I've sorted out some of the confusion with my mothers medical information. The diagnostics center and her doctor are in two different hospital systems. These two systems don't always know how to share information. After many phone calls to each I found someone who was able to stitch things together. Now we should have a follow up appointment next week where we can get some answers.

My parents are the kind of folks who, when company is coming, will start brewing a pot of coffee an hour ahead of time, so it will be ready, nice and hot when the company arrives.

My brother and parents are off to Ottawa today. Dad has a followup appointment from yesterday's cataract surgery. They also want to do some shopping.

My sister-in-law and I are staying back. Aside from my regular work, I am also following up on mom's doctor's appointment. 

And we are cleaning and purging. 

We've found much old food that needs to go. Spices and canned food that are ten years old. At first I was worried they were eating the old food. However, that is not happening. There are maybe three shelves of food in the fridge that they use regularly. That's all fresh and new. Everything else-- they have a pantry, a second fridge and a large stand-alone freezer-- is ignored. That food ages in place.

I am visiting my parents in eastern Ontario. My brother and his wife are here as well.

Some background info-- my mother believes she is a healthy independent woman. She doesn't know that she can't remember what happened more than 10 minutes ago. She becomes angry quickly should she be surprised by information that she is not healthy. Conversations about her car or health have to happen behind her back.

On our first evening here, we were all outside chatting. At some point my mother went inside to use the washroom. While she was absent, my father told us that mom has a tumor on her lung. She has received 8 shots of radiation to treat it. 

That was heavy and a big surprise. I'm sure dad didn't tell us because he didn't want to upset mom. I wish he would have told us long ago. I'm sure he didn't because mom would have been angry should he have shared that info with us.

Mom looks healthy. Perhaps a bit more thin than last time. She does not look like she has been receiving radiation treatment.

Unfortunately dad doesn't know any more information about the tumor than that. He doesn't know the type. The prognosis. 

Dad did have a call scheduled with the Doctor for today. Dad couldn't attend the call because he also had cataract surgery today. (Cataract Surgery! Another surprise) I took the call but didn't learn much. The doctor didn't have a recent CT scan. Either my parents forgot to get mom scanned again, or the scan has not yet made it to the doctor. Another call must be scheduled

C2 and I had dinner with Clem and Bates. They are retired now and enjoying the time. Though, Bates mentioned that he has spent about half of his life savings in the past year. He must dial that back.

Clem and Bates both have healthy pensions. Blowing through life savings won't be as much of a crises for them as for most people.

They have also gone soft on leaving Seattle. Preretirement they considered selling their house and moving somewhere more affordable. Now they realize that they like Seattle. They enjoy traveling somewhere else for a few weeks, but then they are ready to return home. Sometimes it's nice to spend a few weeks close to family. It's also good to leave.

I stepped in it a little with C2. C2 and I frequently have dinner together on Tuesday. When Clem and Bates invited me to dinner on Tuesday. I texted C2 "Tuesday schedule... drinks with C&B at Diesel at 6pm. Dinner at LS at 7:15" He did not like the direct approach I took with the text. I do not order him around. We are friends. I need to ask.

I apologized. He got over it quickly.

Our weather is finally pleasant. The longest day of the year is almost here.

Saturday we visited the mother-in-law at here home. She is doing well though she quickly becomes tired.

Saturday evening we had dinner and a game night with some of our AA friends. It was fun. 

One of our dinner guests spent the night. He drove two hours to visit us. Rather than having him drive two hours back, he crashed in our spare bedroom. The next morning we had breakfast together and went for a local hike. Then he drove back to his home.

This experience led the husband and I to have some good conversations about our relationship. Sometimes I have problems connecting to people in the program. When that happens I'm prone to pulling up my cell phone and tuning out.  

The husband gets it that I may not want to build a relationship with everyone in the program. Instead of tuning out, he asked me to make other plans or do my own thing. I don't have to hang out with him just because he has an AA event.

We decided to coordinate our social lives a little more. Perhaps I'll visit my friends the same night he visits his AA friends instead of both of us visiting my friends one night and both of us visiting his friends the second. 

My mother is an interesting challenge. She has short term memory problems. She can't remember things that happened more than about ten minutes ago. Despite that, she is surprisingly with it. She tells stories, play games, holds her part of a conversation. Here is challenge-- when she forgets where she is and what's happening, she confabulates. She makes up something and runs with it. She doesn't even realize she's doing it.

Example-- suppose we go out for dinner at a restaurant. At some point mom will need to use the restroom. Nothing unusual about that. By the time mom has finished in with the restroom, she'll have forgot where she was sitting and who she is with. She'll just wander off. We could loose her unless we watch the bathroom door.

Another example. Mom and dad are at home. Dad goes out to do some chores. After a while mom will forget this. Perhaps she'll decide that dad is getting their truck ready. She'll get dressed to go out, then wait by the garage or him. Or perhaps she'll wander around to try and find him.

All by the way of saying, someone needs to be there for mom all the time. This is tricky as Mom is an independent woman. She will figure out when she's being watched and will become angry if you imply she can't be alone. 

Dad needs to run a few errands while I am in town. He is having cataract surgery. Practically mom can't join him, nor can she be left alone for the day. So we tell her little white lies. Dad 'needs' her to stay at home because there will be an important call about her scans.  I will work from their home for that day just because I enjoy it there.

Today I received my new U.S. passport. Earlier this week I got my voter registration card. All I need know is to be summoned to jury duty and I'll have experienced all my new American privileges. 

Except serving my country if called upon by Congress. I can pass on that.

At the end of the month I'll travel to Canada to visit my parents. I'll workcation there for a week. My brothers will also be there. A good family visit.

The mother-in-law is doing better. She may get out of the hospital today.

"I felt a calling to be a sex therapist and relationship councilor."

Last night we had dinner with another couple that we know. They are a good couple. Over the course of the evening, the topic of second careers and retirement came up. What should we do to bring meaning to our lives? One of this couple was formerly in the tech industry. For years he has been transitioning to sex therapy and relationship counseling-- getting his masters degree and the required other trainings. 

I am sometimes envious of those with callings. I've never had a calling. I have some skills that are lucrative-- mathematics, software engineering, organizational behavior. And I have sold those skills for a good chunk of change. But I don't feel called to do so.

Very long ago I read that the quest for a calling can be dangerous (The Pleasures and Sorry of Work by Alain De Botton) People will cast their lives about looking for a calling, jumping from job to job. Really there is no choice you can make that will eliminate uncertainty or failure. You have to tackle every day with all your energy, never really knowing what the future may bring. The quest for a calling can a be an crutch to justify not engaging deeply with life.

But then there are those who do find a calling. 

Now-- a calling to be a sex therapist. I wanted to deeply dig into that one. I didn't do so. I felt like it would be too easy for that conversation to go off into the weeds. Would my questions come across as mocking? Would the husband feel comfortable listening to me asking many questions of another man who is comfortable talking about sex? Would I want to listen to my husband asking those same questions? As gay men we get to push the limits of behavior in polite company. 

Perhaps my calling is to be the Miss Manners for a sexually progressive crowd. What is proper etiquette when your hosts show you their workshop/sex-play-room and you don't want to encourage any sexual advances, yet you don't want to come across as disapproving?

 

The mother-in-law will be in the hospital for at least another week. She is in pain, but able to move around. Her temper is flaring. Yesterday while the husband was visiting her, she lashed out at him. The husband left her and returned home. He saw no point in bearing the brunt of her anger.

This morning they talked over the phone. While she is still in pain, she is not taking it out on the husband.

At work, the great designation has hit me. One of my leads wants to work on a project that's very important to him. It will take him away from his day-job for about eight months. He knows he can't arrange a leave of absence for that long, so he is resigning.

I can't tell how much of that is a story and how much is true. Even under the best of conditions, it's ballsy to leave a good job.

Of course a low risk procedure is not a no-risk procedure. My mother-in-law's lung collapsed after the procedure. She is OK and not in pain.

Weather something like summer has finally started in the Pacific North West. It's still cool and rainy. However it doesn't feel like we are stuck in April. Trees are full of leaves. Flowers are in bloom.

We spent part of the weekend power-washing around the house-- the drive way, decks, walk way, chairs used for the back yard. Things look nice now. 

The mother-in-law is having a medical procedure done today. This is to help her breathing. She has COPD and is on oxygen twenty four hours a day.

Even though procedure is low risk, she will spend the next three days in the hospital. If something goes wrong the doctors must respond quickly. The husband has warned me that his schedule will be janky over the next few days. He doesn't know if his mother will need his help or if the hospital will even allow that. 

We are back home. We originally planned to return on Sunday, however is was raining hard today. So we thought we'd drive home in the rain, rather than hang around the rental and watch movies.

Today is C4 & QJ's memorial day party. Usually it's a wonderful event. Today it may be cold and rainy. We will go anyways even if it's just to catch up with everyone. QJ & C4 are *very* social. There will be many people at the party that we rarely see. In all fairness, most of these people are the party crowd. None the less, there are always a few more quiet and interesting folks there.

My blog seems to be turning into a set of short random blurbs. I'm not really writing anything in depth.

In all fairness, this blog is mostly here to help me remember my life, not to be an in depth depot for my writings. None the less, when I look over the few bloggers that I regularly read, what they offer is more in-depth, hearth felt, poetic.

The husband and I are still on the Oregon coast. I enjoy working here, but my days are hectic. The great resignation has hit our company. There is a lot scrambling to cover a few key people who have left. I do what I can, but the constant context switching frazzles me.

It is gorgeous here. I love looking up from my laptop and taking in the ocean. If you look at the waterline in the following picture, you see people-- they are surfers! I am surprised that Oregon has surfers. They water is cold. They must all wear wet suits. 

The dog loves it here too. She gets the zoomies when we walk down to the beach. 

We are workationing for the week along the northern Oregon coast. The husband has business in Portland. I can work from anywhere, so we thought we'd try it out to see what it would be like to live there.

We could buy a nice house here for about half the price of Seattle. Restaurant meals are maybe a third less. There is no sales tax in Oregon. 

Our big problem would be the lack of social life. Most properties here are vacation rentals or weekend cottages. This part of the coast shuts down and clears out from the fall to the spring. During the summer it's almost all tourists.

We had a quick trip to Sacramento. 

Last winter, the husband's uncle died. Finally, this past Sunday the family was able to host his celebration-of-life.

The husband was able to work from Sacramento the week before, so I joined him on Thursday. We spent the weekend there. This was the first time that we've been there without needing to spend time with 

The stock market has been crazy bad. Last night at dinner, C3, who has always been an aggressive day trader, told me that he is out of the market. He had to do so for his own sanity.

The market crash is shaking up some coworkers. They are used to a rising stock price to fatten their take home pay. I'm wondering how this will play out. I've heard rumors that the hitech job market is tightening up. We shall see.

I've been through market bursts before, so I personally don't feel so bad. It's difficult to be patient, but that is what's necessary.

We've been back in Seattle for a few days now. 

The husband has flown off to California for work. He has started traveling frequently as business reopens. He'll be flying again next week.

Tuesday, I had dinner with C3. He's got a job! We talked about it. He said didn't put a lot of energy into finding a job. He has been toying with retirement. His experience over the past few months has led him to the conclusion that he is not ready to retire. 

This job is good enough for now. It pays a decent salary. It will occupy his time with something productive. In six months, he can change his plan.

> Which island are you staying on? Ava and I are thinking of staying on the big island because she is all about the outdoors and less likely to enjoy the touristy beaches or say still.

We are staying in Honolulu on Oahu. Oahu is a busy island and is the center of Hawaii's business and military.

The big island is a great choice if you want to be more outdoors. So is Kauai. At work, over lunch, we discussed the different Hawaiian islands. We concluded that if you want to hike or camp then Kauai is the best island. Maui and the big island are tied for a close for 2nd.

So much of that judgement depends on specifics. The big island has active volcanoes. For some that's a big attraction. For others it's a reason to stay away.

Maui has the best undeveloped beaches. Big & little Makena beach in particular. Also Black Sand Beach near Hana

The Kauai coast has fewer beaches and more cliffs. It's fun hiking along the cliffs. 

 

In Hawaii we are up early owing to jet lag. We are not alone.

This morning I wanted to have good coffee. I walked to a coffee shop. Hugh line. The picture is the lineup at the coffee shop just before it has opened at 6am. 

So I thought "This early, there most be a coffee shop nearby that doesn't have a long line." I looked a few up and went for a walk.

No. No there are not. Three other coffee shops near me all had similar lines.

I've been working 6:30 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. This gives me a few afternoon hours to enjoy the beach.

We are in Hawaii for the week. The husband has business here and I found a cheap flight.

I will be working as well. With the time difference, I think I can end my day by 3pm, then do a little beaching.

Sunday, we hiked up to Diamond Head crater.