My friend Tommy seams to be going through something deep. I wish him well.

Steven and I are in Vegas for a few days. We are here for his cousin's wedding. After Vegas we are flying over to Sacramento to visit his parents.

Vegas is fun. Action packed. I think Steven and his brother love the energy, the people, the shows.

I enjoy Vegas very much, but I also need quiet time.

Much of Vegas is made to encourage to drink, to shop, to eat, to spend money. Our hotels rooms are nice. But not so nice that you'd want to lounge around in them for an evening. Even the air is a little stale. I don't know if all that was intentional, but I've had this same experience before.

When we turn our back, the dog has it's own separate life. When we look at her, when we are engaged with her, then she is very attentive. It's different when we turn around.

When we go to bed, she'll be curled up in her bed. When we wake up, she'll be curled up in her bed, but things will have changed. She'll have routed through the garbage. The cat food bowl will be scrupulously licked clean.

I wonder what she does when we leave her alone all day.

As I grow older, I'm still trying to understand my foibles. I'm mostly introverted, except…

I love having dinners with friends. I love cooking for friends. If I'm alone, I'll reheat leftovers. Friends—steak with a sauce that I've spent hour preparing. Home baked bread. The list goes on.

I love sleeping with Steven.

I like spending a few hours alone in the morning.

I enjoy hiking and running alone.

I like to spend evenings with Steven, and with Friends.

Sometimes I think I want to go on a long backpacking trip all by myself. Maybe I'll do that, just to see when I miss people the most.

 

 

 

 

Work. Home. Busyness.

Steven is away for a few days for work. That gives me some down time and it makes me the only one responsible for the dog. She is getting over diareaha, so there is that to keep in mind.

Work is challenging right now. The service my team provides is growing like crazy. Not all of my team members are up to that challenge. They are good people, but the demands have changed and they need to changte with it.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the right leader for them. Work is stressful. I try to tackle it with energy and enthusiasm, but sometimes people think I am too optomistic. 

Still, I will push on.

The weather has been gorgeous this weekend. If this continues, this summer will be a hot one.

Mothers day today. I called mom. She didn't want to talk much. I couldn't tell if something was on her mind, or if this was a further symptom of her memory failure— it's difficult to talk about the week if you don't remember the week. 

I still enjoy talking to her. 

We fly up in July to visit her. 

Happy Mother's Day. 

A townhouse across the street is up for sale for $950,000.00. This has got us talking about our long term plans. 

We had a good talk about our townhouse. The townhouse is nice in many ways, but great in none. The neighborhood is nice. The mortgage is affordable. The space is nice, though cramped in places. Close to shopping. Close to parks. A reasonable commute to work. A nice coffee shop is next door.

We'd like a back yard. A place to hang out. A place to put the dog so we don't have to walk her so often. We'd like a little more space to throw larger dinner parties. Those are tall orders around here. We are looking at $300,000 more than this townhouse to buy such a place.

$300,000 more is a lot. We could retire a few years early with that. We could buy a vacation property.

So we are going to live with the townhouse. Maybe do it up a little. Better closets. Better furniture. Did I mention that the townhouse is very nice?

Two weeks ago in Toronto there was a van attack. A man drove a van into a crowd and killed 10 people.

My friends G&J live 3 blocks away from it. Their son was across the street from the attack. He was at a fast food restaurant. His back was to the window. He didn't see the van attack. He did see the aftermath.

He called G&J to tell them of the attack. G asked him to leave immediately. He did so.

The place was very locked down for over a week. One interesting twist-- the police brought many therapy dogs there. Those going to see the scene of the attack were greeted by cute friendly dogs.

Steven's mother is doing OK. She had walking pneumonia and a high blood pressure spike. She is out of the hospital now.

I threw out my back. I was doing a new exercise, burpees, that are a wonderful full body exercise. Except they are also hard on the back.

At work things have gotten weird. Some background. I'm a manager. A peer of mine, M, is also a manager. Our boss's boss, F is new. F directly gave M a new responsibility, skipping over our boss and delegating direct to M. This new responsibility is tough and feels punitive.

M melted down. He left work for two days. He came back briefly on Friday to talk to his mentor. He left his mentor crying and went home again. Our boss also had to leave work. His blood pressure was high and he had a migraine.

Today M is back. M and our boss have been in and out of meetings all day.

I get it that F's ask is tough, but M's reaction did not help. F's authoritarian leadership isn't helping either.

I can only mind my own business and hope that it all works out.

Steven spent the weekend in Sacramento with his mother. She had a blood pressure spike and was hospitalized. She's OK and is out of the hospital now.

Steven spent much of the weekend working on his parents homes.(They are divorced). While they live independently, they are becoming feeble. The house maintenance isn't what it used to be.

I had a quiet Saturday. I caught up on many chores I haven't done in a while.

Sunday I exercised for the first time in a long time. I threw my back out. Advil and ice packs are helping. 

We are back from Seaside OR and the AA convention.

I really enjoy parts of the AA convention. Other parts just weren't for me. My AA friends there understood that too. There is a gap between us. They've done hard drugs. They struggle to stay sober. Sobriety just comes naturally to me.

I can see them battle. I can appreciate the effort they put into it. I can see them work hard for any trick that will make their day easier, that will mend their past wrongs, that will let them take one step forward.

When I listen to the speakers, their are always funny stories. I enjoy that very much. There is also the constant reminder that we must push ourselves every day to improve.

One thing that AA does well, is to make self-improvement a social thing. Through sponsors and sponsees. Through meetings. It's all free. You just have to do the work. We don't have a real model for that in my world, the secular world.

I attend Al Anon meetings-- meetings for friend and family of addicts. But I don't really have Al Anon problems. My husband is a great man. He has his shit together.

But, I do take a few lessons from Al Anon and AA. Then I will have one cocktail. Just one. Two will give me a headache and make me feel pasty. I will enjoy my one cocktail and have a good night's sleep knowing that my demons are elsewhere.

As C6 said, "If I could drink like you, I would drink like that all day."

BL's death is getting complicated. He has a lawyer written and registered will in Washington State. And, allegedly, a newer will, messily written on a cocktail napkin, in Florida.

Sides are being taken. Demands are being made.

SB, who is the executor of the Washington will, is in Florida trying to close down BL's estate. Part of me thinks he would be happy if the cocktail-napkin-will appeared and was legitimate. That would let him walk away from this mess.

Either way, SB is keeping a few people informed and copied on what's happening just in case things go wrong. The "Cocktail Napkin Crowd" are in interesting set of characters.

We are in Seaside OR for the weekend with QJ and C6. We enjoy traveling with them. We are down here for an AA convention though we are spending most of the time doing our own thing. 

C6 has troubling news. His transplanted heart is having troubles. We talked about it for a bit. He doesn't want to go through the surgeries again. He has decided that if his heart fails, then that is that. He is at peace with that choice. 

With BL's death, and now C6's news, Steven and I have been talking about how we want to die. No decisions yet. Just the start of a long conversation. 

BL died last night. Heart Attack.

I didn't know BL well, He was a friend of Steven's. They met through the AA crowd. We've had dinner together many times. He also did yard work on my house. He was a talented gardener.

BL led a very colorful life. He did porn in the 80's and used that as a pickup line ever since. He would have a hot new boyfriend a little more often than I could keep track of.

Steven cried a little when he heard about BL. He and a few of BL's other friends are at a meeting tonight, sharing their experience, strength and hopes together. 

Back to work this week. The cloud & gloom of Seattle have affected me the most. These are just first world problems.

Steven is contemplating his next move at work. The area that he's working on is shrinking. He, his coworkers, and his manager see that. It's just a matter of time before there is a re-org.

 

Good bye Trocones!

Trocones is wonderful. Quiet, but wonderful. We've rented a room with a bathroom and kitchen in a Villa on the Ocean. As luck would have it, we are the only people here for the week.

There is a budding tourist industry here, but nothing like PV or Cancun. Mostly there are bars and restaurants with different specialities.

"Try Puerto Relxio for happy hour."

"Albertos offers large tacos for lunch."

"Robertos has great steaks and takes credit card."

We've been talking to a few of the ex-pats, learning how they came here, what people do here, about the local crime.

There is some local crime. Mostly if you stay out of trouble, then it won't find you. If you behave yourself, then the locals will help since they like the money the ex-pats spendhere. Though, our neighbors did have thier car stolen. The police recovered the car. It took extra effort to get the car back from the police.

Steven and I are talking through how we want to spend our retirement years. Buying a place in Mexico is one possibility, though Steven has the travel bug and owning a place ties you down. 

Still, the ocean breezes here are wonderful. The locals call it "La Breeza."

We are in Trocones Mexico for a week of R&R. You've probably never heard of Trocones, nor sould you have. Trocones is a small village out side of Xtapa. The streets have no name, literally. Buildings, but not streets, have names. The local map has the name of each building. It also includes a listing of each residents name, phone number and email address.

We got very lucky during the trip down. Three things went wrong, each of which could have derailed our travel.

First, the alarms didn't go off. A funny thing happens when you set your cell phone alarm for 2:30am on the day time moves forward. Fortunatly the Lyft texted us when the driver arrived and the text wolk me up. We scrambled and made it to the airport on time.

We were delayed on the runway for about an hour due to mechanical difficulties.

We had a layover in LAX. Steven forgot a bag of his on the jet from Seattle. He had to go though security again to claim the bag. Fortunatly he made it back in time. We were the 2nd last people on the jet.

And now we are in Trocones. The villa here is beautiful. The ocean waves roar non stop. I brought some music to play, but the ocean is so peaceful, I'm not going to set that up. 

The restaurants are interesting. The furtniture is all white PVC. But the views...

I'm trying to stay disconnected from work, though we have a little internet access here. Soon I will post this update, then turn my cell off. 

Have a great week everyone. 

It's been a busy few weeks. Steven and I were down in San Fran last weekend, visiting old friends and seeing the sights. Steven grew up just south of San Fran so he has many friends there. We got to see the non-tourist side of SF. Things like have a great hike in the Oakland hills, or the good restaurants Alameda.

 

The sun returns. Monday was the first day since the fall where it was still light outside when I left work. This morning was the first morning since the fall where it was light outside when the morning alarm went off. These simple things cheer me up.

I still enjoy shopping for cameras. I've decided against buying though. Instead of taking and processing photos, I'm going to spend more time reading and writing.

Steven, C6, QJ and I went skiing this past weekend. We lucked out with the weather. We booked the trip about two months ago when the snow was heavy. Since then its been warmer and rainier than normal. Fortunately, the weather cleared and we had a good day.

C6 has a calm wisdom about him. Years ago when I first met him, was partying hard and doing steroids to beef up. He's since had a heart transplant and got sober. He is still living life to it's fullest, but in a very different, thoughtful way. 

Because of the transplant, C6's heart is not hooked up to his nervous system. This means that his brain can't tell his heart when to beat fast. The heart has to figure it out for itself. In practice, C6 can't just suddenly exert himself. He has to warm up for a few minutes until his heart realizes it needs to beat faster. Likewise when he stops pushing himself, his heart will beat fast for a few minutes. 

We snowboarded all day then relaxed in the hotels pool. All enjoyable. 

News on the Sponsee. Tonight Steven went to a recovery meeting with the sponsee tonight. The sponsee is doing well. When he first entered treatment, the sponsee was so white that he was nicknamed 'Powder.' He is now looking much healthier and is in better spirits.