It's Bruce's birthday today. Chris and I took Bruce out to the Sushiman in Issaquah. It is a very good sushi restaurant. Although, as it turns out, Bruce doesn't really like sushi. He had the grilled Tuna instead.

Sushiman has dozens of different kinds of sake. We had absolutely no idea what to order and had to trust the waitress. I wonder if the Japanese have the same kind of problem the first time they order wine at a good western restuarant... normally they just have wine, red or white. But at a good restaurant they can order merlot's or cab's or zin's, California, Australia, Canada, French... You have absolutly no idea how to pick something good. But it's expensive enough that you don't want to pick something bad.

Later on we had a beer and cheesecake at the Issaquah Brewpub. The waitress gave Bruce a free birthday t-shirt. It looks very cool.

They just opened up a Krispy Kreme in Issaquah. It's the first in Washington. After we left the Brewpub, we drove by. The lineup was amazing. This morning the lineup was 3 hours long. Tonight, at 10pm, the lineup was at least an hour long. Really bizarre considering it's just a donut store.

Harry called and left a message. He sounded very up beat. He said "called to say 'Hello' and see how the heck you are doing!" in a very postive tone. Simple things like this make me happy

Mixed day.

I spent the evening at Master Mark. It was a weird night. I figured out what's going on with me. I'm covering up for all the nothing that I feel. I'm lonely and I want to love someone. Being a slave boy is an easy substitute. I get to please someone. He pays attention to me. The rules are clear. It's any easy thing to do.

Next time I talk to Master Mark, I'm going to call it off. He's a nice guy, but definitely not a long term relationship. Mark likes me. He likes to watch me sit and pose for him. He likes to complement me. Tonight he asked me if guys told me I was handsome. I said "Yes." He sort of laughed and said "If any one else had said yes to that, I would have thought they were lieing."

Master Mark definitely knows how to stroke my ego. That's why I kept going back.

Tonight after I left his place, I felt good that it was over. I know there will be complications in the future. I'm still single. I still have a sex drive that can get me into lots of trouble. But I know that I don't want to be a sex slave.

My gay niche is too small. I am a, and I am attracted to, gay guys who look and act straight. Not leather butch or that freaky showy masculine you see at the bars, but normal ordinary, no lisping, straight acting man. This is a very small niche. After a few years every other straight acting gay guy is either a friend, or a friend of a friend.

Before Hockey last night, I was briefly at the Cuff. I ran into a guy named Rob. He was a nice guy, another truck driver. He’s a local driver, so he’s around more than one day a week. We chatted a while, and I gave him my phone number. Well, we talked on the phone today-- Rob mentioned a few things that I had heard before. So I dug a bit. It turns out that Rob was Harry’s ex, and that he dated Brian before I did.

Now it will be hard to get to know Rob for who he is. Neither Harry nor Brian had much good to say about Rob. Plus Brian got Rob to tell him lots of dirt about Harry so that he could pass it on to me.

Played hockey tonight.

Before the hockey game, I couldn't find my left glove. So, I dug out an old glove I haven't used in years. I put my hand in it. At the end of one finger it was kind of squishy. So I pulled my hand out and tried to shake the squishy thing out. Nothing. I stuck my hand in again. The squishy thing was still there. So I got a knife to fish the squishy thing out. It was a very big spider, still alive. Bleah.

We ended up playing against the same team that spanked us last week. They won again. But this time only 3-0. They are a very good team. We are probably playing one division too high. We are trying to figure out what to do with our weaker players. With a score like 3-0 it's clear that the defense, while not perfect, is pulling it's weight. Offense on the other hand just didn't come together. We have four new weak forwards who are very loyal to the team. If they all show up, like tonight, it's hard to score against a strong team.

Friday evening, L and I had dinner at The Satelite Grill. We originally were going to eat at a new place called the 1200 Bistro, but when we go there, the wait was 90 minutes. Afterwards we went to the Cuff. L has a fuck buddy in that neighborhood, and the FB invited him over, so after one beer, L left.

I just talked to a few people and got frustrated. The only guys I found attractive weren't interested in dating-- they just wanted to play around.

Brian was there. We didn't talk. We nodded hello and then spent the evening on opposite ends of the Cuff. I caught myself thinking "How can I work things out with Brian?" I've got to stop that. Brian and I have been trying to work things out for far too long. I have to stay a way.

I was in bed by midnight.

Saturday, Bruce and I went to the Washington Cask Beer Festival. About 40 local breweries were giving out samples. We tried 15 different beers-- just shot glasses of beer. We got a bit tanked. I ended up telling Bruce more about Master Mark than I intended. Bruce knew that I have an FB called Mark, but that's it. He didn't know that Mark wants me to be his sex slave.

On the way home from the Beer Festival, Bruce and I stopped of at the liquor store. I needed to buy some Irish Cream for Ryan's Halloween party. I saw a bottle of "Ryan's Cream" I thought "Perfect. That will be a good laugh".

When I got to the cashier, she said "Have You tried Ryan before?"
I said "No."
The cashier repied "Well, he's not very good."

At the party I told Ryan and Jen that story. We had a good laugh.

The Halloween party was fun. A few minor incidents. One girl fainted-- costume was too hot, she was on a bit of medication and drinking too much. She recovered quickly with no injuries.

B&M were at the party. They brought their new baby. He's so small. B&M are both around 5'6'', so imagine the size of their baby. I'm 6'6'' with big hands. I could hold the baby in one hand. The baby was very well behaved. Even though the party was loud, he slept through it.

Some 'cool' people showed up. They really didn't fit into the party. No one really knew them-- they were friends of a friend who didn't show up. It's hard to descibe them, they weren't bad people, it's just that they noticable stuck out and stayed a bit away from the rest of the crowd.

I heard a couple of good stories from Kam. Kam is a private investigator, so often something strange is going on in his life. He told me a sad story about a woman who's husband just left. He said he was going out to do some yard work, but instead he hoped in the car and left. Two weeks later she still hadn't heard from him. Her purse was in the car. Kam suspects he's at his mother's house. His mother won't confirm or deny that he's there.

Kam has also been doing some survailence on a waitress who works at a strip club. He has had a few tense moments smuggling the camera into the strip club. One time he was carrying a conceled gun. A stripper rubbed his hip, and felt the gun. She asked "Is that your cell phone?" Kam quickly said yes. It looks like things are finally going well for Kam. Usually his private investigation work is very tedious-- pre-employment screenings, survailence to catch workers-comp fraud. He's happy that he's finally got one interesting case. He was bragging that he got paid to hang out at a strip club.

I got a bit drunk. When I got home, I ended up talking to Master Mark. He wants to get a cock cage for me, so that I can only cum when he lets me. I agreed. Now that I'm sober, I'm having second thoughts.

Nothing much happened today. I'm going to a halloween party on Saturday, so I worked on my costume. I'm trying to be a mummy. It looks pretty lame. I used duct tape to to fasten wrappings to track pants and a long sleeve shirt. However the duct tape shows through the wrappings, so I look like a fuzzy tape ball.

I was never good at crafts.

Keeping my journal on line is kind of weird. It sort of inflates my ego knowing that strangers find me vagualy interesting. I have to watch myself to keep the journal honest. After all, we all have a tendancy to portray ourselves in the best light. I have to stop my self from thinking "If I write that, Tommy will never date me."

I've also added comments to the journal. This reduces the barrier between me and my readers even more. I'm getting a few comments, all constructive, but it really blurs the lines of privacy and ego. Part of me thinks "That's pretty cocky of you to think that your life is worth the analysis of strangers." Most of me doesn't care. After all it's not like I'm putting scads of effort and money into this. So what if strangers peek. No one's forcing them. It's fun.

So I had another internet date tonight. He was a realestate agent. Nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him. His eyes were on me constantly. I think he's trained himself to always look directly at whomever he's talking to. But, it had an creapy effect-- like one of those portait paintings with eyes that always look at you..

We had dinner at the Celtic Bayou.

Afterwards, Mark the truck driver called. We talked a while, and I invited him over. He spent the night. He's a nice guy. We'll see what happens. Mark is heading out on a run today. It will be about a week before he comes back. He told me that he's been fantasizing about me for years.

This whole "Give Harry Space" plan is driving me nuts. This weekend is the Washington Cask Beer Festival; Bruce and I are going. I left Harry a message, asking if he wanted to go. He left me a message saying no, he was going to be busy this weekend. But, the way he stressed the 'no' bugs me. He said the "No" like "No you creap, I want you to stay away from me." On the flip side, I may just be overanalysing things.

Either way, I have to let it go. Give Harry his Space. I can't mention it. Bah.

Had a date last night. His name was Jason. We had dinner and drinks at the Elysian. He's not a bad man.

The Elysian is next to the Cuff. So, after we had dinner, Jason went home and I stopped by the Cuff. That's were I ran into Mark. Mark is a truck driver that I've known for years. He's always said he's been very attracted to me, but until recently he was in a relationship. So, we had a few drinks together and ended up closing the Cuff. I went home alone, but I gave Mark my number. Mark said "He was hoping to do more than just call me."

Harry just bought a house. It sounds like a nice place.

Over email I offered to help him move. He wrote back..
"K will do.. Thank you.. Me"

So I can't tell if he actually wants me to help him move, or if he's just putting me off.

We also talked on the phone. He's very excited about the house. It sounds like a bit of a fixerupper, but it's got lots of potential; many big rooms, good view of Kent Valley.

I wish him luck.

In other news, I'm doing that Internet Date thing again. I've got one date tonight, and one date tomorrow. We'll see. Both guys are attractive and in their mid 40's.

Played hockey tonight; Ryan and I carpooled to the game.

Well, we took a big shit on the ice. We lost 8-2. Everyone sucked. The goalie was a sieve. Defense couldn't clear the puck or setup the forwards. Forwards fumbled the puck when they got it.

Ryan and I talked about it afterwards. Part of the problem is that we've taken on a few new and green players. Now we have too many people. Our good players can’t play strong. They have to back up the weak players.

Also tonight the refs started the game early. Our team has a lot of guys who arrive 5 minutes before the warm up. So, if they decide to start the game 10 minutes early, it really hurts.

Finally, tonight we had a substitute goalie who's style was very different than our regular goalie. By the time defense figured out the goalie, 5 goals went in. She's used to playing in a woman's rec league-- no slap shots, forwards won't aggressively run the net.

So, Friday night, Bruce, L and I had dinner at the Siam's and coffee at the Starbucks. Afterwards, L went home. Bruce and I went to the Cuff. We walked to the middle bar. Master Mark was there, passionatly kissing someone. The two Stevens from my softball team were also in the middle bar. So, Bruce, the two Stevens and I chatted while Master Mark necked. After a few minutes Mark and his trick left. The four of us kept taking till about 1am. The two stevens are cool people. I'm should keep in touch with them.

Saturday afternoon, Bruce and I went caving at the Talus Rocks. It was fun. We took a lot of photos.

In the evening, Bruce needed to talk to his ex, F. Bruce and F work together on a TV show and Bruce needed to get some images from F for the next show. So, F, F's new boyfriend, Bruce and I met for dinner. Small world story; Last summer I had a date with F's new boyfriend It didn't go anywhere and we didn't have sex. I didn't mention the date to F or Bruce. It's hard enough to build a relationship. The last thing F needs is someone telling old pointless gossip about his new BF.

After dinner, I went online for a while and ran into Master Mark. He told me that he was feeling down last night, so he picked up that guy and had very bad sex with him. He asked me why I didn't say hi to him. I told him it was because he was lip locked with the trick. So, we talked a while. He mentioned that I'm not the best conversationalist and that he'd like it if I called him more. He could never figure out if I was interested in him.

Well, we agreed to get together, to talk, to have sex. He had me do a couple of shots to help me relax. I told him I was hoping for a vanilla kind of relationship. He said he partially wanted the same thing. He wanted a vanilla relationship outside of the house, but master/slave in the house.

I'm tryijng to figure Master Mark out. I think he was a momma's boy. She died about 6 months ago. Now for the first time, he's really on his own. He's never had a long term relationship. He's dated guys for a few weeks, but nothing real. That probably explains why he cruises so much; he doesn't know what to do with his free time.

I still spent the night.

Sunday morning I bought some more dumbbells for weight trainging. My 50lbs dumbbells are too light and my 75lbs bells are too heavy. So, I bought a used pair of 60lbs at Play it Again Sports. I think my body is comming along. Both Master Mark and Bruce have made comments.

Bought myself a new toy. an HP Jordana Pocket PC. Part of me wants to believe that it will help me organize my life and make things more convienent, but I'm not kidding myself, it's a toy.

HP seams to have a great delivery system. I ordered the Jordana Tuesday evening at about 8pm. I payed for the slowest delivery (FedEx Ground) Yet, by Wednesday evening, the PPC was at my door.

I've been loading it up with games, embarrassing photo's of Bruce (Every time Bruce and I go hiking, I take a picture of him peeing) and a few books.

I had beer with Bruce tonight. We went to J&M's. Hurding Cat's was playing again. It looks like they have a regular Thursday night gig. It looks like their name is getting around. Tongiht many more people were dancing to them.

Bruce is stressing out over work, over his two BF's who keep telling him "Let's just be friends", and over a local TV show that he produces. Along with our beer, we had a shot of vodka, really bad vodka. I can still feel it eating at my stomach. I should have asked for the name, I'd like to avoid it in the future.

Had beer with Bruce last night. He's unsure about Chris. He keeps getting the "Let's just be Friends" speach from Chris, yet Chris keeps wanting to spend time with Bruce, and is very sweet to Bruce.

Chris is out of town on Business. He's in NYC. This is the first time Chris has been back to NYC since the attacks. Bruce relayed the following... "Just got off the phone to Chris . He’s having a good time. He sounds happy which is nice. He walked to the WTC last night. Said it was weird not seeing the buildings and it’s all lit up like some movie site."

Harry just called me. We just chatted. He's put an offer in on a house. It sounds like a good place. He's excited about it.

We caught up on what each other are doing. We didn't make any plans to get together. It was still good to talk to him.

Our work cafeteria is still crap. But, I've figured out how to get half decent service-- I actively manage the cooks. "I'd like a Hamburger with tater-tots. No, don't put cheese on that. I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon… I said I just want a hamburger, no cheese, no bacon." Today I got a half decent burger and tater-tots fairly quickly. I was very pleased with myself until I bit into a tater-tot-- it was still frozen in the center.

The rain has hit Seattle. It’s been dark and gloomy for days. I feel like snuggling up with someone and loving them and spoiling them.

I think I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure. Last night I ran into my ex, Brian. He won is wrongfull dismissal lawsuit and has come unto a lot of money. He paid off his mortgage and is going to take a long cruise. He put a lot of pressure on me to start seeing him again. I told him no. I ended up saying 'no' 20 different ways with 20 different reasons.

At about midnight last night he called me again. We fought on the phone for a while.

Tonight he called me again to see if I wanted to come over. I told him no. He wanted to know why and I fumbled around to try and explain. In the end I told him that us sleeping together was just slowing us down from finding real lovers. For the first time in years, he accepted what I said, and didn't fight me to change my mind.

I think this is one of those moments where the right thing is bittersweet.

So, Bruce has two friends in town from Porltand. We arranged things so that the friends would stay at Bruce's place, and Bruce and Chris would sleep over at mine.

We were supposed to meet the friends at 8pm at the Broadway but as luck would have it Bruce and Chris were late. I didn't know what the friends looked like, so I didn't know who to join.

After dinner Chris dragged us to an bar in a very up scale hotel. It was kind of fun. I had a martini. I noticed that my attitude to alcohol is changinig for the worse. Two years ago I only drank beer and wine. Never hard liquor. I didn't like the taste of it. Last night my martini tasted very good. I guzzled it.

Afterwards we drove back to Bruce's place. Due to a misscommunication, Bruce and Chris arrived a half an hour late. Apparently I was supposed to drive by Bruce and Chris's to wave them off before I drove to Bruce's place. I didn't. The parking lot was way out of the way, so I just drove towards the freeway. So, Bruce and Chris waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes before they left.

Bruce's guests and I hung around and chatted until B&C clued in that maybe I just drove the guests to their final destination. They're a nice couple. We just small talked.

So today, Bruce, Chris and I toured around Seattle. I guess we went shopping; we couldn't bring ourselfs to say that. We went looking for work clothes and hardware. A few times while we were driving, Bruce fell asleep so Chris and I chatted. He's a nice guy. He definatly likes Bruce. I'm not sure why he gave Bruce the let's just be friends speach. It may be because of the uncertainty in his life. His ex is still living with him, he doesn't have a stable job, he's going deaf.

The deaf part is kind of interesting. His treble is gone and so is most of the midrange, but he can still hear bass. As a result most of the people he hangs around have deep voices. He wears very large hearing aids.

He's about 40yo, but acts like he's 25. He loves snow and skate boarding. Also he sometimes talks like a surfer dude.

He said he moved to Seattle because we wanted a well grounded, more stable life. He's spent his life doing artist/acting kind of things-- always on the verge of something great, but always ending up with the short end of the stick. Now he just wants a life without having to worry where the next dollar will come from.