Live blogging the BIL (Brother In Law)

At three in the morning we received a call from the U.S. Embassy in France. The BIL was there. They were making him a new passport. The people on the phone seemed to care. They understood that he couldn't be trusted. They said they would watch over him the best they could. They also made it clear that the BIL is free man. If he chooses to leave, then he can't be stopped.

We cashed in many air miles and got him a ticket from Paris to Seattle. I booked him an Uber. I am pleasantly happy that someone in Seattle can book an Uber for a drive in France. The Uber driver was a bit confused when I explained the situation to him, but he went along with it.

Cars are not allowed at the U.S. Embassy since the Paris bombings, so the driver had to meet the BIL at a hotel down the street. Because the BIL lost his cell phone, we had a few tense minutes after the Embassy staff let the BIL out the door, but before the Uber driver confirmed that the BIL was in the car.

For an hour, I watched the Uber app as they drove towards the airport. The BIL is now at the airport. Security knows about him, and we've arranged for Wheel Chair assistance.

The flight has an overnight layover at London-Heathrow. He arrives in Seattle on Friday.

Keeping our fingers crossed.

Loving detachment... Should we have done this? This isn't the first time that the BIL has had an alcoholic meltdown. It won't be the last. The BIL has lost job after job due to alcohol. My Husband has rescued him far too often. 

The brother in law is still drunk in France. It sounds like the he somehow got his hands on more vodka, and just kept drinking, The B&B host eventually called emergency services and had him sent to the hospital. 

On the topic of my wayward brother-in-law, Tommy writes... "Sounds like the making of a good Southern Play....... where is Tennessee Williams when u need him."

It is. Want to fly to Paris?

The weather has been unusually gorgeous for this time of the year.

C2 was in town for the weekend. He now lives and works in Denver. He visits Washington State regularly as he has family here and he owns a few properties in the area.

C2 has stuff in storage in a few places. He has boxes at his sisters, at his dad's and at our place. He's had this stuff in storage for years.

We went through some of it this weekend. Most of it's near-garbage. You know-- stuff you don't need, yet is not in poor enough condition to throw out or give away.

A vegetable peeler. Internet routers. A shoe shine kit. An old LED alarm clock. A futon that's breaking down. Boxes and boxes of stuff. I'm encouraging C2 to throw it all out. He is still very attached to it.

C2 and his sister are not talking to each other. From what C2's step-mother said, they are both pointing fingers at each other. Neither will take responsibility for rebuilding their relationship. Neither shows empathy or curiosity.

Consider... "I'm in town. Do you want to meet?" v.s. "Hey. We haven't talked in a long time. Let's meet and catch up."

Its important to each that they be unrelentingly right. Or maybe they both want to play the victim to the others lack of social grace. 

We talked about showing empathy. C2 said "I can show empathy when I need to." My thought about empathy-- unless you can show it when you don't need to, then it's not really empathy. 

Family.

My brother in law-- when he's sober, he's a wonderful loving man. Danger, danger when he's not.

The brother-in-law spent a few weeks in France. Some of it was for a work-away. Some of it was at a Buddhist retreat.

Something happened on his way back to the States. The brother-in-law lost his passport. He made his way to the U.S. embassy and managed to call the Husband. The Husband wired him money to get a new passport.

Something happened after the brother-in-law picked up the money and before he got back to the embassy. The brother in law got drunk. He wound up somewhere. Maybe a hostel. He stayed there for a day. He lost the key to that room.

Since early this morning, the hostel owners and the brother-in-law has been on the phone with the Husband. The brother-in-law is asking for something. Not sure what. Mostly the brother-in-law is crying and saying he's sorry. The Husband has suggested to the room owners that they send the brother-in-law to the hospital to sober up.

The husband has been rescuing brother-in-law for years. Seriously, for years. I remember the husband helping out the brother-in-law over fifteen years ago when the brother-in-law had another melt down over drugs and alcohol.

The Husband is torn and has been reading about loving detachment. 

So far so good on the interviews. In the next month, I have two all day interviews coming up. These are with large companies.

I had two additional tech screens with smaller companies, but have not heard back from them. I've been told this is not unusual. Weeks from now they may ask me for another round of interviews. Or, I may never hear from them again.

I've started interviews. I've also started looking for an interview coach. I don't want to screw too many of them up.

The first call is with a recruiter. I generally pass those.

The second interview is deeper with someone who is generally hiring for the job. Different companies want very different things from their managers. Some want a manager who is super strong technically. Some want a manager who is great with the people, and differs all technical discussions to the team.

I try to be professional through it all.

I've started job hunting. So far, so good. Recruiters are willing to talk to me and I'm in the process of scheduling an on-site interview with an old-competitor.

Some old friends of the husband's stayed over Saturday night for a birthday celebration.

We also went out and attended a local haunted forest. The haunted forest is a fundraiser for the local Rotary club. It is a huge production! There were well over a hundred volunteers dressed up to scare. There were so many scary scenes. It was much fun. Parking, and the line to get in were crazy

Monday morning, I've started looking for a job. Mostly I'm polishing my resume, my LinkedIn profile and figuring out who the good recruiters are. 

I am trying to break my habit of regularly checking the internet. Writing is OK. Being creative or generative, that is good. But checking my email, Facebook, Reddit, Twitter, whatever. There is little need for that. I could check them once a week and I wouldn't miss a thing.

I am doing well with my time off. I am not bored. I had better not get used to this because I have to return to work.

I talked to my old boss— the one who was fired exactly one year before me. He suggested I take a couple weeks to decompress, and then start a job hunt. The time will go quickly.

I've spent the last couple of days, reading, exercising and purging— getting rid of stuff I will no longer need.

I'm also collecting ideas on how to approach my job search. I have an interview with an old competitor coming up. I want to use this as a learning interview, and not be desperate to take the first job offered to me.

The husband has been wonderful though this. Suggesting that I take the tine I need to decompress, and offering my suggestions of recruiters I can reach out to later.

I have an on-site interview with a competitor of the old company. I had a phone screen with them last week. This is good news, but I must be cautious. The competitor doesn't know that I am currently unemployed. That news could change things. 

We spent the weekend at Disney in California with Evan and Allen.

Allen called the event a Disneyathalon We walked over 10 miles each on Friday and Saturday. Then 5 more on Sunday.

We were in the park by 8am on Friday and 7am on Saturday. We didn't leave till after 10pm both nights.

Disney is a very special place for the husband. He grew up in California and spent many family vacations there. As an adult he loves to go back.

The first thing I decided to do today is to apply for U.S. citizenship. After 22 years of living in this country, it's time to naturalize.

The citizenship applications asks for much old paperwork to document my past. Every trip outside the country. Old divorces. Old fights. Where I have lived in the past five years. My husband's divorce. That night I spent in jail.

I don't like myself on paper. Or maybe it's just the shock of having old memories dredged up and aired in front of me.

I talked to my former boss, who coincidentally, left the mother company exactly one year ago yesterday. We talked about life after that career-- we were both at the mother company for over 20 years.

The old boss warned me that time would go quickly. He suggested I take some time to decompress before I make more plans.

I am getting inundated with messages from old coworkers, Curious. Wishing me well.

So what's new?

I am no longer an employee at the mother company. I've worked there for 22 years. I've been through so much there. Lately, it's been super frustrating and stressful. For months really with no end in sight. Sometimes the difference between stress and excitement is a deep desire for the battle.

Today we agreed to part ways.

This is a strange moment in my life. I have had a job full time schooling in my life since I was 15 years old. I am 49 now.

This husband is thankful that the stress has been lifted. He has a good job, and we have a good chunk of savings and investments. Materially we'll be OK. Maybe I won't retire when I'm 55, but there are worse things.

What's new...

The husband's mother was in town for a few days. We took her to a play, took her to a dinner circus and hosted a game night with some friends with her.

Fall is here. Looking over my past years blogs, I see that I post the return-of-fall every year. This year the return was sudden. One day it was sunny and warm. The next day it was cool, clouds with a lite drizzle.

A dear friend of the husband is in town for the weekend. We have been seeing the sights and eating too much. 

A wonderful Labor Day weekend.

This last weekend the husband and I went to a retreat for people in AA. This is the third time we've gone. The lodge that hosts the retreat is pleasant and tranquil. It's a great weekend away.

Talking to folks at the retreat has emboldened me to shake up my career. Maybe find a new job elsewhere. Many of the attendees are now living well, despite having burnt down their careers in past lives.

Either way, I've managed to reacquainted myself with a few old friends, including an old coworker who made the decisions that ended up with me (and others including himself) moving from Toronto to Seattle. It was good to catch up with him.

Casey died.

Years ago, when Yo was my roommate, he had a wonderful dog, Casey. I would take Casey on hikes up the small mountains around us. I enjoyed that so much. When we  came across a stream or pool she would run through the water all excited.

Of course she would also run through mud puddles all excited.

But she has aged. She had problems walking, cancer and vestibular disease. She died peacefully.

Our trip to Ontario has me thinking through the future.

What is to become of my parents? They don't want to leave the farm. They are capable of taking care of it now, but every time I'm there, it seems they have slowed down a little more.

We spent some of our time there doing the big chores. Chopping up trees that came down. Removing an old freezer that died.

They have too much food that they don't use. The fridge had year old, expired, salad dressings in it. Dad admitted that some of the frozen chicken in the freezer had been there for at least 5 years. I have a brother who lives more close to my parents. I'll ask him to regularly check these things.

The husband and I now have friends all over Ontario. It's a lot of work to visit when we go back. We can't have lunches, dinners or coffees with everyone. There are cousins that we are growing closer to. And old school friends.

One of the old school friends asked if we would retire to my original hometown. I didn't know how to answer. It's pleasant there in the summer. But, it could get boring and the winters are cold.

It could get boring... like I have an exciting life in Seattle. 

Mac has moved back to Seattle. It's made me very reflective. We were once best friends. Time, jobs and life moved us apart.

When I told the husband that Mac was moving back to Seattle, the husband quickly responded that he was in no rush to reacquaint us with Mac. We do live very different lives now. 

We are flying back from a week in Ontario. It was a hectic week, seeing sights and meeting old friends.

My brothers were in town. It was good to spend time with them as well as my parents. We spent a few days doing errands around our parents farm-- chopping wood, getting rid of appliances that don't work.

The cousins are off. They are now touring the mountains to the east. The Cascades and the Rockies. 

The husband and I flew to Sacramento for the weekend to visit his parents. They are both in their 80s and living independently. The husband would prefer they moved into a retirement home, but the parents aren't ready for that yet. 

Its hot here. Sacramento has been hitting 100F every day. We are spoiled with the pleasant weather back in Seattle. 

Gorgeous day today. I am chilling a bit while the husband naps. Enjoying the sound and scent of the breeze in the trees.

The husbands cousins from England have been here for a week. Lovely people. They are doing a tour with if the west coast. Its made the week busy though, with friends over, or events every night.

Drag Queen bingo was fun though.

Anyways, the cousins are taking a day trip to a local volcano while the husband and I catch up on errand and rest.

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We had a good weekend, though expensive weekend.

We finally got a BBQ hooked up at the house. When we moved in, we had a nice natural gas BBQ. But, the natural gas in the new house was not near the location where the BBQ needed to be. We got a couple of quotes for moving that natural gas-- $2000.00! For that price we could get a nice new propane BBQ.

Eventually we found a quote for $1300.00. Still expensive.

Friday the installer moved the gas. The bills was $1800.00 plus tax! We looked hard at the quote. He did write $1800.00 there, but his pen skipped a bit on the curve of the 8 making it look like $1300.

Sigh.

The BBQ is nice though.

Saturday we went looking for a new sofa. One store offered $9000.00 for a nice sectional sofa! Ouch Moving on the next store was selling a $21,000.00 sectional sofa. No features like a recliner or expensive leather. $21,000 was the basic model. It was nice to see, but $21,000.00

I'm not sure who the customer is for that. Maybe commercial? I'm thinking of a hotel lobby where you have dozens of people sitting down and getting up all day every day for years. That sofa would need to stay looking good after years of hard use.

Eventually we went to a chain store and found a sofa, chair & ottoman for less than a fifth of the designer sofa price.

Such is life in Seattle.

It's been a social 4th. We've attended events every day since Thursday. 

Thursday was a BBQ at Brown's. He has just sold his house, so it was a last hurrah before he moves. He is retiring and is moving to the nice, less expensive, place just a ferry ride away from Seattle. 

Friday I had dinner with my old boss and his wife. They are starting a new business as travel consultants for a large travel company. Things are starting. He knows the next couple of years will be a lot of work. But, they enjoy travel.

Saturday was the big annual pool party with the A-list bear crowd at C6 & J's. C6 has retired and has turned his house into a bit of a resort. There is much gorgeous landscaping at their place. It was great to catch up with everyone.

The Saturday party was important for the husband. He used to be very popular in this crowd. That was during his drinking and partying years. Now that he's sober he's isn't always comfortable in this crowd. It turned out well through. He had a good time.

Sunday was a Sobriety birthday party with Ray. It was a quiet event. There was plenty of cake. Success!

July 4

Happy independence day to all!

We are relaxing today, and heading to a BBQ later on. 

Boring or Chill.

I am ready for quiet time. The husband loves to book social commitments. He feel uncomfortable unless he has a few dinners and a trip or two on the calendar.

He doesn't want to be known as a boring person.

I don't remember the last time I was ever bored. I don't care if someone thinks I'm boring. As far as I'm concerned the past six months has had far too much drama in it-- the husband's hospitalization and recovery, our new house, my trip to Nairobi, to Bangalore, camping, trip to the coast. I'm ready to be boring for a while.

I've been obsessing, a little, over the TV show Schitt's Creek. We started watching it because our other shows ended, and Schitt's Creek seemed like a lite, fun, low commitment program to watch until we found something better to watch.

Season 1 was just that. Then, over season 2 it starts to develop some weight. The kids start to rebel against their parents by becoming slightly less terrible people.

Then in Season 3 a nice gay romance starts up. And I love this story. This is weird, but for the first time in my life I understand why someone would love a rom-com. There is no HIV subplot. There is no political rights angle. There is no coming-out-of-the-closet angst. There are just two men getting to know each other. The only thing that stands between them is their own baggage.

The levity of it all is a social statement in and of itself. The writers have created a small town where gay men can have a romance, and no one objects. Sometimes they have questions. But no one objects.
  

We have accepted an offer on our townhouse. The buyer hasn't backed out. This is good.

At work, when people ask me "How are things?" I've taken to responding "The usual amount of crazy." I'm not sure how else to respond without coming across as "Not a team player." It's not just me either. Many other managers that I talk to are also overwhelmed.

And it's not just "Overwhelmed, but if I work hard I can get through it." It's "Overwhelmed and I don't know where to start on these problems unless I talk to many different people." We are all so tightly interdependent on each other that no one can make a move without coordinating with too many other teams. Of course this means that the Directors have to be tightly involved in all this coordination to ensure the right things are happening.

I spend a good chunk of my week preparing for the weekly Director and Executive reviews. My main hope is that by doing this, my team can actually do real work. 

Our townhouse has not sold yet. I've just lowered the price by $15,000

Work has been chaotic. People are starting on vacations. We finished annual planning

The beach in the Pacific North West is only decorative. So says a friend. The water is cold. There is a constant cool wind. You won’t lay out in the sun or swim on the ocean beaches in Washington and Oregon. But what gorgeous decoration!

Last January, not anticipating the drama we'd have with moving, we booked a house on the beach for my birthday.

So now we are on the coast this weekend, with friends. The weather is gorgeous today. There has been rain and wind as well.

"Tommy" said...

Those must be the big green utility boxes in most subdivisions here... most people plant some plants near them to hide them.

It's exactly that. 

We did get their deposit. $15,000.00. Who walks a way from $15,000? Our mortgage broker said that this is the first time in his 25 year career that he's seen someone walk away from a deposit.

Energy box...

I know a little more.

The energy box is an access vault that the local electrical company uses distribute and maintain the power to our row of townhouses. It's in the common area in front of our townhouse. The vault was tested, and is well within safety limits.

The couple that was going to buy our townhouse have children that have some sort of hemoglobin issue that requires an extra margin of safety.

Yes, the truth here feels very thin.

When we originally accept the couples offer, we had a backup offer. Though that offer has expired, our agent thinks it came from a growing land lord that wants to buy multiple properties. The land lord may still be interested.

Old Townhouse

We planned to close on the sale old townhouse today. I was at the title office signing papers. The husband called me, very angry, and asking me to take him seriously. What he was about to tell me was not a joke.

At the final walk through the couple purchasing our home decided that there was a bad energy box too near the home. The bad energy wouldn't affect them, but they didn't want to raise their kids near it.

I have no idea what a bad energy box is. We are scrambling to figure out what to do. Worst case we will have to restage it and resale.

We should be able to keep their deposit. Restaging & reselling the house is a lot of work.

New house

The house sale closed today. We got the keys in the late afternoon. Carpet cleaners and handyman are running through it now. 

We are both very excited about her new home

Two days ago, on our walk-through, the house was in a mess. The previous owner had not cleaned or repaired the walls after taking down a lot art. It was a little frustrating to see our new house and such and unkempt state. But, elbow grease and good cleaners solve a lot of problems.

BD passed away yesterday. Last fall BD was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He went through chemo, but it was not successful.

The husband has been doing well. His gut has been behaving normally for over week.

We have sold our townhouse. We priced it right. It was a fast sale... open house last Saturday. We accepted a full price offer on Saturday night.

We close on our new house on Monday.

So much is happening now. We are buying a new house and selling our old. For some time we've been working with a real-estate agent to find a new house. We had a long list of criteria for the new house, so most months we wouldn't hear from him.

Then we did. It's a nice house in our neighborhood. It's about a ten minute walk away from where we currently live.

The husband is still off work. He's been using his time to prep our existing townhouse for sale. Because of this he hasn't been able to rest as much as he needs. He's not healing as fast as I'd hope.

Or maybe, his return to full health would be a long slog anyways. He has good days, and bad days. Good hours and bad hours.

My worry for him has increased. A month ago he was nicely recovering. Then he plateaued. He'd be fine for a few days. Then he'd experience a setback.

He continues to work with the doctors. 

I was in Nairobi Kenya for work, visiting our Nairobi office. I've also done a bit of site seeing...

Nairobi national park is right next to the city.

I've been to India a few times, so I'm used to the modern 3rd world experience. The international hotels in India, and our hotel in Nairobi were very similar. They both offer a 1st world bubble within their respective cities.

I was driving with a Nairobian coworker. We got into a small fender bender while merging in slow congested traffic. This happened right in front of a police officer. The first thing the policeman asked was "How much money do you have?" My coworker and the policeman negotiated a price.

Afterwards, the driver of the car that we hit gave my coworker the feedback that he should have negotiated harder with the police. Police corruption and bribery is just an expected thing.

The team at the office is great. Very young, but very eager to learn. I'm finding it hard to have long engaging conversations with the Kenyans. They are naturally quiet.

The weather is gorgeous this weekend. Cherries are blooming. Everyone is out sunning

The husband has had a bit of a set back. He now has a C. Diff. infection. He will be OK, but we are currently going through toilet paper by the crate. 

For now, we are out enjoying the sun.

All is well here. The husband is still at home, but will return to work soon. His energy is improving everyday.

The husband will leave the hospital later today. 

More of the story.

The husband developed a fever and cramps the night before we flew back from our vacation. We first thought it was the flu or food poisoning. The pain kept growing, so after we returned to Seattle, the husband immediately went to the hospital.

Quickly the doctors diagnosed the problem as diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is a condition where pouches develop in your lower intestine or colon and then these pouches get infected. It can be caused due to genetics (His mother also has it) It can also be caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. 

Saturday, they hooked the husband up to an antibiotic drip. Pain killers were kept to a minimum since many of them cause constipation. He was like this for three days. Constant fever and pain. Regular antibiotics.

Wednesday one of the diverticulitis pouches ruptured. The doctors decided to install two drains in him. Basically he now has two tubes exiting his stomach. Each tube has a vacuum bulb that slowly sucks out the infection. They are called JP drains if you want to check them out. 

The husband lovingly calls these two drains Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Within a day of the drain installation, the husband started getting better. His fever was gone within 24 hours. The pain subsided. He would still get a few cramps. They became bearable. 

By Saturday his sense of humor returned. He is also much more spiritual about the whole situation. 

Just today he had his first sold food in over a week.

Earlier I mentioned that the husband calls his drains Thing 1 and Thing 2. He talks about them as if they are pets on a leash. His movements must now be very intentional. Thing 1 and Thing 2 must not get caught on anything, or trapped, or squeezed when he sits, stands or moves around.  

He will leave the hospital later today. We are still learning about long term care. For some time he will rest at home. He will be responsible for administering his own antibiotics, and cleaning Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

A friend is staying with for a while, so the husband won't be alone while I work.

The husband is in the hospital. Diverticulitis. I think he is doing OK. He sounds OK. They are running many tests on him, and probably won't let him out till Wednesday,

The husband, our friend Bailey and I spent a few days in Park City Utah, enjoying the mountains, skiing and snowboarding. The city its self is a nice place to hang.

We had 3 perfect days of weather.

It's almost back to normal here. There is still plenty of snow on the ground. The rain has cleared the roads. Outside there is constant trickling and dripping as the snow melts away. It sounds as if its raining, even if it isn't.

The husband has been away for a week at a national sales meeting. He, and his team have one a few awards. He is very excited by this. Congratulations sweetie!

The next snow storm is starting now. The weatherman got the timing right. Snow starting at 4pm. First a few flurries. Now getting thicker by the minute. 

We still have plenty of food. The grocery stores continue to run low, but not out. Seattle is having a luxury crisis. No one is dieing. We are looking after our neighbors. We sit and watch the snow with a nice cup of hot coco.

There is a winter storm watch starting this afternoon Even more snow is in the forecast for next week. Everyone is hunkering down. Some grocery stores are reporting shortages of the staples, though this is not wide spread.

The husband and I have plenty of food for us and the pets. We'll be OK for a few days though we may have to eat vegetarian if this lasts too long.

It wouldn't hurt us to eat vegetarian for a few days.

Work continues to be half staffed. Many schools and day cares are only open for a half day today. Parents are working from home.

Here in Seattle, we are having snow days. The schools have shut down. Work is half staffed.

In truth, there isn't that much snow. If Seattle were a city with real winter experience, then everything would be open. As it stands Seattle doesn't have the proper number of snow plows. Most cars don't have all season radial tires. And so, everyone is stuck at home.

At work, the Norwegians and Canadians are laughing at the state of affairs.

The husband's birthday approaches. This stresses him out. There are a few other things going on his life that don't help-- he isn't getting along with his new boss, he has a job interview on Monday. Such is life.

We both of a habit of over stuffing our lives. Between work, work travel, vacation travel, dinner parties and nights out, our time goes quickly.

A few nights off may be just want the Dr. orders.

We had a very social weekend.

Fried Chicken dinner with friends on Friday.

Saturday was a Birthday party for Yo at a nearby Casino. Their steakhouse is awesome.

Sunday was dinner with Clem & Bates. Catching up with them, their activities, their travels. They are not a couple that sits still. If they are not traveling, working or hosting a dinner party, then it's Lyft or Uber. Or music practice. So much activity.

We have been back in town for a few days. Today I'm back at work. and the husband's starts training for his new role at his employer.

We celebrated the 30 year work anniversary for a guy on my team.

Then today, my intern from last summer, joined my team as a full timer.

And so work for 2019 begins...

Yesterday we drove up to Kitchener/Waterloo. This is where I went to University. I also have some relatives there.

It was good to see the relatives. We had a nice chat about family, travel and the future.

We also walked around my old university. It's greatly grown since I attended. Many new high rise office and condos are now around it. 

A professor at the university won the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics. Banners celebrating this were all over campus.  

Currently, we are travelling back home.

This is our first vacation in a while where I've really enjoyed myself, and where I'm looking forward to returning home at the end. We had much fun in Toronto.

Toronto really embraces its winter. I guess it has to. Otherwise it would be a city filled with millions of depressed people. Every day Torontonians are out in the cold, skating, shopping, sledding, exploring. Wonderful.

Not that I'm ready to return to Toronto. I love Seattle and will stay there for many years to come. 

We are now in the lounge at the airport. Checkin and customs was the usual amount of frustration. Now we wait and travel and wait and travel.

We are at my friends G&J today for their  a New Years Day extravaganza. It's a large all day party. Food is served nonstop from breakfast till dusk.

Its been good to catch up with many of my friends here.

Many parents come with their kids. Some of the kids dislike hugging goodbye. Instead, a few of us have taken to saying "Firm Handshake" while giving the goodbye hug. 

I've been reaching out to old high school friends and having lunches with them. We've had a great time catching up. I haven't seen some of them in over 20 years. So many stories.

We are now in Toronto staying with friends. The husband and I have been exploring the city and socializing. 

Merry Christmas all.

The husband, one of my brothers and his family are visiting my parents. Its snowy and sunny. 

Eating too much chocolate today.

We spent Saturday with friends in Leavenworth. Leavenworth is a nearby tourist town that has adopted a Bavarian building code. During Christmas, it lights its self and its trees to the max. 

We at too much good German sausage there. 

It was cold. Snow was on the ground. None the less, we spent a couple hours on an outdoor patio to watch the tree lighting ceremony. 

So much job churn.

A peer of mine has left the company for a completitor. I can't say I'm suprised. He has been frustred by a few things, including the exodus of our former manager, and the reasons that lead up to that event.

Apparently this has been in the works for a while.

The guy they have on-tap to replace my former peer is very smart. He may not be suited for the role, but he is hard working, and will be able to learn. Part of my job will be to help him though this.

This next year will be interesting for me. WIth the up-leveling of my boss, and my new peer, the org could have much more hourse power than three months ago. It's my challenge to keep pace. Not get left behind. 

The husband is on the central coast in California. He is at his home town. By coincidence his work brought him there. The husband loves it. He hasn't been there since he was young. It's bringing back fond old memories.

The husband still has a job.

One third of his old team was laid off. In fact, the company laid off 200 people in total.

The husband has a new boss and new responsibilities. He has started training this week. Some of the wind has been knocked out of him though. He will need some time to gather his strength.

Thanksgiving is over. We've had a very social few days.

C2 flew into town and crashed for a few days at our place.

Then there was our straggler's Thanks giving, which went very well.

Clem & Bates came over for dinner last night. It's been too long since we caught up with them. They have been all over the place-- Morocco, Ireland.

This Wednesday, the husband will discover if he still has his job. His company is going through a big reorg. The details will be released Wednesday. Though a back channel,  he knows that he won't have a job under his current boss or boss's boss. 

I've been under the weather for the past few day. I picked up a cold somewhere between Bangalore and Dubai. I have quarantining myself to keep my friends and coworkers well.

We have already put up our Christmas tree & lights. We did it, in part to pick up the husband's spirits. His company is about to announce a large layoff. He does not yet know if he has a job. He does know hat he won't be reporting to his current boss. It has stressed him. We'll get through it.

At my work, its quiet with Thanksgiving coming up. Many people take the whole week off. The husband and I are hosting a stragglers Thanksgiving. Is that a Friendsgiving? Hmmm. Googling Friendsgiving shows me that a Friendsgiving is a potluck between friends the weekend before Thanksgiving. Which this is not. We are hosting friends, and acquaintances who have no local family. A straggler's Thanksgiving it is.

The husband is busy planning the meal. He has purchased a large honey baked ham, and is making desserts and deviled eggs. Our guests will bring the remainder.

I spent much of Saturday with AS. He is an old coworker, who also happened to be in Bangalore for other reasons. My company large presence in India. There are many reasons for the Americans to go to Bangalore without too much coordination.

We had breakfast together and then went shopping at a nearby mall. On our way out, the hotel security was concerned that we were walking. They wanted us to take a driver. We walked anyways. Both of us are used to the chaos that is Bangalore traffic. The mall was very Westernized, which is a little disappointing. There was some Indian men's clothing there. However, I am too tall for that. They don't carry my size.

I am substantially taller than most everyone on the streets. I get a lot of looks from that.


Currently I am on my way back home. My total travel time, door to door, will be about 32 hours. This gives me much time to reflect. To mull things over. To look for improvements.

One conclusion-- I don't spend enough time reflecting & improving. The day to day problem solving soak up all that time. In that respect, going to Bangalore was useful, just top pop me out of my routine. Thanks to the time difference, all things urgent had to be handled by my team. And they did a good job. I must continue to let them do so.

Another is that I don't connect with my network enough. Again, I'm hiding behind the day to day problems. Also, I have a tendency to isolate. Sometimes that's good, when I'm using downtime to recharge. But, sometimes I'm just goofing off, reading social media. I could use my time better. By reaching out to friends. By writing.

I also have a long track record of failed attempts at self-improvements. Recently I've become a bit better at forward planning. But, I still have a long way to go.

We shall see. 

If there is one design choice in India, that we should adopt in America, its providing s spray wand next to the toilet  It's super easy to keep the toilet clean. 

I am eating a lot of food that I just can't identify, even if the menu is in English.

I just trust that if the restaurant is clean, and crowded, then the food will be good.

Mostly I am not disappointed, though sometimes I have dishes that are way too spicy.

Bangalore is going well.

I had dinner with coworkers tonight. Food, drinks, dessert and tip at a high end restaurant cost us about $20.00 each.

Taxi was $5 for a 30 minute trip. Close to the hotel, traffic was so insane that I asked the driver to pull over and let me walk the last blocks. Of course he just stopped in the middle of the street, took my payment and let me out in the middle of traffic.

At my lunch with my old manager, he said a few things that struck a cord with me. I was talking about an coworker who left my team to work for his. I said "I miss her. I liked working with her."

My old manager snapped back "You don't have to miss her you know. You can talk to her anytime."

My old manager always had a tough-love attitude that I really respected.

Day two of Bangalore is starting. We are fleshing out a six month plan. That's always a lot of work, especially when I don't have a six month plan for my team.

> The entry speaks of a successful career.... !!!! and an employer who trust in your ablities

Yes. Yes it does.

I'm looking for a mentor. In pursuit of this, I had a lunch with an old manager who is now an executive. When I told him about my problems, he emphasized that I was having a successful career, and that I was overlooking the amount of timing and luck that it takes to get to the next level. My career problems are my problems... one percenter first world problems.

Bangalore is Bangalore. Part gorgeous. Part smoggy third world. The first day went well even with the jet lag and lack of sleep.

I am working in Bangalore next week. Its a 22 hour flight. I leave Saturday afternoon and arrive Monday at 4am. 

I enjoy the flight, even if it is long. I am flying business class... nice seat, lounge access, decent food amd drink

I'll use the time to catch up on reading and paperwork.

I won't enjoy the jet lag. Bangalore is 13.5 hours ahead of us. I'll be jet lagged the whole week there and the following week upon my return.

Jet setter problems.

"Get a shot " Tommy says. It's good advice.

I went to the Dr. last week for my annual checkup.

When he heard that I am traveling to India in November (for work) he updated my vaccines as well as giving me my flu shot.

He also gave me a prescription to prevent malaria. I don' think I'm going to take it though. I'll be in Bangalore in November. Bangalore is a very modern city. November is the dry season. Still, he insisted I take it.

A few days later he called me with my numbers. My cholesterol has gone through the roof! Now I am 10lbs heaver than the last time I had my cholesterol checked (2014) but, I'm exercising just as much as back then.

He is giving me six months to loose weight, change my diet and get my numbers back on track. After that we will discuss going on a statin.

Sigh.

It's been a quiet week. Getting to know the new boss.

The husband and I have been a little under the weather with a cold that's going around.

I had a private lunch with the old boss. He chewed over what happened-- where he went wrong, and why he didn't put two and two together.

Some of this applies to me.

Our boss's boss believes in an "Up or Out" style of organization. No one should stay put in their job for years. There is either a line-of-sight to promotion, or you are being managed out.

There are a couple of people on my team who are long length in level. They are not doing a bad job, but they are not growing. No line-of-site to their promotion. My boss's boss is wondering why I'm not either managing them out, or coaching them to shine.

I must make one or the other happen. Sooner rather than later, or I am not doing my job.

The other problem is that I too am long length in level. The boss's boss thinks I may be plateaued. Eventually the same evaluation will apply to me.

The husband has been traveling for a week. I've been dealing with work and taking care of the pets.

Monday, I left a bag of pepperoni sticks on the kitchen counter. The dog ate half of them and got very sick. When I came home from work, our house smelt bad. The dog had diarrhea on the floor. Thankfully, the dog didn't shit on the carpet. She chose a room with a tiled floor that has the kitty litter box.

I spent hours cleaning up and trying to get rid of the smell. I could just imagine how the husband would react should the place smell like shit when he returns home.

Monday overnight I walked the dog every hour or two.

Tuesday, I had the dog walker walk her extra.

Tuesday night I walked the dog every two or three hours.

Wednesday morning I was exhausted. Fortunately, the dog started to go back to normal.

The husband returns home tonight. I hope the smell is gone and that I just haven't got used to it.

We had drinks with the ex-Boss. He said his boss told him the same story that I had been told-- that his position had been up leveled. That he was no longer qualified for the job.

Even for him it happened quickly. He walked into his regular meeting with his boss. HR was there. They had the talk. He was told he could have the rest of the day off. No prior warning. No recourse.

One of my coworkers has been working the grapevine for reviews on the new boss. So far the gossip is good.

And just like that, my old boss is out. It's shocking really. 

The offical story is that his position was upleveled. That our devisions business is growing with such importantce that we need a revolutionary step forward in leadership. That we don't have time to allow the old leader to grow.

I've met the new boss. He is open and curious  He fully admits to not being part of the decision process, and doesn't know what really transpired.

First, my boss suddenly left for the day. He canceled his appointments for tomorrow.

Second, HR and my boss's boss schedule.a short meeting with my boss's directs. first thing tomorrow morning.

Third, my boss schedules after work drinks with his directs tomorrow evening.

 

BD has been an acquaintance of the husband for years. They have known each other through the rooms of AA. They have worked on a few events together. BD retired a month ago and was planning much travel.

Then BD developed indigestion that that wouldn't go away. He went to the doctor. After much scanning BD discovered that he had pancreatic cancer.

He has about six months to live.

BD is sorting though his life now. His old sponsor has moved back to Seattle to help take care.

We will stay in touch as BD concludes his journey.  

The value of life changes so much when you learn you have limited time.

The new job is not to happen. I got the call from them today. The HR rep said they were looking for someone with a little strong management experience. A little stronger technically.

It smarts.

Having said that, the company released very bad news today. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.

Fall is here. It transitioned very quickly. One week we were complaining about the heat and the smoke. The next it's cool and rainy. Seattle normal.

I had the job interview last week. Last Friday. I think it went very well. 

It was a grueling process. Six interviews over the course of the day.

The recruiter warned me before the interview that the deliberations will take time. One week for me to hear their early thoughts. Two weeks before the specifics of an offer.

The husband is away in New Orleans for a week. He is there for work. 

His employeer just announced that there will be a reorg with layoffs. He is anxious over that. He'll land on his feet. Even if he doesn't, it's not like my job doesn't pay enough for both our bills. He doesn't like to rely on that though. He is competative, income wise. 

I appreciate that.

We spent a long weekend on the Olympic Peninsula with an old friend of the husband’s. It rained all the time. Such is life a rain forest. In fact, they get over ten feet of rain in a year.

We toured the four National Park Lodges. I’m very surprised with how nice they are.

We hiked a bit. Saw a few of the largest trees in the world. Spent an afternoon playing cards and watching storms over the ocean. Soaked in the Sol Duc hot springs. Ate good food. Lovely.

We have been talking it easy this labor day weekend, this last weekend of summer. The weather is no longer hot. The smoke has gone away.

We've had dinner with a few friend and gone on a couple of hikes.

At work... I'm contemplating a change of jobs. I have an interview with a different company.

I've worked for my current company for over twenty years. Now, I'm questioning what I want from the last fifteen years of my career. I am in a very competitive position. Do I want to keep pushing here until I retire? If I switched to the other company, there would be more money. It is also a younger company. They are looking for managers with my experience. Or so they say.

So much haze from the forest fires. All day the sun is twilight red. The sky is gray. Cars parked outside get a dusting of ash. 

The air is thick with the smoke from the forest fires. You can see the haze with in feet

We went to an gay mens AA retreat this weekend. We have been to this retreat before. It's  worth attending just to stay at the lodge.

I ran into a very old acquaintance. Twenty-three years ago he was my boss at a small company in Toronto. We lost touch with each other years back, but there he was. It was great to hear from him again and to learn his story of recovery.

At the end of the weekend, the husband and I gave the acquaintance our numbers. We'd both love to stay in touch. Maybe have dinner with him. The acquaintance put our numbers in a swag bag, then packed his stuff into his car, leaving the swag bag behind.

Well... at least the acquaintance knows our mutual friends. We'll  see if he reaches out. 

We went to Erasure the other night. I haven't been to a concert in years. I bought the tickets months ago for the husbands birthday. I spent a small fortune on mediocre tickets.

The husband really loves Erasure.

Erasure did put on a good show. The theater, however, had no air conditioning. During the day Seattle hit 90F. I don't know how hot it was inside the theater with hundreds of people and not air flow.

We left two thirds of the way though because of the heat.

When the husband found out how much I spent on the tickets he said he was very thankful for the gift, but next time let's make this a 'we' decision. 

We are in Coeur d'Alene Idaho for the weekend. The husband is working. The dog and I tagged along. 

This place is nice. There are good parks that the dog and i will explore soon.

Last January, the sponsee crashed at our place after getting kicked out of his house and spending all his money on meth and gambling. We checked him into a six month program at Salvation Army. About half way though his treatment he cut off contact with us. We are not sure why.

He is out now. We hear he has a job at the SA.

For over a month I've been waking up around five am no matter the time I go to bed. It may be the light. It may be the road noise. Who knows.

I've stopped fighting it. I now go to bed at nine pm.

The two extra hours in the morning are changing my life. I never used to do much after nine pm-- watch TV, relax. With the extra time in the morning I exercise, read more and plan for the day.

We are back. It was a fun, but full week.

After spending time with my brothers and parents we had dinner with a few cousins.

I haven't talked to these cousins in years, but we had a great time together. Since I live far away from my cousins, I've never had to tell them I was gay. It was easy for me to avoid them. This is changing with Steven. Steven is friends with everyone and wants to meet my family.

For the most part, I think my cousins couldn't care less that I'm gay. Steven noticed that they didn't ask deeper relationship questions, like how we met. I'm giving them a pass on that. We haven't talked in 20 years. You have to save some conversation for the next time we meet.

We spent a day and a half in Kingston. It's a beautiful older city-- two hundred and fifty years old. It has an old fort built for the War of 1812. The fort is well preserved and has reenactments of 250 year old military operations.

Then we went on to Toronto and caught up with my old college friends. We spent Friday at Wonderland-- an amusement and water park. It was a lot of fun but exhausting.

Saturday night we had a large get together BBQ. 

Many of my Ontario friends have kids who are now turning 18 or 19 and are close to leaving home. Some of the kids are up to the challenge. They are excited about taking on the world. Some still haven't figured out what they want to do. They have problems keeping commitments. This is stressing some of my friends out.

My cousin's kids are a great example. Their daughter is excited about being an event planner. She wants to make things happen and works hard to succeed. She is planning a summer festival for their city and loves challenge.

My cousin's son on the other hand isn't sure what he wants to do, so he's got a part time job mowing grass for the city. He'll use the time to figure things out-- or so my cousins hope.

The husband and I are up near Ottawa visiting my family. Both by brothers and their kids are in town.

Until this trip, I've visited my parents rather tactically-- get in, spend a few days, leave.  I've never explored the place since I moved away 30 years ago.

I didn't have fond memories of my home town. It wasn't a bad place. It wasn't my place. Now that I'm playing tour guide to the husband, I see it through different eyes.

There are many small lakes with small beaches. The water is very swimmable. This is a big contrast t to Seattle where there are few large beaches and the water is on the cold side.

The rivers and the rapids are sight to behold. We spent an afternoon walking along some of the larger rapids.

The local cuisine is based on fries and gravy. There are fry trucks everywhere. Each selling their own variation of poutine. At restaurants you can order sandwiches "hot"-- with gravy. So a hot hamburger sandwich is a hamburger patty, between two slices of bread, smothered with gravy. It will come with a side of fries and gravy of course.

It's good to spend time with my brothers and their wives and kids. When I travel here alone, I feel obligated to spend a lot of time with my parents. There is no break. With the whole family around, it's easy to move from room to room, from conversation to conversation. Spend a little time with some of the wives, then chat with my parents, then chat with a brother, then hang out with the kids who will ignore me why they listen to music or play games.

Both my brothers have lippy know-it-all moments. I wonder where that came from. I wonder how much that is in me.

At the end of the day, I'm really enjoying myself here.

Last Sunday was our one year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had a great dinner at the Columbia Tower.

Here is to many years to come!