The mother-in-law is heading back home. Mission Accomplished. She has a refundable deposit in at one retirement home for an apartment that comes available in September. She has her name on a waiting-list at another retirement home that could be available earlier.
The brother in law called this morning with his daily drunk update. He kept trying to pick a fights with the husband. The husband avoided the bait. This left the brother-in-law confused and unsure what to discuss.
Sunday, the husband, the mother and law and I toured around the area. We visited the Snoqualmie Falls. We had brunch. We drove by retirement homes that the mother-in-law may be interested in.
Since she started looking at retirement homes, the mother-in-law has become very clear on the qualities that she's looking for.
The home can't be on hilly territory. She must be able to get around on her scooter. This requirement has eliminated a surprising number of homes.
They must have a plan for power outages. She must be on a oxygen system 24 hours a day. A surprising number of homes don't have a backup plan for a power outage.
Stay away from homes with memory care. This quality is interesting. It seems that homes that offer memory-care typically don't have units with patios or balconies as people with memory issues tend to wander off or fall over the balcony. The restrictions in the building also dramatically increase as the staff is prepared to deal with people who can't think things through. She wants a little more independence than these places can offer.
Today she is revisiting the two places that meet all her criteria. The nice thing is that she can afford to wait. She can afford to sign up for a place that won't be available for months. No last minute emergency here.
The visit with the mother-in-law is going well. Each day, she and the husband tour a few retirement homes. She has found one that has a nice balance of being pleasant and affordable.
She is disappointed that her other son, my brother-in-law, is too drunk to see her.
We haven't heard from the brother-in-law today. He's been calling once a day to give us a drunk-update. Yesterday he cried over the fact that his drinking was making him sick and that he still couldn't stop.
"Why don't you pour it out?" the husband suggested.
"I don't know.... I'm not ready yet." the brother-in-law replied.
As a non-addict, I don't understand the desire to hurt yourself so much. Maybe I no longer care.
If someone runs their life into the ground, I may help them up once. At some point I've got to let go and let them figure it out for them self.
The weather is pleasant here in Seattle. Temperatures in the low 70s. The rain is abating. I've been taking my laptop to work outside.
The brother-in-law called this morning. He is drunk. The brother-in-law spent part of his morning on the phone with the husband, crying about his problems.
The brother-in-law doesn't want to see his mother while he is drunk.
The husband is letting go. He's not going to rescue the brother-in-law this time. The brother-in-law must address his own problem. No amount of our help will help. We have to accept that the brother-in-law is going to be a drunk. Helping him, cushioning his falls, helping him recover, is wasting our time.
We are back in Seattle.
The mother-in-law will be here on Wednesday. She is here looking for a senior home to move into. She is 84 and living on her own. She recognizes that she is one bad day away from needing assistance. I'm thankful that she is doing this proactively and not after she's had another large physical meltdown.
So what kind of music am I catching up on?
Mostly I'm going through Jane Siberry. You would be forgiven if you've never heard of her. A few of her songs appeared in movies and on TV back in the 90s. She was never really a chart topper
Outside of her 'popular' songs Siberry did many experimental albums and collaborations with other artists. I'm listening to those.
Work offices are now now open at 20% capacity. If we are vaccinated, then we don't have to wear a mask.
Maybe I'll start going in one day a week. I intend to work from home as much as possible.
The husband is still away. He should return from his meetings on Thursday.
In the evenings I've been obsessively listening to music. Catching up on the bands that I stopped listening to after I grew up and developed an adult taste in music. Playing online games. Eating every sweet in the house. Adulthood returns tomorrow.
The husband is away working for a few days. Meeting his team for the first time since COVID. He is near LA, while I stay in San Diego and take care of the cat.
This evening was the first time the cat let me touch her.
What have I been doing? The time goes so fast. Work soaks up most of the day. I have no problems occupying my evenings. Either more work. Or play games with friends.
The weather in San Diego is pleasant.
That cat has shown herself. Just in brief flashes as she runs from her hiding spot to her food. She will not be cuddling with us anytime soon. I am happy that the cat is still alive.
The husband and I have been touring the city. Hiking the parks. Walking along the beaches. Sunday we went to the zoo. This is a nice getaway. Tomorrow works starts again.
We are down in San Diego for another Workation. A friend who lives in SD needed a house sitter for a week. The husband arranged for a team meeting nearby. And so we are here.
In theory we are house sitting to take care of a cat. I haven't seen the cat in over a day. I only know it's still here because something is using the litter box. The owner says this is to be expected. The cat is very timid. A literal fraidy cat. The owner says it will take a day or two for the cat to warm up to us. Until then just clean the litter box, keep the food and water topped up, and watch out for cat vomit.
We had a wonderful long weekend. Now that most of us are vaccinated, we spent much of it catching up with old friends.
Saturday.... Saturday was Bate's last work day. He is now retired. He is (was?) a train engineer. We met him at the end of his run. Then we went out for dinner and drinks with a few of his friends.
Bates is excited for his retirement. He and his husband are traveling for the next few months. Then he is volunteering with a few west coast train clubs.
Sunday was the annual bear pool party at C1's and QJ's. It was very well attended. We saw old acquaintances for the first time since COVID.
Monday we kayaked again. The Brother-In-Law gathered a few of his friends and we had a small picnic at his row club.
I am the big 51 now. The husband did a great job of ensuring I had a fun few days. Thursday we had a nice dinner out, just the husband and I.
Friday we had dinner out with Yo and the Angle. We had a great time, but I drank *way* too much. On the drive home the husband had to pull over and let me vomit.
Thank you husband for being patient with me. In general, people in AA have no patience or sympathy for those who are drinking too much. Nor should they.
Saturday-- dinner with Clem and Bates. Margaritas. Bates is going to retire next week. He has elaborate post retirement plans. More at those later.
Sunday-- BBQ with the AA friends.
Life in the Seattle suburbs continues.
A sick coworker returned to work today. He told me that he has now had COVID twice. Second time was worse than the first. He had to travel back and forth to India for family reaons, so this is a special circumstance and not wanton masklessness.
Tommy reminds me that many gay men are not gainfully using their lives. Some are choosing suicide by neglect. Tommy's experience is not unique. I know many gay men who would rather drink and party than do something that's a little like work.
Let me look at my Brother's Facebook feed…. Yes he is still posting these strained anti-establishment/anti-mask/pro-gun memes.
I don't have it in me to be angry at all this craziness. I don't know why. I have heard that sometimes I act like I don't care about the world. And I can see why.
For a long time, since I was a kid, I've known that I can choose what I get angry at. With all the crazy in this world, angry won't help. So I just move on and live how I believe is right.
