I had a weird nightmare last night. This one would raise Freud's eyebrows...

I was butchering a calf. I stuck a knife in its heart and then twisted the knife. I then sliced open most of the calf to get at the meat. Then, the calf jumped up and started limping around-- I hadn't killed it properly. It was in much pain. I wanted to quickly put it out of it's misery but when I looked for the heart to stab it again, the chest went empty. I couldn't figure out where the heart was or how to kill it. I felt bad.

That's when I wolk up. Maybe it wasn't a nighmare. It was more of a guilt-mare.

I had two dates yesterday. At 6:30pm, I met Collin for dinner and drinks. Now, Collin is just comming out of the closet but he's had a crush on me for years. I play on a half gay, half straight hockey team. Colin played in the same league as I. So he knew I was probably gay. He wanted to ask me out for the longest time, but always chickened out. When he read my one-line personals-ad, he figured out it was me. So he replied and asked me out.

A couple years ago, I received an anonymous email saying "Is this the Barry Cohen that plays for such-and-such hockey team?" I replied back. "Maybe? Who is asking?" I never got a response. Well, over dinner, he told me that he wrote that email.

He seems to be a nice guy. I hope I don't end up being stalked.

at 9pm, I met a lawyer, Tom, for drinks. He's a nice guy, but an old 48. I would probably date some one that age, but they'd have to take care of themselves. I'll try and stay in touch cause he seams like an interesting person, but it's not going to go anywhere.

It's kind of weird. I would probably chase Colin a bit more if it wasn't for Harry. I don't know how to manage that. If Harry and I start seeing each other, I don't want to wonder what would have happened if I had a couple more dates with Colin. Vice versa, if I start dating Colin, and it Harry becomes single...

bah. My crotch still rules my brain.

Oh yeah. Master Mark called. He wants me to be free tonight. He's trying to set up a rape scene. It sounds like he and another man are going to going to capture me, beat me, rape me.

Do I need a therapy?