I took Steven to the dentist—he got an implant and needed someone to pick him up as the procedure used anesthesia. At the end, he was a little tipsy, but not too bad. Or so I thought.

 

After we arrived home, the dog needed to pee. I took her for a short walk and was gone for five or ten minutes tops. When I got back, the oven was on full blast. Pizza, in the box, was reheating in there. An oiled skillet was on the stove. The skillet was smoking. Kelly was next to the stove making pancakes! He had already made the batter and was adding caramel chips.

 

I stepped in, turned off the oven and turned down the stove. He didn't seem to notice. He finished making his batter and then carefully made pancakes.

 

At about that time I realized he was having short term memory problems. He could focus on one thing, but if distracted, then trouble.

 

He finished his pancakes and covered them with syrup and powdered sugar. Then he ate them very very slowly. He really enjoyed himself. He carefully scrapped every last drop of syrup off the plate.

 

I put him to bed.

 

When we talked later on he didn't remember cooking. He remembered that he ate good pancakes. But didn't know the details.

 

 

Disney. We went to Disney for two days and spent the time with Steven's God children and their mother. The mother and Steven have been friends for 35 years now.

Steven's God kids were good kids. Fairly mature. Well behaved.

I had much fun at Disney. Though sometimes the lineups were crazy. There also seemed to be a lot of mechanical failures. We spent 90 minutes in the 'Cars' line, only to have the ride shut down shortly before we got on.

We walked 10 miles a day. Exhausting!

Just before we flew back, Steven said to me "Ok. You've passed. Now I will marry you." Yes!

I've accepted an offer on the house.

 

This all happened so quickly—it's a sellers market in Seattle. Wednesday afternoon the house went on the market. It had over a dozen showings by Thursday evening. Open house was Saturday and Sunday. The agent said people were through non-stop.

 

By Monday evening I had 3 offers. The agent said 2 more couples pulled out at the last minute. The two offers were from men who wanted to buy but were vetoed by there wives. She joked that around her office the house was known as the man cave as men loved it, but women didn't warm up to it.  

 

One of the offers was $110,000.00 over asking. It came with a few big contingencies and far out inspection and closing dates. The other two offers were for the same amount but waved inspection and came with no contingencies. I took the offer that had the strongest mortgage preapproval and the largest down payment.

 

Selling the house is a huge weight off my shoulders. It's the last connection to my ex. With the proceeds I can pay off my debts. I feel like I'm closing the door on a very dark time in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The house is up for sale. Some closure at long last. I am optimistic about its sale The market is strong. March is a popular month.

The house went on the market at 2pm. Five showings are scheduled for this evening.

I'm looking at some of the house photos on its MLS listing. The house looks unusually beautiful-- warmer, brighter & bigger than I remember. The photographer did a good job.

I am looking forward to selling the house. It was the last physical link between RO and I. Paying it's mortgage is a huge burden. Dealing with RO was a lot of stress. Soon this will be over.

Friends, friends of friends and emergencies…

 

L, a friend of Steven's came over for dinner last night. On the way over, her tire blew out—about two miles away from us.

 

We drove to L's car. The tire was completely shredded! Her spare tire was flat, so we waited for about an hour for the tow truck.

 

Of course, this being Sunday evening, no tire stores were open. L had her car towed to a tire store near us. Afterwards, we all drove back to our place and had a nice dinner.  We put L up in our spare guest room for the night.

 

Steven left very early in the morning for a flight—around 5am. Around 8am, L & I drove to the tire store where we learnt that it would be mid afternoon before they could replace her tire.

 

She placed the order and booked the service. I drove her back to our place and gave her a spare key.

 

This was one of those situations where I had to trust someone way more than I'd like. Steven knows L better than I do, so I let it slide.

 

I could tell L felt awkward about the whole situation. I'm glad we could help her though. I just don't want to offer help like that very often.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

Stevens's brother is on an alcoholic binge. Perhaps even trying to end his life. 

The brother, G, has had a very tumultuous year. Every month or two I hear a story of he has started a new job. A few weeks later l hear "he went on a huge binge and lost his job" 

This has happen four or five times in the past year. Last November he went into treatment, but left half way through. 

Twice in the past Steven has rescued him from this spiral. Not so this time.

G's son has advised Steven to not help. Stevens sponcer has advised the same. Their mother is not getting involved. All this is eating Steven up.

The house is coming a long. Last weekend I spent a thousand dollars on day laborers and a box truck. We got rid of all the garbage. This week contractors are going through to do repairs, maintenance, cleaning and gardening.

Getting rid of the garbage… There was so much stuff at the house that usable, but not quiet garbage. Glassware, old pots and pans. Old nick knacks. It was tempting to set stuff aside, but for what purpose? The house has been through multiple estate sales. The stuff that is left behind, is the stuff that no one wants.

 

The cat loves the dog's food. The dog loves the cat's food. Neither wants to eat their own. At least they won't starve.

 

 

 

The cat and the dog are adjusting to each other. They don't fight. They don't get along either.  The cat will growl at the dog from a distance. Hiss if the dog gets too close. Its not possible for them to pass by each other in the hall. They sit down and glare at each other.

Aside from that, it's going well. The cat is clean. He knows his litter box. He knows where his food is.

The dog stays out of the cat's food, though she will stare longingly at it from a distance.

I don't know how the cat was treated at RO's. Now he's very sedentary and solitary. They may just be par for the course for a ten your old cat. I bring him out and pet him. He will now come out of hiding when he sees me.

The dog… I don't know what the dog thinks. The dog just wants to play and play and play. Until she collapses from exhaustion. But, the cat, this thing that hisses at her, makes are a little wary. It's really the first time I've seen the dog just sit and stare at something.

 

 

Home…

 

 

The old house is messy. It looks neglected, but not damaged.
I brought the cat from my old house to the new townhouse. So far so good. The cat has used his litter box. The cat and the dog are mostly ignoring each other. I'm not sure the dog likes me paying attention to the cat. Promising start. We'll see how it goes over the next day or two.

Last night, for the first time in almost two years, I was at my house. Yo came with me to make sure there were no complications.

 

RO has left a lot of stuff behind. I'm not yet sure what his plans for it are. If I don't get a reasonable commitment from him, I'm going to throw it all out.

 

There is a fair amount of 'nice' stuff there. Old dish sets. Ornate candle sticks. Beaded jewelry. I almost feel bad for wanting to throw it out. At the same time, there are over a dozen ornate candle sticks there. I don't need them. It will take me too long to sell. Maybe I'll put all of this stuff up for free on Craigslist.

 

The house is a mess, but not damaged. It will be OK after I purge and clean it up.

 

RO left the cat at the house. He was very clear that I have to take over responsibility for the cat. I introduced my dog to the cat. They ignored each other. This is good.

 

RO texted and called me last night. He has not moved on. In fact, it was almost like it was the day after we broke up.

 

When he called, he just talked and sobbed and talked and sobbed. While he talked, I put my phone on 'speaker' and 'mute.' He went on for 25 minutes before he said good bye. He didn't ask questions. He didn't check that I was listening. He just vented. Strange. Am I complicit in his poor recovery by not giving him that feedback?

               

Steven flew to Toronto, and we spent a week hanging out with friends and seeing the sites. I greatly enjoyed myself. Steven too.

He was surprised by the size of the city. Toronto does sprawl. Seattle is pinched by the lakes and mountains so you can find the end of it. Toronto seems like it goes on forever.

We spent much time with my old friends. After almost 20 years in Seattle, many of my closest friends are still far away in Toronto.

The weather of course was cold in Toronto. And, weirdly, I started snoring there. I'm blaming the dry air and the hard bead. The snoring went away the day we returned to Seattle.

Last night we had dinner with Yo and the Angel. It was good to see them again. They also flew east to spend time with their families.

The new year has started. 2017. That's a big number. It was cold and snowy for the first week. Today its raining. The snow has washed away.

I haven't been paying as much attention to the News, Facebook and Twitter of late. I like it. It's so easily to get sucked into mindless novelty or drama. I hope I keep this habit up and use the time to stay in touch with friend s and to spend more time on things important to me. And no, reading someone's Facebook wall isn't keeping in touch with them.

We celebrated Allen's birthday Friday evening. He is part of the AA crowd. Afterwards, we went off to an AA meeting. At this meeting, an AlAnon meeting was being held in an adjacent room—AlAnon is the organization from friends and families of alcoholics. I attended that meeting. It was my second AlAnon meeting.

AlAnon meetings are very different than AA meetings. AlAnon meetings are attended by maybe half a dozen people. The AA meetings I've been to have easily had 50 to 100 people. Consequently, AlAnon is much more… intimate. You get to know everyone. You will see them next week.

I don't know if AlAnon or AA is more me. I have no disagreement with their goals or materials, I just don't hear my kind of stories there. Hearing my kind of story—I think that's AA speak. I am picking up on the AA vocabulary. From what I've observed from my AA friends, AA phrases start creeping into your daily life. They do have good ways of pointing out common problems. These phrases make it easy for AA members to spot each other when they meet.

And no, I don't think AA is a cult.

Steven has flown off to the East cost for work. He started a new job and is being trained this week. He's nervous, but he'll do well.

Merry Christmas all.

I went to my childhood church this morning. I ran into a few others who make their annual pilgrimage up to this neck of the wood. The church, the whole region really, is dying of old age. Most of the youngsters move else where for jobs and other opportunities.

We spent the afternoon with by brother and a cousin who is wheel chair bound. A few months ago my brother moved in with a new woman. My mother has been over to visit a few times. But, apparently she never remembers that my brother is living with someone new. So there is always a little shock at the beginning when she puts two and two together again.

Father leverages this trick. If he and mom argue on a topic, he'll let it rest for a spell. Then he'll bring the topic up a different way. The second time around mom may be more receptive. He is not malicious with this. Just a little tricky.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home…

I've traveled to home to my parents for the holidays. It's a different world here. I like it. I like visiting here from time to time.

This really is the kind of place where people don't lock their doors. Where they leave their keys in their cars. Everyone stays in touch and keeps an eye out. Of course this means that everyone knows your comings and goings, but I digress…

My dad is going deaf. My mom is suffering from a bit of memory loss. When they talk they really have to take care that they understand and are understood least the conversation hop of the rails. Fortunately,  after fifty years of marriage, they are both up to the task.

Mom's memory loss bugs me. She is otherwise so healthy. Dad takes constantly watches over her. She gets lost so easily. She shuts down when anxious. She asks the same questions over and over again. My dad is so patient to help her though all of this.

What bugs me most about mom's situation is that if I take my flaws and quirks and exaggerate them to unhealthy levels, then I start to look like mom.

I also chatted with my aunt today. She's in a nice retirement home. Half of the retirement home has a view of the river. The other half has a view of the village. She was wondering if she should pay an extra $75 to get a view of the river. After she looked, her conclusion was that the river is boring. To quiet. She'd rather see people and cars coming and going.

Had lunch at the schnitzel place. As always, it was good.

One thing I like about Canada that they don't yet half is the States is portable credit card machines. When you want to pay, the waitress brings a little machine to you. You run your card though it and pay right there. Your card never leaves your hand. I see these all over the place around here.

Another cousin, his wife and family dropped by in the afternoon to wish us Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. Pleasant chat.

Am on my way home for the holidays. The trip has started off surprisingly well. I flew through the lines at the airport in record time.

 

It is the holiday season. So many parties. We were at four this past weekend. I'm actually having problems remembering them all.

There was dinner at Palermo with Steven's step daughter.

Then there did we go? I'm surprised I forgot.  It was Henkie's 50^th birthday party. Henkie is interesting character. She's a beautiful woman who married rich. Her friends are largely the same. As a testament to her character though, she keeps in touch with her pre-rich friends and treats everyone wonderfully.

Sunday, there was the holiday open house on Whidbey island. Whidbey Island is a wonderful place. Steven and I talked about retiring there.

Sunday evening was Bay's birthday party at Purple.

So much food. I've gained five pounds.

 

Sometimes when I write, so much pointless snark and gotcha comes out. I end up with this conflict between my thoughts and feelings in the moment, and the kind of person I want to be. I suppose this is an age old problem.

 

One day it's Trump. The next it's work. Or my Ex. The list goes on.

 

My Ex is almost out of my house. He has a new place to live. He is having problems affording the move. I offered to pay for moves.

 

My Ex is still heart broken. He is exhausted. He works way too much for too little return. He is a big dreamer who has seen his dreams collapse. There is sticking with it through adversity. And then there is ignoring reality and refusing to pick up the pieces to start over again. He is in the later state.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steven has started a new job. This week he is on the east cost for training.

 

 

Some selected text messages from him…

 

"First day… OMG! The passwords! The passwords!"

 

"my company owns a winery!"

 

"my company just announced a major reorganization. Oh boy! Not sure I will have the same manager or team."

 

 

 

 

 

The snow has come. The rain has washed the snow away. Just another December in the PNW.

 

Lots of little stresses going around. Soon RO will leave my house. I'm giving him to the end of the year, then I evict.

 

At work there has been a lot of churn. On the plus side, I get to hire people and build the team I want.

 

Christmas is coming. Steven is flying up to TO with me. This is different RO never left the states, never met my friends in Cananda. Steven can't wait to do it. He loves to travel, to meet new people.