I Friday Harry called. We talked a while. I told him I loved him. It was awkward. I also told him I had to stay away for a while.

Drank a lot Friday nigh Bruce and I split 2 pitchers at the Workshop Tavern. Went downtown for pratice. Had a couple more afterwards at Changes and the Cuff.

Ok, tonight was a double pig night. A guy I did it with at BP on monday, called me up and came over. It was fun. He's from Florida, so I'll never see him again.

I've been bad lately. Monday night I went to BP and had sex there. Tuesday night I cruised the sex chats. Didn't meet up with anyone though. Wednesday night I picked up a guy at the Safeway in Redmond. I'm suprised about that one. Redmond is pretty vanila.

Work is pretty stressfull.

I'm feeling better about Harry. It's not all gone though.

I guess this is how I deal with stress.

No hockey this week. One more game next week, then the season is over.

Went out Saturday night. Didn't run into Dave. I think we both recognize that the other is attractive, but not enough so, to go further.

Softball practice Sunday morning at 8:00am. I'm getting better at hitting. I have to remember to adjust my front foot about 1/4 to 1/2 of the way through the pitch.

Had bruch with F and Bruce at Minnies, then we went shopping over at U Village. Bought the A&F Catalogue. Odd trivia; they don't sell the A&F catalogue at the A&F in Redmond Town Center, because that A&F sells childens cloths, and is more of a family store. The catalogue is fairly tame. A few butts, a few brests, all tastefull.

In the evening, I went to an Oscar party with some co-workers. We held a pool to see who could predict most of the winners. I tied for last place with 5 out 26.

Went the the Cuff for beer. Said hi to a few people, went home. When ever I catch my self dwelling on Harry, I get pissed off. I know exactly what would happen if we could get back together. Within two weeks, I'd remember all the reasons I dumped in the first few times. I cheated on him twice. I enjoyed it. I felt no guilt.

Why do I feel so shitty about this?

Friday night, I had softball practice. Afterwards, some of us went to changes for a Beer. A few of the guys a really into the bar croud. They knew everyone there.

Afterwards, Steven and I cought up and I went over to his place for the first time. He has a really nice house. The picture window in the master bedroom has a kick ass view of Mt Rainier. Saturday morning, he headed of to Hawaii for a week of work.

Saturday, Dave and I played telephone tag about getting together tonight.

DSL is great. I've been downloading great songs (legal songs) and making CD's. I've got a couple excellent driving CD's now.

Maybe I'll call up Bruce and F, and see if they want to have dinner.

Wednesday night, I went to a new restaurant, Becks. It's good. The owner kept coming to me, and telling I had to try this or that because it was soo good.

Thurday I worked. Played hockey at 11:00pm at night. Most of the guys didn't show up, so we had to get a goalie, and a couple of extra players, by asking the teams that played the game before. It was scrappy game. Near the beginning, one of the opposing players got a big nose blead. Towards the end, one of our guys got into a fight, and got a game misconduct. We ended up winning 6-4

Friday morning, I have the day off of work, because of an office move. I went downtown to Postivie Solutions, and tightened up the security on their system.

I now have DSL! But, it's a beutiful sunny day, so I'm going to sign off, and play outside.

I'm feeling better today. Last night, I played hockey. It was good to get out and have some fun.

I'm still ruminating over Harry, but it's not that bad. I know in my heart that if I had another chance, I'd probably put him through the same hell again. He deserves better than that.

Funny how when you look back, you only rememeber the good times, and you over look the bad.

When did get so faggy and introspective?

Fuck, I feal more than bad about Harry, I'm getting sick over it. When he called me, I got this big knot in my stomache and got ill. Stupid Stupid Stupid me.

A long time ago Brian told me I had trust issues. I didn't believe him at the time, but I'm starting to. I'd rather be alone than hurt, and I thought I could only get hurt in a relationship.

Bitterness. I got this message from Harry. He's dating some guy named Chris. I think I know who that is, but I'm not sure. It hurt a bit. Once again I have no one to blame but myself.

I went out Sunday evening, and ran into Dave. Dave used to be a bartender at the Eagle. We had one date way back in November. It turned into a nightmare/adventure. We missed hooking up a few times afterwards. But, last Sunday, he asked me out again. Rollar-blading this at Alki. We'll see. It sounds like he may be moving to San Francisco.

Work was ok today. Got a sneak peak at the next vision for my product. It won't be out for 2 to 4 years.

I still miss Harry. I've been thinking about telling him I'm a bottom to see how he reacts. I'm still not comfortable with anyone knowing. I gotta do it though. I think we could work things out if he knew.

I forgot to mention this... One week ago, on monday, when I got home from work, there was a message on my machine. Someone whistled Basket Case by Green Day. I think it was Steven, but I'm not sure. The Caller-ID number wasn't available.

Now the really scary part. At the end of the message, you'll hear a beep, and then someone do-do-doing the same tune. I have a tape answering machine. When I digitized the message, I just played the tape, so it didn't stop at the end of the whistling message. That's when I heard the do-doing for the first time. This probably means that the caller left the message in do-do-do form, changed his mind, and figured out how to erase the message (erase is password protected on my machine, but it's only a one digit password), then left the message in whistling form.

I burned a CD with some random songs, and included the message as one of the tracts. I'll play the CD for people I suspect left the message, and see how they re-acted.

I drank a lot on Friday. I had 2 beers at work, then I left for softball practice. At the field, they shut the lights off early, so my team headed to Changes for some drinks. I had half a pitcher there. I met up with Bruce at Positive Solutions. We changed their Exchange mail server so that it now handles all incomming, and outgoing mail. Then we went to the Elysian and had dinner, and another beer. Then we went to C.C's and had 2 cran and vodka's a piece.

Bruce asked me if I wanted a drive home. I said no, but should have said yes. I was seeing double for much of the way and had to close one of my eyes. I got home safe. When I got home, my DSL modem had arrived. So, at about 12:30am, I was stumbing around my house, Installing the DSL filters and modem. The service isn't activated yet, so nothing happened.

Satuday I went out and bought softball equipment. I also got a cell phone. Sigh. I've finally given in. In the afternoon, I met up with Steven. We went to the Chauteau St. Michelle wine tasting and sale. We bought and split a case of Merlot. Then, we headed over to Redhook, and had dinner. We came back to my place, started to watch a movie, but ended up going to bed.

Sunday, we woke up early. I had a softball practice at 9am. But, it was rained out. I hung around for a while, and then met up with Bruce and F at the Bluestar for bruch.

I don't know about Steven, he's cute, but I'm not really that attracted to him. I'll have to give him the 'let's just be friends' speach soon.

Nothing much has happened this week. Tuesday, Bruce and L managed to get their Positive Solutions topoligy up and running. They've got email too.

Wednesday night, I was supposed to play hockey at 11pm, but many guys said they weren't showing up, so I didn't either.

I'm having lunch with Ryan today.

Friday my heart was beating weird. It was missing beats, and then having real big beats. I made a doctor's appointment for Monday. The doctor told me not to worry about it unless there were other symptoms.

Friday night I went out to the Cuff. Met a guy, Steven. 9 months ago he got out of a 7 year relationship. Not much else happened.

Saturday, I waxed the truck, and went downtown early. I went to CC's to talk to the bartender about the Chicken Soup Bacherlors Auction. Previously, he asked me to be one of the bachelors. Unfortunatly, he wasn't in. I walked up and down Broadway, then at about 7:30 I met up with Bruce for dinner at the Elysian. F showed up at about 8. The two were fighting a bit. I think the next few weeks will be the testing moment of their relationship. If they get throug the next few weeks, they'll be together for a long time. Monday morning I got an apology from F. He said that Bruce and he had worked things out.

Over dinner Bruce asked me to drop by Positivie Solutions on Sunday. They needed some help configuring some servers.

At about 9, dinner was over. Bruce and F went home. I went to the Cuff. I ran into Steven again. We exchanged numbers. I also ran into Harry. He was in a bad mood. One guy was sort of ribbing him about an ex, plus some other shit. I think he's getting tired of the bars, and tired of being single. I want to tell him that I miss him and I care for him. But, it's real weird. I'm a bottom, and I need that. But I don't want to tell him.

I went home, and was in bed by 12:30am.

Sunday morning I had softball practice. After practice, I went over and help L and Bruce at Positive solutions. They just needed a simple topoligy design. I hand held them through some config changes.

Sometime in the afternoon, my heart started beating normally again.

After that, I called Steven, and we agreed to get together that evening. We had coffee at a Starbucks, and then dinner at my place. He spent the nice. He's an attracive man. Not sure I'll fall in love with him. He's out of town all week on business. We'll see what happens next weekend.

Monday morning, I went to the doctor. He did an exam on me, and told me not to worry unless there were additional symptoms.

Back to work...

First draft of the Africa notes....

Mon, 5th: Got to Amsterdam. Staying with Cory, a friend of the family in Permurend. Also visited Volendam.

Tuesday, 6th: Visited mom’s cousins in Amsterdam. Most of them don’t speak strong English.

Wed 7th. Went to the Van Gough museum, and the Rijksmuseum. The Dutch pronounce Van Gough like “Van Hough” The first ‘H’ is pronounced like you are clearing your throat; the ‘ou’ is like the ‘o’ in ‘hot’

Thursday, 9th. Mom’s cousin Tapka gave us a walking tour of old Amsterdam. We saw many churches, and took a walk through the red light district.

Friday 9th. Drove to Haulerwijk (Mom’s birth city) We drove across the North Sea Dike. I stayed with Omka Jan. Mom stayed with Tante Ria. Neither speak English.

Saturday 10th. Drove to Zwolle. Had great food. Zwolle is a beautiful city. Stayed at the Hotel Fider, which is a historic building on the outskirts.

Sunday 11th. Drove back to Haulerwijk.

Monday 12th Took the train to Amsterdam, and left for Harare, Zimbabwe.

The Netherlands was kind of weird. I did the roots thing, so I hope I never have to do it again. I spent most of my time just hanging around people who can’t speak English, so I read a lot. If I go again, I won’t visit family. I’ll just tour. Mind you, Zwolle was nice. I’d stay there again. I had great food at a restaurant in downtown Zwolle. I wish I could remember the name. It was next to the central market, on the second floor.

In my spare time, I thought a lot about Terry. I tried planning ways of getting him to like me; to leave his boyfriend for me. When I flew back to Seattle, and ran into Terry, we talked. I decided to not follow through with my plans

Tueday 13th. Arrived in Harare. Mom lost some of her luggage.

Wed 14th. Toured Harare. David showed us the markets. Harare is a very grimy city, but not dangerous. The criminals don’t have enough money for knifes or guns, so you only have to worry about pickpockets. Our chauffer, Innocent, drove us to a wild life park. Godfrey asked me to find a good college for his stepson. Zimbabwe is run on favors and nepotism, so I’m not surprised he did this. I agreed.

Friday 16th. Mom got her luggage back on the 15th. Right now, It’s morning and I’m on the Train to Bulawayo. We left Harare last night at about 7pm. It’s an over night milk run. The three of us have a sleeper car. The towns are very small, no more than 8 houses. Many of the houses have straw roofs. For most of the night, our sleeper cabin’s radio was broken, but, “Love, Love me Do” by the Beatles just cut in.

Sunday, 18th. On the 16th we saw the Chipangaly Animal Orphanage, plus the Zimbabwe Museam of Natural Science. In the evening, we got on the train again for Vic Falls. We arrived in Vic Falls on the morning of the 17th. We are staying at the Settlers Retreat, a little B&B just outside of town. We are the only ones there. In the evening we went on a cruise of the Zambeze, and saw hippos and giraffes.

The manager of Settler’s Retreat is a retired park ranger. He loves to talk.

We are paying $US20.00 a night, total, for 2 rooms.

Went to a Crocodile farm and saw the Zimbabwe side of the falls. We got very wet.

Monday 19th. Went white water rafting on the Zambezi. The water is very high, so the rapids were fairly gentle.

Tuesday 20th. Game Drive in Zambia. Saw a white rhino attack a mini van. Not a lot of damage. The driver sped off after the rhino hit.

Also saw giraffe, antelope. We went to the Livingston Museum in Livingston, Zambia. The unemployment rate in Livingston is about 95%.

We visited a traditional village, I think it was the Maupani Village. Every lived in mud and straw huts. Saw Vic falls from the Zambia side.

Wednesday 21th. Took it easy. Mom got me to fake sick so we could get out of a game drive to Mozambique. The Tour guide figured it out. We had to pay cancellation costs of about $Zim1000.00 That’s about $US20.00

Thursday 22nd. Flew from Vic Falls to Harare. Took the bus from Harare to Mutoko. The bus was very poor. Mutoko is even poorer. Mom and I were almost ready to leave when we saw where we would be staying.

Friday 23rd. Sports day (Track and Field) at Mutoko High. Dave and I judge shot-put. Watched Beverly Hills Ninja again. Saw Dave’s computer lab.

Saturday 24th. Visited Obey’s grandparents farm. It’s a subsistence farm. Climbed up a hill to some caves. The caves had cave paintings in them.

Saw Blue Streak Twice, and 10 things I hate about you. There’s not a lot to do here.

Sun 25th. Went to church with the Mutoko High Students. Saw the Our Lady of Peace Orphanage. This was a unsettling. We saw many infants had had been through hell. Many of them were HIV positive.

In the evening, Mom got very sick. Everyone thinks it’s malaria. She’s stumbling around half naked trying to go to the bathroom. I had to help her.

Mon 26th. The Boarding Master drove us from Mutoko to Harare. Mom is very weak, but much better. She doesn’t remember much about last night. We took her to a doctor.

Tuesday 27th. Doctor says that Mom actually has a intestinal parasite, and has put here on new medicine. She still has cramps, but is much better. We leave for home tonight.

Zimbabwe was weird. In many ways it was very poor. For about $US100 000, you can buy what would be a million dollar home in Seattle. For about $400 a month, you can get 2 or 3 servants and a chef.

The people were the nicest people I’ve ever met.

I finally finished organizing my pictures. Got some good ones. Haven't finished the Africa essay yet. sigh.

Not much has happend this week. Just working. Still a bit jet lagged. I'm tired every night by 9pm, and in by 10:30. I've been waking up at about 6:00am. On the plus side, I've worked out every morning this week.

I lost 10lbs while I was in Africa. With all the exercise, hopefully it will come back as muscle.

Had lunch with Bruce today. He blew up at L about their volunteer work. L wants to do some kind of multimedia thing that would just blow all of the plans out of the water. Bruce told me that he's seeing a councelor about his passive aggresiveness. He told that more than once, he just puts up with things until he blows up. He doesn't ask for what he wants, and he doesn't initiate things. It's also affecting his relationship with F.

Wow. It's taking longer than I thought to compile all the Africa stuff. I'll pick with what's happened since I got back, and post the Africa entries later.

I got back last Wednesday. The earthquake hit Seattle at about 11:00am. The airport was closed, but they inspected the runways, and let our jet land. Bruce was supposed to pick me up, but he heard that airport was closed, so he no showed. Plus, when I tried to call him I heard "Due to Technical Difficulties your call cannot be completed..." I ended up taking a shuttle home. I was very jet lagged, so I went to bed by 9:00pm.

Thursday I went to work. Bruce called me up and apologized for not showing up. Thursday, I left work at 2pm, claiming jet lag. I went and bought a scanner. Later, I met up with Bruce, and we went to dinner at the NW brew house and grill that night. I'm not really a big fan of the food at the NW Brewhouse. It's ok, but it's a bit expensive.

Friday I went downtown. I ran into Terry and we talked for a while. I asked him why he was always at the Cuff by himself, when he had a boyfriend. He said that his boyfriend worked weekend nights, and that hanging out at the Cuff, and playing pool was comfortable. I've been thinking a lot about Terry lately. I want to date him.

Saturday, I went to a Softball skills clinic. It was ok. Since this my first year, I'm playing for a rec team, however one of the coaches asked me "Are you sure you want to play for a 'D' team" I'll stick with the team for this year, and change things next year. The weird thing about softball players is that it's much more gay than hockey. On my hockey team, you couldn't tell that our most effeminate player was gay, unless you spent some time with him. But in softball, half the players look gay. The other half, once they open up their mouths, you know they are queer.

F went to Vancouver for the day, so Saturday night, I met up with Bruce and we had dinner at the Elysian. Bruce was complaining about L. Bruce and L are trying to setup a patient tracking system for Postive solutions, but L seams to be over engineering it. Postive solutions only has about 5 people who are entering, maybe, 300 transactions a month. But L is installing this system that would be able to manage a large hospital. It's frustrating Bruce, because it's slowing things down.

Later on, Bruce and I went to CC's for a drink. Bruce is always tring to get me hooked up. So, he introduced me to a few cute guys. Both of us left by 10:00pm.

Sunday morning I went and bought a CD Rom burner for my computer. I had lunch with Bruce and F at Ruby's dinner in RTC. The three of us are looking for a cool place to hang out around Redmond. I don't think it's going to happen. Sunday afternoon, I sorted through my photos of Europe and Africa. I'm missing a role. I still have lots of pictures though, 16 rolls.

I'm back. I've got 3 weeks worth of notes that I'm compiling into a larger essay. It will be posted in the next couple of days.