All day the cat just sits on the front porch. A week ago her head was always down and she slept most of the time. Today she keeps her head up. She will also walk away if you harass her enough. She wants to be left alone.

We took her to the vet twice. They are out of options, unless we want to pay the big bucks for a radiologist to investigate. That's a tough decision, but I can't justify spending a thousand bucks treating a cat.

Recently my parents talked to me about how they want to die. Dad has a strong do-not-resuscitate request. Mom asked us to fight a little for her, but still didn't want to be a vegetable.  We didn't cover that grey area where they slowly get more and more sick over time. What then? If you were awake but always very drowsy and if you had to be tube fed for a long time, would you want to live?

The can't still won't eat or drink. Maybe a nibble or lick here and there, but never a meal, and never enough. We've taken to tube feeding her regularly. We also feed her some meds-- antibiotic and some appetite stimulants.

But still, she just sits there. I can't tell if she's suffering. I can't tell if she will recover. This waiting sucks.