RO and I are have having some friends over for a BBQ-- a few of the couples in the area. One of the couples are actually a threesome. S&D are usually a twosome, but they would rather be a threesome. Every now and then they will add a third to their relationship. After a few months, it stops working and they will dump the third.

This makes for weird conversation. "S&D are single again. Well, no, they are a couple again. Well, I mean the third guy moved out." Should you feel sad for a threesome that has become a twosome? Should you tell them to grow up?

There are threesomes where there is a core couple that adopts a third. Then, there are threesomes that end when the original couple splits up, one staying on with the third, the other getting the boot.

This raises the possibility of a "perpetual relationship" that lasts longer than any of its husbands. For example-- Alan, Bob and Colin are a threesome. Eventually Alan cheats on Bob and Colin and leaves the relationship. Distraught, Bob and Colin go out drinking. They meet Dave, shack up and get married. Bob eventually gets bored and dumps Colin and Dave. To comfort them selves for their loss, they shopping. At the mall Colin and Dave meet Ernie, fall in love and become a threesome. Colin dies a tragic death. At his funeral Dave and Ernie meet Frank. Frank is so caring and loving but also has no common sense. Within a month, Dave, Ernie and Frank are husbands.

At this point Dave, Ernie and Frank are in a relationship that was started by Alan, Bob and Colin. It's very strange. Could it happen?

This could also happen with a harem-style relationship that guys marry into or divorce out of over the years.

This makes marriage sound like a club with secret initiation rituals.

The whole concept of a romantic/emotional relationship with more than one guy is very difficult for me to grasp. When you start balancing someone's emotional needs against another's, when you put yourself in situation where your partner may put the emotional needs of a third ahead of yours, then it stops being a real romantic relationship-- at least in my eyes. A relationship between two people is a lot of work. Adding thirds and fourths just sounds like a recipe for disaster-- unless you take your heart out of the equation. At that point the relationship is really just a convenience. The sex may be nice, but you are really just hanging out with friends with benefits. You may think that your heart is open and loving of all. But really you are being selfish. You are being polite and friendly. But your heart isn't really in the relationship-- it's staying with you. You are neglecting every one equally and you aren't allow your heart to fully attach to any one person.