The memory foam mattress and pillows arrived at my father's. He has never seen a memory foam mattress before, so he was caught off guard by how much it expanded after he took it out of the package.
He video called me, told me about the mattress. He then took the memory foam pillows out of their packaging so we could watch them expand together.
Crazy busy at work. Between our day-to-day business, annual planning and career reviews, we've been so busy that we can't think.
For the holidays, my husband and I are flying up to the Ottawa Valley to visit my family. For the first time my husband and I will stay at my fathers. We usually stay in a hotel.
For our stay, we shipped a new mattress, pillows and sheets to my father's. The cheap/frugal part of him was taken a bit aback. I think he understands though-- he admitted that he got the old mattress decades ago for free.
There are divided values between my husband and I and my family in the Valley. Many of my family are frugal to the point of being cheap. They are proud of that and they are happy! Spending money can be an insult to their values and so my husband and I have to be careful. Taking family to a nice restaurant or buying someone a nice new jacket when their existing, 20 year old jacket still works-- these will earn you thanks and quiet lecture on the value of being frugal.
And so, instead of a hotel we will stay at my fathers place.
Tommy’s advice is useful. Grab some popcorn. Sit back and enjoy the show. It’s useful for politics. It’s useful for assassinated CEOs. My husband works on the profitable side of the healthcare industry, As such Thompson’s murder has taken up an outsized share of his work, Linkedin and Facebook gossip.
We had dinner with our neighbors last night. It was good to catch up with them. It’s the start of the holiday season, so our schedule is stuffed with dinners and parties.
I try to catch a few minutes of quiet when I can. I do my best thinking then.
My husband enjoys creating elaborate table settings. He is the one in our relationship who has the snap and sparkle. He is great at marketing and sales.
Overall our dinner went well. Later in the day, my mother-in-law made some comments about republicans (She is pro Trump) that didn't land well. A few of our guests left shortly after that. Did they leave because it was late in the day? Did they leave because the discussion turned to politics? Who knows.
Friday evening we saw Wicked-- the movie. Sunday we saw Wicked the live musical. I enjoyed both, but I didn't need to see Wicked twice in one weekend.
Saturday our guests cleaned out their refrigerator and cleaned up their kitchen. They had to throw out everything as their power had been out since Tuesday.
Their power returned on Sunday
We also had a brunch for some of our AA friends on Saturday. It was very long running with our guests not leaving till mid afternoon.
We have had a bomb cyclone here in Seattle. Big windy, rain storm. We are ok and missed the worst of it.
According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, a "Bomb cyclone" is a term used to describe a mid-latitude cyclone that has undergone bombogenesis, which occurs when it rapidly strengthens in a 24 hour period.
Hundreds of thousands of people are without power, especially in the suburbs. We have a couple friends staying with us as they have not had power since Wednesday and probably won’t get it back untill the weekend.
We are back home from NYC. I am tired, but we had a good time.
My husband and I have different approaches to vacations. It bugs him that I can be happy exploring a new city. I said "Exploring a city is a great treat. Without a map, without an app." He caught my wittiness and shook his finger at me.
My husband is a planner. He is very good at it and I appreciate that. And sometimes I like to have my calendar cleared, and only a single question on my mind... "What's over there?"
My mother-in-law is out of the hospital. The hospital also does not know what's wrong with her. This week she will have more tests with her regular cardiologist.
During the hospital stay, my mother-in-law's dog stayed with my brother-in-law. Apparently the dog is not properly potty trained.
Should another crisis happen, neither of her sons want the dog. Her sons have also come to the realization that another crisis is inevitable-- their mother is 87 and in declining health. They need a plan for when it happens.
The Republican victory is complete. They will win the House, the Senate, and the presidency with a popular vote. There are no meaningful allegations about election fraud or the electoral college problems or gerrymandering or fake news. There is no way to twist the situation such that if one or two details were different, then the Democrats would’ve won.
The election results have hurt my husband. he is finding projects to pass the time.
Mentally, I have set aside my old concerns and my old way of thinking. Grief and frustration with the results are pointless. I must find a new way forward.
As Tommy said... the people have spoken.
I will use this as an opportunity to get off Facebook and other social media. It's insidious how they invade your consciousness. Even after deleting Facebook, I catch myself pulling out the cell phone and thumbing over to where the app once was.
This blog doesn't count. It's slower. Contemplative. One must put effort into speaking and listening.
The Halloween decorations are away. The Christmas (Yes Christmas) decorations are out. My husband's argument for this is that we will be traveling over end-of-year holidays, so he wants a few extra weeks beforehand to enjoy them.
Over the weekend I was discussing the situation with SJ, an old friend. She observed that my husband always has to have a project-- always has to have a plan and something to do. SJ and I, on the other hand, love having an empty schedule with no commitments, no plans. So my husband and I can balance each other out, we are a good ying and yang for each other. Yet we will drive each other nuts.
Sunday night we had dinner with an old friend. In the past, he was my boss when I worked at the big-tech company. We both left that company at about the same time. He started his own business. I got a job at a smaller tech company.
It's been five years since those transitions. What an amazing about of time. We are both veterans in our current jobs. Yet it feels like yesterday that we worked together.
By and large things are going well for him. His business is growing. His children are off to post-high school education, are close to landing full time jobs. His wife has a bad knee, but will undergo surgery to replace it.
Today it's windy and raining hard in Seattle. Perfectly normal November weather. Our new house takes the weather different than the old. The old house had a fantastic HVAC system with vents in every room. During inclement weather, you closed the windows, set the temperature, and that was that. The new house isn't vented. Every floor has separate mini-split heating and cooling. Rooms will get a little stuffy. You must open the window a crack and hope that the driving rain won't come in.
Three of the Husband's old friends flew into town for the weekend. It was a big social weekend.
Friday we went to the Can Can-- a great dinner & burlesque show.
Saturday we threw a large, combination Birthday and Halloween party-- my mother-in-law and one of our guests are both Halloween babies.
Sunday we visited other friends. In the evening, we tried to visit a Haunted House, but that turned into a nightmare. We purchased our tickets and then waited in an outdoor line for about an hour. Then as it started to rain, we realized that we were going to be in the line for at least another hour. We bailed. Very frustrating.
On our drive home we became trapped between trains-- a train blocked our route home. I did a U turn to take another way. That route was also blocked by train. We sat there for at least 30 minutes.
Modern problems.
This blog has been up for 24 years.
It's a little strange reading the oldest entries. I hadn't lived long in Seattle. I was struggling to date. Honestly I was a bit of a jerk to those that I did.
My career in the tech industry was just staring to grow. I avoided the dot com bubble and didn't fully realizing how special that was.
Cheers to the next 24 years.
Mentally and emotionally, he is all there. He is more focused and curious than I’ve seen in years. I wish him well.
Saturday we had dinner with our AA friends who live west of the sound.
Sunday, the weather was wonderful. Windy but warm, with a beautiful sunset.
Our New Mexican host is a great tour guide. He has been showing off the beautiful parts of NM plus adding color commentary to the ugly. NM is indeed a state of breath taking beauty and fine arts with occasional hints of Breaking Bad.
We’ve visited Ojo Calliente, Taos, Tesuques and Santa Fe. Our host is dedicated to not using a GPS or map apps. This frustrates my husband and I as we are efficient drivers who prefer to travel straight from point A to point B.
We have been eating and drinking too much. Our host is a foodie. He has brought us to many fantastic restaurants. He also drinks heavily in the evenings. It’s hard for me to say ‘No’ when he offers one more glass of fine wine.
We are in New Mexico for the week. The husband has an old friend in Albuquerque who is giving us a tour of northern New Mexico.
This friend is an interesting character. In the past year, he fully recovered from a tough cancer. One of the consequences from the treatment is that his allergies and his tastes in food have greatly changed. Old favorite dishes now taste weird to him. So, he is rediscovering himself, so to speak.
While in NM we ran across two friends from Seattle— the artist who helped my husband build his stained glass window, as well as Clem, my old neighbor.
We hung out with Clem on the first morning of the hot air balloon festival. The festival is magical. It’s awe inspiring to watch that many hot air balloons rise.
We continue to have near perfect fall weather. Sunny, but cooling.
Sunday, the husband and I did a fundraiser called Base 2 Space. The task is to walk the 848 steps up the Space Needle. I did it in 10 minutes and 14 seconds. I'm writing this down so that I can look up my time next year.
Sunday evening we invited Behr, Fireman, QJ, C6 & Tye over for dinner. We have known this crowd for decades and seen each other go through so much. Three of our dinner's attendees are in recovery programs. One is on a disability pension. One has had a heart transplant.
For all of our conundrums, my husband and I have a wonderful life.
There but for the grace of God go I.
Quiet weekend. The weather has been wonderful.
We've been planning out our travel for the next year. A couple of big trips are happening for us, and and so we are digging into the details.
I find that I am developing an allergy to the word "luxury." Some of our travel companions are very excited by such experiences. I am less enthusiastic. I'm trying to clearly explain to myself why, but the words are not coming easily.
Our trips--
Mid October to New Mexico to visit a friend, see the balloon festival, and tour other New Mexican sights.
February-- probably a trip to Thailand with Evan and Allen to celebrate Allen's sixtieth birthday.
August next year--- a trip to France and then the Azores. Some old college friends have invited us along and I really want to spend time with them.
For years, the ashes of my husband's brother and father have sat in boxes in our closet. While I'm uncertain of why we kept his brother's ashes for so long, my husband's father died during the Covid lockdown, preventing us from holding a proper funeral.
Recently, my husband's niece was in town for a visit. This was a rare occasion- the first time in years that my husband's entire family was in the same city. Seizing this moment, they decided to fulfill the long-delayed task of spreading the ashes of both my husband's father and brother.
My husband's niece bought a small urn to keep a some of her father's ashes. As she and my husband carefully transferred some ashes, she suddenly exclaimed, "I expected it to not have pieces." Her words brought the reality of the situation into focus, stirring emotions amongst the two.
Deciding where to spread the ashes sparked lengthy discussions. My husband's father had expressed only one wish: that his ashes were to be scattered in the Sierra Nevadas. However, we faced practical challenges. My husband's mother, being disabled, can't travel or walk long distances. Instead of the Sierras, we settled on a public park atop of a local mountain in Seattle's eastern suburbs.
Sunday morning, my husband's family gathered at our home for breakfast, a moment of togetherness before the solemn task ahead. We then drove to the chosen location.
We were high enough up the mountain that clouds shrouded the park. Even though there were a few hikers, we managed to find a quiet spot. Each family member shared personal stories and heartfelt words. Finally, when the hikers were gone and we were alone, my husband stepped forward and poured the ashes over a cliff edge. With heavy hearts but a sense of fulfillment, we said our final goodbyes and made our way back home.
We have been in Wisconsin for a few days, for a wedding on my husband's fatger's family side. There was a bit of logistics drama as the fire marshal declined to certify the dining venue for the number of invited guests. We spent a day and a half with the family, setting up and decorating a dining tent. It all turned out well though.
We got to meet and hang out with my husband's cousins and there kids.
The brick... Decades ago my husband's father donated to the local VFW and subsequently had his name engraved on a brick incorporated into the build. Years later, the VFW remodeled again. The husband's cousin retrieved that brick from the rubble and gave it to us at the wedding. A fun memento of the husbands father.
The weekend was social. Meals with family or friends each day since Friday.
Saturday Evan and Allen hosted a BBQ. Allen's 60th Birthday is in January and he wants to celebrate in Thailand and has inited us along. My husband and I are thinking it through. Evan and Allen are close friends, but there is something nice about traveling without others.
Over the weekend a family friend died. He was my father's age and had been struggling for years. My father mentioned that the wake was not well attended. We are not too surprised. This friend never went out of his way to build relationships.
This friend was always busy working on the farm and had little respect for those who didn't do the same. As my brother joked about this friend's approach to life... "If you weren't running, you weren't moving fast enough." This friend wouldn't care about the attendance at his wake. There is so much work to be done. Why waste time mourning the dead?
We just had our roof replaced. We replaced it a few years ahead of schedule, but it had some wear on it that didn't look right.
When the roofers removed the old roof, they found the start of rot along one side. No deep damage. Easy to repair at this stage. The roofer did so at no additional cost.
Politics... politics... So much of it of late. I try to keep my politics are simple. First, I vote. Second I donate to candidates in purple states. Third, I keep warm up relationships with those who may disagree with me. At this point I'm not under the illusion that I can stop extremists or the over sharing over of fake news. The least I can do is not burn down those relationships.
My friend Clem is thinking about flying to a purple state and participating in a door knocking campaign. I've volunteered for telephone campaigning in the past. Perhaps I'll do so again.
We had a house warming party on Saturday. It turned out well. I think about 50 people passed through our doors. We got to know some of our neighbors better. I hope we continue to build these relationships.
We have many leftovers in our fridge and shall be eating pasta salad for a few days.
C2 has dropped by for a few days. Currently he lives in San Diego, and was a contractor for the military. His last contract was not renewed, so he finds himself without a job. With his spare time, he drove up to spend a few days with us. Now he is off to visit friends in Portland, Idaho and Denver.
I went to my dermatologist today. I am fair-skinned and prone to various skin anomalies. Nothing dangerous, but there's always some bump or growth that I want an expert to look at.
The dermatologist examined, poked, prodded, and biopsied various bumps and spots on my body. He also offered some advice: I am beginning to develop "old guy skin." The bumps and spots will become more common in the years to come, and I will need to be more diligent about regular checkups and sun care.
Sigh
Our week in the Valley is over. It was good to catch up with family.
One of my brothers and his wife are staying with my father for two more weeks. He will help dad clean up the property, get it back in tip-top shape.
Dad lives on a lovely fifty acre bush lot. It takes alot of maintenance without which the trails and fences will vanish in the growth. Dad puts much effort into this, but, as he says, his body is constantly reminding him that he is eighty. So, this brother spends some extra time with dad each year to complete the more difficult chores.
Dad has given us a job. He has asked us to remove Mom's clothes and jewelry, to split the jewelry as we see fit and then donate or throw out the rest.
It's a little weird going through Mom's effects. She was frugal and never threw anything out. As her dementia advanced, she started saving papers and masks in plastic bags... so many masks buried under piles of clothing.
It is heartwarming to read her old cards one last time. She kept them too
We are up in the Ottawa Valley for the week, visiting my family. Since Mom's passing last winter, this is the first time in years that we've been here and Mom's care hasn't been our main priority.
It's pleasant here. Temperatures are in the high 70s. Everything is verdant green, with many flowers in bloom.
Selling a house involves signing and initialing many documents. For previous houses, we've visited escrow companies to do this. This time around our documents are all esigned and remote notarized.
Today, the husband is on the east coast for work. We just got off a video call with a remote notary. She verified our ids, walked us through documents and then had us esign them. Very convenient,.
With that, our part of the paper work is over. I understand that the buyer has also signed and sent his funds to the escrow company. If everything goes well, our sale will complete on Thursday.
Monday evening, we accepted an offer for the old house. It was a very good offer. Now all we have to do is pull out the staging and keep the plants watered before until the new owner takes over.
It's easy to be sentimental about the old house. It was a great place to quarantine during the pandemic. I hope the new owner takes good care of it.
Our old house is on the market. There have been a few showings all ready. The old house has a video doorbell that lets us see and hear conversations around the entry. It is tempting to listen in to discussions.
Guests have been coming through our new house. An old friend of the husband is spending a few days here. I had some coworkers over last night. Our new house is much closer to where young singles live, so it's easier to host dinner and drinks for them.
We are over the hump when it comes to the move in. The house is more usable than not. Most of what remains can be sold or donated.
Our new house has a dadu-- detached accessory dwelling unit-- a studio apartment above our garage. We will meet our first potential tenants later today.
We've also invited our first guests over. A nice forcing function to get everything into ship shape.
A lot is happening over the next week. On Tuesday evening, we get the keys for the new house. The main move is scheduled for the following Saturday. Between Tuesday and Saturday, we're having the carpets cleaned and moving what we can. The packing and planning causes a certain amount of tension, but my husband and I have lovingly promised each other that we won't divorce in the next two months. This promise will hold through the stressful transition.
We are buying a new home.
It's a nice home, slightly smaller than our current house. It's in a much more walkable neighborhood.
There is a little bit of drama. To prep for selling our current house, we had it inspected. The inspection came back clean. Unfortunately, part of the inspection was a sewer scope. After the scoping, the inspector didn't properly reinstall the cap. So, for the past few days we've had a slow drip out of the sewer. It doesn't look like there has been major damage. It does make your heart sink though.
We have spent the past few days in North Carolina with some old fiends of a the Husband's.
Saturday we attended their daughter's graduated university. We also helped her pack for a move. It was a long emotional day. That evening we drove down to Surf City NC to enjoy a week a the beach. It's very pleasent here. The weather has largely cooperated. Even the rain has been warm and gentle enough that walking in it is pleasant.
i’m heading out this morning. I’ve already said goodbye to dad. He cried a little then left for his morning bus route.
It’s a travel day for me. I am already getting notices that my flights are delayed.
We have designed and put a down payment on a tombstone for mom and dad. We put much thought into it. It's simple and elegant-- very similar to other family tombstones, yet reflects my parent's tastes. Mom's side has a little decoration on it. Dad wanted his side to be plain.
My brother and his wife have just left the family farm for their return trip home. I'm staying a few more days then flying off to a week of vacation with my husband.
The interment was lovely. It was well attended by family. The weather cooperated.
I'm realizing how little I actually know about much of my extended family. I recognize their names and faces, but I probably wouldn't travel to their funerals. Perhaps I'm overthinking this. Most of the family is retired and lives within a 15-minute drive of the church. A few live a few hours away. Only my brother and I must travel across the continent.
My brother puts much effort into memorizing family dates and names, births, marriages, and deaths. On Sunday, we toured other family gravesites. He noticed that I have a cousin who was born less than three months after his parents' marriage. Dad had a good laugh. Dad has always known that uncle and aunt had a shotgun wedding. They kept it hidden as my aunt was training to be a nurse in a city that only had Catholic hospitals. The secret was kept well enough as my aunt went on to have a successful career in nursing.
And my father—he is doing well. There are moments when a little grief creeps up on him. But, by and large, he is in good spirits. He is taking much better care of the house than the last time we were here. He regularly visits neighbors and relatives. He is also enjoying his job as a school bus driver.
I am back in the Ottawa Valley for my mother’s interment. “What is an interment?” I hear you ask. Well… my mother died last February. In this part of the world, in February, the ground is deeply frozen. People who die in the winter can’t be buried at that time. The burial then, the interment, happens sometime in spring after the thaw. We get together and host a mini funeral.
My brothers will also be at the internment as will other family. One of my brothers and I both flew red eyes into Ottawa. We will drive the last leg up to my parents home together.
Every few years I must relearn why I shouldn’t fly red eyeS. They sound attractive— they are less expensive and I can travel without loosing a day, In practice I sleep badly on the jet and can only get a couple hours of shut eye. I’ll be exhausted today. Fortunately, being exhausted is acceptable at a funeral.
Last night the topic of our next move came up. It started off as an argument, but ended as a good discussion. I think we got to the core of differences-- the mortgage and monthly bills. I feel very safe and comfortable in our current house. It's a fantastic investment and it will alway be easy to sell. I am in no rush to change that.
The mortgage keeps the husband on edge. He feels like he can't even consider retirement until we live somewhere else. Owning our residence out right would give him piece of mind. Work has been very stressful on him for the past few months and he feels like he has no option but to keep working. He would love to transition to a less stressful job. He seems to be uncomfortable about retiring unless I retire with him.
I think that I'm in my early fifties, in my peak earning years and working in an industry that has a history of ejecting its elders. Doors will close should I hint that I'm looking at retirement.
We had dinner with SB last night. He seems to be in good spirits. SB has problems speaking loudly for longer stretches, so a friend shared more details. SB has been assessed by a psychologist and a 2nd doctor and qualifies for the assisted suicide. Sometime in the near future, SB, SB's daughter and another friend will travel somewhere for the actual process.
Allan and Even have bought a new home. They have moved a little farther away from Seattle. It's a nice home and not far away from the water. It is in the flight path the SeaTac Airport. Outside there is jet noise every few minutes. Inside, with the windows closed, it is pleasant.
Their move has renewed my husband's and I discussion about our next home. I've been able to put off thinking about our next home. The husband has not. He still regularly searches through the apps for great houses.
We both agree that moving where in SeaTac's flight path, while very affordable, is not something we want.
We have paused our search for a new home. My husband sensed my hesitation. We had a good discussion as a result.
I think he was a little miffed at me for encouraging him yet not being all in.
It has cleared up a lot of what we need to settle on before retirement-- how much we want to have in investments, where we want to live, what our commute can be like while we are still working.
I am also comforted that, with very little searching, we found three great houses. If they are that common now, we will find them again in five years.
Do you really want to be compelled to drive - one day each week - for THREE HOURS in all types of weather in the years remaining until your retirement? Are the house itself and its location attractive enough to justify so doing? Roderick
Agreed. On that front, we've spotted a condo closer to home that could be a nice "forever home." It meets many of the requirements-- a great walk-able location with a view, we can buy it without a mortgage, and the commute isn't too bad.
It's much smaller than our current house, so we would need to greatly downsize. It's also not an ideal condo for guests to have an extended stay as the second bedroom is small. Maybe that's OK. We generally don't have many guests.
It's also less of an investment and more of a luxury. That doesn't overly concern my husband, but it is something I keep in mind.
Something I've learned about myself through our property hunt is that financial security is probably the thing that drives me the most. Usually, it manifests itself in healthy ways-- we never have credit card debt, and we invest much of our paychecks.
There is an unhealthy side to this-- being cheap to the point of negligence, being cheap and not frugal. This is common in my family. I have relatives, including my father, who brag that they live on less than $40K a year. I know I'll receive a certain amount of blowback from these relatives for acting better than them, for not living a simple, humble life, for not donating my money to causes important to them.
Most of my relatives would likely be happy for me.
And maybe I shouldn't care about the judgements of either.
My father is going to drive the school bus again. He drove the school bus for years after his retirement but stepped away from it about six months ago to take care of mom. His bus driver's license subsequently lapsed. When we were talking today, he told me he had passed his test and would start driving again next week. His old employer was grateful to have him back.
It's been four years since the start of COVID-19 and quarantine-in-place orders. Four years since my frequent gazing out the window revealed a Rufous hummingbird that was dominating our backyard.
The Rufous hummingbird is back, though I can't say with certainty that it's the same one migrating back to our yard every year.
As always, he is way more territorial than the other hummingbirds in the area. When I'm outside, I frequently hear him dive-bombing and chirping at other birds.
This past week marked the one-month anniversary of mom's death. We called dad that night. It was somber, yet also optimistic that every week gets a little better.
I was cleaning up my notes this morning, and I found the list of hymns that we sang at mom's funeral. I'm recording it here for my own personal reference:
Amazing Grace Great is Thy Faithfulness The Lord is My Shepherd Abide with Me
A few days before mom‘s passing, our minister and his wife were over to visit. They sang the Lord is my shepherd together. I don’t consider myself an active Christian, but listening to them sing was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.
My husband and I are spending a week in Hawaii. He has business to attend to, while I am working remote. Naturally, my brothers tease me a bit during our conversations. “But I am working here,” I insist.
“Why don’t you work from Dads home? It’s only -2 degrees.”My husband has decided to retire from his job. It's been a long, tough decision. I don't think he's going to retire-retire. He's frustrated with his current manager and sees no way out. Retiring offers more benefits than quitting, so he's filed to retire in a few months but plans to use some of that time to look for another job afterward.
Friday Update... My husband's VP reached out to him and found a better role for him away from his current manager.
