We have spent the past week in the Ottawa Valley, visiting my parents, family and friends.

The Valley has changed as lot since I was a young. Also-- I've grown up. I've gone from being a gay kid who wanted to get away, who spent years in Seattle ignoring his family as much as possible, to so someone who can appreciate the peace of the valley and is trying to build relationships with those I left behind.

The valley is less homophobic now. Also, I care less about that. I'm not mature enough to pick and choose my friends from those who accept us. I no longer worry about the harsh judgement from some of the family.

I come from a large extended family. Not counting the spouses, I have 14 uncles and aunts and well over 50 cousins. A good chunk of them are very nice people and we enjoy spending time with them-- they get along well with the husband.

My parents are getting old. Moms dementia is more pronounced every time I visit. Practically she can no longer be alone for more than a a few minutes. She easily gets lost. She can't remember what she did 10 minutes ago. Dad patiently stays with her every day. My brothers and I need to arrange some relief for him. 

Tomorrow we drive up to Toronto to visit other friends. I'm looking forward to this next leg of our trip. It will be a little more relaxed. Less obligation to see as many people as possible.

Bathwater comments…

>Wonder what it will be like when he faces his own death?

I am unsure what he will actually be like, but we have discussed this. It was similarly cavalier… if he can't wipe his ass or feed himself then he wants to blow his brains out

It was a bit of a roller coaster of a day. 

We got news that the husband's uncle passed away. He was in hospice and had been struggling for a while, so this was for the best.

Dinner was wonderful. 

C3's father isn't doing well and has been in hospice for two months. Today, C3 said his father has stopped eating.

C3 has always had a cavalier attitude about his father's decline. We discussed. He said people die. You have to get over it or it will drag you down for years. He brought up that his mother died, his stepmother died and one of his sisters died.

"I didn't know you has a second sister." 

"I don't talk about her" 

That said a lot.

Merry Christmas everyone! Happy Boxing Day & New Years.

This evening we will have our holiday dinner. It will be a small crowd-- our regular bubble. The husband has outdone himself and setup something special.

We have an excess of cookies, cakes and fudge. I've already started snacking. 

Tomorrow, we fly out to Ottawa & Toronto to visit my family. We shall see what happens with omicron. I've passed two COVID tests in the last week, so traveling is the big risk. Still, most everyone I know in Ontario is vaccinated. Most are boosted. 

Fingers crossed.

Work is quieting down for the holidays. Or rather, there are as many emergencies as ever, but there are fewer people to act on them, or to complain about the lack of action...

We had a minor COVID scare. COVID inconvenience really. On December 8th, I was in our office for a small holiday get-together. A week and a half later, December 15, I received a notification that someone at the get-together had tested positive for COVID. I felt fine. None the less we went out and got a rapid test. And yes, they came back negative.

The testing site was chaotic and slow. We will be traveling to Ontario next week to visit family, so we will need to be retested 72 hours before we depart. Will leave my self much buffer time.

Last night we had had dinner with Clem and Bates. This was the first time I've seen Bates since he retired back in June. They have been traveling *alot* Europe. Multiple Trips to Oregon. California. Mexico. Hawaii. 

Bates has gained much weight. Easily 50 lbs. I'm worried about him. 

But, he is enjoying himself.

Once a week we visit the mother-in-law. We assemble new furniture. Play games with her. Have dinner together. Just chat.

She can be very grumbly. This really bugs the husband. I can listen to her complaints and not respond. The husband needs to pushback-- to give her feedback. This frequently escalates to verbal arguments. 

I'm not going to fault the husband for this. He has probably had to push back against his mother since childhood least she steam role him. His emotions don't quit understand that she is now powerless over him, unless he gives her power.

I've started to go into work a couple times a week. I'm aiming for Wednesdays and Fridays. The introverts on my team could work from home forever. The extraverts are frustrated that no-one ever goes into the office.

So I'll straddle the line and do a little of both.

We have a nice office that could easily hold one hundred people. On any given day half a dozen will show up. They company has started bringing in lunch. There is free beer. And yet...

Last night, on my way home, I walked by a large condo. Someone high up, about the twentieth floor, was throwing stuff out the window. TVs. Speakers. Clothing. Dishes. Heavy things. They hit road and shattered. A few things hit the roofs of passing cars. I don't know what the end story was. The police were arriving as I walked away.

I had Thanksgiving week off work. I'm surprised how fast it went. I didn't do much. I did hardly anything that I planned to do. Yet time flew.

We had a eight people over for Thanksgiving, including a neighbor. We began cooking around eight am for a three pm dinner. There was much prep. I swear we ran the dishwasher twice before the guests arrived and another two times after.

The meal turned out well though. I enjoyed the turkey. Am still eating the leftovers today,

It's official. I am now an American. We are having a couple celebrations this weekend. The drinking friends tonight. The sober friends on Saturday.

The husband is more excited about this than I am. For me this was a very practical decision. I've lived in the U.S. for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. My home, savings and investments are in America. I'm going to be here, probably till I die, so lets just make the relationship official.

I've looked up some of what changes when you are an American v.s. a permanent resident. Of course I get the right to vote. I can also participate in jury duty. 

I can no longer be kicked out of the country for crimes of moral turpitude. That sounds like a challenge until you look up what moral turpitude actually is.

C2 has received a guide to "The Dying Experience" from his father's hospice. He says his father is in the "One To Two Weeks" category. 

Mostly, C2 is angry at his father.  Quote... "my asshole dad abdicated personal responsibility 20 years ago." It sounds like his father, for the past 20 years, has just been sitting around, watching TV and drinking and eating, especially sweets. He put no effort into anything else. Not trying to rebuild his relationship with his kids. Not doing anything out side of eating, drinking and watching TV.

 

I have been playing bachelor this week. The husband is in Hawaii for work. 

I'm not jealous that the husband is in Hawaii. There will be other opportunities  for me to join him there. We did discuss me working in Honolulu for the week. The travel and the time difference would have been a pain. 

I've been enjoying my solitude. When it's not raining hard, I've been going on hikes and long walks with the dog. I finished off the jigsaw puzzle. I've been listening to music. Learning about Samba, Bossa Nova and Tango.

C2's father is 

 > Don't jinx yourself :). A normal life never seems to happen.

Of course not! C2's father has taken a turn for the worse. He is moving to hospice later today. Our house is much closer to the father's than C2's current place, so C2 is staying here until things are sorted out.

C2 doesn't have fond memories of his father or his childhood. His mother died in a car accident when he was four. His step mother died of leukemia a few years later. His father was distant and harsh. C2 moved in with a friend's family when he was 16. He joined the navy when he was 18.

C2 has always been quiet about his life before I met him. I can see why. There is not much he wants to remember.

Halloween-- It was good this year.  We had about forty kids. It was an early Halloween. Kids started showing up around 4:30. They stopped showing up by 7:00 so we turned out our lights by 7:30

The half empty bag of candy still sits on the kitchen counter. I'm going to throw it out. I don't trust myself to only eat one piece a day. I'll gorge.

It's a gorgeous day today. Nice reprieve from the wind and rain that we've been having.

The mother-in-law is in her new apartment. 

We had a large amount of wind and rain on Thursday and Friday. Of course her stuff arrived on Thursday.

I am surprised how much work it takes to setup even a small apartment.

By late Saturday morning, enough of her apartment with set up that we took a break. We took a walk around her neighborhood on her new scooter. The neighborhood is nice but older. Not all the sidewalks are scooter friendly. They are not hard to navigate around once you know the alternate route.

Hopefully the husband and I can now resume our normal life.

It's been a rainy and windy weekend.

We visited the mother-in-laws new place. Took a few things to it. Set up the wifi. The place is very nice. She is looking forward to moving in.

There is still no news on when her stuff will arrive. We are contemplating getting her a bed and a few other necessities so that she can move in before her stuff arrives. The retirement home covers her meals so she won't need much. This would let her meet her neighbors rather than hang around our place all day.

 

Last night we had dinner with C2, his step-brother and the mother-in-law. This was C2's idea. His step-brother is in town for a week and C2 was looking for ways to entertain him. 

The dinner turned out well. This was the first time I've met C2's step-brother so there was a bit of risk the dinner would be volatile

On the mother-in-law front-- she has sold her car and given up her drivers license. I feel a little sad that she has accepted that she is in decline. Of course her whole move to Seattle was driven by that fact. Giving up your mobility though, that's a big step.

Mother-in-law may be with us for the next two or three weeks. The mover in Sacramento told her that it would only take a week to transport her stuff. Now that she is Seattle, the Seattle branch of the mover has said it will take much longer. Frustrating for everyone.

The moving company has been hanging up on the mother-in-law when she calls. This may be because the mother-in-law has been calling and poking too often, too aggressively. It may also be because something is wrong with the mover. 

 > Congratulations, it is always good to have options :)

Yes. Now I have access to those fabulous "American Privileges" like jury duty, voting, and being able to be run for the House or Senate.

I've been a permanent resident for over twenty years. I'm married to an American. My career is in America. It was time to take the next step.

C2 has a security clearance. He thanked me for getting my citizenship as it's less paperwork for him-- he must report relationships with foreign nationals.

 

After two years, my citizenship has been approved! 

I don't yet know when I'll take the oath. Sometime in the next month I'll be mailed a card with a date.

I am home. C2 and I cleaned up the place and set up a room for the mother-in-law. 

The husband and the mother-in-law are about an hour away. They took two days to make the journey from Sacramento.

C2 is planning to stay at a friend's weekend-home while the mother-in-law is here. It's a cabin on an island that's about ninety minutes from Seattle. It will be a good base for him while he continues to house hunt.