BD has been an acquaintance of the husband for years. They have known each other through the rooms of AA. They have worked on a few events together. BD retired a month ago and was planning much travel.

Then BD developed indigestion that that wouldn't go away. He went to the doctor. After much scanning BD discovered that he had pancreatic cancer.

He has about six months to live.

BD is sorting though his life now. His old sponsor has moved back to Seattle to help take care.

We will stay in touch as BD concludes his journey.  

The value of life changes so much when you learn you have limited time.

The new job is not to happen. I got the call from them today. The HR rep said they were looking for someone with a little strong management experience. A little stronger technically.

It smarts.

Having said that, the company released very bad news today. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.

Fall is here. It transitioned very quickly. One week we were complaining about the heat and the smoke. The next it's cool and rainy. Seattle normal.

I had the job interview last week. Last Friday. I think it went very well. 

It was a grueling process. Six interviews over the course of the day.

The recruiter warned me before the interview that the deliberations will take time. One week for me to hear their early thoughts. Two weeks before the specifics of an offer.

The husband is away in New Orleans for a week. He is there for work. 

His employeer just announced that there will be a reorg with layoffs. He is anxious over that. He'll land on his feet. Even if he doesn't, it's not like my job doesn't pay enough for both our bills. He doesn't like to rely on that though. He is competative, income wise. 

I appreciate that.

We spent a long weekend on the Olympic Peninsula with an old friend of the husband’s. It rained all the time. Such is life a rain forest. In fact, they get over ten feet of rain in a year.

We toured the four National Park Lodges. I’m very surprised with how nice they are.

We hiked a bit. Saw a few of the largest trees in the world. Spent an afternoon playing cards and watching storms over the ocean. Soaked in the Sol Duc hot springs. Ate good food. Lovely.

We have been talking it easy this labor day weekend, this last weekend of summer. The weather is no longer hot. The smoke has gone away.

We've had dinner with a few friend and gone on a couple of hikes.

At work... I'm contemplating a change of jobs. I have an interview with a different company.

I've worked for my current company for over twenty years. Now, I'm questioning what I want from the last fifteen years of my career. I am in a very competitive position. Do I want to keep pushing here until I retire? If I switched to the other company, there would be more money. It is also a younger company. They are looking for managers with my experience. Or so they say.

So much haze from the forest fires. All day the sun is twilight red. The sky is gray. Cars parked outside get a dusting of ash. 

The air is thick with the smoke from the forest fires. You can see the haze with in feet

We went to an gay mens AA retreat this weekend. We have been to this retreat before. It's  worth attending just to stay at the lodge.

I ran into a very old acquaintance. Twenty-three years ago he was my boss at a small company in Toronto. We lost touch with each other years back, but there he was. It was great to hear from him again and to learn his story of recovery.

At the end of the weekend, the husband and I gave the acquaintance our numbers. We'd both love to stay in touch. Maybe have dinner with him. The acquaintance put our numbers in a swag bag, then packed his stuff into his car, leaving the swag bag behind.

Well... at least the acquaintance knows our mutual friends. We'll  see if he reaches out. 

We went to Erasure the other night. I haven't been to a concert in years. I bought the tickets months ago for the husbands birthday. I spent a small fortune on mediocre tickets.

The husband really loves Erasure.

Erasure did put on a good show. The theater, however, had no air conditioning. During the day Seattle hit 90F. I don't know how hot it was inside the theater with hundreds of people and not air flow.

We left two thirds of the way though because of the heat.

When the husband found out how much I spent on the tickets he said he was very thankful for the gift, but next time let's make this a 'we' decision. 

We are in Coeur d'Alene Idaho for the weekend. The husband is working. The dog and I tagged along. 

This place is nice. There are good parks that the dog and i will explore soon.

Last January, the sponsee crashed at our place after getting kicked out of his house and spending all his money on meth and gambling. We checked him into a six month program at Salvation Army. About half way though his treatment he cut off contact with us. We are not sure why.

He is out now. We hear he has a job at the SA.

For over a month I've been waking up around five am no matter the time I go to bed. It may be the light. It may be the road noise. Who knows.

I've stopped fighting it. I now go to bed at nine pm.

The two extra hours in the morning are changing my life. I never used to do much after nine pm-- watch TV, relax. With the extra time in the morning I exercise, read more and plan for the day.

We are back. It was a fun, but full week.

After spending time with my brothers and parents we had dinner with a few cousins.

I haven't talked to these cousins in years, but we had a great time together. Since I live far away from my cousins, I've never had to tell them I was gay. It was easy for me to avoid them. This is changing with Steven. Steven is friends with everyone and wants to meet my family.

For the most part, I think my cousins couldn't care less that I'm gay. Steven noticed that they didn't ask deeper relationship questions, like how we met. I'm giving them a pass on that. We haven't talked in 20 years. You have to save some conversation for the next time we meet.

We spent a day and a half in Kingston. It's a beautiful older city-- two hundred and fifty years old. It has an old fort built for the War of 1812. The fort is well preserved and has reenactments of 250 year old military operations.

Then we went on to Toronto and caught up with my old college friends. We spent Friday at Wonderland-- an amusement and water park. It was a lot of fun but exhausting.

Saturday night we had a large get together BBQ. 

Many of my Ontario friends have kids who are now turning 18 or 19 and are close to leaving home. Some of the kids are up to the challenge. They are excited about taking on the world. Some still haven't figured out what they want to do. They have problems keeping commitments. This is stressing some of my friends out.

My cousin's kids are a great example. Their daughter is excited about being an event planner. She wants to make things happen and works hard to succeed. She is planning a summer festival for their city and loves challenge.

My cousin's son on the other hand isn't sure what he wants to do, so he's got a part time job mowing grass for the city. He'll use the time to figure things out-- or so my cousins hope.

The husband and I are up near Ottawa visiting my family. Both by brothers and their kids are in town.

Until this trip, I've visited my parents rather tactically-- get in, spend a few days, leave.  I've never explored the place since I moved away 30 years ago.

I didn't have fond memories of my home town. It wasn't a bad place. It wasn't my place. Now that I'm playing tour guide to the husband, I see it through different eyes.

There are many small lakes with small beaches. The water is very swimmable. This is a big contrast t to Seattle where there are few large beaches and the water is on the cold side.

The rivers and the rapids are sight to behold. We spent an afternoon walking along some of the larger rapids.

The local cuisine is based on fries and gravy. There are fry trucks everywhere. Each selling their own variation of poutine. At restaurants you can order sandwiches "hot"-- with gravy. So a hot hamburger sandwich is a hamburger patty, between two slices of bread, smothered with gravy. It will come with a side of fries and gravy of course.

It's good to spend time with my brothers and their wives and kids. When I travel here alone, I feel obligated to spend a lot of time with my parents. There is no break. With the whole family around, it's easy to move from room to room, from conversation to conversation. Spend a little time with some of the wives, then chat with my parents, then chat with a brother, then hang out with the kids who will ignore me why they listen to music or play games.

Both my brothers have lippy know-it-all moments. I wonder where that came from. I wonder how much that is in me.

At the end of the day, I'm really enjoying myself here.

Last Sunday was our one year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had a great dinner at the Columbia Tower.

Here is to many years to come!

The echo's of the past. I was uninvited to a public event because my ex will be there...

Hi Barry,

When I sent out the invitations to the book event this Saturday, your email happened to still be in my address book. I would actually prefer it if you don't come, as we haven't seen or talked to each other in years. Frankly, I was shocked when you accepted. (But thank you. I do so appreciate the gesture of support and goodwill!) I know RO is hoping to come, as are several of his friends, and I'm afraid things might get really awkward there. And I get nervous enough in front of crowds to be able to handle that additional stress. 

I do hope you understand, and I'm so sorry for the mixup. 

All the best,

TL

Steven is soul searching. He feels his career is at a standstill. He wants to push on and achieve more, yet his thinks his history and his age are pushing against him. I'm by his side through this. I want him to push forward. He will be much happier working, achieving things.

I also want to see him succeed for myself. I soon will be at the age where my career will look like it's standing still relative to all the young whipper snappers. I need to see him pushing on.

We "parked" yesterday. We took a couple of outdoor loungers, some food and the dog, and headed out to a local park. The weather was perfect. 

We spent the weekend on the coast. At LongBearch WA. It was a spur of the moment trip. I loved it. 

I've never been to Long Beach before. That stretch of the coast is farthest away from Seattle. I've aways presumed it was just like the rest of the coast.

It's not. It's far more residential. The beach is miles long. There is a healthy tourist trade there. As well as weekend getaway cottages.

We walked on the beach for hours. Ate ice cream. Had wonderful food.  Watched the sun set.

We drove back and had dinner and card games with a few AA friends. All is well there. Thought the energy was low. Back to work blues?

Sunday evening, Steven's brother called with what he said was a hilarious story.

This brother is 60. He and Steve have long since accepted that their family is complicated. Mother had multiple husbands. Father had multiple wives. 

The brother had his DNA tested to learn more about his family ancestry. Yes, you know where this story is heading.

The results came back confusing. The test said he had much Central and South American DNA. His mother insisted his father was from Czechoslovakia.

So, the brother paid for the extended test. A test that named names. 

The test gave him the names of first cousins in Mexico. 

His mother came clean. Steven and his brother always knew their mother had lovers aside from her husbands. Apparently she had one more than they knew.

What the brother finds most funny is that his mother insists his father is Spanish. She can't even say the word Mexican. He is amused that his mother is uncomfortable having a Mexican American son. Having many kids by many fathers... she has made her peace with that. But his father is Spanish! 

On Thursday we flew from Vegas to Sacramento. Steven's parents are in Sacramento and we spent a few days with them.

Sacramento is a nice place. Not as bad as I had been lead to believe. It is a quiet city. You have to be able to entertain yourself, but it's not a boring city.

Steven's parents are divorced and in their eighties. They divorced 45 years ago and still haven't put the past behind them. Of course this stresses Steven out. He hates being in the middle.

The parents have mobility problems. We can't doo much with them. We can talk for a few hours, but that get's long in the tooth. Steven arranges errands so we can drive back and forth... buy donuts before breakfast, drop off a donut at dad's and chat a bit. Drive to mom's and drop off so more donuts. Have a full breakfast at mom's. Chat a bit. Drive back to dad's for lunch. And so on.

In July it's my turn. We are flying up to Ontario to visit my family. I'm trying to look through that experience with Steven's eyes.

More quotes from friends that I wish to remember...

From one older gay brother to another...
"That's very creative. Very Gay. You are femming up nicely in your old age. I was really worried for a while. Too butch."

From my mother in law...
"I may ask you too many questions. I am just so curious. I have friends who call me the lady with 100 questions. I just keep asking and asking. I really like to learn about people. Just last week and friend said "'those questions... how do you come up with them... they are so incisive!'"

We are here for a wedding-- Steven's cousins. They are a nice couple. Very fun loving and sane at the same time. She has said a few things that worry me-- she has had cancer three times. There is some sort of little bump on her kidney that she's not dealing with.

Of course, no matter where we go, we meet Steven's old friends. Not related to the wedding, an old coworker just happens to be in Vegas. The sister of a good friend of his just happens to be in Vegas.

A grade school friend of Steven's happened to be in Vegas. We had a short chat with her in the high roller lounge...

"I only use the high-roller area. I don't gamble with the general public."

"My husband is flying to Africa for three weeks. He is going to hunt. I'm not going with him. It's too dangerous for blond haired, blue eyed woman."

I try to not judge people. Sometimes people paint such vivid pictures of themselves in so few words that one can't help but form conclusions.