"Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”  -Walt Whitman

My mother-in-law was an interesting character. Her sons have been reflecting on her life. She was smart and planned ahead. She could be charming and loved being popular. She was stubborn, feisty and full of life. 

I’ve added and deleted the following half a dozen times. It’s not flattering. Yet it’s there..

She was a terrible parent. She had four husbands and more boyfriends. Her sons remember a chaotic childhood with constant drinking, fighting and moving.

There was a wild trip to Mexico where everyone, kids included, got drunk on margaritas. 

Shortly after that trip, their step-father found work in Texas and moved the family there. After the move, the stepfather said he had to finish a job in California and would rejoin in a few weeks. Instead he abandoned them. He never moved to Texas. He left the family in Texas to fend for themselves.

I can only imagine her heartbreak and anger.

She once danced a man to death. One evening in Texas she went out dancing. She loved to dance. At some point in the evening her dance partner collapsed on her from a heart attack. He passed away. 

My husband shared a story from when he was 16. Their apartment lease was running out. For whatever reason, the job fell to him to find the family a new apartment. He found the apartment. He signed the lease and wrote the deposit check with his mother’s signature. He arranged the move.

My husband’s friends from childhood deeply reflect his need for stability. More than once her sons have commented on the difference between her private and public personalities. Things were always easier with their mother when others were around. This, in part, is one of the reasons they both love hosting large gatherings especially around the holidays. 

In 1990 she moved to Italy to be with someone she met on the Internet. 1990! When that ended, a friend flew her back and helped her get back on her feet. 

At the Senior Living Center, the gathering for my mother-in-law was lovely.  Maybe thirty people showed up. She had many friends. We shared stories. Every one knew she was opinionated, feisty and onery and they loved that about her. She would fight for you if you were struggling and offer her opinions if you weren’t. She always dressed well. She had high standards. She made their lives more interesting. She will be missed. 

My mother-in-law had planned well. In previous years she gifted away most of her sentimentals and valuables. This has simplified cleaning out her apartment. We don’t agonize over who gets what or what must be saved. Aside from a bit of furniture and her bar, everything can be donated or thrown away. While her sons pack, I haul things to a garbage bin or a local donation center.

Her bar and alcohol— Sunday, the senior center where she lived will host a small gathering to honor her. We will bring the alcohol and let the residents take it away with them. 

Of course death happens regularly at her Senior Center— it has hundreds of residents in their elder years. That small gathering to honor my mother-in-law… it’s a standing weekly event. 

More than once while hauling stuff away, someone has asked “Moving in or out?” 

“Moving out.” I answer vaguely.

“Awww. That’s too bad. Who was it?” 

Yesterday the police officer processing my mother-in-laws death said “This was a nice death. This was about as good at it gets. No signs of suffering. She was well cared for.” 

My mother-in-law had a large well stocked bar. The officer and I looked at it and had a good laugh. She was prepared to host many large cocktail parties. So much liquor in many fancy decanters.

Maybe it was an art project. Maybe she liked the look. 

My brother-in-law spent the night over. My husband and he are both extra-early risers. By the time I woke up, they were chatting, reaching out to friends and family and going through the estate. 

I think this will be an easy process. My mother-in-law had prepared for this. The paperwork and passwords were easy to find. My husband and his brother had been listed on her accounts. 

When it rains it pours.

My mother-in-law passed away this morning. 

I was in a work call when I heard a very pained cry from my husband. I excused myself from the call, ran to him and heard the news.

We drove to her place. The paramedics were still there when we arrived. She had been struggling in the morning and called 911. She had stopped breathing by the time the paramedics arrived.

My husband was able to spend Thursday with her. He took her to lunch and later to a medical appointment. He wishes he could have spent more time with her, but is happy the way their day went. 

We are at her place now. We are waiting for the paramedics and police to finish the paperwork.

My husband and his brother have access to her cell and are triangulating her last hours through the text messages. They have also started the unenviable job of collecting and processing her paperwork. 

We are not sure how well my Cuban Sister-In-Law is doing. Internet is very unreliable in Cuba. My brother is lucky if they exchange a few short text messages a day. He wants his wife to return to Canada. We don't know if that is even possible. 

My Sister-in-law's father has late, stage-four cancer. Would she return even if she had the chance? 

My brother knows that they have life-straws-- portable bio-filters for water. They also have been stocking up on food.

I reach out regularly to talk to my brother. His family situation is very heavy. A few weeks ago his wife, who is Cuban, flew to Cuba for a family emergency. She is now effectively trapped there until Cuban/US relations change.

Now they are down to one income and he is struggling to pay the bills.

My brother is kicking his financial problems down the road. He apologized for asking me for money, yet he's not doing anything about that situation. I offered to pay for a good financial counseling or debt reduction program. He didn't seam interested. 

We are back home. I have a bit of a cold and am recovering. 

The Sea Hawks have won the Super Bowl!

When the game ended, there were fire works and loud cheering all around. 

I’m calling my brother regularly. He is progressing slowly. Actually, he is stuck, he is not doing the work of solving his problems. 

My husband and I are in Park City for a few days of snow sports. It's quiet this year. There isn't much snow so there aren't many tourists. We are really enjoying ourselves. Fewer tourists makes it easy for us to get around, go to restaurants or ski on the few hills that are open.

My little brother reached out. He said he was ashamed and afraid to do this and then asked me to loan him $40,000.00.  Due to a series of emergencies, he is way behind on his credit cards and is struggling to make ends meet.

I said a polite 'No.' I didn't feel guilty or awkward doing so. I may have said yes if he had asked for $1000. It was easy to refuse $40,000.

This is the fourth time that I know of that he's needed a large bailout. More than money, he needs some sort of impulse control, or discipline. 

The next night my husband and I spent an hour talking with him, trying to understand what's going on. His reasons are many and varied. Sometimes it was willful ignorance. Sometimes he wanted to be the hero and help someone out. Sometimes it was plain old stupidity. 

My husband suggested that there may be a little mental illness behind this. Such carelessness spanning so many years speaks to deeper problems. 

I'm thinking back to my post on how to deal with those politically radicalized. The same lessons apply though it's difficult for me in this situation. Build the relationship. Listen. Don't rush to fix or advise. My husband is great here-- speaking with empathy to those who have made the same irrational choices again, and again. Don't correct. Don't lecture. Don't shame. The rooms of AA have taught him well. 

I will call my brother regularly and be a friend.

I had dinner with Clem and Bates last night. It's always good to catch up with them. They are excited about our plans to retire and had a few suggestions for things to do, and places to go. 

Their friend R joined us. I've known R for years through these dinners at Clem and Bates. 

R is in his early 70s. He has stage 4 cancer that's being kept in check by drugs. R is certainly cheerful, though the cancer is often on his mind. He spent a lot of time talking to my husband, who just happens to be an expert in R's type of cancer. 

More confirmation that leaving work is the right thing to do. 

And the Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl. Congratulations. It was a good game, very close until the end. 

A friend and I watched the game at a local bar. When the Hawks won there was great buzz, a great positive energy in the room. On the way home, the streets were full of people hooting and high-fiveing each other with more than a few fireworks going off in the neighborhood. 

 No forewarning of this decision with the rationale for it. No mention of the future plans - early retirement? IDK. Roderick

I’d loose you if I wrote down all the waffling and counter planning and agonizing and flip flopping. 

We’ve been mulling over retirement for years, making supporting decisions along the way. A year and a half ago we bought a house without a mortgage in a neighborhood that’s more social, though it had a more inconvenient commute to work.

Financially, for about the past year, we knew we could afford to retire. 

Even then much fear, uncertainty and doubt kept us from pulling the trigger. I am at my peak earning years in an industry that does not appreciate older employees. The decision would be one way. If we made any mistakes, we’d have to pay out of our pockets.

The politics of the current administration don't help either.

There has also been poking and prodding in the direction of retirement. 

My family, many of whom are proud of being frugal (cheap?) like to show off how little they need to live happily. Last summer, an uncle asked point blank “When are you retiring? Your body isn’t getting any younger.” He pointed out how other relatives kept busy through travel, engaging in local politics or other jobs. 

Another friend who retired years ago from the corporate life reminded us that our companies have kept us on a hedonic treadmill of bonuses, promotions and achievements. It’s addictive, but there is life afterwards. We could enjoy life without a career: 

My husband and I discussed many variations of retirement. Perhaps he could retire before me, just in case something went wrong and we needed the money or insurance. We tried a few trips where he vacationed, while I worked. He didn’t enjoy that. He wanted me to be free to join him. 

December— My friend Evan, who is my age, had an emergency surgery to remove an aneurysm. It reminding me to not take my time or health for granted. 

Most recently, there is so much chaos at work that I’ve lost energy and interest. I'd look for another job even if retirement weren't an option.

And so, we pulled the trigger. 

The plans are still open. We are going to travel a bit with my father. I want to spent more time exercising and enjoying the great out doors. After that, things are vague which I'm looking forward to. Because of my job, I've had a cell phone within arms reach, almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for over a decade. I want to unplug for a while, not have an stuffed calendar where I have to collaborate with those in timezones all over the world. 

 

Big reorg today at work. The executives who know me are now gone. So, I am more satisfied with my decision to leave. 

In late March I intend to inform the company about my departure. March is when our compensation budget closes and I don't want to allow compensation shenanigans by announcing early. 

I will leave by the end of June. That will give them a few months to find my replacement. 

Social weekend. FL is in town for the week for work and is staying at our place. 

A number of our friends have January birthdays. Saturday we got a large crowd together and went out to  a drag brunch. It was fun. 

My MIL joined us. She is slowing down a lot. A short walk that she could handle a year ago now exhausts her and she must sit down and rest. 

Sunday we went on a long walk around Green Lake with one of my husband's oldest friends. 

My husband and I had a good discussion on how to engage with those on the right. He doesn't agree with my more indirect approach, none the less our discussion was very deep.

My thoughts-- we all have a strong drive to help, to correct, to 'straighten out', those we disagree with. We hope to say "These are the facts... do you see how you are wrong? Now that we agree that you are wrong, you must change. " This approach never ends well. I never see someone change their opinion because of a debate. In fact, the opposite often happens. The people you debate dig in and loose trust for you. 

People regularly ignore the facts. They never ignore their feelings. The Republicans have mastered the art of leading with "Your feelings are right. I will fight for your feelings, even if the fight is irrational." Meanwhile Democrats are so fact based that their positions can't get past the layers of defensive emotion. "My taxes are enormous. Why should I support illegals who don't pay their fair share. Why do you support illegals?" Any rebuttal falls on deaf ears. 

My goal is to build warm and trustworthy relationships, not to correct, even though that is very very difficult.. I want to be a role model for my values. I want to let others see that I value the relationship enough to fight for them, even if the fight is a little irrational. 

I’m back in Seattle—rested and ready for work.

The news lately has been incredibly frustrating. I am literally invested in the future of this country, yet my options are limited. Of course, it would be pure ego to imagine that the fate of the nation hinges on my choices. At best, I can offer gentle influence.

So what can I do? I can vote. I can encourage others to vote as well. I can maintain warm relationships with people who are still on the fence—there are more of them than we often realize. Don't argue with them. Don't try to change their minds. Just listen. A good chunk of this faction feel that Democrats are others. Invite these people in.

I will donate to blue causes in swing races. My own elected officials are thoroughly blue. My contributions should go where they can have the greatest impact.

I also have friends who volunteer for various political efforts. I’ll reach out to see what they’re working on. Sometimes their actions are as much about venting as about achieving concrete results. After all, will an ICE protest in the middle of Seattle actually change anyone’s mind? But, you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take and sitting on my laurels won't help the situation.

This is all very rational. I've been reminded recently that irrational people can else get what I want.

It’s my last evening in the Valley. My father and I went out for dinner to mark the occasion.

For many years I haven’t spent much time alone with him. Before my mother passed, her care ment she was never far from dad. There is also family. Usually someone else is around when I visit, be-it my brothers or relatives.

It was just us for most evenings this week. This was not always easy as the two of us tend to be introverted.

Dad still drives the school bus. He is thinking of quitting as he is 82 and slowing down. His eyes aren’t what they used to be. But he enjoys driving the bus. Quitting would give him more time alone. He’s not looking forward to that. He needs a purpose. He helps others when he can.

He limits his TV time, especially news. He watches two different news shows for no more than an hour a day. 

He also watches Wheel Of Fortune, Family Feud and Jeopardy all at the same time. They are on different stations during the same hour. He flips between them during commercials or the quiet moments. It can be frustrating to watch along.

I like my dad. He is good people. He has chilled out alot since I was a kid. I hope to visit him for many years to come. 

Plus, I think I’ve convinced him to travel out west and visit us this summer. 

The Mystery of the Hardy Boy Mystery Novels

We have had a collection of Hardy Boys Mystery novels for as long as I can remember. They sit on a shelf in my childhood bedroom. I was thinking about rereading them, so I picked up one and paged through it. At the back I came across this  …

Now my brothers and I are trying to figure out where the books originated. It doesn’t seem to be our school library since, to the best of our knowledge, school checkout cards were stamped and type written. Dad doesn’t know. Mom brought the books home some fifty years ago and she has long since passed away. 

My dad’s home is deep in the woods, but that doesn't stop the occasional feral cat from finding its way there. Dad keeps several bird feeders well-stocked, and the abundance of birds inevitably attracts predators.

About two years ago, a small orange tabby appeared. While it spent most of its time hunting mice, it would occasionally turn its attention to the birds. The cat would sit motionless under a feeder for hours. Then, if a bird dared to venture too close, the tabby would launch itself through the air like an uncoiled spring. Dad enjoys watching this drama. The birds know the cat is there; they usually keep their distance. But sometimes– it is a stark reminder of the circle of life.

When the cat first arrived, it was extremely skittish. Dad could watch it through the window. It would bolt the moment he opened the door. He decided to try and tame it. Every day, he put out a bowl of food, first placing it near the bird feeder. Over a period of weeks, he moved the bowl progressively closer to the back door. Eventually, he could stand near the bowl as the cat ate, and finally, he could touch it. It began to trust him, though it would still flee from anyone else.

Dad continued feeding the cat through the fall and winter. It gets brutally cold here, with many nights dipping to zero degrees Fahrenheit, yet the cat survived. It grew fat and fluffy in the autumn and somehow endured the harsh winter nights.

Last summer, the cat vanished for a few weeks only to return with a litter of kittens. In the month that followed, the kittens disappeared one by one, until a single orange tabby remained. This kitten grew large over the summer, becoming fat and fluffy itself by the fall. The two cats would hang around Dad's home, hunting mice and the occasional bird.

Then, just before Christmas, the mother cat vanished again. We hoped for the best but feared the worst. Life in the wild can be unforgiving.

A few days ago, Dad opened the door to a rarely used shed, and there she was. She somehow became trapped in the shed. She had lost a great deal of weight and fur. She was mewing weakly. Yet somehow she had survived for days without food or water in the freezing cold.

Dad immediately gave her kibble and warm water. He built a makeshift den for her near a basement window—a place that was sheltered and warm.

In the following days she recovered. Dad continues to feed her a little extra meat and kibble. With each passing day she seems healthier and more content.

Roderick, blogging is not that hard. Join us! 

Saturday, my husband flew back to Seattle, while I traveled back to the Ottawa Valley. I’m spending another week with my father. This summer, I hope to get him to travel out west. Travel is emotional for him. I can only l speculate what is behind this.

About ten years ago, when mom was early in her dementia, she developed many phobias around travel. So they decided to stop. Mom passed away almost two years ago. Dad is still healthy and mobile, though increasing lonely. A little trip may do him good.

Happy New Years all! Toronto may be cold and snowy, but we have many friends here and are enjoying our time. 

 Lately, my posts have been a dump of facts. 

Tommy’s post has me thinking… https://bricks-on-the-red.blogspot.com/2025/12/thinking-of-future-and-good-thoughts-of.html?m=1

What is the end game of this blog? I don’t have many readers. It certainly earns no money. So why write?

I’ve always kept a journal, then 25 years ago blogs became a thing. I was deeply involved in the dot com bubble at that point and thought why not? I moved my journaling online and in a fit of madness made it public. Now we are here.

Why continue?

First, to write. It helps me collect and clarify my thoughts. It also helps me remember. These are all good reasons.

Also, I’ve found a few readers over the years, other bloggers really. Staying in touch with them is worth it.

It is disconcerting when a blogger stops writing. It’s like an old acquaintance has just vanished. I can’t blame them for not keeping on, but a good bye would be nice.

It’s been a busy week. We have started our holiday week of coffee, treats and visiting. 

Christmas eve we hosted a large dinner gathering. There were more extras than expected, including a crew from a treatment center.  We ended up with double the attendees than planned for. Still there was plenty of food.

Christmas we had dinner with my mother in law. Afterwards, we met up with C2 and gave him all the leftovers from Christmas eve. Not sure what he plans for them, though I have seen him feed his local homeless.

The 26th we flew out to the Ottawa Valley. There was a large snow storm after the first leg of the trip, so our travel plans to the valley were delayed by half a day.

We arrived by mid day on the 27th and went right to my uncle’s 95th birthday party. Relatives from all over drove up.  It was great to catch up with everyone. More pie and squares. 

My uncle is doing very well for 95. I hope to be like him.

Sunday was church. The church continues to get older and smaller. More coffee, more treats, more catching up. 

Last night, we brought dinner over to Allen and Evan's place. Evan is very sentimental right now. He cries easily. He gushes often. He thinks it's a combination of the pain killers and the emotional recovery after life saving surgery. 

Evan showed us his scar. It's massive. It starts where his ribcage meets his spin, goes along the ribcage to the sternum and then down from the sternum to his navel. 

There but for the grace of God go I.

I am baby sitting baby Huff tonight. I am reminded how much patience parents must have and how little I know of infants. Baby was crying at the top of her lungs for many minutes. I tried many things to help her to calm down. Nothing worked. Then I ignored her for 30 seconds to gather my thoughts. Baby conked out and has been sleeping peacefully since. 

Later Huff and I discussed. She can tell the difference between cries of hunger or exhaustion, but readily admitted that it is not easy for others. Entertaining baby can help with crying, unless she is tired, in which case play over stimulates her. Huff also reminded me that Baby takes emotional queues from those around her. If I look worried then Baby will copy that. To hammer her point home, Huff looked over at Baby with a bright and happy face. Baby instantly responded with her own smiles and laughter.

Evan is home from the hospital. All things considered, he is recovering well. 

Saturday evening was dinner with friends. These friends are dipping their toes into vacations that are clothing optional or party friendly. For example, they recently went on a cruise with a right light district. 

My husband and I had a good discussion afterwards. We have an unusual number of acquaintances that are  either in AA or on Only Fans We aren't interested in going down that path though it can be good dinner conversation to hear the adventures of others. 

 Tommy wrote...

Acts of Kindness are the building blocks that we, as a Caring Population, must have to survive this period that our Nation is going through. Thank You for posting !!!

The vet called my husband and reported that the dog has been returned to his rightful owner. We did not receive a thank you from its owner which miffed my husband and prompted a discussion which matched Tommy's comment. 

Continue to be kind to each other. Don't assume that minor ingratitudes mean anything-- never attribute to malice that which can be caused by stupidity. There are many reasons for a thank you to be missed-- they may be embarrassed or felt awkward from loosing their dog. They may have sent a child to pick up the dog who was not self aware enough to reach out. They may have had other urgent issues to deal with. None of this should be a reason to assume the worst and to be unkind in the future. 

That, and remember to say thank you. 

Evan is doing very well. He is upbeat, though he is on pain killers. He'll be a few more days in the ICU.

My M-I-L is home, but struggling. Her edema is not going away.

The rain has returned, another atmospheric river.  Our neighborhood is OK, though floods, mudslides and breached levees have happened closer to our neighborhood. A nearby six mile stretch of highway was closed for a day, adding much time to our tenant's commute.

This morning, we came across a stray dog. The dog was frantically pacing around, running from house to house. My husband lured the dog into our yard with some treats. There we fed and watered him. After that he greatly calmed down. He was a big, well behaved dog. 

My husband walked the dog to a nearby vet and checked that the dog was chipped. The vet has reached out to the chip company and is keeping the dog until they receive an answer. I hope they track down the owner. 

For the past week, it's been raining heavily. There are flood warnings for the outlying areas. There have also been landslides-- one over the interstate has hit the news. We are fine, though we have to stay cooped up in our house. The dogs have are restless as we can't take them for longer walks.

My M-I-L is out of the hospital and is slowly recovering at home.  

But that is not the main drama in our life. Evan discovered he had an aortic aneurysm. Evan had been having unexplainable stomach pains so his doctor arranged for a scan. Evan was immediately sent to the hospital after the doctor saw the result. They quickly schedule a surgery to remove the aneurysm-- a 13 hour process. 

Today Evan is recovering well. The prognosis is good. The surgeon said Evan was one of the youngest and healthiest he has seen have this surgery. He will spend a week more in the hospital and six or seven weeks recovering at home. 

My M-I-L is still the hospital. Her vitals have not yet returned to normal. The treatment for one problem exacerbates another. She is certainly fiery in her dealings with the hospital staff. 

My brother in law and I were discussing her situation. I quipped "Do not go gently into that good night." He laughed and nodded.

Saturday has been a long day at our house. The film crew arrived for set up by 6:30am. Filming started by 9:00. Aside from the actual interviews, they also filmed much for quick cut aways-- half a dozen angles of my husband packing his suit case, him looking at photos, him chatting about the great work is team is doing while I smile, nod and sip coffee. 

I'm serous about the sip coffee part. We did a dozen takes. They replaced my mug with every take to make sure it was nice and steamy. 

It's all fun.

 

My mother-in-law is still recovering in the hospital. We are taking care of her dog until she returns home. 

News about my husband-- he is a speaker in a documentary and it is not a small production. A film crew of about eight people spent the first part of the week with him in Alaska, checking out and filming at various locations up there.

This morning, the film crew were at our house,  scoping out the light, sound and views from different rooms. They'll return Saturday morning at 6 am to set up and film the interview. I'm playing the part of "Supportive husband who sits by interviewee." They've asked me to wear warm colors. 

 

My mother-in-law had her surgery yesterday. While there were some problems along the way, and it took much longer than anticipated, the surgeon was successful. The stent was inserted. 

She spent the night recovering in the hospital. This morning she ate without pain.

We hosted a dozen people for Thanksgiving. It turned out well. The notable absence was my mother-in-law who has been in constant pian

She’d been contemplating a medical procedure for some time: a stent to address constant, severe pain. Her heart and breathing aren't strong enough to make her an ideal candidate. For her the pain outweighed the risk.

The procedure happened on Friday and didn't go as planned. They couldn’t place the stent and she required emergency surgery to restore proper blood flow. It was a terrifying few hours. 

She is stable now. We're picking her up to take her home while the surgeon and doctor consult. They plan to try a slightly different approach in a few days.

What of my job?

Over the past few months, a new company president and executive churn has made something clear-- my business org, while valuable, is no longer a strategic area of investment. My job then changes. I can either align with the new plan, or fight for every dollar while my org is nickel and dimed to death.  I'm not interested in these discussions. At heart, I'm an engineer who is good at getting others to work together. My career grew from that core. I have never had a passion to debate budgets and corporate strategies. 

I've decided I'm leaving after the midterm elections next year. Maybe it's a retirement. Maybe it's some time off before I transition to something else.

With that decision made, my interest in my job has dropped. I'm still doing the day-to-day tasks. But I've stopped seeking out and participating in the larger discussions. What's left of the work swings between boredom and stress. 

I'm wondering if the executives will even notice? The executive churn has caused the executives to disengage. As long as the revenue keeps coming in and unless there is an emergency, they may not even be aware. There are fires elsewhere in the company and it's sucking up their time. 

I've been up to a mish mash of things.

Babysitting-- I babysat Baby O for a few hours. I'm a 55yo man, and this is the first time I've babysat an infant in my life. Huff showed me the basics and promised me that as long as I didn't injure Baby O, then nothing would go wrong. She warned me that baby's are fussy and change what they want every ten minutes. You just have to roll with it. 

It went well. Baby O was fussy at times. Other times she slept. Other times she smiled, or cried, or giggled. 

Lasagna-- An acquainted once shared with me that she had hosted a lasagna party. She provided all the ingredients. Her friends all made lasagna's together to take home. For unknown reasons I thought it would be fun to try. We invited some of my husband's AA friends, including those on SNAP benefits. More people accepted than originally planned.

I made the noodles and sauces from scratch. That ended up being a full day's work that finished just before the guests arrived.

The Lasagnas turned out very well.

And Work-- I am bored at work. My challenge is to keep all the parts moving-- to keep all the balls in the air. Every now and then I have to arbitrate a priority issue, or navigate personality conflicts. This is all more stress than challenge. 

Last week was uneventful. My husband traveled to Alaska for aa few days of work. I held down the fort, so to speak.

Seattle has turned to its traditional fall weather. Gloomy, a bit of rain and dark by 5pm. I had C2 over for dinner on Saturday and vented about how the early dark made him feel like it was midnight, even though it was only 7pm.

Sunday morning we had coffee with the neighbors. I enjoy this. They are also corporate professionals in a similar life situation-- planning to retire in the next few years, with aging family that needs care. 

Sunday afternoon we put up the Christmas tree. It's our way of fighting back against the gloom. My husband loves this activity. I have to restrain my commentary when he decorates. For days before we put up the tree, little boxes of Christmas decor will arrive daily from Amazon. My first reaction is that we don't need more Christ junk decor. Then I remind myself that we aren't in debt and we are saving well. So why not spend a little on this. 

Sunday evening we had a nice dinner at a local restaurant. This restaurant has poor cell phone reception, so it forces us to put our devices down and actually talk to each other.

My mother-in-law is a Halloween baby, so we treated her to dinner at a fondue restaurant for her birthday. It was fun, though I'm not sure I'd rush to do it again.

Saturday marked the 70th birthday of a family friend, and we attended her party in the afternoon.

In the early evening, we had dinner with Allen and Evan. We hadn't seen them in a few weeks, and it was good to catch up.

Work-wise, I'm feeling a bit frustrated. Our organization isn't part of the company's strategic growth plan, so I find myself fighting tooth and nail just to keep our current team intact. My job can be tough even under the best circumstances, so I'm definitely not eager to stretch our headcount and budget even further.

Saturday night, my brother-in-law invited us over for dinner. He has just moved into a new place and wanted us to be his first guests. It’s a beautiful building—he’s on the 41st floor with incredible views.

He wanted to quickly walk his dog before we arrived. He entered the elevator with another resident also walking her dog.

The elevator started moving, suddenly stopped and then dropped six inches. Both of them grabbed the railings. Thankfully, aside from the brief jolt, they were unharmed. Unfortunately, the elevator was stuck.

They picked up the emergency phone, which connected them to a call center in India. The audio quality was terrible. After a frustrating conversation, they hung up and sat down to wait.

Neither of their cell phones had reception inside the elevator.

How long can you sit in an elevator with a dog who needs to pee before things go south?

Forty-five minutes later, they were freed. Instead of risking another elevator ride, they decided to take the stairs. What they didn’t realize was that the staircases in this building have one-way locking doors. Once inside the stairwell, the only way out is down—forty stories.

But, they had cell reception again. She called her husband, who came to meet them on their floor. Her dog, thrilled to see her husband, ran up and bumped into both him and the door—slamming it shut.

Now the three of them, plus two dogs, were trapped in the stairwell.

At this point, my brother-in-law’s dog couldn’t hold it any longer and peed in the stairwell.

They called several numbers before finally reaching someone who could come to the floor and carefully let them out.

Dinner was overcooked. We had a great time together.

And we are back in Seattle. 

Big AWS/Internet outage last night. I've been up since 2am quarterbacking our efforts. Our customers are not blaming us which is nice. 

Our friend and his husband have rejoined us in Pigeon Forge.

Our cabin is remote and up a mountain. Having said that, it's only 15 minute drive to Pigeon Forge. We get the best of both worlds, city entertainment with evenings the evenings in splendid nature. 

The trees are just starting to change to their fall colors. Maybe we arrived here a week to early... first world problems.

 

We are now in Pigeon Forge. It is gorgeous here. We are touring around on Sunday.

Nashville is a wonderful city. We’ve seen many, many, bridesmaids parties. One has to wonder the where abouts of the bachelor parties.

Hmmm. The editor seems to be inserting many AI selected links. I’m scrubbing them. Apologies if I can’t get rid of them completely.

The food in Nashville is fantastic. Not healthy, but delicious in that southern style. 

A little bit of travel drama. One of our party originally intended to travel with us for the full week even though his husband wouldn’t be able to join till Wednesday. He flew in Friday, but flew back Saturday morning, stating he was feeling great anxiety— his meds had recently been adjusted, perhaps that was it. He intends to join us again on Wednesday when his husband will also be here. I hope all goes well. 

Once a year, for the past few years, we've got together with some of my Husband's oldest friends. Last year it was at our home in Seattle. The year before that was Dallas. This year it's Tennessee. 

So we are in Nashville for a few days, then heading over to Pigeon Forge Tennessee..

A few of us can work remote and will do a little of that while we are hear, The rest of the time we intend to enjoy the mountains, Dollywood, the food and a little exploring.

Fall has set in. Temperatures are cooler, though nothing uncomfortable. I have switched from shorts and short-sleeved shirts, to jeans and long sleeved. We are debating when to turn on the heat in the house. Afternoon and evening temperatures are pleasant. It can be too cool in the morning. 

Allan has been falling off the wagon-- quietly, when no one is around. Most days, he is sober. His husband, Evan,  travels for work a few times a month. When Evan does so, Allan spends much of his time inebriated. Not much I can do here, other than take care of myself and encourage Evan and my Husband to do the same. 

The weather was wonderful over the weekend. Had dinner with the neighbors on Friday, old colleagues of my husband on Saturday and friends on Sunday. I'm ready for a bit of downtime. 

My husband is in Southern California for a few days on an amusement park adventure. I'm not a fan of wild roller coasters so he went with his god-daughter who lives in that area.

His phone is set such that it will automatically send out an Emergency call if it thinks it's been in an accident. It went off twice yesterday. He claimed to love those rides. 

I am very satisfied with my decision to not join.

Update-- he lost his eyeglasses on another ride. 

I was in Vegas for a few days for a conference. It was a blur of activity-- exhausting and invigorating. Our customers are enthusiastic; they love what we offer and see its future. They’re also vocal about its limitations, but the clear value keeps them committed. How do I get the rest of the organization to feel that specific, powerful energy?

Switching gears on Saturday, I helped C2 with his gardening project. He’s taking on part of a park across the street from his house. We spent a few hours pulling pails of garbage, clearing walks, and spreading mulch. He’s dealing with the neglect, one ambitious afternoon at a time.

We attended a wedding on Saturday. A lovely, well-attended affair. I spent a good while catching up with the groom's grandparents, whom we've known for years.

The conversation took a turn when the grandfather revealed he has colon cancer. He had a softball-sized tumor and a length of his colon removed. He is not going to follow up with the recommended chemotherapy. His health has been a battle for the past decade, he said, and he just doesn't have it in him anymore.

Over the course of the festivities, we had follow-up conversations with his wife and daughter. They both want him to fight, to spend more time with him. They see his choice as a kind of surrender or selfishness.

It's a complicated decision. He's been in pain for years, but he’s also always been so mentally present—a loving and engaged grandfather. I’d like to think I’d fight for more life, but I don't know who I'd become should pain take over.

Sunday morning, my husband flew out for work, so I went for a long bike ride. Afterward, I dropped by C2's place to help him with some gardening.

C2 has befriended the city employee who manages the park across the street and has volunteered to tend the gardens nearest his house. The city has been helpful, giving C2 plants and mulch. It’s a nice arrangement with a bit of controversy. The park has a rat problem. Some locals see the rats as a sort of symbol for the downtrodden, Others-- including C2-- see them as a public health issue.  C2's goal is to make his small corner of the park cleaner and less rodent-friendly.

PS.. C2 is now sending me such exciting texts as "Want to come over and help spread mulch? All the cool kids are doing it." and "I'll buy dinner if you help me spread mulch."

There is a large forest fire west of Seattle. Fortunately the wind is not blowing the smoke towards us. In this sunset picture, the large dark cloud is all smoke. 

 

And we are back in Seattle. I enjoyed myself at Disney though I indulged too much. 

I can enjoy the history, art and cheekiness of some of the rides as much as any thriller. Take Mr Toad's wild ride... the plot of this ride is that you go out for a wild night of drinking and driving. Then you die and go to hell. I kid you not. You can look it up. 

Having said that the "Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance" ride is a major spectacle.

We are at Disneyland for the weekend— nominally to celebrate gay days. My husband has a deep affection for Disneyland. He grew up near here and visited often when be was a kid. Disney brings back great memories for him. 

Sunday was the neighborhood potluck that I organized. It was good to get together with the neighbors and put names to faces.

Our neighborhood is generally very quiet with little gossip. One neighbor passed away a couple of months ago, and his house sits unmaintained. We're all curious about what will happen with the property.  

 Tommy wrote...

"All over the World". Mighty important person in the Company!!

Perhaps I am a capitalist taking advantage of more affordable countries. Either way, I’m grateful for it. I like my people. Plus the work is challenging and rewarding. 

Friday evening I caught up with the Australian contingent before they departed Seattle. We had dinner with my old boss who semi-retired a few months back. For the first time we could have a real conversation without the professional guard up.

He opened up about his drug use. It turns out he'd take a small THC gummy before major meetings to calm his nerves and help him be more loquacious. Everything clicked. The days when he was serious and quiet, versus the days he was charming and talkative—I get it now.

It makes you think about all the small, secret things people do to simply get through the day. I can't say I'm not curious.

Another hectic work week is over. I hosted an onsite for my org where my teams flew in from all over the world. Overall we had a fantastic time together.

I find it difficult to be surrounded by people from dawn to dusk and to stay constantly engaged. My energy and enthusiasm doesn't work that way. 

Overheard at a BBQ. A child was talking to his mother...

"Mommy, mommy, mommy, it's always about Mommy. Mommy get's to go to the grocery store. Mommy get's to go to the post office. What about me? When do I get to go somewhere?"

The mother later said she had to work very hard to not break out laughing.

My nephew was hit by a car. He’s okay, thankfully. Like a crumple zone, his sinus cavities collapsed and absorbed the worst of the impact. 

Before the reconstructive surgery to reopen the sinus, the doctor mentioned there might be some scarring. Then, with a straight face, the doctor turned to my brother-in-law and said, "If he had forehead wrinkles like you, we could have gone in though one to hide the scar." You can imagine my brother-in-law’s reaction. 

In San Francisco this week for work. The days are long and packed, but it's great to catch up with everyone.

C2 and I caught up. He knew Andy as well. We shared our commiserations over friends who have passed on. This is happening more as the years go by.

C2 expressed embarrassment about the state of his kitchen when I last dropped by. He is also maneuvering a little to keep me away from his house-- we met at a restaurant instead of his place.  I'm pushing him to have deeper conversations on this. Slowly.

After that it was a social weekend. We have friends within mutual walking distance of good coffee shops. Saturday and Sunday we had an early coffee with them.

Saturday evening we had dinner and games with a group of Friends. Sunday we had dinner with a coworker of my husband.

My husband and I have much travel over the next couple of months. It took us a couple of hours on Sunday to line up our schedules to arrange dog care and so we ciould spend some time with each other. First world problems.

My friend Andy has passed away. COVID hit him hard early in the pandemic and he never fully recovered. The official cause of death was pulmonary fibrosis.

I am heartbroken. 

Andy and I met each other 25 years ago. Rereading my old posts of him is embarrassing. We drank too much. We hooked up too much. We were a mess. Fun times, but I will never do that again. 

I’m worried about C2.

Friday, we decided to have breakfast together and agreed to meet at his place. Saturday morning, my husband and I arrived a little early. C2 and I had been texting—he knew we were on the way. When we knocked, C2 didn’t answer, so I let my husband and I in. I have a key. He was in the shower; we shouted hello.

We walked into the kitchen.
The sink was full of dirty dishes—rancid smell.
Flies hovered.
Counters stained.
A large bowl of uncovered compost sat on the counter.

I filled the dishwasher and wiped down the counters. It only took a few minutes while C2 was getting ready.

He looked embarrassed when he came out. Said he’d been really busy. No time to clean.

So—my worries.

First, that he’s not keeping his kitchen clean. Not even close. It’s attracting insects.

Second, that he always says he’s busy, though he has no job. And yet he struggles to do the things that matter— training, applying, cleaning.

It’s been a wild week. Work hit like a fire hose starting early Monday. The executives decided to hold an on-site at my office, which meant dressing up and spending time with them. They reaffirmed that they’re happy with how my org is running, so their attention is focused elsewhere. I suppose I’ve earned their neglect.

While we were away, an old friend—FL—and her daughter watched our dog and house-sat for us. FL ended up staying an extra week. She worked remotely during the day, and we spent the evenings together. It was genuinely pleasant.

Still sorting through the photos.

Lisbon and Porto....

The Douro Valley where much port wine is grown.

The Azores...

 

Travel day. Pics to come…

More travel notes…

Portugal and the Azores are very easy to travel in. The water and food are safe. Alcohol is inexpensive—beer and wine often appear at buffets, and in the Azores the local wine is both lovely and affordable.

Portuguese food tends to be heavy, with a lot of meat, dairy, cheese, and fish. Even so, it was easy to find restaurants serving good meals at reasonable prices.

The islands operate on their own time. For one excursion, we arrived twenty minutes early, only to be told to come back at the scheduled time. When someone asked if five minutes early would be better, the answer was the same: “At the scheduled time.”

On another tour, our guide announced we would have ten or fifteen minutes at a viewpoint. He said Germans like to ask, “Which is it—ten or fifteen?” He enjoys answering with something even less specific.

If we return, we’ve been told more than once that Mosteiros is a wonderful place to stay, and that September and October are ideal—fewer tourists and a warm ocean. I’d also like to stay in Furnas. It’s off the coast, but looked lovely.

Travel notes for future me…

July 25 – Arrived. Rode a tuk-tuk—a great way to get a feel for the city and decide where to explore.

26 – Tile museum.

27 – Explored historic parts of Lisbon.

28 – Sintra with friends. Charming city.

29 – Took the train from Lisbon to Porto—comfortable and efficient. Explored Porto. Dinner at a Fado restaurant (live music). The Fado was excellent.

30 – Visited a few museums. Dinner out. Good restaurants are common here. Food and water are safe. Prices are reasonable.

31 – Toured the Douro Valley. Much of Portugal’s Port wine is grown here.

Aug 1 – A driver took us along the nearby coast. Helpful for deciding where we might stay on a future visit.

2 – Explored Porto on foot.

3 – Flew to the Azores.

4 – Toured Sete Cidades. Gorgeous.

5 – Whale watching on a zodiac. Saw Sei whales, a sperm whale, and common and spotted dolphins.

6 – Whale watching again, this time with a larger group. Saw sperm whales, bottlenose dolphins, and spotted dolphins.

7 – Hot springs and tea plantation.

8 – Jeep tour.

9 – Resort day.

 We've all arrived safely in the Azores. These islands are quieter and more rural than the mainland. Their beauty is breathtaking.

Being here, surrounded by friends, has been a welcome time for catching up. It’s also made me realize what a minor miracle it was to get us all here. For some of my friends, travel is an ordeal—a source of stress that saps their patience and energy. They’d rather be home. For others of us, these new landscapes and experiences are what we live for. This trip isn't just a destination; it's a testament to our friendships, bridging the gap between those who find comfort in the familiar and those who find it on the road.

Azores trivia… Hydrangeas are an invasive species here. They grow everywhere. 

Lisbon and Porto are lovely. Easy to walk. Easy to like.

Both cities are centuries old and well kept.

You turn a corner, and there it is: something centuries old you hadn’t seen before. No sign. No announcement. Just there.

Our trip to Portugal is special. Decades ago, after graduating, my group of friends decided to form an investment club whose purpose was to pay for travel later in our lives.

For years we met to invest a little bit of money, and to catch up with each other.

Then, two years ago, one of us passed away. We decided it was time for our club to actually pay for travel.

After much debate, we settled on the Azores. before we head to the Azores, My husband and I decided to tour the Portuguese mainland— Lisbon and Porto. Other of our friends are taking similar trips… to France, or Amsterdam or London. This Sunday we are all flying into the Azores.

Lisbon… 

 

I have resolved to visit my father more often. I can work remote, though I’ll need to coordinate with my husband. 

Today, my husband and I are flying off to Portugal for a couple of weeks. There, we will meet up with many of my old college friends and see the sights. 

My father, a widower in his 80s, lives alone on his farm. For decades, he and the DVs were friends. But then Mr. DV passed, leaving Mrs. DV a widow as well.

Apparently, my father asked Mrs. DV to move in with him—not as a couple, but as friends for companionship.

Mrs. DV declined the offer. My brother has a few speculations why; he thinks Mrs. DV, being very conservative, found living with a man out of wedlock unacceptable.

My brother has sworn me to secrecy on this. If my father learns that I know, he might not talk as freely with my brother.

I've always respected that my brother has a deeper relationship with my father than I do. My brother can get my dad to open up. My father will still have deep conversations with me, though they tend to be about practical matters like money, legal issues, and business management, since that's my area of expertise.

My main concern is for my father. How lonely is he? Is visiting a few more times a year truly enough?

We are in Seattle's peak of summer. So we are attending festivals and BBQ's as well as hosting visitors. 

I say "BBQ" but my friends from the south would gently correct me. These are cookouts and potlucks. 

Saturday evening we hosted and a dinner for some old college friends, and their kids, of my husband. My husband felt little uncomfortable that the kids are all in their late twenties. The passage of time is creeping up on us.

Sunday we hosted a large BBQ for our social circle. I would guess around forty people showed up. The crowd was a combination of friends and people in the program... or friends who are now in the program. 

And we are back in Seattle. 

The flight home had a little drama. One of the passengers wouldn't comply with the safety regulations. She had a long argument with the flight attendants about her luggage and not wanting to check an extra bag even though there was no space. The attendants eventually called the police who escorted her off the jet. 

We just enjoyed a wonderful side trip to Picton, Ontario. I didn't know much about it, but our old friend PB runs a B&B there, and it's a popular weekend spot for Torontonians.

My husband, our friends G and J, and I met up with PB for dinner. As a local expert, he gave us fantastic recommendations for our weekend.

PB mentioned the locals sometimes refer to the Torontonians as Torontidiots. The growing tourism industry has raised prices as well as providing jobs. This mixed blessing doesn’t always land well with the locals.

Friday, we went e-biking. The weather was perfect. A long bike trail connects many nearby small towns. We spent hours cruising the trail, stopping to snack at local bakeries and ice cream shops. Exhausted but content, we enjoyed a great dinner after resting up.

Friday evening— back at our rental house we saw many fireflies around the property. My husband has never seen them before and was enchanted by the little glowing bugs. 

Saturday was more of a road trip. We had a delicious French-style lunch at a small restaurant PB recommended, boasting incredible views. We drove around, visited a lavender farm, and explored Picton's shops. That evening, we all had dinner at the superb Royal Picton restaurant . PB, always seeking to help his B&B guests, quizzed us on our experience, eager for our recommendations.

Beyond the activities, we had many good conversations over the weekend. G, J, my husband and I are all navigating aging parents, a topic we discussed at length. PB offered a great perspective on the "retirement" question. He observed that we high-achievers are often on a "hamster wheel" of work and rewards. While goals and purpose are crucial, he noted they don't need to be corporate-driven. Having been in our situation, he approached retirement like a new job, intentionally finding meaningful ways to fill his time. He still spends his time productively, but he spends it how he chooses— running the B&B in the summer. Travel the rest of the year. 

It's been a pleasant week here in the valley, filled with visits to old friends and a bit of adventure.

On Tuesday, we went white-water rafting with a local guided tour. It was a great time, and I definitely needed the exercise—I slept really well that night!

Wednesday was Canada Day, which meant more visits with relatives and catching the local fireworks display.

During one visit, an uncle directly asked me when I was retiring. His philosophy is that if you're frugal, it doesn't take much money to live well, and that your body will slow down much faster than you anticipate. So, he believes in enjoying life while you can. My father quickly chimed in, "But you have to have something to do."

Have something to do. Don't become that angry old guy who does nothing but watch TV all day and complain that no one listens to him.

  

What's Growing in My Father's Garden?

In my father's garden, you'll find potatoes, red beets, and even stray sunflower seeds from a nearby birdfeeder. Honestly, my dad has eaten a remarkably consistent diet of boiled potatoes, pickled beets, some meat, and other boiled vegetables almost every day of his life.

At 81, he still lives on his farm. While he's slowing down, he continues to manage things well. Nature is beginning to reclaim parts of the fields, and he no longer fights it back. He recently retired from his job as a school bus driver and is even making arrangements for someone else to clear the snow this winter—a task he's done for himself and his neighbors for years. These small but significant changes have led his sons to speculate about the future.

The fate of the farm has been a slow-moving discussion among my brothers, my father, and me for many years. Dad would love for one of us to take over the farm, and it truly is a wonderful place. Realistically, though, we'd need to take a significant pay cut to move back to the valley. As peaceful as the farm is, I have built a life for myself in Seattle. My friends and opportunities are there. 

Personally, I'd be happy if my father sold the farm and moved to a nice retirement home. But he's just not there yet.