Bwahaha. Harry has invited me over to his place. I can't get ahead of myself though. It's innocent. His house closed today. This weekend, I'm taking a motorcycle safety course in south seattle-- near his house. After the course he's invited me over to see his place.

I played hockey last night. It was a frustrating game. We lost 8-2. The frustrating part is that, while I was on the ice, only two goals were scored. The other D play too offensivly. The minute we get a goal behind, they stop playing defense, and start playing like offence. And then another goal goes in.

Ryan dislocated his shoulder so he didn't play. I have to give him a call to see how he's doing.

Hmmm. Harry just gave me a call. I told him about my trip to Mt. Hood. When he heard that only Bruce, Chris and I went, he said I should have grabbed him to go.

Last night, I ran into Allan, the guy who stiffed me. I ignored him. He tackeled me, apologized, offered to pay me back, and bought me a drink. He said he was a bit stoned when he walked out on me. To further apologize, he offered to share some of his cocaine with me. Uhhh... how kind of him. I turned down the offer. We chatted for a few minutes and then I left. It looks like he's a fairly heavy drug user-- that's bad news. Stay away.

I had a great weekend. I will never forget skinny dipping in a blizzard.

It’s about a 5 hour drive from here to the Timberline Lodge. Most of it was uneventful—except for the last 6 miles. As we drove up the mountain, it started to blizzard. The last 6 miles is steep winding, icy and snowy. I haven’t driven in snow for a few years. I ditched the truck. Fortunately it was easy to push out. A good Mexican man with 4WD helped us. After that I put chains on the truck. The Mexican followed us the rest of the way up the hill to make sure we were ok. It’s amazing how long 6 miles is when you can only go 15/20 MPH. When we got to the top of the hill, we gave the man $10.00, and invited him in for a drink. He said no because he had to go.

We had thanksgiving dinner at the Lodge—great meal. It was a spendy dinner, but worth every penny. The table next to us was having a bad time. All the adults except one man, were at one end of the table. The kids, and the man, were at the opposite end. The separated man and a man on the grown-up side of the table kept glairing at each other.

After dinner, we went swimming! The lodge has a heated swimming pool; about 80F. Under water was beautiful. Above the water our heads were pelted by snow.

We stayed in for about an hour. No one else was in the pool, so we skinny dipped.

After swimming we went to the lodge bar and talked to the staff. Almost all of the staff drives Subaru’s.

We were in bed by 11pm. Because of the blizzard we didn’t expect to snowboard on Friday.

We were wrong. Friday was a beautiful, sunny day-- perfect weather for snowboarding. The three of us have very different styles. I started snowboarding last winter, so I’m still green. I fall a lot.

Bruce is more of an explorer. He wants to hit all the paths on all of the trails, just to see what’s there. He’s not afraid of any conditions because he knows he has the skills to get out. Bruce rarely falls. He makes basic snowboarding look easy—as if he just looks where he wants to go, and magically his snowboard transports him there.

Chris loves jumping and stunts. He is weak in soft and deep powder. He becomes nervous if there are no people around.

One time, we were on a very quiet trail with no one else around. Chris and I both fell in a dip. The snow was very soft and at least two feet deep. When the snow is that deep, every step is a big effort. We had to struggle to the top of the dip. Chris got a bit nervous. I was very tired and also nervous. We had never been on that trail before, so we didn’t know if it was going to get worse. Bruce on the other hand was very nonchalant. He was watching us to make sure we didn’t get into trouble—ready to take off again once we got back on our feet.

After boarding for the day, we swam again and relaxed a bit. At one point, we got out of the water, naked, made snow angles, and then jumped back in the water. It’s weird feeling the cold snow against wet skin. It’s not painful, but it’s not pleasant either.

We decided to go to town for dinner. We had to dig the truck out of a huge snow drift. It was a big struggle and took about 30 minutes. By the end, we were all tired, hungry and a bit edgy. We had dinner at the In-Between, in the town of Zig Zag.

We were back at the lodge by 8pm. Bruce went to bed. Chris and I had a drink by their huge fire place

We both hit the sack by 10pm. Unfortunately, Friday night our neighbors were nimrods. The lodge has very thin walls. Our neighbors decided to get stoned on crappy marijuana. They would puff a bit, and then cough a lot. They played gangster rap. They telephone many friends and shouted “Hey doodz! You’ll never guess where I am!” We were too tired to complain. Most of the time, we slept through it.

On Saturday the blizzard returned. The lifts were open though. So, we went snowboarding. Going down wasn’t too bad because the trails are protected by trees. The chair lifts up were cold. At some parts you got the full brunt of the wind. Still, we went down 5 or 6 times.

At about 1pm, we called it a day. We started back for Seattle. Bruce and Chris slept most of the way. At the beginning of the ride, Bruce and Chris we kind of short with each other. After a meal, and their naps, everything was good again.

Good news. Over Thanksgiving, Bruce, Chris and I are heading down to Mt. Hood in Oregon. We are going to snowboard at the Timberline Lodge. Weird Trivia, they shot parts of The Shining at the Timberline.

Bad News. Tonight I was stood up for a dinner date. The guys name was Jason. I've known him for about a year. About 2 months ago, Jason got out of a 6 year LTR. I kind of expected him to no-show. Last week, we agreed to get together tonight. I called him on Sunday to confirm the time and place. He never called back.

Satuday, Bruce, Chris and I went to the Lost Lake and hiked half way around it. Chris and I are both above 6'3'', while Bruce is only about 5'9''. So, there were streams that Chris and I could jump over, that Bruce needed extra help with.

Sunday night I went out to the Cuff. I ran into Brian. He vented to me about how I treated him, and then he left.

Sunday, B&C and I had breakfast at Van's. We chatted with Kathern, our waitress. She plays poker fairly often, and says she regularly wins more than she loses. So, we were asking her for tips.

Later on we hiked down Snoqualmie Falls. Neither Bruce nor Chris has ever hiked to the base of the falls before.

I went out to the Cuff again Sunday night. I ran into another Chris. This Chris is kind of mean. He taunted me for having a crush on Harry. I don't really like Chris's crowd. They're the attractive bears that sleep around a lot. Let me take that back. I'm attracted to Chris's crowd, but once you get to know them, they are mostly jerks.

I need to stay away from the bars for a while. Bruce talked about going up to Mt. Baker to snowboard over Thanksgiving. I think I'll go and get him and Chris to come along.

Fun evening. Bruce, Chris, Ryan, Jen, Kam and I met for dinner at Sushi Land. At Sushi Land, a conveyer belt loaded with sushi travels by the tables. As the sushi goes by you take what you want. It's fun and cheap. The sushi isn't that bad either.

After sushi, Bruce and Chris left. R,J,K and I saw K-PAX. It's on ok movie. Half way through the movie, a guy got up, and stood behind Jen, lifted his shirt, and started scratching his belly. It kind of annoyed Jen. I don't think he was a pervert or anything. I think he was just a low class man who was kind of bored by the movie and wanted to stretch.

After K-PAX, we had a couple of beers at Rock Bottom and chatted for a while. I'm should go to Rock Bottom more often. I saw several gay couples there. I wonder If I could meet a guy there. It's much more normal at Rock Bottom than at the Cuff. Then again it's a straight bar. I could be asking for trouble.

I was used last night. I’m kind of bitter about it. On the other hand, the damage done was very minimal, and now I have a story to tell. Live and learn.

Last night, I went downtown to the Cuff and ran into Tim and his friend Allan. I’ve known Tim for a while. I’ve never met Allan before. Allan is a very attractive, charming man. We had a beer at the Cuff and headed over to the Madison. I bought the round at the Madison. Next we went to C.C.’s.

I also bought the first round of drinks at C.C.’s. Allan set up a tab and bought the second round. He also bought a few drinks for people he was chatting with. We spent about an hour at C.C.’s just chatting, pleasant conversation.

I left to go to the bathroom. When I got back, Allan and Tim were gone and Allan didn’t pay his tab. I looked out the window and saw them walking down the street. I’m a bit steamed about that. I paid Allan’s tab and walked toward my truck.

I ran into Allan and Tim by my truck. When they saw me, they immediately made like it was a big joke. Of course they didn’t offer to pay me back. Tim invited Allan and I back to his place for one last drink. I was still a bit infatuated by Allan, so I agreed. Allan drove with Tim and I followed. Tim drove very fast. I kept hitting red lights and Tim kept driving on a head. After a while I got tired of chasing them, so I drove home.

I wonder what I’m going to do the next time I see Tim. We have several mutual friends.

Not much happened today or yesterday. I'm working a lot. Master Nick called tonight. I told him that I wasn't intersted in being his sex slave anymore. He thanked me for telling him.

Harry called me. We talked a while. He's excited about his house although he's house poor for a while. We also talked about all the shitty gossip going around. Also, on Saturday night, I talked to his ex. Harry talked to the ex on Sunday, so Harry mentioned that the ex mentioned that I talked to him.

The ex seems like a good man. Maybe I'll wait a few months and ask him out.

I had a personal-ad date tonight. I took out a personal-ad a few months ago. Last week I saw that I over looked one reply. I emailed, and we decided to get together for coffee. Well. I'm not interested in him at all. He was a nice guy, but we have little in common. Also, I'm not physically attracted to him. End result was that I left frustrated. I frustration screamed on my way home, but it didn't help like it ususally does

When I got home, I worked out extra hard.

Bruce's new BF, Chris is kind of an cool guy. He seems genuinely interested when he talks to you. The interest may be slightly self serving. Chris is in the film industry. He’s worked on music videos, commercials and documentaries. Mostly he’s a camera man and art director. But sometime he writes and directs. I get the feeling he pays attention so he can make his writing and direction more true. A few times something I’ve said has struck Chris’s ear, and he wrote it down…

“We exchanged phone numbers, but he was from the middle of nowhere, and I was from the middle of a different nowhere, so we never managed to get together.” –Me.

This morning over breakfast, a lady with a Bible, who locked the keys in her car and broke he heel on her shoe, asked me to drive her to Church. I agreed to it. Later on Chris mentioned that when she asked, a series of 8 emotions quickly passed over my face. He wondered if I could do it again so he could write it down. I had no real recollection of what I felt, so I had to say no.

Right now Chris is working on a documentary about rally racers. For about a year, he’s been following about a dozen guys, in their late teens and early twenties, who live, breath, eat and sleep to rally race and stunt drive. All of the guys came from very wacked-up families. Chris, being relatively stable, ended up being a kind of father figure to them. Now that filming is over he has very mixed emotions. The guys still want him to be around all the time. He’s still trying to be friends but it’s hard. He didn’t tell them he is gay. He has to spend his time working on other things. It’s a tough situation.

Last night I had dinner with Bruce and Chris at a new Mexican restaurant in Redmond. It was good. Afterwards, We had coffee at Victor's. A duo was playing there.

Chris is still doped up from surgury.

Afterwards, I went to the Cuff and talked to some good friends of Harry. Nice guys, but they are not the most descreet people. Two things. One. Harry has been tricking with a 22yo. Both of Harry's friends said it's not going to go anywhere. The last time I talked to Harry, he mentioned the 22yo, but said he wasn't dating anyone.

Two. About two weeks ago Harry said I was the love of his life. Excellent, I've got a shot.

Last night I went out for dinner with L. We went through the usual routine... Siam's on Broadway followed by coffee at the Starbucks. The Stranger, a local free newspaper, has been running Masturbation Horror Stories The barista at Starbucks was more than happy to talk about the stories with us.

I also went to the Cuff. I net a nice guy there, Dan. I gave him my number and asked him to call if he wants to have dinner sometime. We'll see what happens.

Later on I went to the Eagle. I ran into Brian there. At about 1:30am I left, and Brian asked me to drive him home since he was drinking too much. I figured he'd hit me up to go sleep with him, but I drove him anyway. Well, I drove him home. I refused to go to bed with him. We talked and argued about it, in his drive way, for about 30 minutes. He wouldn't get out of my truck, so I started to drive him back to his truck. That's when we really started shout at each other. I never realized how much I hurt him. Sometimes I was passive aggressive about our relationship problems. I could never get him to change (tone down his temper) so I just put up and shut up. When that came up in our argument, he started shouting, half crying, half angry, "You never told me that. You never talked to me. You never gave me a chance." Until then I always viewed the problems between Brian and I as Brian's fault. I never thought about my own guilt.

By about 3am, we stopped arguing and made up. I slept alone last night. I don't want to get back together with Brian. I've got a crush on someone else right now, and until that's resolved I can't honestly try to build a relationship with anyone.

Over breakfast I talked about this with Bruce and Chris. Chris had day surgery yesterday. Nothing serious, Right now he is on pain killers and is pleasantly stoned. When Chris heard what I said about Brian, he got kind of emotional and said he might start to cry. So, we switched the subject and started talking about skiing.

So Chris has asked Bruce to move in with him. Bruce is mulling over it. He's not sure. I think he wants to, but I don't know if he wants to put up with Chris's bouts of flakeness.

Played Hockey last night. We lost again. 6-5. It was our fault. We lead the first period 3-1. Then we fell apart. Our cardio didn't hold out. They started gooning us. Our weaker plays started bitching about getting less ice time. We started fighting amungst ourselves. Bleah. We didn't deserve to win.

It was a chippy game. Lots of penaties. I got an interferance penalty for pushing and tripping one of their guys who was hanging around our net.

Another crappy cafeteria story. Today my manager ordered a “ham and cheese sandwich.” She ended up getting “Half a cheese sandwich.”

We had a second birthday party for Bruce. We went to Beppo's. L and his new BF were there. I pigged out. Beppo's serves huge portions. The Tiramisu was very good.

When we went to sing happy birthday, a table near us with about dozen people, got up, stood around our table, and joined in. It really made Bruce Blush.

Chris, the guy Bruce was dating, wasn't there. I got this from Bruce this morning...

"I was really, really pissed at Chris tonight. And when I got to work tonight, I got this really crappy note about not wanting me to hang with him when he's doing his film editing. So I basically said something about understanding he wanting some space and then some other 'p.c.' shit. So it's time to cool it with him. It was getting too much anyway. Thanks for a great time tonight. I'm glad Chris wasn't there. I had a better time with just the three of you"

Embarrassing day. A while back, Master Mark took a racy picture of me. He got me to put it on my chat profile, just for one day, just to see what would happen. I forgot to take it down. Today someone I respect saw the picture. Shit.

---

“The promise of love is hard to ignore.” -Nick Finn

“Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.” – Mary Schmich

Would I leave Seattle if I fell in love with someone somewhere else? When I left Toronto for Seattle, I left many good people behind. It was hard. When I was talking to a friend from Toronto, he said he could never leave Toronto, even for love. Toronto is his home. All his friends are there

On one hand I believe that what I want most is to meet a good husband that I can love and build a life with. On the other hand, my friends are important to me. I know how hard it is to leave and I’m not looking forward to doing it again.

Anyways, right now this is all hypothetical-- maybe not in the future.

I watched L.A. Story again. I’m over identifying with it. L.A. Story is about a man, Harry, who goofs around and amuses himself, but doesn’t have real meaning to his life.

“I was deeply unhappy only I didn’t know it because I was so busy being happy all the time.” -Harry in L.A. Story.

Harry meets a good woman, Sara, and the two start to fall in love. However Harry wrecks things by falling back to his careless ways. Sara catches him having sex with a young bimbo.

I won’t give too much more away, but in the end Harry and Sara do get together and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, the reasons they get back together are far fetched and I can’t hope for the same in my life.

Shit. I’m being misty-eyed and philosophical again.

Fun social, heavy drinking day.

At about 9am this morning, an old friend Paul from Toronto called and said he was in town for the day. He invited me to have lunch with two friends of his from Tacoma. We caught up on old times. He told me some gossip about my ex Bob. Bob (Who is about 45) is now dating a 21yo. Paul said the 21yo was very hot but couldn't put two words together to make a sentance.

It was kind of weird to hear about Bob. I felt a little bad about it. Bob and I lived together during 95&96. Then one day he left me for a hairless little twink. The end was very abrupt. He never came back to our apartment to pick up most of his things. I threw most of them out when I left for Seattle.

Later on, I met up with Bruce and Chris. We went to the Seattle International Autoshow. I'm not really enamored with the cars I saw. Several people mentioned like that it looks like they are designing cars to look like tennis shoes.

After the show, we had a couple of beers at The Central Pub.

Bruce and Chris left to run some errands. I went up to the Cuff and had some and ran into a number of guys that I know. We ended up drinking a lot of beer. Somebody kept buying pitures. I met a few guys I found attractive but they were either partnered, just wanting to play or both.

A few guys made a some cracks about Harry and his last relationship. He's got a bit of a nieve-romantic attitude about things that he often gets run down on.

On the way home, I let out a few frustration screams. I stopped at a drive-through on the way home. When I ordered I was horse.

Bruce, Chris and I went hiking today. We walked through the old train tunnel on Snoqualmie Pass. The tunnel is 2.7 miles long and has no lights. We only had one small flashlight, so we walked most of the way in the dark.

In that kind of darkness, your eyes play tricks on you. The end of the tunnel was so far that it kept looking like it was a small light maybe 30 feet away. The slighest bit of light, reflection off a water drop or a wet rock, gave you the feeling that something was there waiting for you.

Chris is a bit claustrophibic and almost had an anxiety attack. We got him to talk about things-- his school, where he grew up, stuff like that. I felt the creaps too. It was a bit unsettling to know that if someting went wrong and we had to get out, we'd have to run over a mile in the dark before we'd reach the exit.

We made a rule-- no scary stories or talk of horror movies.

Bruce didn't tell us that we would have to go through the tunnel twice. He figured if he did, Chris wouldn't go. But, on the other side there is no above ground trail back. We rested a few minutes, watched a hawk, talked to some cyclists and then walked back.

Chris said he felt much better the second time through.

I've got a bit of a cold so I worked from home today. Mostly I goofed off. I watched L.A. Story. L.A. Story is is sort of happy romance comedy that I watch when I need a pick-me-up. One of the lines is "There is some out there for everyone, even if you need a compass, a pick axe and night goggles to find them." It's refreshing to hear that. All too often I think "Not all stories have happy endings. Most dreams don't come true. And when they don't, the part of you that dreamed will slowly wither and die." Bleah. I'm turning into my father.

I'm not having dinner with Rob. I'm staying home to rest.

Harry called me. He's living with his mother right now. He very busy moving his stuff to storage. When his house closes, he will have to move his stuff again. I asked him if he needed help. He said "Not yet. All the big stuff is in storage". He's working this weekend cause he needs extra money to pay for new appliances for his house.

I've got a small digital camera. I've had it for about a year now. I've been looking at some of the pictures I've taken and I realize that I should carry the camera more often. Some of the photos turned out realy well and bring back good memories. I want more of them.