After reading my previous, my husband sent me an old man meme. It read:

“Life humbles you. As you grow old, you stop chasing the big things. Alone time, enough sleep, a good diet, long walks, and quality time with loved ones. Simplicity becomes the ultimate goal.”

Then Tommy wrote me.

“The question that you pose is something on most minds of men from my age to yours. Life should be lived... but few really live it to the fullest. I’m not suggesting it’s all about being gay or being in the clique. It’s an adventure of one’s self—to be fulfilled in ways that make a person happy. I was once asked, ‘Tommy, do you have any regrets?’ I can honestly say I don’t. I created my life. I have lived. And as I slowly go into my 70s, I have no regrets.”

Living life to the fullest—that’s the phrase that keeps coming back. I’m pulled in different directions.

On one side, there’s my family. My father is proud of the fact that he lives well on $30,000 a year. He’s traveled. He eats well. He’s surrounded by friends and extended family. He lives a deeply fulfilling life, and he’s not the only one. Most of my relatives spend their free time hunting or fishing. They take part-time jobs now and then—for extra cash or to help a neighbor. I have a cousin whose dream is to open a home for the elderly. She’s already the de facto caregiver for several elders in the family. She is by no means unfulfilled. I admire her enormously.

And then there’s the other direction: my life.

Opportunities came along, and it felt wrong to turn them down. That’s how I ended up in tech, in the Pacific Northwest. Decades ago, I was offered a job in Seattle. I knew I’d regret not taking it. So I said yes. I left home and friends for something very different.