian wants a boyfriend so bad. He's very much in love with me. But I don't feel for him at all. I told him that we shouldn't sleep together, that it's slowing both of us down. Brian said he needs my support right now, cause he's going through a lot.

Brian and I ended up sleeping together. The next morning he made me breakfast and we watched the Blue Angels on TV. He wants me to come over tonight, but I told him no. I need to tell him that more often.

Well, I slept over at Brians last night. He's going through a lot of stress right now. The law suit against his former employer for wrongfull dismissal is next week. It looks like he's going to win, but it will be a slugfest.

Darren emailed and wants to get together again. I wrote back thanking him and said I wanted to see him again too.

Saturday, I've got another date with the car fetish guy.

I also met a lawyer online that I want to have a drink with.

Yes, I am a desperate jerk. I really want to meet a good man, and the bars just don't seem to work. So, I've turned into an internet slut.

A while back I placed online personals ads on a couple of systems. I've only had one reply back, from a woman, so I double checked that I placed the ads in the M4M sections. The woman only wrote "you are special." I replied to her "Thank You." She wrote back with "u r welcome"

I did have a date to night with another guy, Darren. It was good. I can't tell how attracted he was to me. He seems to be on the rebound from his last relationship. I'll write him and thank him for dinner, and see if there is more interest.

Brian wants me to come over tonight.

4

Kewl. I just paid to make my blog free of ads. It looks weird now. I subconciosly expect every web page to have a banner at the top. Maybe I'll find something, to fill the void.

Harry phoned today. A friend of a friend was looking for a job at Harry's company. Harry told me that his company has a hiring freeze on right now.

Afterwards we talked about our relationship and why it didn't work out. He said that if we tried again, it wouldn't work again. I told him no, that wasn't true. I also said that I loved him. He thanked me for saying so. I wished he and Chris (His new boyfriend) a good life.

I had a date last night. It was ok. I don't know if I'll fall in love with the guy but he's definatly in the right ball park. He's got a car fetish. He owns 10 cars, mostly weird european shit like Fiat, or Lada.

It felt good to be with a normal, non queeny, non violent man.

My parents are still here. They're just taking it easy and touring around. They are having a small problem with the trailer. The trailer battery is loosing it's charge after a day.

No, my parents aren't sleeping in the trailer. They are sleeping in my spare bedroom on a good bed.