I've been obsessing, a little, over the TV show Schitt's Creek. We started watching it because our other shows ended, and Schitt's Creek seemed like a lite, fun, low commitment program to watch until we found something better to watch.

Season 1 was just that. Then, over season 2 it starts to develop some weight. The kids start to rebel against their parents by becoming slightly less terrible people.

Then in Season 3 a nice gay romance starts up. And I love this story. This is weird, but for the first time in my life I understand why someone would love a rom-com. There is no HIV subplot. There is no political rights angle. There is no coming-out-of-the-closet angst. There are just two men getting to know each other. The only thing that stands between them is their own baggage.

The levity of it all is a social statement in and of itself. The writers have created a small town where gay men can have a romance, and no one objects. Sometimes they have questions. But no one objects.
  

We have accepted an offer on our townhouse. The buyer hasn't backed out. This is good.

At work, when people ask me "How are things?" I've taken to responding "The usual amount of crazy." I'm not sure how else to respond without coming across as "Not a team player." It's not just me either. Many other managers that I talk to are also overwhelmed.

And it's not just "Overwhelmed, but if I work hard I can get through it." It's "Overwhelmed and I don't know where to start on these problems unless I talk to many different people." We are all so tightly interdependent on each other that no one can make a move without coordinating with too many other teams. Of course this means that the Directors have to be tightly involved in all this coordination to ensure the right things are happening.

I spend a good chunk of my week preparing for the weekly Director and Executive reviews. My main hope is that by doing this, my team can actually do real work. 

Our townhouse has not sold yet. I've just lowered the price by $15,000

Work has been chaotic. People are starting on vacations. We finished annual planning

The beach in the Pacific North West is only decorative. So says a friend. The water is cold. There is a constant cool wind. You won’t lay out in the sun or swim on the ocean beaches in Washington and Oregon. But what gorgeous decoration!

Last January, not anticipating the drama we'd have with moving, we booked a house on the beach for my birthday.

So now we are on the coast this weekend, with friends. The weather is gorgeous today. There has been rain and wind as well.

"Tommy" said...

Those must be the big green utility boxes in most subdivisions here... most people plant some plants near them to hide them.

It's exactly that. 

We did get their deposit. $15,000.00. Who walks a way from $15,000? Our mortgage broker said that this is the first time in his 25 year career that he's seen someone walk away from a deposit.

Energy box...

I know a little more.

The energy box is an access vault that the local electrical company uses distribute and maintain the power to our row of townhouses. It's in the common area in front of our townhouse. The vault was tested, and is well within safety limits.

The couple that was going to buy our townhouse have children that have some sort of hemoglobin issue that requires an extra margin of safety.

Yes, the truth here feels very thin.

When we originally accept the couples offer, we had a backup offer. Though that offer has expired, our agent thinks it came from a growing land lord that wants to buy multiple properties. The land lord may still be interested.

Old Townhouse

We planned to close on the sale old townhouse today. I was at the title office signing papers. The husband called me, very angry, and asking me to take him seriously. What he was about to tell me was not a joke.

At the final walk through the couple purchasing our home decided that there was a bad energy box too near the home. The bad energy wouldn't affect them, but they didn't want to raise their kids near it.

I have no idea what a bad energy box is. We are scrambling to figure out what to do. Worst case we will have to restage it and resale.

We should be able to keep their deposit. Restaging & reselling the house is a lot of work.

New house

The house sale closed today. We got the keys in the late afternoon. Carpet cleaners and handyman are running through it now. 

We are both very excited about her new home

Two days ago, on our walk-through, the house was in a mess. The previous owner had not cleaned or repaired the walls after taking down a lot art. It was a little frustrating to see our new house and such and unkempt state. But, elbow grease and good cleaners solve a lot of problems.

BD passed away yesterday. Last fall BD was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He went through chemo, but it was not successful.

The husband has been doing well. His gut has been behaving normally for over week.

We have sold our townhouse. We priced it right. It was a fast sale... open house last Saturday. We accepted a full price offer on Saturday night.

We close on our new house on Monday.

So much is happening now. We are buying a new house and selling our old. For some time we've been working with a real-estate agent to find a new house. We had a long list of criteria for the new house, so most months we wouldn't hear from him.

Then we did. It's a nice house in our neighborhood. It's about a ten minute walk away from where we currently live.

The husband is still off work. He's been using his time to prep our existing townhouse for sale. Because of this he hasn't been able to rest as much as he needs. He's not healing as fast as I'd hope.

Or maybe, his return to full health would be a long slog anyways. He has good days, and bad days. Good hours and bad hours.

My worry for him has increased. A month ago he was nicely recovering. Then he plateaued. He'd be fine for a few days. Then he'd experience a setback.

He continues to work with the doctors. 

I was in Nairobi Kenya for work, visiting our Nairobi office. I've also done a bit of site seeing...

Nairobi national park is right next to the city.

I've been to India a few times, so I'm used to the modern 3rd world experience. The international hotels in India, and our hotel in Nairobi were very similar. They both offer a 1st world bubble within their respective cities.

I was driving with a Nairobian coworker. We got into a small fender bender while merging in slow congested traffic. This happened right in front of a police officer. The first thing the policeman asked was "How much money do you have?" My coworker and the policeman negotiated a price.

Afterwards, the driver of the car that we hit gave my coworker the feedback that he should have negotiated harder with the police. Police corruption and bribery is just an expected thing.

The team at the office is great. Very young, but very eager to learn. I'm finding it hard to have long engaging conversations with the Kenyans. They are naturally quiet.

The weather is gorgeous this weekend. Cherries are blooming. Everyone is out sunning

The husband has had a bit of a set back. He now has a C. Diff. infection. He will be OK, but we are currently going through toilet paper by the crate. 

For now, we are out enjoying the sun.

All is well here. The husband is still at home, but will return to work soon. His energy is improving everyday.

The husband will leave the hospital later today. 

More of the story.

The husband developed a fever and cramps the night before we flew back from our vacation. We first thought it was the flu or food poisoning. The pain kept growing, so after we returned to Seattle, the husband immediately went to the hospital.

Quickly the doctors diagnosed the problem as diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is a condition where pouches develop in your lower intestine or colon and then these pouches get infected. It can be caused due to genetics (His mother also has it) It can also be caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. 

Saturday, they hooked the husband up to an antibiotic drip. Pain killers were kept to a minimum since many of them cause constipation. He was like this for three days. Constant fever and pain. Regular antibiotics.

Wednesday one of the diverticulitis pouches ruptured. The doctors decided to install two drains in him. Basically he now has two tubes exiting his stomach. Each tube has a vacuum bulb that slowly sucks out the infection. They are called JP drains if you want to check them out. 

The husband lovingly calls these two drains Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Within a day of the drain installation, the husband started getting better. His fever was gone within 24 hours. The pain subsided. He would still get a few cramps. They became bearable. 

By Saturday his sense of humor returned. He is also much more spiritual about the whole situation. 

Just today he had his first sold food in over a week.

Earlier I mentioned that the husband calls his drains Thing 1 and Thing 2. He talks about them as if they are pets on a leash. His movements must now be very intentional. Thing 1 and Thing 2 must not get caught on anything, or trapped, or squeezed when he sits, stands or moves around.  

He will leave the hospital later today. We are still learning about long term care. For some time he will rest at home. He will be responsible for administering his own antibiotics, and cleaning Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

A friend is staying with for a while, so the husband won't be alone while I work.

The husband is in the hospital. Diverticulitis. I think he is doing OK. He sounds OK. They are running many tests on him, and probably won't let him out till Wednesday,

The husband, our friend Bailey and I spent a few days in Park City Utah, enjoying the mountains, skiing and snowboarding. The city its self is a nice place to hang.

We had 3 perfect days of weather.

It's almost back to normal here. There is still plenty of snow on the ground. The rain has cleared the roads. Outside there is constant trickling and dripping as the snow melts away. It sounds as if its raining, even if it isn't.

The husband has been away for a week at a national sales meeting. He, and his team have one a few awards. He is very excited by this. Congratulations sweetie!

The next snow storm is starting now. The weatherman got the timing right. Snow starting at 4pm. First a few flurries. Now getting thicker by the minute. 

We still have plenty of food. The grocery stores continue to run low, but not out. Seattle is having a luxury crisis. No one is dieing. We are looking after our neighbors. We sit and watch the snow with a nice cup of hot coco.

There is a winter storm watch starting this afternoon Even more snow is in the forecast for next week. Everyone is hunkering down. Some grocery stores are reporting shortages of the staples, though this is not wide spread.

The husband and I have plenty of food for us and the pets. We'll be OK for a few days though we may have to eat vegetarian if this lasts too long.

It wouldn't hurt us to eat vegetarian for a few days.

Work continues to be half staffed. Many schools and day cares are only open for a half day today. Parents are working from home.

Here in Seattle, we are having snow days. The schools have shut down. Work is half staffed.

In truth, there isn't that much snow. If Seattle were a city with real winter experience, then everything would be open. As it stands Seattle doesn't have the proper number of snow plows. Most cars don't have all season radial tires. And so, everyone is stuck at home.

At work, the Norwegians and Canadians are laughing at the state of affairs.

The husband's birthday approaches. This stresses him out. There are a few other things going on his life that don't help-- he isn't getting along with his new boss, he has a job interview on Monday. Such is life.

We both of a habit of over stuffing our lives. Between work, work travel, vacation travel, dinner parties and nights out, our time goes quickly.

A few nights off may be just want the Dr. orders.

We had a very social weekend.

Fried Chicken dinner with friends on Friday.

Saturday was a Birthday party for Yo at a nearby Casino. Their steakhouse is awesome.

Sunday was dinner with Clem & Bates. Catching up with them, their activities, their travels. They are not a couple that sits still. If they are not traveling, working or hosting a dinner party, then it's Lyft or Uber. Or music practice. So much activity.

We have been back in town for a few days. Today I'm back at work. and the husband's starts training for his new role at his employer.

We celebrated the 30 year work anniversary for a guy on my team.

Then today, my intern from last summer, joined my team as a full timer.

And so work for 2019 begins...

Yesterday we drove up to Kitchener/Waterloo. This is where I went to University. I also have some relatives there.

It was good to see the relatives. We had a nice chat about family, travel and the future.

We also walked around my old university. It's greatly grown since I attended. Many new high rise office and condos are now around it. 

A professor at the university won the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics. Banners celebrating this were all over campus.  

Currently, we are travelling back home.

This is our first vacation in a while where I've really enjoyed myself, and where I'm looking forward to returning home at the end. We had much fun in Toronto.

Toronto really embraces its winter. I guess it has to. Otherwise it would be a city filled with millions of depressed people. Every day Torontonians are out in the cold, skating, shopping, sledding, exploring. Wonderful.

Not that I'm ready to return to Toronto. I love Seattle and will stay there for many years to come. 

We are now in the lounge at the airport. Checkin and customs was the usual amount of frustration. Now we wait and travel and wait and travel.

We are at my friends G&J today for their  a New Years Day extravaganza. It's a large all day party. Food is served nonstop from breakfast till dusk.

Its been good to catch up with many of my friends here.

Many parents come with their kids. Some of the kids dislike hugging goodbye. Instead, a few of us have taken to saying "Firm Handshake" while giving the goodbye hug. 

I've been reaching out to old high school friends and having lunches with them. We've had a great time catching up. I haven't seen some of them in over 20 years. So many stories.

We are now in Toronto staying with friends. The husband and I have been exploring the city and socializing. 

Merry Christmas all.

The husband, one of my brothers and his family are visiting my parents. Its snowy and sunny. 

Eating too much chocolate today.

We spent Saturday with friends in Leavenworth. Leavenworth is a nearby tourist town that has adopted a Bavarian building code. During Christmas, it lights its self and its trees to the max. 

We at too much good German sausage there. 

It was cold. Snow was on the ground. None the less, we spent a couple hours on an outdoor patio to watch the tree lighting ceremony. 

So much job churn.

A peer of mine has left the company for a completitor. I can't say I'm suprised. He has been frustred by a few things, including the exodus of our former manager, and the reasons that lead up to that event.

Apparently this has been in the works for a while.

The guy they have on-tap to replace my former peer is very smart. He may not be suited for the role, but he is hard working, and will be able to learn. Part of my job will be to help him though this.

This next year will be interesting for me. WIth the up-leveling of my boss, and my new peer, the org could have much more hourse power than three months ago. It's my challenge to keep pace. Not get left behind. 

The husband is on the central coast in California. He is at his home town. By coincidence his work brought him there. The husband loves it. He hasn't been there since he was young. It's bringing back fond old memories.

The husband still has a job.

One third of his old team was laid off. In fact, the company laid off 200 people in total.

The husband has a new boss and new responsibilities. He has started training this week. Some of the wind has been knocked out of him though. He will need some time to gather his strength.

Thanksgiving is over. We've had a very social few days.

C2 flew into town and crashed for a few days at our place.

Then there was our straggler's Thanks giving, which went very well.

Clem & Bates came over for dinner last night. It's been too long since we caught up with them. They have been all over the place-- Morocco, Ireland.

This Wednesday, the husband will discover if he still has his job. His company is going through a big reorg. The details will be released Wednesday. Though a back channel,  he knows that he won't have a job under his current boss or boss's boss. 

I've been under the weather for the past few day. I picked up a cold somewhere between Bangalore and Dubai. I have quarantining myself to keep my friends and coworkers well.

We have already put up our Christmas tree & lights. We did it, in part to pick up the husband's spirits. His company is about to announce a large layoff. He does not yet know if he has a job. He does know hat he won't be reporting to his current boss. It has stressed him. We'll get through it.

At my work, its quiet with Thanksgiving coming up. Many people take the whole week off. The husband and I are hosting a stragglers Thanksgiving. Is that a Friendsgiving? Hmmm. Googling Friendsgiving shows me that a Friendsgiving is a potluck between friends the weekend before Thanksgiving. Which this is not. We are hosting friends, and acquaintances who have no local family. A straggler's Thanksgiving it is.

The husband is busy planning the meal. He has purchased a large honey baked ham, and is making desserts and deviled eggs. Our guests will bring the remainder.

I spent much of Saturday with AS. He is an old coworker, who also happened to be in Bangalore for other reasons. My company large presence in India. There are many reasons for the Americans to go to Bangalore without too much coordination.

We had breakfast together and then went shopping at a nearby mall. On our way out, the hotel security was concerned that we were walking. They wanted us to take a driver. We walked anyways. Both of us are used to the chaos that is Bangalore traffic. The mall was very Westernized, which is a little disappointing. There was some Indian men's clothing there. However, I am too tall for that. They don't carry my size.

I am substantially taller than most everyone on the streets. I get a lot of looks from that.


Currently I am on my way back home. My total travel time, door to door, will be about 32 hours. This gives me much time to reflect. To mull things over. To look for improvements.

One conclusion-- I don't spend enough time reflecting & improving. The day to day problem solving soak up all that time. In that respect, going to Bangalore was useful, just top pop me out of my routine. Thanks to the time difference, all things urgent had to be handled by my team. And they did a good job. I must continue to let them do so.

Another is that I don't connect with my network enough. Again, I'm hiding behind the day to day problems. Also, I have a tendency to isolate. Sometimes that's good, when I'm using downtime to recharge. But, sometimes I'm just goofing off, reading social media. I could use my time better. By reaching out to friends. By writing.

I also have a long track record of failed attempts at self-improvements. Recently I've become a bit better at forward planning. But, I still have a long way to go.

We shall see. 

If there is one design choice in India, that we should adopt in America, its providing s spray wand next to the toilet  It's super easy to keep the toilet clean. 

I am eating a lot of food that I just can't identify, even if the menu is in English.

I just trust that if the restaurant is clean, and crowded, then the food will be good.

Mostly I am not disappointed, though sometimes I have dishes that are way too spicy.

Bangalore is going well.

I had dinner with coworkers tonight. Food, drinks, dessert and tip at a high end restaurant cost us about $20.00 each.

Taxi was $5 for a 30 minute trip. Close to the hotel, traffic was so insane that I asked the driver to pull over and let me walk the last blocks. Of course he just stopped in the middle of the street, took my payment and let me out in the middle of traffic.

At my lunch with my old manager, he said a few things that struck a cord with me. I was talking about an coworker who left my team to work for his. I said "I miss her. I liked working with her."

My old manager snapped back "You don't have to miss her you know. You can talk to her anytime."

My old manager always had a tough-love attitude that I really respected.

Day two of Bangalore is starting. We are fleshing out a six month plan. That's always a lot of work, especially when I don't have a six month plan for my team.

> The entry speaks of a successful career.... !!!! and an employer who trust in your ablities

Yes. Yes it does.

I'm looking for a mentor. In pursuit of this, I had a lunch with an old manager who is now an executive. When I told him about my problems, he emphasized that I was having a successful career, and that I was overlooking the amount of timing and luck that it takes to get to the next level. My career problems are my problems... one percenter first world problems.

Bangalore is Bangalore. Part gorgeous. Part smoggy third world. The first day went well even with the jet lag and lack of sleep.

I am working in Bangalore next week. Its a 22 hour flight. I leave Saturday afternoon and arrive Monday at 4am. 

I enjoy the flight, even if it is long. I am flying business class... nice seat, lounge access, decent food amd drink

I'll use the time to catch up on reading and paperwork.

I won't enjoy the jet lag. Bangalore is 13.5 hours ahead of us. I'll be jet lagged the whole week there and the following week upon my return.

Jet setter problems.

"Get a shot " Tommy says. It's good advice.

I went to the Dr. last week for my annual checkup.

When he heard that I am traveling to India in November (for work) he updated my vaccines as well as giving me my flu shot.

He also gave me a prescription to prevent malaria. I don' think I'm going to take it though. I'll be in Bangalore in November. Bangalore is a very modern city. November is the dry season. Still, he insisted I take it.

A few days later he called me with my numbers. My cholesterol has gone through the roof! Now I am 10lbs heaver than the last time I had my cholesterol checked (2014) but, I'm exercising just as much as back then.

He is giving me six months to loose weight, change my diet and get my numbers back on track. After that we will discuss going on a statin.

Sigh.

It's been a quiet week. Getting to know the new boss.

The husband and I have been a little under the weather with a cold that's going around.

I had a private lunch with the old boss. He chewed over what happened-- where he went wrong, and why he didn't put two and two together.

Some of this applies to me.

Our boss's boss believes in an "Up or Out" style of organization. No one should stay put in their job for years. There is either a line-of-sight to promotion, or you are being managed out.

There are a couple of people on my team who are long length in level. They are not doing a bad job, but they are not growing. No line-of-site to their promotion. My boss's boss is wondering why I'm not either managing them out, or coaching them to shine.

I must make one or the other happen. Sooner rather than later, or I am not doing my job.

The other problem is that I too am long length in level. The boss's boss thinks I may be plateaued. Eventually the same evaluation will apply to me.

The husband has been traveling for a week. I've been dealing with work and taking care of the pets.

Monday, I left a bag of pepperoni sticks on the kitchen counter. The dog ate half of them and got very sick. When I came home from work, our house smelt bad. The dog had diarrhea on the floor. Thankfully, the dog didn't shit on the carpet. She chose a room with a tiled floor that has the kitty litter box.

I spent hours cleaning up and trying to get rid of the smell. I could just imagine how the husband would react should the place smell like shit when he returns home.

Monday overnight I walked the dog every hour or two.

Tuesday, I had the dog walker walk her extra.

Tuesday night I walked the dog every two or three hours.

Wednesday morning I was exhausted. Fortunately, the dog started to go back to normal.

The husband returns home tonight. I hope the smell is gone and that I just haven't got used to it.

We had drinks with the ex-Boss. He said his boss told him the same story that I had been told-- that his position had been up leveled. That he was no longer qualified for the job.

Even for him it happened quickly. He walked into his regular meeting with his boss. HR was there. They had the talk. He was told he could have the rest of the day off. No prior warning. No recourse.

One of my coworkers has been working the grapevine for reviews on the new boss. So far the gossip is good.

And just like that, my old boss is out. It's shocking really. 

The offical story is that his position was upleveled. That our devisions business is growing with such importantce that we need a revolutionary step forward in leadership. That we don't have time to allow the old leader to grow.

I've met the new boss. He is open and curious  He fully admits to not being part of the decision process, and doesn't know what really transpired.

First, my boss suddenly left for the day. He canceled his appointments for tomorrow.

Second, HR and my boss's boss schedule.a short meeting with my boss's directs. first thing tomorrow morning.

Third, my boss schedules after work drinks with his directs tomorrow evening.

 

BD has been an acquaintance of the husband for years. They have known each other through the rooms of AA. They have worked on a few events together. BD retired a month ago and was planning much travel.

Then BD developed indigestion that that wouldn't go away. He went to the doctor. After much scanning BD discovered that he had pancreatic cancer.

He has about six months to live.

BD is sorting though his life now. His old sponsor has moved back to Seattle to help take care.

We will stay in touch as BD concludes his journey.  

The value of life changes so much when you learn you have limited time.

The new job is not to happen. I got the call from them today. The HR rep said they were looking for someone with a little strong management experience. A little stronger technically.

It smarts.

Having said that, the company released very bad news today. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.

Fall is here. It transitioned very quickly. One week we were complaining about the heat and the smoke. The next it's cool and rainy. Seattle normal.

I had the job interview last week. Last Friday. I think it went very well. 

It was a grueling process. Six interviews over the course of the day.

The recruiter warned me before the interview that the deliberations will take time. One week for me to hear their early thoughts. Two weeks before the specifics of an offer.

The husband is away in New Orleans for a week. He is there for work. 

His employeer just announced that there will be a reorg with layoffs. He is anxious over that. He'll land on his feet. Even if he doesn't, it's not like my job doesn't pay enough for both our bills. He doesn't like to rely on that though. He is competative, income wise. 

I appreciate that.

We spent a long weekend on the Olympic Peninsula with an old friend of the husband’s. It rained all the time. Such is life a rain forest. In fact, they get over ten feet of rain in a year.

We toured the four National Park Lodges. I’m very surprised with how nice they are.

We hiked a bit. Saw a few of the largest trees in the world. Spent an afternoon playing cards and watching storms over the ocean. Soaked in the Sol Duc hot springs. Ate good food. Lovely.

We have been talking it easy this labor day weekend, this last weekend of summer. The weather is no longer hot. The smoke has gone away.

We've had dinner with a few friend and gone on a couple of hikes.

At work... I'm contemplating a change of jobs. I have an interview with a different company.

I've worked for my current company for over twenty years. Now, I'm questioning what I want from the last fifteen years of my career. I am in a very competitive position. Do I want to keep pushing here until I retire? If I switched to the other company, there would be more money. It is also a younger company. They are looking for managers with my experience. Or so they say.

So much haze from the forest fires. All day the sun is twilight red. The sky is gray. Cars parked outside get a dusting of ash. 

The air is thick with the smoke from the forest fires. You can see the haze with in feet

We went to an gay mens AA retreat this weekend. We have been to this retreat before. It's  worth attending just to stay at the lodge.

I ran into a very old acquaintance. Twenty-three years ago he was my boss at a small company in Toronto. We lost touch with each other years back, but there he was. It was great to hear from him again and to learn his story of recovery.

At the end of the weekend, the husband and I gave the acquaintance our numbers. We'd both love to stay in touch. Maybe have dinner with him. The acquaintance put our numbers in a swag bag, then packed his stuff into his car, leaving the swag bag behind.

Well... at least the acquaintance knows our mutual friends. We'll  see if he reaches out. 

We went to Erasure the other night. I haven't been to a concert in years. I bought the tickets months ago for the husbands birthday. I spent a small fortune on mediocre tickets.

The husband really loves Erasure.

Erasure did put on a good show. The theater, however, had no air conditioning. During the day Seattle hit 90F. I don't know how hot it was inside the theater with hundreds of people and not air flow.

We left two thirds of the way though because of the heat.

When the husband found out how much I spent on the tickets he said he was very thankful for the gift, but next time let's make this a 'we' decision. 

We are in Coeur d'Alene Idaho for the weekend. The husband is working. The dog and I tagged along. 

This place is nice. There are good parks that the dog and i will explore soon.

Last January, the sponsee crashed at our place after getting kicked out of his house and spending all his money on meth and gambling. We checked him into a six month program at Salvation Army. About half way though his treatment he cut off contact with us. We are not sure why.

He is out now. We hear he has a job at the SA.

For over a month I've been waking up around five am no matter the time I go to bed. It may be the light. It may be the road noise. Who knows.

I've stopped fighting it. I now go to bed at nine pm.

The two extra hours in the morning are changing my life. I never used to do much after nine pm-- watch TV, relax. With the extra time in the morning I exercise, read more and plan for the day.

We are back. It was a fun, but full week.

After spending time with my brothers and parents we had dinner with a few cousins.

I haven't talked to these cousins in years, but we had a great time together. Since I live far away from my cousins, I've never had to tell them I was gay. It was easy for me to avoid them. This is changing with Steven. Steven is friends with everyone and wants to meet my family.

For the most part, I think my cousins couldn't care less that I'm gay. Steven noticed that they didn't ask deeper relationship questions, like how we met. I'm giving them a pass on that. We haven't talked in 20 years. You have to save some conversation for the next time we meet.

We spent a day and a half in Kingston. It's a beautiful older city-- two hundred and fifty years old. It has an old fort built for the War of 1812. The fort is well preserved and has reenactments of 250 year old military operations.

Then we went on to Toronto and caught up with my old college friends. We spent Friday at Wonderland-- an amusement and water park. It was a lot of fun but exhausting.

Saturday night we had a large get together BBQ. 

Many of my Ontario friends have kids who are now turning 18 or 19 and are close to leaving home. Some of the kids are up to the challenge. They are excited about taking on the world. Some still haven't figured out what they want to do. They have problems keeping commitments. This is stressing some of my friends out.

My cousin's kids are a great example. Their daughter is excited about being an event planner. She wants to make things happen and works hard to succeed. She is planning a summer festival for their city and loves challenge.

My cousin's son on the other hand isn't sure what he wants to do, so he's got a part time job mowing grass for the city. He'll use the time to figure things out-- or so my cousins hope.

The husband and I are up near Ottawa visiting my family. Both by brothers and their kids are in town.

Until this trip, I've visited my parents rather tactically-- get in, spend a few days, leave.  I've never explored the place since I moved away 30 years ago.

I didn't have fond memories of my home town. It wasn't a bad place. It wasn't my place. Now that I'm playing tour guide to the husband, I see it through different eyes.

There are many small lakes with small beaches. The water is very swimmable. This is a big contrast t to Seattle where there are few large beaches and the water is on the cold side.

The rivers and the rapids are sight to behold. We spent an afternoon walking along some of the larger rapids.

The local cuisine is based on fries and gravy. There are fry trucks everywhere. Each selling their own variation of poutine. At restaurants you can order sandwiches "hot"-- with gravy. So a hot hamburger sandwich is a hamburger patty, between two slices of bread, smothered with gravy. It will come with a side of fries and gravy of course.

It's good to spend time with my brothers and their wives and kids. When I travel here alone, I feel obligated to spend a lot of time with my parents. There is no break. With the whole family around, it's easy to move from room to room, from conversation to conversation. Spend a little time with some of the wives, then chat with my parents, then chat with a brother, then hang out with the kids who will ignore me why they listen to music or play games.

Both my brothers have lippy know-it-all moments. I wonder where that came from. I wonder how much that is in me.

At the end of the day, I'm really enjoying myself here.

Last Sunday was our one year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had a great dinner at the Columbia Tower.

Here is to many years to come!

The echo's of the past. I was uninvited to a public event because my ex will be there...

Hi Barry,

When I sent out the invitations to the book event this Saturday, your email happened to still be in my address book. I would actually prefer it if you don't come, as we haven't seen or talked to each other in years. Frankly, I was shocked when you accepted. (But thank you. I do so appreciate the gesture of support and goodwill!) I know RO is hoping to come, as are several of his friends, and I'm afraid things might get really awkward there. And I get nervous enough in front of crowds to be able to handle that additional stress. 

I do hope you understand, and I'm so sorry for the mixup. 

All the best,

TL

Steven is soul searching. He feels his career is at a standstill. He wants to push on and achieve more, yet his thinks his history and his age are pushing against him. I'm by his side through this. I want him to push forward. He will be much happier working, achieving things.

I also want to see him succeed for myself. I soon will be at the age where my career will look like it's standing still relative to all the young whipper snappers. I need to see him pushing on.

We "parked" yesterday. We took a couple of outdoor loungers, some food and the dog, and headed out to a local park. The weather was perfect. 

We spent the weekend on the coast. At LongBearch WA. It was a spur of the moment trip. I loved it. 

I've never been to Long Beach before. That stretch of the coast is farthest away from Seattle. I've aways presumed it was just like the rest of the coast.

It's not. It's far more residential. The beach is miles long. There is a healthy tourist trade there. As well as weekend getaway cottages.

We walked on the beach for hours. Ate ice cream. Had wonderful food.  Watched the sun set.

We drove back and had dinner and card games with a few AA friends. All is well there. Thought the energy was low. Back to work blues?

Sunday evening, Steven's brother called with what he said was a hilarious story.

This brother is 60. He and Steve have long since accepted that their family is complicated. Mother had multiple husbands. Father had multiple wives. 

The brother had his DNA tested to learn more about his family ancestry. Yes, you know where this story is heading.

The results came back confusing. The test said he had much Central and South American DNA. His mother insisted his father was from Czechoslovakia.

So, the brother paid for the extended test. A test that named names. 

The test gave him the names of first cousins in Mexico. 

His mother came clean. Steven and his brother always knew their mother had lovers aside from her husbands. Apparently she had one more than they knew.

What the brother finds most funny is that his mother insists his father is Spanish. She can't even say the word Mexican. He is amused that his mother is uncomfortable having a Mexican American son. Having many kids by many fathers... she has made her peace with that. But his father is Spanish! 

On Thursday we flew from Vegas to Sacramento. Steven's parents are in Sacramento and we spent a few days with them.

Sacramento is a nice place. Not as bad as I had been lead to believe. It is a quiet city. You have to be able to entertain yourself, but it's not a boring city.

Steven's parents are divorced and in their eighties. They divorced 45 years ago and still haven't put the past behind them. Of course this stresses Steven out. He hates being in the middle.

The parents have mobility problems. We can't doo much with them. We can talk for a few hours, but that get's long in the tooth. Steven arranges errands so we can drive back and forth... buy donuts before breakfast, drop off a donut at dad's and chat a bit. Drive to mom's and drop off so more donuts. Have a full breakfast at mom's. Chat a bit. Drive back to dad's for lunch. And so on.

In July it's my turn. We are flying up to Ontario to visit my family. I'm trying to look through that experience with Steven's eyes.

More quotes from friends that I wish to remember...

From one older gay brother to another...
"That's very creative. Very Gay. You are femming up nicely in your old age. I was really worried for a while. Too butch."

From my mother in law...
"I may ask you too many questions. I am just so curious. I have friends who call me the lady with 100 questions. I just keep asking and asking. I really like to learn about people. Just last week and friend said "'those questions... how do you come up with them... they are so incisive!'"

We are here for a wedding-- Steven's cousins. They are a nice couple. Very fun loving and sane at the same time. She has said a few things that worry me-- she has had cancer three times. There is some sort of little bump on her kidney that she's not dealing with.

Of course, no matter where we go, we meet Steven's old friends. Not related to the wedding, an old coworker just happens to be in Vegas. The sister of a good friend of his just happens to be in Vegas.

A grade school friend of Steven's happened to be in Vegas. We had a short chat with her in the high roller lounge...

"I only use the high-roller area. I don't gamble with the general public."

"My husband is flying to Africa for three weeks. He is going to hunt. I'm not going with him. It's too dangerous for blond haired, blue eyed woman."

I try to not judge people. Sometimes people paint such vivid pictures of themselves in so few words that one can't help but form conclusions.

My friend Tommy seams to be going through something deep. I wish him well.

Steven and I are in Vegas for a few days. We are here for his cousin's wedding. After Vegas we are flying over to Sacramento to visit his parents.

Vegas is fun. Action packed. I think Steven and his brother love the energy, the people, the shows.

I enjoy Vegas very much, but I also need quiet time.

Much of Vegas is made to encourage to drink, to shop, to eat, to spend money. Our hotels rooms are nice. But not so nice that you'd want to lounge around in them for an evening. Even the air is a little stale. I don't know if all that was intentional, but I've had this same experience before.

When we turn our back, the dog has it's own separate life. When we look at her, when we are engaged with her, then she is very attentive. It's different when we turn around.

When we go to bed, she'll be curled up in her bed. When we wake up, she'll be curled up in her bed, but things will have changed. She'll have routed through the garbage. The cat food bowl will be scrupulously licked clean.

I wonder what she does when we leave her alone all day.

As I grow older, I'm still trying to understand my foibles. I'm mostly introverted, except…

I love having dinners with friends. I love cooking for friends. If I'm alone, I'll reheat leftovers. Friends—steak with a sauce that I've spent hour preparing. Home baked bread. The list goes on.

I love sleeping with Steven.

I like spending a few hours alone in the morning.

I enjoy hiking and running alone.

I like to spend evenings with Steven, and with Friends.

Sometimes I think I want to go on a long backpacking trip all by myself. Maybe I'll do that, just to see when I miss people the most.

 

 

 

 

Work. Home. Busyness.

Steven is away for a few days for work. That gives me some down time and it makes me the only one responsible for the dog. She is getting over diareaha, so there is that to keep in mind.

Work is challenging right now. The service my team provides is growing like crazy. Not all of my team members are up to that challenge. They are good people, but the demands have changed and they need to changte with it.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the right leader for them. Work is stressful. I try to tackle it with energy and enthusiasm, but sometimes people think I am too optomistic. 

Still, I will push on.

The weather has been gorgeous this weekend. If this continues, this summer will be a hot one.

Mothers day today. I called mom. She didn't want to talk much. I couldn't tell if something was on her mind, or if this was a further symptom of her memory failure— it's difficult to talk about the week if you don't remember the week. 

I still enjoy talking to her. 

We fly up in July to visit her. 

Happy Mother's Day. 

A townhouse across the street is up for sale for $950,000.00. This has got us talking about our long term plans. 

We had a good talk about our townhouse. The townhouse is nice in many ways, but great in none. The neighborhood is nice. The mortgage is affordable. The space is nice, though cramped in places. Close to shopping. Close to parks. A reasonable commute to work. A nice coffee shop is next door.

We'd like a back yard. A place to hang out. A place to put the dog so we don't have to walk her so often. We'd like a little more space to throw larger dinner parties. Those are tall orders around here. We are looking at $300,000 more than this townhouse to buy such a place.

$300,000 more is a lot. We could retire a few years early with that. We could buy a vacation property.

So we are going to live with the townhouse. Maybe do it up a little. Better closets. Better furniture. Did I mention that the townhouse is very nice?

Two weeks ago in Toronto there was a van attack. A man drove a van into a crowd and killed 10 people.

My friends G&J live 3 blocks away from it. Their son was across the street from the attack. He was at a fast food restaurant. His back was to the window. He didn't see the van attack. He did see the aftermath.

He called G&J to tell them of the attack. G asked him to leave immediately. He did so.

The place was very locked down for over a week. One interesting twist-- the police brought many therapy dogs there. Those going to see the scene of the attack were greeted by cute friendly dogs.

Steven's mother is doing OK. She had walking pneumonia and a high blood pressure spike. She is out of the hospital now.

I threw out my back. I was doing a new exercise, burpees, that are a wonderful full body exercise. Except they are also hard on the back.

At work things have gotten weird. Some background. I'm a manager. A peer of mine, M, is also a manager. Our boss's boss, F is new. F directly gave M a new responsibility, skipping over our boss and delegating direct to M. This new responsibility is tough and feels punitive.

M melted down. He left work for two days. He came back briefly on Friday to talk to his mentor. He left his mentor crying and went home again. Our boss also had to leave work. His blood pressure was high and he had a migraine.

Today M is back. M and our boss have been in and out of meetings all day.

I get it that F's ask is tough, but M's reaction did not help. F's authoritarian leadership isn't helping either.

I can only mind my own business and hope that it all works out.

Steven spent the weekend in Sacramento with his mother. She had a blood pressure spike and was hospitalized. She's OK and is out of the hospital now.

Steven spent much of the weekend working on his parents homes.(They are divorced). While they live independently, they are becoming feeble. The house maintenance isn't what it used to be.

I had a quiet Saturday. I caught up on many chores I haven't done in a while.

Sunday I exercised for the first time in a long time. I threw my back out. Advil and ice packs are helping. 

We are back from Seaside OR and the AA convention.

I really enjoy parts of the AA convention. Other parts just weren't for me. My AA friends there understood that too. There is a gap between us. They've done hard drugs. They struggle to stay sober. Sobriety just comes naturally to me.

I can see them battle. I can appreciate the effort they put into it. I can see them work hard for any trick that will make their day easier, that will mend their past wrongs, that will let them take one step forward.

When I listen to the speakers, their are always funny stories. I enjoy that very much. There is also the constant reminder that we must push ourselves every day to improve.

One thing that AA does well, is to make self-improvement a social thing. Through sponsors and sponsees. Through meetings. It's all free. You just have to do the work. We don't have a real model for that in my world, the secular world.

I attend Al Anon meetings-- meetings for friend and family of addicts. But I don't really have Al Anon problems. My husband is a great man. He has his shit together.

But, I do take a few lessons from Al Anon and AA. Then I will have one cocktail. Just one. Two will give me a headache and make me feel pasty. I will enjoy my one cocktail and have a good night's sleep knowing that my demons are elsewhere.

As C6 said, "If I could drink like you, I would drink like that all day."

BL's death is getting complicated. He has a lawyer written and registered will in Washington State. And, allegedly, a newer will, messily written on a cocktail napkin, in Florida.

Sides are being taken. Demands are being made.

SB, who is the executor of the Washington will, is in Florida trying to close down BL's estate. Part of me thinks he would be happy if the cocktail-napkin-will appeared and was legitimate. That would let him walk away from this mess.

Either way, SB is keeping a few people informed and copied on what's happening just in case things go wrong. The "Cocktail Napkin Crowd" are in interesting set of characters.

We are in Seaside OR for the weekend with QJ and C6. We enjoy traveling with them. We are down here for an AA convention though we are spending most of the time doing our own thing. 

C6 has troubling news. His transplanted heart is having troubles. We talked about it for a bit. He doesn't want to go through the surgeries again. He has decided that if his heart fails, then that is that. He is at peace with that choice. 

With BL's death, and now C6's news, Steven and I have been talking about how we want to die. No decisions yet. Just the start of a long conversation. 

BL died last night. Heart Attack.

I didn't know BL well, He was a friend of Steven's. They met through the AA crowd. We've had dinner together many times. He also did yard work on my house. He was a talented gardener.

BL led a very colorful life. He did porn in the 80's and used that as a pickup line ever since. He would have a hot new boyfriend a little more often than I could keep track of.

Steven cried a little when he heard about BL. He and a few of BL's other friends are at a meeting tonight, sharing their experience, strength and hopes together.