Tuesday, we received the keys to our new house! This weekend, we hired movers to handle the heavy lifting. Meanwhile, my husband and I are shuttling back and forth, bringing over essentials, tricky-to-pack items, and lightweight belongings. Currently my vehicle is full of pillows and cushions.

As we get acquainted with our new abode, we’re discovering its unique features and charming quirks. Fortunately, nothing major has cropped up—except for a corner of the house that’s been invaded by ants. Time to call in the pest control experts!

Our new house follows a different philosophy of living compared to the old one. Although it’s roughly the same size, it offers less storage space but compensates with more living and presentation areas. The layout feels more spacious, yet when it comes to stashing things away, we find ourselves searching a bit more. This shift is prompting us to confront the items we store but rarely use.

Surprisingly, the new house boasts a wine fridge and two wet bars with an ice maker. Despite our sobriety and moderate drinking, we’ll find creative ways to utilize these amenities.

Moving

​A lot is happening over the next week. On Tuesday evening, we get the keys for the new house. The main move is scheduled for the following Saturday. Between Tuesday and Saturday, we're having the carpets cleaned and moving what we can. The packing and planning causes a certain amount of tension, but my husband and I have lovingly promised each other that we won't divorce in the next two months. This promise will hold through the stressful transition.

We are buying a new home.

It's a nice home, slightly smaller than our current house. It's in a much more walkable neighborhood.

There is a little bit of drama. To prep for selling our current house, we had it inspected. The inspection came back clean. Unfortunately, part of the inspection was a sewer scope. After the scoping, the inspector didn't properly reinstall the cap. So, for the past few days we've had a slow drip out of the sewer. It doesn't look like there has been major damage. It does make your heart sink though.

 SB has passed on. He passed peacefully with his daughter and a friend with him. 

We have spent the past few days in North Carolina with some old fiends of a the Husband's.

Saturday we attended their daughter's graduated university. We also helped her pack for a move. It was a long emotional day. That evening we drove down to Surf City NC to enjoy a week a the beach. It's very pleasent here. The weather has largely cooperated. Even the rain has been warm and gentle enough that walking in it is pleasant. 

Travel day

​i’m heading out this morning. I’ve already said goodbye to dad. He cried a little then left for his morning bus route.

It’s a travel day for me. I am already getting notices that my flights are delayed.

We have designed and put a down payment on a tombstone for mom and dad.  We put much thought into it. It's simple and elegant-- very similar to other family tombstones, yet reflects my parent's tastes. Mom's side has a little decoration on it. Dad wanted his side to be plain. 

My brother and his wife have just left the family farm for their return trip home. I'm staying a few more days then flying off to a week of vacation with my husband.

The interment was lovely. It was well attended by family. The weather cooperated.

I'm realizing how little I actually know about much of my extended family. I recognize their names and faces, but I probably wouldn't travel to their funerals. Perhaps I'm overthinking this. Most of the family is retired and lives within a 15-minute drive of the church. A few live a few hours away. Only my brother and I must travel across the continent.

My brother puts much effort into memorizing family dates and names, births, marriages, and deaths. On Sunday, we toured other family gravesites. He noticed that I have a cousin who was born less than three months after his parents' marriage. Dad had a good laugh. Dad has always known that uncle and aunt had a shotgun wedding. They kept it hidden as my aunt was training to be a nurse in a city that only had Catholic hospitals. The secret was kept well enough as my aunt went on to have a successful career in nursing.

And my father—he is doing well. There are moments when a little grief creeps up on him. But, by and large, he is in good spirits. He is taking much better care of the house than the last time we were here. He regularly visits neighbors and relatives. He is also enjoying his job as a school bus driver.

May Internment.

​I am back in the Ottawa Valley for my mother’s interment. “What is an interment?” I hear you ask. Well… my mother died last February. In this part of the world, in February, the ground is deeply frozen. People who die in the winter can’t be buried at that time. The burial then, the interment, happens sometime in spring after the thaw. We get together and host a mini funeral. 

My brothers will also be at the internment as will other family. One of my brothers and I both flew red eyes into Ottawa. We will drive the last leg up to my parents home together. 

Every few years I must relearn why I shouldn’t fly red eyeS. They sound attractive— they are less expensive and I can travel without loosing a day, In practice I sleep badly on the jet and can only get a couple hours of shut eye. I’ll be exhausted today. Fortunately, being exhausted is acceptable at a funeral. 

Last night the topic of our next move came up. It started off as an argument, but ended as a good discussion. I think we got to the core of differences-- the mortgage and monthly bills. I feel very safe and comfortable in our current house. It's a fantastic investment and it will alway be easy to sell. I am in no rush to change that.

The mortgage keeps the husband on edge. He feels like he can't even consider retirement until we live somewhere else. Owning our residence out right would give him piece of mind. Work has been very stressful on him for the past few months and he feels like he has no option but to keep working. He would love to transition to a less stressful job. He seems to be uncomfortable about retiring unless I retire with him.

I think that I'm in my early fifties, in my peak earning years and working in an industry that has a history of ejecting its elders. Doors will close should I hint that I'm looking at retirement.

My mother-in-law has bought a new dog. From what I understand, it will be a four-pound Shih Tzu. My husband and mother-in-law will pick it up at the airport this afternoon.

When my mother-in-law first mentioned she was purchasing a dog, I saw my husband try to hide his emotions. He forced his face to look neutral. My mother-in-law has owned several Shih Tzus over the years. Historically, instead of training the dogs to relieve themselves outdoors, she has let them use pee-pads indoors. The smell in her previous home was terrible. Neither of us have fond memories of them.

My mother-in-law is an 85-year-old woman who lives alone. She has friends at her retirement home, but like others in their 80s, they are passing away. If a dog will bring her some happiness, then let it be.

Work appears to be calming down. It's all over except for the slide decks.

The husband and I continue our house hunt. We've been arguing about it a little. He says he wants to visit open houses for fun. But when we are actually looking at a particular house, I get this feeling that he is ready to leap, to sell our house and start something new.

I think he would say that our retirement is coming up, that he wants to be prepared, and that I am passive-aggressively dragging my feet.

What does my transition to retirement look like? In my fantasy world, I get a job with less stress. My husband is looking for something similar. He is uncomfortable retiring before I do. I've encouraged him to retire before I do, but it's very important to him that we are on equal financial footing.

We had dinner with SB last night. He seems to be in good spirits. SB has problems speaking loudly for longer stretches, so a friend shared more details. SB has been assessed by a psychologist and a 2nd doctor and qualifies for the assisted suicide. Sometime in the near future, SB, SB's daughter and another friend will travel somewhere for the actual process.

Allan and Even have bought a new home. They have moved a little farther away from Seattle. It's a nice home and not far away from the water. It is in the flight path the SeaTac Airport. Outside there is jet noise every few minutes. Inside, with the windows closed, it is pleasant.

Their move has renewed my husband's and I discussion about our next home. I've been able to put off thinking about our next home. The husband has not. He still regularly searches through the apps for great houses.

We both agree that moving where in SeaTac's flight path, while very affordable, is not something we want. 

I try to limit this blog to my personal experiences, but sometimes outside stories creep in.

SB - I've known SB for years through my husband and the rooms of AA. He is in his eighties and has a few health problems - Parkinson's and Multiple Sclerosis. A few days ago, my husband was invited to a Celebration of Life Party for SB. Of course, we assumed that SB had passed away. My husband brought this up with a friend. The friend corrected him - SB is still alive but is choosing medically assisted suicide. The Celebration of Life will be his sendoff.

This sets off all sorts of emotions in me. I don't think I could make this choice. But having watched my mother slowly decline and die, there is something to respect about choosing how you die when your future is a certain decline.

These past two week at work have been stressful. We've had a bunch of service emergencies. The emergency has quieted down. Now the executives are digging in and trying to understand what went wrong. Fortunately, so far my team is unscathed. The fingers are being pointed at a partner org who has failed to execute. 

I feel little like I'm whistling past the graveyard. My org has plenty of its own challenges. 

Roderick Asks: What Is a Vibrant Gay Community?

The succinct answer is that a vibrant gay community is a place where I don’t find myself complaining about my surroundings.

We seek a community where we can stroll to restaurants and shops, and where we have a few gay neighbors. Currently, we reside in an extremely suburban neighborhood, teeming with families and school-age children.

Deciphering my husband’s priorities is a challenge. His desire to be free of our mortgage is clear. Beyond that, he grapples with the ensuing trade-offs. If we purchase a house outright, the budget we’ll need necessitates a significant lifestyle adjustment. Not necessarily a negative change, but certainly a shift.

Wishing everyone a joyful Easter! On Sunday, we hosted an Easter brunch for my mother-in-law and a few friends.

We have paused our search for a new home. My husband sensed my hesitation. We had a good discussion as a result.

I think he was a little miffed at me for encouraging him yet not being all in.

It has cleared up a lot of what we need to settle on before retirement-- how much we want to have in investments, where we want to live, what our commute can be like while we are still working.

I am also comforted that, with very little searching, we found three great houses. If they are that common now, we will find them again in five years. 

Roderick commented...

Do you really want to be compelled to drive - one day each week - for THREE HOURS in all types of weather in the years remaining until your retirement? Are the house itself and its location attractive enough to justify so doing? Roderick

Agreed. On that front, we've spotted a condo closer to home that could be a nice "forever home." It meets many of the requirements-- a great walk-able location with a view, we can buy it without a mortgage, and the commute isn't too bad.

It's much smaller than our current house, so we would need to greatly downsize. It's also not an ideal condo for guests to have an extended stay as the second bedroom is small. Maybe that's OK. We generally don't have many guests.

It's also less of an investment and more of a luxury. That doesn't overly concern my husband, but it is something I keep in mind.

Something I've learned about myself through our property hunt is that financial security is probably the thing that drives me the most. Usually, it manifests itself in healthy ways-- we never have credit card debt, and we invest much of our paychecks.

There is an unhealthy side to this-- being cheap to the point of negligence, being cheap and not frugal. This is common in my family. I have relatives, including my father, who brag that they live on less than $40K a year. I know I'll receive a certain amount of blowback from these relatives for acting better than them, for not living a simple, humble life, for not donating my money to causes important to them.

Most of my relatives would likely be happy for me.

And maybe I shouldn't care about the judgements of either.

My father is going to drive the school bus again. He drove the school bus for years after his retirement but stepped away from it about six months ago to take care of mom. His bus driver's license subsequently lapsed. When we were talking today, he told me he had passed his test and would start driving again next week. His old employer was grateful to have him back.