I'm back now. I spent the past week in Pembroke Ontario, with my parents

If my friends in Toronto are conservative compared to my friends on Seattle, then my family is way right wing. My parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, go to Church once or twice a week, pray after every meal, some of them thump the bible. A cousin was given a book about muslim, but was afraid to bring it home because it would violate the Christian sanctity of his house.

There isn't much to do in Pembroke. So that we would have something to do, for Christmas I gave my brother a dart board. My brother is very competative with me. We wrestled a bit, although, he's 6'11'', and 260lbs, so if he pushes his weight around, I don't stand a chance. He also beet me at darts and at cards. I gloated big time every time he won. It's amazing how family pushes your buttons.

For Christmas, I got a boot scrubber, a big bottle of maple syrup and a shirt.

My parents both drive school buses for extra money. Half the kids on the busses gave them chocolates or cookies for Xmas. So, we had pounds and pounds of sweets to eat over the holidays.

Spending time with my father is weird. We get along, but we don't talk. We silently work together. The two of us spent a couple of afternoons doing odd jobs around their farm.

Friday evening I spent with M&S, and baby O. O is sick right now, but not so sick that you can't make here feel better by distracting her. She seems to hate me. M&S told me not to take it personaly. Except for S, there are very few men in O's life. When she runs into a strange man, she is very weary.

After dinner with M&S, I went downtown to my old haunt, the Black Eagle. It hasn't changed since I left Toronto. I was talking to one of the bartenders about it and he mentioned that yes, the Eagle, and gay Toronto in particular, has held it's breath for the past 5 years. Everything has aged a bit, but that's it.

Several guys bought me beers. It's good to know I'm still desired. I ended up running into an old drinking buddy. We closed the Eagle. It's not so bad for me. Seattle is three hours off of Toronto and I've been keeping Seattle time. So, when the bars closed at 2am, it only felt like 11pm.

Saturday I had lunch with BP. BP told me his .com tale of woe. He was briefly a multi-millionare. Then the company stocked plunged by $90.00 a share.

Saturday evening, I took it easy with J&E. We had dinner and then watched TV.

Sunday, I had lunch with Lliam. He's over the flu now. We walked down Young street and marveled at all the new construction that's on hold. Work has paused on two new sky-scrapers. Between September 11 and the recession, there isn't the same demand for office space as there was a year ago

Sunday evening, J&E threw a "Wecome Barry back to Toronto" party. I saw many people I haven't seen in a long time. It struck me how different my Toronto friends are from my Seattle friends. My Seattle friends are more out there-- more colourful. They talk about weird porn and sex. They swear. They dye their hair. They rent their homes and have lots of credit card debt. My Toronto friends are very conservative-- even my gay friends. They own houses and have babies. They have stable well paying careers. They are becomming part of the old-boys (and girls) network. It's a very different feel.

Tonight at the party some of the girls talked about their "Craft Horror Stories." In 1993, J started to knit two sweaters. Last year, she gave up on knitting them, and gave them to N to finish. N is trying to do so, but because the original wool was bought in 1993, she's having problems finding enough matching wool to complete the project.

Three and a half years ago, F started a needle point picture which was to be a house warming gift for her parents new condo. The parents have now lived in the condo for a year and a half.

We also talked about how to manage living with your parents over Christmas. I have it easy. I only see my parents once or twice a year for a few days at a time. We don't really get on each others nerves. Not so with many of my Toronto friends. They get all stressed and weirded out talking about their parents.

I had lunch with K. today. He's a bit aimless right now. He quit his job about a year ago, and has just been traveling and working on fun projects. His money is running out though, so he's been looking for some contract work. He also wants to move to Germany. When I asked him why, he said that he wants to go someplace with no responsibilities or obligations. He also wants to study Aikido a Gernmany has a good Aikido acadamy. Finally, he wants to learn German. If anyone else had given those reasons, I would have called "Bull Shit."

I watched friends and survivor over at B's place.

Finally, I went downtown and spent the evening with Lliam. We chatted the night away about BF's and hockey and work. I'd like to spend more time with him, but he's just getting over a flu. He's resting constantly.

I'm noticing the effects of HIV more often. I'm seeing people that I haven't seen in years. AIDS is making them thin and frail. None of my friends are infected, but some people I used to run into often, and just say "hi" to, now look very gaunt.

I've been in Toronto for a few days now. The trip was fairly uneventfull. Thanks to Sept 11, the lineups at the airport were long. It took an hour to get through the metal detectors. I think they've set them to maximum sensitivity. The eyeletes in my shoes are metal. They had me take my shoes off so they could run them through the x-ray machine

I'm staying at G&J's place. Their baby J, is doing well. He's walking around now and starting to talk.

Tuesday I did a bit of shopping. The Canadian dollar is worth about 65 cents U.S.

Tuesday evening I had dinner with J&E, and their baby J. E is dark asian and J is light caucasion. When baby J was born, he had dark black asian hair, but now that he's almost a year old, his hair has turned blond.

Baby J likes to rough-house. He loves being picked up and flown around. I'm kind of worried that I'm going to drop him, or squeeze him too tight. But, J&E don't care. Apparently J is more rough with the baby than I am and it just makes baby J laugh louder.

Played hockey tonight. We won 5-4. I had a good 1st and 2nd period. But, I sucked in the 3rd. It was a scrappy game. I manged to trip a couple of people without getting caught. One of our D's got a stick in the face and got a bloody mouth. After that, he went out for revenge. He hip checked a guy, but the ref saw it.

Harry's ex, Chris5, and I agreed to get together Friday for lunch. About 20 minutes before I left, I got this from Harry...

> Hey Barry. Just a note to say hello. We need to get
> together soon again. It was really good to see you
> and to feel you and kiss you again.
>
> Give me a shout.
>
> Hey I ordered all of my windows for the house
> yesterday. It is going to look so much better with
> new windows.
>
> What are you doing this weekend. Give me a call and
> stop by if you get a chance. I might go into
> Seattle
> tonight. Depends on how tired I am after working on
> the house.
>

So, I had lunch with Chris5. We had a good time. It was sunny after lunch, so we took a walk along the creak. We found a private spot, sat down and chatted a while, and kissed a bit.

I left bit annoyed with myself, and confused. I called Harry up Friday afternoon. We talked a bit. He said I didn't really know what was going on in his life. He hadn't had sex with the FB in a while. Also, he ended up not spending last Saturday night at FB's

Harry and I agreed to get together Saturday night.

Friday night, Chris2, Chris3, Bruce and I went to a private party hosted by some of Chris2's co-workers. On our way in, Chris2 said "I hope so and so is here, because I want to insult him." Chris2 is kind of fun to be with. To most people, he's not a very nice man. I haven't suffered his wrath yet. In fact, he mentioned that I am one of the few people he knows that he hasn't insulted.

We didn't know anyone there. Chris3 and I sat down at a table with a group of people who were telling cop-escape stories. After a few minutes, one of the people turned to Chris3 and said "Hey, you're a cop.. Aren’t you?" Chris3, being a big bullshitter, said “Yes”, and went a long with it. He looks the part.

At about 10pm, Chris3 and Bruce left to see Chris1. Chris2 and I went to RockBottom for food and drinks.

I puttered around Saturday. Saturday evening I went over to Harry's. I helped him paint his bathroom. He has no furniture in his house, so we had a picnic by the fireplace.

He mentioned that Friday night he talked to Chris5. Chris5 told him that we talked at movie bears and had lunch on Friday. At that point I thought I was busted, but Harry just used the opportunity to vent about Chris5.

I ended up having a great time. I spend the night. I think Harry had a great time too. The next morning, we he realized that I was leaving for Toronto on Monday, he looked disappointed.

I really like Harry. I guess I have to figure out what to tell Chris5. On Friday at lunch I agreed to go out with Chris5 on a real date. At that time I thought I was out of Harry’s picture. I owe Chris5 an explanation so that he doesn't think it's something he did. But, at the same time I don’t want to say "I can't date you because I am pursuing your ex."

There are too many Chris's in my life. Chris3, Bruce's boyfriend, wants to be Chris1. Instead, Bruce and I have started referring to the Chris's by their last names. It doesn't feel right though.

I just took a good walk up the hill behind my house. It's very windy out. even the clouds are moving fast.

So, how close does a potential BF have to be? Close enough that I can see him once or twice a week. I don't want a long distance relationship. Nor can I move. I'm in the U.S. on a work visa that is tied to my job. If I quit, then I have to move back to Cananda. I'm working on a green card, but I don't have that yet.

Bruce and Chris are now DP'd (Domestic Partnered). They did it to get Chris on Bruce's medical insurance. Over lunch I called them married. They broke out in goofie grins and started debating who was the wife and was the husband.

Last night I went to "movie bears". Once a week a group of guys from the bear community get together and see a movie. This week it was Ocean's Eleven. Good, but completly forgetable.

Afterwards, we headed up to the Cuff for drinks. There, I ran into another Chris-- Harry's ex. He's a really nice guy. We work at the same company so we have a fair amount in common. We are going to have lunch on Friday.

Today over lunch, I talked about the Harry's ex Chris with Bruce and Chris. I was analyzed the situation bringing up the pros and cons of dating the Harry's ex Chris. Chris cut me off and said that it's ok to have fun. I should just and go out with him. Forget about the details and just enjoy myself. If it works out great. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

I didn't tell B&C this; last night I had a sex dream about Harry's ex Chris.

There are too many Chris's in my life.

Sunday I hung around at Bruce and Chris's again. We watched some of the Chris' experimental films. Yikes! He's made "O.J.'s secret tape." and "Candi's Picnic." Candi's Picnic contains almost every sex-fetish you'll ever run into, yet it's done in the style of a children's movie-- everything is plush, cute and cuddly. I also saw some of his industrial stuff, including an 8 minute piece about the installation of a million dollar painting at MS.

Sunday evening, we went to the Beacon Hill Pub for a beer. It used to be a neighborhood gay bar. Now it's a straight club. They had the worst karioke that I have ever heard.

I've been working late this week. Next week I'm going on Vacation to Toronto, so I want to finish off my work projects before I leave.

I don't have much else to write about. I did write a short essay about my husband hunt. After I read it, it sounded whiny and stupid. Most every man who has ever wanted a husband has been in the same situation I am. There is nothing new about my husband hunt. I just have to meet a guy I'm attracted to, date him and hope for the best. Meeting someone you are attracted to, who is available, and who lives close enough to you so that you can date them, has never been easy for anyone.

Had an Ok day. Bad night.

I went over and had breakfast at Bruce and Chris's. We sat around and watched movies all day. The titles I remember are The Sweet Hereafter and Cecil B. DeMented

The Sweet Hereafter is one of those great movies that you won't like. It's about a school bus accident that kills many of a small town's children and a lawyer trying to convince the grieving parents to hire him to sue whoever may be responsible. It's very depressing and doesn't have a happy ending. The bus accident scene is very effictive. Instead of seeing a spectacular crash, you see something very low key. Instead of being entertained by an explosion, you are left with the feeling that you witnesed a horrible accident.

Had dinner at Bruce and Chris's

I went out to the Cuff later. Didn't have a good night. I ran into Darryl. A long time (6 months?) ago I gave my number to Darryl . He never called. We flirted a bit tonight. He said he still had my number, so I said "Call me". As I was leaving he pulled me aside and told me why he didn't call-- he's HIV+

Why can't I find something simple? All I want is a healthy, good, straight acting man who lives within driving distance. I don't think I'm too picky. Lately my luck is just shit.

Yes! No! Shit.

This morning I got this email from Harry...

> Hey thank you for coming over last weekend, it was
> wonderful spending time with you, hope we can spend
> more time together soon.
>
> Sorry if FB seemed a little pushy tword me, I need to
> get it through his head that we are not an item, just
> fuck buddies right now. I don't want a relationship
> right now.
>
> Anyway take care and give me a call.
>

Well. I called Harry and asked him if he wanted to have dinner Saturday night. He said he couldn't make it. He had a previous engagement that he couldn't get out of. In particular, he was going to spend the night at FB's place.

At this point, I’m giving up on Harry-- at least for a few months.

Played hockey. Lost again 4-2.

At work, I'm no longer on loan. The other team has completed their back log and no longer needs me.

I'm on edge waiting for Harry to call me. My gut tells me he's not going to call. But still, it's disappointing. It could mean that he's not interested. It could mean that he's busy. I talked to Bruce about it. Bruce is of the opinion that Harry and I are probably going to get back together agian, but it's going to take a long time to smooth things out. Bruce said that right now, Harry has the power. For the first time since Harry and I met, Harry has some power over me. So, I should expect Harry to flex it a bit. Not because he's mean, but because he's being cautious.

Nothing much has happened over the past few days. Working Hard. Cleaning a bit when I get home.

I had lunch with Bruce today. He asked me how my motorcycle course went. I lied and told him that I past.

No, I didn't hurt myself. I've had two people ask me that. Thanks for caring.

I dropped the bike on a low speed sharp turn. The drill was, from a high speed, rapidly break and then at a very slow speed (1st gear plus half clutch) follow a path that is about 4 feet wide with a 90 degree turn in it. Well, twice I hit the front break. Not much, but just enough to skid out in the sharp turn.

Last night I was over at Harry's new house. He's going to have a good place. It needs a coat of paint everywhere and new carpets. It looks like it was last painted in the late 60's.

It's got a great view.

He buttered me up a bit. He told me he was very glad I came over. He said that he missed me. He said I was as handsom as ever. He also said he didn't want to just jump into another relationship. When I told him I understood that he needed time and space. He told that wasn't what he ment. What he ment was that he just wanted to date for now.

He grabbed me and we kissed a while. We didn't go farther than that-- Harry's friends showed up. We drank some beer, retiled his part of his shower and then went out for dinner and drinks. I left for home at about 11:30. Harry thanked me for comming and said that he would call.

We'll see. This is going to be a slow ride. All I can do is relax and let it happen.

Fucker.

I failed out of my motorcycle safety class. The rule is, if you drop the bike twice, then you would be asked to leave. Well, I dropped the bike twice. The instructor gave me the option of staying. I said no. I was too wound up. Knowing that they were bending the rules bugged me too much.

Now, I've got to lay low this weekend. I don't want anyone to know that I failed out. Not many people know that was talking the course. Bruce does, as do a few people from work.

Bwahaha. Harry has invited me over to his place. I can't get ahead of myself though. It's innocent. His house closed today. This weekend, I'm taking a motorcycle safety course in south seattle-- near his house. After the course he's invited me over to see his place.

I played hockey last night. It was a frustrating game. We lost 8-2. The frustrating part is that, while I was on the ice, only two goals were scored. The other D play too offensivly. The minute we get a goal behind, they stop playing defense, and start playing like offence. And then another goal goes in.

Ryan dislocated his shoulder so he didn't play. I have to give him a call to see how he's doing.

Hmmm. Harry just gave me a call. I told him about my trip to Mt. Hood. When he heard that only Bruce, Chris and I went, he said I should have grabbed him to go.

Last night, I ran into Allan, the guy who stiffed me. I ignored him. He tackeled me, apologized, offered to pay me back, and bought me a drink. He said he was a bit stoned when he walked out on me. To further apologize, he offered to share some of his cocaine with me. Uhhh... how kind of him. I turned down the offer. We chatted for a few minutes and then I left. It looks like he's a fairly heavy drug user-- that's bad news. Stay away.

I had a great weekend. I will never forget skinny dipping in a blizzard.

It’s about a 5 hour drive from here to the Timberline Lodge. Most of it was uneventful—except for the last 6 miles. As we drove up the mountain, it started to blizzard. The last 6 miles is steep winding, icy and snowy. I haven’t driven in snow for a few years. I ditched the truck. Fortunately it was easy to push out. A good Mexican man with 4WD helped us. After that I put chains on the truck. The Mexican followed us the rest of the way up the hill to make sure we were ok. It’s amazing how long 6 miles is when you can only go 15/20 MPH. When we got to the top of the hill, we gave the man $10.00, and invited him in for a drink. He said no because he had to go.

We had thanksgiving dinner at the Lodge—great meal. It was a spendy dinner, but worth every penny. The table next to us was having a bad time. All the adults except one man, were at one end of the table. The kids, and the man, were at the opposite end. The separated man and a man on the grown-up side of the table kept glairing at each other.

After dinner, we went swimming! The lodge has a heated swimming pool; about 80F. Under water was beautiful. Above the water our heads were pelted by snow.

We stayed in for about an hour. No one else was in the pool, so we skinny dipped.

After swimming we went to the lodge bar and talked to the staff. Almost all of the staff drives Subaru’s.

We were in bed by 11pm. Because of the blizzard we didn’t expect to snowboard on Friday.

We were wrong. Friday was a beautiful, sunny day-- perfect weather for snowboarding. The three of us have very different styles. I started snowboarding last winter, so I’m still green. I fall a lot.

Bruce is more of an explorer. He wants to hit all the paths on all of the trails, just to see what’s there. He’s not afraid of any conditions because he knows he has the skills to get out. Bruce rarely falls. He makes basic snowboarding look easy—as if he just looks where he wants to go, and magically his snowboard transports him there.

Chris loves jumping and stunts. He is weak in soft and deep powder. He becomes nervous if there are no people around.

One time, we were on a very quiet trail with no one else around. Chris and I both fell in a dip. The snow was very soft and at least two feet deep. When the snow is that deep, every step is a big effort. We had to struggle to the top of the dip. Chris got a bit nervous. I was very tired and also nervous. We had never been on that trail before, so we didn’t know if it was going to get worse. Bruce on the other hand was very nonchalant. He was watching us to make sure we didn’t get into trouble—ready to take off again once we got back on our feet.

After boarding for the day, we swam again and relaxed a bit. At one point, we got out of the water, naked, made snow angles, and then jumped back in the water. It’s weird feeling the cold snow against wet skin. It’s not painful, but it’s not pleasant either.

We decided to go to town for dinner. We had to dig the truck out of a huge snow drift. It was a big struggle and took about 30 minutes. By the end, we were all tired, hungry and a bit edgy. We had dinner at the In-Between, in the town of Zig Zag.

We were back at the lodge by 8pm. Bruce went to bed. Chris and I had a drink by their huge fire place

We both hit the sack by 10pm. Unfortunately, Friday night our neighbors were nimrods. The lodge has very thin walls. Our neighbors decided to get stoned on crappy marijuana. They would puff a bit, and then cough a lot. They played gangster rap. They telephone many friends and shouted “Hey doodz! You’ll never guess where I am!” We were too tired to complain. Most of the time, we slept through it.

On Saturday the blizzard returned. The lifts were open though. So, we went snowboarding. Going down wasn’t too bad because the trails are protected by trees. The chair lifts up were cold. At some parts you got the full brunt of the wind. Still, we went down 5 or 6 times.

At about 1pm, we called it a day. We started back for Seattle. Bruce and Chris slept most of the way. At the beginning of the ride, Bruce and Chris we kind of short with each other. After a meal, and their naps, everything was good again.

Good news. Over Thanksgiving, Bruce, Chris and I are heading down to Mt. Hood in Oregon. We are going to snowboard at the Timberline Lodge. Weird Trivia, they shot parts of The Shining at the Timberline.

Bad News. Tonight I was stood up for a dinner date. The guys name was Jason. I've known him for about a year. About 2 months ago, Jason got out of a 6 year LTR. I kind of expected him to no-show. Last week, we agreed to get together tonight. I called him on Sunday to confirm the time and place. He never called back.

Satuday, Bruce, Chris and I went to the Lost Lake and hiked half way around it. Chris and I are both above 6'3'', while Bruce is only about 5'9''. So, there were streams that Chris and I could jump over, that Bruce needed extra help with.

Sunday night I went out to the Cuff. I ran into Brian. He vented to me about how I treated him, and then he left.

Sunday, B&C and I had breakfast at Van's. We chatted with Kathern, our waitress. She plays poker fairly often, and says she regularly wins more than she loses. So, we were asking her for tips.

Later on we hiked down Snoqualmie Falls. Neither Bruce nor Chris has ever hiked to the base of the falls before.

I went out to the Cuff again Sunday night. I ran into another Chris. This Chris is kind of mean. He taunted me for having a crush on Harry. I don't really like Chris's crowd. They're the attractive bears that sleep around a lot. Let me take that back. I'm attracted to Chris's crowd, but once you get to know them, they are mostly jerks.

I need to stay away from the bars for a while. Bruce talked about going up to Mt. Baker to snowboard over Thanksgiving. I think I'll go and get him and Chris to come along.

Fun evening. Bruce, Chris, Ryan, Jen, Kam and I met for dinner at Sushi Land. At Sushi Land, a conveyer belt loaded with sushi travels by the tables. As the sushi goes by you take what you want. It's fun and cheap. The sushi isn't that bad either.

After sushi, Bruce and Chris left. R,J,K and I saw K-PAX. It's on ok movie. Half way through the movie, a guy got up, and stood behind Jen, lifted his shirt, and started scratching his belly. It kind of annoyed Jen. I don't think he was a pervert or anything. I think he was just a low class man who was kind of bored by the movie and wanted to stretch.

After K-PAX, we had a couple of beers at Rock Bottom and chatted for a while. I'm should go to Rock Bottom more often. I saw several gay couples there. I wonder If I could meet a guy there. It's much more normal at Rock Bottom than at the Cuff. Then again it's a straight bar. I could be asking for trouble.

I was used last night. I’m kind of bitter about it. On the other hand, the damage done was very minimal, and now I have a story to tell. Live and learn.

Last night, I went downtown to the Cuff and ran into Tim and his friend Allan. I’ve known Tim for a while. I’ve never met Allan before. Allan is a very attractive, charming man. We had a beer at the Cuff and headed over to the Madison. I bought the round at the Madison. Next we went to C.C.’s.

I also bought the first round of drinks at C.C.’s. Allan set up a tab and bought the second round. He also bought a few drinks for people he was chatting with. We spent about an hour at C.C.’s just chatting, pleasant conversation.

I left to go to the bathroom. When I got back, Allan and Tim were gone and Allan didn’t pay his tab. I looked out the window and saw them walking down the street. I’m a bit steamed about that. I paid Allan’s tab and walked toward my truck.

I ran into Allan and Tim by my truck. When they saw me, they immediately made like it was a big joke. Of course they didn’t offer to pay me back. Tim invited Allan and I back to his place for one last drink. I was still a bit infatuated by Allan, so I agreed. Allan drove with Tim and I followed. Tim drove very fast. I kept hitting red lights and Tim kept driving on a head. After a while I got tired of chasing them, so I drove home.

I wonder what I’m going to do the next time I see Tim. We have several mutual friends.

Not much happened today or yesterday. I'm working a lot. Master Nick called tonight. I told him that I wasn't intersted in being his sex slave anymore. He thanked me for telling him.

Harry called me. We talked a while. He's excited about his house although he's house poor for a while. We also talked about all the shitty gossip going around. Also, on Saturday night, I talked to his ex. Harry talked to the ex on Sunday, so Harry mentioned that the ex mentioned that I talked to him.

The ex seems like a good man. Maybe I'll wait a few months and ask him out.

I had a personal-ad date tonight. I took out a personal-ad a few months ago. Last week I saw that I over looked one reply. I emailed, and we decided to get together for coffee. Well. I'm not interested in him at all. He was a nice guy, but we have little in common. Also, I'm not physically attracted to him. End result was that I left frustrated. I frustration screamed on my way home, but it didn't help like it ususally does

When I got home, I worked out extra hard.

Bruce's new BF, Chris is kind of an cool guy. He seems genuinely interested when he talks to you. The interest may be slightly self serving. Chris is in the film industry. He’s worked on music videos, commercials and documentaries. Mostly he’s a camera man and art director. But sometime he writes and directs. I get the feeling he pays attention so he can make his writing and direction more true. A few times something I’ve said has struck Chris’s ear, and he wrote it down…

“We exchanged phone numbers, but he was from the middle of nowhere, and I was from the middle of a different nowhere, so we never managed to get together.” –Me.

This morning over breakfast, a lady with a Bible, who locked the keys in her car and broke he heel on her shoe, asked me to drive her to Church. I agreed to it. Later on Chris mentioned that when she asked, a series of 8 emotions quickly passed over my face. He wondered if I could do it again so he could write it down. I had no real recollection of what I felt, so I had to say no.

Right now Chris is working on a documentary about rally racers. For about a year, he’s been following about a dozen guys, in their late teens and early twenties, who live, breath, eat and sleep to rally race and stunt drive. All of the guys came from very wacked-up families. Chris, being relatively stable, ended up being a kind of father figure to them. Now that filming is over he has very mixed emotions. The guys still want him to be around all the time. He’s still trying to be friends but it’s hard. He didn’t tell them he is gay. He has to spend his time working on other things. It’s a tough situation.

Last night I had dinner with Bruce and Chris at a new Mexican restaurant in Redmond. It was good. Afterwards, We had coffee at Victor's. A duo was playing there.

Chris is still doped up from surgury.

Afterwards, I went to the Cuff and talked to some good friends of Harry. Nice guys, but they are not the most descreet people. Two things. One. Harry has been tricking with a 22yo. Both of Harry's friends said it's not going to go anywhere. The last time I talked to Harry, he mentioned the 22yo, but said he wasn't dating anyone.

Two. About two weeks ago Harry said I was the love of his life. Excellent, I've got a shot.

Last night I went out for dinner with L. We went through the usual routine... Siam's on Broadway followed by coffee at the Starbucks. The Stranger, a local free newspaper, has been running Masturbation Horror Stories The barista at Starbucks was more than happy to talk about the stories with us.

I also went to the Cuff. I net a nice guy there, Dan. I gave him my number and asked him to call if he wants to have dinner sometime. We'll see what happens.

Later on I went to the Eagle. I ran into Brian there. At about 1:30am I left, and Brian asked me to drive him home since he was drinking too much. I figured he'd hit me up to go sleep with him, but I drove him anyway. Well, I drove him home. I refused to go to bed with him. We talked and argued about it, in his drive way, for about 30 minutes. He wouldn't get out of my truck, so I started to drive him back to his truck. That's when we really started shout at each other. I never realized how much I hurt him. Sometimes I was passive aggressive about our relationship problems. I could never get him to change (tone down his temper) so I just put up and shut up. When that came up in our argument, he started shouting, half crying, half angry, "You never told me that. You never talked to me. You never gave me a chance." Until then I always viewed the problems between Brian and I as Brian's fault. I never thought about my own guilt.

By about 3am, we stopped arguing and made up. I slept alone last night. I don't want to get back together with Brian. I've got a crush on someone else right now, and until that's resolved I can't honestly try to build a relationship with anyone.

Over breakfast I talked about this with Bruce and Chris. Chris had day surgery yesterday. Nothing serious, Right now he is on pain killers and is pleasantly stoned. When Chris heard what I said about Brian, he got kind of emotional and said he might start to cry. So, we switched the subject and started talking about skiing.

So Chris has asked Bruce to move in with him. Bruce is mulling over it. He's not sure. I think he wants to, but I don't know if he wants to put up with Chris's bouts of flakeness.

Played Hockey last night. We lost again. 6-5. It was our fault. We lead the first period 3-1. Then we fell apart. Our cardio didn't hold out. They started gooning us. Our weaker plays started bitching about getting less ice time. We started fighting amungst ourselves. Bleah. We didn't deserve to win.

It was a chippy game. Lots of penaties. I got an interferance penalty for pushing and tripping one of their guys who was hanging around our net.

Another crappy cafeteria story. Today my manager ordered a “ham and cheese sandwich.” She ended up getting “Half a cheese sandwich.”

We had a second birthday party for Bruce. We went to Beppo's. L and his new BF were there. I pigged out. Beppo's serves huge portions. The Tiramisu was very good.

When we went to sing happy birthday, a table near us with about dozen people, got up, stood around our table, and joined in. It really made Bruce Blush.

Chris, the guy Bruce was dating, wasn't there. I got this from Bruce this morning...

"I was really, really pissed at Chris tonight. And when I got to work tonight, I got this really crappy note about not wanting me to hang with him when he's doing his film editing. So I basically said something about understanding he wanting some space and then some other 'p.c.' shit. So it's time to cool it with him. It was getting too much anyway. Thanks for a great time tonight. I'm glad Chris wasn't there. I had a better time with just the three of you"

Embarrassing day. A while back, Master Mark took a racy picture of me. He got me to put it on my chat profile, just for one day, just to see what would happen. I forgot to take it down. Today someone I respect saw the picture. Shit.

---

“The promise of love is hard to ignore.” -Nick Finn

“Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.” – Mary Schmich

Would I leave Seattle if I fell in love with someone somewhere else? When I left Toronto for Seattle, I left many good people behind. It was hard. When I was talking to a friend from Toronto, he said he could never leave Toronto, even for love. Toronto is his home. All his friends are there

On one hand I believe that what I want most is to meet a good husband that I can love and build a life with. On the other hand, my friends are important to me. I know how hard it is to leave and I’m not looking forward to doing it again.

Anyways, right now this is all hypothetical-- maybe not in the future.

I watched L.A. Story again. I’m over identifying with it. L.A. Story is about a man, Harry, who goofs around and amuses himself, but doesn’t have real meaning to his life.

“I was deeply unhappy only I didn’t know it because I was so busy being happy all the time.” -Harry in L.A. Story.

Harry meets a good woman, Sara, and the two start to fall in love. However Harry wrecks things by falling back to his careless ways. Sara catches him having sex with a young bimbo.

I won’t give too much more away, but in the end Harry and Sara do get together and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, the reasons they get back together are far fetched and I can’t hope for the same in my life.

Shit. I’m being misty-eyed and philosophical again.

Fun social, heavy drinking day.

At about 9am this morning, an old friend Paul from Toronto called and said he was in town for the day. He invited me to have lunch with two friends of his from Tacoma. We caught up on old times. He told me some gossip about my ex Bob. Bob (Who is about 45) is now dating a 21yo. Paul said the 21yo was very hot but couldn't put two words together to make a sentance.

It was kind of weird to hear about Bob. I felt a little bad about it. Bob and I lived together during 95&96. Then one day he left me for a hairless little twink. The end was very abrupt. He never came back to our apartment to pick up most of his things. I threw most of them out when I left for Seattle.

Later on, I met up with Bruce and Chris. We went to the Seattle International Autoshow. I'm not really enamored with the cars I saw. Several people mentioned like that it looks like they are designing cars to look like tennis shoes.

After the show, we had a couple of beers at The Central Pub.

Bruce and Chris left to run some errands. I went up to the Cuff and had some and ran into a number of guys that I know. We ended up drinking a lot of beer. Somebody kept buying pitures. I met a few guys I found attractive but they were either partnered, just wanting to play or both.

A few guys made a some cracks about Harry and his last relationship. He's got a bit of a nieve-romantic attitude about things that he often gets run down on.

On the way home, I let out a few frustration screams. I stopped at a drive-through on the way home. When I ordered I was horse.

Bruce, Chris and I went hiking today. We walked through the old train tunnel on Snoqualmie Pass. The tunnel is 2.7 miles long and has no lights. We only had one small flashlight, so we walked most of the way in the dark.

In that kind of darkness, your eyes play tricks on you. The end of the tunnel was so far that it kept looking like it was a small light maybe 30 feet away. The slighest bit of light, reflection off a water drop or a wet rock, gave you the feeling that something was there waiting for you.

Chris is a bit claustrophibic and almost had an anxiety attack. We got him to talk about things-- his school, where he grew up, stuff like that. I felt the creaps too. It was a bit unsettling to know that if someting went wrong and we had to get out, we'd have to run over a mile in the dark before we'd reach the exit.

We made a rule-- no scary stories or talk of horror movies.

Bruce didn't tell us that we would have to go through the tunnel twice. He figured if he did, Chris wouldn't go. But, on the other side there is no above ground trail back. We rested a few minutes, watched a hawk, talked to some cyclists and then walked back.

Chris said he felt much better the second time through.

I've got a bit of a cold so I worked from home today. Mostly I goofed off. I watched L.A. Story. L.A. Story is is sort of happy romance comedy that I watch when I need a pick-me-up. One of the lines is "There is some out there for everyone, even if you need a compass, a pick axe and night goggles to find them." It's refreshing to hear that. All too often I think "Not all stories have happy endings. Most dreams don't come true. And when they don't, the part of you that dreamed will slowly wither and die." Bleah. I'm turning into my father.

I'm not having dinner with Rob. I'm staying home to rest.

Harry called me. He's living with his mother right now. He very busy moving his stuff to storage. When his house closes, he will have to move his stuff again. I asked him if he needed help. He said "Not yet. All the big stuff is in storage". He's working this weekend cause he needs extra money to pay for new appliances for his house.

I've got a small digital camera. I've had it for about a year now. I've been looking at some of the pictures I've taken and I realize that I should carry the camera more often. Some of the photos turned out realy well and bring back good memories. I want more of them.

It's Bruce's birthday today. Chris and I took Bruce out to the Sushiman in Issaquah. It is a very good sushi restaurant. Although, as it turns out, Bruce doesn't really like sushi. He had the grilled Tuna instead.

Sushiman has dozens of different kinds of sake. We had absolutely no idea what to order and had to trust the waitress. I wonder if the Japanese have the same kind of problem the first time they order wine at a good western restuarant... normally they just have wine, red or white. But at a good restaurant they can order merlot's or cab's or zin's, California, Australia, Canada, French... You have absolutly no idea how to pick something good. But it's expensive enough that you don't want to pick something bad.

Later on we had a beer and cheesecake at the Issaquah Brewpub. The waitress gave Bruce a free birthday t-shirt. It looks very cool.

They just opened up a Krispy Kreme in Issaquah. It's the first in Washington. After we left the Brewpub, we drove by. The lineup was amazing. This morning the lineup was 3 hours long. Tonight, at 10pm, the lineup was at least an hour long. Really bizarre considering it's just a donut store.

Harry called and left a message. He sounded very up beat. He said "called to say 'Hello' and see how the heck you are doing!" in a very postive tone. Simple things like this make me happy

Mixed day.

I spent the evening at Master Mark. It was a weird night. I figured out what's going on with me. I'm covering up for all the nothing that I feel. I'm lonely and I want to love someone. Being a slave boy is an easy substitute. I get to please someone. He pays attention to me. The rules are clear. It's any easy thing to do.

Next time I talk to Master Mark, I'm going to call it off. He's a nice guy, but definitely not a long term relationship. Mark likes me. He likes to watch me sit and pose for him. He likes to complement me. Tonight he asked me if guys told me I was handsome. I said "Yes." He sort of laughed and said "If any one else had said yes to that, I would have thought they were lieing."

Master Mark definitely knows how to stroke my ego. That's why I kept going back.

Tonight after I left his place, I felt good that it was over. I know there will be complications in the future. I'm still single. I still have a sex drive that can get me into lots of trouble. But I know that I don't want to be a sex slave.

My gay niche is too small. I am a, and I am attracted to, gay guys who look and act straight. Not leather butch or that freaky showy masculine you see at the bars, but normal ordinary, no lisping, straight acting man. This is a very small niche. After a few years every other straight acting gay guy is either a friend, or a friend of a friend.

Before Hockey last night, I was briefly at the Cuff. I ran into a guy named Rob. He was a nice guy, another truck driver. He’s a local driver, so he’s around more than one day a week. We chatted a while, and I gave him my phone number. Well, we talked on the phone today-- Rob mentioned a few things that I had heard before. So I dug a bit. It turns out that Rob was Harry’s ex, and that he dated Brian before I did.

Now it will be hard to get to know Rob for who he is. Neither Harry nor Brian had much good to say about Rob. Plus Brian got Rob to tell him lots of dirt about Harry so that he could pass it on to me.

Played hockey tonight.

Before the hockey game, I couldn't find my left glove. So, I dug out an old glove I haven't used in years. I put my hand in it. At the end of one finger it was kind of squishy. So I pulled my hand out and tried to shake the squishy thing out. Nothing. I stuck my hand in again. The squishy thing was still there. So I got a knife to fish the squishy thing out. It was a very big spider, still alive. Bleah.

We ended up playing against the same team that spanked us last week. They won again. But this time only 3-0. They are a very good team. We are probably playing one division too high. We are trying to figure out what to do with our weaker players. With a score like 3-0 it's clear that the defense, while not perfect, is pulling it's weight. Offense on the other hand just didn't come together. We have four new weak forwards who are very loyal to the team. If they all show up, like tonight, it's hard to score against a strong team.

Friday evening, L and I had dinner at The Satelite Grill. We originally were going to eat at a new place called the 1200 Bistro, but when we go there, the wait was 90 minutes. Afterwards we went to the Cuff. L has a fuck buddy in that neighborhood, and the FB invited him over, so after one beer, L left.

I just talked to a few people and got frustrated. The only guys I found attractive weren't interested in dating-- they just wanted to play around.

Brian was there. We didn't talk. We nodded hello and then spent the evening on opposite ends of the Cuff. I caught myself thinking "How can I work things out with Brian?" I've got to stop that. Brian and I have been trying to work things out for far too long. I have to stay a way.

I was in bed by midnight.

Saturday, Bruce and I went to the Washington Cask Beer Festival. About 40 local breweries were giving out samples. We tried 15 different beers-- just shot glasses of beer. We got a bit tanked. I ended up telling Bruce more about Master Mark than I intended. Bruce knew that I have an FB called Mark, but that's it. He didn't know that Mark wants me to be his sex slave.

On the way home from the Beer Festival, Bruce and I stopped of at the liquor store. I needed to buy some Irish Cream for Ryan's Halloween party. I saw a bottle of "Ryan's Cream" I thought "Perfect. That will be a good laugh".

When I got to the cashier, she said "Have You tried Ryan before?"
I said "No."
The cashier repied "Well, he's not very good."

At the party I told Ryan and Jen that story. We had a good laugh.

The Halloween party was fun. A few minor incidents. One girl fainted-- costume was too hot, she was on a bit of medication and drinking too much. She recovered quickly with no injuries.

B&M were at the party. They brought their new baby. He's so small. B&M are both around 5'6'', so imagine the size of their baby. I'm 6'6'' with big hands. I could hold the baby in one hand. The baby was very well behaved. Even though the party was loud, he slept through it.

Some 'cool' people showed up. They really didn't fit into the party. No one really knew them-- they were friends of a friend who didn't show up. It's hard to descibe them, they weren't bad people, it's just that they noticable stuck out and stayed a bit away from the rest of the crowd.

I heard a couple of good stories from Kam. Kam is a private investigator, so often something strange is going on in his life. He told me a sad story about a woman who's husband just left. He said he was going out to do some yard work, but instead he hoped in the car and left. Two weeks later she still hadn't heard from him. Her purse was in the car. Kam suspects he's at his mother's house. His mother won't confirm or deny that he's there.

Kam has also been doing some survailence on a waitress who works at a strip club. He has had a few tense moments smuggling the camera into the strip club. One time he was carrying a conceled gun. A stripper rubbed his hip, and felt the gun. She asked "Is that your cell phone?" Kam quickly said yes. It looks like things are finally going well for Kam. Usually his private investigation work is very tedious-- pre-employment screenings, survailence to catch workers-comp fraud. He's happy that he's finally got one interesting case. He was bragging that he got paid to hang out at a strip club.

I got a bit drunk. When I got home, I ended up talking to Master Mark. He wants to get a cock cage for me, so that I can only cum when he lets me. I agreed. Now that I'm sober, I'm having second thoughts.

Nothing much happened today. I'm going to a halloween party on Saturday, so I worked on my costume. I'm trying to be a mummy. It looks pretty lame. I used duct tape to to fasten wrappings to track pants and a long sleeve shirt. However the duct tape shows through the wrappings, so I look like a fuzzy tape ball.

I was never good at crafts.

Keeping my journal on line is kind of weird. It sort of inflates my ego knowing that strangers find me vagualy interesting. I have to watch myself to keep the journal honest. After all, we all have a tendancy to portray ourselves in the best light. I have to stop my self from thinking "If I write that, Tommy will never date me."

I've also added comments to the journal. This reduces the barrier between me and my readers even more. I'm getting a few comments, all constructive, but it really blurs the lines of privacy and ego. Part of me thinks "That's pretty cocky of you to think that your life is worth the analysis of strangers." Most of me doesn't care. After all it's not like I'm putting scads of effort and money into this. So what if strangers peek. No one's forcing them. It's fun.

So I had another internet date tonight. He was a realestate agent. Nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him. His eyes were on me constantly. I think he's trained himself to always look directly at whomever he's talking to. But, it had an creapy effect-- like one of those portait paintings with eyes that always look at you..

We had dinner at the Celtic Bayou.

Afterwards, Mark the truck driver called. We talked a while, and I invited him over. He spent the night. He's a nice guy. We'll see what happens. Mark is heading out on a run today. It will be about a week before he comes back. He told me that he's been fantasizing about me for years.

This whole "Give Harry Space" plan is driving me nuts. This weekend is the Washington Cask Beer Festival; Bruce and I are going. I left Harry a message, asking if he wanted to go. He left me a message saying no, he was going to be busy this weekend. But, the way he stressed the 'no' bugs me. He said the "No" like "No you creap, I want you to stay away from me." On the flip side, I may just be overanalysing things.

Either way, I have to let it go. Give Harry his Space. I can't mention it. Bah.

Had a date last night. His name was Jason. We had dinner and drinks at the Elysian. He's not a bad man.

The Elysian is next to the Cuff. So, after we had dinner, Jason went home and I stopped by the Cuff. That's were I ran into Mark. Mark is a truck driver that I've known for years. He's always said he's been very attracted to me, but until recently he was in a relationship. So, we had a few drinks together and ended up closing the Cuff. I went home alone, but I gave Mark my number. Mark said "He was hoping to do more than just call me."

Harry just bought a house. It sounds like a nice place.

Over email I offered to help him move. He wrote back..
"K will do.. Thank you.. Me"

So I can't tell if he actually wants me to help him move, or if he's just putting me off.

We also talked on the phone. He's very excited about the house. It sounds like a bit of a fixerupper, but it's got lots of potential; many big rooms, good view of Kent Valley.

I wish him luck.

In other news, I'm doing that Internet Date thing again. I've got one date tonight, and one date tomorrow. We'll see. Both guys are attractive and in their mid 40's.

Played hockey tonight; Ryan and I carpooled to the game.

Well, we took a big shit on the ice. We lost 8-2. Everyone sucked. The goalie was a sieve. Defense couldn't clear the puck or setup the forwards. Forwards fumbled the puck when they got it.

Ryan and I talked about it afterwards. Part of the problem is that we've taken on a few new and green players. Now we have too many people. Our good players can’t play strong. They have to back up the weak players.

Also tonight the refs started the game early. Our team has a lot of guys who arrive 5 minutes before the warm up. So, if they decide to start the game 10 minutes early, it really hurts.

Finally, tonight we had a substitute goalie who's style was very different than our regular goalie. By the time defense figured out the goalie, 5 goals went in. She's used to playing in a woman's rec league-- no slap shots, forwards won't aggressively run the net.

So, Friday night, Bruce, L and I had dinner at the Siam's and coffee at the Starbucks. Afterwards, L went home. Bruce and I went to the Cuff. We walked to the middle bar. Master Mark was there, passionatly kissing someone. The two Stevens from my softball team were also in the middle bar. So, Bruce, the two Stevens and I chatted while Master Mark necked. After a few minutes Mark and his trick left. The four of us kept taking till about 1am. The two stevens are cool people. I'm should keep in touch with them.

Saturday afternoon, Bruce and I went caving at the Talus Rocks. It was fun. We took a lot of photos.

In the evening, Bruce needed to talk to his ex, F. Bruce and F work together on a TV show and Bruce needed to get some images from F for the next show. So, F, F's new boyfriend, Bruce and I met for dinner. Small world story; Last summer I had a date with F's new boyfriend It didn't go anywhere and we didn't have sex. I didn't mention the date to F or Bruce. It's hard enough to build a relationship. The last thing F needs is someone telling old pointless gossip about his new BF.

After dinner, I went online for a while and ran into Master Mark. He told me that he was feeling down last night, so he picked up that guy and had very bad sex with him. He asked me why I didn't say hi to him. I told him it was because he was lip locked with the trick. So, we talked a while. He mentioned that I'm not the best conversationalist and that he'd like it if I called him more. He could never figure out if I was interested in him.

Well, we agreed to get together, to talk, to have sex. He had me do a couple of shots to help me relax. I told him I was hoping for a vanilla kind of relationship. He said he partially wanted the same thing. He wanted a vanilla relationship outside of the house, but master/slave in the house.

I'm tryijng to figure Master Mark out. I think he was a momma's boy. She died about 6 months ago. Now for the first time, he's really on his own. He's never had a long term relationship. He's dated guys for a few weeks, but nothing real. That probably explains why he cruises so much; he doesn't know what to do with his free time.

I still spent the night.

Sunday morning I bought some more dumbbells for weight trainging. My 50lbs dumbbells are too light and my 75lbs bells are too heavy. So, I bought a used pair of 60lbs at Play it Again Sports. I think my body is comming along. Both Master Mark and Bruce have made comments.

Bought myself a new toy. an HP Jordana Pocket PC. Part of me wants to believe that it will help me organize my life and make things more convienent, but I'm not kidding myself, it's a toy.

HP seams to have a great delivery system. I ordered the Jordana Tuesday evening at about 8pm. I payed for the slowest delivery (FedEx Ground) Yet, by Wednesday evening, the PPC was at my door.

I've been loading it up with games, embarrassing photo's of Bruce (Every time Bruce and I go hiking, I take a picture of him peeing) and a few books.

I had beer with Bruce tonight. We went to J&M's. Hurding Cat's was playing again. It looks like they have a regular Thursday night gig. It looks like their name is getting around. Tongiht many more people were dancing to them.

Bruce is stressing out over work, over his two BF's who keep telling him "Let's just be friends", and over a local TV show that he produces. Along with our beer, we had a shot of vodka, really bad vodka. I can still feel it eating at my stomach. I should have asked for the name, I'd like to avoid it in the future.

Had beer with Bruce last night. He's unsure about Chris. He keeps getting the "Let's just be Friends" speach from Chris, yet Chris keeps wanting to spend time with Bruce, and is very sweet to Bruce.

Chris is out of town on Business. He's in NYC. This is the first time Chris has been back to NYC since the attacks. Bruce relayed the following... "Just got off the phone to Chris . He’s having a good time. He sounds happy which is nice. He walked to the WTC last night. Said it was weird not seeing the buildings and it’s all lit up like some movie site."

Harry just called me. We just chatted. He's put an offer in on a house. It sounds like a good place. He's excited about it.

We caught up on what each other are doing. We didn't make any plans to get together. It was still good to talk to him.

Our work cafeteria is still crap. But, I've figured out how to get half decent service-- I actively manage the cooks. "I'd like a Hamburger with tater-tots. No, don't put cheese on that. I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon… I said I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon." Today I got a half decent burger and tater-tots fairly quickly. I was very pleased with myself until I bit into a tater-tot-- it was still frozen in the center.

The rain has hit Seattle. It’s been dark and gloomy for days. I feel like snuggling up with someone and loving them and spoiling them.

I think I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure. Last night I ran into my ex, Brian. He won is wrongfull dismissal lawsuit and has come unto a lot of money. He paid off his mortgage and is going to take a long cruise. He put a lot of pressure on me to start seeing him again. I told him no. I ended up saying 'no' 20 different ways with 20 different reasons.

At about midnight last night he called me again. We fought on the phone for a while.

Tonight he called me again to see if I wanted to come over. I told him no. He wanted to know why and I fumbled around to try and explain. In the end I told him that us sleeping together was just slowing us down from finding real lovers. For the first time in years, he accepted what I said, and didn't fight me to change my mind.

I think this is one of those moments where the right thing is bittersweet.

So, Bruce has two friends in town from Porltand. We arranged things so that the friends would stay at Bruce's place, and Bruce and Chris would sleep over at mine.

We were supposed to meet the friends at 8pm at the Broadway but as luck would have it Bruce and Chris were late. I didn't know what the friends looked like, so I didn't know who to join.

After dinner Chris dragged us to an bar in a very up scale hotel. It was kind of fun. I had a martini. I noticed that my attitude to alcohol is changinig for the worse. Two years ago I only drank beer and wine. Never hard liquor. I didn't like the taste of it. Last night my martini tasted very good. I guzzled it.

Afterwards we drove back to Bruce's place. Due to a misscommunication, Bruce and Chris arrived a half an hour late. Apparently I was supposed to drive by Bruce and Chris's to wave them off before I drove to Bruce's place. I didn't. The parking lot was way out of the way, so I just drove towards the freeway. So, Bruce and Chris waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes before they left.

Bruce's guests and I hung around and chatted until B&C clued in that maybe I just drove the guests to their final destination. They're a nice couple. We just small talked.

So today, Bruce, Chris and I toured around Seattle. I guess we went shopping; we couldn't bring ourselfs to say that. We went looking for work clothes and hardware. A few times while we were driving, Bruce fell asleep so Chris and I chatted. He's a nice guy. He definatly likes Bruce. I'm not sure why he gave Bruce the let's just be friends speach. It may be because of the uncertainty in his life. His ex is still living with him, he doesn't have a stable job, he's going deaf.

The deaf part is kind of interesting. His treble is gone and so is most of the midrange, but he can still hear bass. As a result most of the people he hangs around have deep voices. He wears very large hearing aids.

He's about 40yo, but acts like he's 25. He loves snow and skate boarding. Also he sometimes talks like a surfer dude.

He said he moved to Seattle because we wanted a well grounded, more stable life. He's spent his life doing artist/acting kind of things-- always on the verge of something great, but always ending up with the short end of the stick. Now he just wants a life without having to worry where the next dollar will come from.

Friday at work we had a pie toss to raise funds for the United Way. They auctioned off people. Highest bidder got to throw a pie in the face of the auctionie.

Friday night, Bruce, L, L's friend Frank and I had dinner. I'm not quite sure about Frank. He looks and talks like a quiet, conservtative guy, but Bruce said Frank invited him over to try out his dungon. In addition, Frank has been hunting for a house boy. He flew in a guy from New York, but things didn't work out, so he flew him back.

After dinner, L & I went to the Cuff. Bruce took off and didn't say where he was going. For some reason there were a lot of bearish guys at the Cuff. I talked to a few guys, but as luck would have it, everyone I was interested in had partner.

I was leaving at about 11:30pm when Bruce showed up. He said that he just had sex with Darren. We talked a bit and Bruce said Darren wanted a capital B boyfriend. I'm not sure what that means. That Darren only thought of Bruce as a fuck budy? That Darren is romanitically intersted in Bruce. I didn't ask Bruce to clarfiy.

I went home alone.

This morning Bruce, L and I had breakfast at Van's.

I'm still thinking about Harry a lot. I'm trying to push him out of my brain for two reasons. 1. I don't want to act obsessive when I actually see him. 2. I don't want to be hurt if we don't get together.

Bruce and I went to J&M's Cafe last night. The band playing was "Hurding Cats" They're a good cover band.

We chatted for a while. Bruce asked me about my plans to win Harry over. I told him I had no choice but to give him space. It's frustrating but true. Bruce is having problems with Darren. Darren doesn't want to be chased, yet when Bruce and Darren get together they talk for hours and have fun together.

This is kind of funny. Bruce said he had great news to tell me. When I asked what, he said Chris just game him the "Let's just be friends" speech. Now he can concentrate on Darren.

Anyways, to celebrate his being slightly more single, tonight we are going downtown to J&M's.

Just what I needed-- another week night of drinking. This time no shots.

I'm only a little bit hung over. Nothing asprin and coffee won't take care of.

I went out drinking with Bruce. We stopped off at our local bar, the Workshop. I had 3 shots of vodka, half a piture, plus a pint of beer. I shouldn't be typing, I'm drunk.

We talked about boyfriend trouble. Bruce is kind of seeing two guys, Chris and Darren. Bruce is mostly interested in Darren, but Darren is distant and only wants sex. Chris is a fun and nice guy, but he doesn't tickle Bruces's fancy like Darren.

Bruce and I talked about Harry and how I have no choice but to stay away.

They we got onto the subject of ridding your self of the past. My first ex, Rob, came up. I was 24 when I met Rob. He was 39. We ended up living together for two years. Then one day when I came home from work there was a message on the machine. "Hello Barry, don't expect me home tonight. I've met someone new and I'm going to spend some time with him." Rob never came back to pick up his stuff. He left all his clothing, his furniture and his papers behind. I still have some of his clothing-- no point in throwing out good shirts. But Bruce wants me to get rid of them. He wants to have a big bonfire where we both take crap from the past and burn it up. It's weird for me to think about that. Rob left me five years ago. I don't think about him anymore. He's just someone I once new. Putting effort into getting rid of his stuff is strange. I'd have to think about him which is something I never do anymore.

I don't like the new work cafeteria. The cafeteria just opened and they haven't worked out the bugs. Most of the staff isn't properly trained. They rarely get orders right. For some reason they think everyone one ordered a cheeseburger. So if you order a hamburger you have to wait twice-- once for your cheeseburger and once for the regular burger..

They are not too skilled with the grill either. Today my burger was well chared.

Let me tell the tale of Harry and myself. I've known him for years. There has only been one constant in our relationship-- bad karma.

I don’t remember when I met Harry, maybe 97, it was before Brian and I were partnered. The first night I met Harry he told me he was thinking about selling his house and moving in with his mother. My first impression was “Momma’s boy. Not interested.”

I didn’t keep in touch, but Harry was infatuated with me. He took out a couple of “I saw you ads” and started visiting my regular haunts. I heard through the grape vine that he was a good man and that he was looking for me. Eventually he gave up the search and started a brief but very crappy fling with Rob, a man who turned out to be a friend of my ex, Brian. I didn't know Harry and Rob were seeing each other when I finally decided to call and ask if Harry out for dinner. Harry had to say no. Harry and Rob broke up shortly afterwards, but not before Rob threw out Harry’s address book and my number within it.

Well, I met my Brian and we started dating. We started spending a lot of time together. We started arguing. We started patching things up. We had a lot of fun together. We kept arguing. We kept patching things up. Then after two and half years of this, we called it quits. That was May of 2000. The most frustrating moments of my life were all with Brian; but I don't regret it.

At this point, as someone pointed out “Most guys are gonna go through a ‘I don't wanna date anyone’ phase. Then it's the ‘I'll show him by being a big slut phase.’” That’s exactly what happened to me. Only I didn’t handle things right. I ran into Harry and he used every trick in the book to snag me. We started dating. He was a great man, only I didn’t care. My heart wasn’t in the relationship. I wanted to be single, I wanted to slut around. On top of that, my ex-Brian, because he knew Harry’s ex-Rob, was feeding me bad gossip about Harry. After two months with Harry, I ended it. It hurt him and he cried afterwards.

I became a slut but I kept in touch with Harry. After a while I developed feelings for him. Harry, being a bit gun shy, wasn’t big on dating me again. I was still a slut but my slutty feelings changed. It was something I could do for fun and to get off; but it didn’t make me happy.

Then last March Harry met Chris and they moved in with each other right off the bat. It broke my heart. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, after all I’m not innocent, but it still hurt.

And now Harry is single again. So am I. The waiting game begins.

I got my HIV test back-- negative.

I also talked to Harry. Right now he's kind of scared and confused. He feels bad about the breakup. He didn't want to hurt his BF. On the other hand he wasn't happy in the relationship. What else could he do?

Right now he wants to take it slow and find himself again. He doesn't want to jump into another relationship. I asked him if he wanted to do something this weekend he said yes, but didn't know how much time he'd have free.

I told him a couple of funny stories and got him to laugh.

So now I have to take things slow. This kind of runs counter to my instincts. When I have goals I try to get right in there and push to get what I want. That is the wrong way to handle Harry.

It's frustrating. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I hope Harry and I get together.

I just got a voice mail from Harry. He and the BF have split up. He's still living at the BF's. I don't know what to do. My instincts are obsesive and probably not attractive. I want to be with him so bady. I have no idea how Harry feals though. He probably needs some time to himself.

Played hockey tonight. Another 11pm game. A few of the guys didn't show up so we had to play short. We lost 5-3. At the end D was dead with exhaustion.

I drove with Ryan to the game. He told me a cool story. The company he works for hired a few stunt drivers to to drive Ryan and his team around and show them car tricks. It's a real buisness expense; Ryan's team is working on a car racing video game.

Well, Ryan expected the stunt drivers to show up at the track with special stunt cars; they didn't. They went to Hertz and rented regular rental cars. ("Don't worry! We paid the extra $8.00 for insurance.") One of the stunt drivers started off by saying "The cars have many safety features that make it difficult to do stunts. We turned them off by pulling most of the fuses. We also tighten the parking brakes." The drivers then proceed to run the cars through their paces. By the end of the day parts were flying off. One driver bitched that his power steering belt popped off. Another mentioned that he broke a parking brake control cable. The tires were bald, and the parking brakes were smoking.

Apparently this is par for the course in the auto racing video games industry. Ryan mentioned that on another game, the sound man was collecting various car sounds. For one sound he rented a car, set the parking brake and drove it up a hill, gas to the floor. It ended up melting the rear hub caps.

I will never buy a used rental car.

Sunday morning I had breakfast with Bruce. Something happened between Bruce and L, so Bruce asked me to not invite L. I called L anyways, he wasn't home, so no problem. I think Bruce is over analyzing the situation. Later on L left a message on my machine saying sorry he couldn't make it for breakfast, he was at Church. He also asked if Bruce was ok.

At breakfast, Bruce and I decided to head up to the Scenic Hot Springs. It's about an hour drive, and an hour hike. List time I was there was Tuesday Nov 14, 2000 (Wow. My journal is being usefull to me)

The Scenic Hot Springs are a clothing optional hotsprings up by Steven's Pass. It's fun to go soak in them every now and then. Bruce and I spent about 3 hours just relaxing and chatting with others.

Small world story-- Bruce, naked, was getting out of one hot tub while another lady was getting in. Suddenly the women shouted "Bruce! Is that you!" Bruce said yes. He recognized the women as someone he worked with years ago. Then the woman said "You look different now." Bruce, who was standing there, naked, dripping wet, agreed. Everyone in the hot tub burst out laughing.

I think we left at about 5:30. Hiked down the hill and started the drive home. We were both fairly hungry. While driving, we were talking about what to eat and decided that steak and beer would be good. Well, shortly after we decided that, we drove past "Prospectors Steak and Ale House." It was like a message from above. We turned around and went in. It was a good restaurant. We both had the Rib Eye special.

Today, the U.S. (And Britain) launched attacks on terrorist camps in Afganistan. All the words you hear are chosen so carefully. These aren't Islamic Terrorists. These are just terrorists. This isn't an attack on Afganistan, this is an attack against terrorist bases in Afganistan. I understand why they have to choose their words carefully. It's just interesting to observe it.

Well, I'm back. Master Mark toned down his act, he still feels kind of guilty about the whole Sean thing.

If I was falling for the man, it would have been a great day. Inbetween having sex, we went to the huskies game. Mark has season tickets to the UW huskies (college football) UW won over USC, 27-24. The game was tied but then in the last 3 seconds then UW scored a field goal. We had more sex after the game, had dinner and went out for drinks. He had me take my shirt off and pose a bit. I got more than a few good looks. I'm not really comfortable with being shirtless. I lead a very conservative life so walking around shirtless at a leather bar is new.

Afterwards we went back to his place and then slept.

College football kind of amazes me. I'm from Canada-- not a big football country. Canadian pro-football games attact a few thousand fans. Canadian college football games attract a few hundred fans. But, U.S. college football attracts 60+ thousand fans. I don't think they have stadiums that big in Canada. The SkyDome in Toronto only fits about 55000 people.

While I was having sex with Mark, to get off, I fantasized about normal vanilla sex.

Mixed day.

I was supposed to go to the Mariners game with Bruce and L, but John the fireman called me, and started presuring me to make longer terms plans with thim. Rather than jerk him around, I decided that I had to tell him how I felt. So we had dinner together. While we were driving back he grabbed my hand. I sighed. He looked at me and asked "what? I fumbled for words for a few seconds and then said "This is the let's just be friends speach." We didn't talk about it much more than that. He thanked me for my honesty. We changed the converstation and started talking about obscure bands.

Master Mark emailed me today. He apologized for letting Master Sean abuse me so roughly and told me he wanted to hook up again. I agreed. I just got the following...

"You will deliver yourself to my house at 10am tomorrow morning. You will go up into the back yard and enter through the back door. Go downstairs, strip to the waist, and kneel down facing the weight bench. Put your hands on your head. You will be wearing a jock, tight jeans (same ones as before), and a tight tee shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Bring with you a jacket and sweatshirt and anything you need for overnight. Make sure your ass is clean, boy. You will only touch your penis to urinate or shower. No ejaculations. Bring with you a six pack of whatever kind of beer you like. SIR."

Quiet day. I rearranged my office. While I was doing so, I had a good talk with my manager about how to arrange your office to make it easier to goof off. If you point the back of your monitor to the door, when people walk by they can't see your screen. This makes it easier to surf the web unobserved.

My office is low goof off. You can see the screen when you walk by the door.

I had lunch with Ryan and Jen. We went to Dixies BBQ. I love Dixies. It's a crappy hole in the wall that serves the best BBQ west of the Cascades. They serve a hot sauce called "The Man" A few drops of The Man is enough to make a beef briskit sandwich unbearably hot.

While we were having lunch Ryan told us that he might be offered a great job in Florida. Jen didn't say much, but kind of looked at me and smiled.

I got another mention on tommy's site. He's really inflating my ego. Thank you very much Tommy. You are a good man. Air travel is cheap right now. Maybe I should visit.

I got an email from another reader... "I think it's fun to read stuff from you kids who are still having fun and going thru the trials of dating. Cracks me up! I'm 32, settled down with my partner, step-son, a home, and a dog."

I'm 31. ;-)

I'd guess that he hasn't been in his relationship for more than 2 years-- maybe even less than 1. He's too comfortable, the glow hasn't warn off. As Tina said in Flirting with Disaster "Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?"

I got a rather cryptic message from Harry. Harry hasn't called me in about two weeks. He emails a few times a week. A few days ago Harry forwarded me a joke. I wrote back...
> Hey.
> Thanks for the joke.
> Things going good with you?

Tonight Harry wrote back...
> I don't know. I am just taking it day by day..
> Talk soon Harry

I can't tell if he's depressed, or trying to avoid me.

There we go. I've given my blog a new look. It's been one year since I've moved my journal to the web. The first post was actually October 12th, 2000. Reading the entries from October 2000 shows me how little I've learnt and grown in the past year. Sigh.

I'm getting more regular readers too. Which is kind of weird, kind of fun. It forces me to write more clearly. Just a reminder-- to protect the privacy of everyone in my blog, I've changed all the names. Also, it lets me be more honest. I'm not going to hide something if I don't think it's going to make it's way back to me.

Not much important happened today. At work, through a freak co-incidence, I managed to look like a genius. Earlier on, I was researching an obscure feature in our software. Now, one of our customers was having problems with our product. No one could understand why their software was acting weird. But, I took look one look at the problem and knew exactly what was wrong; the obscure feature was turned on. Any other day and I would have been as lost as everyone else. Hell, one month from now I'll forget how the obscure feature works. But today, I looked like a genius.

I ran into Chris at the cafeteria. Later on I told Bruce I saw Chris, so he headed over to say hi. For Bruce, my office is on the way to Chris's so I see Bruce ever time he hunts Chris down. I can't tell what Bruce feels for Chris. He says hi to him enough. But, he tells me he's not really in love. In addition, Bruce has a date with another guy tonight. Oh well.

I got tested for HIV tonight. I get the results in about a week. I'm not worried about it. I play safe.

Other than that, I just took the evening off. Not working out tonight-- I'm going to let the needle prick in my arm heal for a day.

Tueday, went to work. Took a course. Bruce dropped by my office while I was away. Chris was filming something in the building next to me, so he wanted to drag me over and watch.

Bruce and I talked in the afternoon. We agreed to get together for dinner at my place. So, when I got home, I made some stew, and we chatted about the BF situation. We are both seeing guys who are good men but the chemistry isn't there. It's a hard situation. You know that if you stuck things out, you'd be proud to build a life with him. But, one day, that special man would catch your eye, and you'd leave the BF behind.

I've also been obsessing over Harry, although I didn't tell Bruce that. I feel I have no right to whine about Harry since he's in a relationship. But, man-o-man, have I got a crush on him. I called him on Monday and left a message. He emailed back and said he might call me on Tuesday. But, he didn't. It's driving me squirlly. I want to be with him so badly. I want to talk to him every day. This time I'm not going to let bad timing keep us apart. That is assuming he's as close to ending it with the BF as he says he is. Part of me thinks that he just says bad things about the BF just to string me along. I don't think he's that kind of player though. He might just think it's not appropriate to talk to me very often while he's still with his BF.

I don't know. I wish things were simple.

I played hockey tonight. It was our first game of the winter season. We lost 5-2. Our big problem is lack of cardio. We also picked up a few new players. They are good, but we still must get comfortable with each others style. For example, one of the new D's is used to playing one minute shifts. On our team we play two minute shifts. As a resultt, he didn't pace him self right and tired out fairly quickly.

I would like to switch to one minute shifts though. I'll work on the rest of the D squad and get them to agree.

Went to work today. In the morning I unpacked my stuff in my new office. Had lunch with Bruce and his friend Chris. We made plans for the evening to go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It was a good movie. I think Chris loved it.

Chris really has a crush on Bruce. Chirs was always gushing over Bruce and trying to touch Bruce. I made a couple of jokes about being their chaperon. I don't think Bruce has strong feelings for Chris though. He probably likes Chris-- Chris is an attractive, interesting man. But, I don't think the chemistry is there. Oh well.

Sunday was a relaxing day. Didn't do much during the day. Ate lunch. Did laundry. I had my first hockey practice for the 2001/2002 season. It was an ok pratice. I've got a blister on my foot now. I guess I lost my hockey caluses over the past month.

After practice, I went out and had beer with Bruce. Brian was there, but we didn't do much more than say hi to each other.

Bruce and I chatted about work, Celluloid Loop (A local TV show he produces) and boy friends. We were trying to figure out where John and I are going. John is a nice guy, but at the end of the day I wouldn't feel bad if he stopped returing my calls. On top of it all, Harry is looming on the horizon. I don't think I can honestly commit to anyone until I know if Harry and I are getting together. Of course Harry may take another month or two to break up with his BF. Even then he might not want to date me.

I've had a fun couple of days. I had Friday off because my division is moving to another building. Friday morning, John, the Fireman called me up to chat and to see if I wanted to do something. On the spur of the moment, we decided to go to Orcas Island Orcas island is about 2 hours away from Seattle-- one-hour drive, one-hour ferry ride.

We figured since we were leaving during the day on Friday, after tourist season, things would be quiet. That was wrong. Even though we arrived for the ferry 30 minutes early, it was full. We had to wait another two and half hours before we could get on. While we were waiting, we started calling dozens of different hotels on Orcas to try and find a place. Most of them were booked. We finally lucked out and found a one bedroom cottage on the ocean. I wish we had planned a bit in advance. It would have been fun to stay longer than one day. The view was incredible

Friday night we had dinner at the Orcas Wine Co. I highly recommend it. The food was excellent.

Friday night was the first time I slept with or had sex with John. We talked a bit about it. He mentioned that at first he wasn't sure I was attracted to him. I told him that I wanted to get to know him better, but it definitely wasn't love at first site.

In bed John kind of surprised me. He's another one of those men that just that wants to rough me up and rape me. He apologized for it later. He said he was very controlling and rough in bed. If he ever got too intense for me then I should tell him. He would slow down.

I'm trying to figure out why I attract these mega-aggressive men. It's all right being roughed up in bed, but I think I prefer something more normal. What's kind of funny is that my friend Bruce wants, needs, to be roughed up in bed. But he can't find it. He's seeing a counselor because it's hard for him to get off unless he's being beaten up.

On the flip side, I've met 3 guys in the past 3 months who just want me to lie there and take their abuse. On one hand, it is kind of hot just submitting completely to a man. But, it's even hotter to have a man please you while you please him.

I haven't told Bruce about these men.

I find it hard to relate to a man when you know he's going slap you around a bit in bed. John doesn't seem to have the problem. The rest of the day, he was very kind and sweet to me. He got out of bed early and brought me breakfast.

When we checked out of the cottage, the owner said he didn't take Visa. We didn't have a cheque on us, nor enough cash. So the owner said. "Don't worry, just mail me a cheque next week." That attitude summarizes Orcas Island. Very laid back. Very calm. Very trusting.

I liked it so much that I'm going to give it a plug. If you ever want to spend some time on a quiet island, go to Orcas Island, and stay at the Bayside Cottages.

Saturday John and I hiked up Mt. Constitution. More beautiful views at the top. We think it was about a 6-mile hike. 3 up, 3 down.

We had lunch at an Italian restaurant. I forget the name. Good pizza though.

After dinner, we took the ferry back to the mainland and drove to meet some of John's friends; Debbie, Jason and Carl. They also live right on the ocean. They were expecting us, so they put a crab pot out in the ocean. At dusk Jason and Carl went out to retrieve the crab pot. It took them a long time; it was hard to find the crab pot in the dark, plus the ocean was choppy. After about an hour they returned with 5 crabs.

Later on Jason admitted that he couldn't find his crab pot, so he raided a neighbours.

We had a bonfire on the beach, and cooked the crab right there. It was fun and I learnt how to clean crabs.

We chatted till about midnight and then headed for home. John dropped me off. I'll give him a call today and thank him.

Tonight, Bruce and I went out to Pioneer Square. We stopped at the Central, and at J.M's. Pioneer Square is the big entertainment district in Seattle. A number of big bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam Played there before they were famous.

The bands we listened to were very good; although both of them were cover bands. They certainly had the crowd dancing.

About half way through the night, we ran into Keith. Bruce told me that once he was dating a guy, Eric, and that Keith ruined things between Eric and he. Eric fell in love with Keith and didn't want to keep dating Bruce. But, Keith is fairly young and immature. So Keith ended up jerking Eric around.

So, Bruce and I chatted the night away. He told me about his latest problems. I told him about mine. At one point he turned and accidentally elbowed a women in her breast. Bruce apoligized and they both laughed about it. The women hugged Bruce and then left.

Today they released pictures of the hijackers. It strikes me how normal and ordinary they looked. No face of evil here. Just average Joe's doing what they felt was right. How can anyone live in the USA for years without developing enough doubt to decide they shouldn't fly kamikaze into a building. Maybe some of them did. Maybe there are another 19 hijacker wanna-be's walking around who backed out at the last minute.

I wonder how Hollywood will evil-ify them for the inevitable movie.

At work we've started calling the attacks on NYC and Washington, "AOA"; "Attack on America". Problems related to the AOA are AOA issues. We had a number of customers in the WTC who are now experiencing AOA issues. Let me remove the business speak. Hundreds of people in the WTC were running my software. They are now dead. Their computers are now rubble. Their companies and co-workers are desperately trying to recover from the loss of their skilled employees and the information on their computers. We're hand holding them as much as we can however at the end of the day they loose. They know they've lost. They know there is nothing they can do but pray it doesn't happen again. They can't even take time to grieve. Now, more than ever, people need to know that their insurance policy still means something, that they can still withdraw money from their bank account. To do that we had to restore their services, to replace their dead, as fast as possible.

Part of my work training is to constantly ask "How can we prevent this problem from happening again?" I don't ask that now.

My whole brain seams to have changed lately. I'm not thinking about sex as much as I used to. I wonder if my bout of giardia is related? Did I just have a sex habit and being sick for a week broke me of it? Am I still a little bit sick?

Health issues aside, it's convienent. I no longer spend hours on line looking to meet someone. I don't really care about going out to the bars. I am more productive at work. I now have extra time to read. If it wasn't for that nagging doubt about my health, I'd be happier this way.

Nothing much today. Went to work. Came home. Worked out. Made dinner, cleaned the house, read a bit. Updated my blog.

I've been listening to random channels on MP3.com. Its kind of fun. Sometimes you stumble onto a great obscure band. Sometimes you run into complete crap. Most of it is mediorcre. The best part of it is that I haven't heard most of the songs before. I'll take one listen of a mediorce song over dozens of one that's above average.

Last night I had dinner at Brian's. Work isn't going well for him. Yesterday he indirectly caused a huge explosion that created about $100,000 of damage. Central Control gave him bad instructions on cross connecting two power circuites (Brian is a lineman for a power company) When he followed the instructions, things short circuited.

He's depressed about it. It wasn't his fault. But he's annoyed that the company he works for now doesn't have the equipment and procedures to prevent that kind of mistake.

It was a beautiful day today so I went kayaking on Lake Washington. I left from Coulon Point, paddled over to Mercer Island, ate lunch there and then paddled back.

When I got back, I was tired so I took a nap.

In the evening, Colin came over for dinner. I think he's got a crush on me. He asked me if I'm ever nervous around him. I said no. He told me that sometimes he's nervous around me.

On a slightly related note, since last weekend, since I've recovered from being sick, my sex drive is much lower. I used to have hard-ons all the time. But this past week, I haven't jerked off at all and I never have morning wood. Maybe I'm still not fully healthy. I feel ok, although I am a bit more tired than normal. I don't drink coffee like I did before I was sick. Maybe my system isn't used to being awake without a pick me up.

I'll give it another couple of weeks, and then go see my doctor. On the flip side, it's kind of nice not being lead around by my dick. I'm much more productive at work. I'm finishing off house errands. If I knew it wasn't anything to worry about then I'd be happy with my new libido.

Yesterday, I had a great day with Bruce.

Bruce, L and I started off having breakfast at Van's. After breakfast L had to leave. His car (a 20 year old Z) is having blinker switch problems. He had to go and beg the only mechanic for 50 miles with the parts for the Z, to fix it on a Saturday

Bruce and I decided to go to Mt. Reineer.

First we stoped off at work. When we got there, there was a fire alarm. One of the computers caught on fire. The whole building smelt of burnt plastic and gave you a headache if you stayed inside too long.

We finally got to Mt. Reineer at about 2pm. We hiked around water falls, and across rivers. We drove all the way to Paradise and had lunch there. Then drove on and hiked around the Box Canyon. The Box Canyon is kind of neat. It's not a canyon like the Grand Canyon. It's only about 10 feet wide, but over a hunded feet deep.

After we left the mountain we had dinner at the Naches Tavern-- this little tavern in the middle of no where but the entrace to the park. We drove back to Redmond. Had coffee at Victors and some beer at the Celtic Bayou.

One of the guys at worked died. He looked healthy as a horse. He bicycled to and from work every day. Then, when he got home, he collapsed. His wife was there, but she couldn't revive him.

I didn't know him that well. A a number of the people I work with had worked closely with him and knew his family.

I talked to Colin today. We were supposed to get together for dinner, but a work problem flaired up and he has to stay. So, now I'm hanging around the house. I worked out. I'm a bit tired. It will be an early night tonight.

I talked to Harry today. He's pissed at his BF. He and his BF rarely go out and do things together, yet today his BF is at the Mariners game. In addition, Harry works at Boeing-- yesterday Boeing announced that due to terrorism demand for jets has plumeted. Over the next year, Boeing will lay off tens of thousands of people. It was big news, but the BF never mentioned a thing to Harry.

He also mentioned he might drop a bomb shell on his BF sometime in the next couple of weeks. He didn't mention what the bomb shell would be, but it's not hard to guess.

After work I went hiking with John the fireman. John is in the airforce reserves so he expects to be called up any day. We hiked around Tiger Mountain, Tradition Lake and the swamp trail. Afterwards we had dinner at the Issaquah Brewery.

At work I'm sort of transitioning to another group. The official purpose is to help the other group with their backlog. The real purposes are... one, ensure they are using proper engineering techniques and to teach them if not, and two, if they have any cool tricks or skills, learn about them and bring them back to my group. It's only for 3 days a week but that might change. The other group has technology that will be around longer than mine, so I'm doing it to make sure my career stays on track.

I went to the doctor yesterday. For the past week I've been tired and have had to use the washroom very often. It turns out I've got giardia. A week ago, when I went hiking with Colin, I drank some water from a river. I guess at that time I picked up some giardia protozoa. Let that be a lesson on drinking untreated water.

It's not serious. I'm on an antibiotic and I'm feeling much better already.

I talked to Harry yesterday. When I told him about my giardia, he laughed and told me his story. A while before he called, he meant to fart, but some diarrhea squirted out. At first he hoped it was just a warm wet fart but after some investigation, that hope was dashed.

He went to the washroom, cleaned up, flushed his undies down the toilet and pulled out his shirt to try and hide the wet spot.

He said he's nervous lately. He doesn't know what to do with the BF. Harry loves the BF but is not happy. He's been drinking a bit more to try and calm things. It sounds like he and the BF have been arguing about small things. They went to the Puyallup Fair. Harry wanted to go on some of the rides, but the BF and his friends didn't. He called the BF "a stick in the mud," I can't tell if he did so in jest or out of frustration.

I have to stop dwelling over Harry. It's weird. If I fantasize about him, it's not a raw-fucking-sex fantasy. I think of simpling things like touching him, or kissing him-- just being with him.

I didn't do much all weekend. I watched Hannibal and Cast Way. Both are not bad.

The weather is starting to turn. Sunday and today are cloudy and rainy. The forcast says partially cloudy for for the next few days. After that it's a lot of rain. We had a good summer this year. I'll miss it.