Tommy commented... "Downsizing does give you a breath of fresh air, and tends to make u ask yourself "do you really need that second shovel or this 30 pair of socks...."


We have so many socks... Downsizing may be good for my soul.

There is another troll in the neighborhood, and hints of fall are visible in the trees.

Five trolls created by the artist Thomas Dambo can be found in the Seattle area.

The weekend was quiet. On Saturday, we had lunch with my cranky mother-in-law, who tends to complain loudly about various aspects of her life. She often expresses dissatisfaction with the food at her retirement home, although it’s unclear whether her complaints are entirely justified. These unresolved issues contribute to a growing bucket of resentments over time. Her eyes lit up as she told us about another unresolved issue and how she was going to complain even louder.

In the afternoon, we explored West Seattle, a neighborhood we’re considering for retirement. It offers stunning views, a welcoming environment for the LGBTQ+ community, ample shopping opportunities, and proximity to friends.

Currently, we reside in a fantastic home in a great suburban neighborhood. While we enjoy being next to a large park, we must drive to go shopping or visit friends. If we move to West Seattle, we’ll need to downsize to a smaller house with less parking.

I’ve come to accept that I have one-percenter problems.

After our West Seattle tour, we had dinner with our friend Tap. We discussed our situation with him, and he advised us to give up space and move somewhere smaller. Tap recently downsized from a larger house to a smaller condo and has no regrets. The change has provided him with more free time.

On Sunday afternoon, I cooked beef bourguignon—a fancy name for pot roast. In the evening, we hosted Evan and Allan for dinner, played games, enjoyed each other’s company, and savored the food.

Last week was hectic. At work, we had people in from all over the world for an on-site meeting. I've worked with many of these people for years, yet this was the first time we've met them in person.

Over the weekend the Husband and I spent the night at a pleasant little costal village. A friend of ours has owns a house there with an attached apartment that he rents out. The apartment was vacant, so we took the opportunity to spend the night.

At dinner there, we met the local gays. For a small town, there is a surprising number of gay couples. These locals, for years, have been recruiting other gay couples to move there-- especially couples who are nearing retirement. Housing is much more affordable. Shopping and services are surprisingly close. Nearby there is a high-speed ferry to downtown Seattle.

This did prompt the husband and I to have a good chat about where, when and how we want to retire.  We know that retirement is in our future, but we don't have a specific plan. Just a few concepts-- we want to travel, to live someplace nice, to retire with enough money to not worry about our finances, to have something meaningful to do with our time. 

 

We also have a new troll in the neighborhood. But that's all good.

This morning a bear dropped by. It rummaged through the garbage cans alongside our house and then vanished. 

The fact that it vanished is more unnerving than the fact we have a bear. An arborvitae hedge separates our house from our neighbors. I think I see a place where the bear may have pushed through. I'll discuss with the neighbors later. 

Summer is winding down. The weather has been fantastic though peak summer has passed. The shadows at noon are getting long. Its pleasantly cool over night and into the morning. Plants are drying out. The more fragile are withering. 

My parents seem to be doing well. They have enough support to get by, or at least enough that they are not complaining. I have a trip booked in October for my mother's 80th birthday. Hopefully all stays well till then.

G&J and their son, were in town for the weekend. G&J are two of my oldest friends. We went to university together and lived together for many years back then. 

The husband and I took them on a low key tour of some of Seattle's sights-- the Space Needle, the Chihuly Glass Museum, interesting neighborhoods.

We had many good conversations. Retirement and mortality are hot topics, especially since SG's death last month. SG's death has hit G hard. In fact G was with SG's wife when they took him off life support.

And then there is my mother-- she has had a second stroke. She is back in the hospital. She has lost most of the use of her right arm. This time, our family response is a little more muted. A little more "wait and see." 

With mom's first stroke we had this optimism that she would fully recover. All mom needed was some time and help from her family and friends. With this second stroke we realize that assisted living is in mom's future. Full recovery may never come. She and dad must make plans that respect this. 

Work is fairly intense this week. I've had to catch up on many issues that I didn't deal with over the past month.

Unexpectedly the husband had some friends in town. Originally they just had a layover at the Seatac airport, however their departure flight was delayed by hours, so we had the time to have lunch with them.

In the evening, the husband and I had our first date night in over a month. We went out and saw Barbie. What a great movie. This is the second movie we've watched in theaters since the pandemic started. I enjoyed Barbie in the theater. I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it less at home on our large TV.

  

I am back in Seattle after spending a month in Ontario. It feels good to be home and sleep in my own bed.

Our dog ignored me when we first opened the door. She was very excited to see my husband, but when she saw me, she looked and sniffed, then turned around and ran back to him.

I’ve gained ten pounds in the past month. It’s hard to say no to pie when your father places a piece in front of you after dinner. My dad is not open to conversations about a heart-healthy diet. He is seventy-nine years old and has lived this way for years. If he changed his diet and something went wrong, he would blame it on the new diet.

My brother has also left my parents’ home. I hope all goes well with my parents. My parents now have personal support workers, but as a cousin put it, my mother has dementia, diabetes, has survived cancer, and is recovering from a stroke. We want her to recover and will work and pray for that, but we must accept that major recovery would be a miracle.

Saturday was SG's celebration of life. It was well attended-- about 200 people. Somber. Sincere. Many friends gave heartfelt tributes. 

Afterwards, a few of us, including DM (the widow), gathered at a friend's house. It was good to unwind a bit. DM's closest friends have done much to support her. The Celebration of life took work to organize and carry off. It was good to spend a few hours with friends, just relaxing. 

We are in Toronto, hanging out with friends, including DM, the widow of my friend GS. 

DM seems to be doing well. Or as well as can be expected. There are moments when she is quiet and a little teary. But she is laughing again. She smiles and engages in conversations.

This morning over breakfast, we discussed her going back to work. Her job is very supportive of taking time off. She said she wants something to do with her time other than sit around and grieve. 

We will be in Toronto for the week leading up to GS's Celebration of Life. We have received requests from our circle of friends to spend time with GS's family - to listen, go for walks with them, and help them navigate the bureaucratic speed bumps they encountered while taking over GS's affairs. GS did not plan for his death, so there is no will or list of accounts or affairs that must be dealt with. GS wasn't hiding anything; he simply wasn't the best at keeping his books up to date.

On a happy note, Saturday marked a family reunion on my father's side. Relatives from all over the country gathered to celebrate and reconnect. At least fifty people attended, including my uncles, cousins, their spouses, kids, and grandkids.

I mostly recognize my uncles and first cousins, but I struggle to remember everyone else.

On Sunday, about half of us attended our old church, and afterward, we gathered at a cousin's house for lunch.

With all the cousins in town, this was the first time I've really thought through the details of my family tree. A few of us were chatting about the surprising connections. I made a quip, saying, "There is some interesting cross-pollination going on there."

A cousin laughed, nodded, and responded, "That's a great way of putting it."

There is no incest or marriage between cousins, but the number of double relationships was surprising and caused us to double-check. It's good that my generation moved away from home and stopped marrying from within the Church.

GS won't recover. He is brain dead. The family has decided to remove him from life support, and to proceed with organ donation.

It's all very sad. I am at a loss for words.

My brother and cousin have started repairing my parents wet basement. We think we've found the source of the leaks. 

Mom doesn't like the work and construction. She think's we are hiding something from her. Of course she can't remember anything from more than two minutes ago, so its best if we choose the doors and work behind her back. Which leads to more accusations that we are hiding something from her.

Personal aid workers are starting to show up for mom. We are carefully introducing them to mom since she is not comfortable around strangers. 

GS is still in intensive care. The doctors have communicated that, should GS live, he will require extensive care for the rest of his life. His wife and their kids are weighting the options. 

The doctor has shared that GS may not recover. M, his wife, has discussed this with their kids. Our old gang of friends is rallying around them, helping in any way they can, ensuring they have food and clean laundry, and taking care of their pets.

As for my parents-- my brother, cousin, and I continue to fix up their house. There is a lot of water seeping through the floor in one room of the basement, causing mold and rotting wood. We (mostly my brother) have torn out those walls and flooring to prevent the mold from spreading. We also bought a humidifier to dry that room out. Once it's dry, we'll decide how to rebuild it again. Dad has made it clear that we can't leave it unfinished.

Last night, a few of us went to see some community theater, and it was a good show with great music. However, Mom and Dad stayed home as Mom needs to go to bed early. She starts to forget where she is after about seven pm.

In AA they say "We share our experiences in a general way." I see the wisdom of this when I think about my mother. It's so easy for me to call out the many ways her mind and body are decaying. Yet, that's not what I want to do here. I don't want to be to be a chronicler of someone with dementia. 

I want to be positive and forward looking. Whatever that means in this situation.

My brother from Alberta and his wife have arrived arrived with their trailer. They will be here for at least two weeks. It's good to see them. This gives us a few more options for managing mom. One of us can hang with her while the rest of us work on the house or farm. There is some differed maintenance at their house.Nothing that a week of hard work won't fix.

Death Stalks You at Every Turn...

While I've been here, GS, a friend from college, had a massive heart attack while playing softball. He is recovering in the hospital. 

DLB, a high school friend, completed her chemo for breast cancer. She is recovering well.

These friends are both my age.

Mom's dementia has its quirks, mostly repeated behaviors. She is fond of pointing out when someone is loosing hair. She does regularly to dad. The husband shaves his head. When I show mom a picture with him, she will quickly point out his head.

For mom, everything needs a piece of paper under it. Glasses will be placed on napkins. She doesn't really think about it. She just does it. Then there is the way she handles receipts and junk-mail. These will accumulate under the cutting board in the kitchen and under her placemat at the dinner table.

Over the weekend I toured around the neighborhood. When I lived here as a teen, I kept to the farm, the local village and my schools. I should have explored more. This area can be beautiful. Oh well. It gives me a reason to explore more now. 

Things are going as expected considering mother's memory problems. She doesn't recall the stroke or spending a month in the hospital.

My mother gets frustrated and sad about losing control of her life. My father and I will discuss an upcoming appointment with her. At that point, my mother will interject, questioning who scheduled the appointment and why. She insists she feels fine and fails to understand the need to visit the doctor. If we explain that she had a stroke and that the appointment is a follow-up to her hospital stay, she sometimes becomes sad and introspective. Other times, she pushes back, claiming she doesn't remember.

Mom is home today, sitting comfortably in her chair. Our main challenge is to remind her to use her walker whenever she needs something. Left to her own devices, she tends to try walking unassisted, resulting in struggles and stumbling.

My parents' house is situated on a lovely little property, offering wonderful views. However, it also has corners that are a homeowner's nightmare.

While Dad knows how to keep the problems at bay, he has not been able to do so lately due to the amount of time that Mom needs.

After a heavy rain, the chimney flue needs to be cleaned out. Additionally, the floors in the cold storage room have become wet, and its lower walls have turned black. Moreover, the Internet becomes flaky during heavy rain.

During my stay here, we can consult with my cousins, some of whom are skilled contractors, to find solutions for these issues.

Yes, I am using AI on these posts. I can quickly dictate something, then the AI can edit my dictation into something that isn't rambling and running on.