Last night Bates & Clem had a spring party. I had fun. RO drank too much and is a touch hung over today.

Who are you? You found this web site by googling for a very old email address of mine. I no longer have access to that address. Please leave a comment.

RO picks up the energy around him. He is laid back when everyone around him is laid back. He is hyper and manic in a group of the same.

Usually in the morning, I get up at 6:30am while RO sleeps in until 7:00. He's barely out of bed by the time I leave for work.

This morning there was a small working emergency. I had to rush around to get ready. RO picks up this energy. He starts rushing around and doing things. He makes me breakfast and lunch! He gets everything ready for me!

This useful information. I should act panicky and rushed more often.

Last night was D's husband's birthday. To celebrate we went to see Legends in Concert, a tribute & impersonation show. The impersonators did Madona, Bruce Springsteen and Tina Turner.

They were very good. There was no lip syncing and the voices were spot on.

Tina Turner was performed by Cookie Watkins. She was fun. One of the guys with us was named 'Ike.' Cookie treated him appropriatly.

The show was at the Muckleshoot Casino. RO noticed that most of the customers were fat and smoked. He said "Shoot me if I ever become one of these people."

It was Wednesday night, in the middle of a recession at an older B list casino in the middle of no where. And yet the casino was crowded with fat people sitting around, smoking and playing slots.

The casino web site says they are looking for computer programmers. Maybe I should apply.

Whine and moan. Bitch and complain.

As I look over my writing of late, I see a lot of negativity. It really bugs me. Not everything in my life is bad. But lately, the things that affect me the most, haven't been positive.

In email, so often I see my response to "How have you been?" is "Overworked and not bankrupt yet!"

I've deliberately started to write more positively. Yet, I feel so fake when I do so.

So, am I depressive or am I in a rough patch?

RO is having a very bad day. He's already tired from working six and seven days a week. Then we argued this morning about splitting the house cleaning.

And then a customer went to the store with for a five thousand dollar refund. It knocked the wind out of him.

Oh Facebook.... This morning when I signed on, I saw the following from update from BCB, my brother...

'BCB went from being "it's complicated" to "single." '

I guess it was just a matter of time. Too bad they have kids.

Later on he wrote...

"wish i could say it was Ok.... its slowly coming apart.... shes moving out at the end of the month...."

It's been a full week. RO and I have been working late every night.

Last night RO and I went to a down town gay bar and had drinks with a few friends. It was nice to see them.

We didn't stay out late. Some of our table left for a dance bar. The rest of us, RO and I included, went home. The joke was "Remember when you were young and you went to a bar there were always those old guys who just sat around and talked. Never circulating. Never cruising. Remember how you didn't bother to talk to them cause they didn't look fun; they went home early, skipped the dance clubs. Sometimes you'd call them trolls. Well... we're the old guys now."

Sunday, mom left for home. I think she's arrived. Her phone is busy so I can't double check.

On Saturday RO & I spent the full day with her. It was RO's first day off in months. We went to Leavenworth, a little tourist town, just on the other side of the mountains. We enjoyed the view of the mountains, some decent German food, many little tourist shops, good fudge and great cheese.

JS had a crush on me. Every few years someone will remind me of this. It happened again on Monday. I had lunch with a friend of a friend. The friend asked if I knew JS because JS had a crush on me.

I say "had a crush" because JS is dead. He was in a car crash in May of 2000. He left accident scene apparently uninjured. A few days later his spleen ruptured and killed him.

I never knew JS. I vaguely remember meeting him once. He hung out with what would eventually be my crowd.

Every now and then, one of his friends will say "Did you know JS? He really liked you." This continues nine years later.

It's strange to only know a dead man this way. It's strange to keep hearing of his affection so many years after his death. I don't know if I should be flattered. Maybe I'm just looking for an ego boost.

Anways. JS, I wish I knew you.

So I had my review with the problem employee. He is weak with english so it took a while to get the message through to him. I know he eventually understood because he said "This is not good for me."

I don't feel great about this situation. This employee isn't terrible. However there is a new ruthlessness at work. The old A players are now B's, old B's are now C's and the old C's are being pushed out.

I try to convice myself that this is the right thing. Salaries are very high here and so are the standards. If you want to get paid the big bucks, a C level performance isn't acceptible.

My secret fear is that I wouldn't survive if I was hired on now. My career has had it's share of failure. My performance problems were hidden by two reorgs that took me away from managers who knew. Eventually I was handed two problems that no one else was interested in fixing. I probably had as many issues with my work as my employee has with his, but my issues were out of the light, no one was looking over my shoulder. So I could fix them quietly, under the radar, with no one around to form a poor opinion of me.

Then my manager quit and I was the only one who expressed interest in taking his place. The rest his history.

I am having a stressfull day. Today, I am supposed to start a performance-improvement-plan with one of my employees. This plan will probably result in the employee being terminated.

This morning, I had a regular one on one scheduled with the employee. I was fully prepared to deliver the hard talk. But then, I couldn't do it. The employee talkes alot and I couldn't get a word in edge wise. But, that's just an excuse.

This afternoon I've scheduled a more formal meeting with the employee. I think he knows what's up. His face dropped when I told him about the meeting.

Tommy said "we all are getting to the age that friends are 'passing'..sometimes i think that life is shorter now..hearing that some one's ex has passed just brings it to the forefront"

In some ways I'd rather believe that 2009 is a rough year than believe that I am getting to the age where my friends sometimes pass away. Monday evening we had drinks with Clem and Bates. Clem mentioned that just three weeks ago, his old ex passed away in a car accident.

On one hand, everyone dies. We are in denial to believe other wise. On the other hand I like the people around me. I don't want to face the inevitable truth just yet.

Steven will be back in town for a few days. His ex-partner Erwin passed away so Steven is in town for the funeral.

Speaking of the devil, my middle brother is in the hospital. He has diverticulitis. He is going to be in the hospital for a few days.

Yesterday was the store's big anniversary sale. It was very successfull. We got a lot of much needed cash. Sales were down 30% over last year though.

Today, I am going to make some budget predicitons for the store. RO and I need to think about these numbers and make some hard decisions. At some point we'll have no inventory to run the store on. I'd like to know that date well in advance.

"well could lil brother be yearning for induction into the great society or
is it just bad decisions on the marriage front"

I'm fairly certain that this brother is not a closet case. This one is isn't so great at the people skills.

The brother and I have always butted heads. I think he has more raw intellectual horse power than I, but he is very impulsive, he has low interapersonal and interpersonal awareness and is not very proactive. Or, to loose the management speak, he is a show off and a jerk who doesn't realize how irritating he can be. He loves mouthing off to everyone so that they know he's the big dog.

Or maybe he's a rebel who pulls no punches, doesn't need to fit in, and tells it like it is.

He doesn't understand that even though he is smart, it doesn't automatcially mean that he should to go to the head of the line, that the world won't revolve around him. Other lesser people can still do a great job and still deserve some credit.

So, he has no problem finding women since he's comes accross as a strong man who takes charge and takes care of you. His girl friends think that he will change when they get married. They will 'fix' him. Tone him down. Make him a great husband.

Of course that never happens. You are who you are. Sometimes you can polish the rough edges off of someones personality. But mostly, unless that person wants to change, you get what you get.

Being married to a pull-no-punches-rebel-who-always-tells-you-like-it-is becomes tiresome after a while.

Mom is in town. We caught up on the family gossip. Things are mostly well.

My father had a preventative MRI. Stroke and aneurysm run in his side of the family so the doctor wanted to peek deep inside his body.

My younger brother likes his new goverment job.

My middle brother is having marital problems. This brother is a long distanance truck driver who is away for weeks at a time. When he is away his wife will go out partying with new friends and get so drunk that she has to spend the night at their place.

My middle brother is on his third marriage.

JT Said... "Slippery slope. Be careful!"

Tommy Boy said... "Hmmm....the Jury is still out on that one. Be careful."

RO kind of said the same thing when I first told him. He also responded "What if I told you that I wanted to do cocaine once a week?"

For me, pot and cocaine are very different drugs. pot is more like alcohol. If you use either too much, they both have long term side effects. But, if you use them in moderation then the side effects quickly go away after you stop.

As for pot is a gateway drug/slippery slope argument. I'm not convinced of that. Sometimes enough is enough.

Another dinner with Matt and Sandy. This time with RO at our place.

So, I want to start smoking pot. That may sound weird. I've been so anti-drug for most of my life. But, something has changed. I'm stressede out and RO and I can't take much time off this year. I need to relax. So, once a week, on a Friday or Saturday night, I'd like to smoke pot.

The idea bugs RO. He feels that this idea is his fault. That I wouldn't be this way if I hadn't got him involved with the store.

Sandy is all for it. He's going to set something up.

I had dinner with Matt and Sandy last night. It was good to see them again.

Matt and Sandy live in a small side street that has more houses than numbers. They live in house #392. Next to them is house #392A.

392A went into forclosure. Matt and Sandy have been getting many confused knocks on the door for people looking for 392A. They've put a big sign on their house explaining that, no, this house isn't the one being forclosed, it's the one next door.

392A sounds like a house of doom. In the past five years, two people have died in it and a previous home owner was arrested. Matt says it was for child molestation.

When it rains, it pours. Behr has lost his job.

Vic his home from the hospital and feeling better. They are still figuring out how to manage his MS.

Vic probably has MS. All the test results aren't back yet, but the signs don't look good.

One of the Chris's had a heart attack. One of his arteries had 100% blockage. Other arteries have significant blockage. The doctors have put a stint in. He's doing OK and is in recovery.

Down in TX, Steven has broke up with his boyfriend. There was much drama, including the now ex-boyfriend calling 911 and saying that he was being beaten up. The police showed up and determied it was a verble arguement. Steven is OK.

A number of friends showed up at Steven's home in Dallas and moved him out within a few hours.

Steven says he wants to stay single for a long time.

My crowd of friends is getting old. Maybe I'm getting old. Friends with new crippling diseases are popping up every year. I no longer care about gay drama. My perspecitive has changed. Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes we bring the shit uppon ourselves by not thinking ahead.

I'm feeling philosphical right now. I wrote a rant about how Chris and Steven have no one to blame but them selves and how many of problems are really our own fault. But, then I heard about Vic and it sucked the wind out of me.

When I look over everything that's wrong with the store right now, I see that as hard as the recession is on us, that I am also a victim of my own choices. About a year and a half ago, to help the store grow, we took on some extra debt. I didn't want it, but RO felt it was the right thing so I went through with it anways. I wish I had paid more attention to my doubts. I wish I had done more planning.

My stitches are out. She said I'm a fast healer. The skin had grown over severl of my stiches making them hard to remove.

I got this email from Woofer...

Vic has been having endless pain since Christmas. There is some kind of obstruction/tumor on his spinal cord. It became apparent after a Chiropractor visit.

The pain medication has not really helped, and he is having trouble sleeping, etc.

2-days ago, it got so bad that BF took him to the hospital, and they gave him a shot that helped, unfortunately it would only work for a few hours, and the pain would flair up again.

Last night he had another attack. This time it put him on the floor convulsing, like he was having a seizure. He was having trouble breathing, and BF said his pulse and blood pressure was at a very dangerous level. He said Vic is very frightened, as things seem to be getting worse.

Vic is now in emergency at the hospital, and they are giving him round the clock attention.

The neurosurgeon will be doing more assessments and tests, and I suspect he will not be released until he has surgery to correct this situation.

I'm very scared because it is getting worse over the last few days.

Also the neurosurgeon told him and BF that this is a very complicated situation.

Just thought I would update you.

The Valerian/melatonin combo seams to work. It didn't work as well on the second and third nights, but it still worked. RO has had a lot of back pain lately. He'll wake up and take some ibuprofen at 3am in the morning. with the Valerian & melatonin he'll quickly fall back asleep instead of staying away for hours.

Valerian.

For a while now I've been looking into and trying out various herbal sleep aids. Chamomile has zero effect on RO and I. Melatonine makes us drowsy, but the effect doesn't last all night. RO frequently wakes up at three or four in the morning even if he's on melatonine.

Last night RO and I took melatonine and valerian. The combination didn't have much effect on me, but RO slept like a baby. He slept so well that I thought he took a regular sleeping pill behind my back. RO denied doing so and said that he only took the valerian. He also said that for the first time in a long time he had a great sleep and that he felt normal.

I hope that last night wasn't a fluke. At least we have a plan.

Buy the way, valerian smells bad. When I first opened the bottle I thought it had spoiled. But, after googling it I learned the truth.; valerian literally smells like poop.

RO just called. He reiterated how great he feels today; that he slept for a full night and woke up feeling energetic. He is also hopes that the last night was not a fluke. That it was caused by the valerian and melatonine.

I guess we will find out tomorrow morning.

Last night was our the store's belated holiday open house and Christmas party. The bad weather in December forced us to move it to January.

It was an odd event. More customers showed up than friends, this meant RO had to 'on' all evening. People hung around till late then we had to clean up. RO and I didn't get to bed till 3:30am.

Then, when I wolk up at 7:30am, RO was already awake. He said he couldn't sleep. He's too stressed out.

RO has been suffering from insomnia for a long time. I'm almost angry with him, because accepts it, rather than deals with it. And the result makes his insomnia worse. For example, he doesn't worry about drinking coffee in the afternoon because he has insomnia and is going to be up for much of the night anyways.

Layoffs hit my day job today. I and my team are OK. For now we will stay together. But, the scent of blood is in the air.

The attitudes of my boss and his boss are distictly more agressive. Normally they push their managers to keep head count, even the maginal types, because the cost of getting a new employee is so high. But now it's a buyers market for employees and I hear things like "If so and so attrited, it wouldn't be held against you."

Pretty! Now that I see the slice without the bandage, I feel very lucky that nothing worse happened. The cut could have easily been more deep.

I slipped off a ladder and slashed my arm on a hook. The cut is 25cm long. There are 11 stitches at the deepest part of the cut.

Oddly enough, the gash didn't hurt that much. I've had paper cuts that felt much worse. There also wasn't much blood. I was very lucky that the hook didn't go more deep, or open up any major veins.

Yesterday was busy.

The new neighbors had an open house. RO and I spend about an hour there and got to know them. They are very nice people.

After that it was off to the premier of RC's documentary. In 2006 RC was part of the crew for a team of cyclists who cycled across the U.S.A in just under 8 days. In the little spare time that he had, he filmed the team.

The documentary is very good. I don't know what his plans are for it. Maybe he'll publish it. Maybe he'll just sit on it.

Many necessay choices can be cruel, depending on which side of the fence you are on.

We have laid off people at the store. We didn't want to. We had to. It was either that or we would start bouncing checks.

At my day job, they (we? as I am in manangment) are also reacting to the recession. It's a buyers market for talent. Quietly, we are encouraged to push out the weak performers and replace them with fresh, new blood. If someone quits, the manager looses that position. If someone is fired, then he can hire a replacement. The message is unspoken but clear.

RO and I worked the store this weekend. With less staff, I have to help out on the floor. Fortunately it was steady on both days.

Saturday night RO and I went to Steven's going away celebration. Afterwards, we ate at a fast food restaurant.

Some restaurants in WA are now required to publish the calorie counts on their menus. RO and I got into an huge argument about this. I'm fine with the calorie counts on the menus. RO is very angry about this. He views it as it's excessive government involvement in business. He also said that knowing the calorie counts ruined his experience at the restaurant.

He called me a Communist for tolerating this. I called him weak letting this information ruin his experience.

I kind of happy about the outcome of the argument as we managed to finish it off with neither of us storming off in a huff. We still don't agree with each other, but such is life.

We had dinner with Steven last night. He's leaving for Dallas, his new home, on Thursday. His townhouse is empty, except for some stuff he's leaving behind. He's ready to go.

I'm not sure all will end up happily. Things aren't going well with the guy in Dallas that he's dating. The job he was supposed to have hasn't panned out. I don't think Steven will return to Seattle as a result of either, but I hope it forces him to deal with his mid-life crisis.

Much of our talk was a bit new-agey and philosphical. How each of us have our own life journies. How each of us must walk our own path. As much as we'd like we can't really change other people. This is as close as Steven is to dealing with his divorce from Vic. Steven would take Vic back in an instant, but Vic is too hurt to even contemplate that. Steven admits he made a bad. choice. That leaving Vic for a hot young thing was the stupidest thing he's done in his life. Steven regrets his actions. But, Vic can't forgive and forget.

Years ago I gave Vic and Steven a framed picture of the two holding hands on a moon lit beach. Steven doesn't want to bring it to Dallas. He also doesn't want to throw it out or give it to Vic. As far as Steven can tell, Vic has gotten rid of all pictures of the two of them. Steven asked me to take the picture back, to keep it safe.

It's all grand, like, where have you been? I still check your blog from time to time.

I was hoping to make a joke about the nice weather in Greece, but it appears to be cool and rainy in your neck of the woods.

It's been flooding here. We've had heavy rain for days and it's brought about mud slides and over flowing levies.

So far I've been lucky. My house is half way up a gently sloaping, well treed hill, so it should be ok.

I know a few people (Earin and some of RO's relatives) whose houses are now flooded.

Several of my co-workers are trapped at home because all available roads are washed out.

Last night RO and I went to see the great classical guitarist, Sharon Isbin. Clem got some tickets to the event, so he gave us two.

She is very talented. But, for me, classical guitar is background music. Sitting there quietly, listening to guitar for two hours, is not something I'd ordinarily do.

The audience was very quiet. There were at least a thousand people there ye scarcely a peep was heard. You could hear it when someone shifted in their seat, or scratched themselves.

RO and I got another cat last night. It's a pound cat... a big, fat, female, declawed pound cat.

RO wanted to get a second cat as company for our existing cat. The old cat can be neurotic when left alone.

We went to a couple of animal shelters and interviewed(!) a half dozen cats before shettling on the big fat female. The big fat female is actually fairly active. I think her weight will come down since she will have much of opportunity for exercise at our house and we will watch her diet.

So far I am very happy with the big fat female. She is well trained. We only had to show her the litter box once for her to start using it. No messes. No accidents.

Last night as I lay on the sofa and listened to music, I said to RO, "We have two cats and are listening to jazz. How gay is that?"

RO said "What would we be doing if we were lesbians?"

"We'd be listening to Sarah Mclaughlan."

"With dogs."

More random memories....

While I was waiting for dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, I started doodling. The restaurant covered the tables with paper and provided crayons for just that purpose.

My sister-in-law, who has a degree in psychology, remarked that my doodles were all enclosed, geometric and very structured. I said "Well, what if I draw a wave around it all?" and I proceeded to do so.

She looked at the wave. It looped around the whole doodle. The end of the wave met with the beginning. She remarked "Your wave loops back and encloses everything. The troughs touch the boxes in a very specific pattern. Even your waves are geometric and structured."

Fortunately, I don't believe in doodle psychology.

I'm back from Toronto. Some random disconnected thoughts from the trip...

I saw many of my old college friends. They are all married with kids-- three or four kids in most cases. It's interesting how it has shaped their lives. Having kids makes you conservative and frugal. Not Conservative in the American polical sense, but conservative in the frugal, pragmatic, considered sense.

My friend Jeanette has a niece who is very similar to her in both looks and personality. The niece's mother, Jeanette's sister, now turns to Jeanette for answers. If the sister needs to know what kind of clothing the niece will like, what kind of tasks, or trips she will enjoy, or why the niece reacted so negativly to something, then the sister will call Jeanette and Jeanette will answer with scarey accuracy.

I am worried about my brother. He plays way too many video games and watches too much television. As a result, he is very fat-- well over three hundred pounds.

My friend Liam is doing well. His adopted son is almost old enough to leave alone with out a baby sitter.

Toronto is still booming. Huge condo complexes are going up everywhere. I miss it a bit, but I'm not ready to leave Seattle just yet.

Tonight was the family christmas party. It's getting big. There were at least fourty people there when you count all the uncles, aunts, cousins and their kids.

This is a family tradition that's just catching on. Fifteen years ago, most of the uncles and aunts would attend, but it was never more than a dozen people.

As we grow older, my cousins are making more of an effort to stay in touch. I didn't realize it until years later, but there was once infighting between my grandparents and the uncles and aunts. My parents made a good effort to keep me out of the feud, but in the end I didn't see certain people as often as others.

The feud is over now that my grandparents are dead. Everyone talks again. And I get to enjoy the company of people who look, sound and act a lot like me.

I'm at my parents home in Ontario, then land were deep snow is taken forgranted at this time of the year.

It was along day of traveling. I got up at 5am in Seattle. I arrived at 9pm in the Valley.

Christmas Eve was rackus. When had the neghbors over, so we drank too much and talked until late.

Christmas day was quiet, but nice and romantic. RO and I spent an hour in the hot tub with the snow gently falling on us.

Merry Christmas! Happy New Years!

Last night it snowed another four or so inches.

Everything is a bit dreamy. Work is kind of open. The roads have kinda been cleared. Stores are kinda open. Life goes on at half speed. Every one knows the normal rules don't apply.

It snowed again last night. At least six more inches.



This is getting weird. Seattle is running in a low gear. Most people are staying home from work. Some stores are open but operating with half the staff. The freeways are quiet. People are driving, but at half the speed limit.

Snow day...

Seattle shuts down when it snows. I'm trying to work from home, but the work network is so overloaded that I can only do email.

Christmas Parties. Christmas Parties. RO and I have been attending at least two a week since December started.

It is fun and nice, but I am eating way too much bad food. This year vegi trays appear to be out of style.

It's also nice to see everyone. I'm suprized how many "Twice a year" friends I now have.

Christmas sales for the store are poor. We are down 40%. The initial boost whe had after the election is long gone.

This puts us in a bad position. With sales down by 40%, we will only earn enough to pay our bills. We will not have a reserve for next year.

All sales since September have been down by at least 40%. We have burnt up what little cash we had left.

In Janurary we must cut way back. We are going to cut back on store hours and we will lay off all of our employees. I would like to keep one employee so that RO isn't tied to the store at all times, but we may not have the cash for that.

Last night was eventful.

An old friend of RO's was in town on business. He spent the night at our place. The friend is a nice guy.

RO forgot to mention that he is still pining for this friend.

The three of us went to a holiday open house and then out to bear night. As RO drank more, his inhibitions went down. Eventually RO told me how much he wanted to have sex with the friend... and he wouldn't let it go. Fortunately, the friend kept RO off of him despite ROs advances.

Eventually RO and I fought and slept in separate beds and talked through though everything and made up.

But, this still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm in a new building at my day job. I begrudgingly like it. The 'new' building is physically older then the last building. Its walls and furniture are scuffed. The whiteboards are screwed into the walls, not modular and easy to rearrange as they were in the the last building.

I like the layout. I am closer to my team than I have ever been. As a result I'm working with them more closely. It's so easy to stop in and say 'hello' or to ask a question.

I can keep my window blinds up all the times. They were always down in the last building since the sun would shine in and overheat things.

Finally, I can park right outside my office. I'm suprized how nice it is to leave work at night, and be in my truck in 30 seconds.

Of course Portland would not be the nice easy getaway that I was hoping for. On Wednesday, RO found a hutch at an antique mall that he said was too great of a deal to pass up. However, we took the train to Portland, so we couldn't take the hutch with us. However the mall needed the space and was unwilling to let it sit for a week.

We ended up renting a one-way from U-Haul and skipping the train ride back.

Mathew and I had dinner together. I wanted to see if I could help Sandy and he smooth things over. I'm not sure they have any relationship left to smooth over. They both have issues that affect the other and neither cares enough to make amends.

Essentially, relationships only work because you put the work into them. If you don't do that, then you have nothing.

RO and I are heading down to Portland for a few days. Taking the train and staying at a nice hotel.

Last night RO and I went to see a musical put on by a local high school. K, one of the store's employee's, here daughter is in the musical.

Well... they certainly don't make high schools like they used. This school auditorium had very comfy seats and a great sound and lighting system.

A few of the songs were very well done. The co-ordination was also strong as at least one hundred students were on stage at times, singing, dancing, performing.

But, there were weak spots.

At intermission, when K asked DR what she thought, DR responded "This is the work thing I've had to sit though in my life! It's so irritating." She went on much longer than that.

There were microphone glitches. A wireless mic on one of the lead singers kept making loud popping noises and cutting out.

Several of the leads just sang poorly.

At there was too much transtion and it was too long-- three hours long.

Oh well.

For the first time in a long time RO and I took a full day off. We went to the Cougar Mountain Zoo. It's a small zoo, but very none-the-less, very nice.

We also walked through Gillman Village-- a little shopping center in Issaquah. Gillman Village was depressing. Many shops were closed for good.

Last night we filmed our first TV commercial for the store. A suprizing number of our customers wanted to be in it as a result, the commerical has 15 extras.

And things get better.

So far in November, sales at our store are just as good as they were in November 2007. I hope it's not a fluke. But, the new president seams to have calmed our customers nerves.

I am very thankful for this. October was very bad. Sales were down 60%. If things hadn't picked up then we would have needed to lay people off at the worst possible time-- just before Christmas when we need them most.

All is not perfect however. The money we lost in October meant that we couldn't buy an important shipment of inventory.

But still. We will surivive 2008.

I am happy with the election-- especially with Congress and the House. Republicans retained enough seats that they can filibuster. The Democrats may have swept the elections, but 46% of the population still voted Republican. The ability to filibuster should ensure that their voice is heard.

I like checks and balances. Especially against people who want to govern me.

As for Obama himself-- we'll see. In some ways he has been handed a stacked deck. Due to the timing of the market crash, any improvement to the economy will be attributed to him. O's bar for success is low-- make the economy suck less. Compare that to W. who was handed peace, soaring markets and a strong economy. W's bar for success was "Make the worlds best country even better." A very tall order for anyone.

My biggest beef with W-- he was too reactive. Yes a lot of shit happened on his watch; shit that he had no control over-- 9/11. the market crash of 2002, Katrina, terrorism, but he didn't handle these situations in a way that inspired confidence.

He's also made it very hard for any new president to control the debt. When you use over a trillion dollars in debt to finance the war on terrorism and another $700 billion for a bank bail out, you create the impression that you can solve any problem by throwing money at it. That is not responsible. It ignores the future-- the inevitable inflation that too much money creates and the interest that must be paid on the debt, forcing taxes to rise in the long run.

It will now be impossible to fix Social Security by cutting costs or boosting revenues. After you use $700 billion in debt for a bank bail out, refusing to go in debt for an additional $500 billion to fix social security would get you booted out at the next election.

Thanks to this charge-it mentality, there will now be no debate on fixing Social Security. We will silently add its costs to the national debt.

So, I'm not expecting Obama to return to the smaller government, fiscally conservative polices of the 90's . His hands are tied.

In any event, I still have to run my business like no one cares for it but me. I don't get to generate debt on demand. Every month we survive it's because we earned enough to pay the bills. That's the most regretable part of this election and of politics right now. We may be in historic times, but I can't waiste time thinging about it, dwelling on it. Keeping the store open and running it profitably is the thing that matters most to me.

One of the quirks of sending out 5000 postcards is that many will be returned to you; usually because the address is wrong.

This time we are getting post cards back for a new reason-- "Return to Sender. Address is Vacant. Unable to Forward."

It's sad and scary.

We went out for Halloween. A friend of our invited us over to watch a scary movie and then to hit a local club.

We'll, it turned out he had made costumes for all of us. Little Bo Peep. Three Sheep. Little Red Riding Hood and a Wolf.

RO was the Wolf. I was a sheep.

It was fun and crazy.

We won second place at the club's costume contest. $250.00! Not each, but for the group.

For the first time in a long time, the store is having a busy day. It's a combination of many little things.

We are advertising much more-- post cards to all our customers and local TV ads on HGTV.

I moved one of our big store signs today. Construction next door had cut off it's view from the road. I moved it to another side of the building where it has a good view of a different road. Or, rather, the road has a good view of it.

I think the shock of the market collapse and the bank bailout is over. People are now a little more comfortable spending some spare cash without worrying that their bank would collapse.

Finally, it's started raining regularly. People from Seattle don't like to stay indoors when it's sunny. When the rainy season hits, at first they will stay at home. After a few weeks, they start to venture again.

This Christmas can't come too soon.

What is Matt up to?

All year, Matt has been telling Sandy that he has no money because he is paying for his mothers medical expenses. Matt's mother has diabetes and has been in and out of the hospital.

Last week Sandy talked to Mom. Apparently Matt hasn't beeing paying for her medical expenses.

So where has the money gone? Sandy and Matt's mom want to have a good talk with Matt. They aren't returning RO's and my calls. I hav been getting some text messages from Sandy though...

Sunday...

Matt's mom and I need to have an important talk with him tonight.

Monday...

Matt's mom wouldn't come out of her room last night, so I'm hoping we can talk tonight. Thanks for the support.

Today...

Things are not going well. We won't be able to have dinner with you soon. I miss you guys. Sorry.

Sandy emailed RO after this. Matt is not talking to either his Mother or Sandy.

At my day job, the company is talking about lay offs. It may be contingency planning. It may be reality. I won't know for sure until it happens.

My boss and I have identified one person on my team who could be laid off. This fellow is on the cusp of being fired anyways. If he improves he'll stay. He'll be fired if he does not.

The unintended consequence-- I no longer want to coach him to improve his performance. I am hesitant to spend much time with him because I'm not sure my effort will pay a long term dividend. I have many things to do. I can only afford to work on that which will grow in the long run.

And thus I doom him. He'll either be fired for not being good enough, or he will be laid off.

RO is getting the store ready for the holidays and hurting his back badly in the process. It is very frustrating to watch him do this. He feels very responsible for the sucess of the store. The economy ways heavily one him. And the only thing he knows he can do for free is to work harder.

We made apple crisp last night; from apples we picked off the tree in the back yard.

And we met the new neighbours. They seam nice, though we didn't talk long.

Porno Story...

On Thursday, RO invited a couple of people he met on Bear 411 over for dinner. It was very nice. I knew one of the couple from way back when I played softball.

A few years ago this couple was at a gay resort. One night the resort held a contest where one lucky fellow could win $500.00 and star in a porno filmed by Chi Chi LaRue. Chi Chi is an aging drag queen and director of porno is about as famous as one could be if one were to be famous for being a drag queen that directed porno's.

The winner was a handsome young man. They filmed the next day at the resort's pool. Chi Chi showed up-- bald and with a towel wraped around this head.

As they started filiming, Chi Chi barked out orders in gravely and nasally voice "Stand over there! Your arm is in the way! Bend over more!" Order after order. There is a reason they play lots of music in porno's; it's so you can't hear the director.

At one point the film star slipped and hit his head on the cement floor. You could see the bruise. Chi Chi shouted "Let's keeping going! We are on a schedule. If you want your $500.00 you're gonna have to finish filiming."

Last night, RO and I toured around the gay bars of Kent. We were originally going to go to bear night at a bar in Tacoma, but everyone we invited to come along essentially said "You will be very disspointed. Only druggies and the homeless go to that bar."

Instead we went to the local bars. The first bar had very bad service. Rumor has it, the lesbian bartender doesn't want men in her establishment. She certainly treated us that way. At one point, I wanted another beer. I waved my empty glass to the bartender who was no more than five feet away. She looked right at me for several seconds, or rather, she looked right through me. I never got my beer.

The second bar was much more friendly, although we know the owners. They had a drag show on. RO and I watched a while.

RO is back and C2 is gone. Fall is here. It's cold even when you are in the sun.

For the first time in years, we went to Van's breakfast kitchen. Bruce, C2 and I used to go there for breakfast every weekend. That was so long ago.

The weird part about being in my late thirties is that it has started to hit me what it means to be old. I see that I'm turning into my father. Amost an curmugon, but not quite. I notice waste more, of time and of money, and I try to ride it from my life. When I see people being foolish, being young, I sometimes think "One day you will have goals so big that they will push you to the limit. Then you will wish you had used your time more productivly."

RO is off to AZ for a few days. A client hiered him to design her house. He's very nervous. This is a very rich client and he really wants to wow her.

Last night we bought RO a few new and nice dress shirts for the trip. This morning as he was packing he discovered that the anti-theft devices were still attached to all the shirts! He tried to remove them from two of the shirts, but ended up getting dye all over.

RO was very pissed. I'm sure the store will get a blast when he gets back.

RO just called. He lost is wallet on the way. I hope nothing else goes wrong.

C2 is in town from Iraq for a few days. With all his savings, he's looking for property to invest in. And with the market beeing what it is, now is a good time for him to buy.

RO and I took a day off work and we drove out to the Hood Canal with him and looked at a few places. The homes were nice-- all were on the water front, but none of them screamed "Buy me now."

In the evening we met up with Matt, Sandy and Steven for dinner at Siam's. It was a fun evening. That part of town is going through a lot of development. Old buildings are now ten story condos.

Saturday night, RO and I went to a nice mexican restaurant. The owners of this restaurant are good customers of ours. They treated us well. They upsized our margaritas. I'm sure the margaritas were 90% booze. RO couldn't finish his. I was very tipsy after mine.

We started talking about the store and what needs to be done. RO isn't ready to take action. This is risky. Some day soon, in the next six months, the money runs out. If we don't take action now, then our hands will be tied next year.

RO's point is that if we lay people off just before Christmas, then our customer service will be bad and that will hurt Christmas sales. He doesn't want to make layoffs till next year.

So we gamble on Christmas then. 2009 will be a very interesting year.

And how is Gordon? He is OK now. He is very quiet around me and he usually doesn't look me directly in the eyes. He was always a quiet man, but never this quiet. Fortunately, he still is doing a good job.

I'm hearing much more about what he wants. He desperately wants a promotion. He desperately wants people to tell him how to get ahead. That's the problem. His career is as high as it can be without being a leader. To get his next promotion, he has to turn his question on its head. He has to decide what needs to be done and work with the team to make that happen.

The store is hurting.

Sigh.

The store is hurting.

RO and I need to do some serious planning. If Christmas is not great, then we are in trouble. We need to figure out how to make Christmas great.

Bitterness Part III.

Gordon is off work today-- sick. I hope he is sick for real. He says he has a headache and neck pain. Which could be stress sickeness.

Bitterness. Part II.

The re-org was announced this morning. All is not well. Gordon, the most senior of the new people, is bitter that he doesn't have my job-- I think. It's all hearsay and the stories don't line up.

On Friday, before the official announcement, my boss talked with Gordon about the re-org. My boss says they agreed that Gordon would report to me because Gordon's work is heavily used in one of my projects. Gordon says they agreed that Gordon would get that project and people from me and become a new manager in the process.

Right now I need to listen and not pass judgement. I don't understand how such a misunderstanding could occur. I also need to be careful about what I say to Gordon in private.

It's good that I'm a fresh face that Gordon can't blame for what happened in the past.

It turns out that I have a secret management power and I didn't even know it-- I'm nice and people like to work for me.

My boss and his boss are going to to take advantage of this.

Some of the managers that report ot my boss have a few bitter employees that are threatening to leave. My boss is moving these employees over to me and my team. If I can make the bitter people a little less bitter, convice them to stay just a little bit longer and get a little more work out of them, then every one wins.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I know that it's my job as a manager to make sure the company gets value from its employees and I don't disagree with that task. It's just that, I can no longer smile and say "Hello!" to someone without thinking "I'm being nice to you so that you will work here longer and harder!"

Steven was over for dinner last night. It was the first time that he's been to our place in over a year.

He recently, regretfully, signed his divorce papers. He still wants to get back together with Vic, but Vic no longer trusts him.

Other than that, we talked about the market and economy. Steven is a real estate agent so he very senstitive to such things. It's going to be a lean year for both Steven and RO.

Bad Genes and Family secrets.

On one side of my family, I have a few married uncles and cousins who never had kids. They didn't want kids they said. With a little disappointment, the rest of the uncles and aunts accepted this. There was no shortage of children anyways-- their brothers had faimilies of 3 to 7 children.

Now my brother wants a baby. He and his wife are having problems conceiving. For answers, they went to a doctor for tests.

The test results are back. It turns out my brother has a bad gene; a gene that makes him sterile. The Doctor also said that about quarter of the relatives on one side of the family should also have this gene, should also be sterile.

My brother now feels closer to the cousins and uncles who don't have kids and is tempted to confide in them.

I'm wondering about myself. Am I shooting blanks? I've never wanted children, so the answer is academic. But still... so much of a mans ego is tied up in his virility.

I had lunch with Steven today. He is adjusting well to single life. The extra freedom has allowed him to work out regularly and now he looks great.

He is a bit lonely though. And his new job has a realestate agent is taking up many hours, so he isn't spending as much time with friends as he wants.

Gossip. Work Gossip.

I don't know why he does this, but occasionally BK will stop by my office and tell me too much information about the powers that be.

It's interesting when his information aligns with other gossip, I end up learning more than he knows.

In this case, a few months back, I heard that the a couple in our division, CE and DE, were having marital problems. CE was having an affair with our VP.

Then, today, I hear that DE is promoted to partner. Many people in the higher ranks are livid. Partners earn seven figures. While DE is a great guy, great isn't good enough to be a partner.

The VP apologized and admitted that DE was promoted too early.

One has to wonder why DE was promoted early. Why would our VP decide to highly reward him?

Hmmmm.

This is why I try not to gossip. One bit of information is innocuous. Two tidbits start a story and end with questions that have obvious, but potentially wrong, answers.

RO and I spent muc of the weekend on LCN and Brewer's boat. It was fun, but, I am not convinced that I don't want to own a boat. I want friends that have boats.

Pleasure boating is mostly about hanging around and drinking. The crowd is a little more successfull than your regular bar crowd-- since you either have to own a boat, or be friends of the boat owner-- however, it's still a heavy drinking crowd.

It may be different if I got a sail boat. That, however, is a life of it's own. I wouldn't have time to work around thouse.

Back to boating. There was a lesbian there who took off her bra and gave it to RO. RO and she danced together.

RO has always wanted to know if I have bi tendances. He convienced the lesbian to cuddle up against me, topless. It didn't do anything for me, althought this lesbian was mid 40's and a smoker.

My day job is going well. For the first time in a long time, I feel caught up, I feel like my team is in control. I want to use this time to stay ahead, but I'm sure someone will notice and give us more work to do.

Not that that would be a bad thing. My boss likes to remind me that anyone can manage a team that's all caught up and under control. Great managers get more done. That means taking on tasks are within your reach, but slightly outside of your grasp.

I took a good walk at lunch and noticed that fall is close. The weather is still very warm, but the sun is low and the shadows are long. It looked late late afternoon even though it was noon.

I think I am officially full of the Internet. For a few weeks now, most everything that I have seen on the internet is either a joke that I saw a few years ago, a rehash of a joke that I saw a few years ago or vacuous opinion.

I can work now without wondering if I'm missing something wonderful.

RO and I spent had a good long weekend. Saturday we a couple of trellis's and benches for the front yard.

We finally used the chop saw that I got RO for his birthday last year. It is a very nice saw. All the cuts were precise. This was the first carpentry project I've ever done that didn't look amature.

Saturday evening Steven had an end-of-summer party.

Sunday RO and I headed over to the sound, to Harstene Island. One of RO's employees owns a cabin over there. We renteded it for the night.

Harstene Island is very quiet. We fished, kayaked, ate, drank and had a few cigars.

Back to work now.

It's been raining often here. August is usually bone dry. The rain isn't supposed to return to Seattle until late September or early October.

Oh well...

RO and I are building Trellis's and Arbours in the front yard. Yesterday's work was cut short by the rain. So we used the time to plan things out.

As I grow older, I find that I have less patience for "Just get in there and do the work. Deal with the problems as them come up." style. It can be so wasteful.

Trouble at the store...



That's cement pouring out of the toilet at the store.

One of our sales people was in the back doing some paperwork. She heard gurgling in the bathroom. When she opened the door she saw cement pouring out of the toilet.

There is construction going on behind the store. The crew found an old sewage pipe that they thought was no longer in use so they decided to fill it up with cement.

You can figure out the rest.

Thankfully our sales lady heard the cement pouring early enough that there is not much damage to the inside of the store. Also, thankfully the construction crew decided to pour a lot of cement down the sewage line. It would have been very bad if they poured enough to block up the line, but not enough to fill the toilets.

The construction foreman is being very nice to us. They have offered to replace our sewer lines.

Our neighbours, Clem and Ross, are having a big party this weekend. People from all around the world will be there. RO and I are hosting some of the friends.

I'm looking forward to it.

We had dinner with Clem and Ross on Wednesday evening. It was good to see them. They are considering selling the house and buying a condo. As much as they enjoy their house, they both work long hours and the house is a lot of maintenance.

To those of you who got here by googeling "Carpenter Ants" "Hear Them" and "Borax," this is for you...

For everyone else, a while back my house, the roof above my bed, was infested by carpenter ants. At night we could hear them scurrying around, eating the insulation.

We tried many things, starting off gentle; vacuuming them out, flea bombs, borax and sugar. That didn't work.

We solved the problem with gallons of strong ant killer. "Bayer Powerforce" if you want to know the brand. We've been spraying about a gallon a week of the stuff around the house; into every crack and crevice and all around the base.

Finally, after the fourth spraying they stopped. I'm sure the soil and wood around our house is now very toxic. But we don't have any small kids or pets that play in that area.

I'm very happy this worked. The professionals were quoting us thousands of dollars to fix the problem. I can't afford that right now.

My sofa bed is gone. Long live the sofa bed.

I've had this particular sofa bed since 1994-- two homes and one country ago. There were many memories in it, but ultimatly, it became a piece of old furniture that we didn't want to use and that was taking up too much space. RO has never liked the sofa bed and has wanted me to get rid of it for years.

I put an ad on Craigslist; free sofa bed if you move it yourself. In the first two hours there was only one response; a nice Mexican family. They came, they looked at it and immediatly said "Yes."

Even though the sofa bed is heavy, it wasn't difficult to get it out of the house. The hard part was tieing it to the top of their SUV. Their winches kept getting jammed. In the end we cut the straps off the winches and tied the straps with knots.

The weather has been wonderful here in Seattle. Last night RO and I went to the beach to swim and watch the sun set-- nice and relaxing.

My day job is very full. A project that I picked up in the spring has become very important. However, finishing it as well as many people want means that I will have to take resources away from my other projects. That sends alarm bells off in my head, because the surest way to get nothing done is to keep hopping between projects and never finish anything off.

So, is my new project just trendy, or is it of vital long term importance? That's a hard call.

Today is my last day alone. I feel like it's my last day of vacation. I'm cleaning up the house a little bit, but mostly I'm loafing; watching TV, eating crap food playing with the computer. I'm enjoying this time off with no expectations and no strings.

This week I've slept soundly every night. I haven't done that in months.

I did fix the drain in the fridge.

RO arrives back at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Back to reality then.

RO is away shopping for the store. My parents have left. For the first time in a long time, I'm spending my evengings alone. I'm enjoying it very much.

Last night I watched lots of TV and only my favourite shows. No negotiating over what shows to watch.

I found that I'm a little nervous in the dark. Any unexpected creak or groan makes me jump out of bed to investigate.

Aside from that, I am sleeping well. RO frequently wakes up in the middle of the night. If he gets out of bed, or fidgets, or turns over, it often wakes me up. With RO gone, I am sleeping through the night.

I do miss RO. I'm glad he'll be back soon.

My parents are back in town. Last week they left for a tour around the Olympic Peninsula. They spent five days seeing the sights.

My parents traveled with my uncle and aunt who brought along their dog-- a little shih tzu. They dog is very well behaved, but it prohibited them from traveling deep into the park.

Dogs are not allowed in Olympic National Park, not because of what dogs do to the park, but because of what the park can do to the dogs. My uncle and aunt tried to sneak the dog into the park in a little puppie bag, however the wild life did not take kindly to the dog. The elk were very aggresive around the dog. They act as if they are around lone coyoties or wolves.

Aside from that, the spent a few days in at Port Townsend and Port Angeles and a day along the Ocean proper.

My parents stumbled uppon what they described as a "welfare" RV park. Usually when you go to an RV park, the park is clean and full of nice RV's and trailers. People with RV's and trailers are generally not poor (because the can afford the RV in the first place) so they have high expectations of their parks.

This park was different. The manager at the gate told them so. "You probably don't want to stay here. There is another park two miles down the road." My parents had to drive through the park to turn around. The trailers were covered with moss and mold and looked poorly maintained as if they had been there for years.

This is not the first time they've run into these types of parks. I'd like to learn more about them. I don't understand the thinking. If you are poor, why would you choose to live in the middle of nowhere? There are services, no place to get cheap food, no way to get a day job. Maybe they live off the land. If that is the case, then why would they live in an RV park?

I see that Red Bricks is enjoying his new career. I hope he keeps writing about it. I can learn from him.

Yesterday he wrote how, in management, the big dogs hang out with the big dogs. They don't go to the puppy pen. I've vaguely known that for a while. But I haven't heard it expressed so clearly before.

My boss likes to say it a different, less eloquent way-- dealing with the leaf nodes (puppies) doesn't scale. There are too many of them. And what then are their bosses paid for?

Anyways, I hope to read more of Red Brick's take on his new job.

My day job took us white water rafting. I think RO is a little jealous.

While the trip was very fun, the day was long and I now feel that I've done enough white water rafting to last me a few years.

One of my co-workers injured him self. He probably broke his foot though I don't know the details. I saw it happen. It was one of those fluke accidents where you twist something wrong and pop!

My parents are still here. My uncle and aunt just left. Over the weekend a cousin and his wife were over. It's been a very family week.

I love them all very much, but I am looking forward to getting back to my routine.

We've been keeping busy seeing the sights and attractions of Seattle; the water front, the Smith Tower, the Underground Tour, Snoqualmie Falls, The Hyak Tunnel, Tweedys.. The list goes on.

This past weekend was Kent Cornucopia Days-- the local street fair. It was a *very* busy weekend for our store because it is located right in the middle activities.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday RO put, me and my parents to work around the store. The days were long. Hell, RO and I slept over at the store Friday and Saturday night. Why did we do that? Security. The store is on the path between the rides and the street fair. Many rowdy teenagers show up during the evening so RO and I like to stay around to make sure nothing goes wrong.

Though it's not always under our control. Saturday night a teenager was shot about three blocks from the store.

Aside from that, it was a very successfull weekend for the store. Sales were significatly up over last year.

I have my bear skin rug. My parents brought it along for their trip accross the country to my place. It is beautiful. It sits on the floor in front of the fireplace.

The fur is excellent quality. This bear was very healthy when it died.

My parents and an uncle and aunt of mine will be in town soon. So, RO and I are cleaning up the place. We hired a gardener to clean up the front yard and a carpet cleaner to deep clean the carpets.

It's soo much work to make your family think you always live in a clean and beautiful home.

It was a busy weekend for RO and I.

Friday and Saturday, we dug a hole for a new pond.

Saturday evening we went to Bear & Behr's place for a BBQ. It was a big event.

Sunday evening we went to Steven's for dinner. He invited about a dozen people over. Steven is still on the rebound from his last relationship. Also, it looks like RO and he have patched things up. This is good as we'll be able to spend more time together.

Last night RO and I saw Cyndi Lauper, the B-52's, Rosie O'Donnel and a few other... uh... up and comming artists whose names escape me. Let me look... Joan Armatrading and some guy who used to be on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

I was surpised how good the B-52's were. Especially since I've never been a fan. Yeah they had a couple of fun songs back in the 80's, but, now, twenty years later, they sound and perform great.

Cyndi Lauper was also excellent. She is a great musician, but not the best speaker. Her stories between songs tended to ramble on. Her performance was almost perfect. Although at one point she screwed up the lyrics to "Time after Time." The band had a good laugh at that and Cyndi apologized to the audience, especially to anyone who was proposing marrage at the time.

RO and Steven had lunch. Steven is going through a tough time right now. He and his boy friend have split. He is very shaken.

This past year has been tumultous for him His Father died. A great friend died. He ended his five year relationship with Vic. He was laid off from work. Found a nother job at the same company, then quit and decided to work for himself.