Andy wrote me. He just got back from New Orleans. Sounds like he had a blast there. Both nights, he had sex with strippers in bar storage rooms.

My weekend was much less sexy. Saturday I had two dates. There were just "let's have lunch, and get to know each other better" dates. No sex in either case. I met one guy through softball, the other through the internet. I already wrote about the lunch with the Softball guy. The other guy, Garry, is a late bloomer. He's 32yo, and has worked as a checkout clerk at safeway since he graduated from highschool. He doesn't do much of anything, but it sounds like he's starting to try and develop a life. He said that in the last year, he's lost 75lbs.

Sunday, softball was rained out. I rented a kayak, and went kayaking on Lake Washington. They are really tippy. It doesn't help that I'm 6'6''.

Sunday evening, I went to the Cuff beer bust, and met an extreamly perceptive man, Mark. Bruce, Brian, Mark and I were talking. Mark ended up cold-calling the state of Bruce&F's relationship with frightening accuracy.

Later on, I tried to give Mark my number, but he loudly refused. When I left the, he followed me out. He told me that he really wanted to accept my number, but that he was afraid of Brian. He said he saw two things in Brian. One was that Brian was violent. The other was that Brian looked at me like he was begging me to love him.

Mark and I ended up going to CC's eating and talking a bit. He's a big worry wart. He made sure I stopped drinking alcohol before I drove home. He was concerned that I didn't park right next to the Cuff (I parked 2 blocks away) so, he insisted on driving me to my truck. Then, when I got home, called to make sure that I was safe.

He lives in Bainbridge, and has two sons. I think the big city (If you can call Seattle a big city) scares him a bit.

He called again at 7am in the morning, just to say hi. I almost called him Brian, because their voices are kind of the same. I hope he doesn't start obsessing over me. On the other hand, I kind of like him. We'll see.

Didn't do much Wednesday Evening.

Thursday, I went out with the guys for work. We had beer and dinner at Red Robin. Bruce called me up later, and said he was downtown at CC's. So, at about 8pm, I met up with him there. He said he got in to a fight with F.

Brian was at CC's. We talked for a while. He unsulted Bruce a bit, so I got ticked off with him. He clued in, and apologized.

Later on Bruce and I went to the Cuff. We ran into Biff. Biff is very attractive, infact he is one of the few guys that both Andy and I are attracted too, but Biff never talked either of us very much. But, Biff was interested in Bruce, and he gave Bruce his email address. As we were leaving, I asked Biff if he was the dating type. He paused a minute, so I said, "no, you don't have to answer" He sort of hugged me, and whispered into my ear that he was already seeing someone.

On my way Bruce called me up and said "How the hell can I let Biff go" Apparently, a long time ago, Biff gave Bruce his phone number, but Bruce had work visa problems, and had to leave the U.S. for a few months.

Now Bruce's faith in his relationship with F is being tested.

Friday, Ryan and I had lunch.

Friday evening, Bruce and I played pool at the Workshop. I left early for Softball practice. After the practice, our sponser bar, kept bringing us free pitchers of beer. After beer, the team went out for pizza, but I took off. They're too twinky. They're ok guys, but I don't want them to be my social life.

Later on, I went to the Seawolf and met a nice guy, Bill. He was fairly drunk. Bill looks a lot like Harry, so I kept thinking about Harry. That bugs me. I need to forget about Harry. It's slowing me down. I'm not sure about Bill. He manages some kind of shoe distribution company. Selling and promoting shoes was almost the only thing he talked about.

Saturday morning, I had a lunch date with a guy from my softball league. It was ok. I might have dinner with him again, but he's not the kind of guy that get's me excited.

I've started playing black and white. I keep getting lost. It's well done, but failrly hard to play.

Thursday Bruce and I went out for Drinks and Pool at the Workshop. Bruce wants to start a moving busness, just so that he can say he does something blue coller. We both want to be normal straight acting guys, but eyebrow's always go up when we say we're software design engineers.

Friday afterwork, Bruce and I played pool at the Workshop. There were a few cute guys there. I wish the more straight acting guys would go to gay bars. Later, I left for softball practice. After practice, the team went to Changes. I had one beer and a small plate of fries that cost $2.50. I guess they only serve food to get the liquor license. Afterwards I left for the Cuff. I had a bottle of water, and then went home. It was bear weekend, so there were lots of guys up from Portland.

Saturday, Bruce and I worked at positive solutions all day. We reinstalled some of their servers, and tried to install a firewall/proxy server. The firewall didn't work out, so we had to back off. In the evening, we had dinner with F and a friend of F's at Siam. Then F went out for a movie, and Bruce went home. I went out for a drink at the Cuff. I ran into Brian there. He's out of jail now. He was pissed off that I never called him while he was away. I told him that I didn't know what else to do, and that I didn't want him to think about me.

We talked a while. He's going through a hard time right now. He couldn't work the proper hours while he was in jail, so he lost his job. He's fighting that right now. Things might be good. 3 law firms have called him up, asking to represent him. Currently, he's working at a Target. He lucked out and got a managment position.

Brian told me that his bunkmate in jail was very fat, and smelt bad. One day, they were running dogs through the prison, sniffing for drugs. When the dog's sniffed bunkmate's locker, they ran out of the cell.

He also said that he met many people that he doesn't want to have anything to do with. He was first supposed to go to a white-collar prison, but due to his job hours, they tranferred him to a prison for long-term offenders who were being re-integrated into society. He told me that he met a guy who is in his 40's, but just got his first paycheck ever.

Aparently they hated him in the prision. There were also rumours that he was an undercover cop. I can see why the guys would hate Brian. He's a real go-getter, who loves money. Brian doesn't have a lot of time for anyone who is poor, and is not working hard.

He only gave his phone number to three people. One of those three people is already dead; drug overdose in a hotel room.

Brian spent the night at my place. The next morning, we went out and had breakfast with F and Bruce. F mentioned that Brian looks a lot like Harry. I guess I've got a type.

Sunday afternoon was softball. We won both of our games. The first game was a cake walk. I felt bad for the other team, and started chearing for them. The second game was a bit more challenging. Their defense wasn't strong either.

Sunday evening, I went out the Cuff again. I ran into Steven. We talked a while, and told me that he'd like to stay friends, even if we didn't date. I agreed. I'm going to try and work him into my life.

Monday, back to work. Worked out Monday night.

Tuesday night, I had dinner with Andy at Elliot's Oyster House. I was a half an hour late. The traffic on the way down was killer. It was good to see him again. We talked and argued all night. I miss him. He said the same of me. Not romantically; like a good friend. In L.A. most of Andy's friends either work for him, or for his competition, so he can only act business casual around them.

After Elliot's, we went to 611 Supreme for dessert, and then the Manray for a drink.

He spent the night at my place, in the spare bedroom.

Next morning, we went to the Brown Bag Cafe for breakfast.

Work was a quiet.

I went to an orgy, after work. I met the guys on line. A few of them were married. Once am month, they rent a hotel room and have sex there. I think there were 8 guys there, including me.

Man am I desperate. I want to connect with someone so badly. I want to feel something good so badly.

Don't think very much happend on Thursday.

Friday, I went out and did a tour-de-bar. Had a few pitchers of bear with Bruce at the Workshop. Had dinner, went downtown by my self, and went to C.C's, the Seawolf, R-Place, and the Eagle. I only drank water when I was downtown. The Eagle is now charging a $2 cover, and it is keeping some of the riff-raff out. When I left, this guy was hanging around the door, trying to sell a pack of cigarettes for $2.00

Saturday was the first day of softball. We won our morning game 16 to 8. We lost our afternoon game, 15-13. It's very D level. It's fun though. ]

In the evening, I went to Ryan and Jen's for a Fry party. Brent brought over a turkey fryer, and they battered and fried many things. hot dogs, onion rings, vegetables, whatever. Later on we watched Iron Chef: eggplant battle. When I was leaving, I backed the truck over a small ledge by the side of their driveway. Thankfully, the drop wasn't too far, and Brent managed to pull me out.

Sunday morning, I had breakfast with Bruce and F. Bruce and Caz got into some kind of arguement over P.S. and they aren't talking now. Bruce has sleep apnea, and hasn't been sleeping well lately. He's getting a machine that will help him, but till then, he's acting cranky, and tired.

After breakfast, I went hiking up Tiger Mountain.

Went downtown the the Cuff Sunday evening. Had some beer. Ran into Caz. I think he still wants to work with Bruce at P.S,

Monday, I met a guy on the internet who lives in a condo near me. We went out for a beer. He's a Foreign student from Brazil. He was nice, but nothing happend, and probably ever will.

Tuesday morning I went to the dentist. Because I grind my teath, she's getting me a tooth gard that I can wear while sleeping. I've got a small cavity too.

I'm having dinner with Andy tonight, he's in Seattle on business.

I talked to Harry again. I told him that I was scared when I dated him. That I had knots in my stomach when i wasn't with him. We talked about it for a while. I think he's happy with Chris. I've got to give this up.

We also talked about fishing and kayaking and stuff like that.

Harry's home phone is now disconnected. He really is moving in with Chris.

Right now I never want to call him again; for my own good.

I have to get over this. I want a good relationship. I've got to be a better person.

My fantasies about Harry are evolving. At first I was thinking about confessing every thing to him. Now I'm having cocky daydeams where I steal him from his new boyfriend. It feels better.

I nave a bit of a cold. I'm getting over it quickly.

Had lunch with Bruce yesterday. He and F fought over Bruce and I going out for drinks last thursday. We've decided that in the future, we are only going to go to straight bars. It probably won't make a difference.

Got my hair cut too. A flat top. I haven't had it this short in a while. At first I didn't like it, but now it's growing on me.

I'm in a downer mood again. I've keep mulling over my relationships, all failed. I'm lonely now. Right now, the closest thing I have to friends are Bruce and F. I don't really like F, and Bruce has hinted that he still wants to date me if he and F split. Not something I want.

I want to care for and love someone. But that could take a long time.

I think that every week, I have to do one or two interesting different things. That way I don't get into a rut.

Saturday, I didn't do much. I bought some new jeans, and a new jacket. Went out Saturday night.

Sunday morning, I had brunch with Bruce and F. In the afternoon, we went snowboard shopping. I got a 173cm Canyon Burton plus boots and bindings. We also went to Ikea.

I got home, put the bindings on the board had some dinner, and then went to Sunday night beer bust. I compeltly forgot about my Sunday afternoon softball practice.

I'm still feeling crappy over Harry. The next guy I develop feelings for is not getting away.

My answering machine died. I think I've got a dentist appointment Tuesday morning, but I can't find the reminder card.

Work is going ok. Things are winding down.

Friday night we had solftball practice in hail and rain. I was cold and soaked by the end.

Afterwards, I met a guy who responded to my ad. It went ok, but I'm not really intersted in him.

Went to the Cuff for a drink. It was quiet.

Went home, went to bed early. Had a good nights sleep for the first time in a couple of weeks.

Went downtown to Postive solutions. Bruce, Caz and I did a little bit of work. Mostly it was bickering about the UI details for a DB app Bruce is writing. I showed them some of the finer points on how to administrate Exchange and use Outlook.

Later on Caz and I went to CC's and had dinner. Caz left and Bruce showed up. We drank a lot. I think it was 3 vodka and crans each. We bitched to each other about life in general. He told me that he's not really sure he loves F. I laughed at him; he certainly doesn't act that way.

As part of signing up for DSL, I got a free web cam. After I got home, I put the cam to good use. I JO'd with some guy from Kentucy.

I've taken out a personals add as well. I'm starting to get replies.

Yeah, he's cute, but not enough. He's very queeny.

We still had sex though.

On my way back from his place, I was mulling over Harry again. Why can't I get him out of my brain? I ended it with Harry twice. I cheated on Harry twice. I enjoyed, and did not feel guilty for, cheating on Harry twice.

Am I a Jerk or what?

A couple more hours, and I'll be on a date with Andrew. I hope it works out. I've got mixed feelings for this. I think he's cute. But, .

We won at hockey. 6-5. It started off very sloppy. We were missing passes, and couldn't clear it out of our zone. During the second period it picked up.

It's amazing how daylight savings time changes everything. It's now almost 6pm, and it's still very light out. Oh the joy of living in Seattle.

Ok, so Andrew and I have a date Wednesday night. It's at Vince's in Fed Way.

Harry has gone overboard. He's already put his house up for sale, and moved into Chris's place. I hope he'll be ok. They've known each other for less than 2 weeks.

Hockey tonight. Last game of the season.

I was supposed t go up to Vancouver for a tournament on April13-15. However so many guys dropped out that we couldn't field a team. Plus, that weekend was the opening day for Softball. So, I dropped out too.

Andrew, the really cute guy that I met online, called my cell this morning. I only saw the call display number. I called back, and left a message. I'm setting him up so big in my brain, that no matter who he is, he'll dissapoint me. At least it get's my mind off of Harry.

Yes! I just got email from him. I am posting and publishing now...

My heart is sooo fickle.

Saturday morning I had sex with some guy I met on line.

I also got a reply from a really cute guy who put a personals add online. As of Sunday night, he hasn't replied to reply, or called me.

Saturday evening I went downtown and had dinner with Bruce and F at the Satelite Lounge.Later, Bruce and F went home, I went to the Cuff. I ran into Steven. We agreed that nothing was happening between us. Although the next day, he jokingling sent me an email saying that I dumped him.

Sunday morning, I had Lunch with Bruce and F at the Shanty Cafe. Later we went snowboard shopping. Bruce and I went over to Postive Solutions. I think Caz was playing around with the system in the morning, it was really screwed up.

Sunday afternoon, I worked out. Went downtown again for dinner and drinks at the Cuff.

bah.