We won the finals... 6-1 against Team 1072. I got a tripping penalty. Other than that it was a fairly quiet game. We all played our hearts out.

Now don't go thinking I'm some kind of hockey genius. This was an adult organized rec summer legue. But still, it feels good.

Someone has been trying to hack into my computer. I don't think they've succeeded though. My computer has a wake-on-lan feature-- you can turn it on remotly over the connection to the internet. Over the past week or two, i've noticed that sometimes the computer was on even though I thought I turned it off. So, last night I shut down the computer and put a note on the keyboard saying "I turned the computer off." Then, at about 1:30am I heard a beep. I got out of bed and walked to the office, sure enough the computer was powering up. I shut the computer down again and disconnected it from DSL.

I played hockey last night. It was the semi-finals We won 11 to 7. What a great and terrible game. As you can see, defense sucked, but offense rocked. Too bad I'm on defense. Two days ago I pulled a muscle in my neck. Now I can't turn my head to the right. It made for a weird game as D. I played along the right boards so that I would never have to turn my head.

Finals are tonight.

Big company meating today. So, for all intents and purposes, I get the day off.

Worked late today. Afterwards I raced home to work out and eat. Bruce and I got together later on for some beer and to chat. His dating life is frustrating right now. In the past month, he's had dates with a couple of guys that he finds attractive. But both of them are into bare backing. So he's understandably weary.

In the fallBruce is going part time to film school. He's also thinking about joining the public access chanel board of directorsl. Bruce always signs up for a lot. Not only does he work long hours but he volunteers for PSBRC (A disability benefits counseling org), teaches computer skills to Sudanese refugees, films a couple of TV show on cable access, plus in the winter he’s a snowboard instructor. It is kind of frustrating to be his friend because he often doesn’t have time. Even worse is when he no-shows. He has a problem with saying “No” But then, something will happen, schedules will align, and he'll have a week of free nights. When that happens he wants to do things with me almost every night. So I'll go from not hearing from him for weeks to talking to him almost every day.

I went out to the Cuff last night. I talked to a few people but didn't put an effort into meeting anyone. I have to slow down. When you have dinner and drinks with two or three guys a week, it's hard to get to know them; that's not fair to them or me. If I like a guy, I can't think about it because next night I'll have a date with someone else so I have to put the first guy out of my mind.

I met Brian at the Cuff. He's finally clueing in that we are not getting back together. Although, I did spend last night at his place.

I cycled around Redmond today-- along the Puget Sound power trail. While I was cycling up a large hill my chain popped off. I guess my derailer needs to be aligned. It was a pain in the ass. One second I'm peddling hard trying to make it up the hill, the next I grind to a halt, have to unwedge my chain and re-rail it. I lost my momentum and had to walk the rest of the way up the hill. Going down the hill was still good.

I had another date tonight. John, a fireman. He's a nice guy but a bit more Nelly than I'm attracted to. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant on Queen Anne. Then we walked through Seattle Center, past Pike Place Market and back to the restaurant. I'm not sure if I'll have a second date with him. I'll wait to see if he calls. It may be a couple weeks before I have to decide. Being a fireman, he works odd shifts that don’t match up well with a 9-to-5 life like mine.

Having a kind of quiet day. I bought a new pocketknife. It’s very sharp and has an assisted opening feature. I know this because the first time I sat down with the knife I hit the open-up button. The blade sprang out and stabbed me in the thumb. The cut was clean and painless. With a few minutes of pressure the bleeding stopped. I felt stupid; like I needed to go back to the boy scouts and take a knife safety course.

I walked around the Value village thrift store-- lots of crap, some good stuff. The next time I need a spatula, or a pair of tongs, I’ll go there instead of a kitchenware store. Outside of the store I ran into my manager and a friend of hers.

I hooked the computer up to the stereo using the “Akoo Kima” wireless stereo transmitter. At first it acted weird and flaky. The volume the Kima transmitted at depended on the speaker volume. I couldn’t figure out why so I just chaulked it up to bad design. Then I unplugged the speakers from the Kima and noticed that the transmitted volume still depended on the speaker volume. Since that didn’t make sense, I knew I screwed up. I looked around and discovered that I wired the Kima into the computer and speakers in a strange way. Once I corrected the wiring the Kima acted perfectly. Now I can listen to CD quality Internet Radio over my stereo.

I cleaned the inside of the truck today—vacuumed and Armour-All’d. Then I washed the outside and spent some extra time on the windows—washed inside and out, no streaks. The truck looks damn near new. Not bad considering it’s almost 4 years old.

Wow. Reading over this post, I sound like a materialistic shopper. I’m not usually like this. I can go for months buying nothing but groceries. It’s just that recently I needed to buy a few things, so I’ve gone all out and bought a few extra things on my list of “Nice-to-Have.”

I got my George ‘W’ refund cheque today. $300.00. Woo hoo. I’m kind of annoyed that it’s not really free money, but an advance on next years tax refund.

I just heard a short of shocking, weird news story. I'm posting it here so one day when I look back, I'll remember it.

A 6-year-old boy was seriously burned when he climbed into a bucket of chemicals used to make meth-amphetamines. He may need reconstructive surgery. The 16-year-old mother has been charged with various things. She waited more than 14 hours before bringing the boy to the hospital.

Washington seems to be developing a meth-amphetamines problem. Outside of Seattle and the Puget Sound, there are many poor people and a miles of hills and forests. It’s easy to hide a meth lab in the mountains. Then within a couple hours drive you’ve got the big market of Seattle.

I got another mention on Tommy's website. Tommy and I have been emailing each other. He's kind of cute. Maybe I'll go visit him in the fall. I'd like my life to settle down first.

This morning, Bruce, M and I had breakfast at Van's Kitchen. Bruce has been taking film courses and is involved with the production of a couple of cable access shows. Now he wants to make porn. He's convinced he can make a good living at it. M and I just sort of shook our heads and made a token effort to talk him out of it.

M gave me a watch. It's a meaningless gift. Over breakfast I mentioned that my watch died and I needed a new one. M said. "Hey I found this watch. I've got it in my car. I've been hoping someone would steal it, but no one has. Want it?" So I said yes. It's an O.K. watch. A Fossil. A little bit dressier than I usually wear. But hey-- free watch.

I cycled to and from Van's Kitchen. I've been kind of hyper lately-- my legs have been twitchy. So, bicycling took the edge off. I also worked out this morning.

Tonight my date was with Walter. It went ok, although I'm not going to ask Walter out a second time. Walter is a tester for a Computer firm. He's also a land lord. Occasionally he buys a building, renovates and then resells it. It was kind of weird Walter lives down in Tacoma. That's where Harry lives. Every time he mentioned the area, I'd think of Harry. I guess I know who's caught my fancy

Afterwards I went to the Cuff and talked to a few people. Two drinking buddies that have been a couple for years, Joe&Chris, have split up. I didn't poke for details, but Joes said Chris attacked him with a knife.

As I was leaving I ran into Bruce. He sort of made a joke about not returning any of my calls. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow morning at 9am at Van's

Tonight I went though my address book and deleted addresses I no longer needed. It was kind of a weird trip down memory lane. My address book contains phone numbers for restaurants that are now closed, co-works who moved away, and busness contacts I haven't used in years. There were a few addresses I kept, not because I would ever call those people, but because I just wanted to remember them again at some point in the future.

Tonight I had a second date with Collin. I like him. He's an good man. We had dinner along Alki Point, took a walk a long the beach and necked a bit in the dark. I want to see him again, but he'll be visting family out of town for a week.

Just because I can't be happy with a good thing I have two more dates lined up. After Harry told me not to wait for him I went all out. Friday night I'm having dinner with a guy that responded to my personal ad. Sunday night I'm having dinner with a fireman that I've been chatting with on and off for months.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy things with Collin. He's either bi, or just coming out of the closet. He said that all of his significant relationships have been with women. He also mentioned that the types of women he prefers are very different than the types of guys he likes. With women he likes smaller ditzy blondes. With guys he likes bigger and rugged.

I hope I don't have to choose between Collin and Harry, but it won't be that simple.

Didn't do much last night. I worked out, read a bit, showered and then went to sleep.

Work’s still a bit full. A few strange things have popped up in my software. I can't tell if it's people doing things wrong, or if there is a real bug. It's making me re-evaluate how my software is deployed.

Harry called me up. He mentioned that there was an unfinished toilet in their house, its been that way since Harry moved in. The shipping stickers were still on it, the bolts fastening it to the floor weren't trimmed and the tank was loosely attached. Harry said he finished off the toilet for the BF but was annoyed that the BF never made any move to do so. It sounds like the BF doesn't really pay attention to his surroundings. He's a real computer nerd; he only focuses on computers. So things like unfinished floors or toilets don't bother him at all. Harry is getting tired of doing most of the work on the house. I told Harry that he had to find common ground with the BF and get him to do more of the house work.

He still sounds frustrated but it's the kind of thing they could work out if they want to.

I talked to Harry today. He said he gave his BF the "This relationship isn't really working for me" talk. The BF still wants very much to be with Harry, so he's working hard to change. Harry is waiting to see if the changes stick.

It just occured to me that Harry may not want to date me if he and his BF break up. He did say he would probably date me if he were single. But he also told me not to wait for him.

Fuck. Harry is the first man I've felt anything good for in years. Why can't this just be simple?

How do straight people do this? A gay friend of a friend, upon turning 30, said "If I was straight, I'd be married already." and I understand what he meant. The majority of my straight friends are in functioning long term relationships. I can't tell if they are madly in love with each other, but I can see that they care for, and respect each other. What is it about being gay that makes it so hard to meet a good man and even harder to have a long term relationship?

Not much happened on Monday. Had a few problems cropped up at work. They were prioritized and dealt with efficiently and effectively. Blah, blah, blah.

Had dinner and slept over at Brian's. He's really going out for blood in his wrongful dismissal suit. His old company doesn't want him back. They've offered to settle, but he won't take it. He wants to be hired back. Once he's back, his plan is to wreak havoc. I really don't like being around him while he's plotting his revenge.

Played hockey tonight. We won 5-3. One of our defense, the guy who repeats things, crapped out on us tonight. He arrived early but kept talking to his girlfriend. He didn't start to change until the game started, so he missed the first 10 minutes. Then, even there were only 3 D tonight, he played extra long shifts. He wouldn't get off the ice. He got tired and his playing suffered for it.

Maybe he was trying to show off to his girlfriend. Whatever it was, we mentioned it to him later on. He apologizied.

M, showed up to scope out one of the woman who plays on my team-- to see if she would be interested in dating a friend of his. But, the woman didn't show up tonight. As soon as I told M that, he took off.

I got some email about my previous post. I'm ok.

So Sean came over this afternoon. I called him this morning and left a message. He called back and asked me if I had any plans this afternoon. After I said no, he set up the scene. I was to leave my door unlocked, strip naked, and lay spread eagle on the bed, face in the pillow…

Much happened. It was kind of fun. I get the feeling that he whips guys who want to be whipped, and not because he wants to rape. This lead to some weird discussions. “What do you want now? Should I whip your ass? Should I torture your balls?” “Uhh, neither please.” “Ok, how about you just give me a BJ.”

On one side, Sean is much more touchy and snuggly than master Mark. On the other side, he gives a more painful beating. We napped afterwards and talked for a while. He’s a student getting a PHD in theology. His father is a priest. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m doing the sex slave thing. I didn’t really go looking for it. Master Mark wanted me and I found him attractive. At the time I was hoping for something normal. Mark wanted a sex slave. So, mostly for kicks, I went along with it.

Today was my fourth beating. These aren’t gentle beatings. My back, rear and penis are bruised. The beatings hit some button in me. I’m not sure what. I don’t really enjoy them. They are not pleasurable. But, I still go through with it and kind of look forward to it. Is it the idea of being wanted by a powerful man? Do I just like the attention? Am I tired of being in complete control all the time and want to give in to someone else? There have to be better ways of satisfying these desires than having the crap beaten out of me.

Last night at the bear party, M mentioned that a lot of guys have rape fantasies.

Bah. I wrote up a nice entry, but after I clicked "Post & Publish" I ran into net problems, and the post vanished into the either.

Yesterday morning I kayaked around the Arboretum on Lake Washington. I was surprised how natural it is-- the Arboretum is next a major Freeway and in the middle of the city. There was much wild life, streams and inlets to explore. I kayaked out to the middle of the lake, but every time a big boat went by, the wake would really rock the kayak. In a kayak you are floating right at the suface of the water, so if the surface starts waving up and down, even a foot or two, you're really feel it. You have to stay in control otherwise you'll roll.

In the afternoon I got ambitious, so I washed, waxed and Armor All'd the truck. It looks real pretty now.

In the evening I went to a bear party. Two guys I only kind of know invited hundreds of people to their house. I wasn't going to go, but M said he was, so I joined him. When we got there, neither of us really knew anyone. I recognized a few guys, but no one that I had talked to before. At about 11:30 orgies started breaking out. Now, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem with public sex, but I do. When I have sex with someone, it's just between him and me, in private.

So, I looked at the proceedings for a few minutes, finished my beer, and then left.

Well, Master Mark emailed me. I was to show up to his place at 5pm on Friday. This is part of the email "park anywhere, then go around the side of the house and into the back yard. The back door will be open. Enter, and go down the stairs. Strip naked. Kneel down in front of the weight bench, facing it, legs spread wide and hands on your head in surrender. You'd better have an erection. Reply with any questions. SIR."

Well, I did so. I was hooded and shackled. Mark worked on me for a while and then a friend, Sean, showed up. They worked on my together. Although later Sean told me that he was there the whole time. They took turns and kept quiet to make me think it was just Mark.

After it was all over, we went and watched TV. It was kind of weird. I'm not clicking with Mark in a freindly way so the conversation is always stilted. I think Sean really liked me. Afterwards he was back rubbing me. We also lip kissed when Mark wasn't looking. He's already emailed me thanking me and hoping we can talk again.

I'm fairly bruised right now. I play hockey on Sunday. I hope no one noticies.

After I left, I went downtown. Had dinner. Had a beer. Drove home. I'm too tired to to stay out tonight.

I had a weird nightmare last night. This one would raise Freud's eyebrows...

I was butchering a calf. I stuck a knife in its heart and then twisted the knife. I then sliced open most of the calf to get at the meat. Then, the calf jumped up and started limping around-- I hadn't killed it properly. It was in much pain. I wanted to quickly put it out of it's misery but when I looked for the heart to stab it again, the chest went empty. I couldn't figure out where the heart was or how to kill it. I felt bad.

That's when I wolk up. Maybe it wasn't a nighmare. It was more of a guilt-mare.

I had two dates yesterday. At 6:30pm, I met Collin for dinner and drinks. Now, Collin is just comming out of the closet but he's had a crush on me for years. I play on a half gay, half straight hockey team. Colin played in the same league as I. So he knew I was probably gay. He wanted to ask me out for the longest time, but always chickened out. When he read my one-line personals-ad, he figured out it was me. So he replied and asked me out.

A couple years ago, I received an anonymous email saying "Is this the Barry Cohen that plays for such-and-such hockey team?" I replied back. "Maybe? Who is asking?" I never got a response. Well, over dinner, he told me that he wrote that email.

He seems to be a nice guy. I hope I don't end up being stalked.

at 9pm, I met a lawyer, Tom, for drinks. He's a nice guy, but an old 48. I would probably date some one that age, but they'd have to take care of themselves. I'll try and stay in touch cause he seams like an interesting person, but it's not going to go anywhere.

It's kind of weird. I would probably chase Colin a bit more if it wasn't for Harry. I don't know how to manage that. If Harry and I start seeing each other, I don't want to wonder what would have happened if I had a couple more dates with Colin. Vice versa, if I start dating Colin, and it Harry becomes single...

bah. My crotch still rules my brain.

Oh yeah. Master Mark called. He wants me to be free tonight. He's trying to set up a rape scene. It sounds like he and another man are going to going to capture me, beat me, rape me.

Do I need a therapy?

I called Harry today. I left a message saying that we won last nights game. Yesterday I predicted that I we would lose.He told me not to think like that 'cause we would win.

Well, Harry called me up today while he was stuck in traffic. After talking about hockey and house maintenance, Harry asked me if it could ever work out between us. I told him I'd give 100% to it. At about that point Harry changed the subject-- he was driving by a house fire so we started talking about that.

Played hockey tonight. We won 8-4. I got an interferance penalty.

I was expecting to lose the game. The last time we played this team we won 5-4. That was with a good goalie. Since that game our old goalie moved away and our new goalie is very green. Defensivly our strategy was to not trust our goalie and to force the plays to the boards. It also helped that they didn't have 2 full lines, while we had 3. By the second period they were tired.

One of our players has a habit of repeating things over and over-- "Here you go team, here you go.", "Good play there John, Good Play", "Way to block D, Way to Block." I never noticed it before but since Ryan pointed out, I notice it all the time. Now it's getting on my nerves. Ryan and Kam have started paroting him.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He called me. Harry and his BF had another small fight. The BF called Harry at work and asked Harry to vacuum the house when Harry got home. Harry mentioned that their house has torn up floors and hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. So, when Harry got home he did vacuum. When the BF arrived, Harry snapped that he wasn't a bitch and thold the BF to never call him at work to ask him for shit like that again.

After that we reminisced about old times and how fun it was to do things together. We talked about how I never cleaned my house. I asked him how to clean my bathtub drain. It's getting clogged up again. Later I told Harry about a few things I'm doing in the near future-- going to the Ellensburg Rodeo, playing hockey. Harry said that he missed going out and having fun. Harry wanted to go to the Rodeo, but his BF said they are too cruel to animals.

I want to be with Harry so badly. It's just getting worse now that I can see the end of things between Harry and his BF. Last year Harry's goofy sense of humor and laugh used to annoy me. Now it makes me smile.

My friend Kama and his mother dropped by today. Kama lives in Toronto, but is visiting Vancouver. He and his mother decided to drive down to Seattle for the day. I gave them the tour of where I work. I brought them to the museum and the company store. Afterwards we went out for lunch. He showed me pictures of his trip to Iran. There were many beautiful buildings. It looks like the women are only covered in public. In private they take the shawls off.

Last night, I had dinner with and slept over at Brian's. Some one stole his mail. He lost about 5 cheques. Sunday evening, he put some bill payments in his mailbox. Monday morning he noticed they were gone. He managed to put a stop payment on the cheques before there was a withdrawl on his account. Monday evening someone called him and said they found his mail in the bushes off of Auroa Ave and 132nd. They left the mail at a gym near there. When Brian picked up the letters they were slit open and the enclosed cheques removed. The bank told him that because he had issued a stop payment so quicky, they would cover any losses should one of the cheques have already gone through. He's pissed off now and no longer trusts his mailbox.

After we picked up the envelopes we had dinner at a nearby Koren BBQ. It helped him relax a bit. The BBQ had grills right at the table. So, it was a sort of novel way to eat dinner.

I talked to Harry today. Last weekened, he had a fight with his BF. Harry is a social butterfly. The BF is very stay at home and doesn't like Harry talking to anyone. They were at a party last weekend. Harry was talking to someone. The BF gave harry some dirty looks and things escalated from there.

Harry mentioned that in the BF's last relationship, it was open.

Now I'm going to dwell on Harry a lot. Part of me hopes that the BF and Harry will breakup. If that's the case I'll have a shot at dating Harry. On the flip side, if anyone would give 100% to a relationship and work things out, it's Harry. It sounds like he really loves the BF. So, Harry willl see things through the bad times.

At work, I got a promotion, a 15% raise and a 7.5% bonus. We had a fire alarm in the middle of my review, so we walked out side and my manager gave me the good news in the sun.

Today is a good day.

Sunday afternoon, I cycled around Redmond. I found the Mac&Jack Brewery. It's a small place in the middle of a business park. It was hard to spot-- two things drew my attention to it. One was the barley bin outside of the brewery. The second was the smell. It must be a pain to work right next to the brewery.

I had a second date last night. This was a guy I met for coffee a few weeks ago. We had dinner at the Satellite Lounge. It was ok. I don't think I'm going to hit him up for a 3rd date.

After the date I went to the Cuff and had a couple of beers. Brian was there and we talked a while. I took a tour around. Said 'hi' to a few people, and then left.

All in all, a boring day.

Brian has become cell-phone man Here's photo evidence. One cell is his personal phone, the other is for work. He was listening to his personal voice mail when work called.

Brian and I got together and went go-karting up at Monroe. It was fun but expensive. $15 for 15 minutes. Brian isn't an agressive driver. I lapped him 3 times.

Afterwards we went to the Juanita Bay Bar and Grill, had a piture of bear and some nachos. Went back to his place, and then slept.

This morning I had breakfast with Bruce.

Later, I drove out to Leavenworth. I'm hoping to buy a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. It looks like that's a tall order. I saw about half a dozen different places. A couple of them were nice, but really close to neighbors. It was scoarching hot today. Especially at Leavenworth. I'm glad I was in AC most of the time.

On my way back from Leavenworth, I hiked around Deception Falls. It's a small hike. The falls are nice.

My friend Jon is in from Toronto. We might have lunch tomorrow.

Brian called and wants to talk to me about something.

At work we bagged the day. We had an early lunch. Then one of the guys has a boat. We took it out on the lake. We toured around and swam a bit. In fact we swam just off shore from Bill G's house. I've never seen Bill G's house before; it's not that impressive. Yeah, it's big but it looks to too utilitarian. I was hoping it had more gutsy architecture.

I had dinner with M. Bruce and another guy were both supposed to show up, but they didn't. Bruce is very bad at breaking commitments.

Later I went out to the Cuff. I ran into both Bruce and Brian.

Brian's wrongful dismissal suit was in arbitration today. He won't know for a couple of months if he wins, but it sounds like it went well.

Bruce is wearing the kilt today. Now there are 4 guys at the Cuff who regularly wear kilts. It bugs me. It looks real faggy. And it's not like they are wearing it because they are Scottish (or Irish) I guarantee you that if you go to almost any Irish or Scottish pub, that no one there will be wearing a kilt.

I spent last night with Brian; his court case is today and he is really stressing out. It looks like he's going to win, however Brian has a big temper, so his former employer will try hard to provoke him to show that he's not a good man, and that firing him may have been justified.

Yesterday I had lunch with Ryan. We went to Burgermaster again. He's stressing-out about work. He works for a video game company, and it sounds like he's the only one with a modern education in computer graphics, so if he makes a simple suggestions, he astounds his coworkers with his brilliance. Net result is that the people are looking up to him much more than he's used to.

A while back I installed BearShare. BearShare is a kind of napster replacement that lets you share files on your computer. I've been leaving it running almost constantly just to see what people upload off of my system. Well, the most popular songs to offload from my hard drive are "Corey Hart, Never Surrender" and *Depech Mode - Policy Of Truth" 80's retro lives on.

Then, I downloaded some gay porn. The gay porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the music.

Then I downloaded some straight porn. The straight porn is uploaded 10 times as often as the gay porn.

I'm tempted to create a file name that sounds like kiddy porn just to see what happens.

Vive la Internet.

I got together with Mark (Master Mark?) again last night. It was weird. We met at the Eagle and we had more than a few beers. He started doing the master/slave thing there. He collared me there, got me to take off my shirt and flex for him, and put me in handcuffs. It was half exciting, half weird. No one I knew was there, which was good because I definatly didn't want to be known.

The bartender said I looked good in the collar and congratulated me for being owned.

I spent the night at Mark's place. Not sure if I want to do that again. He wants to arange a 3-some, which is not something I like to do.

Marks place isn't what you expect. It doesn't look like a guys place. I'm not sure of the details; it sounds like his mother used to live with him but she died a few months ago.

When I checked my messages the next morning, Brian had called a couple of times and was wondering where I was.

I was over at Brian's last night. We got into a huge shouting match. He was venting about the Seattle traffic problems and how Microsoft has made it worse and he wouldn't stop. I got tired of listening to him after a while so I tried to shut him up. That didn't work. No matter what I tried to calm him down, he would get more and more agitated. Then my voice started to raise. Brian responded in kind. Finally, he just blew up. His face turned beet red and he kept shouting a long stream of curses and complaints. It was only after I started to leave that he calmed down.

Later on, he apologized for getting angry at me for something I have no control over.

The Code Red virus and it's varients have hit work. Some of my co-workers have had to rebuild their machines. I applied the patch a long time ago and haven't been hit.

Mark, the guy who wants to make me his sex slave, has contacted me again. He wants to get together this weekend. I'm half and half on this. He really wants to parade me around in public. I am not ready for that.

I just got off the phone with Harry. He's not totally happy with his new BF. Not that he his not in love or that their relationship is on the rocks. It's really just a personality difference. Harry is much more social than the BF. Harry likes to get out and do things-- hike, visit people, stuff like that. The BF is a real homebody. Harry said that he misses going out.

So, to win Harry back fairly, I have to be interesting. I have to live a good, fun life. This sounds like a plan I can stick with.

One of my work computers is dieing. Occasionally it will make a noise like a circular saw. I guess one of the hard drive bearings is going.

I bicycled a bit on Sunday afternoon. They've put a few new bike paths in Redmond, so I followed them around to see where they go. It's not really exciting. Mostly the weave behind strip malls and go no where usefull to me.

I worked out after cycling. Unless my shoulder kicks up again, I'm going to resume working out 3 or 4 times a week.

Brian wanted me to come over to his place. I said no and told him I wanted to go to the Cuff. Brian said he didn't feel like going out.

I went downtown to the Cuff. Who should be there but Brian. Bruce was also there, wearing his Utilikilt. We talked a bit. Brian and Bruce had been talking for a while. Brian said Bruce was a big hoot. Brian got a big laugh off of the kilt.

I circulated and talked to a few people that I only see at the Bars. I spotted a cute guy that I wanted to talk to, but he was occupied by friends. One of them may have been his BF.

Brian's friend Steve showed up at about 10pm. I told Steve that we had to get Brian another boyfriend. Steve looked at me like he didn't realize that Brian and I weren't really seeing each other.

Brian wanted me to come over Monday night, but I said no.

Friday, I worked out, and went to the Cuff. I ran into Bruce there. He was wearing a Utilikilt He thinks it's butch. I just shook my head. I also ran into Alan, and his partner Jake. I haven't seen them in a long time. Alan, Bruce and I all work for the same company. I haven't seen Alan in over a year.

Brian was also there. He invited me over to his place Saturday night, but I put him off saying that I had some friends to visit.

Satuday, I didn't do much during the day. At the evening, Frank (The guy with the car fetish) came over for dinner. It was fun. We had food. We had sex. We were in the middle of watching a movie when Brian called.

Brian was royally pissed-off when I told him I was having a date. We fought a little on the phone. Then I told him I had guest, and I had to go. Brian said that if I didn't go to his place, that he'd come over to mine.

Well. I guess I'm weak. I told Frank that a friend of mine needed to talk and have a drink, and asked Frank to leave. He was nice about it, and did so.

I drove over to Brian's. We fought on and off for about 2 hours. Brian wants a boyfriend so bad. He's very much in love with me. But I don't feel for him at all. I told him that we shouldn't sleep together, that it's slowing both of us down. Brian said he needs my support right now, cause he's going through a lot.

Brian and I ended up sleeping together. The next morning he made me breakfast and we watched the Blue Angels on TV. He wants me to come over tonight, but I told him no. I need to tell him that more often.

Well, I slept over at Brians last night. He's going through a lot of stress right now. The law suit against his former employer for wrongfull dismissal is next week. It looks like he's going to win, but it will be a slugfest.

Darren emailed and wants to get together again. I wrote back thanking him and said I wanted to see him again too.

Saturday, I've got another date with the car fetish guy.

I also met a lawyer online that I want to have a drink with.

Yes, I am a desperate jerk. I really want to meet a good man, and the bars just don't seem to work. So, I've turned into an internet slut.

A while back I placed online personals ads on a couple of systems. I've only had one reply back, from a woman, so I double checked that I placed the ads in the M4M sections. The woman only wrote "you are special." I replied to her "Thank You." She wrote back with "u r welcome"

I did have a date to night with another guy, Darren. It was good. I can't tell how attracted he was to me. He seems to be on the rebound from his last relationship. I'll write him and thank him for dinner, and see if there is more interest.

Brian wants me to come over tonight.

4

Kewl. I just paid to make my blog free of ads. It looks weird now. I subconciosly expect every web page to have a banner at the top. Maybe I'll find something, to fill the void.

Harry phoned today. A friend of a friend was looking for a job at Harry's company. Harry told me that his company has a hiring freeze on right now.

Afterwards we talked about our relationship and why it didn't work out. He said that if we tried again, it wouldn't work again. I told him no, that wasn't true. I also said that I loved him. He thanked me for saying so. I wished he and Chris (His new boyfriend) a good life.

I had a date last night. It was ok. I don't know if I'll fall in love with the guy but he's definatly in the right ball park. He's got a car fetish. He owns 10 cars, mostly weird european shit like Fiat, or Lada.

It felt good to be with a normal, non queeny, non violent man.

My parents are still here. They're just taking it easy and touring around. They are having a small problem with the trailer. The trailer battery is loosing it's charge after a day.

No, my parents aren't sleeping in the trailer. They are sleeping in my spare bedroom on a good bed.