Not much happened Friday. Bruce drove up to Vancouver. Brian is down in Florida.

I had softball practice. We scrimmaged with another team. It was the first time I played in about a month. My shoulder is ok. It was a bit sore afterwards, but stretching helped it.

Went to Changes after practice. Nothing happened there.

Went to the Eagle after Changes. The Eagle was playing trailers for sick horror movies. The previews had lots of blood, boobs and women being mutilated-- just what I wanted to see on a Friday night at a gay bar. I walked out to the patio, finished my beer, and left.

Avoid the following movies..."Last House on the Left" , "The Mad Doctor Of Blood Island", "Man From Deep River". There was also some movie about women in a Nazi convention camp, but I don't remember the title.

Played hockey again tonight. We won 6-5. I had a much better game. Two goals went in on my shift. They were both flooks.

Afterward we went out for beer at a bar next door to the rink. We talked to Spencer for a while. Spencer used to be a sub goalie for our team. He's now playing forward for the Starbucks' team. He's a great player.

Played hockey last night. We won 7-5. My cardio is all shit. Since my shoulder went out I've done very little to stay fit. Buy the end of the game I was dying. It hurt us too; I couldn't get into position fast enough, and it cost us 2 goals.

The game was scrappy. Two years ago, we kicked a guy, Keith, off of our team. He was too creepy, it was a co-ed team, and he flashed some of the women. He was also faught a lot.

Well, lots of good gossip about Keith has popped up. Keith sold a date with himself on ebay! I saw the newspaper article on it, I'd love to include a link here, but I can't find it right now.

In addition, two other people had played with Keith before, on different teams, and they both agreed that he was an ass.

So, last night, when we arrived for the game, Keith was there. He was playing on the other team. When he saw us he said "So this is going to be the battle of all ages."

For the most part we just played straight forward solid hockey. However every now and then, a few of us would single out Keith for some special attention. Nothing illegal. Just a bit more aggressive.

Well, Keith's temper got the best of him. at the end of the game, Keith dropped his gloves, and went at it with Jacob. Which is weird, because Jacob wasn't one of the guys working on Keith. The ref saw the whole thing. Keith got a 3 game suspension. Jacob only got a 6 minute roughing.

I slept over at Brian's last night. He's still very pissed off about being suspended for 3 days without pay. He's looking for ways to get his revenge on the apprentice. From what I gather, things aren't as bad as they sound. Two things happened. One-- the company has had a rash of safety problems lately, and upper management urged the lower management to hand out stiffer penalties. Two-- Brian asked for a week of vacation, but the company said they couldn't spare him the time. So, management found a way to combine the two. Brian could get his week off (Since he's a contractor, he wouldn't get paid anyway) and management would look like it's cracking down of safety problems.

That doesn't satisfy Brian though. He want's to come out looking perfect.

Brian's going to Florida for a week for his mothers wedding. He's video taping the wedding. While I was over, he was checking the video camera out to make sure it was working. He starting filming me, and asked me to do things like grab my crotch or take my shirt off. Well, to make a long story short, I ended up jerking off on camera for him. He had a big goofy grin on his face the whole time he was filming.

That night before we went to bed, he set the camera up on a tripod pointing at the bed. The next morning while we were having sex, he turned the camera on.

I wonder if this will come back to haunt me.

My shoulder is finally getting better. Last night, for the first time in two months, I worked out. It felt good. I still have a bit of a cold, so I have to take it easy. Brian wants me to sleep over tonight. He originally pushed for Wednesday night, but I have hockey Wednesday and Thursday.

Had physio this morning.

From Clark "I just want a gorgeous man to call my own... He just needs to be perfect for me." I know that feeling very well. It's been a very long time since I felt something more than 'like' or 'nice' for someone. There was Bob, but that ended years ago, back in 1996. When I first started dating Brian, I felt things for him. But that ended, probably for my own sake. I didn't want to put up with his temper and constant fighting. Finally there was Harry. I didn't feel much for him at first, so I ended it. But I started feeling more for Harry as time went on. Unfortunatly, Harry moved on and found someone else.

I wish I knew what my buttons were. I long time ago (1996) after Bob left me, a friend of mine said "Those feelings you have for Bob, don't come from Bob, they come from you. You will feel them again." I hope so. It's been so long.

Brian is on the war path again. Last week, Brian's apprentice burnt his arms while handling some 120/240 volt wires. The apprentice was far enough along that he was allowed to handled that level of voltage.

Today, Brian's company suspended him for 3 days without pay. Brian is livid. He's never had a safety violation before. I'm not sure who's in the right here. Brian fights everything. Just to make sure he doesn't have a black mark on his record, Brian is getting his lawyer involved.

I'm not sure what to think. I don't know how much apprentices have to be watched. Brian's got to be a little bit responsible, after all the guy was an apprentice.

My gut says to just roll with it. Shit happens. If he takes the days off, this whole thing will blow over by next week. Brian doesn't believe that. He's got to prove that he did nothing wrong.

This is yet another example of why Brian and I didn't last. He's got to fight everything, and have it his way.

Brian slept over Sunday night. So slap me.

My manager is away on vacation this week. She kept to work at about noon. When I saw her, she put her finger over her lips and went "Shhh." Then she walked into her office, and closed the door. I think she left about half an hour later.

I've got a bit of a cold. Last week, if I wasn't resting, I'd get a small sore throat. I guess last night, from sleeping with Brian (I always sleep like shit when I sleep with Brian) I didn't get enough rest, so the cold has started to blossom.

I've been exchanging mail with Clark Bull. He stumbled upon my journal, and told me about his.

Brian and I went hiking on Tiger Mountain and crawled around the caves

Afterwards we went to a BBQ at Janice's. It's Gay Pride Day day in Seattle, but neither of us wanted to go. Janice's BBQ was good. There was way too much food and beer; always a good sign. Afterwards we watched "Bad Blood" on TV. It was a fun, crappy movie. Kevin and Ryan were heckling it the whole time.

Brian has a good friend who's an apartment manger along the Pride Parade route. The entire apartment complex was throwing a big Pride party. When Brian told his friend that he didn't want to go, the friend was really upset. Brian hates being around anyone nelly. I'm a little more tolerant of that, but still, it's not my favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Ok, longer story about last night. It's pride weekend in Seattle. So the bars were packed. I went to the Cuff, when I got there, the lineup was around the corner. It took about 15 minutes to get in.

Inside, I ran into J&C. Now, J&C always insult Harry; call him Mullet-Head, tease him for falling in love. A couple weeks ago while I was talking to Harry, I mentioned that J&C really weren't nice people. Harry asked what I meant and I told him that they tend to run guys down. Harry if they ran him down, and I said yes.

Now, Harry and his boyfriend where out last weekend, and ran into J&C. Apparently Harry tried to pick a fight with J&C, starting off with "Barry said that you were spreading shit about me."

Well, Saturday night, J&C both mentioned this to me. They said they didn't mind because it was easy and fun to stand up to Harry and insult him to his face.

So J&C really aren't nice people. But I shouldn't tell one; if I do it will get back to me.

As mentioned earlier, I didn't meet any one that I'd want to ask out on a date.

Brian and I are going hiking today. He called me last night at about 2:30 and asked if he could come over. I told him to stay away.

Frustration again. Went to the Cuff. Had a bad night. Only saw one guy that I wanted to meet. He went out of his way to not notice me.

Brian called at about 1:30am I guess he wants to sleep with me. I didn't answer the call.

It cleared up Friday, and I went kayaking. I scooted around the North tip of Lake Sam; from Idylwood Park, across the top, across Marymoore park, and then back to Idylwood. It was cool. There are several herons in the wetlands along Marymoore. Four were out sunning themselves on the rocks and logs jutting out of the water. I kept trying to sneak up on them, but they're smarter than that. When I got within ten meters, they'd take off. I suppose it doesn't help that my kayak is bright yellow.

Next time I'll bring a camera.

Had dinner with L. and Mark. It went well. That last time I had dinner with those two, Mark was obnoxious. This time he was pleasant. Dinner was at Siam on Broadway, followed by Coffee at Starbucks.

Mark took off early and went home. L. and I went to the Cuff. L introduced me to a few of his friends and we chatted for a while.

Ran into Terry. We talked a bit. I still want to date him, but I don't think he's interested anymore.

Ran into Brian. In fact I went home with Brian. He wants to go hiking with me, but I keep putting him off.

At noon I got together with the guy who replied to my yahoo ad. He was nice. We had sex. Not sure what else will happen.

We shipped a Service Pack, so Thursday they threw us a big party and gave us Friday off. I dropped out of the party by noon and hung around my place for a while then bicycled for a bit. I also posted a personal add on Yahoo.

I spent most of the evening surfing the internet and chatting.

Friday morning, I got my first reply from the yahoo ad. We'll see.

Brought my truck in for servicing. My service manager is very cute. Too bad he's married. Bruce met me for breakfast. There were a lot of hot straight guys at the restaurant. Why can't there be more gay guys like that? What is about being gay that makes many guys go nelly. Also, the gay guys that look tough, for the most part, are just putting on an act. It's the old hairdresser in leather thing. The closest thing I've met to a normal ordinary guy is Brian. Too bad I can't put up with his temper or his fighting.

Bruce is almost ready to go back to work. Although, it sounds like the surugery didn't work out that well. He's still having problems sleeping at night.

It's raining today. I wanted to go kayaking, but now, we'll have to wait and see.

Had physio Tuesday morning. She gave me a few new stretches and applied some ultra sound.

Work was pretty boring.

Ate dinner at home Tuesday night.

Brian called me up. (Not the Brian I met in L.A. but the Brian I broke up with about a year ago) At work, his apprentice slipped handling some high voltage line and now has second degree burns on the bottom of his arms. Brian had to take him to the hospital.

Brian is royally pissed at the apprentice and will probably hold the guy back a level. Brian also talked about firing him. One of the linemen agrees with holding the apprentice back. The apprentice is far enough along that he shouldn't need to be watched while he handles live wires.

I've got a hands-free/head-set phone that Brian calls my fag phone. When Brian calls me, I put it on, and wander around the house, doing what ever I need to do. Brian talks and talks and talks/ Every now and then he'll pause, which is my signal to say "yeah." Brian then picks up and keeps talking again.

Brian says he's been offered the job of group-forman at his company. It pays $170 000. He's not sure that he wants to take it. But for 170, it's hard to say no.

Today, in the mail, I was notified that I was approved as a permanent resident. Now all the INS has to do is manufacture my green card!

Wow. Much has happened.

Wednesday night, I went out with Eddie. He's a nice guy, but I doubt anything is going to happen.

Thursday, I flew of to L.A. to spend the weekend with Andy. Right off, Andy set the goal of getting me laid 4 times in 4 days. Andy is in a gay bowling league on Thursday's, so that's what we did first. I didn't play (Cause you have to be a leauge player) So I hung around, chatted and ate dinner. Met some nice guys, but nothing happened.

We went out for a drink at the Oil Can, and then went back to Andy's place.

Friday we went to the L.A. County Museam of Art. It was cool. I saw the "This is not a Pipe" painting. We also saw a Winslow Homer exhibit. We didn't tour the whole museum. It's fairly large, and we got tired out after a couple of hours.

We went home, napped, and went out to meet up with a couple of Andy's friends (Steven and ???) for dinner and drinks. Drinks at the Cobalt Lounge. Dinner at some Mexican Restaurant, and then drinks at the fault line.

Last week, Andy and Steven had a first date. So, Friday night was kind of a second date. It didn't go well. Andy payed Steve some attention, but Steve didn't reciprocate. As the night went on, we figured out that Steve is attracted to bears. This is really strange, because Andy is anything but a bear. So now we are wondering why Steve asked Andy out at all. At the Faultline, Steve and his friend went off and did their own thing.

After a while, Andy said he was going to leave me there to fend for my self. He was going to a twink bar. (The fault line is much more of a men in Jeans and t-shirt's bar) I ended up meeting a guy, and going back to his place. But, we did have fun in bed. Afterwards, he immediatly got dressed and told me he'd drive me home. I was kind of annoyed. I was hoping to sleep with him.

When I got back to Andy's he wasn't there. He showed up a couple hours later. We talked the next morning. He got laid too. But, he had a bad experience. Apparently the guy bit a lot (He had some bruises) and the two didn't really get along. The guy asked Andy for his number, but Andy lied that he had a boyfriend, and that "The circumstances to not permit me to do so." I think Andy was probably bummed that he was dropped by Steve, and picked up any guy that would do.

Saturday, we went to Venice Beach. I got a good sunburn. Went shopping in the afternoon. I bought new running shoes, and sun block. We went back to Andy's, napped, and then went out for dinner at a restaurant called Mark's..As I walked in, a guy at the other end of the restaurant, sitting with another man, pirked right up and smiled at me.

While Andy and I ate, the guy got up and went to the bathroom. He walked really slowly, and kept looking at me. I didn't notice it, but Andy did, he pointed it out and told me to go. So I did. Apparently, I got up so fast, that the waiter went over to Andy, and asked him if I was ok.

At the bathroom, the guy and I talked. He was in L.A. with his partner on busness. They were going to the faultline later, and hoped to meet up with me. As the guy went into the (single person) bathroom, he motioned for me to join him. I told him no thanks.

After dinner, Andy just dropped me off at the Faul Line, and went out to his own bar to cruise. It was an O.K. night. I met a better looking guy, with a great body, and went home with him. The sex was better too. Afterwards, while we were in bed, he turned to me and said "You know, if you want me to, I'll drive you back to your place." I wanted to sleep with him too. I looked at him for a second, and then told him Ok. I gave him my home phone, and email address. I doubt I'll here from him.

The next day was L.A.'s gay pride. A friend of Andy's, Paul, through a pride party. About 20 people showed up. We chatted and had fun. Paul lives about 1 block off of Santa Monica (The parade route) so it was easy to go to Paul's get a drink, and hang around in the A/C for a while, and then walk back down to the Parade. I met another friend of Andy's there, Brian. Brian is a doctor. He was a nice guy, and fun to talk to.

After the parade, Brian invited some of us over to his house for drinks. We went. Andy flirted with some guy. I forget who. Sunday was the first time I ever saw Andy flirting around. In Seattle, I never met his boyfriends. On top of that, he didn't have many dates.

We got drunk and climbed a magnolia tree in Brian's back yard.

Later on I told Andy that if I lived in L.A., I'd probably ask Brian out on a date. Andy was kind of suprised, he didn't think Brian was really my type

Lots of little things happened. I want to say them all, but don't feel like writing too much more.

This is what I want to say in bullet form...
-Andy is happy living in a very gay city only talking to gay people. That's not really what I want. I like my straight friends. I like straight acting guys. I don't want to live in the middle of a big city. I like being close to the mountains and rivers.
-If I moved to L.A, I probably would get married very fast. It's frustrating, living in Seattle, and only meeting guys where the best I can say is "He's ok, I'll have a date with him, and see what happens." In L.A. For the first time in a long time, I met very attractive men.
-After I met a husband, I'd move away from the city.
-I don't like having tricks. I want to build a life with a man.

Of course Dave and I didn't get together on Tuesday. He left me a message on Monday. I returned the call. I called him on Tuesday and left a message. He didn't return the call. This happens every time we try to get together.

I'm still seeing Eddie tonight.

I talked to Harry today. He's doing ok. He wants me to have lunch with his boyfriend. I still miss Harry.

I started physiotherapy Tuesday morning. They have me doing lots of stretches and little weight exercises.

I am now regretting accepting the dates from Eddie and David. Why can't my moral compass be faster than my libido?

Just got a call from Eddie. We are going out Wednesday evening. Why can't I ever get just one date at a time?

What would Freud say about dating someone, and their ex in the same week?

Later on Sunday afternoon, I went kayaking on the Snoqualmie.

Drove downtown Sunday evening, and hung out with some of my Softball team. We watched "The Sum of Us". It was an OK gay movie staring Russel Crowe.

Went out to the Cuff later on Sunday evening. Met Brian's friend Steve, and his new boyfriend David.

Side story on David. Brian told me this. Last week, Brian, David and Steve were having dinner at Steve's place. when Brian said he spent 4 months in jail for his DWI's, David chipped in that he once spent 5 years in prision. Brian asked him "For what?" David replied "For child molestation." At that point Brian pulled up a chair and started to interogate David. Apparently David was once married, and his wife was having sex with this 13yo kid. One time, David gave the kid a BJ in the shower. The kid kind of freaked and told his parents. Brian's not to sure about truth of the storey. He said you don't get 5 years for giving a 13yo a BJ.

Back to my life. Last Friday M introduced me to a cute friend of his, Eddie. I don't remeber much about Eddie, but today I received an email from him, apologizing for how rude he was. Which is weird, because I don't remember him being rude. I don't remember much of him at all. I'm not sure how he got my email address either. Maybe a friend.

Now, another dating circle... last November I had a date with David (a different David that the one I mentioned above) I ran into David Sunday evening, and we talked about getting together again. He said that we were both shy, so we would have a hard time talking to each other. We've agreed to get together Tuesday Evening.

Back to Eddie. Eddie is David's ex. Apparently Eddie moved from San Francisco to Seattle with David, and then David left Eddie for another man.

Last night I went over to Brian's for dinner. We watched the Stanley Cup finales (3-1 Colorado) and then went to Pegasus for Dinner. I don't know what it is about Brian, but the part of his brain that judges portion size is dead. When ever I eat at his place, he always makes enough food for 5 or 6 people. He then throws the leftovers out because he never eats leftovers.

It was the same with Pegasus. Every time we go there we leave with boxes of food. I wanted to just order a medium pizza, and a side salad, but he was sure we were more hungry than that. He ended up ordering two salads, an order of garlic bread, and a large pizza.

We left with half of it in a box.

Afterwards we went to Juanita Bay Bar and Grill for two drinks and watched some track and field on ESPN. He started talking about his old employer, and convinced himself that they are Satan, and that he has to bring them down for the good of the world.

Spent the night at Brian's. I know I shouldn't have. We talked about it, and decided that we will never be lovers, but sleeping together every now and then is ok.

In the morning, Bruce, Ryan, Jen and I went drove to Duvall and had breakfast at a Duvall Firefighters fundraiser. It was $6.00 for all you can eat pancakes, ham and eggs. It was kind of fun. We had breakfast, chatted with a few of the locals, and got some latté's, chatted some more, and then left. Bruce signed up to be a volunteer firefighter. That will be interesting, considering that he lives 90 minutes away from Duvall.

We had this bizarre conversation about what it's like to get sex change, without changing the sex you are attracted to. Why would you be a man, who wants to be a lesbian? We know of a post-op transsexual who is like that. I might be a gay man, but I am very happy with my penis. I enjoy being a man. I feel no need to be feminine just because I'm attracted to guys. On the flips side, I am not attracted to feminine guys. I can go into any redneck bar, and no one would know that I'm gay. So the big mystery is, why do so many gay guys act queeny? Why do some guys feel they need to chop off their penis?