The brother-in-law has left our house. For months he had our house-key. The husband asked for and got it back.

The brother-in-law is here. He is drunk. The husband and he are having some kind of conversation. The kind of conversation where the sober patiently listen to the inebriated. 

It is exhausting.

Earlier the husband and I had a small argument. We can't be his detox. We can't pick the brother-in-law up every time he goes off the rails. The brother-in-law has had major alcoholic meltdowns at least eight times. And I stress the major-- week long benders that have destroyed his jobs, his health, his relationships. 

The husband loves his brother so much. It will be difficult for him to let go.

The snow left quickly. We've had rains for the last few days.

The brother-in-law has not called the husband in the last three days. The husband is worrying about him. He is almost at the point where he wants to drive to the brother-in-law's apartment to check if he is still alive.

We are having a big dump of snow-- about eight inches in the past day. Maybe another two in the next.

It feels good to have a snow day. Even with COVID. Even though it's the weekend. If I want to curl up on the sofa with the husband and just play games, then so be it. The outside is pretty, but not easier to walk or drive though.

One of the symptoms of meth use is that self-doubt goes away. Paranoia takes over. When a meth users looses their keys they start to think "Someone is breaking into my house and stealing my things." When a meth user becomes confused by a smart-phone glitch they start to think they have been hacked.

The brother-in-law has started down that path. He misconfigured his phone. It must be a hack. He doesn't understand the messages on his home router. That must be hacked too. 

All this scaring the husband. Meth is such a horrible drug. The brother-in-law is going to burn his life up again. All we can do is stand back and watch it happen.

Life returns to the routine. Post reorg, my job is busy, but we are making progress. The husband is adjusting to his new job as well. He has been studying and taking tests for the past two weeks. It stresses him out, but he is making progress.

My father is having knee surgery half way through March. It's been a year and a half since I've visited my parents, so I plan on making the trip. Of course since my parents live in Canada and we are in a pandemic, things will be complicated. Canada is much more strict with its COVID plans.

I'll fly to Toronto, get a COVID test and then and quarantine in Toronto for two weeks. I've rented a nice AirB&B near friends. It should have good wifi, so I can work while I quarantine.

After quarantine, I'll drive up to my parents and spend two weeks with them. 

The situation is changing fast. There is talk of requiring the quarantine period to be in government approved hotel. Canada has a habit of making the rules first, and then figuring out the implementation later. So, the interpretations of the latest restrictions change day by day.

1. The work week ended well. Far better than it could have. My boss, my team and I came up with a plan. Now we have to execute on it.

2. C2 was in town for the weekend. Two months ago he had asymptomatic COVID. He is now over it, so he is much more comfortable traveling. He visited his father-- in the same room with a mask. He has prickly relations with his sister and his step mom. No visits there. His step mom was angry at the masked visit with his father. She is uncomfortable with him because he had COVID.

3. I'm trying to make a plan for me reading. Mostly I choose my books based on whats interesting to me, and whats available at the local library. Right now I'm getting the urge to focus on one topic. Not sure what it is yet. 

My boss is a chaos junkie. He is a very wise man. Very hard working. Is great with people. And he doesn't think twice about throwing a wrench into the plan. It can be very frustrating at times. 

I see that part of my job now is to draw these impulses out of him as far in advance as possible, collect them all into one document, polish them up, and make it look to the team like we know what we are doing; not just suddenly shifting from left to right.

1. My brother is basically over COVID. He is more tired than he used to be, but is back to work.

2. We are settling into January. The holidays are over. Work has started in full force again. Back into the groove. Saturday, we took a long walk with the brother-in-law along the water front. It was good to get out of the house.

The brother-in-law is struggling. He is working hard to recover from his last alcoholic meltdown. The circumstances don't help. 

3. The husbands birthday is coming up. He always says he doesn't want something special. He is always greatly appreciative of something special. 

My brother and his wife have covid. For a week now they've had bad cold symptoms plus joint and muscle pain. He says they have had a few shitty days, but are starting to improve.

1. We spent the past few days resting. The husband is still blue from the death of his father. As it should be. He is finding strength in his AA meetings.

2. I have a frozen shoulder. "What is a frozen shoulder?" you ask. I injured my shoulder sometime back in the fall. Probably slept on it wrong. Rather than stretching it and moving it regularly, I just let it rest. As a result, the injured tendons became weak, scarred and tough. I lost my range of motion. 

Of course I didn't know that. I was just resting my shoulder, thinking it would heal. I went to the doctor yesterday to figure out what was going on. He quickly diagnosed it (It's a common injury) and prescribed physiotherapy.

Lesson to myself-- don't kick my health problems down the road. Understand them and make a plan.

We are back home. My father-in-laws estate has mostly been taken care of. His room at the retirement home is cleaned out. 

We spent some time with my mother-in-law. The husbands mother and father have been divorced for years, but they remain close. She is sad to see an old friend die.

This morning at 3am, we left Sacramento and drove back to Seattle. 3am is early, but if leave later, then we end up hitting traffic in Eugene, Portland, Olympia or Seattle.

I'm glad to be home. We are exhausted, but we can sleep in our own bed tonight. 

Happy New Years!

The days since my father-in-laws death have been straightforward. He was ninety years old and suffering for so long that the family is a bit relieved with his passing. He didn't die alone. He got to spend Christmas with his children. What more could anyone ask for?

We are spending a few more days in Sacramento. The husband and my brother-in-law are cleaning up my father-in-law's old room. That shouldn't take long. He didn't have much. 

Hopefully his will is straight forward. My mother-in-law is the executor. She sometimes sounds a little overwhelmed or confused by the task. There is a reason why people pay lawyers for this.

Last night, my father-in-law passed away.

My father-in-law went to the hospital about a week ago... the day before we returned from Hawaii. The hospital moved him to hospice a day later. He wasn't responding to changes in his medication. He decided to stop his medication, except a low dose of pain killers.

This is the third time my father-in-law has been to hospice. The previous times he just got better and was released. Even this time with each passing day he appeared to regain some health, to be in better spirits and to have a clearer head. As we planned to head back to Sacramento, we were wondering if he would just get better again.

We decided to drive down to Sacramento on Christmas day.  Christmas Eve, our roommate, my brother-in-law, the husband and I had a nice dinner and exchanged gifts. Then the brother-in-law, the husband and I went to bed early. We woke up at 3am and got on the road.

We arrived in Sacramento late afternoon. We checked into the hotel, had a small dinner with the mother-in-law and then headed over to the father-in-law. Previously the husband and the brother-in-law both tested negative for COVID, so the nurse let them spend time in the same room with their father.

They spent about an hour and a half together. It sounded like they had a good time. 

We went to bed. This morning at seven the mother-in-law called with the news-- that their father had passed away in the night. 

It will be a couple hours before the coroner removes the body. The husband and the brother-in-law are headed over to spend some last time with him.

1. Tommy and Bathwater bring good advice...

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/12/we-no-longer-need-to-engage-with-trumps-die-hard-supporters/617449/

2. We are back. And because life can never be simple... the husband's father is in the hospital. We are trying to figure out how to head down to California. 

So, what are we doing while America is in pandemic lockdown, after friends and acquaintances have had COVID? We flew to Hawaii for a week.

We are keeping this trip a low profile on Facebook. 

We had a rapid test done in Seattle. We flew the six hour flight with masks and a visor. Doing so was a uncomfortable, but not unbearable.

We visited a couple here who were friends from Seattle. They moved to the big island two years ago. 

The visit got the husband and i talking. We both love vacationing in Hawaii, but have no desire to move here. It's expensive. The heat is pleasant for a few days, but then i start to feel low energy. I feel most energized when it's in the 50s or 60s. The 80s slow me down.

1...

We filled out our holiday cards today. Maybe eight of them. It's a few hours of toil. It feels good to get it done.

Editing the address list always brings back memories. There were a few friends we haven't heard from in a while. Years really. It's a judgment call with these... who should we cut out? who should we try one more time? 

Sandy reappeared on our list after being cut out years ago. He's been reaching out again. It's good to hear from him.

One death on the list. One divorce. 

Four new people on the list. I like that we have new friends in the time a pandemic. 

2...

I called an old friend today for the first time since the pandemic began. I've known him for years-- maybe 25. He is from my old city, so the distance makes it difficult to stay in touch. 

While we were sharing this years disaster stories, he asked me some weird but serious questions about COVID (he had proof it was an escaped Chinese bio weapon), the election fraud (How bad was it that the the judicial system had turned down so much evidence) and the Antifa (How big are they? Am I far away enough from downtown Seattle that I'd be OK if they attacked.) I chose my words carefully. I didn't want to get into a deep debate on this. 

This did get me thinking though. Mentally, I still separate Trump supporters from Republicans who support Trump because he is the president. These Republicans may stay quiet on Trump theatrics for various personal reasons (lower taxes? abortion?) but, by and large they don't support his him as a person. 

Is that true? Does 45% of the country really believe the election was stolen? That COVID is a globalist conspiracy to take over the U.S? 

Either way, how should I engage people who radically disagree with me on not only on the facts and analysis, but the process chosen to determine what is a fact, what is evidence? Staying silent sounds like I tacitly agree. Confronting polarizes them and ends the conversation. Somehow I have to convey a loving and supportive doubt.  "Stay with me... I love you and I want to listen to you even though we disagree. I know this is the best you can do right now..."

A friend who is sometimes unclear on the concept...

1. Work has been busy for the husband and I this week.

2. The brother in law is applying for jobs. He has an interview for an Amazon warehouse role, and another interview as a support rep for an insurance company.

3. It's been cool and sunny here of late. I love this weather.

4. For the first time in my life I built my own PC and installed linux on it. Part of me did this because much of my work team is very anti Microsoft, anti Apple. I'm showing off to the cool kids at work, trying to get there respect.

Honestly, it took me about three weeks to build the PC. The first week it wouldn't even power up. The second week it would power up, but stop and blink all sorts of error lights. 

1. Friday I had a root canal. It went well. No pain now.

2. We feasted on Thanksgiving. Wednesday, the brother-in-law, H and the husband started prepping for dinner. Thursday they cooked it all up. I swear we had enough food for 12 people-- a cheese and veggie tray and deviled eggs to start, then turkey, candied yams, brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese. Pies, brownies and tarts for dessert. 

We did not need all that food. It am very thankful to be leaving this way, with good friend, in the middle of a pandemic. 

The husband has already bought and wrapped my Christmas gift. He is very thoughtful like that. My brain is more like... hmmm... the holidays are coming up... o yeah... Christmas... should I get gifts for people?... I hate shopping... 

I developed a toothache over the weekend. I'm about to head into the dentist to see what's going on. 

 

Wind and rain today. The gardener is having one last go at the back yard before winter sets in. We've removed the hanging plants. We've cleaned and refilled the hummingbird feeders-- some humming birds, Anna's, will stay here year around.

The state is locking things down again. Covid is spiking. We've started buying larger batches of grocers so we won't go to the store so often. H, our room mate, rushed to get one last workout in before her gym closed due to the lock down. 

The brother-in-law is sober now. Since he arrived, he's been sitting on the sofa. Sometimes watching TV. Mostly contemplating his life.

Why does he want to drink... why is he driven to drink, even when he is past the point where he has lost his job, where his drinking is causes serious health problems? Why does he need someone there to stop him from drinking more?

1. The brother-in-law got out of detox a few days and proceeded to start drinking again. Today he called the husband, asking for help.

The husband and H are responding to the call. They will pick up the brother in law and drive him back to our place.

I don't understand addiction. I've never had problems saying no to alcohol or drugs. And yet, I'm married to a man in AA. Many of my friends are also members. 

Perhaps I should attend Al Anon more regularly. 

2. The brother in law is here now. He is looking rough. He is drunk. 

 The time is going by. Work is intense by day.

Did I mention... the husband got a promotion. I'm happy for him. His work has ramped up as a result though. 

The brother in law is in a mental health center detoxing, being counseled. He is in good spirits and talks to the husband at least once a day. 

He seems to have these meltdowns every year or so. He has for as long as I've known him. It's my hope that this time he will be cured. Maybe we are expecting too much from him-- that this time he will stay sober. 

Maybe I have to accept that, from time to time, the brother in law will hit a low. All I can do is love him for who he is.

 

This pic was taken as the sun was rising. It gave everything a warm glow.

The night of the election I slept poorly. It talked to H about it. H is a friend who is a black woman. H said she slept well. Her opinion is that the election won't change things as much as I think. She is probably right. This is all a good reminder of the serenity prayer.

 1...

We are at peak fall now. The days are sunny. The leaves have changed colour and are starting to fall.

The brother in law has fallen off the wagon-- in a big way. The husband is struggling with this. He is angry at his brother and won't rescue him.

2...

The husband himself is doing well. He just got a great promotion at work. A new team and a substantial raise with it. 

3. Halloween was quiet. Two families dropped by. Last year over a dozen did. The city asked families to not trick or treat, so I'm not sure why these two families did.

We ate most of the Halloween candy. I loved it. 

3. The election... the election... will it be crazy. Will it be fine. Seattle has asked stores in protest zone to lock up well by end of business tomorrow. Some stores are boarding up.

The rest of Seattle... it's all good. We are having dinner with a few friends tomorrow to watch the results.

4. I just Ubered the Brother in Law to the hospital. He is unable to stop drinking. He asked the Husband for help. 

I had my first colonoscopy. It went well. Last week I had my eyes examined. The week before was my annual physical. I guess all my medical maintenance is done now. At least until next year. 

The weather has cooled off. I have much more energy at this time of the year. The cool is invigorating. As such I have started doing a two mile hikes on many mornings. During the week I have several morning meetings where I must pay attention but don't have to participate. I'll put my earbuds in and join the meeting on my cell phone. Then the dog and I will go for a nice hike. 

The husband is getting stir crazy and wants to travel. We have a couple of friends who have started traveling frequently. There are great deals right now. I am not as comfortable with flying as he is. But, I am also not going stir crazy. I wish he could find a great way to burn off his energy. 

The husband has been sober for six years. We celebrated yesterday. It was good to catch up with a couple of his AA friends. 

He takes his sobriety birthday very seriously. We got dress up. We want to a nice restaurant. 

I am happy for him. I am also lucky to have him. 

I am fasting this morning. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon. Nothing serious. I am just beginning the health checks for fifty year old's go through. They will do a blood test that requires a fast.

If you want to make time go slowly, fast and skip your morning coffee. I have become very productive to distract my self from the fast. 

 

Fall is here. As it happens every year, the spiders have returned. Or perhaps they never left. Whatever the truth is, spiders build large numbers webs in the fall in the Pacific North West. I am in our backyard reading and I count no less than six large webs around me, in the bushes, in the trees and on the deck.

I’m fine with them but they creep the husband and the roommate out. 

Spiders aside, I enjoy this weather. I can use a few hours of quiet contemplation. Spiders are good company.

The post man knocked on the door today. When I answered, he handed me my keys. Apparently I forgot them yesterday in the mailbox lock.

So lucky. I wasn't even aware that I lost my keys. 

 The someone got his tests back. He did not have coronavirus.

Fall has come quickly. It's windy out. It's raining. 

What is coronavirus exposure etiquette? The Husband was exposed to someone whose roommate tested positive for COVID.  The husband texted everyone he had recently been in contact with. On Friday, we should know if that someone tests positive for COVID.

I am personally not worried about being infected.

Things quiet down...

The rains have come and cleaned up the local forest fires. Our air is back to normal. I don't know if the same is true in Oregon and California.

My dad had his first knee surgery. It went well. I'll have his second in the coming months. I'm going to try and be there for him, though that means I will need to quarantine for a few weeks.

The husbands parents are doing well.

C2 was in town for the weekend. He too is moving his father to a retirement home. We talked about the challenges of aging parents. Of course he is facing it all with his typical grumpy/stoic attitude. 

Tommy commented... "I imagine it is worse, far worse than a lil hurricane...since it covers many miles in all directions and the Smell is ever present"

I'm not sure how to compare the smoke to a hurricane. The smoke won't damage your home. It's a slow, drawn out thing. For most of us, it's not life threatening. You just feel low energy all the time and develop a scratchy throat. 

A hurricane hits you hard. Then it's over and you can assess the damage and come up with a plan.

Next topic... I made vinegar. Back when we were in California, the father-in-law gave me a case of cheap wine. I didn't feel like drinking it, so I decided to make vinegar with it. It's not hard.

The first batch finished yesterday. And, it tastes like vinegar. Nothing special. Maybe a bit stronger than regular white wine vinegar.

I pickled a batch of green beans with it. We shall see how that turns out.

The smoke is crazy today. I lose my breath walking up a hill I could ordinarily jog up. I am looking forward to the rains.

 I spoke too soon about glorious weather. We had about a day of smoke from the fires in eastern Washington.

The brother-in-law has stopped his alcoholic bender. He is back to work. The husband spends a few evenings a week with him. It's good for both of them.

I've been planning out how to spend some time with my parents. Because they are in Canada, I will have to quarantine for 15 days before I can visit them as the law says you cant quarantine in a house with anyone over the age of 65. This means I will need to spend probably three weeks in Canada. Too long to take vacation. So I must work from Canada for a few weeks. 

I've found a place where I can stay for two weeks-- I have many friends in Ontario. Now I have to check in with the husband. I don't think he'll be able to work from remote from Canada for three weeks. 

Too much planning. 

I see the first hints of fall. The flowers are past their prime. Some of the trees are dry, leaves turning brown.

Our backyard has a bit of a natural sundial. The sun only clears the tallest trees during the longest days of summer. Now with the days growing shorter, our afternoon sunlight is filtered by leaves.

Still, the weather is glorious. Sunny. Warm. No hints of the Seattle rain just yet.

Sunday we arrived home. I felt my mood lift up as I got out of the car. In Sacramento the temperature was 100F. The air was thick with smoke from the fires. In the Pacific Northwest the air is clean and the temperature is around 72F. 

The husband is heading downtown to spend the afternoon with his brother. The brother is trying to stay sober and to keep things together. The husband desperately wants him to succeed. 

Of course the news and work is also weighing heavily on the husband. This morning he asked how I handled it? Do I just ignore it? I took a breath and responded "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..."

It's going better than we thought. My mother-in-law's spirits are much improved now that she is home from the recovery center. She can use a walker to get around. 

Nurses will be dropping by regularly for physical & occupational therapy.

To be honest, I didn't know that there was a difference between physical and occupational therapy until now.

Later this week we are having a lift installed at her house. 

The biggest complication could be her pets.. The mother in-law's dog is very old and blind. She wanders randomly around the house. She pees and poos wherever she feels like it. She is on much medication. The first night we were here, we woke up to whimpering. The dog got stuck in a box and couldn't get out. 

That dog is not long for this world.

The brother-in-law is also on the mend. I'm not sure he is sober just yet, but he has started attending Zoom AA meetings. 

 I see the hurricanes coming your way Tommy. God bless. 

 

 We are on our way to the inlaws in California. The haze in the  photo is from the California wildfires. You can taste and smell it in the air.

I am actually not really sure what's going on with my brother-in-law. He didn't actually check himself into detox. Since then, he has been calling and texting the husband, asking for help. The husband drove to the brother-in-law's place and tried to pick him up, but the brother-in-law didn't open the door, or respond to shouts from the street. 

The husband is done with his brother. Right now my mother-in-law is in the hospital. She will need help when she gets out. We are traveling to California this weekend for that. The brother-in-law is making his own choices. He has to deal with these consequences. 

The brother in law has fallen of the wagon. This morning he checked himself into a detox. This has been weighing heavily on the Husband. Thankfully the Husband didn't come to his rescue. The brother in law made this choice himself. 

 

We are at peak summer. The flower are in full boom. The weather is perfect. The days are sunny and warm

The mother in law is doing better. She will get out of recovery in another week or two. When that happens we will head down to California to care for her for a couple of weeks. 

We were out on a friends boat today. We trolled past where the billionaires live. It's interesting to see the degrees of richness. There are those who have a nice house on the water. There are those who have a very big and nice house on the water. There are those who have a very big and nice house with a huge manicured lawn along the water. Then there are those rare few who live in what appear to be huge parks along the water and have security that will chase you away if you linger too long. 

The brother-in-law has moved out. He's found a little studio apartment in downtown Seattle. Yesterday the husband helped him move. 

Yesterday evening was quiet. I didn't realize how accustomed I've become to his constant engagement.

The mother-in-law-- after a good nights sleep, she became much more even tempered. She still isn't happy where she is. We are not either. The staff sounds over worked. Nothing dangerous though. 

My mother in law is angry at everything. She is in a recovery center now and seem to be in good hands, though she is in pain.

The husband the brother-in-law are spending a lot of time listening to her. They are worried that the medical staff around her will give up because of her non-stop anger. The options to move her to another recovery center are very limited because of COVID. Also, there is no guarantee that she won't be just as angry in the next recovery center since she can't really express why she is angry. When the husband asked her questions about what was wrong and what she needed, she becomes angry at him for asking questions, for not helping. 

Otherwise, thing would be nice here in Seattle. The weather is wonderful. Our jobs are going well. 

My father needs knee surgery. He will probably have this surgery in November. I'm trying to figure out how to join him. He is in Canada, so I will need to quarantine for two weeks before I see him. Canada actually enforces these things so I can't cheat. 

When it rains it pours.

Last night my mother-in-law fell and broke her pelvis. She is in the hospital and will require long term care.

The husband and I figuring out our plans now. 

"These lessons that our parents are teaching us. This is not how you live." -- my brother-in-law


We are back home.
Thursday we drove the 13 hours from the in-laws to our place.

Things ended well my father-in-law. He seems to be happy in the new place. He is socializing a little. He is eating proper meals. He is taking his medications appropriately. His voice is a little more cheerful.

My mother-in-law is now considering her situation.

My friend C2 is fond of pointing out that decisions can be decisive, delayed, or desperate. The latter happening when you put off making hard choices, when you run out of time and end up accepting the only option on the table.

The seems to be what my father-in-law did. He desperately wanted to retain his freedom and to keep everyone happy. Maybe if he pushed the hard choices off a bit, then he would feel better. More energized. That's not what happened. He ended up unable to take care of himself in the hospital and needing someone to quickly move him.

My mother-in-law is also going down that path. The retirement homes she can afford aren't nice enough for her, so she keeps pushing off the decision. Most of the day she sits alone in her house. Her social circle have greatly shrunk due to COVID. She is on oxygen. She is too tired to drive anywhere or do things, especially in the heat of the north-central California summer.

I hope she makes a decisive choice.

In the future, I hope I make a decisive choice.

Why does my father-in-law have all this food that expired in 2016? Why not 2018? 2014? 

 

What do you do with a CD player when the lone CD with the player is from the one concert that your father-in-law and his son attended decades ago. 

 

What about the Z-ion cleanse? What is a Z-ion cleanse? It looks valuable. It may be valuable to someone? Should we try to sell it? Is this just garbage tricking us into keeping it.

 

What do you do with a five year old washer and dryer when the divorced mother-in-law says “mine are twenty years old, and your father promised me his years ago, and I’ll need you to help me move them”  in the one hundred degree heat. And to help get rid of her old ones.

The dryer is gas and she doesn’t have gas. She changes her mind. Thank God.

 

What about these two bottles of brandy and the case of wine? I thought he didn’t drink. Lets not ask. Let me just set them aside, where no one will notice.

 

There are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer. Why didn’t you tell me there are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer? What is that guilty look on your face? Have you been secretly eating ice cream sandwiches and not sharing?

 

Why are there a dozen remotes, but none go with the TVs? 

 

What to do with the computer that belonged to your deceased  brother, that was last turned on by him years ago?

 

Or the model train. 

 

Or the baseball caps.

 

Or the nick knacks from trips long past. 

 

Or the boxes of cards and photos.

 

When are sentimental things just a trap that bogs you down? When can they provide constructive experiences evoking those that you love?

 

Tommy… I agree with you… at some point it is best to keep the money in the bank and live in a smaller place. In comfortable surroundings. Among kindred spirits.. 

 

And it is best to be there long before your physical and mental abilities decline to the point where you have no choice and must depend on others.

Why are there dead bees on the carpet?

My father-in-law is in his new apartment. Its one room with a kitchen and bathroom in an assisted living facility. 

Yesterday morning, my husband, his brother and their sister brought a few things over from my father-in-laws old apartment and set the new one up nicely.

My father-in-law arrived late in the afternoon. Covid prevents them from being together, though they can open a window to the outside and talk through it.

Today we start to clean out my father-in-law's old apartment. 

Today we went on another long road trip to California 

The husband, his brother and I left Seattle around 4:30am.  We arrived at my mother-in-law's by 8:30pm. Along the way we stopped for a couple of hours-- the husband and I both had to take calls for work.

My father in law moves tomorrow. He'll be out of the hospital and into his assisted living apartment. Quarantine rules are in effect so we won't be close to him for some time.

The husband and his brother have headed over to my father-in-law's old apartment to get a few last things and bring them to his new place.

We'll be here a week before we head back. In that time we'll shut down the father-in-law's old apartment. 

We hosted a going away party today. A friend is moving away from Seattle and we wanted to say good bye.

There were eight guests. We all wore masks, except while we ate. It was good to see everyone and to send our friend off.

Afterwards the husband and I had a good conversation about social distancing. This part was a little larger I am comfortable with, though I could easily keep my distance. Everyone there got it. No one complained about wearing masks. In fact, we encouraged each other.

I have finally found some masks that I like, that are comfortable, and that don't cause my glasses to fog up too much. There is still much to learn about mask etiquette. How safe am I being if I regularly push my mask aside to sip at my drink? Or eat a hamburger?

Two good neighbours are moving. They both work in the airline industry, one for the big jet manufacturer and one as a stewardess. This last year has not been kind to them or their jobs.

The husband's father will be OK. He is still in the hospital; just under observation. The family is planning what will happen after he gets out. He is no longer capable of living alone. He needs assisted living.

Currently, the husband and I, and maybe the brother in law, will drive down to California next week. We will pack his things and move what we can.

My father in law is in the hospital. Breathing problems. 

The animal that's across the street-- that's a bear. I came across it while I was walking the dog. The dog started a stare off with the bear. I turned around and we went back home.

We are back from California.

The rental that we stayed at had live stock. Cows, pigs & chickens.

The trip itself was emotionally draining. My father-in-law is 90. His health is declining and he now needs regular help. With Covid, we don't want to move him to an assistive care facility.

There is a bit of a plan now-- a cousin will move in with the father-in-law for a while.

Of course it's all more complex than that. My father-in-law doesn't want anyone to worry about him. He'd rather sit in his apartment and rot than ask anyone for help. It took a lot of patient listening until we figured out what is going wrong and to hear his concerns.

Yesterday we drove to central California. We are staying here for a week to visit the husband's parents and to get a little R&R. 

We are not actually on vacation.. We rented a nice apartment for the week. Both of us brought our laptops and are going to work during the day. 

Two thoughts on this... First, the husbands parents can be tiring if you spend more than a couple of hours with them. By renting a place and working during the day, we can visit with them every night for a week. 

Second, COVID means we must work remote. Travel is very restricted. Lets try new things and see how they go.

Over the weekend Brown had a BBQ at his place. He lives across the Sound, so we had a good ferry ride to visit him.

The dog has been groomed for the first time in months. With short hair, she is not heating up as quickly, and has regained a lot of energy.

Got him. It only took two months and, um, an expensive new camera.

Corona-virus thoughts-- lately I'm feeling different about this situation. I used to feel like I just had to bear down and power though it. Now I'm feeling... acceptance?

I want to start exploring how to live in a world where will must perpetual distancing.

I'm going to clean and organize my office like I'm going to work there permanently. Right now it's just a desk with a bunch of stuff I shoved aside back in March.

We are also talking about driving to California to visit the Husband's parents. It will be a working trip. Both of us will work for the day, since we can work from anywhere. We can hang out with his parents in the evenings. 

A slightly better picture of Rufus.

We were away at the ocean over the weekend. A friend has a cottage in ocean side village and invited us along.

We've had a couple of big road trips over the past few weeks. It's had me reflecting on our social distancing strategy.

Restaurants in this county have reopened at one third capacity. Saturday evening we went out for dinner for the first time in months. The waiters wore masks. Hand offs of plates and bill were all careful.

We ate breakfast in the cottage. The rest of our meals were take out. We wore masks to pick up the food.

I'm not sure I'd call this all a great example of social distancing though. Cases and deaths are way down in Washington but the pandemic is far from over. Things may be quiet over the summer.

We've avoided the protests in Seattle. One of my employees lives in a condo above a park with many demonstrations. I'll get the news from her today.

To help with work-from-home, my employer will send me a new standing desk and an adjustable chair. The husband veto'd the desk-- too ugly.  I will get the chair.

Rufus the hummingbird has changed his patterns. I was a little worried when I didn't see him on Tuesday. Wednesday when a hummingbird tried to drink from the feeder, he popped out from somewhere and chased off the intruder. 

I think that so many flowers in bloom, he is stretched thin protecting his territory. 

We went away for the weekend to Winthrop WA, a tiny little town east of the mountains. Lots of hiking. Gorgeous views.

The hotel was properly social distanced. The restaurant and bar were closed. Food was takeout only.

At some of the stores in Winthrop, you could literally window shop. You couldn't enter the store, but the shop keeper would post their number on the door. You called the shop keeper and discussed the merchandise. They would bring things up to the window, and answer questions.

The coffee and ice cream place had way too many people not social distancing.

I saw Rufus chase away a humming bird that was sitting at our feeder. While Rufus was off on the war path, these two settled in for a sip.

I turned 50 yesterday. This husband made it a great day.

For a few weeks now, behind my back, he had been organizing friends to send me a birthday cards. The husband had been intercepting the cards at the mailbox. When I walked into the dining room yesterday morning, I saw the table covered by three dozen cards. It was wonderful to go through them all.

He made me his special Strawberry cake.

In the evening, we had a zoom call with east coast friends. We ate the cake and sent out pieces to our neighbors. We don't need that much cake in our house.

Our friends A & E came over for a piece of cake. We had a discussion about this beforehand. Our state is opening up soon. And all of us had been healthy while quarantining. So, it was OK to spend some time with A & E. We will need to watch that this doesn't become a pattern. 

Sunday night, I wanted to get drunk. So drunk that I'd have a hangover. Of course I didn't. But it was a weird craving. Part of me is rebelling against our pleasant and repetitive isolation.

Starting June, Washington state is scheduled to enter the next phase of reopening. We will still be asked to wear masks, and to distance. I'll continue to work from home. More stores will be open.

Work may send me a standing desk and chair to facilitate long term work-from-home. I talked the plans through with our local office manager. When my company opens up we will be way more conservative than the Government. My company wants us to work from home till there is a treatment or vaccine. Rather than opening the office in June I'll be able to do is to schedule a slot where I enter  the office and get my personal effects. After that, it's back to working from home.

Small update on the work situation-- work from home will be expected until there is a vaccine or treatment for Covid. That could be a year or more out.

I scheduled a Zoom lunch for my teams at work. It turned out well. People were grateful for the social time. 

The husband continues to be a bit stir crazy. Last night, the husband suggested we go out for dinner. I suggested that I could would make dinner. He replied that he didn't want to do any cleaning afterwards. I assured him that I wold do all the cleaning

He firmly responded "I need to go out."

We had ordered burgers to go from a local restaurant. We ate them in the car and then drove around a bit. Toured some of the the little developments and neighborhoods that are popping up around here.

I continue to watch Rufus the hummingbird throughout the day. My office window looks out over the backyard so it's a pleasant distraction.

It turns out Rufous hummingbirds are very territorial. Rufus regularly chases away other hummingbirds. Our neighbors also have a hummingbird feeder which is part of his territory. He zips back and forth between the different feeders, and dive bombs any other hummingbird who dares take a sip. I've now know his attack trill and quickly look up when he's on the attack.

We got out a bit over the weekend.

Saturday we handed off our tax statements to our accountant. We were all masked. In fact, our accountant made us nice Seahawks masks.

Afterwards, we stopped by a bicycle store. At the store, no one but the husband and I were wearing masks.

On the way home we drove through the Tahoma National Cemetary. Very scenic. Very solomn.

Sunday we stopped by a friend's for his birthday. We brought our own lunch. They had theirs. We stayed on opposite sides of the room, eating & catching up.

After that we stopped by Clem & Bates to pick up some stuff of mine that I stored there. Clem and Bates are using the quarantine time to clean up and purge. They reminded me about the box and so we swung by and to retrieve it. We bumped elbows to say hello.

That little orange/brown blob on the end of the dead branch-- that's Rufus.

Posting this picture, I feel like I'm photographing Big Foot. He does exist! That blur really is him! He was far away and moved too fast. You believe me, don't you?

Exempting the pandemic, all is well here in the suburbs of Seattle. The weather is pleasant today. My work schedule has a enough free time that I should be all caught up by the end of the day.

Work wise, the company says that it will be at least a month before the offices are reopened.

We have named the hummingbird Rufus in honor of his species. No creativity there. Both the husband I occasionally peak out our back windows to see if he is on his perch.

Rufus leaves his perch for most of the afternoon. When I first noticed this, I worried about him-- just a little. Did something happen to him? Will he return? How big is the territory of a Rufous Hummingbird? What is he up to? Of course he returned later in the day.

One day he will leave our backyard without the courtesy of saying goodbye. Rufous hummingbirds are known for their long migrations. Late in the summer, if all stays well with him, he will fly down to Mexico.

We have a Rufus Humming Bird in our back yard. I've been watching him from my office for a few days now.

This humming bird will sit on a dead branch in a tree at the far end of our back yard. He surveys his territory. After a few minutes of surveying, he'll zoom off. Sometimes he'll sip from the feeders on our back deck. Sometimes he'll zoom away attending to other hummingbird things.

Then, five or ten minutes later, he'll return to the branch and survey things a little more.

The new normal.

Work is planning for it to be a long time before things return to normal.

Sometime, weeks from now, we will enter phase one. In phase one, our company will largely continue to work from home. If I wanted to work-from-work, I could book a desk. The number of desks that can be booked is very restricted. The desks are well distanced from each other. After I use a desk, it will be sanitized.

My SVP predicted that we would be in phase one by the end of the year.

Home life is going well. The husband is getting stir crazy. He is going grocery shopping more often than he should. He wears a mask. We washes his hand. I hope this all goes well.

Work has started talking about reopening. Nothing specific now, it's all contingencies. In two weeks, if the convid infection rates are declining, then we will enter phase one--  we will reopen the offices, but encourage people to work from home. After a few weeks, if phase one goes well, then we will enter phase two...

I can't blame them. 

Things have been quiet here. I've got a routine and it's working for me.

6ish, I wake up. I work out or run. I meditate for a few minutes. Then I have coffee and start planning the day. What are the most important things on my plate, and what are the next steps? What meetings do I have? What prep needs to be done? What do I need to review? Who am I having 1:1's with? What should we discuss? What should I do in the few open slots that I have between meetings? What do I need to follow up on?

Workday starts between 8:30 and 9:00. The mornings will go by quickly. Lately I've been booked through lunch, so I'll grab something quickly and eat during the noon call.

Then the afternoon starts. I have fewer meetings in the afternoon, so I can usually get some other work done then, writing, paperwork, who knows.

I try to schedule 1:1's at 4pm.

At 5pm I curate. I go through all my email, my notes and my work notifications then either delete, deal with them, or book time if the item needs real work. I'll double check any future commitments and make sure I know the next steps.

Some times I'm done by 5:05. Others I'm not done till 6:00

The Husband and my brother-in-law respect my day. They can tell that I'm very engaged with my job. The husband has mentioned that he doesn't like that I am sitting at a desk all day. With the pandemic, his job is in make-work mode. He has more free time. I am a little jealous.

Really though, I am happy that I have a great paying job in the middle of a crisis.

I'm pretty drained by the end of the day. The husband and I will have dinner. Maybe watch some TV.

8ish I'll have a cocktail. I don't drink a lot, so I make a good cocktail. I take out the necessary bar equipment. Measure and mix everything. Pour in a good glass and clean up.

Lately I've been having martini's with Aviator Gin. Before that it was Manhattans with nice Canadian whisky.

Then I'll read, or maybe I'll work on a puzzle with the husband.

In bed, lights out by 9:30pm. Gotta get my sleep for the next day.

We finished a jigsaw...

Our friend is getting better. The fever has broke and he is up and around.

Our roommate, our brother-in-law, is getting bored. Today, to amuse himself, he gave himself a perm.

We are starting to play online games with our friends. We've found a few social gaming sites like UnoFreak.com. We setup Zoom or Skype on a laptop, and then play games and chat or an hour. Its fun. It helps things feel normal for an hour.

Feel normal for an hour-- I spoke too soon. An internet connected karaoke mic just showed up. Apparently, this Saturday, we are schedule to sing karaoke with friends from Boston.

My work day is very full & busy. To be honest, I feel good about that. My days are going quickly.

I like getting up in the morning, showering, shaving, putting nice clothes, making myself presentable even if its just for a day of video calls. I could do it all from bed in a t-shirt. No one would care. I want to feel a little better about myself, even if it means a little more laundry and a little more work.

Our friend has fever and is quarantining. He is well enough to take care of himself. I hope things go well.

   

The weather is lovely today. The husband and I went out for a good hike up the hill behind us. We came across a few other hikers and gave them a wide birth. 

We have a friend who has tested positive for the Coronavirus. It's early on and he is only feeling a bit under the weather.

I last saw him three and a half weeks ago when we went skiing together, so I'm hoping that's far enough back. 

In other times, this would be a lovely spring. The weather is Seattle-nice-- some sun in the morning, followed by ten minutes of rain and hail, followed by cloud. I have the windows in my office opened a crack and am enjoying a cool spring breeze.

How should one deal with speculation and conspiracies? They are popping up on my FB page and I've had a roommate wonder out loud about one. As this pandemic proceeds, there will be anger and finger pointing from many. Anything to deflect responsibility. I have such a strong urge to directly engage, but that's not helpful. It just tags me as one of 'them.' 

So, I will just mute the post, or politely listen if someone engages me directt. Then I will guide the conversation to washing hands, distancing, finding masks, and saying the serenity prayer.

Life is going on here in the suburbs of Seattle. My job is busy. At the new job, the training wheels are off. We just had a reorg, and the size of my team tripled. I am spending a lot of time getting to know the team and the new responsibilities.

The husband is stressed. He is empathic. He is someone who likes to get involved and solve problems. It's tough for him to stay at home while the problem grows.

We go out for groceries every now and then. We've tried to order online, but the wait times are so long. Four or five days out. It's just not possible for us to plan our food that far ahead.

I look at the stats for Covid several times a day. I see that the death rate in LA is climbing like crazy. Hang in there Tommy. This disease is everywhere and still growing like crazy. 

While the news is constantly on in our home, I am tuning it out. Much of America won't take proper precautions until they personally know someone critically ill with Covid. That won't happen till there are tens of thousands of deaths. By that time, it will be weeks too late to prevent anything.

The next two months of news will be bleak.

Work is proceeding well. The husband has commented that I have very full days and suggested that I book time to take afternoon walks.

The brother-in-law says he gets anxious when he listens in on my video calls. We use so many technical words. It bugs him that we speak English, but he can't understand.

While the husband is also working from home, his job is turning more and more into make-work projects.

H, the roommate in the basement, has started teach yoga online. It's fun to listen in. She really knows her stuff.

The Brother-In-Law is working six days a week making and delivering food at the retirement home. He is getting tired. Get your rest, my brother-in-law. More people are depending on you, than on anyone else in this house. 

 We are filling our spare time any way we can. Puzzles, games TV. News. Too much news.

The "Stay Home" order has caused another round of grocery shortage. Nothing major, the same outage as before-- toilet paper, paper towels. Vegies and meat are freely available.

We also could not find another desk. The husband works from the living & dining room. This sometimes causes conflicts should the husband be on a conference call and the the brother in law want to watch TV.  So, we tried to find a desk for the spare bedroom. No dice.

But, smart TVs are cheap and readily available. The brother in law bought one for his bed room. Problem solved.

Our state has gone one step farther....

Gov. Jay Inslee spoke directly to Washingtonians to announce he will sign a statewide order that requires everyone in the state to stay home. The order will last for two weeks and could be extended.

This Stay Home, Stay Healthy order is similar to orders that other governors, in places such as California and New York, issued last week.

This proclamation will:

• Require every Washingtonian to stay home unless they need to pursue an essential activity.

• Ban all gatherings for social, spiritual and recreational purposes.

• Close all businesses except essential businesses.

“The less time we spend in public, the more lives we will save,” Inslee said. 

The proclamation states it’s still safe for people to go outside as long as they remain at least six feet from each other. Grocery stores, doctor’s offices and other essential businesses will remain open. People can still participate in activities such as bike rides, gardening, and dog walking — as long as they follow social distancing rules.

I sold my motorcycle today. I feel a little bad about that. I've had the motorcycle for years.

But, I haven't rode the cycle in a couple years. It's not practical anymore. I was riding the motorcycle often when there was an HOV lane to work and when I was with my ex. He worked on weekends so I had extra alone time.

Times have changed. Now, it just sits in the garage.

The guy who bought the motorcycle was a bit drunk and didn't know how to ride. Fortunately, he brought af friend who knew motorcycles and took it for a test ride.

The guy had recently come into a lot of cash-- he was cleaning schools closed due to the coronavirus.

After the test ride, the friend gave it his blessing. They paid cash. I signed over the title and the friend rode my bike off to it's next adventure.

The humble brag... that's what I'd call my last post. I must do less of that. 

The days of sheltering in place are passing buy. We are having a few home arguments, but nothing unexpected. We've had to adjust the Wi-Fi to accommodate the extra streaming and video calls that are being made.

How first world is that-- we are in the middle of a pandemic and the top problem on my list is that the house has enough Wi-Fi to let two people talk on video, and the other two watch Netflix, each far enough away from the other that we can't hear each other in the background.

We have made lists of people we want to keep in touch with and are calling them. I like this. Usually my work life and my few free social hours narrow down the people I talk to. Shelter-in-place lets me be more intentional. I will talk to those whom life would ordinarily keep distant from me. 

How on earth did I end up in a quarantine, with a great job that lets me work remote, and roommates who are a chef and a yoga instructor?

It's a quiet day today.  I had a full day working from home, as did the husband. The brother in law is home early from work as there is less for him to do at work. He works in the kitchen at a retirement home. The residents are in lock down. Meals are being delivered to them. 

I don't talk much about our other roomy-- H. We have a mother-in-law apartment that we rent to her. She is a good room mate. She walks the dog when we are not around. She is clean. Trust worthy. A good person. She is also out of work. The studios where she worked have closed due to the Coronavirus. She is keeping busy. She and the brother-in-law love to watch horror movies together. We have told her not to worry. These are unusual times and we aren't going to kick her out because she can't pay rent.

Its a lovely say here in Seattle. A little cool for spring. That hasn't stopped the daffodils from blooming.

The brother in law reports that at his work, a resident has tested positive for Coronavirus. The whole retirement community is in lockdown.

The husband and I are good. Our big challenge will be to keep focused and not to psych ourselves out. This is not a good time for empaths or those who like to engage and solve problems.

We have ordered a couple big jigsaw puzzles.

C2 was quickly in and out of town for the weekend to visit his family. While he was here, he got notice that he too will work from home.

It's official. All schools are closed for the next six weeks. Coworkers are scrambling to figure out what to do with their kids. My coworkers are fortunate-- they can work form home. I pray for those who can't work from home and now have to figure out what to do with their children.

A acquaintance has been quarantined. She is healthy, but is a real estate agent who was exposed to someone who has tested positive for Coronavirus.

The big thing for us is to keep our cool and keep focused on our work and our day. The husband and I listen to meditations before we sleep. This husband is big hearted and empathic. This situation really bugs him.

I have been working from home for a week now. Coronavirus continues to grow around us. Social distancing is now in vogue. I went to the dentist today. Ordinarily, when signing for the bill, I would just take the pen from the receptionist and sign. Today she put the pen down, stepped back. I took the pen, signed and then used hand sanitizer. She wiped the pen with a cloth. We looked at each other and laughed. What's next? Throwing the bill from across the room? 

The numbers don't look good. As statisticians sometimes say when doing analysis... the first derivative of the growth curve does not look good. The problem is growing faster than it's being solved. 

The state has banned events of more than 250 people. Seattle schools are closed. Suburban schools are not, though there are calls for that. The grocery stores are all open. Costco was out of beans and rice. The guy there said they get a new pallet every day, but it sells out quickly. 

We have a few emergency supplies on hand. Maybe one week of food. Lots of soap and cleaning supplies. Mostly I'm presuming that the system— groceries (especially grocery delivery), internet, power, gas— will continue to work if things start to go very bad. Amazon delivery can't help but benefit from this.  

The husband and I are in a demographic that recovers from Covid-19. I'm a little worried about the brother-in-law. He works at an old-folks home. He is over 60. He smokes. I pray for him.

So, what should one do in the middle of a coronavirus crisis? Head to the mountains of course!

For some time, an old college buddy of the husband planned to be in Seattle for the week. We had previously schedule a weekend with him at a local ski hill. While, they are closing down large gatherings around Seattle. Restrictions have not yet hit the rest of the state.

The trip was lovely.

Companies that can are asking their employees to work from home till the end of the month. To the best of my knowledge, no one where I work has been hit with the virus.

and then I see this...

Covid-19 update...

At work, they have put hand sanitizer dispensers up next to the main doors. It's kind of like a cruise ship. I sanitize every time I walk in or out of our space.

I am washing my hands more often. I'll do that when I arrive at work. Wash away the commute germs. My fingers are drying out, so I've got bottle of nice lotion on my desk.

Yes. I'm still going to work. The people who have been dying have been very young, had underlying health problems or were older than 70. I don't associate with those demographics, so if I get it, the damage will be contained.

More about work. The commute is nice. The traffic is good. There are less people on the bus. The office is quiet. If it weren't for the virus, this would be pleasant.

I have several friends in the travel industry. They are having a bad time.

My husband, who visits many medical offices for work, has been asked to stay away. The offices are closed to non-essential visitors.

What's bad about Covid-19 is that it's so diffuse and unpredictable. Our mind wants us to think that pandemics play out like the zombie apocalypse. Or a biologic attack where everyone dies. The reality is that most of us will be unaffected. Some of us will have a bad flu. We may not even know that the flu was the Coronavirus. It was a bad flu year even before Covid-19. And... of course... some of us will die.