Last night Huff delivered baby H2 into this world. Mother and baby are recovering well. 

My husband was in the delivery room. It was a very emotional experience for him. 

Huff's baby is on the way. My husband has headed off to be with her. Huff asked him to be the one who cuts the cord.

Tommy writes...

Wonderful Photograph..... you must have a "green thumb"

Thank you and perhaps.  I enjoy the technical challenge of raising plants (The farmer in me?) I have little interest in creating a beautiful garden. This can frustrate my husband, though he does a good job on his own.

This year sunflowers caught my eye so I decided to give them a go. 

Sunday morning, we took my mother-in-law to a local park for a picnic. It’s a bit of a production—she needs oxygen and a scooter—but we pulled it off. We ate lunch, watched the ferries, and said hello to the park’s troll.

Sunday evening, we went to a neighborhood BBQ hosted by someone in AA. Over the past year, my husband has connected with other locals in the program and built a solid group of friends here.

About a month ago, I planted sunflowers. They're starting to bloom.

We've now lived in this house for a full year and have settled into its rhythms.

Our old house was tucked into the woods and had industrial-strength HVAC. Set the thermostat, and every room hit that number. Easy.

This house is different. It faces south and west, and the air conditioning is... adequate. As a result, we have to pay more attention—adjusting windows and blinds throughout the day as the sun moves.

I’m back in Seattle today. My husband is still in Chicago until Tuesday. Seattle is just starting its shift from regular gloom to summer glow, so I was greeted with one of those rare and glorious sunny days.

And now, a note for posterity: The Crow.

I haven’t been writing about the crow, but I’ve been living with it.

A little over a month ago, I got the urge to tame a crow. Yes, I know. Odd impulse. I think I’d read something about how intelligent crows are—that they can learn to recognize people, and even bring you shiny things if you feed them.

One afternoon, I spotted a crow sitting near our balcony. I put out half a dozen dog kibbles. After I stepped away, it flew over and gobbled them up. Encouraged, over the next few days, I repeated this routine. Each time I saw a crow (I like to think it was the same one), I’d set out a few kibbles and walk away. 

After about a week, it started to recognize me. If I was walking around the neighborhood, it would follow me home, clearly anticipating its treat.

So far, so good.

Then it started sitting, waiting for me, on the power line above where my husband parks his vehicle.

My husband was unimpressed with the amount of crow shit on his windshield. Then another crow joined in. More noise. More shit. 

I’ve stopped feeding the crow. I now chase it away when I see it near the house. The dream of bonding with urban wildlife has been replaced by a more practical ambition: keeping my husband's SUV clean.

My husband and I are in Chicago for the weekend. He’s here for work. I’m here to wander.

For as long as I’ve known him, my husband has been sober. He’s in the program. So I was surprised when he said that years ago, when he lived in Chicago, he was in the depths of addiction.

This trip, he said, was a way to build new memories in a city that once held some very hard ones.

There was something quiet and powerful about that—about being allowed to rewrite your past by simply being present in the now. Just walking beside someone you love, and watching a place soften.

He’s been reading my blog lately. He likes where it’s going. He said he’s glad I’m talking through some of this, instead of just keeping it all in my head. Then he made a suggestion—something we might try going forward.

He proposed that we divide our future travel plans into thirds:

• One third with friends
• One third with family
• One third involving some kind of volunteer work

I like that. It doesn’t feel preachy or overly ambitious. A little structure to balance our experiences.

After reading my previous, my husband sent me an old man meme. It read:

“Life humbles you. As you grow old, you stop chasing the big things. Alone time, enough sleep, a good diet, long walks, and quality time with loved ones. Simplicity becomes the ultimate goal.”

Then Tommy wrote me.

“The question that you pose is something on most minds of men from my age to yours. Life should be lived... but few really live it to the fullest. I’m not suggesting it’s all about being gay or being in the clique. It’s an adventure of one’s self—to be fulfilled in ways that make a person happy. I was once asked, ‘Tommy, do you have any regrets?’ I can honestly say I don’t. I created my life. I have lived. And as I slowly go into my 70s, I have no regrets.”

Living life to the fullest—that’s the phrase that keeps coming back. I’m pulled in different directions.

On one side, there’s my family. My father is proud of the fact that he lives well on $30,000 a year. He’s traveled. He eats well. He’s surrounded by friends and extended family. He lives a deeply fulfilling life, and he’s not the only one. Most of my relatives spend their free time hunting or fishing. They take part-time jobs now and then—for extra cash or to help a neighbor. I have a cousin whose dream is to open a home for the elderly. She’s already the de facto caregiver for several elders in the family. She is by no means unfulfilled. I admire her enormously.

And then there’s the other direction: my life.

Opportunities came along, and it felt wrong to turn them down. That’s how I ended up in tech, in the Pacific Northwest. Decades ago, I was offered a job in Seattle. I knew I’d regret not taking it. So I said yes. I left home and friends for something very different.

Sunday night, just before lights out, my husband asked what I was thinking about.

“Hedonism,” I replied.

This wasn’t a joke. It’s been on my mind lately—not just the pursuit of pleasure, but how we are unintentionally building a life around it. The conversation that followed tugged on something in him that we’ll need to explore more. But for me, this line of thought has been simmering for a while.

Saturday night, we hosted a dinner party. It was lovely: good food, good wine, relaxed conversation. A few of our guests are newly retired. They talked about skiing trips and springtime in Greece and Portugal. It was the kind of evening that affirms everything about the life we’ve built.

The next day, we went to a large gay bear pool party. Our hosts have many friends—big, hairy, muscle bears who all show up in full force. We talked about parties, travel, OnlyFans, adventures, and occasionally, drugs. Everyone seemed well-fed, well-groomed, and fully booked.

My husband and I are affluent. Many of our friends are too. As we plan our retirement, our calendars are already filling with travel, new experiences, and what we broadly call “fun.” We even have a shared planning document—travel tabs, household upgrades, health strategy. There’s even a line item labeled: “Something meaningful or spiritual.”

That one’s never fleshed out.

We both love travel. We love food. We love our life. But I know that is not enough.

When I say I’ve been thinking about hedonism, I don’t mean it as a moral panic or an accusation. It’s a word I’m using to name the quiet gravitational pull of our life—a life that’s full of comfort, beauty, and experience. I see around me a more overt sprint toward indulgence—more parties, more stimulation, more next things. Our version is slower, but it’s still tilted toward pleasure, and I’m starting to wonder what gets left out.

There’s a space in the plan we keep skipping. Not because we don’t care, but because we don’t know how to fill it.

I can already hear my friend C2 saying, “No one feels sorry for you. If being of service is important, then what’s stopping you? If it’s not, then stop whining.”

It’s good advice. It’s also exactly the point. What is stopping me?

Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s inertia. Or maybe pleasure is simply easier to schedule than purpose. Booking flights is straightforward. Volunteering or spiritual inquiry takes something fuzzier—an internal commitment, a willingness to show up for something that doesn’t reward you with points or likes or validation.

I don’t have a grand conclusion. But I know I don’t want to be a cheerful person who left that part blank.

So this is where I’ll start: by naming the blank space. By asking the question out loud. And by staying with it, even if the answer takes a while.

Tuesday evening we had my birthday dinner with Yo and the Angel. It was great to catch up with them. We are each involved with the lives of our aging parents and I appreciated hearing how they are handing it.

Yo runs a small business that imports much of its inventory from China. Now with tariffs, his Chinese supplier first ships the supplies to an intermediate country before sending them on to Seattle. So he avoids the tariffs though he must pay a little more in shipping. This whole stunt made us laugh and reminded me of how bad the current administration is at executing on their promises. If the small guys can figure this out, then what are the majors doing?

We have a new roommate. At the old house, we would rent out the ADU to traveling nurses. One of our past renters reached out to us and asked if we had a place to stay for a couple of months. He has a contract in Seattle and needed a place to stay. We said yes, just to try it out.

Our neighbors have repainted their garden dinosaurs. This captures the kitschy vibe of our neighborhood.

 

It's my birthday on Tuesday and this week I am having an extended birthday celebration. 

C2 flew into town and stayed with us for the weekend. He is thinking about moving back to Seattle. Part of his trip was to scout out places to stay. He's thinking of buying a condo on Cap Hill.

Saturday evening we went to a retro 80's concert with W&P. We saw Modern English, Soft Cell and Simple Minds. It was a fantastic concert. The performers were at the top of their games. That doesn't always happen at nostalgia concerts. 

Sunday we held a potluck BBQ for my birthday. Maybe 20 people showed. I am very grateful to my husband for pulling this off. It was great to catch up with everyone. 

Bohemian commented...  

 *LOL* I think too many C-Sections are done, Babies usually arrive when they're good and ready to and unless there is health risk to the Mother 

We had a great lunch conversation on just this topic. Huff's perspective is that she is older, this is her first baby, and her family has a history of complicated child births. While she was carefully explaining her position my brother-in-law blurted out "Get it! Save the vag!"

Social weekend for me. Saturday I had extra time for myself since, my husband was up in Alaska for work 

Saturday morning I had breakfast with Clem. It’s always good to catch up with him. Clem and his husband travel very often on a small budget so I’m always trying to learn theIr lessons. Some of it is that they have established friendships in Greece and Spain going back decades. A bed at a friends is always available. 

Sunday, we had a Mother’s Day brunch for Huff and my mother-in-law. Is was full production, brunch— food for 10 people. 

Huff’s pregnancy is coming along well. If the baby doesn’t arrive on time, then a C-section is scheduled for June 12. 

My mother-in-law is slowing down. I don’t often see her exerting herself at her apartment so it’s hard to judge progress. At our house, she struggled to go up the two stairs in our yard. This is new. She is 87, has COPD and CHF. Mentally she’s all with it. I wish her the best. 

The couple kitty corner from us has separated. We haven’t seen them in a while, so we texted to catch up. They responded with the news. It happened a couple months ago and they have been laying low. Life goes on. 

A pleasant weekend.

We planted the concrete planters that run along the side of our house. These planters are out of sight, so we were more experimental with the plants. If we don't like that garden a year from now then we'll just rip it out.

In the large planter, we planted hostas, hydrangeas, rosemary. We started a mint garden in a smaller. I've heard that mint tends to take over. The smaller planter box out of the way and has mixed light. Perfect for a plant that takes over. 

Indoors, I've started 20 sunflowers. They are currently about two feet high. I'll transplant them outside soon. Over night it's still too cool for sunflowers. Perhaps it will be warm enough by next weekend. 

Saturday evening we have TJ & GW over for dinner. They just spent a month a place in Florida called The Villages-- a very large 55 plus community. They loved it and are thinking about buying a house in there. The prices are about a third of Seattle prices. 

It was good to hear from TJ&GW on this. I'm not interested in moving to FL, even if for a nice 55 plus community. Perhaps we could spend a month there every now and then, but that's about it. 

Apparently the Villages have a Loofa code for its swingers. Not my cup of tea, but interesting.

Sunday morning we had coffee with R & P. We haven't seen them in years. R sometimes goes into a dark funk where she doesn't want to see people for months, years even. We had written off their friendship, but then out of the blue, she reached out suggested we get together. 

Afterwards coffee we did more planting around my mother-in-laws place, had a nice lunch and then chilled for the afternoon. I went on a good bike ride along the shore. My husband napped.

The husband is working in Las Vegas at medical a conference, and I joined him for the weekend.

I generally don’t gamble, so I spent Saturday wandering around, seeing the sights. I also caught a couple of shows. As always, Vegas is commerce unbridled and a feast for the eyes. 

It’s been a pleasant weekend.

Saturday we held a baby shower for our friend Huff. Huff is about two months away from giving birth.

We had about 50 guests. It was an interesting mix of characters, Huff is a real estate agent and in the program. The guests were largely either real estate agents, or in the program, or both. 

Real estate agents are great guests at parties. Sure they want to network, but when they leave they are fastidious about cleaning up. More of us could live by that mantra… “leave it better than you found it.”

My mother-in-law has Covid. It’s dragging on and she is bored. Fortunately, it’s not severe. She is resting up and frequently calling her friends and family . Later today, my husband will double mask and head over to leave a care package.

My husband has heard back from his pulmonologist. His lungs look good. He is fine. 

My mother-in-law has Covid. It's a mild case. She has a fever, a sore throat and has quarantined in her apartment. Apparently, there is a small outbreak of Covid at her retirement home. 

We have had a wonderful weekend in Seaside. I have been here many years in April where we’ve had nothing but rain and cloud.  This year there was much sunshine

At the convention, I attended Al-Anon talks. In previous years, I had only attended AA talks because my friends are members.

I found the Al-Anon talks more insightful and, as a result, enjoyed the convention more. While I have many friends in AA, I don’t share their struggle with alcohol. I can easily choose not to drink or limit myself to one, making it difficult for me to fully understand the challenges faced by those who can't stop. To me, it seems simple: just don't.

The "A-List bear." They are popular. QJ has thousands of Instagram followers. We had a conversation about unhealthy and healthy social media posts. In his view, an unhealthy post is a staged, shirtless photoshoot by the pool. A healthy post, on the other hand, is a spontaneous shirtless selfie taken while genuinely enjoying a moment by the pool, simply wanting to capture a memory.

Overall, QJ is a great friend. I enjoy his stories and respect his perspective on life. We often take many selfies together until he finds and posts just the right one.

We're in Seaside, Oregon for an AA convention—Sober in Seaside. Our friends, C6 and QJ, have joined us on the trip, as they do nearly every year.

Seaside is a quaint little coastal town. We're lucky with the weather this year—plenty of sunshine. Pacific Northwest beaches are usually blanketed in clouds and rain, so it's a treat to stroll along the shore and take in the views.

Our dog is off her pain meds and healthy again. She loves running along the beach. We still have to keep an eye on her, though—she has a habit of eating anything smelly she can find.

C6 and QJ are an interesting couple—definitely A-list bears. I have only ever seen them dress in jeans, a t-shirt, running shoes, and a baseball cap. The intriguing part? Their t-shirts, caps, and shoes always match. The t-shirts are perfectly ironed. It’s casual, but with a touch of precision. I, on the other hand, tend to be a slob. Well... I always wear clean cloths, but I haven't ironed in years. As for matching colors-- I'm lucky if I choose color combinations that don't clash.  My husband appreciates it when a spruce up my look a bit. I rarely have the energy for that. 

Our dog is recovering well. I'm administering her pain medication orally, but she resists swallowing the pills. She's quite skilled at concealing them; I've found a number of pills matted in her fur around her mouth and hidden around her bed.

My husband has an issue with his lungs. We're unsure of the cause, and he'll be seeing a pulmonologist as soon as possible. A few weeks ago, he had a persistent cough. He was diagnosed with a mild case of pneumonia and treated with medication. He felt much better afterward.

At today's follow-up appointment, the chest X-ray showed the pneumonia has cleared, but there's still an area of concern that requires further investigation.

Life goes on.

A while back our dog cracked her hind teeth while chewing on a bone. Since then these teeth have become prone to infection and will sometimes bleed.

Yesterday she went to the vet to have these teeth out. 

The procedure went well. Now she is on painkillers. For the first time in her life she is feeling dopey and uncoordinated. She does not like that. She stares at us with her tail between her legs, she doesn't want to walk and has little interest in her food. 

Get well soon little doggie.