Last night I went out for dinner with L. We went through the usual routine... Siam's on Broadway followed by coffee at the Starbucks. The Stranger, a local free newspaper, has been running Masturbation Horror Stories The barista at Starbucks was more than happy to talk about the stories with us.

I also went to the Cuff. I net a nice guy there, Dan. I gave him my number and asked him to call if he wants to have dinner sometime. We'll see what happens.

Later on I went to the Eagle. I ran into Brian there. At about 1:30am I left, and Brian asked me to drive him home since he was drinking too much. I figured he'd hit me up to go sleep with him, but I drove him anyway. Well, I drove him home. I refused to go to bed with him. We talked and argued about it, in his drive way, for about 30 minutes. He wouldn't get out of my truck, so I started to drive him back to his truck. That's when we really started shout at each other. I never realized how much I hurt him. Sometimes I was passive aggressive about our relationship problems. I could never get him to change (tone down his temper) so I just put up and shut up. When that came up in our argument, he started shouting, half crying, half angry, "You never told me that. You never talked to me. You never gave me a chance." Until then I always viewed the problems between Brian and I as Brian's fault. I never thought about my own guilt.

By about 3am, we stopped arguing and made up. I slept alone last night. I don't want to get back together with Brian. I've got a crush on someone else right now, and until that's resolved I can't honestly try to build a relationship with anyone.

Over breakfast I talked about this with Bruce and Chris. Chris had day surgery yesterday. Nothing serious, Right now he is on pain killers and is pleasantly stoned. When Chris heard what I said about Brian, he got kind of emotional and said he might start to cry. So, we switched the subject and started talking about skiing.