Traffic in Bangalore is a sight to behold. There are very few rules and almost no traffic enforcement. I think red lights are respected. Aside from that anything goes. The traffic flows like water with cars, pedestrians, bikes, motorcycles and auto-rickshaws all flowing between each other.

For pedestrians trying to cross the street, the secret is to just walk out and expect the cars to stop. Running or weaving between the cars is bad The drivers can't predict you. If you walk calmly in a straight line, then they can break or swerve.

Steven is getting good at this. The first evening we were here, when we wanted to cross the road, we waited a long time for a break in the traffic, then we dashed across. Now Steven just walks out when there is a little bit of a gap. The drivers adjust.

An Indian coworker informed me that only Bangalore works like this. In other cities that would get you run over.

While on the road one morning, we were talking with the driver about things to see. He pointed out a large market on the side of the highway and asked us if we wanted to see it. I think I said "That would be nice sometime." So the driver just stopped on the highway. He didn't pull over. He just stopped.

 

 

I remember years ago, a neighbor, who went to my church, toured India. He reported back that he was sick with the presence of Satan when he visited the temples.

 

I don't think it was Satan, but I know what was feeling. The heat, the exhaust, the floral smell (The flowers here have a very strong scent) and the jungle rot, can be noxious after a while. I must pace myself and drink plenty of water or I feel sick.

 

The temples are beautiful works of art. Long lines form for people to enter and commune with the local deity.

 

Steven and I didn't go into the temples. It feels disrespectful to be a tourist in another religions place of worship.

 

 

 

 

 

It is our last day in Bangalore. The past days have been busy. Today we are relaxing.

 

 

The hotel is gorgeous. Marble and art everywhere. They serve a wonderful international breakfast every morning. I pigged out the first few days.

 

 

We are getting ready for a trip—India! I'm going for work. Steven is coming along for vacation.

 

It's a long flight there. About 20 hours including a layover. Basically we get on the jet at 9am on Saturday night, then get off at 7pm Sunday. With the 12 hour time difference we loose half a day there.

 

We get the half a day on the way back. We leave Bangalore on Sunday evening and arrive back in Seattle on Monday morning.

 

I am a little jealous of Steven. I have to prepare half a dozen discussions. He gets to see the sights.

 

 

 

Steven's nieces were in town for a few days. Uncle Steven loves spoiling them.

 

We went to a drag show. It was fun to watch. Well danced, well performed.

 

There were no Judy Garland's, Marilyn Monroe's or Barbara Streisand's at the show. Cher was still popular. Now that I think about it, the same is true on "RuPaul's Drag Race" Has the current generation of  Drag Queens moved beyond Judy, Marilyn & Barbara?

 

Steven is napping now. I'm reading and writing in the sunlight. Today is one of the first nice days that we have had in a while—sun and warmth without the rain.

 

 

 

 

 

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We are in Seaside OR. It is sometimes gorgeous here. The wind is also strong and there are bouts of rain where it pelts you. 

I am here with a bunch of friends... C2 and queen J arranged the weekend. Many old stories are comming out.

I took Steven to the dentist—he got an implant and needed someone to pick him up as the procedure used anesthesia. At the end, he was a little tipsy, but not too bad. Or so I thought.

 

After we arrived home, the dog needed to pee. I took her for a short walk and was gone for five or ten minutes tops. When I got back, the oven was on full blast. Pizza, in the box, was reheating in there. An oiled skillet was on the stove. The skillet was smoking. Kelly was next to the stove making pancakes! He had already made the batter and was adding caramel chips.

 

I stepped in, turned off the oven and turned down the stove. He didn't seem to notice. He finished making his batter and then carefully made pancakes.

 

At about that time I realized he was having short term memory problems. He could focus on one thing, but if distracted, then trouble.

 

He finished his pancakes and covered them with syrup and powdered sugar. Then he ate them very very slowly. He really enjoyed himself. He carefully scrapped every last drop of syrup off the plate.

 

I put him to bed.

 

When we talked later on he didn't remember cooking. He remembered that he ate good pancakes. But didn't know the details.

 

 

Disney. We went to Disney for two days and spent the time with Steven's God children and their mother. The mother and Steven have been friends for 35 years now.

Steven's God kids were good kids. Fairly mature. Well behaved.

I had much fun at Disney. Though sometimes the lineups were crazy. There also seemed to be a lot of mechanical failures. We spent 90 minutes in the 'Cars' line, only to have the ride shut down shortly before we got on.

We walked 10 miles a day. Exhausting!

Just before we flew back, Steven said to me "Ok. You've passed. Now I will marry you." Yes!

I've accepted an offer on the house.

 

This all happened so quickly—it's a sellers market in Seattle. Wednesday afternoon the house went on the market. It had over a dozen showings by Thursday evening. Open house was Saturday and Sunday. The agent said people were through non-stop.

 

By Monday evening I had 3 offers. The agent said 2 more couples pulled out at the last minute. The two offers were from men who wanted to buy but were vetoed by there wives. She joked that around her office the house was known as the man cave as men loved it, but women didn't warm up to it.  

 

One of the offers was $110,000.00 over asking. It came with a few big contingencies and far out inspection and closing dates. The other two offers were for the same amount but waved inspection and came with no contingencies. I took the offer that had the strongest mortgage preapproval and the largest down payment.

 

Selling the house is a huge weight off my shoulders. It's the last connection to my ex. With the proceeds I can pay off my debts. I feel like I'm closing the door on a very dark time in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The house is up for sale. Some closure at long last. I am optimistic about its sale The market is strong. March is a popular month.

The house went on the market at 2pm. Five showings are scheduled for this evening.

I'm looking at some of the house photos on its MLS listing. The house looks unusually beautiful-- warmer, brighter & bigger than I remember. The photographer did a good job.

I am looking forward to selling the house. It was the last physical link between RO and I. Paying it's mortgage is a huge burden. Dealing with RO was a lot of stress. Soon this will be over.

Friends, friends of friends and emergencies…

 

L, a friend of Steven's came over for dinner last night. On the way over, her tire blew out—about two miles away from us.

 

We drove to L's car. The tire was completely shredded! Her spare tire was flat, so we waited for about an hour for the tow truck.

 

Of course, this being Sunday evening, no tire stores were open. L had her car towed to a tire store near us. Afterwards, we all drove back to our place and had a nice dinner.  We put L up in our spare guest room for the night.

 

Steven left very early in the morning for a flight—around 5am. Around 8am, L & I drove to the tire store where we learnt that it would be mid afternoon before they could replace her tire.

 

She placed the order and booked the service. I drove her back to our place and gave her a spare key.

 

This was one of those situations where I had to trust someone way more than I'd like. Steven knows L better than I do, so I let it slide.

 

I could tell L felt awkward about the whole situation. I'm glad we could help her though. I just don't want to offer help like that very often.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

Stevens's brother is on an alcoholic binge. Perhaps even trying to end his life. 

The brother, G, has had a very tumultuous year. Every month or two I hear a story of he has started a new job. A few weeks later l hear "he went on a huge binge and lost his job" 

This has happen four or five times in the past year. Last November he went into treatment, but left half way through. 

Twice in the past Steven has rescued him from this spiral. Not so this time.

G's son has advised Steven to not help. Stevens sponcer has advised the same. Their mother is not getting involved. All this is eating Steven up.

The house is coming a long. Last weekend I spent a thousand dollars on day laborers and a box truck. We got rid of all the garbage. This week contractors are going through to do repairs, maintenance, cleaning and gardening.

Getting rid of the garbage… There was so much stuff at the house that usable, but not quiet garbage. Glassware, old pots and pans. Old nick knacks. It was tempting to set stuff aside, but for what purpose? The house has been through multiple estate sales. The stuff that is left behind, is the stuff that no one wants.

 

The cat loves the dog's food. The dog loves the cat's food. Neither wants to eat their own. At least they won't starve.

 

 

 

The cat and the dog are adjusting to each other. They don't fight. They don't get along either.  The cat will growl at the dog from a distance. Hiss if the dog gets too close. Its not possible for them to pass by each other in the hall. They sit down and glare at each other.

Aside from that, it's going well. The cat is clean. He knows his litter box. He knows where his food is.

The dog stays out of the cat's food, though she will stare longingly at it from a distance.

I don't know how the cat was treated at RO's. Now he's very sedentary and solitary. They may just be par for the course for a ten your old cat. I bring him out and pet him. He will now come out of hiding when he sees me.

The dog… I don't know what the dog thinks. The dog just wants to play and play and play. Until she collapses from exhaustion. But, the cat, this thing that hisses at her, makes are a little wary. It's really the first time I've seen the dog just sit and stare at something.

 

 

Home…

 

 

The old house is messy. It looks neglected, but not damaged.
I brought the cat from my old house to the new townhouse. So far so good. The cat has used his litter box. The cat and the dog are mostly ignoring each other. I'm not sure the dog likes me paying attention to the cat. Promising start. We'll see how it goes over the next day or two.

Last night, for the first time in almost two years, I was at my house. Yo came with me to make sure there were no complications.

 

RO has left a lot of stuff behind. I'm not yet sure what his plans for it are. If I don't get a reasonable commitment from him, I'm going to throw it all out.

 

There is a fair amount of 'nice' stuff there. Old dish sets. Ornate candle sticks. Beaded jewelry. I almost feel bad for wanting to throw it out. At the same time, there are over a dozen ornate candle sticks there. I don't need them. It will take me too long to sell. Maybe I'll put all of this stuff up for free on Craigslist.

 

The house is a mess, but not damaged. It will be OK after I purge and clean it up.

 

RO left the cat at the house. He was very clear that I have to take over responsibility for the cat. I introduced my dog to the cat. They ignored each other. This is good.

 

RO texted and called me last night. He has not moved on. In fact, it was almost like it was the day after we broke up.

 

When he called, he just talked and sobbed and talked and sobbed. While he talked, I put my phone on 'speaker' and 'mute.' He went on for 25 minutes before he said good bye. He didn't ask questions. He didn't check that I was listening. He just vented. Strange. Am I complicit in his poor recovery by not giving him that feedback?

               

Steven flew to Toronto, and we spent a week hanging out with friends and seeing the sites. I greatly enjoyed myself. Steven too.

He was surprised by the size of the city. Toronto does sprawl. Seattle is pinched by the lakes and mountains so you can find the end of it. Toronto seems like it goes on forever.

We spent much time with my old friends. After almost 20 years in Seattle, many of my closest friends are still far away in Toronto.

The weather of course was cold in Toronto. And, weirdly, I started snoring there. I'm blaming the dry air and the hard bead. The snoring went away the day we returned to Seattle.

Last night we had dinner with Yo and the Angel. It was good to see them again. They also flew east to spend time with their families.

The new year has started. 2017. That's a big number. It was cold and snowy for the first week. Today its raining. The snow has washed away.

I haven't been paying as much attention to the News, Facebook and Twitter of late. I like it. It's so easily to get sucked into mindless novelty or drama. I hope I keep this habit up and use the time to stay in touch with friend s and to spend more time on things important to me. And no, reading someone's Facebook wall isn't keeping in touch with them.

We celebrated Allen's birthday Friday evening. He is part of the AA crowd. Afterwards, we went off to an AA meeting. At this meeting, an AlAnon meeting was being held in an adjacent room—AlAnon is the organization from friends and families of alcoholics. I attended that meeting. It was my second AlAnon meeting.

AlAnon meetings are very different than AA meetings. AlAnon meetings are attended by maybe half a dozen people. The AA meetings I've been to have easily had 50 to 100 people. Consequently, AlAnon is much more… intimate. You get to know everyone. You will see them next week.

I don't know if AlAnon or AA is more me. I have no disagreement with their goals or materials, I just don't hear my kind of stories there. Hearing my kind of story—I think that's AA speak. I am picking up on the AA vocabulary. From what I've observed from my AA friends, AA phrases start creeping into your daily life. They do have good ways of pointing out common problems. These phrases make it easy for AA members to spot each other when they meet.

And no, I don't think AA is a cult.

Steven has flown off to the East cost for work. He started a new job and is being trained this week. He's nervous, but he'll do well.