I haven't been doing much this week. Like almost everyone else I've been paying attention to the news, hoping to hear something new about NYC; something important. Instead the same facts are repeated over and over, and a rotating line of polititions offer their commentary.

I've been kind of sick this week. A stomache flu. I still go to work, but I've been sleeping 9 or 10 hours a night.

Amazing day. I'm not posting this thinking you haven't heard. I'm posting this so I'll remember when I look back.

Today the World Trade Towers in NY, and the Pentagon in DC were attacked. Serveral 767's were hijacked and rammed into their targets. I saw video footage of the 2nd 767 hitting the World Trace Center. Both towers have since collapsed.

The news is everywhere. Currently very little is known. Mostly it's speculation and rehash from talking heads.

Colin and I went on a killer hike yesterday. First we hiked down to Snoqualmie falls.kind of easy and fun. Then we hiked all the way up Tiger Mountain. Colin is very fit and kept going at a good clip. By the time we reached the top we were both covered with sweat. The view was good though-- clear and sunny. About a dozen paragliders were out.

We've reached a weird time of the year in Seattle. Sometime in the next few weeks the clouds and rain will return and we won't see the sun for months. So every sunny day everyone goes out-- it just might be the last sunny day.

Had breakfast with Bruce and M at Van's. We really have to watch our conversation. Sometimes when we started talking about gay things, you could tell that the tables around us were trying to listen in. It's not that we were talking about gay porn or anything like that. Just gossip-- so and so broke up, so and so had a steroid rage and attacked his partner with a knife. But still, gay people seam to lead much higher drama lives than straight people.

Another double date day. Andy says I shouldn't do that. Bad karma.

I had lunch with Sean. He replied to my personal ad. He's a good man. He has two kids. Seams to be a fun guy to hang around. But I don't know. We had lunch at the Issaquah Brew pub. Afterwards we took a walk arournd the salmon hatchery. They have a display there, "Discover Your Salmon Fate" My salmon fate was to make it out to the ocean, but upon returning to fresh water, I'd be scooped up by a bear. Sean's salmon fate was to be trapped in Lake Washington because he couldn't figure out how the Ballard Locks worked.

Went out for dinner and a movie with John, the fireman. I don't think it's going to go any where with him. Part of me wants it to. He's great husband material. His last partner lasted for 9 years, till partner died in an auto accident. But, I don't really have feelings for him. He's a nice man; no a good man. He's good looking, and interesting. He has a good job. But I just don't care. He's not really my type which makes the situation awkward. For someone else John would be a 10.

John and I had dinner at the Six Arms. Then we saw American Pie 2.

I'm trying to figure out what I want. What I really want is to find a good husband and to build a life with him. What I want more than that is Harry, however Harry is dating someone, so he's out of the picture.

I think I'm going about husband hunting too aggressvily. I've got to slow down. No more than one date a week. And no over lapping dates.

I've met some nice guys recently-- even attractive guys. But I haven't really met one that I want to get to know better. I haven't had that feeling in a long time, to really want to get to know a man and to spend time with him. I had it with Harry when I met him so I know I can still feel it. Am I too jaded? Have I just not met the right guy?

Maybe I should just go back to Master Mark. At least that was simple. I knew what to expect and what to do.

I got another mention on Tommy's site I can't tell if it was a compliment or not. I probably need to keep my libido in check a bit better. I don't enjoy one night stands. They get me off, but they don't make me happy. If I do have sex with someone I want to spend the night with him, and have breakfast the next morning.

Thursday I had dinner and sort of a date. It went ok, but we probably won't go out again.

Friday I went out to the Eagle. I met this guy there. He was pretty hot. He was about 50, good body, smoking a cigar. I don't know what it is about a cigar, but when I see a masculine guy smoking one, it get's me kid of horny.

He was looking for someone smaller and smooth though. That seems to be the story of my life. When I meet a guy that really turns my crank, he's either interested in hairless twinks, or is involved with someone else.

It's frustrating.

Oh well. Off to bed.

Tonight I had date #3 with Colin. We had dinner at my place and sex afterwards. He is really just comming out of the closet. He said he's never slept with a guy before.

We've played together in the same hockey league. He told me that he's had a crush on me for years, it just took him this long to ask me out.

He's a very nice guy. Very masculine. We'll see.

Not much happened last night. Went over to Brians for dinner. While I was there, a friend of his called and they got into a big fight on the phone. I think the friend didn't call Brian on his birthday, so Brian was pissed. After the friend apoligized, Brian's mood wrapedly changed.

I think that Brian has a build up of anger-hormone, so every couple of weeks he has to blow up at someone or something.

Well, Bruce and I went to the Ellensburg Rodeo. We had a great time. There were a good number of hot guys there, so I had to remember to ogle discreetly.

The Ellensburg Rodeo has the 17th largest prize pot, so while the competition isn't as strong as in Houston or Calgary, it is still a very good rodeo. I enjoy the steer wrestling and the calf roping the most. I'm not really into the bronco or bull riding-- I can't spot a good ride. When I thought the rider should get 85, the judges gave him 75. When I thought he should get 75, the judges gave him 85. Wresting and roping is easy though. I can easily scope the parts of each heat (chase, rope, wrestle, tie) and judge how well each cowboy was doing.

They also had wild cow milking. It's not treated as seriously as bronco or bulling riding, even though it's probably more dangerous.

Bruce and I drove back. Went to the Workshop. Had dinner and a pitcher of beer. Then we parted ways.

All in all, a good day.

Took it easy today. Washed my hockey equipment (1st time in 4 years) worked out twice.

In the evening, I went to the Cuff. I ran into a friend of Harry. He mentioned that Harry has put on a lot of weight. I wonder if I'll feel any different for him when I see him next. I'm hoping he would want to lose weight if we got together. I'm much more active, and diet consious than his BF. But who knows.

Over the phone, I got into an argument with Brian. He wanted to sleep together tonight, I didn't. He's not used to anyone saying no to him. When someone does, he doesn't stop till he gets his way. Well, I said no and I wouldn't change my mind. I hung up on him after he started insulting the rodeo I'm going to tomorrow.

I'm half expecting him to drive to my place. I hope he's got more brains than that.

I've had a fun couple of days. Saturday was Brian's birthday so I took him out for dinner at Beck’s. Latter we went for drinks at the workshop. Brian was in a real party mood, so we had 3 boilermakers (Pint of beer with a shot of whisky) in about 1 hour. The bartender cut us off. Luckily I didn't have a hangover Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon I went to a great BBQ at R&J's place. One of the guys there, JB, brought his two daughters. Now JB is an entomologist for the U.W. He raised his daughters to be unafraid of bugs and slugs. One of the girls started playing with a large brown slug. While it was sliding over her hand she would show it to anyone to try and gross him or her out. After a while she got bored of the slug and stopped playing with it. Of course her hand was still covered in slug slime. When she tried to wash her hands, the slime wouldn't come off! She and J scrubbed for 20 minutes. They used comet and a pot scrubber. It still wouldn't come off. JB told us this was the natural defense of the common brown slug. The slime also has anesthetic properties. When they are attacked; the attacker is all gummed up and goes numb.

JB said that once when he was teaching, to demonstrate the anesthetic properties of slug slime, he licked a brown slug for his students. His tongue went numb and he started talking weird.

JB's two girls are 5&6. They latched on the Kam and kept trying to tickle him. Kam's ex, Margaret, told the girls about wet-willies and got the girls to try and give one to Kam. It was hilarious. Kam was a good sport about being harassed by the girls. I couldn't let an opportunity like that go by-- I pinned Kam down and let the girls give him a wet-willy.

Imagine being given a wet-willy by a girl whose fingers are covered in slug slim.

It was Kam's birthday. After the girls left we opened up Kam's presents. He got an inflatable love-cow, some really gross porn, a case bullets, and a teabag. Why? That's a very long story that Kam tells best.

B&M were there. M is pregnant and expecting any day now. They mentioned that every time M has an ultrasound the doctor or nurse makes a joke about how well endowed the baby is. They are not sure what to expect. They are ‘selling’ relationship status with the baby. For 5 diaper changes you can be called an uncle. For 50, you get to be the God Father. For 150 000, you get to name the baby.

We had a lot of good conversation-- most of it normal. But with R and Kam, normal isn’t good enough. So we had a long talk about bowel movements, why R is afraid of public restrooms and how Kam can pee in an Evian bottle while driving in a snowstorm. Another long story; one that they tell best.

We won the finals... 6-1 against Team 1072. I got a tripping penalty. Other than that it was a fairly quiet game. We all played our hearts out.

Now don't go thinking I'm some kind of hockey genius. This was an adult organized rec summer legue. But still, it feels good.

Someone has been trying to hack into my computer. I don't think they've succeeded though. My computer has a wake-on-lan feature-- you can turn it on remotly over the connection to the internet. Over the past week or two, i've noticed that sometimes the computer was on even though I thought I turned it off. So, last night I shut down the computer and put a note on the keyboard saying "I turned the computer off." Then, at about 1:30am I heard a beep. I got out of bed and walked to the office, sure enough the computer was powering up. I shut the computer down again and disconnected it from DSL.

I played hockey last night. It was the semi-finals We won 11 to 7. What a great and terrible game. As you can see, defense sucked, but offense rocked. Too bad I'm on defense. Two days ago I pulled a muscle in my neck. Now I can't turn my head to the right. It made for a weird game as D. I played along the right boards so that I would never have to turn my head.

Finals are tonight.

Big company meating today. So, for all intents and purposes, I get the day off.

Worked late today. Afterwards I raced home to work out and eat. Bruce and I got together later on for some beer and to chat. His dating life is frustrating right now. In the past month, he's had dates with a couple of guys that he finds attractive. But both of them are into bare backing. So he's understandably weary.

In the fallBruce is going part time to film school. He's also thinking about joining the public access chanel board of directorsl. Bruce always signs up for a lot. Not only does he work long hours but he volunteers for PSBRC (A disability benefits counseling org), teaches computer skills to Sudanese refugees, films a couple of TV show on cable access, plus in the winter he’s a snowboard instructor. It is kind of frustrating to be his friend because he often doesn’t have time. Even worse is when he no-shows. He has a problem with saying “No” But then, something will happen, schedules will align, and he'll have a week of free nights. When that happens he wants to do things with me almost every night. So I'll go from not hearing from him for weeks to talking to him almost every day.

I went out to the Cuff last night. I talked to a few people but didn't put an effort into meeting anyone. I have to slow down. When you have dinner and drinks with two or three guys a week, it's hard to get to know them; that's not fair to them or me. If I like a guy, I can't think about it because next night I'll have a date with someone else so I have to put the first guy out of my mind.

I met Brian at the Cuff. He's finally clueing in that we are not getting back together. Although, I did spend last night at his place.

I cycled around Redmond today-- along the Puget Sound power trail. While I was cycling up a large hill my chain popped off. I guess my derailer needs to be aligned. It was a pain in the ass. One second I'm peddling hard trying to make it up the hill, the next I grind to a halt, have to unwedge my chain and re-rail it. I lost my momentum and had to walk the rest of the way up the hill. Going down the hill was still good.

I had another date tonight. John, a fireman. He's a nice guy but a bit more Nelly than I'm attracted to. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant on Queen Anne. Then we walked through Seattle Center, past Pike Place Market and back to the restaurant. I'm not sure if I'll have a second date with him. I'll wait to see if he calls. It may be a couple weeks before I have to decide. Being a fireman, he works odd shifts that don’t match up well with a 9-to-5 life like mine.

Having a kind of quiet day. I bought a new pocketknife. It’s very sharp and has an assisted opening feature. I know this because the first time I sat down with the knife I hit the open-up button. The blade sprang out and stabbed me in the thumb. The cut was clean and painless. With a few minutes of pressure the bleeding stopped. I felt stupid; like I needed to go back to the boy scouts and take a knife safety course.

I walked around the Value village thrift store-- lots of crap, some good stuff. The next time I need a spatula, or a pair of tongs, I’ll go there instead of a kitchenware store. Outside of the store I ran into my manager and a friend of hers.

I hooked the computer up to the stereo using the “Akoo Kima” wireless stereo transmitter. At first it acted weird and flaky. The volume the Kima transmitted at depended on the speaker volume. I couldn’t figure out why so I just chaulked it up to bad design. Then I unplugged the speakers from the Kima and noticed that the transmitted volume still depended on the speaker volume. Since that didn’t make sense, I knew I screwed up. I looked around and discovered that I wired the Kima into the computer and speakers in a strange way. Once I corrected the wiring the Kima acted perfectly. Now I can listen to CD quality Internet Radio over my stereo.

I cleaned the inside of the truck today—vacuumed and Armour-All’d. Then I washed the outside and spent some extra time on the windows—washed inside and out, no streaks. The truck looks damn near new. Not bad considering it’s almost 4 years old.

Wow. Reading over this post, I sound like a materialistic shopper. I’m not usually like this. I can go for months buying nothing but groceries. It’s just that recently I needed to buy a few things, so I’ve gone all out and bought a few extra things on my list of “Nice-to-Have.”

I got my George ‘W’ refund cheque today. $300.00. Woo hoo. I’m kind of annoyed that it’s not really free money, but an advance on next years tax refund.

I just heard a short of shocking, weird news story. I'm posting it here so one day when I look back, I'll remember it.

A 6-year-old boy was seriously burned when he climbed into a bucket of chemicals used to make meth-amphetamines. He may need reconstructive surgery. The 16-year-old mother has been charged with various things. She waited more than 14 hours before bringing the boy to the hospital.

Washington seems to be developing a meth-amphetamines problem. Outside of Seattle and the Puget Sound, there are many poor people and a miles of hills and forests. It’s easy to hide a meth lab in the mountains. Then within a couple hours drive you’ve got the big market of Seattle.

I got another mention on Tommy's website. Tommy and I have been emailing each other. He's kind of cute. Maybe I'll go visit him in the fall. I'd like my life to settle down first.

This morning, Bruce, M and I had breakfast at Van's Kitchen. Bruce has been taking film courses and is involved with the production of a couple of cable access shows. Now he wants to make porn. He's convinced he can make a good living at it. M and I just sort of shook our heads and made a token effort to talk him out of it.

M gave me a watch. It's a meaningless gift. Over breakfast I mentioned that my watch died and I needed a new one. M said. "Hey I found this watch. I've got it in my car. I've been hoping someone would steal it, but no one has. Want it?" So I said yes. It's an O.K. watch. A Fossil. A little bit dressier than I usually wear. But hey-- free watch.

I cycled to and from Van's Kitchen. I've been kind of hyper lately-- my legs have been twitchy. So, bicycling took the edge off. I also worked out this morning.

Tonight my date was with Walter. It went ok, although I'm not going to ask Walter out a second time. Walter is a tester for a Computer firm. He's also a land lord. Occasionally he buys a building, renovates and then resells it. It was kind of weird Walter lives down in Tacoma. That's where Harry lives. Every time he mentioned the area, I'd think of Harry. I guess I know who's caught my fancy

Afterwards I went to the Cuff and talked to a few people. Two drinking buddies that have been a couple for years, Joe&Chris, have split up. I didn't poke for details, but Joes said Chris attacked him with a knife.

As I was leaving I ran into Bruce. He sort of made a joke about not returning any of my calls. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow morning at 9am at Van's

Tonight I went though my address book and deleted addresses I no longer needed. It was kind of a weird trip down memory lane. My address book contains phone numbers for restaurants that are now closed, co-works who moved away, and busness contacts I haven't used in years. There were a few addresses I kept, not because I would ever call those people, but because I just wanted to remember them again at some point in the future.

Tonight I had a second date with Collin. I like him. He's an good man. We had dinner along Alki Point, took a walk a long the beach and necked a bit in the dark. I want to see him again, but he'll be visting family out of town for a week.

Just because I can't be happy with a good thing I have two more dates lined up. After Harry told me not to wait for him I went all out. Friday night I'm having dinner with a guy that responded to my personal ad. Sunday night I'm having dinner with a fireman that I've been chatting with on and off for months.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy things with Collin. He's either bi, or just coming out of the closet. He said that all of his significant relationships have been with women. He also mentioned that the types of women he prefers are very different than the types of guys he likes. With women he likes smaller ditzy blondes. With guys he likes bigger and rugged.

I hope I don't have to choose between Collin and Harry, but it won't be that simple.

Didn't do much last night. I worked out, read a bit, showered and then went to sleep.

Work’s still a bit full. A few strange things have popped up in my software. I can't tell if it's people doing things wrong, or if there is a real bug. It's making me re-evaluate how my software is deployed.

Harry called me up. He mentioned that there was an unfinished toilet in their house, its been that way since Harry moved in. The shipping stickers were still on it, the bolts fastening it to the floor weren't trimmed and the tank was loosely attached. Harry said he finished off the toilet for the BF but was annoyed that the BF never made any move to do so. It sounds like the BF doesn't really pay attention to his surroundings. He's a real computer nerd; he only focuses on computers. So things like unfinished floors or toilets don't bother him at all. Harry is getting tired of doing most of the work on the house. I told Harry that he had to find common ground with the BF and get him to do more of the house work.

He still sounds frustrated but it's the kind of thing they could work out if they want to.

I talked to Harry today. He said he gave his BF the "This relationship isn't really working for me" talk. The BF still wants very much to be with Harry, so he's working hard to change. Harry is waiting to see if the changes stick.

It just occured to me that Harry may not want to date me if he and his BF break up. He did say he would probably date me if he were single. But he also told me not to wait for him.

Fuck. Harry is the first man I've felt anything good for in years. Why can't this just be simple?

How do straight people do this? A gay friend of a friend, upon turning 30, said "If I was straight, I'd be married already." and I understand what he meant. The majority of my straight friends are in functioning long term relationships. I can't tell if they are madly in love with each other, but I can see that they care for, and respect each other. What is it about being gay that makes it so hard to meet a good man and even harder to have a long term relationship?

Not much happened on Monday. Had a few problems cropped up at work. They were prioritized and dealt with efficiently and effectively. Blah, blah, blah.

Had dinner and slept over at Brian's. He's really going out for blood in his wrongful dismissal suit. His old company doesn't want him back. They've offered to settle, but he won't take it. He wants to be hired back. Once he's back, his plan is to wreak havoc. I really don't like being around him while he's plotting his revenge.

Played hockey tonight. We won 5-3. One of our defense, the guy who repeats things, crapped out on us tonight. He arrived early but kept talking to his girlfriend. He didn't start to change until the game started, so he missed the first 10 minutes. Then, even there were only 3 D tonight, he played extra long shifts. He wouldn't get off the ice. He got tired and his playing suffered for it.

Maybe he was trying to show off to his girlfriend. Whatever it was, we mentioned it to him later on. He apologizied.

M, showed up to scope out one of the woman who plays on my team-- to see if she would be interested in dating a friend of his. But, the woman didn't show up tonight. As soon as I told M that, he took off.

I got some email about my previous post. I'm ok.

So Sean came over this afternoon. I called him this morning and left a message. He called back and asked me if I had any plans this afternoon. After I said no, he set up the scene. I was to leave my door unlocked, strip naked, and lay spread eagle on the bed, face in the pillow…

Much happened. It was kind of fun. I get the feeling that he whips guys who want to be whipped, and not because he wants to rape. This lead to some weird discussions. “What do you want now? Should I whip your ass? Should I torture your balls?” “Uhh, neither please.” “Ok, how about you just give me a BJ.”

On one side, Sean is much more touchy and snuggly than master Mark. On the other side, he gives a more painful beating. We napped afterwards and talked for a while. He’s a student getting a PHD in theology. His father is a priest. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m doing the sex slave thing. I didn’t really go looking for it. Master Mark wanted me and I found him attractive. At the time I was hoping for something normal. Mark wanted a sex slave. So, mostly for kicks, I went along with it.

Today was my fourth beating. These aren’t gentle beatings. My back, rear and penis are bruised. The beatings hit some button in me. I’m not sure what. I don’t really enjoy them. They are not pleasurable. But, I still go through with it and kind of look forward to it. Is it the idea of being wanted by a powerful man? Do I just like the attention? Am I tired of being in complete control all the time and want to give in to someone else? There have to be better ways of satisfying these desires than having the crap beaten out of me.

Last night at the bear party, M mentioned that a lot of guys have rape fantasies.

Bah. I wrote up a nice entry, but after I clicked "Post & Publish" I ran into net problems, and the post vanished into the either.

Yesterday morning I kayaked around the Arboretum on Lake Washington. I was surprised how natural it is-- the Arboretum is next a major Freeway and in the middle of the city. There was much wild life, streams and inlets to explore. I kayaked out to the middle of the lake, but every time a big boat went by, the wake would really rock the kayak. In a kayak you are floating right at the suface of the water, so if the surface starts waving up and down, even a foot or two, you're really feel it. You have to stay in control otherwise you'll roll.

In the afternoon I got ambitious, so I washed, waxed and Armor All'd the truck. It looks real pretty now.

In the evening I went to a bear party. Two guys I only kind of know invited hundreds of people to their house. I wasn't going to go, but M said he was, so I joined him. When we got there, neither of us really knew anyone. I recognized a few guys, but no one that I had talked to before. At about 11:30 orgies started breaking out. Now, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem with public sex, but I do. When I have sex with someone, it's just between him and me, in private.

So, I looked at the proceedings for a few minutes, finished my beer, and then left.

Well, Master Mark emailed me. I was to show up to his place at 5pm on Friday. This is part of the email "park anywhere, then go around the side of the house and into the back yard. The back door will be open. Enter, and go down the stairs. Strip naked. Kneel down in front of the weight bench, facing it, legs spread wide and hands on your head in surrender. You'd better have an erection. Reply with any questions. SIR."

Well, I did so. I was hooded and shackled. Mark worked on me for a while and then a friend, Sean, showed up. They worked on my together. Although later Sean told me that he was there the whole time. They took turns and kept quiet to make me think it was just Mark.

After it was all over, we went and watched TV. It was kind of weird. I'm not clicking with Mark in a freindly way so the conversation is always stilted. I think Sean really liked me. Afterwards he was back rubbing me. We also lip kissed when Mark wasn't looking. He's already emailed me thanking me and hoping we can talk again.

I'm fairly bruised right now. I play hockey on Sunday. I hope no one noticies.

After I left, I went downtown. Had dinner. Had a beer. Drove home. I'm too tired to to stay out tonight.

I had a weird nightmare last night. This one would raise Freud's eyebrows...

I was butchering a calf. I stuck a knife in its heart and then twisted the knife. I then sliced open most of the calf to get at the meat. Then, the calf jumped up and started limping around-- I hadn't killed it properly. It was in much pain. I wanted to quickly put it out of it's misery but when I looked for the heart to stab it again, the chest went empty. I couldn't figure out where the heart was or how to kill it. I felt bad.

That's when I wolk up. Maybe it wasn't a nighmare. It was more of a guilt-mare.

I had two dates yesterday. At 6:30pm, I met Collin for dinner and drinks. Now, Collin is just comming out of the closet but he's had a crush on me for years. I play on a half gay, half straight hockey team. Colin played in the same league as I. So he knew I was probably gay. He wanted to ask me out for the longest time, but always chickened out. When he read my one-line personals-ad, he figured out it was me. So he replied and asked me out.

A couple years ago, I received an anonymous email saying "Is this the Barry Cohen that plays for such-and-such hockey team?" I replied back. "Maybe? Who is asking?" I never got a response. Well, over dinner, he told me that he wrote that email.

He seems to be a nice guy. I hope I don't end up being stalked.

at 9pm, I met a lawyer, Tom, for drinks. He's a nice guy, but an old 48. I would probably date some one that age, but they'd have to take care of themselves. I'll try and stay in touch cause he seams like an interesting person, but it's not going to go anywhere.

It's kind of weird. I would probably chase Colin a bit more if it wasn't for Harry. I don't know how to manage that. If Harry and I start seeing each other, I don't want to wonder what would have happened if I had a couple more dates with Colin. Vice versa, if I start dating Colin, and it Harry becomes single...

bah. My crotch still rules my brain.

Oh yeah. Master Mark called. He wants me to be free tonight. He's trying to set up a rape scene. It sounds like he and another man are going to going to capture me, beat me, rape me.

Do I need a therapy?

I called Harry today. I left a message saying that we won last nights game. Yesterday I predicted that I we would lose.He told me not to think like that 'cause we would win.

Well, Harry called me up today while he was stuck in traffic. After talking about hockey and house maintenance, Harry asked me if it could ever work out between us. I told him I'd give 100% to it. At about that point Harry changed the subject-- he was driving by a house fire so we started talking about that.

Played hockey tonight. We won 8-4. I got an interferance penalty.

I was expecting to lose the game. The last time we played this team we won 5-4. That was with a good goalie. Since that game our old goalie moved away and our new goalie is very green. Defensivly our strategy was to not trust our goalie and to force the plays to the boards. It also helped that they didn't have 2 full lines, while we had 3. By the second period they were tired.

One of our players has a habit of repeating things over and over-- "Here you go team, here you go.", "Good play there John, Good Play", "Way to block D, Way to Block." I never noticed it before but since Ryan pointed out, I notice it all the time. Now it's getting on my nerves. Ryan and Kam have started paroting him.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He called me. Harry and his BF had another small fight. The BF called Harry at work and asked Harry to vacuum the house when Harry got home. Harry mentioned that their house has torn up floors and hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. So, when Harry got home he did vacuum. When the BF arrived, Harry snapped that he wasn't a bitch and thold the BF to never call him at work to ask him for shit like that again.

After that we reminisced about old times and how fun it was to do things together. We talked about how I never cleaned my house. I asked him how to clean my bathtub drain. It's getting clogged up again. Later I told Harry about a few things I'm doing in the near future-- going to the Ellensburg Rodeo, playing hockey. Harry said that he missed going out and having fun. Harry wanted to go to the Rodeo, but his BF said they are too cruel to animals.

I want to be with Harry so badly. It's just getting worse now that I can see the end of things between Harry and his BF. Last year Harry's goofy sense of humor and laugh used to annoy me. Now it makes me smile.

My friend Kama and his mother dropped by today. Kama lives in Toronto, but is visiting Vancouver. He and his mother decided to drive down to Seattle for the day. I gave them the tour of where I work. I brought them to the museum and the company store. Afterwards we went out for lunch. He showed me pictures of his trip to Iran. There were many beautiful buildings. It looks like the women are only covered in public. In private they take the shawls off.

Last night, I had dinner with and slept over at Brian's. Some one stole his mail. He lost about 5 cheques. Sunday evening, he put some bill payments in his mailbox. Monday morning he noticed they were gone. He managed to put a stop payment on the cheques before there was a withdrawl on his account. Monday evening someone called him and said they found his mail in the bushes off of Auroa Ave and 132nd. They left the mail at a gym near there. When Brian picked up the letters they were slit open and the enclosed cheques removed. The bank told him that because he had issued a stop payment so quicky, they would cover any losses should one of the cheques have already gone through. He's pissed off now and no longer trusts his mailbox.

After we picked up the envelopes we had dinner at a nearby Koren BBQ. It helped him relax a bit. The BBQ had grills right at the table. So, it was a sort of novel way to eat dinner.

I talked to Harry today. Last weekened, he had a fight with his BF. Harry is a social butterfly. The BF is very stay at home and doesn't like Harry talking to anyone. They were at a party last weekend. Harry was talking to someone. The BF gave harry some dirty looks and things escalated from there.

Harry mentioned that in the BF's last relationship, it was open.

Now I'm going to dwell on Harry a lot. Part of me hopes that the BF and Harry will breakup. If that's the case I'll have a shot at dating Harry. On the flip side, if anyone would give 100% to a relationship and work things out, it's Harry. It sounds like he really loves the BF. So, Harry willl see things through the bad times.

At work, I got a promotion, a 15% raise and a 7.5% bonus. We had a fire alarm in the middle of my review, so we walked out side and my manager gave me the good news in the sun.

Today is a good day.

Sunday afternoon, I cycled around Redmond. I found the Mac&Jack Brewery. It's a small place in the middle of a business park. It was hard to spot-- two things drew my attention to it. One was the barley bin outside of the brewery. The second was the smell. It must be a pain to work right next to the brewery.

I had a second date last night. This was a guy I met for coffee a few weeks ago. We had dinner at the Satellite Lounge. It was ok. I don't think I'm going to hit him up for a 3rd date.

After the date I went to the Cuff and had a couple of beers. Brian was there and we talked a while. I took a tour around. Said 'hi' to a few people, and then left.

All in all, a boring day.

Brian has become cell-phone man Here's photo evidence. One cell is his personal phone, the other is for work. He was listening to his personal voice mail when work called.

Brian and I got together and went go-karting up at Monroe. It was fun but expensive. $15 for 15 minutes. Brian isn't an agressive driver. I lapped him 3 times.

Afterwards we went to the Juanita Bay Bar and Grill, had a piture of bear and some nachos. Went back to his place, and then slept.

This morning I had breakfast with Bruce.

Later, I drove out to Leavenworth. I'm hoping to buy a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. It looks like that's a tall order. I saw about half a dozen different places. A couple of them were nice, but really close to neighbors. It was scoarching hot today. Especially at Leavenworth. I'm glad I was in AC most of the time.

On my way back from Leavenworth, I hiked around Deception Falls. It's a small hike. The falls are nice.

My friend Jon is in from Toronto. We might have lunch tomorrow.

Brian called and wants to talk to me about something.

At work we bagged the day. We had an early lunch. Then one of the guys has a boat. We took it out on the lake. We toured around and swam a bit. In fact we swam just off shore from Bill G's house. I've never seen Bill G's house before; it's not that impressive. Yeah, it's big but it looks to too utilitarian. I was hoping it had more gutsy architecture.

I had dinner with M. Bruce and another guy were both supposed to show up, but they didn't. Bruce is very bad at breaking commitments.

Later I went out to the Cuff. I ran into both Bruce and Brian.

Brian's wrongful dismissal suit was in arbitration today. He won't know for a couple of months if he wins, but it sounds like it went well.

Bruce is wearing the kilt today. Now there are 4 guys at the Cuff who regularly wear kilts. It bugs me. It looks real faggy. And it's not like they are wearing it because they are Scottish (or Irish) I guarantee you that if you go to almost any Irish or Scottish pub, that no one there will be wearing a kilt.

I spent last night with Brian; his court case is today and he is really stressing out. It looks like he's going to win, however Brian has a big temper, so his former employer will try hard to provoke him to show that he's not a good man, and that firing him may have been justified.

Yesterday I had lunch with Ryan. We went to Burgermaster again. He's stressing-out about work. He works for a video game company, and it sounds like he's the only one with a modern education in computer graphics, so if he makes a simple suggestions, he astounds his coworkers with his brilliance. Net result is that the people are looking up to him much more than he's used to.

A while back I installed BearShare. BearShare is a kind of napster replacement that lets you share files on your computer. I've been leaving it running almost constantly just to see what people upload off of my system. Well, the most popular songs to offload from my hard drive are "Corey Hart, Never Surrender" and *Depech Mode - Policy Of Truth" 80's retro lives on.

Then, I downloaded some gay porn. The gay porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the music.

Then I downloaded some straight porn. The straight porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the gay porn.

I'm tempted to create a file name that sounds like kiddy porn just to see what happens.

Vive la Internet.

I got together with Mark (Master Mark?) again last night. It was weird. We met at the Eagle and we had more than a few beers. He started doing the master/slave thing there. He collared me there, got me to take off my shirt and flex for him, and put me in handcuffs. It was half exciting, half weird. No one I knew was there, which was good because I definatly didn't want to be known.

The bartender said I looked good in the collar and congratulated me for being owned.

I spent the night at Mark's place. Not sure if I want to do that again. He wants to arange a 3-some, which is not something I like to do.

Marks place isn't what you expect. It doesn't look like a guys place. I'm not sure of the details; it sounds like his mother used to live with him but she died a few months ago.

When I checked my messages the next morning, Brian had called a couple of times and was wondering where I was.

I was over at Brian's last night. We got into a huge shouting match. He was venting about the Seattle traffic problems and how Microsoft has made it worse and he wouldn't stop. I got tired of listening to him after a while so I tried to shut him up. That didn't work. No matter what I tried to calm him down, he would get more and more agitated. Then my voice started to raise. Brian responded in kind. Finally, he just blew up. His face turned beet red and he kept shouting a long stream of curses and complaints. It was only after I started to leave that he calmed down.

Later on, he apologized for getting angry at me for something I have no control over.

The Code Red virus and it's varients have hit work. Some of my co-workers have had to rebuild their machines. I applied the patch a long time ago and haven't been hit.

Mark, the guy who wants to make me his sex slave, has contacted me again. He wants to get together this weekend. I'm half and half on this. He really wants to parade me around in public. I am not ready for that.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He's not totally happy with his new BF. Not that he his not in love or that their relationship is on the rocks. It's really just a personality difference. Harry is much more social than the BF. Harry likes to get out and do things-- hike, visit people, stuff like that. The BF is a real homebody. Harry said that he misses going out.

So, to win Harry back fairly, I have to be interesting. I have to live a good, fun life. This sounds like a plan I can stick with.

One of my work computers is dieing. Occasionally it will make a noise like a circular saw. I guess one of the hard drive bearings is going.

I bicycled a bit on Sunday afternoon. They've put a few new bike paths in Redmond, so I followed them around to see where they go. It's not really exciting. Mostly the weave behind strip malls and go no where usefull to me.

I worked out after cycling. Unless my shoulder kicks up again, I'm going to resume working out 3 or 4 times a week.

Brian wanted me to come over to his place. I said no and told him I wanted to go to the Cuff. Brian said he didn't feel like going out.

I went downtown to the Cuff. Who should be there but Brian. Bruce was also there, wearing his Utilikilt. We talked a bit. Brian and Bruce had been talking for a while. Brian said Bruce was a big hoot. Brian got a big laugh off of the kilt.

I circulated and talked to a few people that I only see at the Bars. I spotted a cute guy that I wanted to talk to, but he was occupied by friends. One of them may have been his BF.

Brian's friend Steve showed up at about 10pm. I told Steve that we had to get Brian another boyfriend. Steve looked at me like he didn't realize that Brian and I weren't really seeing each other.

Brian wanted me to come over Monday night, but I said no.

Friday, I worked out, and went to the Cuff. I ran into Bruce there. He was wearing a Utilikilt He thinks it's butch. I just shook my head. I also ran into Alan, and his partner Jake. I haven't seen them in a long time. Alan, Bruce and I all work for the same company. I haven't seen Alan in over a year.

Brian was also there. He invited me over to his place Saturday night, but I put him off saying that I had some friends to visit.

Satuday, I didn't do much during the day. At the evening, Frank (The guy with the car fetish) came over for dinner. It was fun. We had food. We had sex. We were in the middle of watching a movie when Brian called.

Brian was royally pissed-off when I told him I was having a date. We fought a little on the phone. Then I told him I had guest, and I had to go. Brian said that if I didn't go to his place, that he'd come over to mine.

Well. I guess I'm weak. I told Frank that a friend of mine needed to talk and have a drink, and asked Frank to leave. He was nice about it, and did so.

I drove over to Brian's. We fought on and off for about 2 hours. Brian wants a boyfriend so bad. He's very much in love with me. But I don't feel for him at all. I told him that we shouldn't sleep together, that it's slowing both of us down. Brian said he needs my support right now, cause he's going through a lot.

Brian and I ended up sleeping together. The next morning he made me breakfast and we watched the Blue Angels on TV. He wants me to come over tonight, but I told him no. I need to tell him that more often.

Well, I slept over at Brians last night. He's going through a lot of stress right now. The law suit against his former employer for wrongfull dismissal is next week. It looks like he's going to win, but it will be a slugfest.

Darren emailed and wants to get together again. I wrote back thanking him and said I wanted to see him again too.

Saturday, I've got another date with the car fetish guy.

I also met a lawyer online that I want to have a drink with.

Yes, I am a desperate jerk. I really want to meet a good man, and the bars just don't seem to work. So, I've turned into an internet slut.

A while back I placed online personals ads on a couple of systems. I've only had one reply back, from a woman, so I double checked that I placed the ads in the M4M sections. The woman only wrote "you are special." I replied to her "Thank You." She wrote back with "u r welcome"

I did have a date to night with another guy, Darren. It was good. I can't tell how attracted he was to me. He seems to be on the rebound from his last relationship. I'll write him and thank him for dinner, and see if there is more interest.

Brian wants me to come over tonight.

4

Kewl. I just paid to make my blog free of ads. It looks weird now. I subconciosly expect every web page to have a banner at the top. Maybe I'll find something, to fill the void.

Harry phoned today. A friend of a friend was looking for a job at Harry's company. Harry told me that his company has a hiring freeze on right now.

Afterwards we talked about our relationship and why it didn't work out. He said that if we tried again, it wouldn't work again. I told him no, that wasn't true. I also said that I loved him. He thanked me for saying so. I wished he and Chris (His new boyfriend) a good life.

I had a date last night. It was ok. I don't know if I'll fall in love with the guy but he's definatly in the right ball park. He's got a car fetish. He owns 10 cars, mostly weird european shit like Fiat, or Lada.

It felt good to be with a normal, non queeny, non violent man.

My parents are still here. They're just taking it easy and touring around. They are having a small problem with the trailer. The trailer battery is loosing it's charge after a day.

No, my parents aren't sleeping in the trailer. They are sleeping in my spare bedroom on a good bed.

Dinner went ok. Brian was on his best behaviour. After dinner we took a walk along the Kirkland Waterfront and had some coffee.

I'm back to work today, although my parents are still here. I think they're going to take a drive through the mountains.

Another routine tour-guide kind of day.

We drove to the Boeing tour. We got there at 10am, but the first free times were 1pm. So we bought our tickets and drove to the Mukelteo waterfront. We walked around for a while, had lunch at Ivars, saw the lighthouse and then drove back to Boeing.

I've done the Boeing tour 3 times now. It's ok, but nothing exciting. You see a couple of films about boing, then the drive you around the buildings, and tell you what they are for. Finally they bring you into the factory and let you watch from a balcony about 3 stories up from the floor. So, you don't really get to see that much.

We're having dinner tonight with Brian at the Foghorn. That will be interesting. Brian can have a very abrasive personality, especiaily around strangers.

My parents arrived at about 3pm on Saturday. We chatted a bit, had dinner at Becks, watched TV, watch "Contact" and then went to bed.

Sunday morning we went to the Seattle Aquarium, had all-you-can-eat pizza at God Father's and then watched two Imax movies "Mt. St. Helens" and "Island of Sharks."

We drove home in the afternoon, had a nap and some early supper. I had a hocky game at 7:30, so they came along and watched. We won 6-3. My game was fairly strong, especially considering I haven't played in two weeks.

When we got home we watched "The Iron Giant"

I should get a few more movies. They are good way to spend time with my parents without having to talk to them.

Brian wants to take my parents out to dinner tomorrow.

Last summer Harry gave me some roses that I dried and kept in vase. Last night I threw the roses out.

I went downtown to the Cuff. It wasn't that busy. I was in a bad mood, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. This fairly good looking man walked up to me, introduced himself and asked me if I was submissive and was interested in slavery. We talked a while and I agreed. I thought, "what the heck, why not. Try it and see what it's like" The guy, Mark, wanted me to take off my shirt at the Cuff, and let him handcuff me right there. I told him no, not till we were someplace more private. (Great slave I am) We walked back to his SUV. At the SUV, he asked me to take off my shirt. I did so, he handcuffed me. I sat in the SUV, and he blindfolded me for the trip. It was weird-- I didn't feel out of control, but I was trusting a stranger more than I should have. Physically I'm a very big man. (6'6'', 210lbs) So, it's very hard to intimidate me.

Spent the night at Marks. I slept in shacles. Mark wants to get together again. I don't know. Maybe.

My parents still haven't arrived.

I spent Wednesday evening with Brian. This time at his place.

My parents are arriving in Seattle this weekend. Probably on Friday. They are driving across the country.

I sort of had a date tonight. I met him a while back (more than a year ago) at the Eagle. Nothing happened then. He tracked me down over the internet. He was a nice enough guy, so I asked him out. We had a beer together and then went to his place and necked. We played around a bit but after a couple of hours we gave up and I went home.

He's covered with tattoos from head to toe. He's still getting more tattoos. When I asked him what he was doing on Sunday, he said he was going to the tattoo parlor to get one finished, and he pointed to a large unfinished tiger that was on his fore arm.

I didn't feel like being along last night, so I invited Brian over for dinner. He's having a tough time at work. He's doing a good job, but he's not handling the stress very well.

F now has a show on cable access TV. Bruce is producing it. The first eppisode was last night. F and a friend of his review movies. Not current movies, but older ones. Every week they pick a theme, and then review movies along the theme.

Oh yeah, I'm a permanent resident now.

I got the stamp on July 11. It took me half a day of waiting in lines to get the stamp.

I showed up at the INS office at 7:30. There was already a long line. The office didn't open till 9:30. The line was enormous by that point. I didn't get in the building till about 10:00. At that point, I got my number and sat down in a waiting room. My number wasn't called till 1:30pm. It took the guy all of 3 minutes to stamp my passport and process my paperwork.

Over the weekend something weird happened between Brian and Bruce. Neither will tell me really what happened. Both are making strange references.

Last Sunday, after Bruce picked me up at the airport, we went to the Cuff for a drink and ran into Brian. Brian mentioned something about running into Bruce at the Eagle and that Bruce put on quite the show. When I asked what happened, neither would say. Bruce said he drank so much he couldn't remember. As Bruce and I were leaving the Cuff, Bruce mentioned that, at the Eagle, he lost his temper with a guy and was ready to break is nose.

Last night Brian called me. He told me on Friday he went to the Eagle. Bruce showed up, was drinking a lot and kissing and talking to everyone. Eventually Bruce started talking to Brian. Bruce tried to talk about me but Brian didn't gossip. Eventually Brian told Bruce to go away.

Other than that, Brian said that Bruce isn't happy with his life and probably doesn't like it when Brian and I get together. He suspects that Bruce has a crush on me.


I had a internet date last night. He was a nice guy. He's going away for 10 days for vacation. When he get's back I think I'll try to get together with him. We'll see.

I'm back in Seattle now.

Saturday afternoon and evening, I went over to J&E's for a BBQ. My friend R was there. He just got back from a 6 week vacation in Iran (!!!). R was born in Iran but his parents left the country so that R didn't have to join the army. Now Iran has relaxed it's rules. expatriates no longer have to serv.

J&E went to Malaysia last spring. They bought dozens of pirated movies for $2.00 each. About half of them didn't work. We ended up watching a copy of "Heartbreakers" The copy was fairly crappy. It looked like some guy copied it with a video camera in a movie theater. You could hear the audience laugh. The movie was slightly tilted, and the left-most inch cut off.

Afterwards we played screw-your-neighbour (A card game) and Monopoly until 2 in the morning.

Next morning, I took J&E and their Baby J out for breakfast. Then they dropped me off at the airport.

The movie on the flight back was "Heartbreakers"

Bruce picked me up at the airport. We had dinner at Bimbo's and drinks at the Cuff. Then I went home, cleaned up a bit, and went to bed.

Today is my last full day in Toronto. In a while, I leave for a BBQ at J&E's. I spend the night there, and then fly out tomorrow morning.

Friday during the day, G and I tried to connect his two computers plus his cable modem, all together on one network. One of the computers is older, so we couldn't use anything out of the box. We failed. We could get the two computers talking to each other. or one computer plus the internet, but not all three.

We swam in the afternoon. It's very hot here right now. You just walk out side and within minutes you start sweating.

I went downtown and spent the evening with Liam. We had dinner at a new Indian restuarant and then beer at the Black Eagle. Nothing has changed at the Eagle in 4 years. Most of the old bartendenders are still there.

I was fairly popular at the Eagle. 4 or 5 guys came on to me. It was a good ego bost, but I wasn't in the mood to have a one night stand.

I ran into Paul who is an old friend of Bob, my ex. Bob and I lived together in 95/96, but then Bob left me for another man. I haven't really seen or heard from Bob since then.

Paul couldn't wait to dish out some gossip with on Bob. When I was talking to Paul he said "Have you run into anyone from your past. A.K.A. Bob" He then told me that Bob is dating a hot 23yo (Bob is around 44). Paul hinted that things were not going well. He said that "Bob was paying the price, if you know what I meen." I didn't know what he ment, but I didn't care to dig deeper.

Liam went home after the Eagle. I went to the Barn. There's another bar where nothing has changed. The Barn was too hot and to packed. I left, had some ice cream (The basken robbins on Church St is open till 3am) and then crashed at Liam's place.

In the moring, Liam and I had breakfast and then said our goodbyes. It could be a long time before I see him again.

Wednesday during the day, I toured around my old haunts. I walked by the apartment building where I used to live. It's still very run down. I used to live at the cross of Shuter and Sherbourne-- one block away from crack central. The rent was cheap and it was close to work.

Then I walked to Church and Wellesly, had lunch and drank a few beers at some of the bars I used to go to. Not much has changed. Even some of the bartenders were still the same.

I took the subway back up, and spent time over at M&S's. Later in the evening, I went to a softball game with S, J, J and F. I played one inning. The ball only came to me once.

After the game we had dinner at Jack Astors.

After Jack Astors, we had coffee at F's place. F just got a $4000 aquarium, so he's showing it off to everyone. It's kind of funny because his apartment is so small and the Aquarium is so big.

Today, G&J&Y and I went to the Fork's of the Credit River Provincial park. We hiked to the water falls. It was fun, but much work since we had to carry Y most of the way. Y has just started walking, so anything other than perfectly smooth ground is a challenge.

Drove back to Toronto, and I went downtown. I had dinner with Liam. Then we went to Woody's for a beer. Woody's was packed. Woody's was busier on a Thursday than I've seen Seattle bars on a Saturday.

Liam seams a bit unhappy. I think he wants a BF. He says he's happy being single, and just wants a couple of fuck buddies. But, I think his needs are deeper than that.

Most of the gang went to the Zoo on Monday. They re-did the gorilla exhibit. We also saw the polar bears and their cubs. It was weird hauling around 4 babies. It's a lot of work. After we drove home, I had a nap.

M&S are both unemployed right now. M should have to the skills to get a good job, however she'd rather stay home with their baby right now. S always seams to be loosing his job.

Monday evening, I went downtown, and had drinks with Liam. He's doing ok. We talked about the re-rise of AIDs in Toronto. One thing I noticed here, that I didn't see in Seattle was these very muscled guys with very thin faces, like their cheeks had collapsed. Liam said that for some guys who had been on the drug cocktails for 5 years, the cocktails would lose there effectiveness. The end result was that full blown AIDS is resurfacing. I didn't see this in Seattle, although I don't live in on Capital hill so I rarely see HIV+ guys. When I lived in Toronto, these guys looked healthy. It's only been with the passage of years that the change has slapped me in the face.

I moved to Seattle from Toronto 4 years ago now.

We also talked about maintaining friendships with straight couples after they have kids. Already my friends have changed a lot, and I have to put much more effort into our friendships. Liam told me that it gets even worse as the kids grow up. At least now, the babies aren't too mobile and can't talk. But in a year or two, the babies will be all over the place and my friends must be on constant guard. That's when they really change.

Even so, I will continue to put effort into staying friends with them.

Tuesday, G&J's baby Y, went to day care. G&J and I went to Ikea and bought some furinture. Then we went to Milestones and had a baby free lunch.

In the evening, we went over to J&J's for dinner. J&J also have a baby who is about 6 months younger than Y. Just as G&J were leaving, my other friends, E&J and M&S showed up with their babies. We sat around and chatted a bit more. G&J left early because Y was getting cranky. E&J left next. Finally, I walked M&S and their baby back to their place. Then I walked home to G&J's

So many babies.

I'm in Toronto now.

I flew a red eye from Seattle to Toronto and arrived Saturday morning. G&J picked me up at the airport, we drove back to there place where I slept a bit more. G&J have a baby, Y, Y has grown a lot from the last time I saw him. He's walking now. G also told me that J is pregnant again. I'm happy for them. I kind of want a kid. Being gay and never having stable relationships prevents that possibiltiy.

In the afternoon we went to a picnic at a friend, F's place. The guys were playing crockette on a huge field with parking lots all around it. If you wanted to, you could hammer your opponents ball dozens of meters away.

In the evening I went to Paul's dinner cruise. I've known Paul for years. It's his 50th birthday, so he rented a ship for a nice dinner cruise. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in years. Many of them haven't aged gracefully. Some of them have. I ran into a guy, John, the I've been making googly eyes with for years. Unfortunatly, when he's single, I'm in a relationship, (or moving to another city) or vice versa. He's dating someone now, but it's a long distance relationsip. John and his BF will be in Seattle in mid August, so I'll see him then.

The cruise was beautiful. The Toronto skyline is georgus at sunset. A tall ship sailed past us as the sun was going down. I kicked myself for not bringing the camera.

Today all my straight friends came over to G&J's for a BBQ. Many of my friends now have baby's so we talked a lot about the kids. Someone lamented that all conversations turn into conversations about baby poo.

The kids are cute though. They are all between 6 and 16 months. Y is 16 months. He's just getting the concept of moving things around. When he was playing with a crockette hammer trying to hit the ball, he was kept swinging wildy and randomly.

Once when one of the babies fell off of a wagon and started crying, all of the parents (8 people) instantly stood up and clapped and cheered for the baby. When the baby saw the cheering parents, he stopped crying. The parents did this reflexivly, without thinking about it. Keeping their kids happy has become a second nature.

At night, G and I had a talk about careers and how we are both working for money but not love. Unfortunatly we don't know what we love. So we can't give up our jobs to go where our hearts lead us. When you are in this position earning lots of bucks is a good substitiute for happiness.

I went to a sex club tonight. Lately, my libido is going all out of control. It's starting to affect my work. I need a boyfriend, or something, badly.

First I was going to go to a different bathhouse down the street, but as I was walking to the building, I saw I guy I work with enter. I didn't want to get friendly with my work mate, so I kept on walking.

At the second club, I ran into Tom. Now, Tom is a friend of Brian's ex. So I'm wondering if my appearance at the sex club will get back to Brian. Cool gossip about Tom. Tom has been arrested 6 times for indecent exposure. He has a pubic sex fetish and keeps getting caught. At one point he was asking Brian for referrals to good lawyers. That's how I know all this.

Man-o-man I sound like a tramp.

Bruce has become something of a social butterfly. He's freuqently posting to the gay aliases at work. He's trying to organize a team for the upcomming company picnic. He's trying to drag a lot of his friends to the weekly gay's at work lunch.

He does too much gay stuff. I really don't want to be involved.

Last night I had dinner with Brian. It went OK. He told me that while he was in Florida some one stole his rental car ( a 2001 Cadilac Deville) He declined insurance on it, so now he's scrambling to make sure his home/auto insurance, or his credit card insurance covers it.

On Friday, I leave for Toronto for a week of Vacation. So, my posts may be a bit sporatic.

I had lunch with Bruce today. He told me why he was avoiding everyone. He said that a week ago on Tuesday he went to a sex party and had unsafe sex with a guy. The next day the guy told him he was HIV positive. He got tested the following Thursday, and the result came back negative. He has to get tested again in a couple of months to confirm that he is still that way.

Talked to Harry today. I think the glow is wearing off of his relationship. He mentioned that his BF works a lot, and that he had to remind the BF to spend some time with him. Harry said that all he did last weekend was work on the lawn. His birthday party was Saturday night, but not a lot of people showed up.

We talked about hiking and camping. He said he had a lot of fun last year when we went to the Greeder Lakes. I agreed.

I have to think now. If it's really going to end between Harry and the BF, I really have to be sure I want to be with Harry. No more jerking him around. On the flip side, all relationships go through good times, and bad times. Maybe they are just in a lull right now, and things will pick up.

I know I want to be with Harry. The question is, do I want to be with Harry for the rest of my life.

I'm stiff. I'm sore. I'm tired.

Over the weekend my softball team and I went to Portland for a tournament-- the Cascasde cup. We ended up playing 4 games on Saturday, and 6 games on Sunday. Even though I was constantly putting on SP30 sunblock I got a dark tan.

The short story... we placed second!

We arrived Friday night. I didn't stay out late because our first game was at 8am. We went to a couple of bars, Scandles and the Three Sisters, and then back to our hotel. Chatted for a while, and then went to bed. A couple of the guys pointed out that I sometimes, I am not very optimistic. I'm not negative, but I'm more of a realist than they prefer.

Got up at 6am the next morning. The fields was about 30 minutes outside of Portland, so we needed lots of time.

The tournament was 2 games round robin, followed by double elimination.

The first game was against Portlands #1 team, so we were a bit nervous. But... we won. A couple hours later, we played against the Huffin' Puffin from San Francisco. We lost. They are a very strong tream.

We played the next 2 games on astro turf. It was Hell. The Astroturf field was at least 20 degress warmer than the regular fields. The Astoturf was much more springy and flat than ground, so the ball bounced high and rolled for ever. You can't slide on Astoturf.

I'm not sure of where the next team was from. I think it was Vancouver. We won that game.

Then, we played the Huffin' Puffin again. We lost again. The Puffin was a very consistant team. They didn't have home run hitters, but they did have solid defense. Offensivly, none of them were very weak.

Since this game was part of the double elimination, one more lose, and we would be out of the tournament. Because of our mediocre first day, we earned a Sunday starting time of 8am. We were all tired, so we went bed early.

I don't remember the names of most of the teams we played on Sunday.

We won our 8am game, rested an hour, and then entered softball hell. We played 5 games back to back. The first three were on the Astroturf. It may have worked to our advanage, Since we played two previous games on the Astroturf, we knew how to handle it better. We won them.

The middle game ended weirdly. It was the bottom of the last inning. We were at bat. The score was tied. The bases were loaded. The piture ended up walking the batter. It was a very undramatic ending to a very tight game.

The next game was on real ground. We played against the Grumpy Puppies from Portland. Another close game, but we won. That gave us second place.

The Championship game was against the... Huffin' Puffin's! The Puffin's were very well rested. Because of their strong Saturday, they had only played one other game on Sunday. Well, we lost to the Puffin's again. We really broke down from exhaustion. It was hard running, it was hard catching, it was hard hitting. Plays that otherwise would have been easy took so much effort.

They ended up base hitting us to death. No monster home runs, just sold, simple hitting.

It was still fun. I didn't expect to take second place at all. After we lost 2 games on Saturday, I thought we would lose early on Sunday, and then just bumb around Portland for the day.

I drove back to seattle with one of my team mates, took a shower, ate a bit, and then hit the sack.

L and I went to my Company store today, so that he could buy some of our software for cheap. I thanked him for the hike yesterday. We talked about Bruce. Bruce has changed the message on his home answering machine, so he's still around. He's just playing hard to get.

We also talked about the other guys we hiked with. As I suspected, at one time or another, L had sex with all of the men. L has sex with everyone he knows. It's kind of weird. L and I have only had sex once, and back then, I was hoping to date him.

Many people are away on vacation. The freeway is quiet. There is plenty of parking at work.

Got my hair cut this morning. My barber asked me if I was a fireman for the city of Redmond. I said no. Later on he started running down "those fucking yuppies." I didn't mention that I was a yuppie. I'm not overly proud of it. There are a lot of normal guy jobs that I'd rather be doing. Unfortunately, they pay much much less than my cushy yuppie job. And while money isn't everything, it is still important.

Softball practice this morning. My catching is strong again. My hitting is almost back to normal. Afterwards, my shoulder was a little sore. If I stretch it, I'm ok.

Went hiking with L, and a bunch of his friends. We went along the middle fork of the Snoqualmie River. It was very scenic. Oddly enough, about two thirds of the people we walked by were gay or lesbian. One of the guys joked to L, "Where did you look up this trail, the Damron Hiking guide?"

Afterwards we had a BBQ by the river. L and I tried to go swimming. The Snoqualmie River is glacier fed so it's very cold. Maybe 50F. I intended to swim across the river, but when I got in and swam a bit, I could feel my muscles shutting down from the cold. It's a weird feeling. So I turned around, and hung out by the shore.

Where we hiked, there is a neat arch shaped footbridge over the Snoqualmie. Instead of walking on the pedestrian part of the bridge, I played dare devil, and climbed over the arch part of the bridge (I'll link a photo as soon as I get one)

I'd like to go there again. The directions are Exit 34 off of I-90. Go North. Take a right turn just past the Texaco station. Go 12 miles.

On the way back we planned on stopping at Twede's Cafe (The restaurant in Twin Peaks) for dessert, but it was closed. So we said good buy, and parted ways.

Something is up with Bruce. He hasn't returned my email, or my phone calls. L said Bruce was doing the same thing to him. So L called him up and left him a message basically chewing Bruce out. Bruce called L and apologized. L said that Bruce sounded bummed out about something. L asked if Bruce was going hiking with us, but Bruce declined, saying that he had a personal thing he had to deal with.

I just got of the phone with Harry. It was weird. He had a gay-lisp in his voice I don't remember hearing before. I also didn't miss him as I was did in the past. It makes me think that I've been pining for a fantasy Harry. That the real Harry is different and I'm not really attracted to him. That my real problem is that I'm lonely, and that Harry is the closest thing I've met to a guy I could settle down with. But, I'd be settling, I wouldn't really love him. I hope I convince my heart of that. I think I'm really out of touch with my emotions. I never know what I'm going to feel until my emotions slap me in the face.

I worked out fairly hard last night (Before going to the bath house) This morning I could feel my shoulder. It's much better than it was, but it's still stiff. I also had physio this morning-- ultrasound plus half a dozen tedious little exercises. They are reevaluating next me at my next appointment.

Ok, I did the nasty tonight. I went to a bath house and had sex with strangers. It's something I do once or twice a year. Lately, I've been reading so many personal adds, and trying to meet someone to date that it's seriously cutting into my time. I guess I'm a bit obsessive that way. It's frustrating. I was fairly sure that getting just one good BJ would cure me, at least for a while. Well, I got one good BJ.

Not that a BJ is a substitute for a relationship, but in a pinch it will do.

Didn't do much today. Had a lunch date with a guy I met on the internet. It was ok, but I don't think I'll ask him out again. I cycled a bit in the afternoon. Very close to my townhouse, some new townhomes just went on sale. A unit similar to mine is going for $80,000 more than I paid four years ago. Yikes! I knew Redmond real estate was hot, but I didn't think it was that hot. I just worked it out; that's 8% grown a year.

Went down town and had beer at Changes with my softball team. I left at about 7pm, and went to the Cuff.

We play in a tournament in Portland next weekend.

On Saturday, the Redmond Town Center had a vintage racing car show. It was cool. Lots of old Ford Cobras with a sprinkling of older Porches, Corvettes. Some of the older engines didn't have air filters. The air intake came from horns pointed directly at the wind scoop. It made the engine look like a music box.

Went to the Cuff Saturday night. Met a nice guy there. He's a bit over weight and he smokes, although he tried to hide that from me. We first met a few years ago. He said he was in a bad relation ship for the past 2 years. The guy ended up stealing about five thousand from him. I gave him my number, and told him to call if he wanted to play pool some night, but no dating; he is very much on the rebound. He agreed and said he didn't want to date anyone for the next four months.

Not much happened Friday. Bruce drove up to Vancouver. Brian is down in Florida.

I had softball practice. We scrimmaged with another team. It was the first time I played in about a month. My shoulder is ok. It was a bit sore afterwards, but stretching helped it.

Went to Changes after practice. Nothing happened there.

Went to the Eagle after Changes. The Eagle was playing trailers for sick horror movies. The previews had lots of blood, boobs and women being mutilated-- just what I wanted to see on a Friday night at a gay bar. I walked out to the patio, finished my beer, and left.

Avoid the following movies..."Last House on the Left" , "The Mad Doctor Of Blood Island", "Man From Deep River". There was also some movie about women in a Nazi convention camp, but I don't remember the title.

Played hockey again tonight. We won 6-5. I had a much better game. Two goals went in on my shift. They were both flooks.

Afterward we went out for beer at a bar next door to the rink. We talked to Spencer for a while. Spencer used to be a sub goalie for our team. He's now playing forward for the Starbucks' team. He's a great player.

Played hockey last night. We won 7-5. My cardio is all shit. Since my shoulder went out I've done very little to stay fit. Buy the end of the game I was dying. It hurt us too; I couldn't get into position fast enough, and it cost us 2 goals.

The game was scrappy. Two years ago, we kicked a guy, Keith, off of our team. He was too creepy, it was a co-ed team, and he flashed some of the women. He was also faught a lot.

Well, lots of good gossip about Keith has popped up. Keith sold a date with himself on ebay! I saw the newspaper article on it, I'd love to include a link here, but I can't find it right now.

In addition, two other people had played with Keith before, on different teams, and they both agreed that he was an ass.

So, last night, when we arrived for the game, Keith was there. He was playing on the other team. When he saw us he said "So this is going to be the battle of all ages."

For the most part we just played straight forward solid hockey. However every now and then, a few of us would single out Keith for some special attention. Nothing illegal. Just a bit more aggressive.

Well, Keith's temper got the best of him. at the end of the game, Keith dropped his gloves, and went at it with Jacob. Which is weird, because Jacob wasn't one of the guys working on Keith. The ref saw the whole thing. Keith got a 3 game suspension. Jacob only got a 6 minute roughing.

I slept over at Brian's last night. He's still very pissed off about being suspended for 3 days without pay. He's looking for ways to get his revenge on the apprentice. From what I gather, things aren't as bad as they sound. Two things happened. One-- the company has had a rash of safety problems lately, and upper management urged the lower management to hand out stiffer penalties. Two-- Brian asked for a week of vacation, but the company said they couldn't spare him the time. So, management found a way to combine the two. Brian could get his week off (Since he's a contractor, he wouldn't get paid anyway) and management would look like it's cracking down of safety problems.

That doesn't satisfy Brian though. He want's to come out looking perfect.

Brian's going to Florida for a week for his mothers wedding. He's video taping the wedding. While I was over, he was checking the video camera out to make sure it was working. He starting filming me, and asked me to do things like grab my crotch or take my shirt off. Well, to make a long story short, I ended up jerking off on camera for him. He had a big goofy grin on his face the whole time he was filming.

That night before we went to bed, he set the camera up on a tripod pointing at the bed. The next morning while we were having sex, he turned the camera on.

I wonder if this will come back to haunt me.

My shoulder is finally getting better. Last night, for the first time in two months, I worked out. It felt good. I still have a bit of a cold, so I have to take it easy. Brian wants me to sleep over tonight. He originally pushed for Wednesday night, but I have hockey Wednesday and Thursday.

Had physio this morning.

From Clark "I just want a gorgeous man to call my own... He just needs to be perfect for me." I know that feeling very well. It's been a very long time since I felt something more than 'like' or 'nice' for someone. There was Bob, but that ended years ago, back in 1996. When I first started dating Brian, I felt things for him. But that ended, probably for my own sake. I didn't want to put up with his temper and constant fighting. Finally there was Harry. I didn't feel much for him at first, so I ended it. But I started feeling more for Harry as time went on. Unfortunatly, Harry moved on and found someone else.

I wish I knew what my buttons were. I long time ago (1996) after Bob left me, a friend of mine said "Those feelings you have for Bob, don't come from Bob, they come from you. You will feel them again." I hope so. It's been so long.

Brian is on the war path again. Last week, Brian's apprentice burnt his arms while handling some 120/240 volt wires. The apprentice was far enough along that he was allowed to handled that level of voltage.

Today, Brian's company suspended him for 3 days without pay. Brian is livid. He's never had a safety violation before. I'm not sure who's in the right here. Brian fights everything. Just to make sure he doesn't have a black mark on his record, Brian is getting his lawyer involved.

I'm not sure what to think. I don't know how much apprentices have to be watched. Brian's got to be a little bit responsible, after all the guy was an apprentice.

My gut says to just roll with it. Shit happens. If he takes the days off, this whole thing will blow over by next week. Brian doesn't believe that. He's got to prove that he did nothing wrong.

This is yet another example of why Brian and I didn't last. He's got to fight everything, and have it his way.

Brian slept over Sunday night. So slap me.

My manager is away on vacation this week. She kept to work at about noon. When I saw her, she put her finger over her lips and went "Shhh." Then she walked into her office, and closed the door. I think she left about half an hour later.

I've got a bit of a cold. Last week, if I wasn't resting, I'd get a small sore throat. I guess last night, from sleeping with Brian (I always sleep like shit when I sleep with Brian) I didn't get enough rest, so the cold has started to blossom.

I've been exchanging mail with Clark Bull. He stumbled upon my journal, and told me about his.

Brian and I went hiking on Tiger Mountain and crawled around the caves

Afterwards we went to a BBQ at Janice's. It's Gay Pride Day day in Seattle, but neither of us wanted to go. Janice's BBQ was good. There was way too much food and beer; always a good sign. Afterwards we watched "Bad Blood" on TV. It was a fun, crappy movie. Kevin and Ryan were heckling it the whole time.

Brian has a good friend who's an apartment manger along the Pride Parade route. The entire apartment complex was throwing a big Pride party. When Brian told his friend that he didn't want to go, the friend was really upset. Brian hates being around anyone nelly. I'm a little more tolerant of that, but still, it's not my favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Ok, longer story about last night. It's pride weekend in Seattle. So the bars were packed. I went to the Cuff, when I got there, the lineup was around the corner. It took about 15 minutes to get in.

Inside, I ran into J&C. Now, J&C always insult Harry; call him Mullet-Head, tease him for falling in love. A couple weeks ago while I was talking to Harry, I mentioned that J&C really weren't nice people. Harry asked what I meant and I told him that they tend to run guys down. Harry if they ran him down, and I said yes.

Now, Harry and his boyfriend where out last weekend, and ran into J&C. Apparently Harry tried to pick a fight with J&C, starting off with "Barry said that you were spreading shit about me."

Well, Saturday night, J&C both mentioned this to me. They said they didn't mind because it was easy and fun to stand up to Harry and insult him to his face.

So J&C really aren't nice people. But I shouldn't tell one; if I do it will get back to me.

As mentioned earlier, I didn't meet any one that I'd want to ask out on a date.

Brian and I are going hiking today. He called me last night at about 2:30 and asked if he could come over. I told him to stay away.

Frustration again. Went to the Cuff. Had a bad night. Only saw one guy that I wanted to meet. He went out of his way to not notice me.

Brian called at about 1:30am I guess he wants to sleep with me. I didn't answer the call.

It cleared up Friday, and I went kayaking. I scooted around the North tip of Lake Sam; from Idylwood Park, across the top, across Marymoore park, and then back to Idylwood. It was cool. There are several herons in the wetlands along Marymoore. Four were out sunning themselves on the rocks and logs jutting out of the water. I kept trying to sneak up on them, but they're smarter than that. When I got within ten meters, they'd take off. I suppose it doesn't help that my kayak is bright yellow.

Next time I'll bring a camera.

Had dinner with L. and Mark. It went well. That last time I had dinner with those two, Mark was obnoxious. This time he was pleasant. Dinner was at Siam on Broadway, followed by Coffee at Starbucks.

Mark took off early and went home. L. and I went to the Cuff. L introduced me to a few of his friends and we chatted for a while.

Ran into Terry. We talked a bit. I still want to date him, but I don't think he's interested anymore.

Ran into Brian. In fact I went home with Brian. He wants to go hiking with me, but I keep putting him off.

At noon I got together with the guy who replied to my yahoo ad. He was nice. We had sex. Not sure what else will happen.

We shipped a Service Pack, so Thursday they threw us a big party and gave us Friday off. I dropped out of the party by noon and hung around my place for a while then bicycled for a bit. I also posted a personal add on Yahoo.

I spent most of the evening surfing the internet and chatting.

Friday morning, I got my first reply from the yahoo ad. We'll see.

Brought my truck in for servicing. My service manager is very cute. Too bad he's married. Bruce met me for breakfast. There were a lot of hot straight guys at the restaurant. Why can't there be more gay guys like that? What is about being gay that makes many guys go nelly. Also, the gay guys that look tough, for the most part, are just putting on an act. It's the old hairdresser in leather thing. The closest thing I've met to a normal ordinary guy is Brian. Too bad I can't put up with his temper or his fighting.

Bruce is almost ready to go back to work. Although, it sounds like the surugery didn't work out that well. He's still having problems sleeping at night.

It's raining today. I wanted to go kayaking, but now, we'll have to wait and see.

Had physio Tuesday morning. She gave me a few new stretches and applied some ultra sound.

Work was pretty boring.

Ate dinner at home Tuesday night.

Brian called me up. (Not the Brian I met in L.A. but the Brian I broke up with about a year ago) At work, his apprentice slipped handling some high voltage line and now has second degree burns on the bottom of his arms. Brian had to take him to the hospital.

Brian is royally pissed at the apprentice and will probably hold the guy back a level. Brian also talked about firing him. One of the linemen agrees with holding the apprentice back. The apprentice is far enough along that he shouldn't need to be watched while he handles live wires.

I've got a hands-free/head-set phone that Brian calls my fag phone. When Brian calls me, I put it on, and wander around the house, doing what ever I need to do. Brian talks and talks and talks/ Every now and then he'll pause, which is my signal to say "yeah." Brian then picks up and keeps talking again.

Brian says he's been offered the job of group-forman at his company. It pays $170 000. He's not sure that he wants to take it. But for 170, it's hard to say no.

Today, in the mail, I was notified that I was approved as a permanent resident. Now all the INS has to do is manufacture my green card!

Wow. Much has happened.

Wednesday night, I went out with Eddie. He's a nice guy, but I doubt anything is going to happen.

Thursday, I flew of to L.A. to spend the weekend with Andy. Right off, Andy set the goal of getting me laid 4 times in 4 days. Andy is in a gay bowling league on Thursday's, so that's what we did first. I didn't play (Cause you have to be a leauge player) So I hung around, chatted and ate dinner. Met some nice guys, but nothing happened.

We went out for a drink at the Oil Can, and then went back to Andy's place.

Friday we went to the L.A. County Museam of Art. It was cool. I saw the "This is not a Pipe" painting. We also saw a Winslow Homer exhibit. We didn't tour the whole museum. It's fairly large, and we got tired out after a couple of hours.

We went home, napped, and went out to meet up with a couple of Andy's friends (Steven and ???) for dinner and drinks. Drinks at the Cobalt Lounge. Dinner at some Mexican Restaurant, and then drinks at the fault line.

Last week, Andy and Steven had a first date. So, Friday night was kind of a second date. It didn't go well. Andy payed Steve some attention, but Steve didn't reciprocate. As the night went on, we figured out that Steve is attracted to bears. This is really strange, because Andy is anything but a bear. So now we are wondering why Steve asked Andy out at all. At the Faultline, Steve and his friend went off and did their own thing.

After a while, Andy said he was going to leave me there to fend for my self. He was going to a twink bar. (The fault line is much more of a men in Jeans and t-shirt's bar) I ended up meeting a guy, and going back to his place. But, we did have fun in bed. Afterwards, he immediatly got dressed and told me he'd drive me home. I was kind of annoyed. I was hoping to sleep with him.

When I got back to Andy's he wasn't there. He showed up a couple hours later. We talked the next morning. He got laid too. But, he had a bad experience. Apparently the guy bit a lot (He had some bruises) and the two didn't really get along. The guy asked Andy for his number, but Andy lied that he had a boyfriend, and that "The circumstances to not permit me to do so." I think Andy was probably bummed that he was dropped by Steve, and picked up any guy that would do.

Saturday, we went to Venice Beach. I got a good sunburn. Went shopping in the afternoon. I bought new running shoes, and sun block. We went back to Andy's, napped, and then went out for dinner at a restaurant called Mark's..As I walked in, a guy at the other end of the restaurant, sitting with another man, pirked right up and smiled at me.

While Andy and I ate, the guy got up and went to the bathroom. He walked really slowly, and kept looking at me. I didn't notice it, but Andy did, he pointed it out and told me to go. So I did. Apparently, I got up so fast, that the waiter went over to Andy, and asked him if I was ok.

At the bathroom, the guy and I talked. He was in L.A. with his partner on busness. They were going to the faultline later, and hoped to meet up with me. As the guy went into the (single person) bathroom, he motioned for me to join him. I told him no thanks.

After dinner, Andy just dropped me off at the Faul Line, and went out to his own bar to cruise. It was an O.K. night. I met a better looking guy, with a great body, and went home with him. The sex was better too. Afterwards, while we were in bed, he turned to me and said "You know, if you want me to, I'll drive you back to your place." I wanted to sleep with him too. I looked at him for a second, and then told him Ok. I gave him my home phone, and email address. I doubt I'll here from him.

The next day was L.A.'s gay pride. A friend of Andy's, Paul, through a pride party. About 20 people showed up. We chatted and had fun. Paul lives about 1 block off of Santa Monica (The parade route) so it was easy to go to Paul's get a drink, and hang around in the A/C for a while, and then walk back down to the Parade. I met another friend of Andy's there, Brian. Brian is a doctor. He was a nice guy, and fun to talk to.

After the parade, Brian invited some of us over to his house for drinks. We went. Andy flirted with some guy. I forget who. Sunday was the first time I ever saw Andy flirting around. In Seattle, I never met his boyfriends. On top of that, he didn't have many dates.

We got drunk and climbed a magnolia tree in Brian's back yard.

Later on I told Andy that if I lived in L.A., I'd probably ask Brian out on a date. Andy was kind of suprised, he didn't think Brian was really my type

Lots of little things happened. I want to say them all, but don't feel like writing too much more.

This is what I want to say in bullet form...
-Andy is happy living in a very gay city only talking to gay people. That's not really what I want. I like my straight friends. I like straight acting guys. I don't want to live in the middle of a big city. I like being close to the mountains and rivers.
-If I moved to L.A, I probably would get married very fast. It's frustrating, living in Seattle, and only meeting guys where the best I can say is "He's ok, I'll have a date with him, and see what happens." In L.A. For the first time in a long time, I met very attractive men.
-After I met a husband, I'd move away from the city.
-I don't like having tricks. I want to build a life with a man.

Of course Dave and I didn't get together on Tuesday. He left me a message on Monday. I returned the call. I called him on Tuesday and left a message. He didn't return the call. This happens every time we try to get together.

I'm still seeing Eddie tonight.

I talked to Harry today. He's doing ok. He wants me to have lunch with his boyfriend. I still miss Harry.

I started physiotherapy Tuesday morning. They have me doing lots of stretches and little weight exercises.

I am now regretting accepting the dates from Eddie and David. Why can't my moral compass be faster than my libido?

Just got a call from Eddie. We are going out Wednesday evening. Why can't I ever get just one date at a time?

What would Freud say about dating someone, and their ex in the same week?

Later on Sunday afternoon, I went kayaking on the Snoqualmie.

Drove downtown Sunday evening, and hung out with some of my Softball team. We watched "The Sum of Us". It was an OK gay movie staring Russel Crowe.

Went out to the Cuff later on Sunday evening. Met Brian's friend Steve, and his new boyfriend David.

Side story on David. Brian told me this. Last week, Brian, David and Steve were having dinner at Steve's place. when Brian said he spent 4 months in jail for his DWI's, David chipped in that he once spent 5 years in prision. Brian asked him "For what?" David replied "For child molestation." At that point Brian pulled up a chair and started to interogate David. Apparently David was once married, and his wife was having sex with this 13yo kid. One time, David gave the kid a BJ in the shower. The kid kind of freaked and told his parents. Brian's not to sure about truth of the storey. He said you don't get 5 years for giving a 13yo a BJ.

Back to my life. Last Friday M introduced me to a cute friend of his, Eddie. I don't remeber much about Eddie, but today I received an email from him, apologizing for how rude he was. Which is weird, because I don't remember him being rude. I don't remember much of him at all. I'm not sure how he got my email address either. Maybe a friend.

Now, another dating circle... last November I had a date with David (a different David that the one I mentioned above) I ran into David Sunday evening, and we talked about getting together again. He said that we were both shy, so we would have a hard time talking to each other. We've agreed to get together Tuesday Evening.

Back to Eddie. Eddie is David's ex. Apparently Eddie moved from San Francisco to Seattle with David, and then David left Eddie for another man.

Last night I went over to Brian's for dinner. We watched the Stanley Cup finales (3-1 Colorado) and then went to Pegasus for Dinner. I don't know what it is about Brian, but the part of his brain that judges portion size is dead. When ever I eat at his place, he always makes enough food for 5 or 6 people. He then throws the leftovers out because he never eats leftovers.

It was the same with Pegasus. Every time we go there we leave with boxes of food. I wanted to just order a medium pizza, and a side salad, but he was sure we were more hungry than that. He ended up ordering two salads, an order of garlic bread, and a large pizza.

We left with half of it in a box.

Afterwards we went to Juanita Bay Bar and Grill for two drinks and watched some track and field on ESPN. He started talking about his old employer, and convinced himself that they are Satan, and that he has to bring them down for the good of the world.

Spent the night at Brian's. I know I shouldn't have. We talked about it, and decided that we will never be lovers, but sleeping together every now and then is ok.

In the morning, Bruce, Ryan, Jen and I went drove to Duvall and had breakfast at a Duvall Firefighters fundraiser. It was $6.00 for all you can eat pancakes, ham and eggs. It was kind of fun. We had breakfast, chatted with a few of the locals, and got some latté's, chatted some more, and then left. Bruce signed up to be a volunteer firefighter. That will be interesting, considering that he lives 90 minutes away from Duvall.

We had this bizarre conversation about what it's like to get sex change, without changing the sex you are attracted to. Why would you be a man, who wants to be a lesbian? We know of a post-op transsexual who is like that. I might be a gay man, but I am very happy with my penis. I enjoy being a man. I feel no need to be feminine just because I'm attracted to guys. On the flips side, I am not attracted to feminine guys. I can go into any redneck bar, and no one would know that I'm gay. So the big mystery is, why do so many gay guys act queeny? Why do some guys feel they need to chop off their penis?