Mom had an MRI last week. She is meeting with doctors on Tuesday to discuss the results. Her sprits are up. Whatever the spot is, it was spotted early.

My aunt, a retried nurse, is helping my move through much of this. She has a good grasp is the process and the risks. This has greatly helped mom.

My aunt's husband, my uncle, died years ago from cancer. Mom was with my aunt through much of this experience. So my aunt is now graciously returning the favor.

I have not yet told RO about the growth in mom's head, at least not until we know more about it. It  could be something simple that can be lasered out. It could be worse to, but we don't know yet.

Doctors found a growth in mom's head. They are doing more scans in the next day or two.

Memory #2

My first memories are when I was 4, or maybe 3. I don't know. This experience isn't uncommon. Who really remembers being a toddler?

We think that we start remember things after we are 4, but really how true is this? My 30's consisted of over 3650 days. I commuted to work over 2000 times. Ate over 10000 meals. Yet if I remembered 100 of those days, my memory would be considered excellent. That means the vast majority of those days are lost even to someone with an excellent memory.

Is it because I remember a day here and their while I was in my 30's that I think I remember my 30's. It's seems to be true that my 30's are as lost as my toddler years.  It's a mental quirk that makes me think otherwise. I remember a day here and there throughout my 30's, so I conclude that I remember my 30's. What's really happened is that I've forgotton that I've forgot. With no details to make me confront this absence, I conveniently don't realize it exists.  

When I was young, I knew I didn't know much. That was OK since I was learning. Eventually I would learn every thing.

Then, in high school, and university, I knew I could learn the things I studied. I accepted that I Would be ignorant of the things I didn't study. There just wasn't enough time.

But, as time went on, I saw that even on the subjects I study, there were deep mysteries. Hard work and deep research reveals that there is so much more to learn than you can ever be exposed to.

Then I started to realize  that so much of what I knew, so much of what I had put so much effort into learning wasn't aging well. So many facts were outdated. Some of what I learnt was wrong. Much was misremembered, and lots was forgotten.

I could read some books and have a vague feeling that I've read that book before, yet not know how the book ended. Sure enough, if I looked over my reading history, I had read that book before and forgot it completely.

But the more I think about this, the less I feel that I am becoming frail, weak and forgetful with old age. This ignorance maybe the way of life for everyone, and I'm only now realizing it.

When you are young and you forget to do an assignment, or bring chips to the party it's not a big deal and you brush it off. When you are middle aged and you forget, then doubt creeps in and you think you are loosing your mind. This scares many people. I can't go there. Doubt and anxiety do not make things better. I have to face the world as it is, with the strengths that I have. Weather or not my mind is getting weaker, or stronger.

Sent from Windows Mail

I've run the three falls twice now. Its a good run, but really tires me out when I'm done. Its an out four miles round trip, and takes me about one hundred minutes to run.

This week I have a cold, so I'm resting. Hopefully ill shave a few minutes off my time next week.

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Coal creek falls.

I think I'm going to use Facebook less, and blog more. My blog has no readers, except me, so its ok to write about lots of stuff that only I want to read.

I've run the three falls on cougar mountain twice now. Its a great rr

Logging.

A tree fell in the back yard. I sawed it up, slit the logs, then stacked the wood. I haven't done that since I was in high school. It hasn't gotten anymore easier since then.

I ran the three falls today. Well, I mostly ran. I walked the steep up hill parts. Ran the more gentle slopes and down hill.

I took me 100 minutes. My legs are sore now, especially the tendon that ends along side my groin. Aside from that, I feel good. No blisters on my feet.

Running

I'm dreaming of running the three falls at Cougar Mountain park. This is not a goal, just something I want to start doing.

Running by the three falls will be the longest and steepest run I've done. But, it's not that much longer or more steep than the runs I'm doing now.

Today I ran the DeLeo wall trail which took about 60 minutes. Usually I run the Coal Creek falls loop. That takes about 40 minutes.

I think that running a loop by the three falls, Coal Creek, Doughty and Far Country Falls, will take anywhere from and hour and fifteen, to an hour and a half. Long, but I can do it. 

What am I doing...

We finished painting the deck, rushing before the rain hits Seattle.

This summer has been lovely. It's still warm out. But rain is now forecasted more often than not. I'm happy with that. I feel obligated to be out and enjoying every minute of the the sun when the weather is pleasant. When it's cloudy and rainy, I get to choose how to spend my time.

I'm trying to get RO to focus and finish his projects. Sometimes it appears that when he hits a speed bump in the middle of a project, he starts two more. Our house is littered with stuff, half started ideas that will be one day finished off. To me it's just too much stuff.

9/11

I didn't realize that today was 9/11 until late in the day. There we no specials on TV. No invitations to attend commemorative services. I see a few online articles about terrorism, but nothing out of the ordinary, especially since Syria is in the news. Has America moved beyond 9/11?

Trail running

I've started trail running. I didn't plan on trail running. I've never really wanted to trail run. I just started doing it.

For hears I've gone for a weekly hike on cougar mountain. Cougar mountain has many trail runners on it, many of whom are in far better condition than I. One time when I was walking up a steep hill, panting, four women ran by me. They were talking to each other! Not panting. Talking like the hill was nothing.

Last year work started paying for a gym membership. I started going regularly. I started doing cardio two or three times a week.

Then, last weekend, while I was finishing off on a tread mill, it occurred to me that a tread mill was boring and that I could probably trail run without walking too much.

So I tried it out. It went well. I got good trail running shoes. I've been pushing my self a bit more each time.

Woodpecker

I watch nervously every time a woodpecker lands on a tree in the backyard.

 

Back to work...

I'm back to work. After Washington DC, C2 spent a few days with us in Seattle.

C2 is sometimes an odd bird. He's a loud house guest. I think that he's lived alone in Afghanistan and Iraq  for so long that he doesn't think about how he carries himself when he's alone, but others are nearby. His footsteps are heavy. He closes doors loudly. He regularly moans, groans and makes load sighing sounds.

It was good to spend time with him though.

DC

I'm in Washington DC for a week. It's a wonderful city. So much to see. I will come back.

 

I'm reminded how new the places I've lived are. Here the history is real and thick. Many buildings are very old. The museums have much art from centuries gone by. Of course the National Archive has the original U.S. Constitution.

 

I've been to the Lincoln memorial three times. It's always crowded, late at night, early in the morning. Hundreds of people climb the steps.

 

Green paint was sprayed on Lincoln while I was here. News says the vandal was a mentally ill homeless woman.

 

Lincoln's great speeches are on the side of the memorial.  People walk right up to the statue of Lincoln and take many photos of him.  But people stay away from the speeches and take fewer photos.  We joked that this is because Americans are ignorant of lincoln's words.  I think the reality is that pictures of the words just aren't that photographic.  Especially when compared to the statue of Lincoln.

 

I wanted to meditate at the memorial.  I've read so much about its profound effects on people.  But the memorial is crowded and loud.  Not the place where one can sit and think.

 

At the national gallery of art there are many wonderful paintings.  I want to gush here.

 

C2 is here.  He is back from Afghanistan and now working in Washington.  He may be dating someone.  If it doesn't work out he said he will head off to Syria.

 

 

 

 

Outside...

RO and I have slept outside in a tent in our back yard for the past 4 days. Its very dark, cool and quiet outside. Perfect for sleeping.

summer weather

has been perfect. RO and I have started sleeping outside in a tent. RO suffers from insomnia. It goes away when he sleeps outside. Confidentially, I think it's because when he wakes up, he can't get up and watch TV or play with the computer. The bedroom has half a dozen blinking LED'S

 

The 4th

For the 4th C&J invited us to Everett for dinner and to watch the fireworks.

C&J's house is incredibly well decorated and very clean. I haven't had a chance to talk to RO about it, but I'm sure he'll bring it up. I don't know how they have the time.

home...

I went home for a family reunion. It was great to see everyone. Uncles, Aunts, cousins and their kids came from all over the place.

Some of the first generation is getting very old and falling into decline. I can't help but wonder if what they are going through is a sneak preview of what I will go through.

I have a cousin, a woman, who is proudly single. She has woman friends and she travels around. She also seems to be fairly liberal. I always wonder if she's a lesbian, but I never bother bringing it up. She works for a very conservative school. Her parents, are even more conservative than mine. It's easier if we don't know.

The brothers seem to be doing well. The middle brother is on his fourth marriage. This time, she's a good, normal person. The four of their kids result in a *very* blended family.

The younger brother is... I think he's doing well. Not sure. He hasn't yet discovered the difference between being right, and making things better. He says he listens to forty hours of podcasts a week. His wife says that as a result, facts are always popping out of him. I almost think his love of facts is away for him to declare his space, his value, in what is a very weird home life.

Weird home life... He and his wife are fine. But they live in "The Compound" A huge house with the wife's mother, the wife's mother's other children, their spouses, and those children. It's crazy. Right now one of the other couples are going through marital problems. It's stressful for everyone.