Well, I'm back. Master Mark toned down his act, he still feels kind of guilty about the whole Sean thing.

If I was falling for the man, it would have been a great day. Inbetween having sex, we went to the huskies game. Mark has season tickets to the UW huskies (college football) UW won over USC, 27-24. The game was tied but then in the last 3 seconds then UW scored a field goal. We had more sex after the game, had dinner and went out for drinks. He had me take my shirt off and pose a bit. I got more than a few good looks. I'm not really comfortable with being shirtless. I lead a very conservative life so walking around shirtless at a leather bar is new.

Afterwards we went back to his place and then slept.

College football kind of amazes me. I'm from Canada-- not a big football country. Canadian pro-football games attact a few thousand fans. Canadian college football games attract a few hundred fans. But, U.S. college football attracts 60+ thousand fans. I don't think they have stadiums that big in Canada. The SkyDome in Toronto only fits about 55000 people.

While I was having sex with Mark, to get off, I fantasized about normal vanilla sex.

Mixed day.

I was supposed to go to the Mariners game with Bruce and L, but John the fireman called me, and started presuring me to make longer terms plans with thim. Rather than jerk him around, I decided that I had to tell him how I felt. So we had dinner together. While we were driving back he grabbed my hand. I sighed. He looked at me and asked "what? I fumbled for words for a few seconds and then said "This is the let's just be friends speach." We didn't talk about it much more than that. He thanked me for my honesty. We changed the converstation and started talking about obscure bands.

Master Mark emailed me today. He apologized for letting Master Sean abuse me so roughly and told me he wanted to hook up again. I agreed. I just got the following...

"You will deliver yourself to my house at 10am tomorrow morning. You will go up into the back yard and enter through the back door. Go downstairs, strip to the waist, and kneel down facing the weight bench. Put your hands on your head. You will be wearing a jock, tight jeans (same ones as before), and a tight tee shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Bring with you a jacket and sweatshirt and anything you need for overnight. Make sure your ass is clean, boy. You will only touch your penis to urinate or shower. No ejaculations. Bring with you a six pack of whatever kind of beer you like. SIR."

Quiet day. I rearranged my office. While I was doing so, I had a good talk with my manager about how to arrange your office to make it easier to goof off. If you point the back of your monitor to the door, when people walk by they can't see your screen. This makes it easier to surf the web unobserved.

My office is low goof off. You can see the screen when you walk by the door.

I had lunch with Ryan and Jen. We went to Dixies BBQ. I love Dixies. It's a crappy hole in the wall that serves the best BBQ west of the Cascades. They serve a hot sauce called "The Man" A few drops of The Man is enough to make a beef briskit sandwich unbearably hot.

While we were having lunch Ryan told us that he might be offered a great job in Florida. Jen didn't say much, but kind of looked at me and smiled.

I got another mention on tommy's site. He's really inflating my ego. Thank you very much Tommy. You are a good man. Air travel is cheap right now. Maybe I should visit.

I got an email from another reader... "I think it's fun to read stuff from you kids who are still having fun and going thru the trials of dating. Cracks me up! I'm 32, settled down with my partner, step-son, a home, and a dog."

I'm 31. ;-)

I'd guess that he hasn't been in his relationship for more than 2 years-- maybe even less than 1. He's too comfortable, the glow hasn't warn off. As Tina said in Flirting with Disaster "Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?"

I got a rather cryptic message from Harry. Harry hasn't called me in about two weeks. He emails a few times a week. A few days ago Harry forwarded me a joke. I wrote back...
> Hey.
> Thanks for the joke.
> Things going good with you?

Tonight Harry wrote back...
> I don't know. I am just taking it day by day..
> Talk soon Harry

I can't tell if he's depressed, or trying to avoid me.

There we go. I've given my blog a new look. It's been one year since I've moved my journal to the web. The first post was actually October 12th, 2000. Reading the entries from October 2000 shows me how little I've learnt and grown in the past year. Sigh.

I'm getting more regular readers too. Which is kind of weird, kind of fun. It forces me to write more clearly. Just a reminder-- to protect the privacy of everyone in my blog, I've changed all the names. Also, it lets me be more honest. I'm not going to hide something if I don't think it's going to make it's way back to me.

Not much important happened today. At work, through a freak co-incidence, I managed to look like a genius. Earlier on, I was researching an obscure feature in our software. Now, one of our customers was having problems with our product. No one could understand why their software was acting weird. But, I took look one look at the problem and knew exactly what was wrong; the obscure feature was turned on. Any other day and I would have been as lost as everyone else. Hell, one month from now I'll forget how the obscure feature works. But today, I looked like a genius.

I ran into Chris at the cafeteria. Later on I told Bruce I saw Chris, so he headed over to say hi. For Bruce, my office is on the way to Chris's so I see Bruce ever time he hunts Chris down. I can't tell what Bruce feels for Chris. He says hi to him enough. But, he tells me he's not really in love. In addition, Bruce has a date with another guy tonight. Oh well.

I got tested for HIV tonight. I get the results in about a week. I'm not worried about it. I play safe.

Other than that, I just took the evening off. Not working out tonight-- I'm going to let the needle prick in my arm heal for a day.

Tueday, went to work. Took a course. Bruce dropped by my office while I was away. Chris was filming something in the building next to me, so he wanted to drag me over and watch.

Bruce and I talked in the afternoon. We agreed to get together for dinner at my place. So, when I got home, I made some stew, and we chatted about the BF situation. We are both seeing guys who are good men but the chemistry isn't there. It's a hard situation. You know that if you stuck things out, you'd be proud to build a life with him. But, one day, that special man would catch your eye, and you'd leave the BF behind.

I've also been obsessing over Harry, although I didn't tell Bruce that. I feel I have no right to whine about Harry since he's in a relationship. But, man-o-man, have I got a crush on him. I called him on Monday and left a message. He emailed back and said he might call me on Tuesday. But, he didn't. It's driving me squirlly. I want to be with him so badly. I want to talk to him every day. This time I'm not going to let bad timing keep us apart. That is assuming he's as close to ending it with the BF as he says he is. Part of me thinks that he just says bad things about the BF just to string me along. I don't think he's that kind of player though. He might just think it's not appropriate to talk to me very often while he's still with his BF.

I don't know. I wish things were simple.

I played hockey tonight. It was our first game of the winter season. We lost 5-2. Our big problem is lack of cardio. We also picked up a few new players. They are good, but we still must get comfortable with each others style. For example, one of the new D's is used to playing one minute shifts. On our team we play two minute shifts. As a resultt, he didn't pace him self right and tired out fairly quickly.

I would like to switch to one minute shifts though. I'll work on the rest of the D squad and get them to agree.

Went to work today. In the morning I unpacked my stuff in my new office. Had lunch with Bruce and his friend Chris. We made plans for the evening to go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It was a good movie. I think Chris loved it.

Chris really has a crush on Bruce. Chirs was always gushing over Bruce and trying to touch Bruce. I made a couple of jokes about being their chaperon. I don't think Bruce has strong feelings for Chris though. He probably likes Chris-- Chris is an attractive, interesting man. But, I don't think the chemistry is there. Oh well.

Sunday was a relaxing day. Didn't do much during the day. Ate lunch. Did laundry. I had my first hockey practice for the 2001/2002 season. It was an ok pratice. I've got a blister on my foot now. I guess I lost my hockey caluses over the past month.

After practice, I went out and had beer with Bruce. Brian was there, but we didn't do much more than say hi to each other.

Bruce and I chatted about work, Celluloid Loop (A local TV show he produces) and boy friends. We were trying to figure out where John and I are going. John is a nice guy, but at the end of the day I wouldn't feel bad if he stopped returing my calls. On top of it all, Harry is looming on the horizon. I don't think I can honestly commit to anyone until I know if Harry and I are getting together. Of course Harry may take another month or two to break up with his BF. Even then he might not want to date me.

I've had a fun couple of days. I had Friday off because my division is moving to another building. Friday morning, John, the Fireman called me up to chat and to see if I wanted to do something. On the spur of the moment, we decided to go to Orcas Island Orcas island is about 2 hours away from Seattle-- one-hour drive, one-hour ferry ride.

We figured since we were leaving during the day on Friday, after tourist season, things would be quiet. That was wrong. Even though we arrived for the ferry 30 minutes early, it was full. We had to wait another two and half hours before we could get on. While we were waiting, we started calling dozens of different hotels on Orcas to try and find a place. Most of them were booked. We finally lucked out and found a one bedroom cottage on the ocean. I wish we had planned a bit in advance. It would have been fun to stay longer than one day. The view was incredible

Friday night we had dinner at the Orcas Wine Co. I highly recommend it. The food was excellent.

Friday night was the first time I slept with or had sex with John. We talked a bit about it. He mentioned that at first he wasn't sure I was attracted to him. I told him that I wanted to get to know him better, but it definitely wasn't love at first site.

In bed John kind of surprised me. He's another one of those men that just that wants to rough me up and rape me. He apologized for it later. He said he was very controlling and rough in bed. If he ever got too intense for me then I should tell him. He would slow down.

I'm trying to figure out why I attract these mega-aggressive men. It's all right being roughed up in bed, but I think I prefer something more normal. What's kind of funny is that my friend Bruce wants, needs, to be roughed up in bed. But he can't find it. He's seeing a counselor because it's hard for him to get off unless he's being beaten up.

On the flip side, I've met 3 guys in the past 3 months who just want me to lie there and take their abuse. On one hand, it is kind of hot just submitting completely to a man. But, it's even hotter to have a man please you while you please him.

I haven't told Bruce about these men.

I find it hard to relate to a man when you know he's going slap you around a bit in bed. John doesn't seem to have the problem. The rest of the day, he was very kind and sweet to me. He got out of bed early and brought me breakfast.

When we checked out of the cottage, the owner said he didn't take Visa. We didn't have a cheque on us, nor enough cash. So the owner said. "Don't worry, just mail me a cheque next week." That attitude summarizes Orcas Island. Very laid back. Very calm. Very trusting.

I liked it so much that I'm going to give it a plug. If you ever want to spend some time on a quiet island, go to Orcas Island, and stay at the Bayside Cottages.

Saturday John and I hiked up Mt. Constitution. More beautiful views at the top. We think it was about a 6-mile hike. 3 up, 3 down.

We had lunch at an Italian restaurant. I forget the name. Good pizza though.

After dinner, we took the ferry back to the mainland and drove to meet some of John's friends; Debbie, Jason and Carl. They also live right on the ocean. They were expecting us, so they put a crab pot out in the ocean. At dusk Jason and Carl went out to retrieve the crab pot. It took them a long time; it was hard to find the crab pot in the dark, plus the ocean was choppy. After about an hour they returned with 5 crabs.

Later on Jason admitted that he couldn't find his crab pot, so he raided a neighbours.

We had a bonfire on the beach, and cooked the crab right there. It was fun and I learnt how to clean crabs.

We chatted till about midnight and then headed for home. John dropped me off. I'll give him a call today and thank him.

Tonight, Bruce and I went out to Pioneer Square. We stopped at the Central, and at J.M's. Pioneer Square is the big entertainment district in Seattle. A number of big bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam Played there before they were famous.

The bands we listened to were very good; although both of them were cover bands. They certainly had the crowd dancing.

About half way through the night, we ran into Keith. Bruce told me that once he was dating a guy, Eric, and that Keith ruined things between Eric and he. Eric fell in love with Keith and didn't want to keep dating Bruce. But, Keith is fairly young and immature. So Keith ended up jerking Eric around.

So, Bruce and I chatted the night away. He told me about his latest problems. I told him about mine. At one point he turned and accidentally elbowed a women in her breast. Bruce apoligized and they both laughed about it. The women hugged Bruce and then left.

Today they released pictures of the hijackers. It strikes me how normal and ordinary they looked. No face of evil here. Just average Joe's doing what they felt was right. How can anyone live in the USA for years without developing enough doubt to decide they shouldn't fly kamikaze into a building. Maybe some of them did. Maybe there are another 19 hijacker wanna-be's walking around who backed out at the last minute.

I wonder how Hollywood will evil-ify them for the inevitable movie.

At work we've started calling the attacks on NYC and Washington, "AOA"; "Attack on America". Problems related to the AOA are AOA issues. We had a number of customers in the WTC who are now experiencing AOA issues. Let me remove the business speak. Hundreds of people in the WTC were running my software. They are now dead. Their computers are now rubble. Their companies and co-workers are desperately trying to recover from the loss of their skilled employees and the information on their computers. We're hand holding them as much as we can however at the end of the day they loose. They know they've lost. They know there is nothing they can do but pray it doesn't happen again. They can't even take time to grieve. Now, more than ever, people need to know that their insurance policy still means something, that they can still withdraw money from their bank account. To do that we had to restore their services, to replace their dead, as fast as possible.

Part of my work training is to constantly ask "How can we prevent this problem from happening again?" I don't ask that now.

My whole brain seams to have changed lately. I'm not thinking about sex as much as I used to. I wonder if my bout of giardia is related? Did I just have a sex habit and being sick for a week broke me of it? Am I still a little bit sick?

Health issues aside, it's convienent. I no longer spend hours on line looking to meet someone. I don't really care about going out to the bars. I am more productive at work. I now have extra time to read. If it wasn't for that nagging doubt about my health, I'd be happier this way.

Nothing much today. Went to work. Came home. Worked out. Made dinner, cleaned the house, read a bit. Updated my blog.

I've been listening to random channels on MP3.com. Its kind of fun. Sometimes you stumble onto a great obscure band. Sometimes you run into complete crap. Most of it is mediorcre. The best part of it is that I haven't heard most of the songs before. I'll take one listen of a mediorce song over dozens of one that's above average.

Last night I had dinner at Brian's. Work isn't going well for him. Yesterday he indirectly caused a huge explosion that created about $100,000 of damage. Central Control gave him bad instructions on cross connecting two power circuites (Brian is a lineman for a power company) When he followed the instructions, things short circuited.

He's depressed about it. It wasn't his fault. But he's annoyed that the company he works for now doesn't have the equipment and procedures to prevent that kind of mistake.

It was a beautiful day today so I went kayaking on Lake Washington. I left from Coulon Point, paddled over to Mercer Island, ate lunch there and then paddled back.

When I got back, I was tired so I took a nap.

In the evening, Colin came over for dinner. I think he's got a crush on me. He asked me if I'm ever nervous around him. I said no. He told me that sometimes he's nervous around me.

On a slightly related note, since last weekend, since I've recovered from being sick, my sex drive is much lower. I used to have hard-ons all the time. But this past week, I haven't jerked off at all and I never have morning wood. Maybe I'm still not fully healthy. I feel ok, although I am a bit more tired than normal. I don't drink coffee like I did before I was sick. Maybe my system isn't used to being awake without a pick me up.

I'll give it another couple of weeks, and then go see my doctor. On the flip side, it's kind of nice not being lead around by my dick. I'm much more productive at work. I'm finishing off house errands. If I knew it wasn't anything to worry about then I'd be happy with my new libido.

Yesterday, I had a great day with Bruce.

Bruce, L and I started off having breakfast at Van's. After breakfast L had to leave. His car (a 20 year old Z) is having blinker switch problems. He had to go and beg the only mechanic for 50 miles with the parts for the Z, to fix it on a Saturday

Bruce and I decided to go to Mt. Reineer.

First we stoped off at work. When we got there, there was a fire alarm. One of the computers caught on fire. The whole building smelt of burnt plastic and gave you a headache if you stayed inside too long.

We finally got to Mt. Reineer at about 2pm. We hiked around water falls, and across rivers. We drove all the way to Paradise and had lunch there. Then drove on and hiked around the Box Canyon. The Box Canyon is kind of neat. It's not a canyon like the Grand Canyon. It's only about 10 feet wide, but over a hunded feet deep.

After we left the mountain we had dinner at the Naches Tavern-- this little tavern in the middle of no where but the entrace to the park. We drove back to Redmond. Had coffee at Victors and some beer at the Celtic Bayou.

One of the guys at worked died. He looked healthy as a horse. He bicycled to and from work every day. Then, when he got home, he collapsed. His wife was there, but she couldn't revive him.

I didn't know him that well. A a number of the people I work with had worked closely with him and knew his family.

I talked to Colin today. We were supposed to get together for dinner, but a work problem flaired up and he has to stay. So, now I'm hanging around the house. I worked out. I'm a bit tired. It will be an early night tonight.

I talked to Harry today. He's pissed at his BF. He and his BF rarely go out and do things together, yet today his BF is at the Mariners game. In addition, Harry works at Boeing-- yesterday Boeing announced that due to terrorism demand for jets has plumeted. Over the next year, Boeing will lay off tens of thousands of people. It was big news, but the BF never mentioned a thing to Harry.

He also mentioned he might drop a bomb shell on his BF sometime in the next couple of weeks. He didn't mention what the bomb shell would be, but it's not hard to guess.

After work I went hiking with John the fireman. John is in the airforce reserves so he expects to be called up any day. We hiked around Tiger Mountain, Tradition Lake and the swamp trail. Afterwards we had dinner at the Issaquah Brewery.

At work I'm sort of transitioning to another group. The official purpose is to help the other group with their backlog. The real purposes are... one, ensure they are using proper engineering techniques and to teach them if not, and two, if they have any cool tricks or skills, learn about them and bring them back to my group. It's only for 3 days a week but that might change. The other group has technology that will be around longer than mine, so I'm doing it to make sure my career stays on track.

I went to the doctor yesterday. For the past week I've been tired and have had to use the washroom very often. It turns out I've got giardia. A week ago, when I went hiking with Colin, I drank some water from a river. I guess at that time I picked up some giardia protozoa. Let that be a lesson on drinking untreated water.

It's not serious. I'm on an antibiotic and I'm feeling much better already.

I talked to Harry yesterday. When I told him about my giardia, he laughed and told me his story. A while before he called, he meant to fart, but some diarrhea squirted out. At first he hoped it was just a warm wet fart but after some investigation, that hope was dashed.

He went to the washroom, cleaned up, flushed his undies down the toilet and pulled out his shirt to try and hide the wet spot.

He said he's nervous lately. He doesn't know what to do with the BF. Harry loves the BF but is not happy. He's been drinking a bit more to try and calm things. It sounds like he and the BF have been arguing about small things. They went to the Puyallup Fair. Harry wanted to go on some of the rides, but the BF and his friends didn't. He called the BF "a stick in the mud," I can't tell if he did so in jest or out of frustration.

I have to stop dwelling over Harry. It's weird. If I fantasize about him, it's not a raw-fucking-sex fantasy. I think of simpling things like touching him, or kissing him-- just being with him.

I didn't do much all weekend. I watched Hannibal and Cast Way. Both are not bad.

The weather is starting to turn. Sunday and today are cloudy and rainy. The forcast says partially cloudy for for the next few days. After that it's a lot of rain. We had a good summer this year. I'll miss it.