The husband was frustrated and said, “I think I need therapy.” We had been shopping for a birthday card for his mother. Her birthday is on Monday. Finding the right card was challenging. It had to strike the right balance: communicating something cheerful, yet not actually committing my husband to saying something that implies he loves his mother.

This year's birthday is a little more complicated than usual. The husband's brother has invited their mother out for a celebratory dinner, yet not invited the husband. The husband feels he has been snubbed and doesn't know how to respond otherwise.

I stay out of this. There's no fixing that family relationship. I have no idea why my brother-in-law hasn't invited my husband to the birthday dinner. I'm going to support my husband, but I won't engage with their family dyanamics.

I've been back in Seattle since Sunday. Work has been extremely intense this week. I led a ninety-minute conversation about my organization's plans with our CEO and his executive team. I believe it went well. However, there's much follow-up work to be done, and another significant presentation is due tomorrow.

So much planning. So many conversations. So many details. It's a challenge to keep up with everything. I have subscribed to the paid version of ChatGPT. I'm unsure if I'll retain the subscription for an extended period. I primarily use ChatGPT for copy editing, and the free version meets that need adequately. I can quickly dictate content, and ChatGPT tidies it up effectively.

Question... I dictated "I don't know if I'll keep it for long." and you rewrote that as " I'm unsure if I'll retain the subscription for an extended period." Tell me why you did that.

Certainly. My goal during the copy-editing process is to provide clarity and possibly a more formal or polished tone, depending on the context. Here's the reasoning behind that particular change:

1. **"I don't know" to "I'm unsure"**: Both phrases convey uncertainty, but "I'm unsure" often sounds a bit more formal or deliberate in writing.

2. **"keep it" to "retain the subscription"**: To add specificity. By specifying "retain the subscription," it clearly states the action regarding the subscription, making it transparent for readers who might not have the full context of the previous sentence.

3. **"for long" to "for an extended period"**: The phrase "for an extended period" sounds slightly more formal and specific compared to "for long."

However, it's worth noting that the original statement "I don't know if I'll keep it for long" is entirely correct and clear. The changes were made with a leaning towards formality and precision. If you prefer the original tone or feel, you should certainly stick with it!

Dad recently secured a funeral package for both himself and mom. For the purchase, he invited my brother and me to accompany him. I think he wanted some support from us, however the atmosphere was more of a pleasant chat rather than a somber discussion. The funeral director made a good effort to keep the mood light.

This particular director has worked with our family before. He was familiar with the peculiarities of our family names. Notably, my father, like his brothers, lacks a middle name. These details prompted a conversation about the traditions and reasons behind naming children.

When asked, "Where were you born?", Dad's birthplace in the Netherlands steered our discussion towards the distinction between Holland and the Netherlands, as well as the history of Dutch immigration in our region.

It doesn't help that some of my relatives go by different names depending on the context. "That's Jane. But she's known as Yane when speaking with someone Dutch. And if she's conversing with someone from Friesland, she goes by Yanke."

There's a depth of family and history here that I don't feel in Seattle. Such sentiments might be rare in many places. Over dinner, one of my cousins mentioned how his wife initially felt overwhelmed upon meeting our expansive extended family. Our ties span multiple generations.

When my husband met the family, he wasn't overwhelmed; I believe he was more suprized and then charmed. He has a few cousins, an uncle, and an aunt. While they maintain contact, they're spread out across the country.

I have somewhere between forty and fifty first cousins. Whenever the Husband and I dine with one of them, we sometimes find ourselves explaining our relationship to him for clarity: which uncle, which aunt, and even which farm they're associated with. The geography helps clarify the relations as my mothers family is more to the south and my father's to the north. 

As I grow older, I appreciate the family more. I might not want to retire or be buried here, but there's something special about this place.

Mom's 80th birthday was a quiet gathering. Both my brothers came to town. We had dinner and finished with cake.

Mom is still recovering, so we asked friends to give her some space. She received a good number of calls and cards.

We're encouraging her to walk more to regain her strength. However, walking alone isn't safe for her. When we try to assist, she sometimes makes pointed remarks. Due to her dementia, she doesn't always remember her current state. She believes she's in good health and prefers sitting. Dementia keeps her unaware of her unsteady steps. 

She is happy until reality forces her to deal with her conditions. Then she becomes cranky. Her pride is wounded. Though once she is setting again, she quickly forgets her struggles. She is happy and the world is right as rain.

Mom has returned from the hospital. She's weaker than she was back in July. Taking even a few steps is hard for her now. We're hoping that if she keeps trying to walk, she'll get stronger.

This afternoon, my brothers and I hung out with our parents. My middle brother and Dad have this unique way of chatting. They spend hours discussing everything from exaggerated stories to wild theories. Their topics jump from politics, past events, to local news. Every so often, one might question the other's tale with a, "Not sure about that." But for the most part, they just listen and respond. Their kind of chat is both odd and fascinating to me.

My dad has a hate for fiat currency. Multiple times he has mentioned. "Everything went wrong when you could just print money and make some people rich and others poor.

Next week is my mother's 80th birthday. My brothers and I are all traveling to her home to celebrate. Currently, I'm in Vancouver enroute to Ottawa.

Lately, my mother has been in and out of the hospital. She's been battling a urinary tract infection, and for reasons unclear to me, she's losing blood. She requires a pint or two every few weeks. I'm unsure if my father isn't asking the doctors about it or if he's withholding information. Regardless, the medications she's been prescribed since her stroke are blood thinners, which don't help in preventing the bleeding.

One of my brothers has been sharing photos from her hospital room. She seems drowsy most of the time.

My father has opted for a smaller hospital for my mother. There are noticeably fewer patients compared to the large hospital they used before. It also seems the doctors and nurses have a smaller caseload.

Dad truly values the staff at the smaller hospital. He seems to form closer connections with them. For years, Dad drove the school bus and got to know many children in the area. It warms his heart when a nurse or orderly recalls the days he drove their children's bus.

The plans for Mom's birthday party are still up in the air. We expect her to be discharged on Sunday evening. Presuming she's out of the hospital, we'll celebrate with her at home. We'll cook a lovely dinner and have her birthday cake there.

We're back in Seattle, and there's been a sharp change in the weather. It's cool and rainy now.

My body seems to respond better to the cooler temperatures. I sleep better and feel more energized.

Our last few days in Dallas were a lot of fun. We met up with some of my husband's high school friends and explored the arboretum, which was beautifully decorated for Halloween.

In the evening, we dined at Las Palmas, a lovely Tex-Mex restaurant. Much of our time was spent sharing photos from our younger days. We've all changed so much.

The topic of retirement surfaced. Our host, a highly successful man, is 62 and the CEO of a mid-sized company. He intends to work until he's at least 70. Financially, his plan is wise. My husband and I wonder how we'd maintain the energy to work that long.

The Husband's Texas drawl is coming back now that we have been in Texas for a few days.

We are spending a good chunk of time catching up with his old friends, some of which date back to high school. 

I suggested that if we moved to Texas then he'd have many more friends that we do in Seattle. He pushed back on that. Many of his Dallas friends are heavy drinkers. That's not a life he wants to be part of any more. He enjoys catching up. He can enjoy hanging around here for a few days knowing we will return to Seattle soon.

We attended the Texas State Fair last night. It was fun. We rode a few rides, walked through the pavilions, watched the shows and ate too much deep friend food on a stick. Our host was insistent that our corn dogs had to be Fletchers Original Corn Dogs.

We returned home only few moments before a huge thunderstorm arrived; the kind of thunderstorm that turns a street into a creek within minutes. I enjoyed watching the ran pour down on our hosts backyard.

We are in Dallas for the week. The husband lived in Texas for many years and has many old friends here. We are staying with a couple of his closest.

The heat in Dallas is the first thing I've noticed. Even in October, the temperature rises above ninety during the day. The locals all stay indoors until it cools down in the evening. I am a little reminded of Tommy's writing about the LA heat.

The locals dress a little more nicely than in the PNW. No surprise there-- flannel, tech swag the Thrift Shop are the unofficial PNW garb.

While we are here, I am working from our hosts home. The husband has taken a week of vacation and is using some of this time to meet up with old friends. 

I am on a quest to try distinctive Texas food; BBQ, Mexican, Tex-Mex, chicken fried steak. 

The BBQ was excellent. Better than we can get in Seattle. The Texmex and Mexican food is good, but about the same quality as California or Washington. Every city seams to have its secret taco truck that makes excellent tacos.

This husband suggested I have a Texas Margarita. At first I was interested. As we searched, I realized he was just pointing to any bar that advertised margaritas. I had to ask-- is a Texas Margarita just a margarita made by a Texan, or is it something distinctly Texan? We concluded that it's just a margarita made by a Texan. I let that goal drop and reminded myself to not let AA folks bartend for me-- they prefer convenience and quantity over quality. That is not how I drink.

Tommy commented... "Downsizing does give you a breath of fresh air, and tends to make u ask yourself "do you really need that second shovel or this 30 pair of socks...."


We have so many socks... Downsizing may be good for my soul.

There is another troll in the neighborhood, and hints of fall are visible in the trees.

Five trolls created by the artist Thomas Dambo can be found in the Seattle area.

The weekend was quiet. On Saturday, we had lunch with my cranky mother-in-law, who tends to complain loudly about various aspects of her life. She often expresses dissatisfaction with the food at her retirement home, although it’s unclear whether her complaints are entirely justified. These unresolved issues contribute to a growing bucket of resentments over time. Her eyes lit up as she told us about another unresolved issue and how she was going to complain even louder.

In the afternoon, we explored West Seattle, a neighborhood we’re considering for retirement. It offers stunning views, a welcoming environment for the LGBTQ+ community, ample shopping opportunities, and proximity to friends.

Currently, we reside in a fantastic home in a great suburban neighborhood. While we enjoy being next to a large park, we must drive to go shopping or visit friends. If we move to West Seattle, we’ll need to downsize to a smaller house with less parking.

I’ve come to accept that I have one-percenter problems.

After our West Seattle tour, we had dinner with our friend Tap. We discussed our situation with him, and he advised us to give up space and move somewhere smaller. Tap recently downsized from a larger house to a smaller condo and has no regrets. The change has provided him with more free time.

On Sunday afternoon, I cooked beef bourguignon—a fancy name for pot roast. In the evening, we hosted Evan and Allan for dinner, played games, enjoyed each other’s company, and savored the food.

Last week was hectic. At work, we had people in from all over the world for an on-site meeting. I've worked with many of these people for years, yet this was the first time we've met them in person.

Over the weekend the Husband and I spent the night at a pleasant little costal village. A friend of ours has owns a house there with an attached apartment that he rents out. The apartment was vacant, so we took the opportunity to spend the night.

At dinner there, we met the local gays. For a small town, there is a surprising number of gay couples. These locals, for years, have been recruiting other gay couples to move there-- especially couples who are nearing retirement. Housing is much more affordable. Shopping and services are surprisingly close. Nearby there is a high-speed ferry to downtown Seattle.

This did prompt the husband and I to have a good chat about where, when and how we want to retire.  We know that retirement is in our future, but we don't have a specific plan. Just a few concepts-- we want to travel, to live someplace nice, to retire with enough money to not worry about our finances, to have something meaningful to do with our time. 

 

We also have a new troll in the neighborhood. But that's all good.

This morning a bear dropped by. It rummaged through the garbage cans alongside our house and then vanished. 

The fact that it vanished is more unnerving than the fact we have a bear. An arborvitae hedge separates our house from our neighbors. I think I see a place where the bear may have pushed through. I'll discuss with the neighbors later. 

Summer is winding down. The weather has been fantastic though peak summer has passed. The shadows at noon are getting long. Its pleasantly cool over night and into the morning. Plants are drying out. The more fragile are withering. 

My parents seem to be doing well. They have enough support to get by, or at least enough that they are not complaining. I have a trip booked in October for my mother's 80th birthday. Hopefully all stays well till then.

G&J and their son, were in town for the weekend. G&J are two of my oldest friends. We went to university together and lived together for many years back then. 

The husband and I took them on a low key tour of some of Seattle's sights-- the Space Needle, the Chihuly Glass Museum, interesting neighborhoods.

We had many good conversations. Retirement and mortality are hot topics, especially since SG's death last month. SG's death has hit G hard. In fact G was with SG's wife when they took him off life support.

And then there is my mother-- she has had a second stroke. She is back in the hospital. She has lost most of the use of her right arm. This time, our family response is a little more muted. A little more "wait and see." 

With mom's first stroke we had this optimism that she would fully recover. All mom needed was some time and help from her family and friends. With this second stroke we realize that assisted living is in mom's future. Full recovery may never come. She and dad must make plans that respect this. 

Work is fairly intense this week. I've had to catch up on many issues that I didn't deal with over the past month.

Unexpectedly the husband had some friends in town. Originally they just had a layover at the Seatac airport, however their departure flight was delayed by hours, so we had the time to have lunch with them.

In the evening, the husband and I had our first date night in over a month. We went out and saw Barbie. What a great movie. This is the second movie we've watched in theaters since the pandemic started. I enjoyed Barbie in the theater. I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it less at home on our large TV.

  

I am back in Seattle after spending a month in Ontario. It feels good to be home and sleep in my own bed.

Our dog ignored me when we first opened the door. She was very excited to see my husband, but when she saw me, she looked and sniffed, then turned around and ran back to him.

I’ve gained ten pounds in the past month. It’s hard to say no to pie when your father places a piece in front of you after dinner. My dad is not open to conversations about a heart-healthy diet. He is seventy-nine years old and has lived this way for years. If he changed his diet and something went wrong, he would blame it on the new diet.

My brother has also left my parents’ home. I hope all goes well with my parents. My parents now have personal support workers, but as a cousin put it, my mother has dementia, diabetes, has survived cancer, and is recovering from a stroke. We want her to recover and will work and pray for that, but we must accept that major recovery would be a miracle.

Saturday was SG's celebration of life. It was well attended-- about 200 people. Somber. Sincere. Many friends gave heartfelt tributes. 

Afterwards, a few of us, including DM (the widow), gathered at a friend's house. It was good to unwind a bit. DM's closest friends have done much to support her. The Celebration of life took work to organize and carry off. It was good to spend a few hours with friends, just relaxing.